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August 23, 2010 11:27 AM   Subscribe

Police Arrest Zombies. Zombies go to Appeals Court. Zombies settle out of Court for $165,000.
posted by Xurando (36 comments total) 11 users marked this as a favorite

 
ZOMBIE WIN!
posted by blue_beetle at 11:30 AM on August 23, 2010


Sweet Zombie Jesus.
posted by GuyZero at 11:30 AM on August 23, 2010 [3 favorites]


Zombies settle out of Court for $165,000.

BRAINNNSSSSS
posted by DU at 11:31 AM on August 23, 2010 [2 favorites]


Slow zombies have the patience to win in court.
posted by benzenedream at 11:32 AM on August 23, 2010 [5 favorites]


I wonder what all those anti-consumerism protesters will do with their settlements "of at least $50,000 for each person arrested." I bet it's "buy stuff."

"Later in the evening, a concern was raised that the zombies were members of the Juggalos, a violent gang known for wearing face paint."

Swing and a miss.
posted by griphus at 11:39 AM on August 23, 2010 [9 favorites]


Ah ... memories of M.I.T. student Star Simpson.
posted by ericb at 11:40 AM on August 23, 2010


> BRAINNNSSSSS

BRAINN$$$, actually.
posted by Burhanistan at 11:43 AM on August 23, 2010 [1 favorite]


In other zombie related news...
posted by kmz at 11:45 AM on August 23, 2010


And now they can spend their cash on the consumerist items that they were protesting? Oh well, ha!
posted by LD Feral at 11:45 AM on August 23, 2010


"Although U.S. District Judge Joan Ericksen had dismissed the zombies' lawsuit, it was resurrected in February by a three-judge panel of the Eighth U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals"
Nice.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 11:46 AM on August 23, 2010 [5 favorites]


Beat me to it griphus; ha, again!
posted by LD Feral at 11:46 AM on August 23, 2010


Well it's Sixth and Hennepin
All the zombies have names that sound like plaintiffs...
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:47 AM on August 23, 2010 [3 favorites]


They didn't get $50,000 each. That number was what the city attorney said they hoped they wouldn't have to pay, as an example of why they settled.

But hey, the important thing is y'all got to feel better than someone!
posted by jtron at 11:50 AM on August 23, 2010


I stand corrected. Assuming a 50% attorney fee, that's only $12,000 each.
posted by griphus at 11:53 AM on August 23, 2010


Slow zombies have the patience to win in court.

Well, it's the time of the season.

boom bim bum pah tch UH
posted by ricochet biscuit at 12:02 PM on August 23, 2010 [4 favorites]


"These facts were sufficient to warrant a reasonable person of caution in the belief that the plaintiffs engaged in boisterous or noisy conduct that was likely – and that the plaintiffs had reasonable grounds to know was likely – to arouse alarm, anger, or resentment in others.”

Sadly, as I'm an unreasonable person of caution who is known for putting the undead down on sight, I never get invited to these kinds of protests.

Because from right at the outset, when they came in for that group hug, I'd flip into survival mode and the next thing you'd see would be a field of dismembered zombies with me standing in the middle wondering why all the people were pointing and screaming.

And confused as to exactly where the hell that claw-hammer came from?
posted by quin at 12:07 PM on August 23, 2010


Later in the evening, a concern was raised that the zombies were members of the Juggalos, a violent gang known for wearing face paint.
posted by warbaby at 12:11 PM on August 23, 2010


Harteau also said police were on high alert because they'd gotten a bulletin about men who wear clown makeup while attacking and robbing people in other states.

"Later in the evening, a concern was raised that the zombies were members of the Juggalos, a violent gang known for wearing face paint."

Wait, juggalos are still a thing? Jesus Christ.
posted by thsmchnekllsfascists at 12:21 PM on August 23, 2010 [1 favorite]


I know one of those people. He's a really cool guy. We were in the same IWW chapter.
posted by cthuljew at 12:39 PM on August 23, 2010


Wait, juggalos are still a thing? Jesus Christ.

At this year's Seattle Hempfest, I saw some band playing that was outfit-stylistically-similar to ICP, called Super Geek League.
posted by nomisxid at 12:46 PM on August 23, 2010


"Later in the evening, a concern was raised that the zombies were members of the Juggalos, a violent gang known for wearing face paint."

I thought those were the Baseball Furies.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 12:47 PM on August 23, 2010 [6 favorites]


I suppose they must have been represented by Mr. Slant.
posted by CaseyB at 12:51 PM on August 23, 2010 [2 favorites]


I'm pretty sure they closed the highway for this.
posted by The Bellman at 12:55 PM on August 23, 2010


Boom boxes are "simulated weapons of mass destruction" now? And cops wonder why they aren't taken seriously.
posted by orthogonality at 12:59 PM on August 23, 2010


So were these astro zombies or were they just run of the mill zombies?
posted by wierdo at 1:27 PM on August 23, 2010


And now they can spend their cash on the consumerist items that they were protesting? Oh well, ha!

Some kind of instinct. Memory, of what they used to do. This was an important place in their lives.
posted by shakespeherian at 1:32 PM on August 23, 2010 [12 favorites]


Good.

Chances of asshole police taking this as a lesson on not being assholes: Next to none.
posted by Artw at 1:39 PM on August 23, 2010 [2 favorites]


So, um Astro Zombie... Can ya lend me fifty bucks?
posted by Splunge at 2:07 PM on August 23, 2010


Fucking zombies, how do they work?
posted by formless at 2:18 PM on August 23, 2010


Voodoo.

Or sometimes radiation. Or Aliens. Occasionally, it's some weird viral outbreak.

All of the one's I've made have been by cybernetic musculature stimulation of dead tissue. But that is a bit of a mouthful for most people.

Also; a crime against nature apparently.
posted by quin at 2:20 PM on August 23, 2010 [3 favorites]


I wish I knew about this when it was happening. I would have made "Free the Zombie Seven" T shirts.

Also notice that Jake and Marie didn't make the Techland photo montage? That's what they get for phoning it in.
posted by CarlRossi at 2:23 PM on August 23, 2010 [1 favorite]


I love my friends!
posted by mano at 5:46 PM on August 23, 2010


Minneapolis will pay $165,000 to zombies
By RANDY FURST, Star Tribune

The Minneapolis city attorney's office has decided to pay seven zombies and their attorney $165,000.

I bet the reporters had fun writing that one.
posted by eye of newt at 8:46 PM on August 23, 2010 [1 favorite]


When cops are stupid and don't apologize, the taxpayer ultimately pays a lawyer for the trouble.
posted by kalessin at 9:30 PM on August 23, 2010 [5 favorites]


Oooh, I'll be in Minneapolis this weekend; wonder if I can get the city to somehow F me over, and then I can pay off some bills :p

(note: I do not want this to happen. I want a trouble-free trip to MN. I have all my papers.)
posted by jtron at 7:05 AM on August 24, 2010


They're not spending it on hookers and blow, in case you think everyone is a cynical dickwad.
posted by cthuljew at 11:12 PM on August 26, 2010


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