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Elegance
November 27, 2010 1:22 PM   Subscribe

The problem of beer. "Since beer bottles are not (usually) pathological or “wild” spheres, but smooth manifolds, they separate 3-space into two non-communicating regions: inside, containing beer, and outside, containing you. This state must not remain."
posted by MuadDib (54 comments total) 18 users marked this as a favorite

 
If only I was dumber/had more money.
posted by ZaneJ. at 1:26 PM on November 27, 2010


What if my beer is already in an Acme Klein Bottle?
posted by madcaptenor at 1:35 PM on November 27, 2010


(Should have previewed. Acme Klein Bottle.)
posted by madcaptenor at 1:36 PM on November 27, 2010


The problem of beer is that it is in a bottle and not in me.

I have an elegant solution to this problem as well, although it becomes increasingly inelegant the more rapidly and frequently it is solved.
posted by louche mustachio at 1:36 PM on November 27, 2010 [15 favorites]


$78 for a friggin' bottle opener?

WANT.
posted by unSane at 1:36 PM on November 27, 2010


I keep a big honkin' 70s bottle opener for the purposes of opening beer. Honestly, it's more opener than I need, but we all deserve a few unnecessary luxuries.
posted by i_have_a_computer at 1:57 PM on November 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


Does Pepsi Blue come in bottles?
posted by chillmost at 2:10 PM on November 27, 2010


I love my beer bottle opener. It's this ancient, rusty wire of an opener that has "Drink Coca Cola" stamped on it.
I found it in the bottom of my grandfather's old toolbox, which I inherited when he died in the early 90's.
posted by chococat at 2:17 PM on November 27, 2010 [2 favorites]


My first reaction was that I might just be able to clear the $78 hurdle on a cool day while feeling spry. After clicking some more this is good. The "Crystal Shop" section isn't what I expected from the name. Amongst the offerings is what he calls a "Pocket Buckyball Light"
This keychain features a buckyball (C60) inside a buckytube. Carbons, bonds, are all delicately detailed in high-resolution laser marks.
This keychain has a long-lasting blue LED, replaceable battery, and split keyring. The crystal is 30 x 20 x 15mm.
$16 for two. I'll happily be a shill for that.
posted by vapidave at 2:18 PM on November 27, 2010


what unSane said
posted by runehog at 2:26 PM on November 27, 2010


Never drink beer from a bottle or a can. Always drink beer from a cask. Demand the best. Because you're worth it.
posted by Decani at 2:27 PM on November 27, 2010


The best way to open a beer bottle is with either a lighter, the edge of the kitchen countertop, or a swift karate-chop across the cap.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 2:28 PM on November 27, 2010 [3 favorites]


From the kleinbottle site.

As an alternative to buying an Acme Klein Bottle, you can save money by just memorizing this set of parametric equations, since it defines the surface of every Klein Bottle.:

x = cos(u)*(cos(u/2)*(sqrt_2+cos(v))+(sin(u/2)*sin(v)*cos(v)))

y = sin(u)*(cos(u/2)*(sqrt_2+cos(v))+(sin(u/2)*sin(v)*cos(v)))

z = -1*sin(u/2)*(sqrt_2+cos(v))+cos(u/2)*sin(v)*cos(v)


This made me chuckle
posted by itsjustanalias at 2:33 PM on November 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


Hey! It's Bathsheba! She likes Rhino. So do I!
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 2:37 PM on November 27, 2010


The best way to open a beer bottle is with either a lighter, the edge of the kitchen countertop, or a swift karate-chop across the cap.

Nonsense. The best way to open any bottled beverage is with sabrage.
posted by dersins at 2:37 PM on November 27, 2010 [3 favorites]


I keep a big honkin' 70s bottle opener for the purposes of opening beer. Honestly, it's more opener than I need, but we all deserve a few unnecessary luxuries.

