Mom: GOONIES NEVER SAY DIE!

December 19, 2010 3:48 PM

When Parents Attack Text.
posted by Pronoiac (123 comments total)

A few months back someone (a MeFite actually) texted me and I stood on the sidewalk on 12th streer replying. I don't much care for texting so I never quite got proficient. Joey, a mid-20's co-worker saw me and said "Damn! you text like an old man." FWIW.
posted by jonmc at 3:52 PM on December 19, 2010

I don't understand the first one. That person should be happy to have such a thoughtful father. /new daddy

I really like this one a lot:
MOM: Watchya doin?
ME: Drinking. What are you doing?
MOM: Crafting my ass off
posted by NoMich at 3:54 PM on December 19, 2010 [13 favorites]

Oh god, I adore this. Thank you!
posted by tristeza at 3:55 PM on December 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

I never got a text from my mom. I don't know if she has ever sent one. Watching her text would probably be like the time I taught her to do a jell-o shot.
posted by jonmc at 3:56 PM on December 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Oddly enough, this is the first use of the "YourMom" tag on MeFi. Take from that what you will.
posted by Ufez Jones at 4:00 PM on December 19, 2010 [7 favorites]

Inevitable, yet funny.
posted by scratch at 4:02 PM on December 19, 2010

These are great, funny, strange, weird and all so very human.
posted by nomadicink at 4:02 PM on December 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

The drunk parent texting was hilarious and cringe-inducing. So many memories ...
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 4:05 PM on December 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Oh my god, I laughed at everyone of these.
posted by cazoo at 4:07 PM on December 19, 2010

Hi Mom.

BTW... since you asked... LOL does indeed mean "lots of love".

LOL

Your Son
posted by R. Mutt at 4:08 PM on December 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

i remember when my mom discovered aol instant messanger.

mom: hi joe, it's mom. just wondering how you've been doing. grandma is coming over for dinner tonight and we might see a movie. we got a lot of snow last weekend. did you get any? well, gotta run! love, mom

me: mom, i'm right here.

mom: how did you do that?!
posted by TrialByMedia at 4:10 PM on December 19, 2010 [90 favorites]

great day snowboarding. hit a deer on the way home, state trooper shot it in the head. bummer. love, dad.
posted by Halloween Jack at 4:11 PM on December 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

There are Phenomenons. It has Yet to capture, Like the occasionally Odd and. Irregular punctuation that I Receive from my Mom on a regular Basis

See? Like that!
posted by Askiba at 4:12 PM on December 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Oh wow, this really makes me glad that my parents don't have a cellphone.
posted by nevercalm at 4:16 PM on December 19, 2010

Why do I have a sinking feeling that one day one of my texts to my kids will wind up on that site?
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 4:16 PM on December 19, 2010 [6 favorites]

Alas, I lost the texts my father sent me when he accidentally turned on T9 and did not proofread.
posted by jeather at 4:17 PM on December 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Just look at that release on the Submit page... almost as if someone is preparing to write their book as we speak.
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 4:17 PM on December 19, 2010 [11 favorites]

My favorite so far:


ME: Do you know that you have an automatic signature? After every text you send this appears: )o(
DAD: That’s an ice spider
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 4:18 PM on December 19, 2010 [30 favorites]

I'm just trying to imagine the shenanigans to result from a fax-capable cellphone.
posted by kittyprecious at 4:19 PM on December 19, 2010

It's great to see other people recognizing that their parents are competent smartasses.
posted by kittyprecious at 4:23 PM on December 19, 2010 [6 favorites]

They're really missing a trick here. Because the true horror is... When Parents Tweet.

My dad has an undergraduate degree from Yale, a graduate degree from Harvard, another graduate degree from Columbia, and yet fails at the technological hurdle that is the Twitter DM. Oy...
posted by DarlingBri at 4:24 PM on December 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

I GOT YOU THE LADYBUG ONE
posted by mullacc at 4:27 PM on December 19, 2010 [18 favorites]

Mom: I’m on twitter now. I tweet all day!
Mom: ooo laaa laaa, JLO is making chicken parm tonight. mmmm
Me: I hope this is a joke.
Mom: twitter me! everyone is following me everywhere
posted by FatherDagon at 4:31 PM on December 19, 2010 [9 favorites]

I'm old enough to make a lot of the parent-generation mistakes, but I mostly only text my husband, so I figure that's OK. I didn't text at all until I got an iPhone, because the bar to entry of using the phone keyboard never made it worthwhile, and now I don't text unless I have something particularly important to say. (Like "I'm outside [your office. Come out so I can take you to lunch]."

