Muslims, Back From Whence You Came

April 13, 2010 11:13 AM

The American Family Association has come up with a novel idea to restore patriotism to America's shores: repatriate Muslims back to their home countries.
posted by reenum (132 comments total)

Thank Ba'al I'm not a Muslim. Also, this is going to friggin' MELT YOUR MIND: some of those deported Muslims are going to get deported RIGHT BACK TO THE USA!
posted by GuyZero at 11:17 AM on April 13, 2010 [10 favorites]

Ooh, once we're done with that we're going to send the blacks back to Africa, right? FFS.
posted by Caduceus at 11:17 AM on April 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

My congressman, Keith Ellison, is a Muslim. He was born in Detroit.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:17 AM on April 13, 2010 [11 favorites]

Funny thing. I'm pretty sure the Nazis initial "Solution" was to ship all the Jews to Madagascar. Not their "home" country but the same old, same old out-of-sight-out-of-mind pragmatism.
posted by philip-random at 11:18 AM on April 13, 2010

They're also going to make the French take back Detroit, so that solves that issue.
posted by GuyZero at 11:18 AM on April 13, 2010 [9 favorites]

Like Chris Rock, we're not about patriotism. We're about hate-riotism.
posted by reenum at 11:19 AM on April 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Not a novel idea
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 11:19 AM on April 13, 2010

I'm a fucking illiterate racist piece of shit AND I VOTE!!!
posted by Damn That Television at 11:19 AM on April 13, 2010 [12 favorites]

Heinous.
posted by abc123xyzinfinity at 11:22 AM on April 13, 2010

I think we should just send EVERYONE back to where they came from and then the Native Americans can have it back, turn the whole country into a casino, and become the richest motherfuckers that ever lived.
posted by spicynuts at 11:23 AM on April 13, 2010 [40 favorites]

I'm sorry, but doesn't everyone just stop reading at 'mindless political correctness'? I couldn't go on, for the giggles.
posted by carsonb at 11:23 AM on April 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Those who are willing to convert to Christianity and renounce Islam, Allah, Mohammed and the Koran may be welcomed, for they can become not just good Christians but true Americans.

Because only Christians are true Americans. Where are us unbelievers supposed to be "repatriated" to?
posted by brundlefly at 11:23 AM on April 13, 2010 [9 favorites]

I can think of a few Christians that ought to be deported.
posted by TedW at 11:24 AM on April 13, 2010 [5 favorites]

Where are us unbelievers supposed to be "repatriated" to?

Canada?
posted by never used baby shoes at 11:25 AM on April 13, 2010 [4 favorites]

But I don't want to move back to Virginia!
posted by Burhanistan at 11:25 AM on April 13, 2010 [15 favorites]

Why force them to chafe against the freedom, liberty and civil rights we cherish in the West?

At least one of those words is extremely narrowly-defined. For the sake of parsimony, I'm going to assume it's the word 'we'.
posted by gurple at 11:27 AM on April 13, 2010 [12 favorites]

Leviticus 19:34: The alien who resides with you shall be to you as the citizen among you; you shall love the alien as yourself, for you were aliens in the land of Egypt: I am the Lord your God.

When Leviticus is more progressive than you, it's time to dial it back a notch.
posted by Lemurrhea at 11:27 AM on April 13, 2010 [254 favorites]

Send the Catholics back to The Vatican!! ??
posted by Some1 at 11:28 AM on April 13, 2010

Send the Baptists back underwater!! ??
posted by Threeway Handshake at 11:32 AM on April 13, 2010 [13 favorites]

From Wikipedia:

The American Family Association (AFA) is a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization that promotes conservative Christian values such as traditional marriage, anti-pornography, anti-gay, and pro-life activism¹, as well as other public policy goals such as deregulation of the oil industry² and lobbying against the Employee Free Choice Act³

My thoughts:
¹ Ok, this fits in pretty much with the whole "conservative Christian values" thing.
² Huh? WWOBJD?^*
3 You're doing it wrong. You hate this one because it's Communist. Jesus loved unions!