My bottle opener has the Romulan bird-logo thing on it, and says Romulan Ale. It is lovely and useful.
posted by Greg Nog at 2:38 PM on November 27, 2010


How could I have forgotten the sabers.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 2:42 PM on November 27, 2010


Bottle opener thread! I use one of these, though mine is green.
posted by 0xdeadc0de at 2:54 PM on November 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


$78 for a church key? C'mon.

My church key has a wood handle painted white handle with the Duvel emblem and crest on each side, and I brought it back from the brewery.
posted by paisley henosis at 2:55 PM on November 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


Reminds me of these neat wine carafes.
posted by carsonb at 3:00 PM on November 27, 2010


$78 for a church key? C'mon.

Why do people keep saying shit like this? It's not a fucking $78 one of these, for chrissakes. It's 78 bucks for a piece of decorative art that also performs a function.

Whether you like it as piece of decorative art is a matter of personal opinion, and whether you would personally choose to spend the money on something decorative is also a personal choice, but the price is not inherently unreasonable.
posted by dersins at 3:01 PM on November 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


Beer is not the problem. Beer is the solution.
posted by the painkiller at 3:02 PM on November 27, 2010


dersins: Why do people keep saying shit like this? It's not a fucking $78 one of these, for chrissakes. It's 78 bucks for a piece of decorative art that also performs a function.

Whether you like it as piece of decorative art is a matter of personal opinion, and whether you would personally choose to spend the money on something decorative is also a personal choice, but the price is not inherently unreasonable.


Right, sure, but pretty much *anything* can be used to open a beer bottle; there aren't a ton of objects in your house, decorative or non-, that could not possibly open a beer.

Maybe it's just me, but marketing it as a bottle opener makes me want it less than if it were the same exact thing marketed as an object d'art.
posted by paisley henosis at 3:05 PM on November 27, 2010


marketing it as a bottle opener makes me want it less than if it were the same exact thing marketed as an object d'art.

The fact that it's a bottle opener is the only thing that makes me want it.
posted by unSane at 3:08 PM on November 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


Frankly, I wasn't really able to follow the whole spheres and manifolds thing, and that object's form sorta' eclipses its function. But if I read the conclusion right, I approve.

Also, like chococat and paisley henosis, my rusty old, tin church key works just fine, thanks.
posted by fartknocker at 3:09 PM on November 27, 2010


I really like this. And yet, $78 will buy a lot of beer in twist-off cap bottles.
posted by The otter lady at 3:17 PM on November 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


Fascinating and lovely work - thanks for posting this! If only I wasn't so broke ...
posted by Quietgal at 3:18 PM on November 27, 2010


The rest of this guy's stuff is pretty awesome.

There has to be a huge one of these somewhere. I bet it lights up. Where!
posted by cmoj at 3:24 PM on November 27, 2010


This is totally Pepsi Blue, a direct commercial link to something for sale.

And, you know what? It's awesome. What a neat site. I fear browsing further, lest my wallet be damaged.
posted by Malor at 3:26 PM on November 27, 2010


My reaction to this is the same as to "funny" math tee-shirts (e.g. "what part of blah, blah, blah don't you understand"). That is, I assume the owner just wants a conversation piece that gives them an opportunuity to show how smart they are. Yes, I understand this isn't a fair generalization, yet except for its mathiness, it doesn't strike me as very attractive.
posted by TheShadowKnows at 3:46 PM on November 27, 2010


Must be nice to be able to afford a bottle opener. I just smash top of the bottle against a nearby train trestle or highway overpass and drink from the jagged neck.
posted by Ad hominem at 4:03 PM on November 27, 2010 [5 favorites]


The problem with beer is that you can't buy it, you only can borrow it.
posted by Namlit at 4:25 PM on November 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


The interesting aspect to me is that it looks to be run off on a 3d printer. I wonder what the print-cost is somewhere like shapeways, because I suspect anyone with a CAD package could replicate this as a free file fairly easily, and push the price towards the manufacturing cost.
posted by Leon at 4:34 PM on November 27, 2010


If you buy some paint they will give you a bottle opener for free. I just made the connection but I think this is why I enjoy painting so much.