On the other hand, my niece texts regularly with her grandfather.
posted by immlass at 4:33 PM on December 19, 2010

Previously
posted by ~Sushma~ at 4:35 PM on December 19, 2010

As fake as these things always are.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 4:40 PM on December 19, 2010 [5 favorites]

Exactly, l33tpolicywonk. That trade mark symbol in the title bar makes me irrationally annoyed.
posted by szechuan at 4:42 PM on December 19, 2010

I like these but, in my experience, texts from over-40s usually consist of far more "text language" or hilarious attempts at same.
posted by doublehappy at 4:45 PM on December 19, 2010

THE LADYBUG ONE IS CLEARLY THE BEST ONE
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 4:47 PM on December 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Worth it for seeing "Toats Magoats" actually written somewhere.
posted by cmoj at 4:48 PM on December 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

That trade mark symbol in the title bar makes me irrationally annoyed.

At least you understand your annoyance is irrational.
posted by incessant at 4:58 PM on December 19, 2010

I sent this to my mom:

Thanks for a great Xmas laugh :) I could see myself writing every one of those texts, very funny!

Sent from my iPad

posted by nev at 4:59 PM on December 19, 2010

When my mother calls me and cannot get ahold of me, she always leaves the same message on my voicemail: "Hi, cmyk, it's your mom. I need you to call me. Love you! Bye!" It takes longer to call my voicemail, play through the message, delete it, and then call her than it would to just call back and find out what's up in the first place. I have explained to her that my phone lets me know when I've missed calls, and tells me who it was that called, but she must leave a message.

I am so happy she doesn't text.
posted by cmyk at 5:00 PM on December 19, 2010 [7 favorites]

When we finally turned texting on last year, the first thing I texted my daughter was BUTTS LOL.
posted by Devils Rancher at 5:01 PM on December 19, 2010 [32 favorites]

i'm an inattentive idiot. i read the post as when parrots attack. then i went to the site & couldn't figure out where the parrots came into it.
posted by msconduct at 5:07 PM on December 19, 2010 [4 favorites]

God, I remember when my dad finally discovered texting. For whatever reason he'd use it solely to convey to me little factoids and interesting bits of information he'd heard about on the news, but in the tersest way possible, so they were all these little bizarre sort of haikus. My favorite was

Hey- population of predatory fish increasing,
benevolent fish decreasing-
World ending.
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 5:08 PM on December 19, 2010 [92 favorites]

Looks like someone is hoping for a new sitcom like "Shit My Dad Says".
posted by bwg at 5:09 PM on December 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Worth it for seeing "Toats Magoats" actually written somewhere.

Heh heh...silly oldsters, clearly it's "totes magotes."
posted by nevercalm at 5:10 PM on December 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Some of those text exchanges look as if iPhone auto-spellcheck was having its fun. "Crafting my ass off" might've been serendipitous, however.
posted by Jubal Kessler at 5:11 PM on December 19, 2010

When my mother calls me and cannot get ahold of me, she always leaves the same message on my voicemail: "Hi, cmyk, it's your mom. I need you to call me. Love you! Bye!" It takes longer to call my voicemail, play through the message, delete it, and then call her than it would to just call back and find out what's up in the first place. I have explained to her that my phone lets me know when I've missed calls, and tells me who it was that called, but she must leave a message.

This and "Why don't you ever answer your phone!" (not a question) are the reasons I taught mom to text. Worked for the most part. She is currently sending me the weather report every morning and telling me to bundle up.
posted by zennie at 5:14 PM on December 19, 2010 [3 favorites]

i don't understand only this one -
HIDE -A-KEY
keep it under the cat?
posted by tustinrick at 5:14 PM on December 19, 2010

I will always remember the conversation with my mom (some years ago) that started with, "What is cyberspace?" She was game but we had an interesting time with "going" to various web sites. "What do you mean, you 'go' there?'"

