Surprisingly, this does not involve Shpongle

July 15, 2010 8:08 AM

Alarming digital drugs get Oklahoma teens high! "I heard it was like some weird demons and stuff through an iPod and he was like freaking out," said Mustang High School student Meghan Edwards. Psychology Today examines the analog origins, "In 1839, Heinrich Wilhelm Dove discovered that two constant tones, played at slightly different frequencies in each ear, cause the listener to perceive the sound of a fast-paced beat. Calling this phenomenon "binaural beats," Dove helped launch two centuries of legitimate research and, as is almost always followed by exciting empirical study, money-grabbing pseudoscience." Parent Kelly Johnson does not approve, "Well it's just scary, definitely scary. Just one more thing to look out for."
posted by geoff. (100 comments total)

Kids get high off of parental and school board disapproval. More at 11.
posted by phunniemee at 8:10 AM on July 15, 2010 [11 favorites]

I heard about this latest bullshit trend on npr yesterday.
posted by Think_Long at 8:11 AM on July 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=en1asB1haQM
posted by kuatto at 8:12 AM on July 15, 2010

Or for the love of....
posted by Debaser626 at 8:14 AM on July 15, 2010 [2 favorites]

Previously
posted by almostmanda at 8:14 AM on July 15, 2010

See also this bit of aural snake oil.

I found that Steven Stapleton did my head in properly, as a lad, just using slide whistles and dissecting tables and such.

Oh and the Hafler Trio. Good times.
posted by everichon at 8:15 AM on July 15, 2010 [4 favorites]

Somebody send the poor kids in Oklahoma some real drugs.
posted by Babblesort at 8:16 AM on July 15, 2010 [27 favorites]

well Christ at least there are not listening to John Giornio. Some of that stuff made me want to tear my hair out.

I don't want it, I don't need it, and you cheated me out of it.
posted by edgeways at 8:17 AM on July 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

Oh man, I remember downloading some various audio-generators like this off of BBSs in my credible youth... after a bit of fiddling and sitting around in headphones, I finally just said 'Fuck it, I'm going back to eating tons of cheap acid and listening to Throbbing Gristle. It's easier.'
posted by FatherDagon at 8:17 AM on July 15, 2010 [14 favorites]

The stupid: it BURNS
posted by Avenger at 8:18 AM on July 15, 2010 [6 favorites]

Here's some pharmaceutical grade stuff sure to warp your mind.
posted by cjorgensen at 8:18 AM on July 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'm going back to eating tons of cheap acid and listening to Throbbing Gristle.

Hmm. For me it was early Belle and Sebastian and wine coolers. God, I was the shit in high school.
posted by Think_Long at 8:20 AM on July 15, 2010 [9 favorites]

It's amazing what the brain can convince itself that it's experiencing.
posted by Salvor Hardin at 8:20 AM on July 15, 2010 [2 favorites]

well Christ at least there are not listening to John Giornio

CHILDREN OF OKLAHOMA PLS FIND ENCLOSED AUDIO FILES OF ONE WILLIAM S BURROUGHS.

PLS TO LISTEN CAREFULLY.

YOURS SINCERELY,

&C.

muahahahaha
posted by everichon at 8:22 AM on July 15, 2010 [2 favorites]

Just about anything on my daughters iPod has the same effect on me.
posted by photoslob at 8:22 AM on July 15, 2010

BLACKED OUT ON 'NOTHER WUNNA THOSE BINAURAL BEATS
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:22 AM on July 15, 2010 [13 favorites]

I heard about the psuedoscience around binaural beats a few years ago from a rather sketchy chain of meditation/hypnosis sites I was reading. The claim then was that your brain's alpha waves would synchronise with the beats, so it was a way to move your brain into rhythms more suited to learning, sleeping, etc.

I reasoned that it almost certainly couldn't do any harm, so gave it a go. I can't say that it did anything to my state of mind, but it was an amazing aural effect. I strongly recommend listening to some, just because it's a cool auditory illusion. I can't search youtube from here, but I'll bet there are a load of tracks available if you look for "binaural beats".

