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August 26, 2010 9:00 AM   Subscribe

There are 100 ways to love a cat.

Mostly music-related comedy from Travis and Jonathan: In The Studio With Rick Rubin And Ray Stevens - Billy Bob Thornton Interviews Joaquin Phoenix - goat/chupacabra - The Twilight Tribute Band
posted by BeerFilter (100 comments total) 25 users marked this as a favorite

 
Olive oil and a spice rub in the trunk?
posted by emilyd22222 at 9:01 AM on August 26, 2010 [3 favorites]


What. The.
posted by sandraregina at 9:09 AM on August 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


Best internets ever.
posted by milquetoast at 9:11 AM on August 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


I made it to ten. Maybe that UK Catbin Lady was emailed a link to this before she went out for her walk.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:11 AM on August 26, 2010 [8 favorites]


Wow, turns out way 100 is PUNCH YOURSELF IN THE FACE UNTIL YOU ARE DEAD.
posted by koeselitz at 9:17 AM on August 26, 2010 [5 favorites]


I saw this fucking thing on Monday and it has completely ruined my life. The song plays in my head 24-7. I made the mistake of showing it to my wife, and now, even if I manage to free myself of it, she'll turn to me and say "Way 37! Let him stand on your kidneys" and the whole cycle starts over again.

Why, god, why? What the hell? And, speaking of god, am I wrong that this thing sounds like a hymn at the world's creepiest church?

I have to go give my cat a fish.
posted by COBRA! at 9:18 AM on August 26, 2010 [20 favorites]


I just discovered 100 ways to hate myself.
posted by bicyclefish at 9:18 AM on August 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


i'm on 8 i swear i'm going to watch all of them.

the best joke is looking down at the time-left bar on the video. 33 minutes LOL
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:19 AM on August 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


No. No no no no no no no.

It took me days to scrub that song from my brain after I first heard it. I don't want to go through that horrible purgatory again.

... one hundred loving waaaaaa-yaaaaay-aaaaaysAAAARRRGH
posted by The Lurkers Support Me in Email at 9:19 AM on August 26, 2010


I'm up to 34. *twitch*
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 9:19 AM on August 26, 2010


I started again at 50 because the song was stuck in my head anyway.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:21 AM on August 26, 2010


I think this might be the worst thing I've ever seen on the internet. W-ow.
posted by ifjuly at 9:21 AM on August 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


...but Rick Rubin/ Ray Stevens almost makes up for this crime against humanity.
posted by COBRA! at 9:22 AM on August 26, 2010


The hurt my soul. Yes, my soul.
posted by ChaoticIndustry at 9:22 AM on August 26, 2010


way 17: the cat doesn't like that music much
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:22 AM on August 26, 2010


I tried to watch it when Jhonen posted it the other day. I could not watch it. I tried to skip forward and see if it turned into some kind of outre comedy thing in the later "ways." As far as I could tell, it did not. Now I am trying to make it stop existing, using my brain powers (like the TV kid in the Twilight Zone movie).

Can someone cut together 100 ways NOT to love a cat? That I'd sit through. I vote for UK bin lady as one or more of the ways.
posted by damehex at 9:23 AM on August 26, 2010


COBRA!: “... even if I manage to free myself of it, she'll turn to me and say "Way 37! Let him stand on your kidneys" and the whole cycle starts over again.”

Actually, Way 37 is "Praise them lavishly," and apparently involves giving them stickers for being good.
posted by koeselitz at 9:26 AM on August 26, 2010 [2 favorites]


My new hold music!
posted by parmanparman at 9:27 AM on August 26, 2010 [10 favorites]


Took me several minutes to realize that isn't really Ray Stevens. I'm slow. Meanwhile, I find out the saddening, but unsurprising, fact that Ray Stevens is a teabagger. So chalk up another "wow, a funny winger" (although I haven't listened to anything of his since...1987?).
posted by DU at 9:27 AM on August 26, 2010


Way 43 is a little weird.
posted by koeselitz at 9:28 AM on August 26, 2010


Monkey loves kitten
posted by homunculus at 9:28 AM on August 26, 2010


way 39: a funny trick for your cat is to hit them in the face with a straw. True.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:28 AM on August 26, 2010


I get the same feeling from this as I do from those slowed-down pop songs. Creeping madness. But I can't stop listening.
posted by uncleozzy at 9:29 AM on August 26, 2010


Actually, Way 37 is "Praise them lavishly," and apparently involves giving them stickers for being good.
posted by koeselitz


Yeah, but she's just fond of taking any old number and assigning it to whatever new cat-loving way she's worked out ("number 79: let him lick your eyebrows!"). She has no respect for cat-loving art.

