Get Drunk Not Fat

May 23, 2010 11:15 PM

Get Drunk Not Fat. Get Drunk Not Broke.

Two websites that exist solely to underscore the lowest calorie-wise and cheapest way to get drunk. Many omissions, but useful.

Happy long weekend, Canada!

posted by battlebison (100 comments total)

People who drink O'Doul's (#1 calorie/alcohol) to get drunk would be characterized as "unclear on the concept".
posted by telstar at 11:22 PM on May 23, 2010 [16 favorites]

A good resource to have if you're throwing a party!

Or if, you know, you're fat... and an alcoholic...
posted by a sourceless light at 11:23 PM on May 23, 2010 [1 favorite]

Below is a list showing common drinks sorted by their alcohol to cost ratio

It's a nice website but where I am this is basic mental arithmetic that the high school students teach themselves. And there's also volume and portability to consider; I mean drinking 50+ ounces (what's that, a litre and a half?) to get your 3oz/88 mls of alcohol seems like the hard way to go about it.

Oh, boy. Cheap cask white, you fucked my early adulthood.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 11:25 PM on May 23, 2010

Everclear has never looked better and never tasted worse.
posted by peeedro at 11:30 PM on May 23, 2010 [1 favorite]

Two websites that exist solely to underscore the lowest calorie-wise and cheapest way to get drunk

Being advertising vehicles is just a happy side-effect?
posted by finite at 11:33 PM on May 23, 2010

I see the plan -- the low-cal options are so nasty that, if weight loss is the goal, the best option for getting buzzed is spinning rapidly and smashing your head into a wall. At least the only unpleasant taste in your mouth will be your own blood. And you can't get cheaper than that!
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:40 PM on May 23, 2010 [6 favorites]

No port and sherry on the cheap drinking list?
posted by sien at 11:47 PM on May 23, 2010

Penny wise and pound wise.
posted by twoleftfeet at 11:49 PM on May 23, 2010 [3 favorites]

Hey that site sent me off to some scammy site after I'd spent a small amount of time looking at it. Not cool.
posted by awfurby at 12:00 AM on May 24, 2010 [1 favorite]

Wait... Canadians don't work tomorrow?

How come I don't get to celebrate May Two-Four?
posted by twoleftfeet at 12:09 AM on May 24, 2010

Happy long weekend, Canada!
And yet it's way slanted to shitty American beer.
posted by chococat at 12:13 AM on May 24, 2010

Export Jürgenbrau didn't even make the list?
posted by Crane Shot at 12:14 AM on May 24, 2010

Of course, having lots of calories is not the same thing as fattening. Just because alcohol burns really well, doesn't mean that the body can utilise it efficiently for energy. Wood burns really well, but eating sawdust isn't going to make you fat. Or feel good, but that's another matter. Doesn't necessarily mean that drinking lots isn't going to make you fat, but it's an unresolved issue.
posted by xchmp at 12:14 AM on May 24, 2010 [1 favorite]

sorry... here
posted by Crane Shot at 12:15 AM on May 24, 2010

Tanqueray & tonic, FTW.
posted by Lukenlogs at 12:21 AM on May 24, 2010 [3 favorites]

Everclear has never looked better and never tasted worse.

In my experience Everclear tastes of nothing but burning. Nothing but sweet, dangerous Northern summer night burning.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 12:34 AM on May 24, 2010 [5 favorites]

If drunk is what you want to be, and you want to keep your precious bodily fluids pure, you don't need a spreadsheet to figure it out. Have a drink of pure grain alcohol and rain water.
posted by pracowity at 12:35 AM on May 24, 2010 [3 favorites]

It's funny how similar the two lists are.
posted by kro at 12:51 AM on May 24, 2010

This dude is overpaying for his Keystone Ice (often referred to as The Black Death, due to the classy black can and your likely situation at the end of the night.)

