Brian Blessed with LIVEN UP YOUR SATNAV, GORDON!

December 11, 2010 5:39 AM

After a 25,000 vote campaign on facebook, Brian Blessed is now available as a downloadable voice for TomTom GPS devices. Fortunately, the resounding actor's excited acceptance speech only shattered windows for three city blocks.
posted by BZArcher (76 comments total)

myth the fallen lords?
posted by rxrfrx at 5:46 AM on December 11, 2010

For a bit of background, Brian Blessed played the character Éowyn in the Lord of the Rings, and was the replacement Dumbledore after Richard Harris died.
posted by KokuRyu at 5:48 AM on December 11, 2010 [12 favorites]

myth the fallen lords?

Perhaps, but at least you won't myth your exit.
posted by condour75 at 5:54 AM on December 11, 2010 [6 favorites]

Also King Richard in 1st season Blackadder, epic winged guy in Flash Gordon and all around badass.
posted by Dr Dracator at 5:54 AM on December 11, 2010 [3 favorites]

This is the first time I have ever been tempted to buy a gps.
posted by ardgedee at 5:56 AM on December 11, 2010 [3 favorites]

was the replacement Dumbledore after Richard Harris died

Did you tell Michael Gambon?
posted by CarlRossi at 5:58 AM on December 11, 2010 [6 favorites]

I'm pretty sure Eowyn was played by Miranda Otto. Gimli was Jonathan Rhys-Davies, not Brian Blessed. Brian Blessed is rumored to be involved in The Hobbit.

/comic book guy
posted by sciurus at 6:03 AM on December 11, 2010

The correct spelling of "Brian Blessed" is actually BRIAN BLESSED!!

Also, everybody should watch this (and then the rest of the parts). IMMEDIATELY.
posted by fight or flight at 6:03 AM on December 11, 2010 [14 favorites]

"Drive!"
posted by Tenuki at 6:04 AM on December 11, 2010 [6 favorites]

One of the samples on the page is actually Blessed encouraging you to "DEPART! MAKE HASTE! ONWARD AND UPWARDS!"

If I owned a TomTom, I think he'd have to be the voice of choice.
posted by BZArcher at 6:12 AM on December 11, 2010

Brian Blessed, god amongst men.

Every year or so I try and re-watch Flash Gordon on Boxing Day afternoon....
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 6:26 AM on December 11, 2010

I'm pretty sure Eowyn was played by Miranda Otto. Gimli was Jonathan Rhys-Davies, not Brian Blessed. Brian Blessed is rumored to be involved in The Hobbit.

Bless.(ed)
posted by biffa at 6:26 AM on December 11, 2010

Brian Blessed played the character Éowyn in the Lord of the Rings

That's quite the digital corset they squeezed him into.
posted by gimonca at 6:27 AM on December 11, 2010 [7 favorites]

CALAMITY!

And here he is doing the snooker.
posted by rog at 6:28 AM on December 11, 2010 [5 favorites]

If people on the blue are somehow justified in not knowing who LeBron James is, I am certainly justified in not knowing who the fuck Brian Blessed is and why I should care about this.

Also, there's no way he's Eowyn, Eowyn is a woman.
posted by King Bee at 6:28 AM on December 11, 2010 [1 favorite]

I believe that Brian Blessed wakes up every day and thinks to himself "I am Brian Blessed!" and knowing this makes him even happier every single day just as it should.
posted by Saydur at 6:31 AM on December 11, 2010 [13 favorites]

Brian Sings!
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 6:32 AM on December 11, 2010

HAWKMEN! TURN REEEEEEYYYYIIIIIGGGGHHHT!
posted by PenDevil at 6:40 AM on December 11, 2010 [2 favorites]

Could you imagine Brian Blessed on CAPS LOCK DAY? He'd either be a god amongst men, or completely confused.
posted by eriko at 6:42 AM on December 11, 2010 [3 favorites]

Why is Brian Blessed ... sorry, BRIAN BLESSED ... awesome?

"Tennis balls, my liege."
posted by grabbingsand at 6:42 AM on December 11, 2010 [3 favorites]

Brian Blessed played the character Éowyn in the Lord of the Rings

I would love to see that!
posted by MegoSteve at 6:43 AM on December 11, 2010

Uh, guys? KokoRyu is joking.
posted by The Bellman at 6:43 AM on December 11, 2010 [1 favorite]

Brian Sings, again!
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 6:44 AM on December 11, 2010 [1 favorite]

IS THERE ANYONE IN THIS CAR WHO HAS NOT SLEPT WITH MY DAUGHTER?!?
posted by Capt. Renault at 6:46 AM on December 11, 2010 [5 favorites]

I wish I lived in a universe where Brian was Dumbledore (or Hagrid at a pinch) 'YOU'RE A WIZARD HARRRRRYYYYYYY!!!!!!'
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 6:47 AM on December 11, 2010 [3 favorites]

I want a TomTom now.