^* What Would Oil Baron Jesus Do?
posted by djgh at 11:32 AM on April 13, 2010 [4 favorites]

This is why the world hates us.
posted by Lutoslawski at 11:32 AM on April 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

SHOCK SOME MUSLIMS ARE WHITE SHOCK MUSLIM IS NOT A RACE OR A NATIONALITY SHOCK
posted by shakespeherian at 11:32 AM on April 13, 2010 [6 favorites]

I'm confident Mr. Fischer has a well-reasoned and robust argument for why his proposal does not violate the First Amendment and is compatable with "the freedom, liberty and civil rights we cherish in the West".

Clearly, the fear of a terrible fate in his local sharia court is preventing him from articulating this argument.
posted by [citation needed] at 11:33 AM on April 13, 2010 [4 favorites]

Ok, this fits in pretty much with the whole "conservative Christian values" thing.

And by that I mean it's expected, not that it's good
posted by djgh at 11:33 AM on April 13, 2010

OK, that's it. Get the fuck off my hunting grounds, palefaces.
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:33 AM on April 13, 2010 [23 favorites]

i'm so tired of the lolxtian stuff guys cut it out
posted by Optimus Chyme at 11:34 AM on April 13, 2010 [5 favorites]

I would be perfectly fine with most Christians returning to where their faith began.

djgh, that oil industry thing is hilarious. I wonder what their Biblical justification is.
posted by brundlefly at 11:34 AM on April 13, 2010

I actually am in favor of sending Dagon worshipers back to the sea, where they can live out the rest of their evil days more as fish than men, which, let's face it, is what they are.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:35 AM on April 13, 2010 [13 favorites]

But how will he be able to tell if newly-converted "Christians" really meant it and aren't abstaining from pork and praying to Allah in secret. We'll need a division to administer religious tests of some kind...somebody to inquire into their real religious devotion.

Hmm, what to call it?
posted by emjaybee at 11:35 AM on April 13, 2010 [19 favorites]

Restore the Teegeeack! Send the humans back to the Galactic Confederacy!
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 11:35 AM on April 13, 2010

SHOCK SOME MUSLIMS ARE WHITE SHOCK MUSLIM IS NOT A RACE OR A NATIONALITY SHOCK

Easily managed. The AFA chooses a few million candidates for deportation, and they all have to walk past Bryan Fischer and he gets to decide if they look Muslim enough to get the boot.
posted by gurple at 11:35 AM on April 13, 2010

Remember the Mayflower!

(quick reminder: The Mayflower has a famous place in American history as a symbol of early European colonization of the future US. With their religion oppressed by the English Church and government, the small party of religious Puritan separatists who comprised about half of the passengers on the ship desired a life where they could practice their religion freely.)
posted by filthy light thief at 11:36 AM on April 13, 2010

I think we should just send EVERYONE back to where they came from and then the Native Americans can have it back, turn the whole country into a casino, and become the richest motherfuckers that ever lived.

I'd like to nominate this for funniest comment so far this year.
posted by Caduceus at 11:36 AM on April 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

Where are they sending the atheists? I'm not atheist, but I have the feeling wherever they get sent will have the best dental care, and I'm down with that shit.
posted by yeloson at 11:36 AM on April 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

This will protect our national security and preserve our national identity, culture, ideals and values.

I for one am glad we finally came to an agreement on what constitutes American identity, culture, ideals and values!
posted by contessa at 11:37 AM on April 13, 2010

Muslims continue to have as their objective the Islamization of the entire world, including the U.S., and are taught by their god to use force where necessary to accomplish the goal.

Fair enough, but most Christian sects have pretty much the same mandate. They can both shove it as far as I'm concerned.

The Jews, while also Run by Old Men in Funny Hats Who Want to Run Your Life, don't seek converts and gave us Jack Kirby, Will Eisner and Harvey Kurtzman, so I don't have a problem with them.
posted by Scoo at 11:37 AM on April 13, 2010

NO ONE EXPECTS THE AMERICAN INQUISITION!!

Comfy chair, anyone?
posted by spicynuts at 11:38 AM on April 13, 2010

I'd like to nominate this for funniest comment so far this year.