I have a very good friend who loves the stuff. He calls it "the economist's beer," and claims to love the taste of it, although to that point i'm not so sure. That is, consumable, but I wouldn't allow it any other adjectives of quality. When one gets drunk on the Ice, it's called "getting bubonic." On a related note, we call drinking King Cobra "riding the snake," and drinking bud diesel "gettin' NASCAR drunk."

Yes, I am in college. Why do you ask?
posted by The Esteemed Doctor Bunsen Honeydew at 1:00 AM on May 24, 2010 [1 favorite]

Sweet! King Cobra is kicking some ass on both lists.
posted by Jezztek at 1:32 AM on May 24, 2010

Nice to see the bottle a foot to my left is #4.

_{Protip: add .5 OZ of peppercorns and let steep for 1 week.}
posted by clarknova at 2:21 AM on May 24, 2010

"Yes, Hugh, its the most alcohol per milliliter at the lowest cost in this corner shop."
posted by Wolfdog at 2:36 AM on May 24, 2010 [10 favorites]

Life is too short to drink bad alcohol. Similarly, a life prolonged by drinking bad alcohol instead of good is a goddamn shame, a life wasted. Yes, go drink your low calorie swill. For however short my stay is, I'm setting up camp in Flavorland.

(I'd go with Flavor Country, but it's been taken, and I draw some lines at how I'll spend my ridiculously short lifespan).
posted by Ghidorah at 2:42 AM on May 24, 2010 [2 favorites]

Anything I would put in my mouth was way down the list. Good thing I rarely drink more than one beer.
posted by Jimmy Havok at 3:05 AM on May 24, 2010

When it comes to weight and finances, one of the quickest upgrades you can give your life is to quit drinking all together. The weight falls away like a stone. There's an immediate dividend in the form of cash you would have spent on drink and whatever else you spend at places that serve drink. Your health, mood and attitudes toward others even out. A wellspring of inner strength and character opens up. Gradually at first. Then in a great plume. The cliche "even keel" describes the steadiness that replaces the staggering from teetering height to hangover, from grandiosity to degradation. The shallow, barking, grinning conversation of the inebriated is replaced by real cleverness, self-surprising wisdom, or even silence. Reality still sucks. But it's more easily navigable without the waves and troughs of drunkenness. The face loses its greasy sheen of fear, the mouth strengthens, the veil of incomprehension leaves the eyes. The flesh firms. The spirit freshens. (And I'm not talking about problem drinking here at all, but the recreational glass or two of the average person.) The total effect of this upgrade is not happiness, exactly, or even at all; but a more balanced relationship with reality, and a better prospect for the exercise of your free will in the actual world.
posted by Faze at 4:28 AM on May 24, 2010 [40 favorites]

On the other hand, you have to quit drinking.
posted by box at 4:41 AM on May 24, 2010 [81 favorites]

If every time you drink you are staggering from teetering height to hangover, or from grandiosity to degradation then you have a problem.
posted by gallagho at 5:16 AM on May 24, 2010 [5 favorites]

But... But... I'd just feel so naked without my greasy sheen of fear!
posted by Hello, Revelers! I am Captain Lavender! at 5:27 AM on May 24, 2010 [12 favorites]

Reality still sucks, but part of that reality? The idea that, although I happen to enjoy alcohol, and its effects, and am willing to put up with its side-effects, I will have to deal with people who seem to believe that it leaves me with a 'greasy sheen of fear' or that while inebriated, 'real cleverness, self-surprising wisdom, or even silence' are impossible. I'm sorry, Faze, but what you seem to be describing is Leaving Las Vegas levels of drinking. A beer or two a couple times a week, even a good night with friends that leaves you dry-mouthed and headachey the next night? It doesn't prevent me from having a solid relationship with reality.

Or, in other words, I don't drink this shit to avoid reality. I am reality.
posted by Ghidorah at 6:03 AM on May 24, 2010 [11 favorites]

Jeeze, what did you do, copy that from an AA site?

Thanks for the derail.
posted by paisley henosis at 6:45 AM on May 24, 2010 [4 favorites]

When it comes to weight and finances, one of the quickest upgrades you can give your life is to quit drinking all together.

