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"I'm huntin' now trying to find...a belt in the Jovian morn..."
May 13, 2010 10:28 PM   Subscribe

Something is missing on Jupiter.
posted by Burhanistan (56 comments total) 8 users marked this as a favorite

 
Well, I'm not driving back there, young man! You'll just have to do without it somehow.
posted by Crabby Appleton at 10:32 PM on May 13, 2010 [7 favorites]


Oh fuck, why does this worry me? but seriously...
posted by infini at 10:34 PM on May 13, 2010 [1 favorite]


This is upsetting. I'm going down to my local bar for a stiff belt.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 10:34 PM on May 13, 2010 [2 favorites]


Where In The Solar System Is Carmen Sandiego?
posted by Sticherbeast at 10:36 PM on May 13, 2010 [10 favorites]


From the first link: "Later this season, when the planet grows a new face, you'll be able to appreciate how quickly a celestial object like a planet can change. It's part of the reason amateur astronomers observe them as often as they can much to their wives' amusement."

That reporter is going to have to grow a new dick after a close encounter with a female astronomer.
posted by quadog at 10:37 PM on May 13, 2010 [28 favorites]


I wish the spot had vanished overnight. That would be... dramatic, and probably be like living in the prologue to a science fiction novel of some sort.
posted by flaterik at 10:38 PM on May 13, 2010 [5 favorites]


why does this worry me?

Well, it has been tracked before so it might be a normal part of Jupiter's weather pattern. But, we probably won't learn much more about Jupiter than we can detect with remote sensors until at least 2026 when the next generation of probes are tentatively slated to reach there.

But, Jupiter is pretty far off and we don't really know what, if any, influence it has on Earth so it probably doesn't matter much for earthlings.
posted by Burhanistan at 10:41 PM on May 13, 2010


Oops, meant to include a link in "tracked before".
posted by Burhanistan at 10:42 PM on May 13, 2010


Flaterik knows too much. De-replicate him/her.
posted by joe lisboa at 10:42 PM on May 13, 2010


I'm trying to imagine what it must be like to be in a helium rainstorm, sitting on a rock of metallic hydrogen. Such a weird, extreme planet.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:43 PM on May 13, 2010


I'm trying to imagine what it must be like to be in a helium rainstorm, sitting on a rock of metallic hydrogen. Such a weird, extreme planet.

Weirder than that, I'm sure the transitions between gases, liquids and solids aren't as well-defined as they are here.

Heavy Planet by Lee Gregor fictionally deals with it a bit, a story that has always stuck with me.
posted by codswallop at 10:50 PM on May 13, 2010 [3 favorites]


I got a ton of slood arriving next week and....
posted by edgeways at 10:58 PM on May 13, 2010 [1 favorite]


Female astronomers can have wives, too, quadog.
posted by nat at 11:06 PM on May 13, 2010 [2 favorites]


If this isn't conclusive proof of [insert whackaloonery here], I don't know what is!
posted by Pope Guilty at 11:06 PM on May 13, 2010


"Such a nice belt you've got there. Be a shame if something happened to it."
posted by daniel_charms at 11:24 PM on May 13, 2010 [2 favorites]


Oh great, now Jupiter's pants are going to fall down.
posted by bwg at 11:24 PM on May 13, 2010 [12 favorites]


The important thing was that I had a Great Red Spot tied to my giant cloud belt, which was the style at the time.
posted by Ratio at 11:54 PM on May 13, 2010 [18 favorites]


HAL 9000: Dr. Floyd?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: What is it HAL?
HAL 9000: There is a message for you.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Who's calling?
HAL 9000: There is no identification.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: What's the message?
HAL 9000: Message as follows: "It is dangerous to remain here. You must leave within two days."
Dr. Heywood Floyd: What?

posted by killdevil at 12:00 AM on May 14, 2010 [9 favorites]


"ALL THESE WORLDS ARE YOURS EXCEPT EUROPA. ATTEMPT NO LANDINGS THERE."
posted by sourwookie at 12:37 AM on May 14, 2010 [8 favorites]