That said, I would probably buy a thing like this if I didn't already have bottle openers up the yin-yang ('cause I just bought an old dumpy house that needs a lot of painting, right?), and yes, it would probably be mostly to show off my complete nerdiness.
posted by padraigin at 4:43 PM on November 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


Here's a description of how she makes these objects.
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 4:51 PM on November 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


It's 78 bucks for a piece of decorative art that also performs a function.

It's still too much.
posted by jonmc at 4:54 PM on November 27, 2010


I don't know anything about art, but I know what I like.


I like beer.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:03 PM on November 27, 2010


That'll be a nice match for my Möbius strip can opener and Dini's Surface corkscrew.
posted by 445supermag at 5:10 PM on November 27, 2010


so what I'm hearing here is there's a market for beer sold in glass spheres.
posted by boo_radley at 5:12 PM on November 27, 2010


This is good and I regret that I cannot afford it for my mathematician partner.
posted by entropone at 5:56 PM on November 27, 2010


The most elegant way to open a bottle of beer is with another bottle of beer. There is nothing more minimal.

Except having only one beer, which should never happen anyhow.
posted by anthill at 7:01 PM on November 27, 2010


Except having only one beer, which should never happen anyhow.

My life is structured around never ever having only one beer unless there is a full bottle of gin nearby.
posted by unSane at 7:55 PM on November 27, 2010


Id rather use my elbow.
posted by hal_c_on at 8:21 PM on November 27, 2010


I'm having a problem wrapping my head around this Klein Bottle thing.
posted by Splunge at 8:21 PM on November 27, 2010


Or the other way around.
posted by Splunge at 8:22 PM on November 27, 2010


I got a Klein Bottle Opener on my last birthday. Much to my delight, it's by far the nicest, easiest church key I've ever used. It's not just math; it's not just art; it's a well-crafted functional tool. Totally worth it.

I also have an Acme Klein Bottle beer mug, but I never actually use it. That thing is a bitch to clean; you can never get the soap in or the last dregs of beer out.
posted by erniepan at 9:00 PM on November 27, 2010


I have one of Bathsheba Grossman's other pieces, and it's an awesome piece of mathematical art. I was (pleasantly) surprised to discover that it has a subtle ringing feeling as you hold it because the metal structure is delicate enough to vibrate a bit.

Leon: shapeways appears to charge $10/ml for steel. The bottle opener is 3" tall. Let's say it's 3" x 2" x 2" = 196ml. If it's 90% empty space, that's $196 for a print from them.
posted by aneel at 9:23 PM on November 27, 2010


I don't have the problem of beer. I have the beer, no problem.
posted by DaddyNewt at 11:29 PM on November 27, 2010


I actually think this is pretty neat, although I don't think I could justify spending that much on a bottle opener. I have more bottle openers than one person needs. When you see beer reps on a regular basis, you're going to eventually end up with a large collection of bottle openers. The coolest openers can be found in antique shops. They're pretty much everywhere you look if you go to an antique mall and they usually aren't too pricey.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 11:54 PM on November 27, 2010


I'm having a problem wrapping my head around this Klein Bottle thing.

Thank me later.
posted by Pickman's Next Top Model at 7:42 AM on November 28, 2010


I'm kind of surprised that 3D printing can produce something with that many holes that is strong enough to open a bottle.
posted by smackfu at 6:04 AM on November 29, 2010


My bottle opener is in the shape of a football. It shouts "GOOOOOAAAALLLL!!!!" every time I open a bottle.
posted by salmacis at 7:37 AM on November 29, 2010


It's good to have goals.
posted by Splunge at 1:24 PM on November 29, 2010


I have the ubiquitous (in Canada) Simpsons one that has Homer yelling 'Oh, yes!"
posted by unSane at 2:08 PM on November 29, 2010


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