Also, Postcards from Yo Momma.
posted by Morrigan at 5:14 PM on December 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

HIDE -A-KEY
keep it under the cat?

There might be a statue of a cat or something in the yard near the door that they can hide the spare key underneath. That's what I'm guessing, anyway. Or maybe their pet cat doesn't have any legs.
posted by infinitywaltz at 5:19 PM on December 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

I just like the who's on first aspect of the older generation's confrontation with acronyms:

Mom: what is IDK?
Me: I dont know
Mom: Oh, do you know who does?

posted by thusspakeparanoia at 5:27 PM on December 19, 2010 [9 favorites]

Giving the house key to the cat is probably a pretty good way of making sure nobody finds it.
posted by evidenceofabsence at 5:28 PM on December 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

I text all the time with my kids. The funniest one lately was on opening night of the new Harry Potter show. My son and I were watching it here at home and my daughter was watching it at college with friends, and I texted her at 3am when the movie ended with "OMG! Dobby!". Pretty hilarious!
posted by garnetgirl at 5:31 PM on December 19, 2010

HIDE -A-KEY
keep it under the cat?

might have been a typo for "mat."
posted by beandip at 5:31 PM on December 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Every time I see my mom she makes me txt her to see if she can get them. She has younger friends that all txt and she doesn't want to be embarrassed if one day someone decides to txt her and she can't receive txts.
posted by Ad hominem at 5:32 PM on December 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

I heard someone relating this story on the radio recently. I can't for the life of me remember who it was, but...

His parents both had cell phones and his mother hated to use hers - she wrote the bare minimum for text messages and she didn't like to answer it. So he always called his dad's phone when he wanted to talk with either of them.

One day his father's cell phone wasn't working and his mother knew he would call that day and might assume the phone was off and just leave a message. So she sent him a text, with the bare minimum words as per usual:

"Dad's dead. Call my phone now."
posted by crossoverman at 5:32 PM on December 19, 2010 [32 favorites]

I'm glad my Dad sticks to voice mail, because that's bad enough. They all end with some variation on:

"...so, ok, it's....7:28PM here, that's um...9:28 your time...aaaand it's Sunday. Sunday the 19th. So long..."

I can't imagine the texts.

DAD: THIS IS DAD

Oh wait, I can.
posted by sidereal at 5:35 PM on December 19, 2010 [26 favorites]

I'm just stoked this wasn't "When Parents Text, part of the Cheezburger Network."
posted by Golfhaus at 5:39 PM on December 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

I do try and be funny with my kids, but it never works.

ME: KNOCK KNOCK
DAUGHTER: wut
ME: Oh, come on! KNOCK KNOCK
DAUGHTER: Can you take me to Staples?

posted by sidereal at 5:45 PM on December 19, 2010 [36 favorites]

Dad: If anything happens to me call accountant.

Dad: Remember I will be like Simbas dad in the reflecting pool.
posted by Demogorgon at 5:49 PM on December 19, 2010 [7 favorites]

Watched this exchange between a friend and her dad:

DAD: Hi Honey!
FRIEND: Woah how did you learn how to text?
DAD: Monkey see, monkey do.

posted by carsonb at 5:50 PM on December 19, 2010 [10 favorites]

"OMG! Dobby!"

Beg pardon?
posted by dobbs at 5:51 PM on December 19, 2010

Whatever. Let me start a website about how I wiped your ass for two years.
posted by thinkpiece at 5:54 PM on December 19, 2010 [37 favorites]

I do this to my kids all the time. I send them links on facebook too. I'm sure they love it!
posted by headnsouth at 5:54 PM on December 19, 2010

This text message is to inform you that mom is pooping, we will be along when she’s done. Which I wish would be shortly but no one knows for sure.