You sure are complain-y! What was everybody talking about again?
posted by tantrumthecat at 7:16 AM on May 24, 2010

I don't see anything I would consider drinking until it gets north of $5.
posted by oddman at 7:20 AM on May 24, 2010

Is there a word for when someone is basically correct, but so dramatically and bombastically overstates their case that you want them to be wrong?

Probably there's a word in German for it. There's a word in German for everything.
posted by ook at 7:21 AM on May 24, 2010 [30 favorites]

There are few times since the introduction of favorites to Metafilter that I have so wanted there to be a corresponding button to register what a great stinking load of greasy old bollocks something is.

May I request it as a feature? The total effect of such an upgrade would not be my happiness, exactly, or even at all; but a more balanced relationship with greasy old bollockiness, and a better prospect for the exercise of my free will in the actual world.

Actually, back in the days long past when I drank with more... determination, during the times I found it necessary to impose periods of teetotalling on myself, I certainly did enjoy the kind of benefits to which Faze raises his voice in praise. I just don't trust preachers.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 7:26 AM on May 24, 2010 [6 favorites]

It always irritates me when people who can't handle their liquor project their problem onto me.
posted by norm at 7:38 AM on May 24, 2010 [7 favorites]

American ice beers are weird. Traditionally, ice beers are regular beers that are partially frozen, and then the ice is removed to concentrate the flavor and alcohol. However, American ice beers are frozen and then melted. The ice isn't removed, pretty much leaving you with the same product as what you started with. Why? Nobody knows!
posted by mccarty.tim at 7:42 AM on May 24, 2010 [1 favorite]

As a homebrewer, I'm afraid to calculate how much my alcohol costs. However, allow me to point out that I can, without buying any new equipment, make two cases of beer for $20-30 if I budget (I'm doing all-grain, 5 gallon batches). That's about 40 cents a beer best case scenario, or $2.40 for a 6-pack. Making apfelwein, I can make a 9% ABV beverage for about $15 for two cases, so it can be even cheaper for alcohol.

Granted, I don't like to get too drunk, and I mainly drink beer for flavor. And I usually end up going for fancier ingredients, more equipment, and pricey strains of liquid yeast to make the best tasting beer possible, so it's not really a hobby where I save too much money.

But I guess what I am saying is that if you want cheap, good beer, if you limit yourself to the $150 for a good set of equipment for brewing you could probably break even if you end up spending a lot on beer. I'll probably break even by 2040 at the rate I drink, though.
posted by mccarty.tim at 7:50 AM on May 24, 2010 [2 favorites]

That said, if you want low calorie light beers, that's probably more something the American macrobreweries should be trusted with.
posted by mccarty.tim at 7:53 AM on May 24, 2010

I don't understand the whole concept of getting drunk. Maybe this is my own personal physiology. I got drunk once in university just to see what it was about. It felt yucky.

So is it just me or does the drunk emperor have no clothes?
posted by storybored at 7:55 AM on May 24, 2010 [1 favorite]

FAXE 10, people. FAXE 10. God bless the Danes.
posted by Sys Rq at 8:00 AM on May 24, 2010

About three decades ago London Wines Sherry was the only alcoholic beverage sold in a plastic bottle by the Liquor Control Board of Ontario.

Teen-age punk-rockers called it "Fightin' Sherry".
posted by ovvl at 8:03 AM on May 24, 2010

So is it just me or does the drunk emperor have no clothes?

Depends what kind of clothes you like: these, or these.

Just kidding folks. It's not that dichotomous. Really.
posted by 7segment at 8:11 AM on May 24, 2010 [2 favorites]

My experiments with the alcohol are going most smoothly
posted by The Esteemed Doctor Bunsen Honeydew at 9:00 AM on May 24

meemer mee mee meemer mee!
posted by litleozy at 8:31 AM on May 24, 2010 [1 favorite]

Fun fact: The hatchet of the temperance movement wasn't just for chopping at saloon doors. It was also for cutting down apple trees, the evil trees that made cheap and readily available hard cider.

