I Like To Party, Very Much
October 29, 2010 1:18 PM Subscribe
There is a porn parody of The Human Centipede called The Human Sexipede. Here is the script. That is all.
[NSFW]
I'm trying to think of something that seems like a worse idea than this. I am failing.
posted by rollbiz at 1:21 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by rollbiz at 1:21 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
I'm trying to think of something that seems like a worse idea than this. I am failing.
Porn parody of Saw.
posted by graventy at 1:23 PM on October 29, 2010 [3 favorites]
Porn parody of Saw.
posted by graventy at 1:23 PM on October 29, 2010 [3 favorites]
Plushy Porn parody of Saw.
FTFY.
I go cry now.
posted by yeloson at 1:24 PM on October 29, 2010 [4 favorites]
FTFY.
I go cry now.
posted by yeloson at 1:24 PM on October 29, 2010 [4 favorites]
I'm trying to think of something that seems like a worse idea than this. I am failing.
Porn parody of the Critique of Pure Reason.
posted by Beardman at 1:25 PM on October 29, 2010 [32 favorites]
Porn parody of the Critique of Pure Reason.
posted by Beardman at 1:25 PM on October 29, 2010 [32 favorites]
The Cinema Snob did a pretty interesting review of it; the TL;DR version is "too much sex - not enough story; and the titular Sexipede only appears in the last few minutes".
posted by PontifexPrimus at 1:25 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by PontifexPrimus at 1:25 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
Curiosity got the better of me and I downloaded a torrent of the Big Lebowski xxx parody several months ago. I recall two highlights for a longtime fan of the original film.
1. When Bunny offers to blow The Dude for a thousand dollars IT ACTUALLY HAPPENS. That was fun for about five seconds.
2. When the porn movie-within-a-movie Logjammin' is shown in this movie, the scene plays out fully instead of just being alluded to and shown for a few seconds.
Overall, there were those two glimmers of closure for someone that has seen the original movie 20+ times but everything else about the porn parody was super duper lame. The sets are unimpressive. Having "actors" sticking to a script is worse than no script at all. The costumes are lame. The whole recreation of dream sequences are fairly lame.
Like most porn parodies, the idea is much funnier than the execution.
posted by mathowie at 1:26 PM on October 29, 2010 [3 favorites]
1. When Bunny offers to blow The Dude for a thousand dollars IT ACTUALLY HAPPENS. That was fun for about five seconds.
2. When the porn movie-within-a-movie Logjammin' is shown in this movie, the scene plays out fully instead of just being alluded to and shown for a few seconds.
Overall, there were those two glimmers of closure for someone that has seen the original movie 20+ times but everything else about the porn parody was super duper lame. The sets are unimpressive. Having "actors" sticking to a script is worse than no script at all. The costumes are lame. The whole recreation of dream sequences are fairly lame.
Like most porn parodies, the idea is much funnier than the execution.
posted by mathowie at 1:26 PM on October 29, 2010 [3 favorites]
It's not loading for me, which creates the amusing message "Trying to reconnect to www.humansexipede.com."
posted by catlet at 1:26 PM on October 29, 2010 [9 favorites]
posted by catlet at 1:26 PM on October 29, 2010 [9 favorites]
I'm trying to think of something that seems like a worse idea than this. I am failing.
Harold and Maude XXX
posted by Combustible Edison Lighthouse at 1:29 PM on October 29, 2010 [16 favorites]
Harold and Maude XXX
posted by Combustible Edison Lighthouse at 1:29 PM on October 29, 2010 [16 favorites]
I thought The Human Centipede already was porn.
posted by hydrophonic at 1:29 PM on October 29, 2010 [4 favorites]
posted by hydrophonic at 1:29 PM on October 29, 2010 [4 favorites]
Very First Line: "Wow, this German Motel room looks like an Ikea display. I'm half expecting 99 cent Swedish meatballs, and the bookshelf to fall down." Budgets for films like this being tight as they are, you've got to cram as much exposition and product placement into every syllable as you possibly can, I suppose.
posted by Gator at 1:30 PM on October 29, 2010
posted by Gator at 1:30 PM on October 29, 2010
Salo: 120 Days of Sodom XXX
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:30 PM on October 29, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:30 PM on October 29, 2010 [3 favorites]
Porn parody of the Critique of Pure Reason.
Tagline: "More Kant than one man can handle."
posted by rusty at 1:31 PM on October 29, 2010 [84 favorites]
Tagline: "More Kant than one man can handle."
posted by rusty at 1:31 PM on October 29, 2010 [84 favorites]
I'm trying to think of something that seems like a worse idea than this. I am failing.
Porn parody of Shoah?
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 1:31 PM on October 29, 2010 [2 favorites]
Porn parody of Shoah?
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 1:31 PM on October 29, 2010 [2 favorites]
Porn parody of the Critique of Pure Reason
You are The Critique of Pure Squeezin' and I claim my five pounds.