I love this story, mostly for the hilarity of what they've chosen to panic about this week, but also for the mental image of thrill-seeking teens being lured into doing SCIENCE! as they calculate the most rad beat frequencies. Actually, maybe we could make a series of these gueruilla science lessons? Next week's moral panic to be promoted in the papers: doing differential equations
posted by metaBugs at 8:23 AM on July 15, 2010 [12 favorites]

Am I the only one who reckons it's kinda groovy? I have the worlds best headphones, they make anything sound good
posted by dabitch at 8:23 AM on July 15, 2010

Panic-junkies should be shot, or at least dragged away to labor camps where they can spend their short lives making luxury products for the rest of us.
posted by aramaic at 8:25 AM on July 15, 2010 [2 favorites]

OKay, who wants to start a Scare Mom campaign that Today's Kids are getting high off meditation using their very minds?
posted by The Whelk at 8:26 AM on July 15, 2010 [20 favorites]

I used to live in Oklahoma city. One night on one of the newscasts (channel 5 I want to say, but it was 1993....) they ran a 5 minute segment on people flashing their lights at cars and getting shot.

Apparently, if you're driving down a highway and a car flashes its lights at you, if you flash your lights back, they will turn around and kill you. It was an epidemic! It was sweeping the nation! They had interviews with State Troopers warning of the danger of other motorists, terrified middle aged mothers of three in minivans, dramatic re-enactments. The whole nine yards.

The one thing they didn't have..... Any actual reports of this happening anywhere to anyone at any time.

I've lived in a lot of different states - being a military brat and all - and Oklahoma is by far the nuttiest.

(the segment they did on Beavis and Butthead inspiring toddlers to set fire to things was awesome. They interviewed some trailer dweller whose then two year old burned down her trailer.... in 1989. )
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 8:26 AM on July 15, 2010 [5 favorites]

It's Buck Rogers all over again! Someone find Andromeda and Lars Mangros, STAT!
posted by tittergrrl at 8:26 AM on July 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'm imagining being the archetypal parent interviewed for this sort of story.

It's night. I sit outside my tween son's room with a baseball bat and a laptop that monitors FOXnews' website for key words "sexting" "teens" "outrage" "danger". A ping emits from the tinny speakers, and I look warily. Is my child going to rainbow parties? Is he licking frogs? Is he getting high off of... electronic music? They all seem so possible. The world conspires to corrupt poor little Newt, and I must do everything in my power to stop it. My poor angel, my poor baby. He will be ripped away from me in a tidal wave of subversive thought, and evil neuro-transmitters. Well, sure, I partied a bit in my day. Smoked some things, snorted some things, screwed around. And I hate my self so it's my duty, my God given duty as an American parent to make sure that Newt turns out better than I.

So I patrol the grounds of our McMansion, baseball bat at the ready for pedarasts, and liberals, and dope dealers. It consumes my days, and eats away at my mind at night. The world is so dangerous, and I'm just one man.

Newt and I rarely talk now-a-days, and he seems so complicit to his own destruction. He glares across his sugared cereal, and I sip my coffee and glare back across bran flakes. I'm doing it for his own good, and he barely thanks me. Are his pants too baggy? Is he listening to rap music? Turn out your pockets, young man, and he does. I sniff an empty gum wrapper for the tell-tale scent of pot. He's clean. For now.

Next year home schooling perhaps. Finally I can watch him at every minute of every day, and he will never stray. I'm a good parent.
posted by codacorolla at 8:27 AM on July 15, 2010 [74 favorites]

Children, some as young as 5 or 6, spinning around really fast in front yards...leading to dizziness and even the inability to stand! Watch our special report "Dizzy...to Death!" tonight at 11!
posted by JoanArkham at 8:28 AM on July 15, 2010 [27 favorites]

"I was going to smoke these MP3s like a cigarette."
posted by bondcliff at 8:28 AM on July 15, 2010 [3 favorites]

How do I become one of these professional 'scared parents' that always gets interviewed for this shit? It's got to pay pretty well. Like I could just sit by the phone waiting for some journalist to call me up and say 'Hi...kids in South Dakota found out if you lick 45,000 postage stamps in one hour you will see Jesus..you're feelings?' And then I'd press a button on my laptop and it would randomly generate some frantic "OH MY GOD THE CHILDREN!!" response. And then PROFIT!
posted by spicynuts at 8:28 AM on July 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

I have seen the cyberpunk future, and it's mostly alarmist quotes from rural teens.
posted by klangklangston at 8:29 AM on July 15, 2010 [2 favorites]

. . .they ran a 5 minute segment on people flashing their lights at cars and getting shot.