History is so fun.
posted by mccarty.tim at 8:33 AM on May 24, 2010

That Carrie Nation is hawt!
posted by storybored at 8:37 AM on May 24, 2010

Get drunk not judged: ABV to class assumption ratios.
posted by klangklangston at 8:38 AM on May 24, 2010 [3 favorites]

I kept looking for grappa on the list. If there's a liquor that discourages overconsumption more naturally than grappa does, I've not met it.

Here's a "ten best" quotes site in favor of imbibing.
posted by beelzbubba at 8:40 AM on May 24, 2010

This dude is overpaying for his Keystone Ice (often referred to as The Black Death, due to the classy black can and your likely situation at the end of the night.)

Despite being 26 years old, I found myself at a party Saturday night that was serving Keystone Ice. Fortunately, I only remember drinking a couple.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 8:57 AM on May 24, 2010

The ice isn't removed, pretty much leaving you with the same product as what you started with. Why? Nobody knows!

Because Americans know that ICE is EXTREME!!!11!!!1
also, Neuromancer reference something something
posted by joe lisboa at 8:58 AM on May 24, 2010

You know what I like? Booze.
posted by craven_morhead at 9:28 AM on May 24, 2010

So where's getdrunknothungover.com?
posted by alex_skazat at 9:59 AM on May 24, 2010

When it comes to weight and finances, one of the quickest upgrades you can give your life is to quit drinking all together. The weight falls away like a stone.
This is spectacularly true.
posted by Wolfdog at 10:11 AM on May 24, 2010

This is spectacularly true.

Nope.

The risk of becoming overweight was almost 30 percent lower for women who consumed one or two alcohol beverages a day, compared with nondrinkers.

"The trend toward less weight gain among drinkers doesn’t appear to hold true for men."

So, to be fair, you two are correct if you pretend everyone is a man.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 10:46 AM on May 24, 2010 [1 favorite]

This is spectacularly true.

The weight that drops away is the weight on your soul, as your metabolism burns off the last of the booze, and what remains of your brain registers that you have, indeed, stopped, if only momentarily, poisoning yourself with a corrosive chemical, and ceased dissolving your precious neurons in a toxic bath of alcohol, guilt, cowardice, moral horror, and self-loathing. The vomitus retreats from your tongue, your complexion regains its even color, your speech loses its slack, quivering vibrato, and the colossal stink that has followed you everywhere, but which no one has mentioned, lifts, and whatever friends and pets you have left subconsciously register and rejoice at the return of your own proprietary odor. You look at others who are still under the influence of drink, and their faces strike you as the ghastly masks from a James Ensor painting, floating in a chemical sea, babbling, deluded, spewing the liquified remains of their frontal cortex and staring out at you from a black vortex of hopelessness. Your abdomen, no longer compelled to be a vat for a laboratory poison, stops piling protective fat on itself, and the huge disgusting belly that has lost you the respect of your spouse and workmates, begins to shrink, and a new lightness suffuses your being -- not to be confused with happiness, but creating the conditions for happiness, if you choose to have it.
posted by Faze at 11:35 AM on May 24, 2010 [1 favorite]

The weight that drops away is the weight on your soul, as your metabolism burns off the last of the booze, and what remains of your brain registers that you have, indeed, stopped, if only momentarily, poisoning yourself with a corrosive chemical, and ceased dissolving your precious neurons in a toxic bath of alcohol, guilt, cowardice, moral horror, and self-loathing.

You say that like it were a bad thing.
posted by beelzbubba at 11:39 AM on May 24, 2010 [1 favorite]

bombastischesequacksalberproduktverkaufsargumenten
posted by ook at 11:42 AM on May 24, 2010 [3 favorites]

Every time I see a commercial for low-calorie alcohol (like MGD 64), I can't help but think: If you're making decisions on what alcohol you drink based solely on how many calories are in it, perhaps you shouldn't be drinking in the first place.