And Astro Zombie beat me to it, damn his Marquis-loving eyes.
posted by Shepherd at 1:32 PM on October 29, 2010
You are The Critique of Pure Squeezin' and I claim my five pounds.
And Astro Zombie beat me to it, damn his Marquis-loving eyes.
posted by Shepherd at 1:32 PM on October 29, 2010
Already dated. The meatballs are $4 at IKEA.
posted by adamdschneider at 1:32 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by adamdschneider at 1:32 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
The Muppet XXX Movie.
posted by empath at 1:34 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by empath at 1:34 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
Harold and Maude XXX
Combustible wins it all. That's it, we can shut down Metafilter, now.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:35 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
Combustible wins it all. That's it, we can shut down Metafilter, now.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:35 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
The Cinema Snob did a pretty interesting review of it
"Jesus, ladies! Fake it, whatever! Fake your fucking climax! Move on! Get to the rest of the story!"
Um... unclear on the concept?
posted by hippybear at 1:39 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
"Jesus, ladies! Fake it, whatever! Fake your fucking climax! Move on! Get to the rest of the story!"
Um... unclear on the concept?
posted by hippybear at 1:39 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
I'm trying to think of something that seems like a worse idea than this. I am failing.
Porn parody of Schindler's List.
posted by millipede at 1:39 PM on October 29, 2010 [2 favorites]
I thought The Human Centipede already was porn.
Either you didn't see it and that is a joke or you did see it and can make a lot of money taking human sexuality surveys.
posted by griphus at 1:40 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
Either you didn't see it and that is a joke or you did see it and can make a lot of money taking human sexuality surveys.
posted by griphus at 1:40 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
The Unbearable Lightness of Being in a Room with a View of the Full Monty.
XXX.
Now on blu-ray
posted by CynicalKnight at 1:40 PM on October 29, 2010 [2 favorites]
XXX.
Now on blu-ray
posted by CynicalKnight at 1:40 PM on October 29, 2010 [2 favorites]
The Muppet XXX Movie.
The Great Muppet Raper.
posted by kafziel at 1:42 PM on October 29, 2010 [3 favorites]
The Great Muppet Raper.
posted by kafziel at 1:42 PM on October 29, 2010 [3 favorites]
Al Gore stars in An Inconvenient Truth XXX
posted by empath at 1:42 PM on October 29, 2010 [5 favorites]
posted by empath at 1:42 PM on October 29, 2010 [5 favorites]
Old Yeller.
posted by catlet at 1:42 PM on October 29, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by catlet at 1:42 PM on October 29, 2010 [2 favorites]
Porn parody of pornography. It's just the dialogue.
posted by jbickers at 1:43 PM on October 29, 2010 [6 favorites]
posted by jbickers at 1:43 PM on October 29, 2010 [6 favorites]
I was going to say a porn version of Metamorphosis, but there's probably an animated version from Japan by now.
posted by The Card Cheat at 1:43 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by The Card Cheat at 1:43 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
"My balls are so big and blue, they're like extras from Avatar"
I laughed and laughed and laughed.. That's pretty good.
posted by hanoixan at 1:43 PM on October 29, 2010
I laughed and laughed and laughed.. That's pretty good.
posted by hanoixan at 1:43 PM on October 29, 2010
rule 34, rule 35, rule 39.
Recent favorite: The Devil Wears Nada
posted by Mister Fabulous at 1:43 PM on October 29, 2010 [6 favorites]
Recent favorite: The Devil Wears Nada
posted by Mister Fabulous at 1:43 PM on October 29, 2010 [6 favorites]
The Passion of the Christ
posted by Catfry at 1:45 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Catfry at 1:45 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
I'm trying to think of something that seems like a worse idea than this. I am failing.
Futurama: Jurassic Bark XXX?
posted by Gator at 1:46 PM on October 29, 2010
Futurama: Jurassic Bark XXX?
posted by Gator at 1:46 PM on October 29, 2010
As a pre-teen, I was once home alone and really wanted to watch some dirty movies. Except my mom had blocked the real porn and I hadn't figured out a way around that yet. So, I was stuck looking at the upcoming movies to see if there was anything even remotely pornographic.
And there it was: Swimming To Cambodia, Rating: M
I spent twenty goddamn minutes listening to Spalding Gray ramble on until I realized he wasn't going to screw anyone.
posted by griphus at 1:46 PM on October 29, 2010 [15 favorites]
And there it was: Swimming To Cambodia, Rating: M
I spent twenty goddamn minutes listening to Spalding Gray ramble on until I realized he wasn't going to screw anyone.
posted by griphus at 1:46 PM on October 29, 2010 [15 favorites]
Porn parody of the Critique of Pure Reason.
Porn parody of Saw.
Harold and Maude XXX.
Porn parody of Shoah?
etc.
This is why I love you guys, and also why I want you all to stay very, very far away from me.
posted by rollbiz at 1:48 PM on October 29, 2010 [2 favorites]
Porn parody of Saw.
Harold and Maude XXX.
Porn parody of Shoah?
etc.