That's actually a really common urban legend that has been floating around for awhile.
posted by Think_Long at 8:30 AM on July 15, 2010

.....turned it off now and the ringing in my ears won't stop. I think I broke something.
posted by dabitch at 8:30 AM on July 15, 2010

E-dosing on "Edibles" is becoming an alarming new trend amongst teens.

Web sites, stores, farms, animals and trees are luring folks with free and for purchase items of "Edibles," more commonly known on the street as "Food." These organic compounds appear to be designed to induce drug-like effects. These persons claim it is a safe and legal way to get high, but parents fear it could lead to illegal drug use.

Users of "Food" claim that they were irritable, anxious, and unfocused prior to use, and by merely knowing that "Food" awaited them when administered by a evaluator, they became even more agitated until they were able to consume the compound. Within seconds of use, they experienced a sensation of euphoria, relaxation, and an all around feeling of well-being.

Videos of teenagers trying Food are all over YouTube and TV Commercials, leaving parents, educators and law enforcement officials with the Bureau of Narcotics and Dangerous Drugs concerned.

"Kids are going to flock to these places just to see what it is about and it can lead them to other places," said OBNDD spokesperson Mark Woodward.

The digital drugs use minerals, vitamins, protein and commonly occurring compounds to alter your brainwaves, mental state and physical makeup.

"Well it's just scary, definitely scary. Just one more thing to look out for," said parent Kelly Johnson.

People do need to be concerned about it. It's not just something that should be overlooked," said Shelbi Reed, Mustang High School graduate.

"We had never come across anything like this and anything that is going to cause these physiological effects in a student, that causes us concern," said Shannon Rigsby, Mustang Public Schools Communication Officer.

Mustang schools are doing what they can to put a stop to it, including firing several dealers disguising themselves as School Employees in the "Cafeteria" or "drug den," and fining students for possession of a common gateway "Food": peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
posted by Debaser626 at 8:31 AM on July 15, 2010 [24 favorites]

. . .they ran a 5 minute segment on people flashing their lights at cars and getting shot.
posted by Think_Long

No way that's for real it happened to my cousin's friend Dave.
posted by haveanicesummer at 8:31 AM on July 15, 2010 [2 favorites]

I haven't used the binaural beats method, but I frequently use sounds to change my mood. Even in churches in Oklahoma they use these analog drugs called hymns to create feelings of euphoria and a sense being part of something bigger than oneself.
posted by betaray at 8:31 AM on July 15, 2010 [4 favorites]

Dude man just get high on grindcore.
posted by The Straightener at 8:32 AM on July 15, 2010

I heard it was like some weird demons and stuff through an iPod

Priceless. But it does sort of leave those of us without Apple products out of the loop. Guess it's back to good old-fashioned Goetia for me.
posted by infinitywaltz at 8:33 AM on July 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

E-dosing on "Edibles"

Shit, I was openly experimenting with umami before I cleaned up.
posted by everichon at 8:33 AM on July 15, 2010 [3 favorites]

The really scary thing is that if you play these audio files backwards you can hear Satan playing a vuvuzela.
posted by DU at 8:35 AM on July 15, 2010 [5 favorites]

Old jenkem is old.
posted by anigbrowl at 8:38 AM on July 15, 2010

It's Level Upper!.
I can't believe I just admitted to knowing about that.
posted by charred husk at 8:39 AM on July 15, 2010

I actually feel more suggestible... and that was from just one sniff.
posted by stuck on an island at 8:40 AM on July 15, 2010

Gah, the digital drugs have fried my brain. Proper link.
posted by stuck on an island at 8:41 AM on July 15, 2010

well Christ at least there are not listening to John Giornio

CHILDREN OF OKLAHOMA PLS FIND ENCLOSED AUDIO FILES OF ONE WILLIAM S BURROUGHS.

That's the funny thing right? I enjoy uncle Bill quite a bit, and Laurie Anderson, both close friends and collaborators with Giornio. But Giornio himself as a performer drives me BSI
posted by edgeways at 8:49 AM on July 15, 2010

I'll be over here listening to Coil.
posted by wrok at 8:53 AM on July 15, 2010 [2 favorites]

Well, I suppose it is better than the kids getting their hands on Cake.
posted by knapah at 9:02 AM on July 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

I don't believe in any of this stuff.