Beer ads in general, really. Ads for Lite or Bud Light or whatever. They never say anything about whether it's worth drinking. "Our beer has MORE TASTE!" Well, that's great unless the taste in question is "boiled skunk ass" in which case I'd opt for less taste. "Our beer has DRINKABILITY!" Wow, congratulations, you managed to make a beer in liquid form. Go you. Your momma would be so proud.

There's just something seriously wrong about that, isn't there? Would you buy food that was advertised solely by stating "Hey, it's EDIBLE! and NON-TOXIC!"? I sure as hell wouldn't.
posted by caution live frogs at 11:43 AM on May 24, 2010

Faze, I can only assume you're taking the piss here. Otherwise, I'd bet you're just really fun to hang around with at parties.
posted by caution live frogs at 11:52 AM on May 24, 2010 [2 favorites]

what alcohol you drink based solely on how many calories are in it

How about ads that extol the packaging over the beer itself?
"Our labels turn blue when the beer is cold!"
"We twisted our bottlenecks like a duck's penis so that the beer rotates as it comes out!"
"Now with extra material removed from the can lid to let air in!"
"Easily breaks in half for those impromptu bar fights!"
posted by backseatpilot at 11:55 AM on May 24, 2010 [2 favorites]

"Easily breaks in half for those impromptu bar fights!"

I would buy that beer.
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:24 PM on May 24, 2010 [2 favorites]

Can't believe Sierra Nevada's Big Foot Ale isn't on the list. With some batches going as high as 330 calories a bottle and an alcohol level at 9.6, it's ratio is 34.38. It's also a much more delicious way to get fat than that Sam Adams crap at the bottom of the NotFat list. But at 9.6% ABV use with extreme caution.
posted by Toekneesan at 12:39 PM on May 24, 2010 [1 favorite]

The cliche "even keel" describes the steadiness that replaces the staggering from teetering height to hangover, from grandiosity to degradation.

Do tell.
posted by Halloween Jack at 12:54 PM on May 24, 2010 [4 favorites]

Reading these sites makes me realize...am I not basically a chump for using anything but Everclear (which I've never bought) in any kind of mixed drinks involving strongly-flavored ingredients like cranberry juice, etc.? Is there a reason to use vodka instead of Everclear for these purposes? I mean, if the purpose is merely to add alcohol to some other thing, why not just use straight alcohol instead of diluted alcohol?

In fact, why ever use vodka for any drink that isn't either straight vodka, or a vodka-centric drink?
posted by Pants McCracky at 1:25 PM on May 24, 2010

Interesting!
posted by SMITHMag at 1:41 PM on May 24, 2010

Wow. Either Faze is pulling our legs, and is just posting to try to get people riled up (see also, trolling), or jumping into a thread in which people are commenting on something they enjoy to tell them that what they enjoy is horrible and bad (see also, trolling). The excessively floral language (speaking of vomitus) makes me think it's the first, which is just annoying, but the earnestness makes me suspect the latter, in which case, yeah, lots of fun at parties. That is, if parties are allowed. What's next, screeds against dancing in a post about Flashdance?
posted by Ghidorah at 2:14 PM on May 24, 2010

Where's the Svedka??? (I get a 2 liter bottle for like 22 bucks, not too shabby methinks).

Only liquors I've tried are Vodka (my default), Rumpleminze (another old default, but I've grown up) and Tequila (blech)

While I appreciate the concern Faze has for alcoholism, I'm a bajillionthing the rest of the crowd when I say STFU.

I've been thinking of trying a Jack and Coke or something different from the ol' Vodka/Screwdrivers.