So. Now I know, even though my Dad doesn't text message, what my life would be like if he DID. Thanks for that.
posted by OneMonkeysUncle at 5:54 PM on December 19, 2010

I need to get to bed but these are too funny.
posted by orme at 5:55 PM on December 19, 2010

I can't wait until I get to be the clueless neophyte old dude.

ME: Are you coming to visit this weekend?
...
ME: Yes, I know I can telepathically read your mind now. I like texting.
...
ME: You lose nuance and meaning by just digging into someone's head. Besides, I can't get the hang of this thing.
...
ME: Fine, I'll try it. Hang on.
ME sends brain image of a dairy cow standing on top of a large mushroom
...
ME: No, I don't know what it's supposed to mean, either.
posted by backseatpilot at 5:58 PM on December 19, 2010 [28 favorites]

The only texts I have received from my parents came a few years ago, after their 3 week cruise, a cruise which I was never sure that they even got on as I had not heard from them the entire time. They had failed to give me their itinerary so I didn't even know what flight they were coming back on. So, after my parents in their 60s disappeared off the face of the earth for 3 weeks, I got this text:

"@airprt. Taking limo taxi home."

Then another text:

"Charles show text."

I reply, "Who's Charles?"

"Limo diver." (Driver typo.)

And then because guilt is the domain of all parents, they added:

"U not here pick up."
posted by typewriter at 6:00 PM on December 19, 2010 [7 favorites]

These are all cute and charming.
posted by zardoz at 6:00 PM on December 19, 2010

I love it. It reminds me of textsfromlastnight.com, but the exact opposite.
posted by beepbeepboopboop at 6:20 PM on December 19, 2010

I've spent the last year trying to teach my mother how to text. She insists on commenting on random Facebook posts instead. So I post a photo and say:

"This is my latest craft project, I spent ten hours on glitter distribution, see how it sparkles!"

And the first (and thus only) comment is from Mom:

"Will you be coming over for the game this Saturday?"

Glargh.
posted by SMPA at 6:22 PM on December 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

I can't even get my Dad to use the microwave. Cellphones... that's crazy Flash Gordon stuff. I'm not sure he even thinks they're real.
posted by Kevin Street at 6:28 PM on December 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Isn't it funny when parents become cute? We remember when you pissed and shit yourself and couldn't walk. I guess we're even.
posted by wv kay in ga at 6:28 PM on December 19, 2010 [4 favorites]

That sounded mean, and I just meant it to be funny. I hate when nuances can't come through cyberspace.
posted by wv kay in ga at 6:30 PM on December 19, 2010 [6 favorites]

Nah, it sounded funny. And I have that conversation with my mother about once a week. "MA, WHEN DID I TURN INTO THE ADULT HERE?"

"WHEN I GOT TIRED OF IT!" she'll tell me. "NOW IT'S YOUR TURN!"
posted by cmyk at 6:49 PM on December 19, 2010 [25 favorites]

Text speak from what are putatively adults depresses me.
posted by madajb at 6:50 PM on December 19, 2010

I have had cats that I could have left the key under.
posted by Devils Rancher at 7:02 PM on December 19, 2010 [12 favorites]

MY MUM SENDS TEXTS LIKE THIS. USING ALLCAPS.

MYMOTHERINLAWTEXTSLIKETHISALLCAPSNOSPACESORPUNCTUATION
posted by robotot at 7:03 PM on December 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Metafilter: when nuances can't come through cyberspace.
posted by reductiondesign at 7:06 PM on December 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

My mom got a new cell phone this weekend because she dropped her old one in the toilet (no word from the parents on whether that was due to the toilet seat and lid being left down.)

Today's cryptic text:

Mom: G

She's getting better.
posted by emelenjr at 7:15 PM on December 19, 2010

Texting is the main way my wife and I keep in-touch with both our kids. Even though we've been doing for years, I'm still in awe of the speed our daughter texts. Her thumbs are a blur.
posted by Thorzdad at 7:16 PM on December 19, 2010

> Let me start a website about how I wiped your ass for two years.

