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IDUMP4U: Your newest option in dumping the motherfucker already.
April 11, 2010 9:36 PM   Subscribe

Want to dump your significant other, but also want to humiliate him or her publicly? Look no further.
posted by emilyd22222 (54 comments total) 2 users marked this as a favorite

 
This idea has potential, but the guy blows it. He doesn't think fast, his delivery sucks, and he doesn't end the conversation quickly enough.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 9:54 PM on April 11, 2010 [3 favorites]


Rather handy link for all the DTMFAs.
posted by sallybrown at 9:54 PM on April 11, 2010


This could change AskMe forever. DTMFRIGHTFUCKINGNOW.
posted by solipsophistocracy at 9:54 PM on April 11, 2010


jinx
posted by solipsophistocracy at 9:55 PM on April 11, 2010


Quick quick quick!

Apple iDump!

1 dump 4 unitarians!

A romantic text: "I'd, um, pee 4 u."

Little-known Star Wars droid ID-UMP4U.

Also other things!
posted by turgid dahlia at 9:56 PM on April 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


Gross.
posted by nola at 9:56 PM on April 11, 2010


double gross
posted by kuatto at 9:56 PM on April 11, 2010


Poop no longer: IDUMP4U
posted by sallybrown at 9:57 PM on April 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


I'm Bradley from Imumblemumbledotcom.
posted by Jinkeez at 9:58 PM on April 11, 2010


Every time I start getting the feeling that other human beings just might be pleasant and thoughtful enough for me to be interested in their lives, I cure that feeling by looking at the internet.
posted by koeselitz at 10:00 PM on April 11, 2010 [15 favorites]


How long before this ends in violence or suicide? What a bunch of assholes.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 10:01 PM on April 11, 2010 [3 favorites]


Wow, just heard the mumbled "this phone call is being recorded" at the beginning of one call (presumably this varies because of state laws). I can't wait til they get sued since this is obviously not meant to be heard.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 10:03 PM on April 11, 2010 [2 favorites]


This is not a good idea.
posted by yiftach at 10:03 PM on April 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


This is really bad karma
posted by minkll at 10:04 PM on April 11, 2010


If only I had a penguin...: "Wow, just heard the mumbled "this phone call is being recorded" at the beginning of one call (presumably this varies because of state laws). I can't wait til they get sued since this is obviously not meant to be heard."

Christ, what an asshole.
posted by ShawnStruck at 10:09 PM on April 11, 2010


This is really ugly and I say that without even having the heart to listen to any of the messages. I got about as far as two rings and turned it off because I knew that it would just be shitty.
posted by friendlyjuan at 10:12 PM on April 11, 2010


What a horrible thing to do to other people. No good can come from this.
posted by pianoboy at 10:14 PM on April 11, 2010


No good can come from this.

iSUE4U.com begs to differ.
posted by sallybrown at 10:17 PM on April 11, 2010 [7 favorites]


If this is real, it's pretty degrading. If it's not real, it's just stupid.
posted by KokuRyu at 10:20 PM on April 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


Somewhere, a drive-time show is missing its idiot.
posted by bicyclefish at 10:22 PM on April 11, 2010 [4 favorites]


Whoever uses this is karmically begging to be dumped next time around so hard they leave a crater in the sidewalk.
posted by ottereroticist at 10:24 PM on April 11, 2010


This guy has got anger issues. And why would you sit and argue with no-name-from-mumblemumble-dot-com?
posted by P.o.B. at 10:25 PM on April 11, 2010


Hey, outsourcing is still a big trend and a smart entrepreneur would capitalize on that, maybe even expand upon it by using PR-friendly corporate weaselspeak to stay on message. "Yeah, Ted? Linda would like you to know that she's right-sizing her relationships right now. It came down to you and the vibrator, and, well ... there's a certain Mr. Buzzer that still has a place in her life, or at least her nightstand drawer."
posted by adipocere at 10:28 PM on April 11, 2010


Is this something I would want to dump my significant other to understand? On the plus side, if someone dumps you this way, at least you know that every problem that existed in your relationship with that other person was entirely their fault, just by virtue of them having made this decision.
posted by davejay at 10:33 PM on April 11, 2010 [3 favorites]


Fake. The only people who answer the phone "Um, hello?" are actors who are trying to sound realistic.
posted by scrowdid at 10:42 PM on April 11, 2010 [4 favorites]


Yeah, I listened to about four of them and it seemed put on and fake to me.
posted by P.o.B. at 10:51 PM on April 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


scrowdid: "The only people who answer the phone "Um, hello?" are actors who are trying to sound realistic."

I answer the phone like that often. But that is because I am always surprised that anyone would actually be calling me on the telephone.
posted by idiopath at 10:51 PM on April 11, 2010 [3 favorites]


Wow, this seems really lame and small and juvenile and mean.
posted by EatTheWeak at 10:57 PM on April 11, 2010


The local radio station does the same thing.. live, on the radio, a new victim every morning. Seems to be the latest no-cost entertainment trend.
posted by stbalbach at 10:59 PM on April 11, 2010


Interview with the business/charity owner (you pay for the service, but he also has a Donate Now button?!). The last interview line is the best:

Question: "What method would you prefer that someone use to break up with you?"