Can't I just enter the Jovian body and escape into the murk?
posted by infini at 1:05 AM on May 14, 2010


"ALL THESE FORUMS ARE YOURS EXCEPT /b/. ATTEMPT NO POSTINGS THERE."
posted by codswallop at 1:43 AM on May 14, 2010 [9 favorites]


"Honey, I can't find my belt! I'm going to be late!"
"Did you look under the bed?"
"Of course I looked under..."
"Was it there?"
"Yes."
posted by Brodiggitty at 2:01 AM on May 14, 2010


Bloody dweller wars ...
posted by sebastienbailard at 2:07 AM on May 14, 2010 [6 favorites]


No big deal - - the Jovians just finally got that oil spill capped.
posted by fairmettle at 2:56 AM on May 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


Seems like The Onion is on top of it.
posted by DreamerFi at 3:07 AM on May 14, 2010


See? This is why we can't have nice things.
posted by ZenMasterThis at 3:28 AM on May 14, 2010


I'd like to see conservatives deny climate change now!
posted by Potomac Avenue at 4:11 AM on May 14, 2010


I wish I could copyright and sell the rights to the phrase "scientists are baffled" for the next couple of days.
posted by digsrus at 4:42 AM on May 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


Heavy Planet dates back to the 50s IIRC.

Hal Clement's Mission of Gravity may be the classic treatment of the concept... It is set on Mesklin, a huge, rapidly spinning world with polar gravity of 400Gs and equatorial gravity of about 3 Gs. Clement's aliens aren't very alien in psychology, but the landscape sure is exotic.

A sequel, Star Light, takes place on an even larger world, Dhrawn.
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 5:01 AM on May 14, 2010


I got to meet Hal Clement at the Mars PA sci fi convention (buccaneers?) in 98 or 99 - that's the book we all discussed with him.. seems its the defining classic on framing the challenges of an entirely different ecosystem
posted by infini at 5:04 AM on May 14, 2010


codswallop: Weirder than that, I'm sure the transitions between gases, liquids and solids aren't as well-defined as they are here.

Now that's a critical point.
posted by hangashore at 5:06 AM on May 14, 2010 [20 favorites]


I was actually worried that it was going to be the Red Spot. I mean seriously oh shit worried.

I need a hug.
posted by Splunge at 5:10 AM on May 14, 2010 [2 favorites]


why does this worry me?

Well, it has been tracked before...


And since nothing bad has ever happened in the past, logically we must be OK!
posted by DU at 5:16 AM on May 14, 2010


While scientists were busy focusing on the disappearance of the belt, they failed to notice that the color of Saturn's shirt changed, the backs of the cards had changed...

and they completely missed the cosmic gorilla in the background.
posted by explosion at 5:20 AM on May 14, 2010 [8 favorites]


And since nothing bad has ever happened in the past, logically we must be OK!

Eh. What are you talking about? What danger does this pose Earth?
posted by Burhanistan at 5:38 AM on May 14, 2010


Wrong about Heavy Planet... 1939 for that, and I came across it in the great Healy-McComas anthology, Adventures in Time and Space when i read that around 1970 or so. "Lee Gregor" is a pseudonym for Milton Rothman.
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 5:42 AM on May 14, 2010


Poor Jupiter, the whipping post of the solar system.

You've been a bad, naughty planet, Jupiter. Now, where's that belt?
posted by kinnakeet at 6:01 AM on May 14, 2010


Well, Jupiter has been growing pretty fat. Maybe it just decided to hang its belly loose, Southern sheriff style.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 6:17 AM on May 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


It's like Cindy Crawford without her mole; it was always taken for granted when it was there, but it's absence is disconcerting.
posted by ZeusHumms at 6:44 AM on May 14, 2010


A simple explanation.
posted by zarq at 6:44 AM on May 14, 2010


I like the fact that Jupiter has a feature called The Great Red Spot. It's so... unimaginative. On the other hand, I work near The Great Swamp and The Salt Pond, which sound like a settings in a fantasy novel where the author couldn't be even slightly bothered, so who am I to judge?
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:48 AM on May 14, 2010


First Pluto is demoted, and now this. What is the Solar System coming to!?
posted by syntaxbad at 7:11 AM on May 14, 2010


Not to sound like a stalker, but there's a LOT of unimaginative names near you. "Big River", "Woody Hill", "Gravelly Road".