Also, I'm terrified that you knew what Way 37 actually was.
posted by COBRA! at 9:30 AM on August 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


on way 55 what did the cat pull off his finger? is that a nail? i'm starting to lose my mind, this video is worse than Nam.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:32 AM on August 26, 2010 [5 favorites]


i love my cat. all four (4) of them. in a million different ways. more than you'll ever know. but not enough to watch that video. what. the. fuck?
posted by msconduct at 9:34 AM on August 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


way 61: what if you get catch cat scratch fever? you'd have to get angry then.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:35 AM on August 26, 2010


By the way, if you need some Ray Stevens background (and who doesn't?), the AV Club's Nathan Rabin has a pretty good rundown.
posted by COBRA! at 9:36 AM on August 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


this cat is a natural comedic genius. just watching him fail to eat a hotdog in 64 cracks me up bad.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:36 AM on August 26, 2010


in way 88 he interrupts the cat when the cat is eating which is clearly what he says NOT to do therefore this video is BULLSHIT HYPOCRISY DO NOT WATCH IT!
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:40 AM on August 26, 2010


Why, god, why? What the hell? And, speaking of god, am I wrong that this thing sounds like a hymn at the world's creepiest church?

Actually, it sort of reminded me of Warren Zevon. Which could be the same thing.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:41 AM on August 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


100 Ways to see how tolerant your cat is.

Way 57! Dress them up in ribbons.
posted by amtho at 9:41 AM on August 26, 2010


was that a key change on way 93 or did i just reach nirvana?
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:42 AM on August 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


Dear god, I watched the whole thing. I watched the whole fucking thing.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 9:43 AM on August 26, 2010 [5 favorites]


101 ways.
*wink*
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 9:43 AM on August 26, 2010 [5 favorites]


Spoiler Alert: Way 98 is the funniest one of them all.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:45 AM on August 26, 2010


oh god its still going that's it i'm drinking the poison
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:45 AM on August 26, 2010 [4 favorites]


I like Way 8: get them a scratching post, with an extended shot of the neglected scratching post, then finally a cat disinterestedly walking by it. If it's like my house, that cat is on its way to a much better, more expensive scratching post, AKA the couch!
posted by medeine at 9:45 AM on August 26, 2010 [3 favorites]


was that a key change on way 93 or did i just reach nirvana?

There's one right after way 60 (which is totally a repeat). I haven't gotten to 93 yet. This is madness.
posted by uncleozzy at 9:46 AM on August 26, 2010


Ordinarily it's frustrating not being able to watch posted material until the end of the work day, but this thread is fascinating and hilarious because of it.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 9:48 AM on August 26, 2010 [5 favorites]


20 minutes, 49 seconds in. Cat not impressed by sausage.
posted by ArmyOfKittens at 9:49 AM on August 26, 2010


A sign of my insanity because of how much this has disturbed me: way 87 actually makes sense now.
posted by koeselitz at 9:49 AM on August 26, 2010


Around 3:45 you can totally see the cat's wiener!!!
posted by Mayor Curley at 9:51 AM on August 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


Potomac Avenue: “Spoiler Alert: Way 98 is the funniest one of them all.”

You're a bastard. I really mean that.
posted by koeselitz at 9:53 AM on August 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


oh god when I blink I can see this on the inside of my eyelids
posted by ArmyOfKittens at 9:53 AM on August 26, 2010 [3 favorites]


After that, you may need this.
posted by Decani at 9:57 AM on August 26, 2010


Metafilter: the Worst of the Web
posted by seventyfour at 9:58 AM on August 26, 2010


tl;dw
posted by monospace at 10:17 AM on August 26, 2010


There is more than one way to love a cat.
posted by hellphish at 10:19 AM on August 26, 2010


This is probably just another oblique rant about miaphysitism from Current 93. They're sly that way.
posted by everichon at 10:20 AM on August 26, 2010


I made it to... 3.
posted by peripathetic at 10:26 AM on August 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


Also I would kill to see Louis Wain's "Pc:z ⟝> z2 + c Ways To Love A Cat".
posted by everichon at 10:27 AM on August 26, 2010


Why the GoatChupacabra tag?

(No, I watched the whole thing. Sadly, no goats or chupacabras. )
posted by fontophilic at 10:31 AM on August 26, 2010


I'm a dog person. I love my cat and everything, but there's no way I'm watching this past minute 2.
posted by tula at 10:34 AM on August 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


Another 3 here. I think I would have pulled my own nails out with a plier before the fourth iteration of that damn song. Aaah!
posted by Iosephus at 10:35 AM on August 26, 2010


...oh hell no why did I click on that.

it's... strangely soothing and mesmerising... feeling... sleepy...
posted by zennish at 10:35 AM on August 26, 2010


Took me several minutes to realize that isn't really Ray Stevens. I'm slow.

