But what if we just need a point release?

January 11, 2011 7:48 AM

Nervous s/he isn't game to watch midget porn and might judge you for your interest in it? Enter Mojo Upgrade. (contains nsfw text)

Shy couples unsure of each other's carnal quirks have previously resorted to hinting, hedging or bookmarking to discover if they share desires. This website highlights what gets them both hot and bothered, but hides anything that only one partner is into.

Similar lists have been around the BDSM world for some time, but Mojo Upgrade is aimed at the currently vanilla and automates the comparing process to spare blushes.

posted by Busy Old Fool (41 comments total)

"Honey, I'm into websites that will help us discover if we share desires."

"I'm not."

"Oh."
posted by The Ultimate Olympian at 7:59 AM on January 11, 2011 [33 favorites]

Huh?
posted by electricsandwich138 at 7:59 AM on January 11, 2011

Also, that Austin Powers movie where someone steals his mojo? Whole new meaning.
posted by The Ultimate Olympian at 8:01 AM on January 11, 2011

*Checks off everything in list, sends to girlfriend for her to fill out*
posted by Threeway Handshake at 8:03 AM on January 11, 2011 [12 favorites]

The end result is less than impressive, as expected. You can't distill a sexual relationship into a 5-minute quiz.

Still, if it initiates talking about sex, or better yet, having it, good on it.
posted by mrgrimm at 8:03 AM on January 11, 2011 [1 favorite]

"You're into X, too? That's great!"

"No, I just wanted to see what you're into."
posted by ODiV at 8:05 AM on January 11, 2011 [12 favorites]

*Checks off everything in list, sends to girlfriend for her to fill out*

She does the same, just to make sure you aren't some kind of sick freak.
posted by empath at 8:05 AM on January 11, 2011 [6 favorites]

from the How Mojo Upgrade Works: Best of all, it's free (as in beer) and you don't even have to register

Fetish Schmetish, I want to know more about this free beer.
posted by Slack-a-gogo at 8:05 AM on January 11, 2011 [3 favorites]

*Checks off everything in list, sends to girlfriend for her to fill out*
posted by Threeway Handshake at 8:03 AM on January 11 [+] [!]

eponylarious
posted by mrgrimm at 8:05 AM on January 11, 2011 [6 favorites]

Shyness is nice and
Shyness can stop you
From doing all the things in life
You'd like to
posted by esprit de l'escalier at 8:09 AM on January 11, 2011 [7 favorites]

She does the same, just to make sure you aren't some kind of sick freak.

Neither of you is willing to back down and admit to the ruse, and you wind up having awesome hot kinky sex together just to spite each other.
posted by nebulawindphone at 8:14 AM on January 11, 2011 [28 favorites]

Oh god, this reminds me of those "list your crushes and see who also has a crush on you" sites back in the day. People did the same thing back then too: list everybody they could think of just to see what matches would come up.
posted by kmz at 8:16 AM on January 11, 2011

I can't believe they'd just have a question like "roleplay in costumes" without even specifying which historical era and/or SyFy show...
How is this supposed to help sexual commnication if we leave out the important details?
posted by Theta States at 8:17 AM on January 11, 2011 [9 favorites]

Neither of you is willing to back down and admit to the ruse, and you wind up having awesome hot kinky sex together just to spite each other.

It could be like the O Henry story: The Lube of the Magi.
posted by shothotbot at 8:18 AM on January 11, 2011 [19 favorites]

Oh no.

She's a furry.
posted by chillmost at 8:19 AM on January 11, 2011 [2 favorites]

I can't believe they'd just have a question like "roleplay in costumes" without even specifying which historical era and/or SyFy show...

The answer is Slave Leia.

i mean what?
posted by empath at 8:19 AM on January 11, 2011 [4 favorites]

"You like to be tied up, yes?" works often enough that I don't think I need this. But thanks all the same.
posted by Ahab at 8:20 AM on January 11, 2011 [2 favorites]

Oh no.

She's a furry plushie

It's a terrible thing when you find out your partner isn't actually a biosexual, because it's like you never really had a chance.
posted by yeloson at 8:23 AM on January 11, 2011

FWIW, the author's response to the 'agree with everything' trick was 'I think if a person does that, I think you have deeper issues than finding out what the other person is into sexually. This is for couples that want to enhance their sex lives, not those that need therapy.'
posted by Busy Old Fool at 8:34 AM on January 11, 2011 [3 favorites]

hot kinky sex together just to spite each other.

