He's over Namibia. Now, you can ask your parents where that is.

December 25, 2010 7:02 AM

REMARKS BY THE FIRST LADY TO CHILDREN WHILE TRACKING SANTA WITH NORAD Every year NORAD (North American Aerospace Defense Command) helps track Santa Claus's movement around the globe [previously]. The transcript of First Lady Michelle Obama's conversations with kids on Christmas as she watches the radar, sent to the White House press list last night, is absolutely adorable. Much more at the Norad Santa headquarters, and an interview with the head researcher at the Department of Energy tasked with tracking St Nick.
posted by jtajta (42 comments total)

Norad doing santa just makes kids feel comfortable with the whole military industrial complex.
posted by PinkMoose at 7:15 AM on December 25, 2010 [14 favorites]

Well, at least they can track something that doesn't actually exist.
posted by scruss at 7:20 AM on December 25, 2010 [5 favorites]

Figures. That socialist Santa has ties with the whole damn government. Kids, here's a tip: GIT A JOB.
posted by fungible at 7:24 AM on December 25, 2010 [1 favorite]

I can't wait to hear what the Tea Party says about this.

One thing that confused me was "the Central African Republic of Bombari." Is this a new term for the central African republic that I know as the Central African Republic?
posted by knile at 7:25 AM on December 25, 2010 [1 favorite]

Norad doing santa just makes kids feel comfortable with the whole military industrial complex.

Well, at least they can track something that doesn't actually exist.

Really, you guys. Really? In light of everything that's going on in the US right now I think it's great that the First Lady gets to spend some time comforting kids and giving them a little --if temporary--hope. Their parents probably have all the reality they can handle right now.

I can't wait to hear what the Tea Party says about this.

Yeah, like they don't have enough important things to worry about. At least she was careful enough not to mention Kenya.
posted by fuse theorem at 7:27 AM on December 25, 2010 [19 favorites]

Aww, I love Mrs. Obama.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:30 AM on December 25, 2010 [18 favorites]

One thing that confused me was "the Central African Republic of Bombari." Is this a new term for the central African republic that I know as the Central African Republic?

Bambari is a city in the Central African Republic. Maybe the map she was looking at had the city labeled and she read it as part of the country name? (Or maybe the transcript got it wrong, and she said "the Central African Republic, in Bambari.")
posted by Chanther at 8:31 AM on December 25, 2010

Hey, you've gotta market yourself to stay relevant. In the lull between the winding down of the Cold War and 9/11, NORAD had to turn to drug interdiction to keep busy.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 8:58 AM on December 25, 2010

At least she was careful enough not to mention Kenya.

You can't understand the Obama relationship to Santa Claus without understanding Kenyan pro-colonial politics.
posted by clarknova at 9:11 AM on December 25, 2010

Norad doing santa just makes kids feel comfortable with the whole military industrial complex.


I bet you are HILARIOUS at parties.
posted by modernnomad at 9:26 AM on December 25, 2010 [11 favorites]

At least she didn't mention the calorie counts of sugarplums.
posted by Ideefixe at 9:41 AM on December 25, 2010

At least she was careful enough not to mention Kanye.
posted by cmoj at 9:47 AM on December 25, 2010

I love how she told every kid that he or she had to be asleep before Santa would show up. You can tell she's a parent.
posted by Bonzai at 9:57 AM on December 25, 2010 [9 favorites]

At least there were no jokes about Predator Drones.
posted by iamck at 10:00 AM on December 25, 2010 [1 favorite]

I can't wait to hear what the Tea Party says about this.

Easy enough to find out.
posted by empath at 10:02 AM on December 25, 2010 [1 favorite]

I bet you are HILARIOUS at parties.

I want to be invited to those kinds of parties.

At least there were no jokes about Predator Drones.

You should come too.
posted by clarknova at 10:03 AM on December 25, 2010

Norad doing santa just makes kids feel comfortable with the whole military industrial complex.

How's it going over in Pottersville, anyway? Good thing you got rid of that chump, George Bailey. His old Building & Loan sure was a pain in the ass, amirite?
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 10:38 AM on December 25, 2010 [1 favorite]

OPERATOR: We have Max.

Is it bad that I want to see the action movie version of this?
posted by Nonsteroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drug at 10:43 AM on December 25, 2010

Kids enjoying the idea of Santa is good, Mrs Obama is good, and jokes about Norad and Santa and predator drones and the military-industrial complex and everything else are also good.
posted by pracowity at 11:17 AM on December 25, 2010 [6 favorites]

I can't wait to hear what the Tea Party says about this.

They've got a tape of her calling Santa "whitey." They're going to release it any day now, and then Sarah's gonna be president!
posted by PlusDistance at 11:27 AM on December 25, 2010 [2 favorites]

AUSTIN: Is it hard to like be married to the President?

MRS. OBAMA: No, he’s a pretty good guy...


Her husband is just "a pretty good guy"? Sounds like the Obamas are a regular married couple, huh?
posted by AugustWest at 12:05 PM on December 25, 2010

People who don't like anything the Obamas do don't like this thing either.
posted by box at 12:22 PM on December 25, 2010

the link seems borked. Just sits there and waits while loading. any mirrors?
posted by lampshade at 12:40 PM on December 25, 2010

I can't wait to hear what the Tea Party says about this.

SHE FORCED CHILDREN TO LEAVE ASPARAGUS FOR SANTA
posted by scody at 12:44 PM on December 25, 2010 [1 favorite]

You can't understand the Obama relationship to Santa Claus without understanding Kenyan pro-colonial politics.

I'll have some of whatever you're having.
posted by fuse theorem at 1:50 PM on December 25, 2010

SANTA=WAR
CLAUS=TERROR
OBAMA=DICTATOR

CONNECTION?