This is why I love you guys, and also why I want you all to stay very, very far away from me.
posted by rollbiz at 1:48 PM on October 29, 2010 [2 favorites]
Operation Desert Porn: 120 Days Of Saddam
posted by The Card Cheat at 1:49 PM on October 29, 2010 [6 favorites]
posted by The Card Cheat at 1:49 PM on October 29, 2010 [6 favorites]
Porn parody of pornography. It's just the dialogue.
Perhaps you're thinking of PG Porn. (previously)
posted by hippybear at 1:49 PM on October 29, 2010
Perhaps you're thinking of PG Porn. (previously)
posted by hippybear at 1:49 PM on October 29, 2010
The Peanuts PG porn parody was pretty damn awful even with Michael Rosenbaum and no sex, which should have made it good. But it was so unfunnily awful I found myself wondering if adding the sex back in might have improved it. I'm spoiled for bad porn parodies of any rating now :(
posted by shinybaum at 1:49 PM on October 29, 2010
posted by shinybaum at 1:49 PM on October 29, 2010
The Card Cheat: “I was going to say a porn version of Metamorphosis, but there's probably an animated version from Japan by now.”
Google "Bondage Faeries." No, actually don't.
posted by koeselitz at 1:51 PM on October 29, 2010
Google "Bondage Faeries." No, actually don't.
posted by koeselitz at 1:51 PM on October 29, 2010
I'm sorry, nothing comes close to Shaving Ryan's Privates.
posted by londonmark at 1:51 PM on October 29, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by londonmark at 1:51 PM on October 29, 2010 [3 favorites]
Room with a View to a Kill a Mockingbird on a Wire. The XXX parody.
posted by norm at 1:52 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by norm at 1:52 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
I'm trying to think of something that seems like a worse idea than this. I am failing.
What about ELEVEN sequels? It could happen:
"The way Tom Six described it to me," says Williams, "was that in the first film he kind of held back, and in the second one he's gonna go full force. When you see the original film, the wheels will start turning and you'll be wondering how he could actually make a sequel to this? I actually don't know what exactly he's going to do, but he said at FrightFest in London that he wants to have twelve parts."
Twelve parts?!? Can our psyches handle twelve parts?!? Look for The Human Centipede II - The Full Sequence sometime in 2010."
"Tom Six is in the process of making a sequel to The Human Centipede….does this mean we have to make The Human Sexipede 2?"
posted by iviken at 1:52 PM on October 29, 2010
What about ELEVEN sequels? It could happen:
"The way Tom Six described it to me," says Williams, "was that in the first film he kind of held back, and in the second one he's gonna go full force. When you see the original film, the wheels will start turning and you'll be wondering how he could actually make a sequel to this? I actually don't know what exactly he's going to do, but he said at FrightFest in London that he wants to have twelve parts."
Twelve parts?!? Can our psyches handle twelve parts?!? Look for The Human Centipede II - The Full Sequence sometime in 2010."
"Tom Six is in the process of making a sequel to The Human Centipede….does this mean we have to make The Human Sexipede 2?"
posted by iviken at 1:52 PM on October 29, 2010
I'm trying to think of something that seems like a worse idea than this. I am failing.
Death to Smoochy. No, not any new version.
I kid. I like that movie.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 1:54 PM on October 29, 2010
Death to Smoochy. No, not any new version.
I kid. I like that movie.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 1:54 PM on October 29, 2010
Porn parody of The Room starring once again, Tommy Wiseau. As in the original, the same sex scene is repeated multiple times. Instant cult-favorite.
posted by StrangerInAStrainedLand at 1:57 PM on October 29, 2010
posted by StrangerInAStrainedLand at 1:57 PM on October 29, 2010
Instant cult-favorite.
Yeah, like Kool-Aid.
posted by griphus at 1:57 PM on October 29, 2010 [2 favorites]
Yeah, like Kool-Aid.
posted by griphus at 1:57 PM on October 29, 2010 [2 favorites]
I am very embarrassed to admit that half-way through I was thinking "hey, isn't that Tom Byron playing the doctor?" and was subsequently proven right.
posted by Curious Artificer at 2:02 PM on October 29, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by Curious Artificer at 2:02 PM on October 29, 2010 [2 favorites]
From a couple of pages into the script (there was NO WAY I was going to click on any of the links except that one...):
posted by ZsigE at 2:05 PM on October 29, 2010 [7 favorites]
SCENE 2: SEX SCENE #1 (GG): LINDSAY & JENNY After sex they smile at each other. Then Lindsay and Jenny turn away from each other and reveal that they are both still very much unsatisfied.I keep imagining this as the two girls turning away simultaneously, sighing heavily and doing their best "sad faces", and it makes me laugh every single time.
posted by ZsigE at 2:05 PM on October 29, 2010 [7 favorites]
I spent twenty goddamn minutes listening to Spalding Gray ramble on until I realized he wasn't going to screw anyone.