Welcome to $TOWN
Population: 1 GINORMOUS ROBOT BRAIN THAT HAS ZERO HUMAN EMOTION
posted by DU at 7:18 AM on May 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


via BitterOldPunk: “We’re not looking for monoliths on the Moon,” joked Craig Dobson, manager of the NASA space archaeology program.

Um, you might want to rethink that.
posted by lukemeister at 7:22 AM on May 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


So as I read the words "Something is missing on Jupiter" a black cloud rolled over the sky and plunged my living room into darkness and then this popped up on the radio.

I don't know about you guys but I'm un-mothballing the Bee and lying low on Vega-6 til this blows over.
posted by The Whelk at 7:32 AM on May 14, 2010


I'm trying to imagine what it must be like to be in a heliumhydrogen and oxygen rainstorm, sitting on a rock of metallic hydrogencarbon. Such a weird, extreme planet.
posted by slogger at 7:39 AM on May 14, 2010 [2 favorites]


Last year I built a telescope out of some bits I bought at Science & Surplus, and whatever I had left over from a copyscope I made about 8 years ago. I think my total investment was $25 or so. I didn't have time to build a sophisticated (or even unsophisticated) tripod, so my stand was an upside down shell from an old ATX case and some clever uses of paracord and counterweights to hold it steady. It is one of the ugliest things I have ever built.

But, with it, I was able to see exactly what was described here:

Most years you look at Jupiter and besides the four little moons lined up on one side or another of the planet, you'll see two prominent dark grey bands, the north and south equatorial belts. These and Jupiter's other belts are separated by lighter-colored zones giving it a striped appearance.

I'd never seen another planets moons, let alone planetary features, with something I had built before. It was a really good feeling to call my wife out, have her look and hear her suddenly realize what she was seeing by going "Oooh!"

I'm totally going to check this out this weekend.
posted by quin at 8:02 AM on May 14, 2010 [2 favorites]


Quin, was your wife amused?
posted by staggering termagant at 9:34 AM on May 14, 2010


Yeah, but she's a mermaid, so everything is a novelty to her.
posted by quin at 9:44 AM on May 14, 2010


I really don't think anyone outside the beltway really cares about this.
posted by Kabanos at 10:25 AM on May 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


This fits in nicely with the FPP featuring clips from the film 2010. I can't look at Jupiter without thinking of:

Floyd: What? What's going to happen?
Bowman: Something wonderful.
posted by jardinier at 11:46 AM on May 14, 2010


Oh great, now Jupiter's pants are going to fall down.

Something something something Uranus
posted by bitteroldman at 1:44 PM on May 14, 2010


Something something something Uranus

I typed out several "did you look for it in Uranus?" jokes for the title before I chickened out and riffed on a Fall lyric instead.
posted by Burhanistan at 1:47 PM on May 14, 2010


All these worlds are yours, except Europa. Attempt no landing there. Use them together. Use them in peace.
posted by Ber at 2:35 PM on May 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


HAL 9000: Dr. Floyd?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: What is it HAL?
HAL 9000: There is a message for you.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: What?
HAL 9000: There is no identification.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: What?
HAL 9000: Message as follows: "It is dangerous to remain here. You must leave within two days."
Dr. Heywood Floyd: What?
HAL 9000: Say 'What' again, I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker, say what one more Goddamn time!!!!
posted by panboi at 2:47 PM on May 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


bitteroldman: "Oh great, now Jupiter's pants are going to fall down.

Something something something Uranus
"

Actually I was expecting someone to follow up with a moon joke.
posted by bwg at 6:24 PM on May 14, 2010


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