Answer: "If somebody was going to break up with me, I’d prefer it face-to-face. I know that’s so hypocritical because I run a website where I break up with people."

It would be so very lovely if someone dating the owner wanted to dump him... and paid him the ten bucks to tell himself while recording the conversation for YouTube.
posted by Houstonian at 11:00 PM on April 11, 2010 [2 favorites]


It would be so very lovely if someone dating the owner wanted to dump him... and paid him the ten bucks to tell himself while recording the conversation for YouTube.

i concur, though it is doubtful that the owner of idump4you has anyone in his life.
posted by the aloha at 11:21 PM on April 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


I'd answer with "uh, hello" because of the odd caller ID.

And my phone picks up after a pause anyway, just for extra awkwardness, I think.
posted by Pronoiac at 11:28 PM on April 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


years ago, prior to the internet my best friend and I were always trying to think up a business that we could do together. We came up with this exact idea--however, we were going to deliver "any" bad news. We decided that we would wear dark blue suits, like IBM people wore. We would drive a dark car. It seemed like an exceptional idea for all the passive aggressive people in the world to solve issues! Then, in the cold light of day, we realized that it was a very idiotic idea. We laugh and laugh whenever we remember it.
posted by naplesyellow at 11:49 PM on April 11, 2010


Personally, I think this is a wonderful service. I even had a friend that had a similar service years ago, but the marketing wasn't there to get it done right (also, he hadn't thought to record the calls).

Most of the people on these calls have been broken up with by the person in question several times. Or, there was a genuine attempt, and the dumpee was "ohh.. we'll work it out". That's a tough place to be, and it can be hard to get up the anger to really tell the person to just fuck right off. So, this guy with no shame is offering to do the hard work for you.

Why is that so wrong?

Moreover, I've never understood this idea of trying to maintain false civility when dumping someone. You're breaking up with them because you don't want them in your life anymore. Why be nice and cordial about it? I don't see what that accomplishes, and can often make things much worse. If you try too hard to be nice, the person you're dumping might even misunderstand you, and now you've got to do it AGAIN. Being direct and a bit of a meanie about it makes the message crystal clear. Not to mention - it helps that person get over you a lot quicker if they think "well, they were a shitty person anyway".

Everybody wins, damnit.
posted by revmitcz at 11:53 PM on April 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


Dumping people like this? Extremely lazy, tactless and immature. Posting it online? Ridiculously cold and callous. Fake? Of course, it's fake. Jerks who'd use a site like this don't have girlfriends.
posted by stringbean at 12:20 AM on April 12, 2010 [2 favorites]


This is no get-rich-quick scheme, earning about $94 a month for him. Good thing too, I know it's supposed to be comedy but it's a mean, humiliating idea and I'd hate to see it take off.
posted by tellurian at 12:39 AM on April 12, 2010


I wonder if Chuck Berry has come across the URL only to click through and be disappointed.
posted by vapidave at 1:02 AM on April 12, 2010 [2 favorites]


Of the fifty ways to leave your lover, I don't think this is one of them.

OTOH, once, at the flower shop I work at, a man ordered one dozen red roses in a vase to go. He had me type out his card message, which to make a long story short was the basic "You are a wonderful person but this isn't working goodbye" story. I asked him if she was expecting this, he said, probably....on his way out he mentioned he wouldn't be around when she got the flowers.

Cold, man. An expensive way to be a coward, too. Our roses ain't cheap.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 4:14 AM on April 12, 2010


How does he verify that the dumpee is really the one in the relationship? Seems awfully easy to game this and screw with other people's lives.
posted by waraw at 4:21 AM on April 12, 2010


But you're so much better off without anyone who thinks this is a worthwhile or remotely amusing service.
posted by applemeat at 4:39 AM on April 12, 2010


He verifies all the details he has. I should be embarrassed that I clicked and listened, I know.
posted by Hildegarde at 4:46 AM on April 12, 2010


I mean, he asks about the details the dumper gives him. In detail.
posted by Hildegarde at 4:47 AM on April 12, 2010


I don't think the people who would use this service thing it's worthwhile and amusing..I get the impression that they are extremely pissed off. The people requesting the dumping want to see their former flames be publicly humiliated, as pay back for whatever it is they've done.
posted by Hildegarde at 4:49 AM on April 12, 2010


I could have used this service to break up with a really bad boss I had. I had told her I was giving my notice. I gave my notice. I cleared out my desk. I never returned. A month later I got a card saying that she was treating my absence as a "leave" and was holding my position open until I was ready to return. I never responded, but I asked HR to tell her to stop contacting me. This might have been more entertaining.
posted by Biblio at 5:49 AM on April 12, 2010


Dirty deeds done dirt cheap.
posted by stormpooper at 6:22 AM on April 12, 2010


Dirty deeds done dirt cheap.