I'm proud to accept your nomination. I'd like to thank my producer (who shall remain nameless because he's jewish and i don't want him deported), oh, and of course Jesus, and my family and oh I couldn't have done it without you, Jesse James!!
posted by spicynuts at 11:39 AM on April 13, 2010

We'll need a division to administer religious tests of some kind...somebody to inquire into their real religious devotion.
Hmm, what to call it? posted by emjaybee

Yea but no one would expect them
posted by ShawnString at 11:41 AM on April 13, 2010

But how will he be able to tell if newly-converted "Christians" really meant it and aren't abstaining from pork

Wait, will this mean mandatory pork eating to prove that I'm really an American*? 'Cause I'm really starting to change my mind on the whole plan if so. On the other hand, it'll probably be an unfunded mandate.

*Mandatory pork eating to prove that you're a citizen of the State of North Carolina is obviously already the law.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 11:41 AM on April 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

shit spicynuts…you beat me
posted by ShawnString at 11:42 AM on April 13, 2010

Wait I just realized the AFA probably thinks this is a really sly way to force Obama to leave and go to Kenya.
posted by shakespeherian at 11:44 AM on April 13, 2010 [3 favorites]

Remember the Mayflower!

My lineage can be traced right back to John and Patricia Alden (as, no doubt, can many hundreds of thousands of other Americans), and I'm a Muslim! Take that, America!
posted by Burhanistan at 11:44 AM on April 13, 2010 [9 favorites]

(Priscilla, sorry)
posted by Burhanistan at 11:45 AM on April 13, 2010

Wait I just realized the AFA probably thinks this is a really sly way to force Obama to leave and go to Kenya.

Tonight's headline: Sarah Palin exiled from Alaska, Inuit nations send her off with, "You really need some Jesus."
posted by yeloson at 11:47 AM on April 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

Also: Do Scientologists get loaded on DC-10's and flown into volcanoes? There may be some win in this plan after all....
posted by yeloson at 11:48 AM on April 13, 2010 [7 favorites]

Hmmm, which country to choose? I'm Swedish, German and Irish with a little English thrown in. Do I go with...

* the country with awesome social services
* the country with awesome beer
* the country with a booming economy
* the country with the best humor, hands down?

So hard to pick!
posted by bitter-girl.com at 11:52 AM on April 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

(not that I'm Muslim, I'm just saying...if they're springing for the move...)
posted by bitter-girl.com at 11:53 AM on April 13, 2010

The Jews, while also Run by Old Men in Funny Hats Who Want to Run Your Life

Oh come on, that's just some Jews. I assure you, non-Orthodox Jews definitely have no Old Men in Funny Hats trying to run anyone's life - some old- and middle-aged men and women, perhaps, but it's a very different proposition. Because, in fact it's not true of any Jews, in that even the ones who are run by OMFH aren't trying to run your life unless you're a Brooklyn hipster riding a bike. No rabbi cares that Christians eat pork.
posted by Tomorrowful at 12:04 PM on April 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

I except Christ...can I stay?
posted by Postroad at 12:05 PM on April 13, 2010 [4 favorites]

Anyone ever notice that most groups that have "Family" in their name are mostly just bigoted rotters?
posted by darkstar at 12:05 PM on April 13, 2010 [6 favorites]

I can't wait to see how they handle all the self-proclaimed Jedi.
posted by subbes at 12:06 PM on April 13, 2010 [3 favorites]

NO ONE EXPECTS THE AMERICAN INQUISITION!!

Sadly, at this point, pretty much every foreign national coming into the U.S. through Customs is half-expecting the American Inquisition.
posted by aught at 12:06 PM on April 13, 2010 [7 favorites]

This is why the world hates us.

Because we extend freedom of speech to everyone, even the nutbags?

Don't get me wrong this is right around the bend crazy, and I'm for calling it that.
posted by nola at 12:07 PM on April 13, 2010

The AFA should be deported ... back to the rock from which they crawled out from under.
posted by kuppajava at 12:08 PM on April 13, 2010

I can't wait to see how they handle all the self-proclaimed Jedi.

I do not accept this premise.
posted by gurple at 12:08 PM on April 13, 2010

On second thought fuck it. We really do look like clowns.
posted by nola at 12:09 PM on April 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

The American Family Association?