Spite sex is wicked. Almost as good as one-upmanship sex.
posted by slimepuppy at 8:38 AM on January 11, 2011

This is for couples that want to enhance their sex lives, not those that need therapy.' the Commission Junction affiliate links.
posted by mrgrimm at 8:41 AM on January 11, 2011 [1 favorite]

It's a terrible thing when you find out your partner isn't actually a biosexual, because it's like you never really had a chance.

Look what YOU did to them!
posted by Theta States at 8:46 AM on January 11, 2011

I can't believe they'd just have a question like "roleplay in costumes" without even specifying which historical era and/or SyFy show...

Pfft. Anybody can be an SF character or a medieval knight. I like to get my freak on as an authentically-costumed 16th century Flemish merchant, with my wife dressed as the Fugger banker I'm trying to get financing from.


Hee hee hee Fugger
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 8:55 AM on January 11, 2011 [11 favorites]

"You like to be tied up, yes?" works often enough that I don't think I need this.

"Seeing as how you've got a ball gag in your mouth, just nod. Oh, that's right, you can't move your head right now either. Well, just hum the theme to The A-Team."
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 8:58 AM on January 11, 2011

I'm would do anything for love.

BUT I WOOON'T DOOO THAT!
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:03 AM on January 11, 2011

This is for couples that want to enhance their sex lives, not those that need therapy.' the Commission Junction affiliate links

I'm frankly baffled. So any site that contains advertising is necessarily insincere about any other aims they profess to have? Matt's description of Metafilter as 'offering visitors a place to communicate with others in a meaningful way' should be replaced with 'providing Adsense and FederatedMedia links'?
posted by Busy Old Fool at 9:04 AM on January 11, 2011

instead of 16th century and Flemish, can we make it 1956, Cleavland, and a used car dealership. No one ever wants to fetishise the midwest with me.
posted by PinkMoose at 9:21 AM on January 11, 2011 [9 favorites]

I've got a feeling that the partner you aren't willing to introduce topics to except through a mutually obfuscated web survey is likely to be offended just by reading the questions. I can totally see an uptight prudey type using the "Yes to everything" technique to find out what kind of deviant shit their degenerate mate is fostering in their blackest heart. Sad follow-up to this scenario is the brief interlude where the ecstatic closeted kinkster thinks they've discovered that they've just found out their buttoned-up partner shares every single one of their beautiful dark twisted fantasies, followed by the three months of bitter, reproachful, judgment-filled arguments leading up to the horrible break-up.

I'm also obscurely reminded of the "purity test" questionnaires that were briefly popular when I was in college, which was so long ago that people had to print that shit out from their brand new first ever college email accounts and mark their scores with a fucking pencil, if you can believe that, you goddamn kids.
posted by nanojath at 9:40 AM on January 11, 2011 [2 favorites]

"I put on my pastel argyle cardigan and sock garters."
posted by Rat Spatula at 9:42 AM on January 11, 2011 [7 favorites]

It's funny because for all X there is a statistically significant portion of the human population with a sexual fetish for X.
posted by LogicalDash at 10:11 AM on January 11, 2011

She does the same, just to make sure you aren't some kind of sick freak.

Aaaand that's the story of how tubgirl came to be.
posted by Rhomboid at 10:13 AM on January 11, 2011 [1 favorite]

I've got a feeling that the partner you aren't willing to introduce topics to except through a mutually obfuscated web survey is likely to be offended just by reading the questions.

Definitely possible, which is why the multipage format is useful. 'By the way, darling, some pages are mostly pervy stuff, so don't worry too much about answering every last question there'. I doubt that any couple that included someone 100%-missionary-with-the-lights-off-and-I-get-the-vapours-at-the-mention-of-anal would even get as far as looking at this site.

I can totally see an uptight prudey type using the "Yes to everything" technique to find out what kind of deviant shit their degenerate mate is fostering in their blackest heart. ... followed by the three months of bitter, reproachful, judgment-filled arguments leading up to the horrible break-up.

IMO a horrible break-up would probably be the best thing for the closeted kinkster, if their partner were as judgemental and manipulative as that.

The people I'm imagining getting value out of this are 'you go first', 'no, you go first' types, where they both agree that they want to try something new, but both are too nervous to suggest something specific. Perhaps young & inexperienced or older & married, but in a rut.
posted by Busy Old Fool at 10:31 AM on January 11, 2011 [2 favorites]

The people I'm imagining getting value out of this are 'you go first', 'no, you go first' types, where they both agree that they want to try something new, but both are too nervous to suggest something specific.

There would be some value to this ... if it were any good. The main problem is that the quiz simply isn't entertaining or fun. Sex can be a LOT of fun. There should be questions like, "Do you want to be dipped head to toe in apple butter and licked by the dog?"