The thing is, there are so many of those. Give it a few more years, and the first kids whose parents blogged their infants' every development will be old enough to be embarrassed by them. I'm calling it now: The next big phase of internet bullying will be bullies digging up their targets' parents' old blog and mining it for psychologically fissile material.
posted by pts at 7:24 PM on December 19, 2010 [7 favorites]

This reminds me of the excellent blog my mom is a fob, which is done entirely in a loving and non-mean-spirited sense.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 7:34 PM on December 19, 2010 [4 favorites]

Texting is very difficult. There are only a select few people over the age of 30 that are able to master the complexities and those people are probably geniuses.
posted by iconomy at 7:36 PM on December 19, 2010

we have two brother cats from the same litter, they are a team at destruction, putting a key under one of them, would result in looking for days for the lost key, then giving up. we left a 1/4 roll of paper towels on a low table, left them alone, they played with the roll, leaving an area near the table with thousands of ripped one inch squares of paper (pieces) scattered near the coffee table. we won't leave a roll again that they can reach.
posted by tustinrick at 7:37 PM on December 19, 2010

> Why do I have a sinking feeling that one day one of my texts to my kids will wind up on that site?

I'm still trying to figure out why half of those are supposed to be funny.
posted by stp123 at 7:46 PM on December 19, 2010 [3 favorites]

Mother: What is boo yea?
(2 minutes later)
Mother: No explanation?
Me: Sorry, I was working. It's a slang way to express great enthusiasm and self-confidence when you've done something great.
Mother: TKS learning new things everyday!!!!!
posted by artificialard at 7:49 PM on December 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

LOL OLDPEOPLE! Amirite?
posted by Splunge at 8:05 PM on December 19, 2010

My mother is the opposite of all those people. She is now nearly 80. About 20 years ago I went to Canada and left a computer in her attic. She got it out of the attic, set it up, read the manuals, and learned how to use it. She has been a hacker ever since. Recently she bought herself an iMac. Within twenty minutes of unboxing it she was on iCat, wanting to video chat.

Eighty years old. And the littlest little old lady you ever met.

The only tech support I ever had to do was when it wouldn't boot. I called her up and she told me she'd fixed it. "I reset the PRAM", she said. "What does that even mean?".
posted by unSane at 8:18 PM on December 19, 2010 [32 favorites]

Within twenty minutes of unboxing it she was on iCat, wanting to video chat.

I know it's a typo, but I'm so in love with the idea of Apple's app that's only for chatting with cats - instead of "Friends", "Family", "Coworkers", it's "Domestic Longhairs", "Domestic Shorthairs", and "Pedigrees".
posted by leo. at 8:41 PM on December 19, 2010 [14 favorites]

The next big phase of internet bullying will be bullies digging up their targets' parents' old blog and mining it for psychologically fissile material.

So I shouldn't be telling the story of how lil ubu did this massive projectile poo all over everything the other day?
posted by UbuRoivas at 8:41 PM on December 19, 2010

WAAAAAAH!!!
posted by lil ubu at 8:42 PM on December 19, 2010 [7 favorites]

she was on iCat

Was she hiding a key?
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 9:02 PM on December 19, 2010 [7 favorites]

Isn't it funny when parents become cute? We remember when you pissed and shit yourself and couldn't walk. I guess we're even.

I HAD LIKE 300 BEERS THAT MORNING
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 9:05 PM on December 19, 2010 [17 favorites]

You think that's bad? Just wait until your mom asks you to explain how people have cybersex.
posted by Soliloquy at 9:20 PM on December 19, 2010

Before flipping "our folks said" annecdotes, y'all need to state how old you'all are and how old yer old pops/mam are, too.

mumble young teenage whipersnappers mumble twentysomthing MILFS mumble mumble
posted by porpoise at 9:32 PM on December 19, 2010

Mom: we got the tree do u want to decorate on monday with everyone or should i do it? there is no right answer we all need to be honest

i love this site so hard im tearing up

this post needs the You'reMom tag too though.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:47 PM on December 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

At 30 I'm way more of a luddite than I'd ever imagined myself being. I'm on facebook, but only because everyone else I know is and they use it to send out invites to things (it's also good for checking on which exes have gotten married and things like that). I hate texting and almost only do so to reply to someone else. Hell, I hate talking on the phone at all. I spent enough time with bad credit in my mid-twenties that the phone ringing incites a pavlovian panic response in me. I've basically trained everyone I'm close to to know that gchat is my primary means of communication, with email a distant second.