IT MIGHT BE MORE REVELATORY THAN YOU MAY EXPECT

SANTA CLAUS = WAR ON TERROR
SANTA CLAUS = WAR ON TERROR

CONNECTION?

CONNECTION?

SLEIGH = ICBM

REINDEER = REFINED NUCLEAR MATERIALS

DON'T TRUST THE MEDIA
THE MEDIA OWNS SANTA CLAUS
THE MEDIA OWNS WAR ON TERROR

THE SLEIGH
IS NOT BRINGING PRESENTS
IT IS THE SLEIGH
THAT IS THE DANGER
ICBM
DRIVEN BY REFINED NUCLEAR MATERIALS
NUCLEAR SLEIGH
NUCLEAR ICBM

THE MEDIA DOES NOT LET YOU KNOW
SANTA = WAR
THE WAR ON TERROR BRINGS THE SLEIGH
OBAMA BECOMES OBAMA
DICTATOR BECOMES DICTATOR

CHRISTMAS = MASS MURDER




THINK
posted by TwelveTwo at 2:03 PM on December 25, 2010 [3 favorites]

THE ASPARAGUS IS NOT
posted by TwelveTwo at 2:06 PM on December 25, 2010 [2 favorites]

They've got a tape of her calling Santa 'whitey.' They're going to release it any day now, and then Sarah's gonna be president!

Santa's got a brand new bagatelle.
posted by kirkaracha at 2:31 PM on December 25, 2010 [2 favorites]

OH WHAT A LONELY ASPARAGUS AM I
posted by Pallas Athena at 2:34 PM on December 25, 2010

I'll have some of whatever you're having.

I don't know what it was. You can get some from the punchbowl over there.
posted by clarknova at 3:09 PM on December 25, 2010 [1 favorite]

I can't wait to hear what the Tea Party says about this.

"FIRST LADY LIES TO CHILDREN" would be my guess
posted by Mchelly at 3:23 PM on December 25, 2010 [1 favorite]

I love how they emphasis that the kids have to GO TO SLEEP to get any toys.
posted by fshgrl at 3:38 PM on December 25, 2010

I have a good view of NORAD's Cheyenne Mountain complex from my parking lot at work. When I'm walking back to my car in the afternoon, my brain usually recites "Goddammit, I'd piss on a spark plug if I thought it'd do any good!". I'd prefer "The only winning move is not to play," but that's not how my mind works, at least not at the end of the workday.
posted by bibliowench at 4:25 PM on December 25, 2010 [5 favorites]

I can't wait to hear what the Tea Party says about this.

I'm sure it'll be just as evenhanded and coherent as the rest of their output.
posted by Pope Guilty at 7:42 PM on December 25, 2010 [1 favorite]

I can't really get behind any story that ends with "the world isn't magic. we lied to you."
posted by thetruthisjustalie at 3:20 AM on December 26, 2010

At least she was careful enough not to mention Kenya.

oh, but wouldn't it be awesome if she would mention kenya, where my husband was born and pretend to catch herself? the birther paranoia would at least keep the riff-raff occupied for a while.
posted by fallacy of the beard at 7:12 AM on December 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

Norad doing santa just makes kids feel comfortable with the whole military industrial complex.

How's it going over in Pottersville, anyway? Good thing you got rid of that chump, George Bailey. His old Building & Loan sure was a pain in the ass, amirite?
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:38 PM on December 25

Because having qualms about the sinister influence of dangerous and powerful figures and institutions in our lives and cherished traditions is totally un-George-Bailey-like.
posted by Reverend John at 8:57 AM on December 26, 2010

I also support the First Lady doing this during the tracking of ICBM trajectories.
posted by jaduncan at 3:32 PM on December 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

I can't really get behind any story that ends with "the world isn't magic. we lied to you."

90 percent of parenting is lying to children. They're not creatures of reason.
posted by Astro Zombie at 3:43 PM on December 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

Because having qualms about the sinister influence of dangerous and powerful figures and institutions in our lives and cherished traditions is totally un-George-Bailey-like.

There's a difference beyween having qualms and having reasonable qualms. There's a thin line between thinking this is some scheme to trick children into trusting the military and that whole ridiculous donnybrook when Obama was going to speak to the schools a few years ago and conservatives insisted it was to indoctrinate children into socialism.
posted by Astro Zombie at 3:45 PM on December 26, 2010

Heh, well, I don't think there was a meeting of the Joint Chiefs of Staff where they sat around, pounding their fists on the table bellowing "GENTLEMEN! WE NEED TO CLOSE THE CHILDHOOD-TRUST-IN-THE-MILITARY-INDUSTRIAL-COMPLEX-GAP" or anything.

I just find it kinda disturbing that the folks with their fingers on the buttons think (rightly) that some people would find it charming to have them Ho-Ho-Ho-ing it up on Christmas Eve. I sometimes have a hard time understanding how people who are so closely connected with the possible use of nuclear weapons can contemplate their position with anything more than an overwhelming, nauseating sense shame and dread. Ah, humanity.

So, yeah, NORAD makes Old Man Potter look like Clarence the Angel in my book.
posted by Reverend John at 6:42 PM on December 26, 2010

Now, you can ask your parents where Namibia is.

Now, you're going to have to ask your dad exactly where Gabon is, but it’s in Africa.

Right now he is flying over Africa -- the Central African Republic of Bombari. And it looks like his sleigh is pretty full of toys.


And be sure to ask your dad why Santa doesn't stop Namibia, Gabon and the Central African Republic with his sleigh full of toys.
posted by leonard horner at 9:26 AM on December 27, 2010