Matt's description of Metafilter as 'offering visitors a place to communicate with others in a meaningful way' should be replaced with 'providing Adsense and FederatedMedia links'?

If AskMF included "recommended affiliate links for your problem" when it was launched, then yeah. If those recommended purchases were the only original content in the responses, then yeah.

I think there's a difference between using advertising/affilliates to sustain or grow a valuable service or tool, and launching a tool/service for the primary purpose of determining people's sexual preferences and then serving them targeted advertising. My guess is the latter here, which is probably why they opted for such a generic/boring appearance and conventional text (SEO). Justmy2c.

where they both agree that they want to try something new, but both are too nervous to suggest something specific. Perhaps young & inexperienced or older & married, but in a rut.

As someone who is always looking for new ways to spark my sexual relationship with my partner, this site is a major fail for me.

For inexperienced or "vanilla" folks, I didn't have any actual fun experience with the erotic game Bliss, but I did review the trial version of it a long time ago for a Web site, and it looked like good, conventional-sex fun.

If you're imaginative however, you can think up your own games pretty quickly. The trick is getting your partner to play along ...
posted by mrgrimm at 11:13 AM on January 11, 2011

Dude, midget is not the preferred nomenclature.
posted by TheCavorter at 11:26 AM on January 11, 2011 [1 favorite]

Spite sex is wicked. Almost as good as one-upmanship sex.
posted by slimepuppy

You know, I really hope that post is not eponysterical.
posted by sebastienbailard at 12:15 PM on January 11, 2011

After nearly two pages of "no" and "we already do that", I figured there was no point in continuing or sending this to my man.
posted by MuChao at 4:53 PM on January 11, 2011

PinkMoose: "can we make it 1956, Cleavland, and a used car dealership. No one ever wants to fetishise the midwest with me."

Isn't that basically reenacting an episode of Happy Days?
posted by graventy at 9:40 PM on January 11, 2011

My partner and I decided to take the test together. After 11 years there were no surprises, but it did develop into a sexual conversation which is always good. Some observations:

1) When questions arose covering "things we haven't done in awhile" the male half always answered Yes!, the female half always answered We Already Do That.

2) In the results section if at least one partner checked No that question did not appear at all. We spent some time trying to recall these questions and would have liked to have seen them included in the results. ("Did you put "No" on biting as well?")

3) We spent some time musing on how this questionnaire would be tailored for homosexual couples. For example, I doubt homosexual couples were asked if they wanted to put their penis between their partner's breasts or Lesbian couples were asked if they wanted their partner's cum all over their face. However, we did wonder if there were questions that gay and Lesbians were asked that straight couples were not asked.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 7:28 AM on January 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

1) When questions arose covering "things we haven't done in awhile" the male half always answered Yes!, the female half always answered We Already Do That.

I chuckled because it's true.
posted by mrgrimm at 7:31 AM on January 12, 2011

or Lesbian couples were asked if they wanted their partner's cum all over their face

It's not quite the same thing, but this still can apply to lesbians. And you have to change the sheets afterwards.
posted by Theta States at 8:58 AM on January 12, 2011

Great to hear that you tried it out, SLoG!

In the results section if at least one partner checked No that question did not appear at all. We spent some time trying to recall these questions and would have liked to have seen them included in the results.

Not showing those answers is the core of the design. If you're comfortable discussing kinks that only one of you is into, then you're not the intended audience. A regular book about sex, one of the BDSM lists above or even Wikipedia's list of sexual acts would do just as well. What this website adds is the opportunity for partners to open themselves up without fear of making the other uncomfortable.

mrgrimm, I think you likewise may simply not be the intended audience.

There should be questions like, "Do you want to be dipped head to toe in apple butter and licked by the dog?"

The aim isn't to entertain, but to highlight acts that both partners are intrigued by, but neither is brave enough to suggest. The fun part comes later.

For inexperienced or "vanilla" folks, I didn't have any actual fun experience with the erotic game Bliss, but I did review the trial version of it a long time ago for a Web site, and it looked like good, conventional-sex fun.

Bliss, if I understand it correctly, requires couples to be aware of and comfortable with each other's boundaries and preferences. It's one stage beyond what Mojo Upgrade aims to do.

I think there's a difference between using advertising/affilliates to sustain or grow a valuable service or tool, and launching a tool/service for the primary purpose of determining people's sexual preferences and then serving them targeted advertising.

You clearly don't see the site as valuable, but in my opinion it's offering a specific service that is available nowhere else (excepting, perhaps, a trusted therapist's office) and thus I see a couple of small adverts, visible only to those who use it all the way through, as pretty unobjectionable.
posted by Busy Old Fool at 2:49 PM on January 12, 2011 [1 favorite]