RESPOND!

April 23, 2010 7:20 PM

You! The one who is moving now! Answer! (SLVimeo, yelling Klingons)

Brought to you via the goodness of pre-digital interactive media: Star Trek: The Next Generation Interactive VCR Board Game – A Klingon Challenge. For what it's worth, it was made by the company that made the original Star Trek TCG. I just learned about the embezzlement charges.

posted by Tesseractive (59 comments total)

YOU! THE ONE WHO IS COMMENTING ON THIS FPP!
posted by idiopath at 7:25 PM on April 23, 2010 [3 favorites]

idiopath: "YOU! THE ONE WHO IS COMMENTING ON THIS FPP!"

nuqjatlh?
posted by ShawnStruck at 7:29 PM on April 23, 2010

Gowron's got the space madness!
posted by Servo5678 at 7:32 PM on April 23, 2010

Are you experienced in bij?
posted by Snyder at 7:37 PM on April 23, 2010 [6 favorites]

I just saw this now, and I was suprised at how many times today that I also growled in frustration and angrily pressed beeping buttons too.

Not so much the wiggling and exploding in space, but the night is still young.

/NNUUNNNGGAAAAA
posted by chambers at 7:45 PM on April 23, 2010

Also, I'd love to see them do this for either Nightmare, or the DVD version of Atmosphear.
posted by ShawnStruck at 7:46 PM on April 23, 2010

Usually I have to pay for services like this.
posted by cheap paper at 7:52 PM on April 23, 2010 [2 favorites]

So, I'm guessing that "Klingon" is basically the most amazingly fun character that any actor will ever have on their resume, ever.
posted by malthas at 7:58 PM on April 23, 2010 [6 favorites]

I am sick and tired of the LOLKLINGONS! posts.
posted by birdherder at 8:02 PM on April 23, 2010 [7 favorites]

Experience beesh?

Really?
posted by schwa at 8:04 PM on April 23, 2010

I experience beese every time I come on metafilter. Joe Beese that is.
posted by hellojed at 8:10 PM on April 23, 2010 [3 favorites]

Oh man, the ironic and non-ironic good times I would have had with that tape as a youngin.
posted by amethysts at 8:10 PM on April 23, 2010

I actually have this game in my closet. (I got it back in the 5th grade or so, and thought it was so cool.) Sadly, I no longer have a VCR with which to play it, so I need to borrow a VCR and import the video to my PC.

Additionally, as my dad discovered, the phrase "EXPERIENCE BIJ!" (shouted at the top of one's lungs) is the perfect way to let your cat know that she is doing something that she should not be.
posted by Katrel at 8:15 PM on April 23, 2010 [17 favorites]

I recall it being an otherwise terrible board game. Like "Sorry" on the Enterprise. Deep down, even as a middle schooler, I think that I was embarrassed to have been playing it.

A VCR tape yelling at you is so demeaning.
posted by alexmestas at 8:35 PM on April 23, 2010 [1 favorite]

what the frakkity frak?
posted by geekhorde at 8:51 PM on April 23, 2010 [2 favorites]

Gowron may have space madness, Servo5678, but that's no excuse for space rudeness!
posted by meandthebean at 8:54 PM on April 23, 2010 [6 favorites]

YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS FAVORITING THIS COMMENT
posted by The Whelk at 8:56 PM on April 23, 2010 [10 favorites]

AM NOT
posted by stavrogin at 8:56 PM on April 23, 2010

Wow, I have this too. My cousins had a gift basket business for a while, and one of their preset arrangements had this game for some reason. I never ever played it. I just watched the video, fast-forwarding through the non-action parts.
posted by mkb at 8:57 PM on April 23, 2010

Yeah, it was awful! My brother and I got it for Christmas and played it once, I think, and we ran out of time and lost. I never did experience the "time warp" because the game got put away in a closet forever, tape unrewound.
posted by bewilderbeast at 9:00 PM on April 23, 2010

So...did this guy ever sell that RV?
posted by PlusDistance at 9:00 PM on April 23, 2010 [2 favorites]

What the hell was that?
posted by zarq at 9:26 PM on April 23, 2010

So, I'm guessing that "Klingon" is basically the most amazingly fun character that any actor will ever have on their resume, ever.