Weirdly enough, he was in a porn movie though. It's called The Farmer's Daughters, I believe.
posted by chambers at 2:07 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
Weirdly enough, he was in a porn movie though. It's called The Farmer's Daughters, I believe.
posted by chambers at 2:07 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
This is sort of redundant isnt it?
I couldnt even get through the original without a bottle of Jergens and a sock.
You people are too hard to please.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 2:09 PM on October 29, 2010
I couldnt even get through the original without a bottle of Jergens and a sock.
You people are too hard to please.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 2:09 PM on October 29, 2010
The Muppet XXX Movie.
otherwise known as Meet the Feebles...
posted by ennui.bz at 2:10 PM on October 29, 2010 [3 favorites]
otherwise known as Meet the Feebles...
posted by ennui.bz at 2:10 PM on October 29, 2010 [3 favorites]
Plushy Porn parody of Saw.
FTFY.
Plushy Porn parody of Saw starring Dustin "Screech" Diamond and the voice of Fran Drescher.
FTFY.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 2:17 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
FTFY.
Plushy Porn parody of Saw starring Dustin "Screech" Diamond and the voice of Fran Drescher.
FTFY.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 2:17 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
Porn parody of The Room starring once again, Tommy Wiseau. As in the original, the same sex scene is repeated multiple times. Instant cult-favorite.
Oh, hi, Penis!
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 2:18 PM on October 29, 2010 [4 favorites]
Oh, hi, Penis!
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 2:18 PM on October 29, 2010 [4 favorites]
I'm trying to think of something that seems like a worse idea than this. I am failing.
Serious, nonparodical porn version of Grave of the Fireflies.
Along similar lines,
Neon Pornesis Sexangelion.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 2:21 PM on October 29, 2010
Serious, nonparodical porn version of Grave of the Fireflies.
Along similar lines,
Neon Pornesis Sexangelion.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 2:21 PM on October 29, 2010
The Great Muppet Raper.
The Muppets Take Man Hard-On.
Also:
The Critique of Pure Squeezin'
The Clit Tweak of Perv Skeezin'.
I should try to get a job doing these.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:25 PM on October 29, 2010 [2 favorites]
The Muppets Take Man Hard-On.
Also:
The Critique of Pure Squeezin'
The Clit Tweak of Perv Skeezin'.
I should try to get a job doing these.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:25 PM on October 29, 2010 [2 favorites]
Brian Yuzna's Hot Wet Society Orgy
posted by Senor Cardgage at 2:26 PM on October 29, 2010
posted by Senor Cardgage at 2:26 PM on October 29, 2010
Milo and Onan
posted by emelenjr at 2:30 PM on October 29, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by emelenjr at 2:30 PM on October 29, 2010 [2 favorites]
Scott Pilgrim vs. The World...'s Biggest Men. Still with Michael Cera.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 2:32 PM on October 29, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 2:32 PM on October 29, 2010 [3 favorites]
I hate clicking the links in bug posts, but I would rather watch a Praying Mantis with a camel spider hanging off its balls spear a hummingbird while it shit tick covered tape worms, than click any of these links.
posted by FunkyHelix at 2:35 PM on October 29, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by FunkyHelix at 2:35 PM on October 29, 2010 [2 favorites]
The Faulkner Collection: Intruder in her Bust, Poundin' the Furry, As I Lay Diane, The Bear.
posted by gordie at 2:35 PM on October 29, 2010 [4 favorites]
posted by gordie at 2:35 PM on October 29, 2010 [4 favorites]
Obviously none of you have read the script for The Treaty of Westphilia
posted by Ufez Jones at 2:35 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Ufez Jones at 2:35 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
Transporners 2: Revenge of the Flaccid. With Shia LeBeouf stammering his way through repeated bouts of intercourse.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 2:36 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 2:36 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
Man on Wire XXX.
posted by shakespeherian at 2:38 PM on October 29, 2010
posted by shakespeherian at 2:38 PM on October 29, 2010
gordie: “The Faulkner Collection: Intruder in her Bust, Poundin' the Furry, As I Lay Diane, The Bear.”
Seriously, though, you've got to go for the low-hanging fruit, too: Go Down, Moses and Absalom, Absalom!
posted by koeselitz at 2:41 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
Seriously, though, you've got to go for the low-hanging fruit, too: Go Down, Moses and Absalom, Absalom!
posted by koeselitz at 2:41 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
Here's the best idea ever:
"Pornography -- a film by Ken Burns"
tell me you wouldn't watch that
posted by davejay at 2:45 PM on October 29, 2010 [16 favorites]
"Pornography -- a film by Ken Burns"
tell me you wouldn't watch that
posted by davejay at 2:45 PM on October 29, 2010 [16 favorites]
I hate clicking the links in bug posts, but I would rather watch a Praying Mantis with a camel spider hanging off its balls spear a hummingbird while it shit tick covered tape worms, than click any of these links.
Never type anything this funny ever again or I will asphyxiate.
posted by davejay at 2:46 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
Never type anything this funny ever again or I will asphyxiate.
posted by davejay at 2:46 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
Porn parody of the Critique of Pure Reason.