Also, I sadly learned NEVER to mix Pepsi w/Vodka (or probably any other alcohol. Gotta be Coke).
posted by symbioid at 2:30 PM on May 24, 2010

Oh oh! My dad used to have an awesome Brandy Snifter, and I thought it was so cool, so I've wanted to try that someday, too. Thoughts???
posted by symbioid at 2:30 PM on May 24, 2010

Is getdrunknotcare.com registered?
posted by jonmc at 2:38 PM on May 24, 2010

Don't harsh on Faze. Faze is fucking hilarious, and it takes a lot of work to compose such a tight block of hyperbole. Also, I bet he's drunk right now.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 3:10 PM on May 24, 2010 [1 favorite]

Aldi Sherry It always came with a pop-top when other bottles had corks. And 15%! All good.
posted by alasdair at 3:35 PM on May 24, 2010

The weight that drops away is the weight on your soul, as your metabolism burns off the last of the booze, and what remains of your brain registers that you have, indeed, stopped, if only momentarily, poisoning yourself with a corrosive chemical, and ceased dissolving your precious neurons in a toxic bath of alcohol, guilt, cowardice, moral horror, and self-loathing.

I don't drink anymore and almost ruined my life with it, but sounds like you have a personal problem there. It's really not productive to spend your energy imagining stuff like that all the time, and eventually you start to make assumptions that everyone who drinks is morally decrepit or has a problem. They don't - most of them anyway. But I think you do.

OTOH, if this is supposed to be a joke ... well, flew right over my head.
posted by krinklyfig at 3:38 PM on May 24, 2010

It's just a faze he's going through.
posted by HP LaserJet P10006 at 3:41 PM on May 24, 2010 [2 favorites]

Also, I bet he's drunk right now

Yeah they read like the worst bits of my first year essays at uni. And in conclusion the effects of alcohol manifest themselves at the social, political and economic levels, exhibiting a wide-ranging discourse in the public sphere. Temperance remains a significant political debate.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 4:11 PM on May 24, 2010

The other day at the liquor store, I saw that they had (no joke) 'whipped cream-flavored' vodka. . In researching this comment, I learned that there is alcohol infused whipped cream. If you topped one with the other I believe it would create a synergy that would render any debate about alcohol moot. or something.
posted by jonmc at 4:26 PM on May 24, 2010

Clearly the only proper way to consume such a beverage would be after a good whippet hit.

As a bonus: nitrous oxide is zero calories. WIN!
posted by ook at 4:37 PM on May 24, 2010 [2 favorites]

WHIP IT, GOOD!
posted by jonmc at 4:39 PM on May 24, 2010

Also, pace Hunter Thompson, a greasy sheen of fear is why God made fast motorcycles, bubba
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 4:40 PM on May 24, 2010

I just want to chime in with the saga -- nay, cautionary tale -- of poor Buffy Struggles.

Old Buffy came to me one day and asked where he could buy tea. "What d'you want tea for?" I asked. "To drink" he said. "You don't drink tea" I reminded him, "you drink whiskey-and-soda." "No more alcohol for me," said Buffy. "Look what it does to the common earthworm." "But you're not a common earthworm" I said, putting my finger on the flaw in his argument. "I will be if I go on drinking whiskey-and-soda," he said. I begged him not to do anything rash, but he would insist. He ordered in ten pounds of the muck and was dead within the year. Dead as a doornail. Drinking tea had dulled his reactions and he was run over by a hansom cab while crossing Piccadilly.

Beware.
posted by phliar at 4:45 PM on May 24, 2010 [1 favorite]

Then again, there's the wisdom of WC Fields. When asked why he wouldn't drink water (instead of gin) he answered "Fish fuck in it."
posted by jonmc at 4:49 PM on May 24, 2010 [2 favorites]

I used to live in a falling-down, ramshackle house with four other college kids. We called Carlo Rossi the "sixth roommate." We were experts at get drunk not broke. I miss those days, and I don't miss those days.
posted by missmary6 at 4:56 PM on May 24, 2010

"The weight that drops away is the weight on your soul, as your metabolism burns off the last of the booze, and what remains of your brain registers that you have, indeed, stopped, if only momentarily, poisoning yourself with a corrosive chemical, and ceased dissolving your precious neurons in a toxic bath of alcohol, guilt, cowardice, moral horror, and self-loathing. The vomitus retreats from your tongue, your complexion regains its even color, your speech loses its slack, quivering vibrato, and the colossal stink that has followed you everywhere, but which no one has mentioned, lifts, and whatever friends and pets you have left subconsciously register and rejoice at the return of your own proprietary odor."