I for one am glad they're able to concentrate on other issues after finally getting that Mighty-Mouse-sniffing-coke thing resolved.
posted by box at 12:11 PM on April 13, 2010

Wow. I hadn't scrolled through the Media Matters site for a while. Just scanning through the crap they debunk is good for a quick 20 point blood pressure increase.
posted by aught at 12:12 PM on April 13, 2010

This will work particularly well for those Muslims who are descended from Muslim slaves. They get the two for one deal.
posted by QIbHom at 12:13 PM on April 13, 2010

I for one am glad they're able to concentrate on other issues after finally getting that Mighty-Mouse-sniffing-coke thing resolved.

In fairness, it was the Eighties. If somebody sniffed something, there was a good chance it was either coke or panties.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:14 PM on April 13, 2010

Where are us unbelievers supposed to be "repatriated" to?

Canada? I'm pretty sure the AFA considers us godless up here.
posted by five fresh fish at 12:19 PM on April 13, 2010

Many of the first African slaves in America were actually Muslim . . . I wonder if this fact would be of any interest to the AFA.
posted by Dee Xtrovert at 12:21 PM on April 13, 2010

From here, as part of the explanation of why we should deport Muslims:

Why force them to chafe against the freedom, liberty and civil rights we cherish in the West?

tee hee hee hee hee

How do these people manage to put their pants on in the morning without getting confused and putting them on their heads, or something?
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 12:23 PM on April 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

So if I worship pork and eat Jesus, do I get to stay?
posted by JaredSeth at 12:25 PM on April 13, 2010

* the country with a booming economy

Err, not really anymore. Although you could change it to "the country with the most fiscally responsible government in the EU"
posted by atrazine at 12:29 PM on April 13, 2010

What an asshole for Christ.
posted by Ron Thanagar at 12:30 PM on April 13, 2010

So if I worship pork and eat Jesus, do I get to stay?

Here's your diety!
posted by Burhanistan at 12:32 PM on April 13, 2010

"The Citizens of the United States of America have a right to applaud themselves for giving to Mankind examples of an enlarged and liberal policy: a policy worthy of imitation. All possess alike liberty of conscience and immunities of citizenship. It is now no more that toleration is spoken of, as if it was by the indulgence of one class of people that another enjoyed the exercise of their inherent natural rights. For happily the Government of the United States, which gives to bigotry no sanction, to persecution no assistance, requires only that they who live under its protection, should demean themselves as good citizens."
--George Washington, 1790.

Of course he was plagiarizing Moses Seixas for part of that. But it still is a nail in the coffin of those who argue that the radical protections of religious liberty written into the Constitution were meant only to apply to those of Christian faith.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 12:37 PM on April 13, 2010 [5 favorites]

Here's your diety!

That's easily the best holy-apparition-in-a-foodstuff I've seen.
posted by shakespeherian at 12:37 PM on April 13, 2010

Dee Xtrovert I wonder if this fact would be of any interest to the AFA.

I wonder if this bicycle would be of any interest to this fish.
posted by aeschenkarnos at 12:47 PM on April 13, 2010 [25 favorites]

I sure hope they find a place to send those of us with Christian beliefs and patriot leanings who still think the AFA are total fuck wads. Because if they're working on shipping everybody else out, I'm sure not sticking around here with those assholes.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:51 PM on April 13, 2010 [4 favorites]

HATE!

The Manson Family Value
posted by nomisxid at 12:52 PM on April 13, 2010

But aren't conservative Muslims likely to have similar "family values" politics to these conservative Christians? the marriage stuff, anti-porn stuff, anti-gay stuff, ... wouldn't they want conservative religious people around?
posted by ServSci at 12:56 PM on April 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Fischer: In fact, what we must protect ourselves from are Amerophobes, those who hate us because of who we are and what we believe.

Heh. Irony. Think it's occurred to him that what he and his fellow nutcrackers and what they believe (e.g. xenophobia, invading other people's countries, shooting other people etc. etc.) actually contributes to people hating them?
posted by WalterMitty at 12:56 PM on April 13, 2010

But aren't conservative Muslims likely to have similar "family values" politics to these conservative Christians? the marriage stuff, anti-porn stuff, anti-gay stuff, ... wouldn't they want conservative religious people around?