I will say, though, that I almost lost control of my bowels from the sound of a mud shaker at the Offshore Technology Conference in May.
posted by ZenMasterThis at 9:02 AM on July 15, 2010

Dude man just get high on grindcore.

How did I know that was A.N. before I even clicked the link? Hehe..
posted by FatherDagon at 9:02 AM on July 15, 2010

Let's assume for a minute that these things weren't just low-rent click tracks, and that you can actually "get high" listening to them. so what?

There are real reasons we don't want our kids (or really anyone beyond casual use) to use drugs. There's the addiction, the hanging around with shady drug dealers, the turning to other kinds of crime in order to find money for their drug habit. There's the fact that, at 15, I was definitely not ready to experimenting with hallucinogens, and that early use of marijuana has been shown (anecdotally IME, but people always try to pull out real science) to make kids dumber. You may or not not agree with these reasons to stay away from drugs. I subscribe to only a few of them. They are, however, the reasons society gives for outlawing them. Probably the most important pragmatic reason is that some jobs require drug testing.

Except for religious wackos of all colors, we as a society have decided that the getting high part is not the part we disagree with. If this really were a magic get-high-with-no-consequences machine, then I would let the kids do it.

In reality, this kind of stuff is mostly bogus unless you develop the meditation skills to "get high" without the flashing lights and sounds. The kids will figure this out--because what they really want is marijuana and domestic light beer--and then learn a valuable lesson about buying into new age snake oil.
posted by LiteOpera at 9:02 AM on July 15, 2010 [2 favorites]

In 1839, Heinrich Wilhelm Dove discovered that two constant tones, played at slightly different frequencies in each ear, cause the listener to perceive the sound of a fast-paced beat.

Umm... two constant tones played at slightly different frequencies in the same ear will produce the sound of a beat - it's called the beat frequency. It's how you learn to tune an instrument by ear.

Or am I missing something?
posted by muddgirl at 9:05 AM on July 15, 2010

I was heading for a bad place, where one day the cops would break into my run-down, filthy "hum-house", and find me curled up on the filthy kitchen floor, with my raw, infected ear pressed against the fridge.

Thank god for this wake-up call.
posted by Artful Codger at 9:08 AM on July 15, 2010 [3 favorites]

This is not new. The "scare" is not even new. USA Today ran a shock article a few years ago.

Binaural beats have been around for like 150 years.

I smell troll.
posted by mrgrimm at 9:09 AM on July 15, 2010

Of course, there's an app for this.
posted by beagle at 9:11 AM on July 15, 2010

Or am I missing something?

The magic is that the mixing and generation of the beat frequency is INSIDE your head (separate signal to each ear via headphones), and not outside of it, like when you're doing the tuning thing.
posted by Artful Codger at 9:12 AM on July 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

3:00 in, and so far, I'm just really annoyed.
posted by lumpenprole at 9:21 AM on July 15, 2010

I don't understand why you'd flash your lights back at someone in the first place. Doesn't someone flashing their lights at you mean "Hey, you have your brights on" or "Watch out for the speed trap"? Neither seems to require a response.
posted by desjardins at 9:26 AM on July 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

Smoke banana peels while listing to binaural beats for a truly placebodelic experience.
posted by bendybendy at 9:26 AM on July 15, 2010 [3 favorites]

I don't understand why you'd flash your lights back at someone in the first place. Doesn't someone flashing their lights at you mean "Hey, you have your brights on" or "Watch out for the speed trap"? Neither seems to require a response.

I think the urban legend is getting mangled here. The way I heard it was: gang member initiates drive around with their headlights off at night. Convention is to flash your lights at people who make that mistake, and they have to then kill you. Or something stupid like that.
posted by cj_ at 9:33 AM on July 15, 2010

I don't understand why you'd flash your lights back at someone in the first place.

I'm not a mythology expert, but I believe the original myth was a story of gang initiations. They would drive around at night with their lights off, and when a kindly citizen flashed them as a reminder, they would force the car off the road and have the new gang member kill the driver.

