Saving a life can be totally hot!

July 5, 2010 6:37 AM

Should you ever find yourself and the victim in your underwear when tragedy strikes—Super Sexy CPR & Super Sexy Abdominal Thrusts.
posted by Toekneesan (34 comments total)

You know this is an ad for Fortnight Lingerie, right? Just checking.
posted by dabitch at 6:45 AM on July 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

There's a bit about 57 seconds in when the model doing the CPR looks at the camera and gives a shrug and it cracks me up. She's like "Yeah, I don't know about this either, but at I'm getting paid, so, eh."
posted by fuq at 6:52 AM on July 5, 2010 [9 favorites]

Do these techniques work when people are not wearing the requisite lingerie? If not, it would put a whole new complexion on the advice "wear nice underwear when you go out."
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:52 AM on July 5, 2010

Thanks! I now know how to recognize a stroke.
posted by hal9k at 7:01 AM on July 5, 2010 [3 favorites]

You know this is an ad for Fortnight Lingerie, right? Just checking.

I wish more advertising could be this, er, informative.

Here's an interesting article analysing this video's effectiveness as an advertisement (and even it's medical accuracy).
posted by fairmettle at 7:02 AM on July 5, 2010

"Hey, girl...you choking?"
posted by kittens for breakfast at 7:05 AM on July 5, 2010 [4 favorites]

fuq, they both have a moment like that. In the second one at about 23 seconds in, when the woman turns and looks at him, it's not a "this is totally hot" look, it's more of a "Really, dude? You think now is an appropriate time for a little frottage?" look.
posted by Toekneesan at 7:07 AM on July 5, 2010

This is a fetish thing, right? It feels like a fetish thing.
posted by The Whelk at 7:16 AM on July 5, 2010

This is a fetish thing, right? It feels like a fetish thing.

This is several fetishes rolled up into one, I think.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 7:21 AM on July 5, 2010

Tom Tykwer did it first, and he used an emergency tracheotomy.
posted by haltingproblemsolved at 7:21 AM on July 5, 2010

She arched her back and gasped. "I've never felt so... so alive!", she moaned.

Her savior gathered her close. "I've got to keep you warm and still while help is arriving," she murmured.
posted by Halloween Jack at 7:58 AM on July 5, 2010 [2 favorites]

I heard they ordered a second round of the ads given the enormous positive reaction to these. Keep an eye out for Super Sexy Wart Removal and Super Sexy Root Canal, coming soon!
posted by carsonb at 8:14 AM on July 5, 2010

For a mandatory training at work, I recently had to sit through a series of very generic training videos, narrated by very unexcited actors. All of them would have been improved by adding in lingerie, pirate costumes, or anything else that might have allowed the actors to show a spark of interest.
posted by Forktine at 8:14 AM on July 5, 2010 [2 favorites]

Honestly my main problem with this is that the CPR one is outdated.
posted by bettafish at 8:18 AM on July 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

My main problem is the lack of hosiery. As Top Gear's Jeremy Clarkson said, "Get back in your stockings, girls," (please!)
posted by surewouldoutlaw at 8:33 AM on July 5, 2010

Get back in your stockings, girls

No thank you. I prefer not feeling like a sweaty kielbasa in the height of summer.
posted by elizardbits at 8:38 AM on July 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

It's all sexy fun until somebody breaks a rib.
posted by rongorongo at 8:39 AM on July 5, 2010 [2 favorites]

Keep an eye out for Super Sexy Wart Removal and Super Sexy Root Canal, coming soon!

What, no Sexy Prostate Check?
posted by jonmc at 8:42 AM on July 5, 2010 [3 favorites]

What, no Sexy Prostate Check?
posted by jonmc at 11:42 AM on July 5

omg, it's easy to go down that rabbit hole:


Super Sexy PAP Smear
Super Sexy Tongue Scraping
Super Sexy High Colonic
Super Sexy Nose Washing
Super Sexy Ear Wax Removal
Super Sexy Hemorrhoid Reducer

the choices are endless :P
posted by liza at 8:58 AM on July 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

Sexy Denture Fitting! Sexy Intercranial Surgery! Sexy Burn Ward Care! Sexy Autopsy!
posted by FatherDagon at 9:00 AM on July 5, 2010

Is this Pleix? It looks like something they would do.
posted by empath at 9:11 AM on July 5, 2010

What, no Sexy Prostate Check?

