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Redrawing the map, Economist-style
April 29, 2010 6:27 PM   Subscribe

The European map is outdated and illogical. Here's how it should look.
posted by armage (45 comments total) 9 users marked this as a favorite

 
This is what happens when Economist writers try to be funny.

On the other hand, Economist maps are the handsomest in print and online.
posted by hiteleven at 6:34 PM on April 29, 2010 [3 favorites]


Tongue, meet cheek.
posted by Panjandrum at 6:35 PM on April 29, 2010


I'm going on a nice Adriatic holiday to Vulgaria and Bordello. What?
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 6:35 PM on April 29, 2010


Two thoughts:
1. No place for Latveria? Someone's going to get blasted to ash by robots for that.
2. I think that it is cruel that they have crushed Iceland under an enormous legend.
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:35 PM on April 29, 2010 [3 favorites]


Also;

Metafilter: Next comes some reordering of the Balkans
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 6:39 PM on April 29, 2010


Bah. Doom will simply rename it all "Greater Latveria", and you will all get along.
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:41 PM on April 29, 2010 [7 favorites]


Needs more arrows.
posted by swift at 6:48 PM on April 29, 2010


This political silliness still doesn't beat the time the Financial Times included a picture of Snidely Whiplash next to an op-ed about hedge fund regulation.
posted by greekphilosophy at 6:53 PM on April 29, 2010 [1 favorite]


GenjiandProust: "2. I think that it is cruel that they have crushed Iceland under an enormous legend."

It's volcanic sky writing.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 6:53 PM on April 29, 2010 [1 favorite]


Belarus, currently landlocked and trying to wriggle out from under Russia’s thumb, would benefit greatly from exposure to the Nordic region, whose influence played a big role in helping the Baltics shed their Soviet legacy. So it should move northwards to the Baltic, taking the place of Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania. These three countries should move to a new location somewhere near Ireland. Like the Emerald Isle, they have bitten the bullet of “internal devaluation”, regaining competitiveness by cutting wages and prices, rather than taking the easy option of depreciating the currency, or borrowing recklessly as Greece has.

I hate when people rip off Tracy Morgan.
posted by hiteleven at 6:59 PM on April 29, 2010 [4 favorites]


Finally Syldavia and Borduria get the credit they deserve! Yes, this is what happens when the Economist writers try to be funny... I thought it was pretty funny. And nicely within their oeuvre.

A nice side-effect of reading this was finding the sidebar story "A ghastly day on Capitol Hill for Goldman Sachs’s top brass", which is the first useful analysis of those Goldman hearings that I've yet read. Man, I hope the Economist guys are right about that one.
posted by dammitjim at 7:01 PM on April 29, 2010 [1 favorite]


Well...it's nice to know they're not funny when they're drunk, either.
posted by greenland at 7:46 PM on April 29, 2010 [3 favorites]


When Borduria no longer shares a border with Syldavia, then we will eventually miss those frontier conflict narratives.
posted by ovvl at 7:52 PM on April 29, 2010


what
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 7:53 PM on April 29, 2010 [2 favorites]


This map does not include Leutonia. I am offended!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:59 PM on April 29, 2010


Is this something I'd have to have an in-depth understanding of European politics and economics to find funny? Because I don't on both accounts.
posted by Caduceus at 8:04 PM on April 29, 2010


Wait... What does Europe look like currently?
posted by Hicksu at 8:04 PM on April 29, 2010 [1 favorite]


Man, when Kenya pisses all over Norway, Switzerland will totally get hosed in its new position.
posted by Joey Michaels at 8:06 PM on April 29, 2010 [1 favorite]


The Economist ..... ah, the dry wit simply sears! This particular effort slips on the banana peel more thoroughly than most of their too-clever-by-half tries. If there were any valid map of Europe it would probably be a giant superimposition of China over the entire continent.
posted by blucevalo at 8:10 PM on April 29, 2010 [1 favorite]


The Economist is completely devoid of credibility when it offers up this moralizing nonsense under the guise of "humor."

I was a subscriber for several years and had to endure dozens of articles about how robust the economies of Ireland, Greece and Portugal were and how the rest of Europe, especially Germany and France, should cut wages and make their labor markets "flexible" (a poor euphemism for easily exploited and easily fired workers). These economies, said the Economist, were just so...dynamic! More recently, they were droning on about "Club Med" and why those countries should form a separate union distinct from the rest of the EU.

Now that it's 2010 and not 2005, guess which European economies have exited the recession first? Why, it was those despicable, welfare-loving French and thrifty Germans. Those dynamic economies are now at the mercy of the latter, who probably has to bail them out to the dismay of Merkel and the CDU.

As usual, the Economist is wrong about everything. It's like the Telegraph supporting the Conservatives and the Guardian printing typographical errors - a self-evident description.

I canceled my subscription years ago and I haven't looked back.
posted by Despondent_Monkey at 8:18 PM on April 29, 2010 [18 favorites]


Ah, the ribald zing of A. E. Housman and the pure craft of Dane Cook.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 8:27 PM on April 29, 2010 [3 favorites]


What Despondent_Monkey said. The Economist is only slightly more honest than the GOP -- in that they don't pretend to believe in god. Otherwise? They believe that whomever is making the most "money" at a given time is the right answer and always has been.

Witness, for example, the hated France and Germany, who were obviously doing it wrong. Funny, who's supposed to bail out the PIIGS now?
posted by eriko at 8:29 PM on April 29, 2010


You know who else wanted to redraw the map of Europe?
posted by pompomtom at 8:30 PM on April 29, 2010


Nice, but the camels were funnier.
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 8:33 PM on April 29, 2010


As usual, the Economist is wrong about everything.