UR DOON IT RONG
posted by klangklangston at 6:41 PM on May 24, 2010 [1 favorite]

There's a word in German for everything.

What's the German word for that?
posted by Evilspork at 7:04 PM on May 24, 2010

To chime in on the homebrew front, since I keep a detailed spreadsheet of my expenses:

Per-batch, not counting gear: $.50/12 oz bottle.
Per-batch, gear included: $2.29/12 oz bottle.

Calories average 110-200 for an average bottle. I hit 276 on a batch of Russian Imperial Stout which is the biggest beer I've made.

That said, I know I'm not saving money. I started brewing because I was bored and wanted a new hobby. I didn't like beer, but I have friends who like good beer, so I figured I'd learn to make it. Now I do like the occasional glass, built my own kegarator, and am planning to upgrade my brewing hardware...
posted by caphector at 7:18 PM on May 24, 2010 [1 favorite]

>There's a word in German for everything.

>>What's the German word for that?

I believe, in English, that word is 'German'.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 7:25 PM on May 24, 2010 [3 favorites]

BTW, did I mention that I made a Lady Gaga beer? And that it was a hefeweizen, and thus relatively light in calories? Yes, I know I misspelled bratwurst, but it was a bargain! I pissed off the Germans and joemc with every bottle!
posted by mccarty.tim at 8:17 PM on May 24, 2010 [1 favorite]

"Maybe this is my own personal physiology. I got drunk once in university just to see what it was about. It felt yucky. "

No, it's not you, most everyone feels that way the first time they get drunk. However, like anything worth doing, you just have to keep practicing until you get it right.


Getting drunk is definitely one of those things that are worth doing right.
posted by oddman at 8:38 PM on May 24, 2010

Reading these sites makes me realize...am I not basically a chump for using anything but Everclear

Yes, yes you are. PGA is probably the most versatile beverage ever created by the hand of man (and pretty damn cheap as well). From the Wikipedia entry on Everclear:

Everclear is also used in cooking because its high concentration of alcohol causes it to extract flavors well.

Everclear can be used to prepare medicinal tinctures and spice extracts. This is done by soaking herbs in it for several days and then straining out the solid material.

The 190-proof variety of Everclear is sometimes used by backpackers as fuel in alcohol stoves (often a homemade beverage-can stove). It burns cleanly, and since it is not as toxic as methanol and isopropanol, it can be stored inside cookware without contamination.

Everclear can be used as an antiseptic.

It is used by home perfumers to make perfumes.

Everclear can also be used to clean electronic parts, such as circuit boards and heatsinks. It evaporates quickly and leaves little or no residue.

Woodworkers and luthiers favor it for use with shellac, because it evaporates more slowly than denatured alcohol, which may cause minute surface cracks (called "crazing" or "crackle") because it evaporates too quickly.

The one thing it doesn't do is mix well with Mountain Dew (trust me on this).
posted by MikeMc at 8:54 PM on May 24, 2010 [2 favorites]

They blew my mind by having Zima on the list.

Kind of a cross between beer and Seven-Up. That's exactly what it tastes like and sorry for ruining your evening.

Apparently it has migrated to Japan where they actually drink it.
posted by eye of newt at 9:41 PM on May 24, 2010

Sadly, Zima is most definitely alive here. Japan is a country awash in fruit-flavored shochu drinks (Chu-hai, if you will), most of which are disturbingly sweet, yet with that oh, so pleasant battery acid aftertaste of crappy shochu. I've heard that shochu was used as a floor-cleaner/disinfectant in the Edo period, and I'd gladly believe it. Still, it's gotta be up there for cheapest booze to dollar ratio.

(On the other hand, I had a taste of my wife's lime sour the other day, and it was pretty tasty)
posted by Ghidorah at 9:45 PM on May 24, 2010

Let me get it straight on why vodka is a good beverage for mixing into things, but Everclear is nasty: Is it because vodka is meant to be a pure and clean tasting mixture of alcohol and water, while Everclear is just meant to be a high concentration of alcohol (nevermind what other flavors come along)?