Fear of the Other trumps all.
posted by zarq at 12:58 PM on April 13, 2010

Ironically, few policies my country could enact would make me feel less patriotic.
posted by Ufez Jones at 1:00 PM on April 13, 2010

i don't know, you let a colony go it alone and this is what they get up to? colonists huh?
posted by marienbad at 1:04 PM on April 13, 2010

"Dee Xtrovert I wonder if this fact would be of any interest to the AFA.

I wonder if this bicycle would be of any interest to this fish."

I like this game. I want to play.

I wonder if this typewriter would be of any interest to this cucumber.

Ha, this may catch on.
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 1:06 PM on April 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

How many pans did that fella have to burn to get a Jesus like that? I want one!
posted by randomyahoo at 1:07 PM on April 13, 2010

Toby Elles from Lancaster, England, says he found this image on a frying pan. He had fallen asleep after putting some bacon on the grill.

Bull-SHIT.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 1:12 PM on April 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

Take an organization explicitly founded on irrational beliefs and then be amazed at their irrational beliefs.

A bunch of bigots bound by a common belief system utterly immune to reason spout bigotry! Amazing!

A great white shark attacked a human being! Amazing!

"Good" news, there's an endless supply of FPP material out there, more created every single day.
posted by VikingSword at 1:19 PM on April 13, 2010

I'm not amazed by their irrational beliefs. There are bigots and racists in every country.

I'm more amazed that they are part of the mainstream political dialogue, thanks to Fox News and the like.
posted by reenum at 1:23 PM on April 13, 2010

If someone had showed us the Bacon Messiah in Hebrew school, we'd all be Jews for Jesus by now.
posted by JaredSeth at 1:35 PM on April 13, 2010

I hereby rename the acronym AFA once known as the American Family Association to be properly expanded as the American Fuckhead Association.

You know, for accuracy, truth and the American Way.
posted by loquacious at 1:37 PM on April 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

VikingSword from what I understand a great white shark is much less likely to attack a human being than a bunch of bigots are prone to be immune to reason
posted by supermedusa at 1:38 PM on April 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

FISH. ON A BIKE.
posted by Kwine at 1:41 PM on April 13, 2010

I can't wait to see how they handle all the self-proclaimed Jedi.

That could get ugly.
posted by homunculus at 1:44 PM on April 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

But it still is a nail in the coffin of those who argue that the radical protections of religious liberty written into the Constitution were meant only to apply to those of Christian faith.

See also Jefferson's Act for Establishing Religious Freedom (in Virginia):

no man shall be compelled to frequent or support any religious worship, place, or ministry whatsoever, nor shall be enforced, restrained, molested, or burdened in his body or goods, nor shall otherwise suffer on account of his religious opinions or belief; but that all men shall be free to profess, and by argument to maintain, their opinions in matters of religion, and that the same shall in nowise diminish, enlarge, or affect their civil capacities.

And Madison's Remonstrance Against Religious Assessments.

Who does not see that the same authority which can establish Christianity, in exclusion of all other Religions, may establish with the same ease any particular sect of Christians, in exclusion of all other Sects?

Not to mention the good ol' Treaty of Tripoli.

If you ever want to be really confused, look up a Dominionist website explaining why none of these things mean what they say.
posted by Zed at 1:51 PM on April 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

The small French-language college in Canada, that I just early-retired from, has actively and successfully recruited students from Africa for the past ten years. The students come mostly from Morocco, Senegal, Mali, Algeria, Democratic Republic of Congo, Rwanda, Tunisia, Ivory Coast, Burundi, and other countries that were once colonies of France. The vast majority of these international students are Muslim. Some are Christian (a range of denominations), a few are Animists, and one or two have been Jews. However, what links them all is that they are Africans who speak French as a second or first language, hence their common denominator is not that they're majority Muslim.

The Franco-Canadian students at the college (vastly but not exclusively White) are still in the overall majority of the student body. Some were initially taken aback at the, seemingly, sudden presence of so many students from Africa. I suspect this was because the new students were either Black or Mediterranian in appearance, rather than that they were mostly Muslim. Religion didn't seem to come into play, perhaps because the local students have been increasingly indifferent to conventional Christianity. And I would call their initial reaction "puzzlement" rather than "racism".