In some interview or behind-the-scenes bit on a DVD or something, I remember someone saying that a lot of Shaespearean actors often got cast as Klingons, 'cause apparently it's a fairly small jump from Dramatic Emotional Iambic Monologues to "THIS RAKTAJINO IS TOO COLD, GAAAAGGGHHHH"
posted by Greg Nog at 9:29 PM on April 23, 2010 [4 favorites]

I want to see the outtakes. YOU! WHATEVERYOURNAMEIS! GET ME A BEER!
posted by longsleeves at 9:29 PM on April 23, 2010

Answer me, maggots! (I had friends who swore this was Robert O'Reilly.)
posted by crataegus at 9:43 PM on April 23, 2010

You will have another opportunity to avoid reading this FPP... and the comments! When you scroll to the top of the page you will experience the "time warp" and, uh, move back in time.
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 9:48 PM on April 23, 2010 [2 favorites]

I am sick and tired of the LOLKLINGONS! posts.

Would you rather an OMGAGA! post? Becuase that can be arranged.
posted by clarknova at 9:51 PM on April 23, 2010

I remember someone saying that a lot of Shaespearean actors often got cast as Klingons, 'cause apparently it's a fairly small jump from Dramatic Emotional Iambic Monologues to "THIS RAKTAJINO IS TOO COLD, GAAAAGGGHHHH"

Well, pretty much all TNG actors were accomplished stage actors. So, hey.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:04 PM on April 23, 2010

I'm drunk and this post makes me feel funny.
posted by vrakatar at 10:07 PM on April 23, 2010

MARTOK WOULD HAVE DONE THIS WITH ONE EYE!
posted by WolfDaddy at 10:13 PM on April 23, 2010 [3 favorites]

Well, pretty much all TNG actors were accomplished stage actors. So, hey.

Totally just pictured Wil Wheaton saying "Why it's Christmas day, sir!"
posted by griphus at 10:21 PM on April 23, 2010 [9 favorites]

We used to play this every year or so. It was basically the best. I believe the nickname he used for the lowest-ranking player was Pooj, which was so demeaning. Oh, Captain Kavok. What a dick.
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 10:31 PM on April 23, 2010

Oh yeah. We played this once. The various terms became catchphrases of our shame. Later, in a D&D game, our druid cast a Summon Swarm of stinging insects and, as the dark roaring buzz welled up around him, he narrowed his eyes at the villain and said,

"You! EXPERIENCE... BEES!"

The swarm descended and we won a decisve victory due to our DM being too busy choking on his Cheetos and Mountain Dew to roll well.
posted by The otter lady at 10:40 PM on April 23, 2010 [33 favorites]

I want to touch the forehead.
posted by mullacc at 11:16 PM on April 23, 2010

It's only a prosthetic forehead on his real head.
posted by The otter lady at 11:26 PM on April 23, 2010 [16 favorites]

I had this game as well and knew what this post was about as soon as I read it. My dad and I used to quote that line at each other all the time!
posted by brundlefly at 11:35 PM on April 23, 2010

I played this game back in the early 90s.
posted by empath at 11:49 PM on April 23, 2010

Who is Bij?
posted by Surfurrus at 12:01 AM on April 24, 2010

METAFILTER: THE ONE WHO RESPONDED FIRST
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 12:06 AM on April 24, 2010 [1 favorite]

Gowron may have space madness, Servo5678, but that's no excuse for space rudeness!

WHOA THERE SLOW DOWN BUDDY. A Futurama quote applied to an old Star Trek VHS-based game might be a little too much for some of us.
posted by spiderskull at 12:12 AM on April 24, 2010 [2 favorites]

Totally just pictured Wil Wheaton saying "Why it's Christmas day, sir!"

Cheap shot! Wheaton may have been a great actor in that show, but we'll never know, because he was handed a crap shit role that was so easy to hate that you couldn't help but project it onto the actor himself.
posted by spiderskull at 12:14 AM on April 24, 2010 [3 favorites]

Personally, I'd just like a rock to wind a piece of string around. He can keep the prosthetic forehead on his real head.
posted by Ghidorah at 12:37 AM on April 24, 2010 [4 favorites]

I watched Gowron and started thinking about a Klingon version of this.