(Also, as those of us who are addicted to QI know, Brian Blessed is also a genuinely amazing human being.)
posted by kalimac at 6:50 AM on December 11, 2010 [1 favorite]

Actually, joking aside, he would have made a much better Slughorn in Half-Blood Prince than Jim Broadbent (despite Jim being a great actor)

(I've just re-watched the films.... I'm not that much a Potter nerd. Not that there's anything wrong with that.)
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 6:51 AM on December 11, 2010

Stephen Fry is a fan.
posted by Catfry at 6:57 AM on December 11, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'm not sure that /b/-style trolling is the done thing on MeFi...
posted by benzo8 at 7:01 AM on December 11, 2010

If they get Snoop Dog to do this I am totally buying one. "Weze here homie! Fo Shizzle."
posted by jopreacher at 7:01 AM on December 11, 2010

Brian Blessed facts continue in part two.
posted by Catfry at 7:02 AM on December 11, 2010

"Impetuous boy! You're driving the wrong way down I-95! Oh well, WHO WANTS TO LIVE FOREVER? HAHAHAHAHa
posted by smoothvirus at 7:02 AM on December 11, 2010 [16 favorites]

Voice Sample 3 on the tom tom page is awesome
posted by memebake at 7:09 AM on December 11, 2010 [1 favorite]

FRESH HORSES!
posted by sriracha at 7:12 AM on December 11, 2010 [3 favorites]

Oooh, Augustus! I guess now I'll buy a GPS.
posted by pentagoet at 7:13 AM on December 11, 2010

jopreacher, get your credit card out.
posted by katemonster at 7:17 AM on December 11, 2010

In case people didn't know, there are other voices you can buy as well. (including Star Wars Characters and Spongebob Squarepants)
posted by empath at 7:19 AM on December 11, 2010 [1 favorite]

They also have the Simpsons, Star Wars, etc....but I'm not sure if you can put any of them on a non-jailbroken iPhone....
posted by nevercalm at 7:21 AM on December 11, 2010

Brian Blessed...was the replacement Dumbledore after Richard Harris died.

Thanks for the warning. I almost clicked the link!
posted by DU at 7:22 AM on December 11, 2010

Yes, KokuRyu is just having a bit of fun. Éowyn was actually played by Taylor Negron in convincing "digital make-up," and Jerry Lewis came out of retirement to play Dumbledore.
posted by Iridic at 7:36 AM on December 11, 2010 [2 favorites]

My husband listened to the Blessed clips and said "this is the next ringtones".

And if I didn't hate spoken GPSes with the fire of a thousand deadly suns, I'd be all over this. Brian Blessed telling me to "DEPART!" and that "I HAVE ARRIVED AT MY DESTINATION, UPWARDS AND ONWARDS!" might almost be enough to fix my GPS hate.
posted by immlass at 7:39 AM on December 11, 2010

Why is Brian Blessed ... sorry, BRIAN BLESSED ... awesome?

Surely you meant:

"Therefore in fierce tempest is he coming,
In thunder and in earthquake, like a Jove,
That, if requiring fail, he will compel;"
posted by Marlinspike at 7:41 AM on December 11, 2010 [1 favorite]

SHOUTING?
posted by Artw at 7:55 AM on December 11, 2010

NAY! TIS ACTING!
posted by boo_radley at 8:00 AM on December 11, 2010 [1 favorite]

I was just playing some of these clips...my daughter just came over and asked, "Is that King Arthur?"
posted by PlusDistance at 8:14 AM on December 11, 2010 [6 favorites]

Some actors, upon seeing an exclamation point in dialogue, will increase the intensity of their performance. Some will raise their voices slightly, especially at the end, to indicate outrage, or excitement, of fear. But some will simply scream the entire sentence.

These are my favorite actors. I have taken to writing lines in all caps in my scripts to encourage this sort of behavior. Every play needs a Brian Blessed.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:20 AM on December 11, 2010 [2 favorites]

I played this for my wife. She wants a Moss from The IT Crowd voice pack.
posted by infinitewindow at 8:28 AM on December 11, 2010

Any man who has had a boxing match with the Dalai Lama is OK by me.
posted by afx237vi at 8:30 AM on December 11, 2010

My parents bought me a GPS for Hanukkah. A Garmin.

Dammit.
posted by Tomorrowful at 8:32 AM on December 11, 2010

I'm pretty sure Eowyn was played by Miranda Otto. Gimli was Jonathan Rhys-Davies, not Brian Blessed.

BRIAN BLESSED!! did have an uncredited part, though, as Mount Doom.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:02 AM on December 11, 2010 [6 favorites]

Brian says: "Turn right here. Watch out for that chicken!"
posted by victors at 9:17 AM on December 11, 2010

I've sold my car and don't ride a bike, but I dearly wish Brian Blessed's voice would guide me when I'm padding around lost. It would be so much more reassuring than stopping on the sidewalk to jab at the Google Maps app.
posted by Countess Elena at 9:27 AM on December 11, 2010

I'd like a Gilbert Gottfried GPS voice. Just sayin.
posted by bxyldy at 9:39 AM on December 11, 2010 [2 favorites]

Despite being a Brit ex-pat, I had to think for a moment (who is he?), and then I remembered his great work as Augustus in I, Claudius (the Brit TV series). Highly recommended viewing, with the excellent Derek Jacobi in the lead role. And John Hurt as Caligula!
posted by kaat at 9:54 AM on December 11, 2010

Wow, that's some super Brian Blessed energy there. If Alan Rickman does one too, then the universe would be in balance.
posted by girlhacker at 9:57 AM on December 11, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'd like Patrick Stewart.