I know that you can't take shots of Everclear because it'll eat at your stomach lining and you won't absorb very much of it, unlike shots of most other hard liquors. And I know you can effectively cook an egg by cracking it into a glass of Everclear. And I've heard if you make your own absinthe, you want to use Everclear because vodka isn't strong enough to extract the flavors (and other chemicals) from the wormwood and herbs.
posted by mccarty.tim at 4:59 AM on May 25, 2010

while Everclear is just meant to be a high concentration of alcohol (nevermind what other flavors come along)?

Everclear is a better mixer because no flavors come along, it's a neutral spirit.
posted by MikeMc at 5:57 AM on May 25, 2010 [1 favorite]

I know that you can't take shots of Everclear because it'll eat at your stomach lining and you won't absorb very much of it, unlike shots of most other hard liquors.

Sure you can. Did it many many times in my much younger days. You just have to chase it with water. Quickly.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:15 AM on May 25, 2010

jonmc: alcohol infused whipped cream."

Why is the website called Whipped Lightning, but the product called Whipahol? Whipahol sounds ridiculous. Like a household cleaner or something.
posted by Gordafarin at 6:49 AM on May 25, 2010

I honestly think that a lot of people mix with vodka rather than Everclear for two reasons:

1. They occasionally like to drink, or want the ability to make, actual vodka-flavored drinks (vodka martinis, V&Ts, etc.), and only want to have one bottle around.

2. They're intimidated by Everclear. I think a lot of bars and restaurants use vodka rather than Everclear (even though the latter would be cheaper, hence more profitable) because they're worried about staff accidentally overpouring. If you pour 190 proof the same way you pour 80, you're going to have a lot of shitfaced customers. Easier just to standardize on 80 proof liquor across the board.

But reason 1 only holds if you're making mixed drinks only occasionally, so that your one bottle of vodka is a reasonable mid-grade brand. If you have a separate bottle of "mixing vodka" (anything in plastic), then you might as well just save money and buy Everclear. If the drinks end up too sweet, just toss in half an ounce of water to bring it back to vodka proportions.

Unfortunately it's not universally available -- here in Virginia you can't buy the 190-proof version, only the 100 (which isn't that good a deal). Technically I think it may not even be legal to possess.
posted by Kadin2048 at 8:18 AM on May 25, 2010

American ice beers are weird.

I know, right? And American steam beer doesn't even have any steam in it!
posted by chemoboy at 1:56 PM on May 25, 2010

The biggest problem I've run into with having Everclear around is dealing with people who will either drink it irresponsibly (i.e. too much) due to either ignorance or to be a badass, and people who will serve it irresponsibly (like adding Everclear to someone's glass of wine without informing them.) Granted, I was younger when those things happened, but I still consider it sort of a point of safety not to have it around.
posted by threeturtles at 2:17 PM on May 25, 2010

The 190-proof variety of Everclear is sometimes used by backpackers as fuel in alcohol stoves (often a homemade beverage-can stove). It burns cleanly, and since it is not as toxic as methanol and isopropanol, it can be stored inside cookware without contamination.

I frankly can't believe I never thought of this.
posted by norm at 2:41 PM on May 25, 2010 [1 favorite]

You guys are still entertaining the thought that Faze is anything other than some bored AI's conception of a human internet troll? Pshaw. The dude is so 2003 it sickens me as much as reading his attempts at prose. Have a beer and forgot about that loser.
posted by joe lisboa at 11:27 AM on May 26, 2010

Forget, even. See, the beer works.
posted by joe lisboa at 11:28 AM on May 26, 2010

Ah Faze, I love you. Such an elegant troll! At first I thought you were serious and then realized that you couldn't possibly be, not in context.

Well played, sir *{Doffs bonnet, sips port}*
posted by Quadlex at 6:05 PM on June 3, 2010