Not a porn parody, but a sex parody has already been done: "A Critique of Pure Semen" appearing in The Sex Life of Immanuel Kant, a fake collection of lectures purported to have been delivered by philosopher Jean- Baptiste Botul in May 1946 to a colony of neo-Kantians in Paraguay but actually a 1999 satire by French journalist Frédéric Pagès.
You can find a part of it starting on p. 18 of the September 2010 edition of Harper's.
posted by Sangermaine at 2:47 PM on October 29, 2010 [3 favorites]
Not a porn parody, but a sex parody has already been done: "A Critique of Pure Semen" appearing in The Sex Life of Immanuel Kant, a fake collection of lectures purported to have been delivered by philosopher Jean- Baptiste Botul in May 1946 to a colony of neo-Kantians in Paraguay but actually a 1999 satire by French journalist Frédéric Pagès.
You can find a part of it starting on p. 18 of the September 2010 edition of Harper's.
posted by Sangermaine at 2:47 PM on October 29, 2010 [3 favorites]
When the porn movie-within-a-movie Logjammin' is shown in this movie, the scene plays out fully instead of just being alluded to and shown for a few seconds.
Does he fix their cable?
posted by ecurtz at 2:49 PM on October 29, 2010 [4 favorites]
Does he fix their cable?
posted by ecurtz at 2:49 PM on October 29, 2010 [4 favorites]
Porn parody of Debbie Does Dallas.
posted by humanfont at 2:50 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by humanfont at 2:50 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
Rick Steves' Glory Holes of Old Europe.
posted by Combustible Edison Lighthouse at 2:53 PM on October 29, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by Combustible Edison Lighthouse at 2:53 PM on October 29, 2010 [3 favorites]
"Pornography -- a film by Ken Burns"
s/by/with/
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 2:53 PM on October 29, 2010
s/by/with/
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 2:53 PM on October 29, 2010
Porn parody of the Critique of Pure Reason.
"Immanuelle"
posted by chavenet at 2:58 PM on October 29, 2010 [6 favorites]
"Immanuelle"
posted by chavenet at 2:58 PM on October 29, 2010 [6 favorites]
Subtitle: Through the back door!
Man, you don't even have to make some of this stuff up.
posted by heyho at 2:59 PM on October 29, 2010
Man, you don't even have to make some of this stuff up.
posted by heyho at 2:59 PM on October 29, 2010
Rick Steves' Glory Holes of Old Europe.
Well if we're going down that road
Good Feets
This Old Cock
Property Virgins
Whore Hunters and Whore Hunters International
Holmes In Holmes
Man Versus Poon
Bare-Assed Contessa
Nigella Fucks
Meteor-Tight Men
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 3:01 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
Well if we're going down that road
Good Feets
This Old Cock
Whore Hunters and Whore Hunters International
Holmes In Holmes
Man Versus Poon
Bare-Assed Contessa
Nigella Fucks
Meteor-Tight Men
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 3:01 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
Porn parody of the Critique of Pure Reason.
"Immanuelle"
Wouldn't that be "Emmanuelle Kant"?
posted by Forktine at 3:03 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
"Immanuelle"
Wouldn't that be "Emmanuelle Kant"?
posted by Forktine at 3:03 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
Rick Steves' Glory Holes of Old Europe.
Well if we're going down that road...
Somehow, I don't think Antiques Roadshow would actually catch on.
posted by hippybear at 3:04 PM on October 29, 2010
Well if we're going down that road...
Somehow, I don't think Antiques Roadshow would actually catch on.
posted by hippybear at 3:04 PM on October 29, 2010
Dammit. Antiques Loadshow.
I can't even make a joke without my fingers betraying me.
posted by hippybear at 3:05 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
I can't even make a joke without my fingers betraying me.
posted by hippybear at 3:05 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
Deep Inside Camille Paglia
Glenn Beck's Hemorrhoidectomy: Uncensored
9 1/2 Weeks 2010, still with Mickey Rourke
Deep Nostril
Colostomy Lovin'
You think you're ready for Halloween? I WILL GIVE YOU TRUE HORROR
posted by Halloween Jack at 3:05 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
Glenn Beck's Hemorrhoidectomy: Uncensored
9 1/2 Weeks 2010, still with Mickey Rourke
Deep Nostril
Colostomy Lovin'
You think you're ready for Halloween? I WILL GIVE YOU TRUE HORROR
posted by Halloween Jack at 3:05 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
I'm trying to think of something that seems like a worse idea than this. I am failing.
Non-porn, very serious Oscar bait version of Deep Throat
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:09 PM on October 29, 2010
Non-porn, very serious Oscar bait version of Deep Throat
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:09 PM on October 29, 2010
Genes X(XX)
posted by chinesefood at 3:11 PM on October 29, 2010
posted by chinesefood at 3:11 PM on October 29, 2010
Porn parody of the Critique of Pure Reason.
"Immanuelle"
Wouldn't that be "Emmanuelle Kant"?