IMulch4U
posted by the aloha at 6:35 AM on April 12, 2010


I could have used this when I canceled my AOL service back the early 90s. Clinging bastards.

They still call. I'm scared.
posted by Splunge at 6:52 AM on April 12, 2010 [1 favorite]


I would dump 4 u, yeah
darlin' if you want me 2
(and pay me $10)
posted by Dr-Baa at 9:39 AM on April 12, 2010


This is what the internet was made for.
posted by Jim Slade at 9:54 AM on April 12, 2010


revmitcz: “Personally, I think this is a wonderful service... Most of the people on these calls have been broken up with by the person in question several times. Or, there was a genuine attempt, and the dumpee was "ohh.. we'll work it out". That's a tough place to be, and it can be hard to get up the anger to really tell the person to just fuck right off. So, this guy with no shame is offering to do the hard work for you. ¶ Why is that so wrong? ¶ Moreover, I've never understood this idea of trying to maintain false civility when dumping someone. You're breaking up with them because you don't want them in your life anymore. Why be nice and cordial about it? I don't see what that accomplishes, and can often make things much worse. If you try too hard to be nice, the person you're dumping might even misunderstand you, and now you've got to do it AGAIN. Being direct and a bit of a meanie about it makes the message crystal clear. Not to mention - it helps that person get over you a lot quicker if they think ‘well, they were a shitty person anyway’. ¶ Everybody wins, damnit.”

There's so much silliness in this comment, revmitcz, that it's clear you've never been really and truly dumped before; but I guess that's understandable. It would take me more time than I have to go over it point by point.

Suffice it to say: it doesn't help anybody get over anything when they just walk away saying "oh, that person/thing/dream/desire/wish/whatever was just pointless anyhow." That's dismissive, and it negates any lesson that could be learned or growth that could happen; and it means that people that tend to do that sort of thing end up repeating the same mistakes over and over and over again.

It's particularly easy to end up in the situation where you're repeating mistakes in breakup situations, because the very natural human desire is to flee the pain and forget about it. But if you do that, you're turning your back on a part of yourself, and you're allowing desire for freedom from pain induce you to be cruel to another human being.

Nobody deserves that. No matter how much moral equivalence you do, nobody deserves to be dumped via a cold, impersonal guy that you've never met. And while moral equivalence may be a popular pastime nowadays - particularly on the internet, where we seem capable of justifying all sorts of ridiculously hurtful cruelty simply by telling ourselves that they deserved it in some way - that doesn't make it right. In fact, this is a very juvenile approach to morality, because when we act this way it indicates that we've never been on the receiving end of such cruelty.

And for what? Because people don't have the guts to just face someone and tell them that it's over. You can say that sometimes they actually tried to break up with the person before, but you know what? That's a cop-out. It's obviously not true. If you say to your significant other: "I am breaking up with you. I am going to walk out this door and not talk to you again. If you call me, I will not answer the phone." - and then you actually do those things - you will manage to break up with them. I promise.

It's just a very natural fear of hurting someone else, combined with a desire to avoid the uncomfortable but necessary conversation. Yeah, it's hard to interact with others when the subject is intense, but it's necessary.

People really hate doing this nowadays. They're positively terrified of actual, genuine human interaction. This service is just a service based on fear and cruelty. That's all.
posted by koeselitz at 11:47 AM on April 12, 2010 [2 favorites]


Of the fifty ways to leave your lover, I don't think this is one of them.

No, no, this was definitely in one of the alternate verses.

"Outsource the call, Paul", I think. Or was it "Proxy the phone, Joan"?
posted by cortex at 12:53 PM on April 12, 2010 [1 favorite]


posted by cortex No, no, this was definitely in one of the alternate verses. "Outsource the call, Paul", I think. Or was it "Proxy the phone, Joan"?

The problem is all about you being a pansy
The answer is not to hire some fatass named Bradley
To call your lover and break up by proxy
This is a stupid way to leave your lover

He'll say things both embarrassing and really crude
Furthermore he will record the call about your private feud
And then he'll upload it, online to be reviewed
This is a stupid way to leave your lover
A stupid way to leave your lover

Just don't call her back, Jack
Make a new call, Paul
You don't need a ringtone, Joan
Just forget Bradley
Send him a text, Beth
Don't need to spellcheck
Maybe use your Wii, Lee
And forget Bradley
posted by mattdidthat at 2:16 PM on April 12, 2010 [1 favorite]


He has a link about the legal ramifications on the sidebar: http://www.rcfp.org/taping/. Seems most states allow you to record a conversation if you are one of the parties involved, and only about a dozen require all-party consent.
posted by daHIFI at 4:24 PM on April 12, 2010


The first one I listened to sounded real... the person kept going, "Hello?" "Huh?" "What?" "Who is this again?"
posted by biochemist at 6:19 PM on April 12, 2010


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