Of course, my parents are opposite from me in this regard. Last Christmas, my mom got an iPhone, which she adores like one of her own kids. I don't even understand how to use and iPhone and I spend 90% of my waking hours in front of my MacBook. My parents have never attempted to text me, but every time I see them my mom goes into a grave speech about how texting while driving will lead to my death, over my protests that I generally don't even text while sitting.

Meanwhile, my attempts to get my parents onto Gmail have proven fruitless, as Outlook is the only program for them, even if it means that I have half a dozen email addresses with which to try to reach them and never know which one is correct. I get about twenty forwards from my mom (under my dad's name) every day, from liberal blog postings, to the point where I thought she was undermined by a spambot, but no, this is just my mom, who last week begged me to change my start-page to Yahoo because "there's just so much great stuff on there!"

My favorite, though, must be when my (soon to be former) sister-in-law showed them Facebook, and brought up my page. I immediately got an irate phone call.

ME: What's up?
MOM: Well, [awful, soon-to-be-former-sister-in-law] showed us your page on Facebook today!
ME: oh, lord. Yeah [ex-girlfriend] insisted I join. I haven't even checked it in forever.
MOM: Half of the photos of you on there have you with a beer in your hand!
ME: Well, I don't frequent the site, and don't have a camera, so I'm guessing that the only pics of me are from parties, so...
MOM: How will this look to future employers?
(I log onto facebook and check my privacy settings...)
ME: There, now you can't see my photos. Better?
MOM: Thank you.
(Dad gets on the phone)
DAD: So I'm guessing the Chinese girl in the most recent of these is your new girlfriend?
(sigh)
ME: Yes...
DAD: Well, she's very cute...

In short. I don't need my parents texting, ever.
posted by Navelgazer at 11:01 PM on December 19, 2010

It's adorable when kids convince themselves that they're the only ones who have ever done something that they just learned about. You all were like this about sex, too.
posted by faceonmars at 11:55 PM on December 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

This is teh vanities
posted by eeeeeez at 11:59 PM on December 19, 2010

My mom got a new cell phone this weekend because she dropped her old one in the toilet


My Dad dropped his phone in the toilet. He probably could have salvaged it if he had just let it dry on its own, but no. He stuck it in the oven and melted it. I mean, it still worked, kind of, but the buttons and case were melted, so it could only receive calls.




MOM: The only gift that I want from you this year is for you to paint over the word “poop” that has been in our basement wall for a year now….

My Mom would never say this.
posted by louche mustachio at 12:21 AM on December 20, 2010

This reminds me of once when I was grading some test papers (thousands of them). Students kept answering IDK. I had to ask some young kid what it meant. It was like this, "Hey, I don't know what.. oh."
posted by charlie don't surf at 1:04 AM on December 20, 2010

MOM: Crafting my ass off


Clearly a Minecraft player!
posted by Harald74 at 1:14 AM on December 20, 2010

I only ever got one text message from my father.

"nO."

Summed our relationship up actually...
posted by sodium lights the horizon at 2:11 AM on December 20, 2010

Dad: O boy, im a noob! What the fawk is a noob? Am i the best noob in the whole world? Am i a cool noob?


That right there pretty much sums it up, and well.
posted by louche mustachio at 3:47 AM on December 20, 2010 [3 favorites]

My father dictates text message replies to my mother, who pushes the buttons for him. Not sure if he's also the type who prints out his emails before reading them, but it would not surprise me.

What is surprising, is that he is an engineer. And under 50.
posted by jaynewould at 4:44 AM on December 20, 2010

If my mom were still alive, I imagine that one day she would have gotten into texting. These sort of things seem to pretty much line up with the way our IRL/phone conversations went, so I can see her taking the time to type them out if she ever had access to a newer phone.

One of the things I can't let go of are the voicemails she left me in the year before she died, which are thankfully saved in Google Talk, so I can pull them up if I ever get the urge. The wonderful part is that most of her messages start like this...