Things are changing - positively, I think - at the college, but it's not a perfect world. Nobody there would send Muslims home because they're Muslim, but they might be sent back because they didn't fill out the right paperwork, this being Canada after all.
posted by drogien at 1:57 PM on April 13, 2010 [3 favorites]

Where the preamble declares, that coercion is a departure from the plan of the holy author of our religion, an amendment was proposed by inserting "Jesus Christ," so that it would read "A departure from the plan of Jesus Christ, the holy author of our religion;" the insertion was rejected by the great majority, in proof that they meant to comprehend, within the mantle of its protection, the Jew and the Gentile, the Christian and Mohammedan, the Hindoo and Infidel of every denomination.

-- Thomas Jefferson, Autobiography, on the Virginia Act For Establishing Religious Freedom
posted by kirkaracha at 1:57 PM on April 13, 2010 [8 favorites]

Yeah! Thomas Jefferson! The Texas Board of Education voted to remove him from textbooks. Maybe one of their members is with the AFA.
posted by PuppyCat at 2:03 PM on April 13, 2010

Is the cognitive dissonance involved in being a conservative Christian completely exhausting? Because I can't even wrap my head around the idea of worshipping a God of love and forgiveness, espousing the values of life's ever changing surprises (another baby, God will provide!), and then turning around and looking at immigration, cultural tolerance, homosexuality, atheism or the death penalty and saying:

This is where God's lessons for us end, there is no forgiveness, love or acceptance for those who have not yet heard God's message. There is no lesson from God here, his grace is absent from this whole realm of discourse. All that stuff we say about God giving you no more than you can handle, or his infinite message of hope and forgiveness doesn't apply.

It seems like there used to be some kind of history of faith and hope to combat the fear. Hell, the fear was about your own potential mistakes on the path to salvation, or a nebulous temptation or evil that wasn't so specifically linked to a group of individuals. Now it's like the message of spreading salvation has gotten narrowed down to this ugly prosperity theology where there are a few people on the lifeboat waiting for the Jesus rescue chopper, and throwing out anyone who rocks their narrow little world.
posted by BrotherCaine at 2:17 PM on April 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

I would actually love to live in many of the places I could be repatriated to, but they'd probably elect to send me back to all of them, so I wouldn't be able to live in any of them.
posted by davejay at 2:19 PM on April 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

"I think we should just send EVERYONE back to where they came from..."

I am a typical American mutt of at least half a dozen different ethnicities. Where do I go? :(
posted by Jacqueline at 2:22 PM on April 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Sorry, we're going to have to sell you for medical experiments.
posted by InfidelZombie at 2:34 PM on April 13, 2010 [3 favorites]

Eponysterical.
posted by Saxon Kane at 2:53 PM on April 13, 2010

The founding fathers insisted on absolute religious liberty because they knew full well that the alternative could be something like Cromwell's bans on Christmas and mince pie. Which would plunge the newly formed United States into civil unrest, if not outright civil war. Even in the 21st century, neighbors politely consider neighbors damned heretics for having a pipe organ or drum kit in church services.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 2:53 PM on April 13, 2010

I don't get the "renounce Allah" part. Isn't the Muslim god the same entity as the Christian god? So, the AFA wants Muslims to renounce God as a pathway to becoming Christian? How do they maintain this level of convoluted thinking without their heads exploding?
posted by amyms at 3:05 PM on April 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

How do they maintain this level of convoluted thinking without their heads exploding?

That's the first test.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 3:10 PM on April 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Nuts have website, film at 11.
posted by jquinby at 3:22 PM on April 13, 2010

Giosué: "No Jews or Dogs Allowed." Why do all the shops say, "No Jews Allowed"?
Guido: Oh, that. "Not Allowed" signs are the latest trend! The other day, I was in a shop with my Chinese friend and his pet kangaroo, but their sign said, "No Chinese or Kangaroos Allowed," and I said to my friend, "Well, what can I do? They don't allow kangaroos."
Giosué: We let everyone in our shop, don't we?
Guido: Well, tomorrow, we'll put one up. We won't let in anything we don't like. What don't you like?
Giosué: Spiders.
Guido: Good I don't like Visigoths. Tomorrow, we'll get a sign: "No Spiders or Visigoths Allowed."