Oh, but Emmanuelle can! And does.
But Immanuelle Kant.
posted by chavenet at 3:14 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
"Immanuelle"
Wouldn't that be "Emmanuelle Kant"?
Oh, but Emmanuelle can! And does.
But Immanuelle Kant.
posted by chavenet at 3:14 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
They only needed to change one vowel to get the perfect title.
posted by sourwookie at 3:21 PM on October 29, 2010
posted by sourwookie at 3:21 PM on October 29, 2010
Combustible Edison Lighthouse: "I'm trying to think of something that seems like a worse idea than this. I am failing.
Harold and Maude XX"
That's just your typical German Granny Porn.
posted by symbioid at 3:28 PM on October 29, 2010
Harold and Maude XX"
That's just your typical German Granny Porn.
posted by symbioid at 3:28 PM on October 29, 2010
The Card Cheat: "I was going to say a porn version of Metamorphosis, but there's probably an animated version from Japan by now"
it's called genkigenki (you can google it, i ain't linking it)
posted by symbioid at 3:31 PM on October 29, 2010
it's called genkigenki (you can google it, i ain't linking it)
posted by symbioid at 3:31 PM on October 29, 2010
Danf: "Sheet Music
Notated scores from your porn favorites"
I think you meant Skeet Music.
posted by graventy at 3:34 PM on October 29, 2010
Notated scores from your porn favorites"
I think you meant Skeet Music.
posted by graventy at 3:34 PM on October 29, 2010
> "Pornography -- a film by Ken Burns"... tell me you wouldn't watch that
Meh. It'd be 8 hours of slow pans over stained and torn Playboy pages while some old guys talk about trying to hide them from their moms back in the day. All while mournful fiddle music plays.
posted by ardgedee at 3:37 PM on October 29, 2010 [10 favorites]
Meh. It'd be 8 hours of slow pans over stained and torn Playboy pages while some old guys talk about trying to hide them from their moms back in the day. All while mournful fiddle music plays.
posted by ardgedee at 3:37 PM on October 29, 2010 [10 favorites]
Porn parody of pornography. It's just the dialogue.
You joke (and reference "PG Porn"), but this actually exists. A few years ago, a few friends and I thought it'd be funny to have a "Stuff Straight People Like" night, and get drunk on cheap beer and bourbon while watching Pirates.
I brought the beer (Natty, which was a bad experience in and of itself), while the other guys ran into the video store to rent the movie. After watching about 40 minutes of foreplay and no sex, I finally grabbed the DVD case, and noticed a PG-13 rating on the bottom.... The film's producers actually made a version with all the sex removed. It was one of the most singularly painful pieces of cinema that I've ever watched (and I've seen the Star Wars Christmas Special).
posted by schmod at 3:38 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
You joke (and reference "PG Porn"), but this actually exists. A few years ago, a few friends and I thought it'd be funny to have a "Stuff Straight People Like" night, and get drunk on cheap beer and bourbon while watching Pirates.
I brought the beer (Natty, which was a bad experience in and of itself), while the other guys ran into the video store to rent the movie. After watching about 40 minutes of foreplay and no sex, I finally grabbed the DVD case, and noticed a PG-13 rating on the bottom.... The film's producers actually made a version with all the sex removed. It was one of the most singularly painful pieces of cinema that I've ever watched (and I've seen the Star Wars Christmas Special).
posted by schmod at 3:38 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
FunkyHelix: "I hate clicking the links in bug posts, but I would rather watch a Praying Mantis with a camel spider hanging off its balls spear a hummingbird while it shit tick covered tape worms, than click any of these links"
What about listening to "Staple Tapeworms to my Penis"
posted by symbioid at 3:40 PM on October 29, 2010
What about listening to "Staple Tapeworms to my Penis"
posted by symbioid at 3:40 PM on October 29, 2010
Erectionhead
Blew Velvet
Doin'
Wild Ass Heart
Twink Freaks: Fire Cock With Me
Lust Highway
Muffholland Dive
Intercourse Empire
posted by arto at 3:47 PM on October 29, 2010 [3 favorites]
Blew Velvet
Doin'
Wild Ass Heart
Twink Freaks: Fire Cock With Me
Lust Highway
Muffholland Dive
Intercourse Empire
posted by arto at 3:47 PM on October 29, 2010 [3 favorites]
On the Origin of Species by Means of Hard Pounding, or the Preservation of Favoured Poolboys in the Struggle for Tail
posted by otolith at 3:48 PM on October 29, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by otolith at 3:48 PM on October 29, 2010 [3 favorites]
Oh, but Emmanuelle can! And does.