I'm still unsure whether the other guy is the real Rick Rubin or not. If not, he does a good impersonation.
posted by kingbenny at 10:36 AM on August 26, 2010


Which one involves a middle-aged British woman and a wheelie bin?
posted by GuyZero at 10:38 AM on August 26, 2010



...
Way 3: I'm starting to go crazy. Ran out of water during way 1. Thoughts of death too loud now.
Way 4: I can't take it anymore. Slitting wrists now....
posted by Increase at 10:44 AM on August 26, 2010


I love the matched pairs (paraphrasing because no way am I watching it again):

Give him his privacy (shot of cat getting locked in the closet)
If he's locked in the closet let him out (shot of cat getting let of the closet)

Let him watch TV (shot of cat watching TV)
If he's scared comfort him (shot of cat watching Twister on TV)
posted by fermezporte at 10:48 AM on August 26, 2010


Well, Clarice - have the cats stopped screaming?
posted by phaedon at 10:53 AM on August 26, 2010 [2 favorites]


I suppose poor framing on my part, but there are some other videos up there in the [more inside] part, hence the tags.
posted by BeerFilter at 10:59 AM on August 26, 2010


I watched the whole thing. Don't be afraid. Fear is a reflex, courage is a choice. No not believing in yourself.
posted by hellphish at 11:00 AM on August 26, 2010


35 minutes of listening to that horrible song? Over and over, at that glacial pure-torture pace? I made 55 seconds and I am already severely traumatized. It was just wrong of you to post this. I was up all night tending to my sick foster kittens. You have abused all cat lovers, sir.
posted by lphoenix at 11:13 AM on August 26, 2010


COBRA!: am I wrong that this thing sounds like a hymn at the world's creepiest church?

If you replace "a cat" with "our Lord" and "them" to "Him," it turns into the greatest Christian soft rock song of all time!

"Way 10! Be quiet when He's sleeping!"
"Way 28! Don't forget Him on Christmas!"
"Way 65! Let Him chase a laser pointer!"
posted by castlebravo at 11:20 AM on August 26, 2010 [18 favorites]


castlebravo: "If you replace "a cat" with "our Lord" and "them" to "Him," it turns into the greatest Christian soft rock song of all time!"

Way 77! Touch Him as you pass by!
Way 84! Stroke in the direction that His fur goes!
Way 90! Let Him have a lick!

Okay, that went in a direction I didn't exactly foresee.

Why am I watching this video for a second time? Aaaaaaaaaaagh.
posted by The Lurkers Support Me in Email at 11:54 AM on August 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


tl;dw: the Official Soundtrack
posted by Beardman at 12:01 PM on August 26, 2010


What? Dropping him in a trash can isn't on the list?

There are also 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover, but Paul Simon was smart enough not to put ALL of them in the song.
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:03 PM on August 26, 2010


"She said why don't we both just sleep on it tonight
And I believe in the morning you'll begin to see the light
And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right
There must be a hundred ways to love your cat"
posted by noyb42 at 12:06 PM on August 26, 2010


Oh that poor fucking cat.
posted by iamkimiam at 12:21 PM on August 26, 2010


So now we're doing small favours for each other and then singing about it to the tune of this.

I fully expect this to last about as long as our constant singing about the Human Centipede last week.
posted by ArmyOfKittens at 12:25 PM on August 26, 2010 [3 favorites]



Is there 1 way to love 100 cats?
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 12:46 PM on August 26, 2010


Just like there's a lot of ways of wearing a hat, there is moooore than one waaaaaaay of lovin' a cat.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:47 PM on August 26, 2010


Is there 1 way to love 100 cats?

Let them eat you when you're dead?
posted by Omnomnom at 12:52 PM on August 26, 2010 [5 favorites]


Okay, so it took the better part of three hours, watching this in five-minute increments (and still not giving total attention, I might add), but I finished it.

I have to admit I was amused by how the dude's singing takes on a slightly desperate tone towards the very end, as if to say, "You're still here, aren't you? OH GOD PLEASE BE LISTENING!"
posted by Kitteh at 12:54 PM on August 26, 2010


I started to watch this and I was like, holy shit, did anybody watch this for more than 45 second? They waste ten seconds between every item redisplaying the title screen for no god damned reason. Then I read a few of the comments. Then I actually put on my headphones and restarted it. Then I was like, holy shit, did anybody watch this for more than 8 seconds?
posted by nanojath at 1:22 PM on August 26, 2010


redisplaying the title screen for no god damned reason

Gotta show something during the chorus, don't you?
posted by inigo2 at 1:35 PM on August 26, 2010


Excellent, the non-invasive lobotomy I've always longed for.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 1:37 PM on August 26, 2010 [3 favorites]