This whole "flashing back" thing may be a later corruption when someone who was relating the story didn't understand the mechanics of randomly finding a "nice guy" to be a gang member's first victim.
posted by muddgirl at 9:34 AM on July 15, 2010

Jeez, this stuff has been around since the sixties. If it really had as strong an effect as drugs, it would have been as popular as pot.
posted by charlie don't surf at 9:34 AM on July 15, 2010

Binaural beats can affect you, in my experience. But the most they can do is make you slightly drowsy, or slightly more alert. You'd do better with a weak cup of coffee. The extreme reactions on YouTube are absolutely hilarious.

I'd be okay with this becoming a huge phenomenon though. It's conditioning kids to 1) sitting in dark rooms and meditating instead of texting on their phone, and 2) listening to droning experimental textures instead of the pop flavor-of-the-month. Generation Z: our new avant-garde mystic overlords.
posted by naju at 9:35 AM on July 15, 2010 [4 favorites]

smoke banana peels and follow with an aspirin-crushed-in-coke (as in coca-cola). those were the days!
posted by msconduct at 9:36 AM on July 15, 2010

This is possibly the stupidest fucking thing ever. I love it.
posted by Saxon Kane at 9:38 AM on July 15, 2010

> Smoke banana peels while listing to binaural beats for a truly placebodelic experience.

Or you can go totally hardcore and stick the bananas right in your ears.
posted by ardgedee at 9:40 AM on July 15, 2010 [2 favorites]

I imagine there isn't enough gang activity in Oklahoma for that particular bit of apocrypha to provoke the intended level of fear and outrage hence the mangling.
posted by cj_ at 9:41 AM on July 15, 2010

I very much wanted the buzz about PTV/Hafler/Coil audio to be true in my youth. Lucy withdraws the football again...
posted by drowsy at 9:44 AM on July 15, 2010

So I grew up in Oklahoma. I feel 100% confident that what's really going through these parents' minds (or lack thereof) isn't so much fear of kids getting "high" off of electronic sounds, but rather that the sounds are going to put them in a state suggestible to demonic or satanic influence.

Yes, a very large number of people there -- probably not a majority, but still a frightening large number -- really do believe in and live in fear of that sort of thing.
posted by treepour at 9:47 AM on July 15, 2010 [2 favorites]

Hey, my alma mater made the news!

*basks in the glow of never having to live in Oklahoma again*
posted by kwaller at 9:48 AM on July 15, 2010

I love the light flashing myth. It's just credible enough for people to believe and suppresses people from alerting drivers with their lights off or warning about speed traps, making the world just slightly more sucky and dangerous for all of us.

A truly masterful social act of trolling probably completely randomly generated, the kind of thing Anonymous wishes it could do on purpose.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 9:55 AM on July 15, 2010 [2 favorites]

don't give them ideas !
posted by The Whelk at 9:57 AM on July 15, 2010

Ooh! From the a Previously link inside this Previously thread, "SBAGen," a program (multiplatform) that pretty accurately replicates the old Monroe Institute Hemi-Sync system.

I used to own a set of the old Monroe Institute "Gateway" cassette tapes, a gift from a nutsy gf who was into astral projection (the alleged goal of the Gateway tapes). The binaural beats effect was clearly evident, but I found the tape hiss to be totally distracting. Now this doesn't matter anymore since you can buy this stuff on CDs. But I have read some extensive discussions about whether converting these CDs to mp3s corrupts the binaural effect. The general conclusion was that it shouldn't matter, but to be safe, encode them with a lossless codec suitable for your iPod (or whatever player you have).

Not that this matters much to me. I have such horrible tinnitus in one ear, it interferes with the binaural beats. A few years ago when this stuff had a revival, I asked the company once whether tinnitus in one ear would change the effect, they said it shouldn't, but it was obvious they had no idea. I could probably make a custom binaural effect with just the right channel, if I could get it to beat against the frequency of the tinnitus in my left ear. I suspect that would really fuck me up. There are audio tapes that tinnitus sufferers use to desensitize themselves to the ringing in their ears, the downside is you can never use headphones again, some say you should never listen to amplified music again. Ever.
posted by charlie don't surf at 10:01 AM on July 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

I tried to get the cats high with these "digital drugs" and they just ignored me.
posted by HopperFan at 10:03 AM on July 15, 2010

Well, I think binaural beats can produce some (non-placebo) effect.
posted by daksya at 10:03 AM on July 15, 2010