The horse jerk-off scene was an eye opener for me, the first time I saw it.
posted by Forktine at 4:12 PM on October 29, 2010
The horse jerk-off scene was an eye opener for me, the first time I saw it.
posted by Forktine at 4:12 PM on October 29, 2010
Vin Diesel and Ice Cube in xXx + xXx XXX.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 4:37 PM on October 29, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by ricochet biscuit at 4:37 PM on October 29, 2010 [2 favorites]
Big Black Beauty.
posted by emhutchinson at 4:39 PM on October 29, 2010
posted by emhutchinson at 4:39 PM on October 29, 2010
Cumming Home
posted by pianomover at 4:40 PM on October 29, 2010
posted by pianomover at 4:40 PM on October 29, 2010
The 400 blow....jobs
posted by pianomover at 4:42 PM on October 29, 2010
posted by pianomover at 4:42 PM on October 29, 2010
The Firm
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 4:46 PM on October 29, 2010
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 4:46 PM on October 29, 2010
> "Pornography -- a film by Ken Burns"... tell me you wouldn't watch thatno, it'd be an 8 hour HBO series with slow pans over stained and torn pictures of women with pubic hair with Garrison Keillor voiceover:
Meh. It'd be 8 hours of slow pans over stained and torn Playboy pages while some old guys talk about trying to hide them from their moms back in the day. All while mournful fiddle music plays.
"Dear Penthouse, I never thought that it would happen to me, but one night, my best friend's wife said ...
Joe 'Back Porch Swing' Daniels,
July 1975"
posted by bl1nk at 4:58 PM on October 29, 2010 [3 favorites]
I am very embarrassed to admit that half-way through I was thinking "hey, isn't that Tom Byron playing the doctor?" and was subsequently proven right.
Here, let me help.
Not only did I know right away it was Tom Byron playing the doctor, I was thinking to myself "Holy shit, Tom Byron has facial expressions. Who knew?"
also:
Bukkakelips Now
posted by louche mustachio at 6:32 PM on October 29, 2010 [2 favorites]
I'd be tempted to say a horrible idea would be a porn-parody of Terminator prequel (in spirit at least) WestWorld, which did feature a homicidal robots killing their creators hunting down the protagonists, but the porn parody SexWorld is widely regarded as one of the best porn movies ever made. Not best porn parody, but best porn movie. They took WestWorld's idea and ran with it where WestWorld was too chickenshit to go, and in that golden age of porn they did it with real writers and a nonzero budget and actual film and today the porn parody is probably more widely seen than the original film.
posted by localroger at 6:49 PM on October 29, 2010
posted by localroger at 6:49 PM on October 29, 2010
Heh. Just picturing the guys who choose porn film names being told to do parodies of these titles, and raging at their, um, impotence:
Driving Miss Daisy
Rear Window
Some Like It Hot
Sin City
Snatch
The Wild Bunch
A Streetcar Named Desire
posted by Hardcore Poser at 6:52 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
Driving Miss Daisy
Rear Window
Some Like It Hot
Sin City
Snatch
The Wild Bunch
A Streetcar Named Desire
posted by Hardcore Poser at 6:52 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
The MatriXXX
(If its been done, I don't want to know)
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 6:56 PM on October 29, 2010
(If its been done, I don't want to know)
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 6:56 PM on October 29, 2010
Deep Inside Camille Paglia
Glenn Beck's Hemorrhoidectomy: Uncensored
9 1/2 Weeks 2010, still with Mickey Rourke
Deep Nostril
Colostomy Lovin'
You think you're ready for Halloween? I WILL GIVE YOU TRUE HORROR
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:05 PM on October 29
eponysterical
posted by liza at 7:04 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
Glenn Beck's Hemorrhoidectomy: Uncensored
9 1/2 Weeks 2010, still with Mickey Rourke
Deep Nostril
Colostomy Lovin'
You think you're ready for Halloween? I WILL GIVE YOU TRUE HORROR
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:05 PM on October 29
eponysterical
posted by liza at 7:04 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
Heh. Just picturing the guys who choose porn film names being told to do parodies of these titles, and raging at their, um, impotence:
Driving Miss Daisy
Rear Window
Some Like It Hot
Sin City
Snatch
The Wild Bunch
A Streetcar Named Desire
Child's play...
Nailing Miss Daisy
Ass Widow
Some Like It Hot And Spurting
Sin Slutty
Snasty
The Rigid Bunch
A Streecar Named Smack My Ass, Big Boy
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:30 PM on October 29, 2010
Driving Miss Daisy
Rear Window
Some Like It Hot
Sin City
Snatch
The Wild Bunch
A Streetcar Named Desire
Child's play...
Nailing Miss Daisy
Ass Widow
Some Like It Hot And Spurting
Sin Slutty
Snasty
The Rigid Bunch
A Streecar Named Smack My Ass, Big Boy
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:30 PM on October 29, 2010
The Loin King
posted by A dead Quaker at 7:53 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by A dead Quaker at 7:53 PM on October 29, 2010 [1 favorite]
So, who here is going to review this thread in 6 months and see how much free brainstorming (of cringeworthyness, but that never stopped a porn producer) ends up being produced?
If there are a substantial number (deity save us all) of these suggestions made into films, I would deem that worthy of a sidebar.