Life is Beautiful. Ain't it.
posted by bearwife at 3:25 PM on April 13, 2010

It seems like there used to be some kind of history of faith and hope to combat the fear. Hell, the fear was about your own potential mistakes on the path to salvation, or a nebulous temptation or evil that wasn't so specifically linked to a group of individuals. Now it's like the message of spreading salvation has gotten narrowed down to this ugly prosperity theology where there are a few people on the lifeboat waiting for the Jesus rescue chopper, and throwing out anyone who rocks their narrow little world.

My impression has always been that some sects of Christianity (and to some extent the more extremist sects of Judaism and Islam,) place non-believers in a position where they deserve to be punished by G-d simply because they do not believe. This is a mental trick that is probably as old as humanity itself. By dehumanizing the Other, one can justify any act against another person. One doesn't have to be religious to do this. Look at the Three-Fifths Compromise.
posted by zarq at 3:40 PM on April 13, 2010

Why stop with the expulsion of Muslims? Ferdinand and Isabella sure as heck didn't!
posted by hhc5 at 4:15 PM on April 13, 2010

I don't get the "renounce Allah" part. Isn't the Muslim god the same entity as the Christian god?

No, the AFA does not believe they are the same. That's why say things like: "Muslims continue to have as their objective the Islamization of the entire world, including the U.S., and are taught by their god to use force where necessary to accomplish the goal."
posted by nave at 4:26 PM on April 13, 2010

Yeah, if I'm remembering my Jack Chick tracts right, the correct line to take here is that Allah is actually a pre-Islamic pagan moon god or something. But, honestly, it's the AFA; expecting any internal logical consistency from their ideology or theology is missing the point entirely.

They have no real message beyond, "The people from the other village are different from us! Kill them!"
posted by strangely stunted trees at 5:57 PM on April 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

"Wait, will this mean mandatory pork eating to prove that I'm really an American?"

As a Vegan-American, I would like to request that a different shibboleth be chosen.

I do not wish to be deported back to Vega.
posted by kyrademon at 6:02 PM on April 13, 2010 [6 favorites]

SHOCK SOME MUSLIMS ARE WHITE SHOCK

All the good jokes have been taken, so let me just say that nevermind us white muslims, the single largest group of muslims in the US are Black American converts, their children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. More than Arabs. More than Indians. It bears reflecting on why after 60+ years of Black muslim presence in the US, the overriding image of muslims is still of an Arab foreigner.
posted by BinGregory at 6:25 PM on April 13, 2010 [4 favorites]

Yeah, if I'm remembering my Jack Chick tracts right, the correct line to take here is that Allah is actually a pre-Islamic pagan moon god or something.

Yes, that is indeed the rationalization they use to say they worship a "different" god. The second line of the Quran says otherwise, but since Obama is a secret Muslim why shouldn't the core verse of Islam's holy book be a ruse?
posted by Burhanistan at 6:31 PM on April 13, 2010

Thanks for the answers about the "God vs. Allah" thing. I was under the impression that all the Abrahamic religions basically worshipped the same god. I see that I was a little naive about that, and I found this Wikipedia page interesting.
posted by amyms at 6:57 PM on April 13, 2010

Wow. I.... Wow.

When my wife and I got married (back in 1997) we got an AFA marriage package from a nutbar aunt of mine. I'd never heard of them, but we chucked it because we weren't into religious stuff. Little did I realize just how whackjobby these guys would turn out to be. I'm so glad that package spent less than 24 hours in my house (I repatriated it to the dump).
posted by DU at 6:59 PM on April 13, 2010

Of possible interest, Dr Sherman Jackson, author of Islam and the Blackamerican, theorizes something of a strategic muslim response to attempts to alien-ate immigrant muslims and their descendants: Muslims, Race and Racial Agnosia in America
posted by BinGregory at 7:06 PM on April 13, 2010

fff: "Canada? I'm pretty sure the AFA considers us godless up here."

Let's pray to pinesi'wa we stay that way.
posted by sneebler at 7:06 PM on April 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'm just baffled that these folks can't tell the difference between a religious affiliation and a country of origin. That's like telling Catholics to go back to Vatican City.