Old Army joke: if the doctor puts one hand on your shoulder while checking your prostate, that's ok. It's when he puts both hands on your shoulder you should be worried.

omg, it's easy to go down that rabbit hole

An oddly appropriate response to mentioning a prostate check, I guess.
posted by me & my monkey at 9:26 AM on July 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

Sexy Denture Fitting! Sexy Intercranial Surgery! Sexy Burn Ward Care! Sexy Autopsy!

These aren't really first aid kinds of things. Super Sexy Setting a Dislocated Shoulder might work, though.
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:39 AM on July 5, 2010

I totally read "Sexy Interracial Surgery" there, which sounds very much like it could be an episode of Grey's Anatomy.
posted by longbaugh at 10:15 AM on July 5, 2010

Intercranial surgery? Now that's hot.
posted by netdpb at 10:25 AM on July 5, 2010

Get back in your stockings, girls

No thank you. I prefer not feeling like a sweaty kielbasa in the height of summer.

[dick joke deleted]
posted by Sys Rq at 10:56 AM on July 5, 2010

Old Army joke: if the doctor puts one hand on your shoulder while checking your prostate, that's ok. It's when he puts both hands on your shoulder you should be worried.

Or get a second opinion.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:19 AM on July 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

Do you have to have a rotary phone for this?
posted by binturong at 11:41 AM on July 5, 2010

No Fire, no wire, no gas, no glass, I see no hazards here. Did anyone see what happened?
The hand positioning in the first video would have cracked bones guaranteed... not the best outcome. Finger tips up!

It also didn't show the CPR giver in a position to get enough leverage to fully compress (mostly due to the 'straddle' positioning). Many are surprised at just how DEEP the compressions have to be; this leads to many inexperienced CPR students getting FREAKED when they learn it can (does) break bones... and people avoiding getting simple training that can save lives (and teach how to do it properly, and avoid extra unneeded harm).

The methods shown are almost guaranteed to cause the xiphoid process to break off, resulting in punctures or lacerations of the diaphragm.
Plus the "straddle" position leads to exactly what she was doing; pushing in a really dangerous direction UP (towards the head), not Compressing the chest. Always go from a side position, for many reasons, one being straddling means you are further away from the head of the victim, where the best methods of checking vitals are... also, you have to awkwardly lean over the victim's chest, and airway to get to the head (always risky). Stay to the side Supergirl. And for the sake of all your co-workers or random acquaintances (and their ribs)... NEVER 'rock', or grind during chest compressions like they showed here.

The removal of rescue breathing (and pulse/breathing checks) was mostly for the general publics sake... it was too complicated, and slow when rescuers were either untrained or only basically trained. They were barriers to people stepping up in random situations on the street...

Among other changes, more compressions are now done between rescue breaths, and lay rescuers no longer check for pulses.

Highly trained professionals, who know the ratios and timing on instinct, will still do regular pulse/breathing checks, and also perform AR. And also do dual rescuer CPR/AR, which I think I remember them removing from standard Lay-CPR way back.

All that is why leet medical practitioners use this simple(for various values of simple) internal, heart massaging method.
Attempted Pussycat heart massage cpr (SFW; heartbreaking sad).

posted by infinite intimation at 2:18 PM on July 5, 2010 [7 favorites]

Yeah, y'know, I've actually given somebody CPR while naked (and dripping wet from being pulled out of the shower). I can confirm that it is neither fun nor sexy. Especially when it doesn't work.

Also, what bettafish said: if you're not trained, don't do rescue breaths. 100 chest compressions per minute; think of "Stayin' Alive" or "Another One Bites the Dust" in your head (your choice) and do it to the beat if you're not sure about the timing.
posted by hackwolf at 2:20 PM on July 5, 2010 [2 favorites]

My wife is a 911 dispatcher and now that's how I'm going to picture her at work.
posted by smartyboots at 2:42 PM on July 5, 2010

Dear Penthouse,

I never thought it would happen to me, but just this last weekend I felt a sharp pain in my chest and my left arm went numb. Within moments I had collapsed to the ground, cracking my head against the side of a table, warm blood gushing down over my face. I lay there unconscious in a pool of my own fluids for several hours until a passerby noticed me and took my wallet. What a day!

Suffering in San Diego
posted by turgid dahlia at 3:04 PM on July 5, 2010 [2 favorites]

Did she really cough up a chocolate heart - I ♥ chocolate, really? Do they have one with a woman coughing up a white chocolate heart too? Let me guess what colour she is and what colour her rescuer is.
posted by unliteral at 8:13 PM on July 5, 2010

Sociological Images wrote about this earlier.
posted by NoraReed at 12:59 PM on July 6, 2010