"Kevin??? This is me, your Mom. Geri. Geri [Last Name], your Mom..."

I don't think she ever grasped that my phone new it was her calling, and that even if it didn't, I'm fairly adept at recognizing my mom's voice, as I would imagine most people are.
posted by snapped at 6:21 AM on December 20, 2010 [9 favorites]

Most of the texts are boring and quite flat...
posted by Cindyrella at 7:05 AM on December 20, 2010

Favorite Mom Text: I'm like a vegan except I eat meat

no context provided
posted by little cow make small moo at 7:19 AM on December 20, 2010 [2 favorites]

Mom: Dad's getting me a new car!!!!
Me: What happened to the old one?
Mom: It got totaled.
Me: OMG ARE YOU OKAY??? WHAT HAPPENED?
Mom: I'm fine. I was texting and drove into a wall.
Me: WTF PUT DOWN THE PHONE. PUT IT DOWN NOW. NOW PUT IT DOWN. NOW.
posted by spec80 at 7:23 AM on December 20, 2010 [4 favorites]

None of my parents text, though my mom occasionally sends me photo msgs with odd things and/or her dogs.

The voicemails though... my dad's always start with "Hi, sonika, this is your dad." in the same intonation. Every time. Funny thing is, I have three fathers, so getting voicemails that identify the caller as "dad" doesn't exactly narrow it down. Except, of course, I also have caller ID and can recognize their voices. Which negates having to tell me that it's "dad." But anyway.

Also: under my cat would be a totally cromulent place to hide, well, anything. She's not only completely lazy, but her refusal to MOVE means that she burns pretty much zero calories per day and as such, is large enough to cover an entire magazine or incriminating document.
posted by sonika at 7:35 AM on December 20, 2010

snapped: ""Kevin??? This is me, your Mom. Geri. Geri [Last Name], your Mom...""

And this reminds me of how in some ways, my parents are more savvy than I am. Because for a long time, I'd call my dad and say, "Hey Dad, it's Marisa". To which he'd say, "Yeah, I know, because you're the only one who calls me 'Dad'."
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 7:49 AM on December 20, 2010 [2 favorites]

I'd call my dad and say, "Hey Dad, it's Marisa". To which he'd say, "Yeah, I know, because you're the only one who calls me 'Dad'."

Ha, I'm an only child (sort of. I have step siblings, but I am both of my parents' only biological child) and when I do actually leave a message (rare, I usually just call people back until I get them *on the phone*) it's usually "Hi, it's your offspring." Narrows it right down.
posted by sonika at 8:02 AM on December 20, 2010

Got this the other day, and it made my year:

MOM: Lightening the tree in rockefeller center tonight. And I can see it from the warmth and comfort of my bed. That’s the life. And gosh groban is singing while they light the tree. It doesn’t get better than this. He sing the bells of nyc from his latest cd. 78th year and the tree is beautiful. U should go see it at night and report back. :- ) Did u do ur timesheets?






(Yes, my mom texts me to remind me to do my timesheets.)
posted by functionequalsform at 8:03 AM on December 20, 2010 [2 favorites]

Also recently my 90-year-old grandfather fell down and whacked his head on the sidewalk (again) and somehow thought to ask the nurse at the hospital take a picture of him on her phone (in the hospital bed, ice pack on head) and text it to my mother, who was on her way to see him. She subsequently sent the same photo to me. I admired his resourcefulness.
posted by little cow make small moo at 8:09 AM on December 20, 2010

What I love about some of these is that it's not even about how clueless the parents are as it is capturing the relationship of child and parent. Case in point:

Me: I don’t know if mom told you but check your email I sent you something.
Dad: Is this about being friends on face book?
Me: haha no I’m going to run a 5k and i need donations.
Dad: Can not hear you, bad connection
posted by cottoncandybeard at 8:30 AM on December 20, 2010 [6 favorites]

Dad: To dip the fry in the frosty or not to dip…that is the question!
Me: Well…how did it go?
Dad: You better believe I dipped.