"Engage."

"Make it so."
posted by mikeand1 at 10:05 AM on December 11, 2010 [2 favorites]

If people on the blue are somehow justified in not knowing who LeBron James is, I am certainly justified in not knowing who the fuck Brian Blessed is and why I should care about this.

The truly enlightened know both.

Now I want to see Brian Blessed as a basketball announcer.

"JAMES INBOUNDS THE BALL TO WADE AND WADE PUSHES THE BALL UPCOURT!!!!"
posted by kmz at 10:19 AM on December 11, 2010 [4 favorites]

(And man, I was totally planning a Brian Blessed FPP after watching that QI ep. Oh well.)
posted by kmz at 10:20 AM on December 11, 2010

myth the fallen lords?

Let me guess: "CASUALTY"?
posted by ersatz at 10:31 AM on December 11, 2010

DID SOMEBODY ORDER A LARGE HAM?
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:32 AM on December 11, 2010

The only thing I can think of that would be more embarrassing than having your life's most pathetic bathroom-related faux pas story narrated on the BBC would be to have that story told by Brian Blessed.
posted by Countess Elena at 10:39 AM on December 11, 2010 [2 favorites]

Tom Tom GPS, WHERE IS MY EVO??!!!
posted by Esteemed Offendi at 10:57 AM on December 11, 2010

Brian Blessed on HIGNFY. In eight parts. Here is the first.

Honestly one of the funniest things i have ever seen.
posted by Decani at 11:39 AM on December 11, 2010

Gordon's ALIVE?!
posted by JHarris at 1:35 PM on December 11, 2010 [2 favorites]

I'd like Patrick Stewart.

IIRC There's a CD of him narating Peter and the Wolf.
posted by Artw at 1:53 PM on December 11, 2010

Actually, he's done a bunch of voice work, including several games - Lands of Lore is the one that has been burned into my brain the worst.
posted by Dr Dracator at 2:35 PM on December 11, 2010

My brother just posted the link to this thread to me elsewhere on the internets. I want to thank you all now for the many links that in the near future will be enjoyed by myself, my 9 year old son, et. al. ^thank you^
posted by psylosyren at 5:18 PM on December 11, 2010

I can't believe I am the first person in this thread to confess to a gigantic crush on BRIAN BLESSED! I love his Jove-like stentorian voice and his robust form. Mwrowwwrrrrrrr!
posted by Sidhedevil at 5:46 PM on December 11, 2010

I, Claudius was the greatest part of high school Latin. Delightful.
posted by Earthtopus at 6:03 PM on December 11, 2010

Same here, though Magistra was not happy with high-school me for quoting the naughty bits at length (and full volume, though there's no way I could match Blessed).
posted by asperity at 6:47 PM on December 11, 2010

If Brian Blessed could follow me around in life, I bet I could accomplish anything.
posted by drezdn at 6:50 PM on December 11, 2010 [1 favorite]

Yeah, but, there's be that moment where he follows you into the bathroom. And you can't keep him out, he's BRIAN BLESSED!! and if you try he'll just leap through the wall Kool-Aid style. So you're there, pulling down your drawers in front of him and you just know he's going to look with quiet pity at your doodle and he starts cheering you on as you try to take a particularly unpleasant shit. CLENCH, DREZDN! YOU'VE GOT TO TRY HARDER THAN THAT! YOU HAVE TO REALLY WANT FULLY EVACUATED BOWELS! THAT'S IT! DREZDN'S ALIVE!"

And don't even get me started about when he follows you into the bedroom.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:32 PM on December 11, 2010 [7 favorites]

I own a TomTom. I listened to the sample. I would vastly prefer the voice of Bryce, from MaxHeadroom. If my TomTom had this Brian Blessed voice, I'd toss it. (As is, I anxiously await the day I can replace the thing with a proper Garmin device).
posted by Goofyy at 11:06 PM on December 12, 2010

WHY DOES THIS SOUND LIKE PATRICK STEWART DOING AN IMPRESSION OF BRIAN BLESSED

WHY WOULD MY BRAIN THINK SOMETHING LIKE THAT
posted by tehloki at 11:58 PM on December 12, 2010

I'd like Patrick Stewart.

I'd like to see Brian Blessed and Patrick Stewart in a production of Richard III.

Having thus witnessed the ultimate artistic expression of Western civilization, I could then die a happy man.
posted by armage at 4:18 AM on December 13, 2010

There's a slash joke begging to be made here, but I got nuthin'.
posted by Dr Dracator at 1:06 PM on December 13, 2010