I look forward to Oklahoma's panic about toddlers getting high on spinning in a circle until they fall down.
posted by davejay at 10:12 AM on July 15, 2010 [3 favorites]

oh and re the headlight flashing thing, when I heard about it on the news in Chicago it was "if you see a car at night without its lights on, and you flash your lights to let them know, they'll turn around and kill you, as a gang initiation rite." Hilarious.
posted by davejay at 10:13 AM on July 15, 2010

I messed around with binaural beats a little bit when I got CoolEdit 96. There was a "Brainwave" button in the program that would add the effect to any track, but it worked best with white or pink noise, iirc. The next release, CoolEdit Pro, also had the Brainwave function, but I have no idea if they kept it after Adobe bought Syntrillium & released the program as Audition. I noticed a subtle effect when I'd use it while meditating, but nothing like what these nutjobs are describing.
posted by gimli at 10:17 AM on July 15, 2010 [3 favorites]

This.
posted by leapfrog at 10:17 AM on July 15, 2010

That would be some busy fucking gang members.

"Homes...again! Another one flashed his lights! That's like, the fifteenth one tonight or some shit! Can't we just go home and burn a bowl now?"
posted by Xoebe at 10:19 AM on July 15, 2010

"I heard it was like some weird demons and stuff through an iPod and he was like freaking out," said Mustang High School student Meghan Edwards.
That sounds a lot like melhouse to me.
posted by bonsai forest at 10:21 AM on July 15, 2010

I imagine there isn't enough gang activity in Oklahoma for that particular bit of apocrypha to provoke the intended level of fear and outrage hence the mangling.

No, there's plenty of gang activity in Tulsa and Oklahoma City. Tulsa's per capita murder rate is the same as Houston's; Oklahoma City's is the same as Boston's. Tulsa's overall violent crime rate per capita is 15th in the US, higher than such "crime blighted" places as Chicago and New Orleans.

Now, mind you, the crime in Tulsa is mostly concentrated on the north side, where most of the town's African-Americans live, and the west side, home to a lot of lower-class whites. You might get your car stolen in Midtown, but gangbangers aren't looking for old white grandmas to gun down.

Oklahoma seems to run on fear and conspiracy. I remember in the late 80s there was a run on a weak but stable Tulsa bank because people were calling other people about how the bank was failing, and people started showing up that afternoon to pull their money out. The bank collapsed shortly thereafter, but even the regulators were baffled as to how the run started so quickly and was entirely people calling people -- no media reports at all about the bank's health. And the bank was federally insured, so no one was going to lose their money so long as everyone didn't show up to try to take it out at once.

The fear is something else, though. It's like you take a paranoid, anti-government, xenophobic extremist and wrap him or her in a polite, friendly, middle class veneer that belies the sort of anti-everything you expect. The xenophobia is the weirdest part. Every time I go back I'm treated like I'm a complete foreigner, and I spent 18 years of my life in Tulsa. Merely saying "I grew up in Tulsa" grants you a look as if you just said that in the thickest Russian spy accent possible. And for a town where everyone is identified by what high school they graduated from, that's not even a sufficient shibboleth.

If fear and conspiracy and xenophobia were to vanish overnight, I'm not sure how Oklahomans would live. They lap up Glenn Beck because conspiracy is mother's milk to them.
posted by dw at 10:44 AM on July 15, 2010 [3 favorites]

Try some of these hertz, maaan..
posted by pyrex at 11:06 AM on July 15, 2010

Welcome to The War on Listening.

Who will be appointed one day to take charge of this menace?

The Ear Czar?
posted by chambers at 11:27 AM on July 15, 2010

Children die all the time.
posted by Doublewhiskeycokenoice at 12:54 PM on July 15, 2010

even if this is total bullshit, can anything really very bad come of kids messing around with technology to make cool new sounds?
posted by lodurr at 1:19 PM on July 15, 2010

High as an elephant's eye.
posted by banshee at 1:21 PM on July 15, 2010

this is totally true:

Audio Spanish Fly

audio Viagra
posted by djduckie at 1:25 PM on July 15, 2010

I hope they go after video games next.
posted by meehawl at 1:28 PM on July 15, 2010

My favorite fear-filled comment in one of the local newspapers was along the lines of "I am anxious to know what my kids are getting into, but I don't dare try it!"