(note: I'm not volunteering myself)
posted by el io at 8:18 PM on October 29, 2010
If there are a substantial number (deity save us all) of these suggestions made into films, I would deem that worthy of a sidebar.
(note: I'm not volunteering myself)
posted by el io at 8:18 PM on October 29, 2010
I look forward to the next PBS pledge drive with Ken Burns' Pornography 8 part miniseries.
posted by humanfont at 8:58 PM on October 29, 2010
posted by humanfont at 8:58 PM on October 29, 2010
Heh. Just picturing the guys who choose porn film names being told to do parodies of these titles, and raging at their, um, impotence:
Driving Miss Daisy
A friend's ex was furious when, having seen a promo for Moonstruck that featured Nicholas Cage howling in anguish at a moon, he was unpleasantly surprised to discover it wasn't a werewolf flick.
posted by rodgerd at 9:27 PM on October 29, 2010
Driving Miss Daisy
A friend's ex was furious when, having seen a promo for Moonstruck that featured Nicholas Cage howling in anguish at a moon, he was unpleasantly surprised to discover it wasn't a werewolf flick.
posted by rodgerd at 9:27 PM on October 29, 2010
When Bunny offers to blow The Dude for a thousand dollars IT ACTUALLY HAPPENS. That was fun for about five seconds.
But does Brandt get to watch?
Holmes In Holmes
I wrote an elaborate Holmes on Hos piece once. The show is basically cuckold porn already, so it wasn't that much of a stretch.
Street Barely Legal
Katts And Doggystyle
Lick It Up!
Angela's Anaconda
The Passionate Brown-Eye
Spanker's Corner
Rode In Avonlea
This Hour Has Seven Lays
The Beachcummers
COCKCO
Cornered Ass
Wank With Yan
Lang & O'Leary Exchange Fluids
North of 69
Theodore Tugjob
Peeing Things
SCATV
Banging Erica
Wind Up My Crack
Good, Cock's In Tonite
Mr. Dressoff
Degrassi: The Next Insemination
On The Choad Again
Screech For The Top
The Really Friendly Giant
You Can't Do That On Stella, Ian
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:25 PM on October 29, 2010 [3 favorites]
But does Brandt get to watch?
Holmes In Holmes
I wrote an elaborate Holmes on Hos piece once. The show is basically cuckold porn already, so it wasn't that much of a stretch.
Street Barely Legal
Katts And Doggystyle
Lick It Up!
Angela's Anaconda
The Passionate Brown-Eye
Spanker's Corner
Rode In Avonlea
This Hour Has Seven Lays
The Beachcummers
COCKCO
Cornered Ass
Wank With Yan
Lang & O'Leary Exchange Fluids
North of 69
Theodore Tugjob
Peeing Things
SCATV
Banging Erica
Wind Up My Crack
Good, Cock's In Tonite
Mr. Dressoff
Degrassi: The Next Insemination
On The Choad Again
Screech For The Top
The Really Friendly Giant
You Can't Do That On Stella, Ian
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:25 PM on October 29, 2010 [3 favorites]
Watching that trailer was a revelation for me, because it made me realise that I'd be a great porn actor, but only because of my acting skills, not the whole "doing sex on camera" bit. I'm far too shy and sensitive for that.
posted by Decani at 2:24 AM on October 30, 2010
posted by Decani at 2:24 AM on October 30, 2010
You Can't Do That On Stella, Ian
Not "You Can't Do That On Telly Savalas"?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:48 AM on October 30, 2010 [2 favorites]
Not "You Can't Do That On Telly Savalas"?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:48 AM on October 30, 2010 [2 favorites]
Actually, I think the real title was Riding Miss Daisy. It came out around the same time as A River Runs Through Her. The best, though, was the parody of the Tom Cruise lawyer movie. The porn title? The Firm.
posted by Ghidorah at 8:34 AM on October 30, 2010
posted by Ghidorah at 8:34 AM on October 30, 2010
Here's another review of The Human Sexipede - look like an cool parody.
posted by Geoffk at 11:47 AM on October 30, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Geoffk at 11:47 AM on October 30, 2010 [1 favorite]
I'm sorry, nothing comes close to Shaving Ryan's Privates.
posted by londonmark at 9:51 PM on October 29 [2 favorites +] [!]
I quite like In Diana Jones.
posted by jonnyploy at 2:06 PM on October 30, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by londonmark at 9:51 PM on October 29 [2 favorites +] [!]
I quite like In Diana Jones.
posted by jonnyploy at 2:06 PM on October 30, 2010 [1 favorite]
Crocodile Blondee
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 10:56 AM on October 31, 2010
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 10:56 AM on October 31, 2010
Everybody Does Raymond.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 12:52 PM on October 31, 2010
posted by ricochet biscuit at 12:52 PM on October 31, 2010
NPR: This American Wife, Backseat Car Talk, A Prarie Home ...
posted by zippy at 5:12 PM on October 31, 2010
posted by zippy at 5:12 PM on October 31, 2010
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posted by Cool Papa Bell at 1:20 PM on October 29, 2010 [15 favorites]