Please, someone, make my vision a reality.
posted by ursus_comiter at 12:52 AM on April 24, 2010 [3 favorites]

Of course in New York it would be:

YO! YEAH, YOU! WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT?

I SAID, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT?
posted by bwg at 2:01 AM on April 24, 2010

I would like to see a Klingon version of this.
posted by Meatbomb at 2:04 AM on April 24, 2010 [2 favorites]

ha, thanks for (sort of) reminding me of Star Trek: Borg... Come on, Sprint! Make a choice!
posted by yoHighness at 2:48 AM on April 24, 2010 [1 favorite]

Meatbomb, would the dialogue have to change at all? I think it'd be pretty good as is:

LOOK AGAIN! THE TICKETS ARE NOW DIAMONDS!

I AM ON A HORSE!

^{added hilarity being Klingons hawking soap and deoderant}
posted by Ghidorah at 3:05 AM on April 24, 2010 [3 favorites]

ha, thanks for (sort of) reminding me of Star Trek: Borg ... Come on, Sprint! Make a choice!

Now there's timing for you. Just last week I posted the whole YouTube version of that "game" (as in, "interactive multimedia experience") to my blog. I wanted the game so badly in my early teens years because Q and the Borg were my favorite Trek characters, but it required Windows 95 and we only have a PC that could handle Windows 3.1. By the time we upgraded, the game was long out of print and gone. In retrospect now that I've seen the game, aside from some awesome Q banter I didn't miss much.
posted by Servo5678 at 4:29 AM on April 24, 2010 [1 favorite]

wow. not meatbomb. Sorry ursus. I'm sure I can store my gigantic shame at jonesbigasstruckstorage.com.
posted by Ghidorah at 4:35 AM on April 24, 2010 [1 favorite]

In retrospect now that I've seen the game, aside from some awesome Q banter I didn't miss much.

I bought this game when it came out and I can confirm this for you. It's a prime example of an awkward 90's foray into multimedia, you could play it through in a couple hours (including some time for patching it when it breaks in the middle), out of which 15 minutes were good (funny Q bits and getting to control a Borg) and then you would only ever pull it off the shelf again to show other kids
posted by yoHighness at 5:06 AM on April 24, 2010

I mean, you take someone who uses the word 'multimedia' seriously, and nine times out of ten they're fucking insane. I now return you to your scheduled EXPERIENCING of BIJ.
posted by yoHighness at 5:12 AM on April 24, 2010 [1 favorite]

I would be the best man at MetaFilter and EIT's wedding.
posted by mccarty.tim at 6:48 AM on April 24, 2010

Oh God, I just experienced Bij and I am the one who is moving now.
posted by Astro Zombie at 7:58 AM on April 24, 2010 [9 favorites]

Aint that a Bij.
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 9:56 AM on April 24, 2010

Also, I'd love to see them do this for either Nightmare, or the DVD version of Atmosphear.

Shawnstruck, you just unlocked a long-buried memory of playing that thing at Alan Mohary's Mom's house when it was too damned hot to go outside and pretend we where Rangers.


Oh boy now it looks ...different. "Yes my Gamekeeper" ....indeed
posted by The Whelk at 10:00 AM on April 24, 2010

All this has happened before, and all of it will happen again
posted by bottlebrushtree at 12:48 PM on April 24, 2010

OK, so, I looked into this bij business and found this over at Wikipedia:

When Kavok tells a player to "experience bIj" the player must draw a bIj card and do whatever it says on the top of the card. However, if the words "Low Level Malfunction" appears on the screen, the player must do whatever it says on the bottom of the card. Kavok will get angry whenever a Low Level Malfunction occurs.

I hope that clears everything up for you. It did nothing for me.
posted by Servo5678 at 4:15 PM on April 24, 2010

So I don't know how sad this is, but my first thought when I looked at that Star Trek: Borg clip was that those were totally the wrong uniforms. The characters are wearing DS9-era uniforms, but Wolf 359 was TNG seasons 3/4.
posted by DiscourseMarker at 6:51 PM on April 24, 2010 [3 favorites]

Amazing.
posted by cavalier at 6:54 PM on April 24, 2010