*facepalm*
posted by Aquaman at 1:40 PM on July 15, 2010

Rickrolling is about to get a lot more awesome
posted by vorpal bunny at 1:45 PM on July 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

Here's what I wrote about this and the decline of media last time.

This is the natural consequence, btw, of all the stories that say "OMG! _______changes the brain." Well, um, yeah, otherwise, you would have no perception or memory of __________.

and because of the bizarre way we did the research-- funding studies, for example, of drugs that distort the pleasure systems before we funded studies of the way it works naturally-- we end up with "Sex activates same brain regions as drugs" and "Junk food activates same brain regions as drugs" and "Babies activate same brain region as drugs."

Because, of course, anything experienced as pleasurable is going to have to do this-- otherwise, it wouldn't be experienced as pleasurable. What would really be shocking is if the brain had a pleasure system that was only activated by drugs-- then we'd have to conclude God created us to take drugs because there wouldn't be any evolutionary explanation.

But sex, drugs, music make us feel good-- that's what all these stories boil down to, which is not news at all.
posted by Maias at 1:59 PM on July 15, 2010 [4 favorites]

My Secret To Cheap Ecstasy:

Walk in the woods. Find some poison Ivy. Rub it on arms and hands. Go home and wait for rash to appear. Stand in hot shower and start rubbing rush. Rub, baby rub. Oh yeah. Feel the ecstasy steal over you until you nearly pass out from pleasure. Dry off.

Side effects: wicked, horribly itchy rash that can take weeks to heal.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 3:19 PM on July 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

Secret Life of Gravy, my secret is even faster. Get a hammer. Hit yourself in the head with the hammer. Repeat. Keep going! You're almost there! A couple more good whacks...and...STOP. There, doesn't that feel nice?
posted by infinitywaltz at 3:24 PM on July 15, 2010

Oh my God infinitywaltz. How can we convince stores to stop selling hammers to our minors? Think of our children!
posted by Think_Long at 3:32 PM on July 15, 2010

It's all totally true, a friend of a friend told me it's twice as powerful if you listen to it after ingesting fried dried banana peels.
posted by 3mendo at 4:00 PM on July 15, 2010

This is the dumbest thing in the history of dumb things.

brb, going to go listen to more trance music.
posted by empath at 4:00 PM on July 15, 2010

Given the institutionalized homophobia in Oklahoma, I'm a little surprised that no one there has made the obvious connection and blamed Rob Halford.
posted by Halloween Jack at 4:10 PM on July 15, 2010

Out of curiosity, I tried listening to the gates of hades in a dark room with good noise-canceling headphones. No 'high', but when the music modulates to a different frequency there is a slightly weird feeling and extremely mild disembodiment, which was ever so slightly scary.

I would probably have felt this with other spacey music though, so I'm not entirely convinced by the 'binaural beats'.
posted by a womble is an active kind of sloth at 8:22 PM on July 15, 2010

I started listening to these and afterwards had a compelling urge to play Dungeons and Dragons--the 1977 basic set.
posted by mecran01 at 10:03 PM on July 15, 2010

Several years ago the Sun Herald, South Mississippi's newspaper, ran an article written by one of the state's illegal drug "experts" (I wish I could remember her exact position). The article was a scare piece about LSD (as always, Mississippi is a wee behind the rest of the nation). In the article, the expert talked about kids who had committed suicide by jumping off buildings believing they could fly, and other such plausible stories. Then, the capper: there was one kid on LSD who started biting his fingernails and did not stop until he had eaten his entire arm up past the elbow. Are you fucking kidding me, Ms. Expert? Children spend 12% of every day attempting to kiss their own elbows (fact!). They know that this is impossible. Kiss my ass, and kiss your credibility good-bye.
posted by thebrokedown at 9:03 AM on July 16, 2010

Binaural beats... now available for your car! Wooo hooo!
posted by LakesideOrion at 10:29 AM on July 16, 2010

Does the US Analog Drug Act apply to things that aren't drugs? I.e., would non-chemical technologies which mimic the effects of illegal drugs be automatically illegal in the US?
posted by acb at 5:56 AM on July 17, 2010

The BBC reports on the morons in Oklahoma.
posted by phunniemee at 6:31 AM on July 22, 2010

The Analog Drug Act can't apply to digital drugs, man.
posted by klangklangston at 8:13 AM on July 23, 2010