If you're going to be bigots, at least be informed.
posted by FormlessOne at 7:29 PM on April 13, 2010

I wonder if this bicycle would be of any interest to this fish.

I can confirm, I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about, could not care less about this "bicycle" concept you keep pushing, will not support you in your farcical attempt to gain my attention, and, in short, have absolutely no interest in your idea of a "bicycle." Go back where you came from!
posted by five fresh fish at 8:03 PM on April 13, 2010

Time to give America back to the Americans. All whites and Christians back to Europe.
posted by arse_hat at 8:45 PM on April 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

if they'd start buying their muslins at a better store than wal-mart, they wouldn't need to send them back
posted by pyramid termite at 8:51 PM on April 13, 2010

If your people weren't here when it was all Pangaea, GTFO!
posted by grubi at 5:44 AM on April 14, 2010

There really ought to be a law that bans scary fringe lunatic groups from taking benign-sounding names.
posted by liquidindian at 6:21 AM on April 14, 2010

Also from the (Un)American Family Association:

"Baseball: Booooooring!"

"Just Because a Woman has a Baby Doesn't Make her Special."

"Ew! Apple pie is gross."
posted by straight at 7:56 AM on April 14, 2010 [2 favorites]

SEND THE NATIVE AMERICANS BACK ACROSS THE LAND BRIDGE!!!
posted by blue_beetle at 8:16 AM on April 14, 2010 [3 favorites]

I often wonder why the people who push the hardest for us all to support America and Christianity never spend any time actually reading the documents upon which both are founded. Oh they might cherry-pick a few phrases here and there, but there's absolutely no concept of the big picture idea central to each institution.
posted by caution live frogs at 9:51 AM on April 14, 2010 [2 favorites]

...why the people who push the hardest for us all to support America and Christianity never spend any time actually reading the documents...

Reading, rule of law, and a fair number of Christian values are counter to the American Way.

And by "American Way", I mean, "Anything means what we want it to mean, when we want it to mean that, regardless of what we said 5 minutes ago, or whether we're doing the same thing ourselves."
posted by yeloson at 1:45 PM on April 14, 2010 [1 favorite]

i'm so tired of the lolxtian stuff guys cut it out

That's interesting. I'm also tired of the thread-shitting in Star Wars threads.

Funnily enough, a large premise of that particular interest is mocking things that don't exist.

Back on topic: mad people are prone to suggest mad things.
posted by panboi at 2:08 PM on April 14, 2010

SEND THE NATIVE AMERICANS BACK ACROSS THE LAND BRIDGE!!!

Agreed. Enough with these tiny, hairless, "bipedal" elites! The real America is extinct megafauna.
posted by brundlefly at 4:07 PM on April 14, 2010 [4 favorites]

I should start a movement centered around this. I could call it the "Tar Party."
posted by brundlefly at 4:07 PM on April 14, 2010 [3 favorites]

How big an organization is the AFA? What is their annual budget, etc.?
posted by cell divide at 4:57 PM on April 14, 2010

How big an organization is the AFA? What is their annual budget, etc.?

Wikipedia sez:

The organization has an annual budget of roughly US$14 million and owns 180 American Family Radio stations in 28 states.

The cited source is behind a login wall, though.
posted by jquinby at 5:09 PM on April 14, 2010

Thanks jquinby. I was thinking they were a trivial group, but apparently not. Not that powerful or large, but not to be dismissed either.
posted by cell divide at 5:12 PM on April 14, 2010

...though a recent press release mentions an annual budget of more than $20M. One wonders what John Wesley ("When I have money, I get rid of it quickly, lest it find a way into my heart.") would make of a $20M budget.
posted by jquinby at 5:24 PM on April 14, 2010 [1 favorite]

The real America is extinct megafauna.

A t-shirt. A bumper sticker. A rallying cry!
posted by philip-random at 8:52 PM on April 14, 2010 [3 favorites]

Can we not return America to the single-celled organisms that colonized it so many years ago?

ABIOGENESISITES FOR AMERICA !!!
posted by blue_beetle at 8:09 AM on April 16, 2010