Seriously, who wasn't wrong about those economies? Was there a mainstream media outlet 5 years ago that wasn't falling all over itself praising the dynamism and strength and flexibility of Ireland and Iceland and the like?

The point being that maybe the Economist was smugly wrong, but who wasn't?
posted by blucevalo at 8:33 PM on April 29, 2010


Witness, for example, the hated France and Germany, who were obviously doing it wrong.

In my experience, the Economist is usually pretty easy on Germany. They despise France, but what British publication doesn't?
posted by blucevalo at 8:35 PM on April 29, 2010


pompomtom: "You know who else wanted to redraw the map of Europe?"

Mercator?
posted by khaibit at 8:36 PM on April 29, 2010 [5 favorites]


Switzerland and Sweden are often confused. So it would make sense to move Switzerland north, where it would fit neatly into the Nordic countries.

Oh, sod off, Economist. It's annoying enough when people go on and on about watches and cheese and chocolate when I say I'm Swedish. You have to encourage them?

And come on! Wasn't there a less condescending reason to move Switzerland there? Neutrality, say? grrr
posted by gemmy at 9:15 PM on April 29, 2010


Nice to see Bohemia finally getting some coastline.
posted by ~ at 9:19 PM on April 29, 2010


The Economist called the housing bubble pretty correctly, at least.

I disagree with most of of their politics, and their humor is usually pretty unfunny, but they get a lot of the actual facts right.
posted by jiawen at 9:20 PM on April 29, 2010


Plucky Little $EUROPEAN_COUNTRY
posted by Guy Smiley at 10:17 PM on April 29, 2010 [2 favorites]


The UK is shifted down to the sunny Algarve. It happens every summer. This isn't a politico-financial map, it's Economist mapmakers fantasizing about their "hols."
posted by chavenet at 11:01 PM on April 29, 2010


Little known fact.
Russia; also has an arctic.
an interesting mix of photo ops, candid shots, and snow, and Mr Putin kicking one of the barrels in the arctic.oh, and a PolarBear!

Lets just stop dancing around the real issue, and get it over with and just go with the upside down one already.

PHLOX
posted by infinite intimation at 11:26 PM on April 29, 2010


That was pretty spot on in a reductive, glib way and the funny was in how not all that funny it was.

Soundbite from the editors drunk at the bar:
"Oh, my, and then Chatsworth stirred his drink with his left hand! The left! As you can imagine, it required quite an effort to bring the meeting back to order after such like!"

I mean, as humor it's not quite German but it's not that far off.
posted by From Bklyn at 12:52 AM on April 30, 2010


Was there a mainstream media outlet 5 years ago that wasn't falling all over itself praising the dynamism and strength and flexibility of Ireland and Iceland and the like?

February 2008: Scotland makes a bid to team up with the likes of Ireland and Iceland in a "Celtic Arc of Prosperity". That would have been pretty.
posted by rongorongo at 2:04 AM on April 30, 2010


WTF 'Bordello'? Am I missing something here that makes it not witlessly offensive?
posted by Phanx at 2:27 AM on April 30, 2010


Funny, I thought at first it was based on population migrations. Brits always purchasing property in Spain, so why not move the whole country? Polish and Baltic peoples flooding mysteriously into Britain for work, so why not move them all over physically?

As for the Swiss/Swedish thing, gemmy, it annoys the Swiss just as much.

Yes, Economist politics are bad, monotonous, irritating and smug. But I always found it to be a great magazine for getting a quick overview of *everything* that's happening in the world.
posted by molecicco at 3:33 AM on April 30, 2010


The Economist publishes stuff like this because they try to be full service. The United States' equivalent is Time magazine.The Economist commits a bundle of blunders filling up sixty pages of copy every week (like this inept joke) but it is so superior to Time magazine it's not even funny.

It would be great to have a compilation of their equivalents from France, Germany, China, Japan, et al presented in English. Kind of like a google news World section but with the chaff sorted off.
posted by bukvich at 5:03 AM on April 30, 2010


When the Economist tries to be funny in the actual article itself it often misfires, or is at best slightly lame (as here).

On the other hand, the picture captions are often sharply amusing.
posted by lapsangsouchong at 5:56 AM on April 30, 2010


When I opened it up the first thing I noticed was the fact that Poland was apparently gone. "Uh oh," I thought, "here we go again."

And then I saw that instead they just 'relocated' it to the North Sea. I'm sure the Poles will find that a much better alternative than being divided between Germany and the Ukraine.
posted by norm at 7:14 AM on April 30, 2010


GenjiandProust 2. I think that it is cruel that they have crushed Iceland under an enormous legend.

That's no legend…it's a saga.
posted by adamrice at 7:15 AM on April 30, 2010 [4 favorites]


But where are Narnia and the Sea of Borat?
posted by freecellwizard at 8:25 AM on April 30, 2010


The Economist is still worth subscribing to, for me, for the news they give. Their analysis is ideologically driven, for sure, but it's at least relatively obviously so, not least because they don't pretend not to be opinionated.
posted by Fraxas at 11:26 AM on April 30, 2010


I honestly had to look up Ruritania, as I had definitely heard of that country before.

Reason being, for my International and Conflict of Laws exams, they use fictional countries. Ruritania has been in some tricky disputes, I can tell you.
posted by djgh at 12:34 PM on April 30, 2010


WTF 'Bordello'? Am I missing something here that makes it not witlessly offensive?

The writer's oozing sense of superiority?
posted by ersatz at 1:46 PM on April 30, 2010


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