Oh, Dad, I miss you.
posted by Elsa at 9:05 AM on December 20, 2010 [3 favorites]

Mom (age 78) doesn't text (heck, I don't text, for that matter), but she's been hooked on email since we got her her first computer about 10 years ago. The last time she was in the hospital for a few days, as the aide was wheeling her out, Mom said to me "I can't wait to get home and check my email, I feel so out of the loop!" The aide, who was probably in her late 50s, said in surprise "You know how to do that computer stuff?!" My Dad never texts nor emails, in fact he very rarely even uses the telephone (lets Mom make his calls for him). But when he answers the phone at home and it's me on the other end, he'll identify himself by saying "This is Daddy." And I always have to stifle a chuckle, because (A) in our whole lives none of us kids have ever addressed him as "daddy," it's always been just "dad," and (B) only two people live in that house, and I can tell the difference between his voice and Mom's.
posted by Oriole Adams at 9:37 AM on December 20, 2010

For a long time I signed all my texts to my kids: Love, Mom.

Not because I didn't know it was weird. But because it drove them crazy.
posted by mygothlaundry at 10:02 AM on December 20, 2010 [5 favorites]

Within twenty minutes of unboxing it she was on iCat, wanting to video chat.

I know it's a typo, but I'm so in love with the idea of Apple's app that's only for chatting with cats - instead of "Friends", "Family", "Coworkers", it's "Domestic Longhairs", "Domestic Shorthairs", and "Pedigrees".

I do not think The Cats would allow us to use their exclusive chatting software. I believe they are all on there planning their domination strategy.
posted by sweetkid at 10:52 AM on December 20, 2010 [1 favorite]

When I was 14 I thought my old man texted like an old man. By the time I was 21, I was amazed at how much better he'd gotten.
posted by Twang at 11:01 AM on December 20, 2010 [4 favorites]

Huh. This is pretty weird. I'm only 22, but my parents have always been pretty great at texting. I think my mom got rid of the "Love, mom" sig when I was around 17? Now both my parents have smartphones and I'm pretty sure my mom can text nearly as quick as I do.
posted by thsmchnekllsfascists at 11:25 AM on December 20, 2010

Oh and my fave:

Dad: Beer please
Me: what
Dad: Beer please
posted by thsmchnekllsfascists at 11:26 AM on December 20, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'm not convinced that this is a generational thing at all. Some of my thirty-something contemporaries barely know how to send an SMS, some of my elderly relatives send pithy tweets from their iPhones 4. And vice versa.
posted by a little headband I put around my throat at 11:53 AM on December 20, 2010 [1 favorite]

snapped, I have VHS tapes I can never get rid of because they are labelled, "[first name] [last name], your mother"
posted by Morrigan at 4:42 PM on December 20, 2010

My dad is kind of a technophobe and still thinks the internet is for perverts and shut-ins, which is too bad, because he would absolutely kill on Twitter.
posted by Zozo at 5:29 PM on December 20, 2010

My dad is kind of a technophobe and still thinks the internet is for perverts and shut-ins

Wait, what? There are other people here?
posted by unSane at 5:43 PM on December 20, 2010

My mother, god bless her, has really tried to embrace technology. Two of many, many great stories that have resulted.

May 2008. My mother sends her first text message, to my little brother, who has missed curfew and is ignoring her phonecalls:

CALLHOMENOW

Because she couldn't find the space or figure out how to make it not caps lock.

June 2010. I visit her at her office, where she serves as the school nurse. She is writing an email to a student whose parent has just passed away, offering her condolences. It's a beautiful email. As she is about to click send, I happen to notice that her sign off reads:

Call me if you need anything.

LOL,
CharlieSue's Mom

As it happens, she has thought LOL meant Lots of Love for the past, I don't know, 5 years, and has been using this as a sign off for equally serious emails for just as long.
posted by CharlieSue at 10:22 AM on December 21, 2010 [2 favorites]

Today:

Mom: Are you coming home today or tomorrow?
Me: TMW, leaving noonish.
Mom: Just wanted to know when to vacuum.

posted by carsonb at 1:17 PM on December 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

i hope your butt is okay
posted by The Devil Tesla at 11:46 AM on December 31, 2010