Am I the only one that really likes this song? Granted, I'm not watching the video, but I've got it playing here in the background while I'm pottering about and I'm thoroughly enjoying myself. And now I'm singing along to the intro and outro parts in a way similar to the Eddie Izzard routine about "The Twelve Days of Christmas". Yeah, thats it, this video is very christmassy in a very Hallmark kind of way; open fires and eggnog and green sweaters that are too warm and snow on the roof and stuff. Grandma's dozing in the rocking chair and this lovely song is emanating from a small radio, its notes suspended in the syrup-y air. Bliss.
posted by soundofsuburbia at 1:53 PM on August 26, 2010


100 Ways To Love A Cat

I can't wait to see what they have for number 69.
posted by Clay201 at 2:14 PM on August 26, 2010


Now that's a stoical cat 100 times over! Vids must have taken days and days. So, do tell me how to get my cat to pose even once for a mere photo...
posted by drogien at 2:28 PM on August 26, 2010


That cat must remember the production of this video as "The time of much unwanted and confusing attention."
posted by longsleeves at 2:42 PM on August 26, 2010 [6 favorites]


Gotta show something during the chorus, don't you?

But that's the thing - I wasn't listening to the audio first time through so to me the decision was baffling, and by the third time through infuriating. Of course ironically listening to the audio as well made the video more explicable but (for me) completely unendurable.
posted by nanojath at 3:03 PM on August 26, 2010


Please can you people cut it out with the spoilers in this thread.
posted by Anything at 3:14 PM on August 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


Elvis Costello could have made it work.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 3:18 PM on August 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


I have been cleaning my apt for the last few hours, and if you were to listen in you'd hear me singing non-stop "there are one hundred waaaays - AUGH, GOD DAMN IT!"
posted by missmary6 at 4:19 PM on August 26, 2010


Okay, so who else just watched the entire 35 minute video?
posted by Deflagro at 4:47 PM on August 26, 2010


Ironic Christian rock reference. Adorable OLD cat who has seen it all: been there, done that. Relentless loyalty to the formula...play it out and let the audience decide whether to click away, skip ahead, or hang in for the duration. It's art, dude. I love it.
posted by aunt_winnifred at 6:38 PM on August 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


wake up kitty and meet our new puppy!
posted by phaedon at 7:08 PM on August 26, 2010 [3 favorites]


Am I the only one that really likes this song?
soundofsuburbia at 1:53 PM on August 26 [+] [!]


Eponysterical.
posted by Diablevert at 7:53 PM on August 26, 2010


Oh, god. I didn't make it past #2.
That thing is awful.
posted by SLC Mom at 11:31 PM on August 26, 2010


Oh, god. I didn't make it past #2.
That thing is awful.


You have to hang on to the ten minute mark so you can feel the tendrils wrap around your brain and you can't look away and you can see eternity.

That's the sweet spot.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 2:40 AM on August 27, 2010 [3 favorites]


Youtube should track how many viewers view a video all the way through.
posted by ymgve at 4:13 AM on August 27, 2010


Youtube should track how many viewers view a video all the way through.

And then send them kind, politely worded emails suggesting where they can find professional help for their newly discovered, paralysing phobia of all things cat- or song-related.
posted by malusmoriendumest at 5:20 AM on August 27, 2010


I'm not the kind of guy who skips to the last page of a book because I can't stand the suspense, but for some reason I was powerfully compelled to skip ahead to 100 after about 20 ways.

I now feel hollow, empty, and slightly sticky.
posted by davelog at 6:53 AM on August 27, 2010


If you cross your eyes slightly while staring at the "1☺☺ Ways to ♥ a Cat" screen you can merge the two cat faces into one.

The depth perception center of your brain will embrace the image of a disembodied cat head hovering half-way between your computer and your face. As you stare at it, like the void, it begins staring into you.

Behind it, to the left and right, are ghostly half-images of cat faces both there and not there, as if having escaped unobserved from some infernal quantum box.

You have 100 chances to experience the horror.
posted by rlk at 8:35 AM on August 27, 2010 [3 favorites]


Actually, Way 37 is "Praise them lavishly,"

The music reminds me of Christian Praise Music. There are some groovy harmonies at the end.

Also, we very much admire the grumpy 'old cat' style stoicism.
posted by ovvl at 5:09 PM on August 27, 2010


My wife and I watched through number 3, then skipped to the middle to see if it got any better. It did not.
posted by daHIFI at 2:20 PM on August 29, 2010


But if you make it to No. 60, you'll be rewarded with a truckers' gear change!

One YouTube comment says "Does anybody else picture Andy Richter singing this?", so now I've got that image too.
posted by lisa g at 9:49 PM on August 29, 2010


I actually got offended when they repeated one. I don't... how is this my life?
posted by Solon and Thanks at 10:08 AM on September 4, 2010


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