CAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!
January 18, 2011 11:40 PM Subscribe

Hyperbole and a Half discusses "Wolf Pack" - a game for six year old girls.
posted by loquacious (71 comments total) 33 users marked this as a favorite

Normally I would complain if there were so many posts from a single author on Mefi, but these are all so consistently awesome that every single post constitutes the best of the web.
posted by spiderskull at 11:46 PM on January 18, 2011 [36 favorites]

The M. Night Shyamalan screenplay practically writes itself!
posted by Ritchie at 11:57 PM on January 18, 2011

It should have ended after the girls start counting the second time. The rest is blather.
posted by Ardiril at 12:09 AM on January 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

I won't complain either, except to say that I've already bookmarked HaaH owing to previous posts in the Blue, so the post is rather superfluous.

That said, perhaps newcomers to MeFi might not have heard of the awesomeness that is Allie, so in that sense it might be okay.
posted by bwg at 12:30 AM on January 19, 2011

There is no 13 year old boy in the world that wouldn't have 'accidentally' doled out a busted nose or a split lip to a couple of the ringleaders.

At that point, the rest would lose the desire to play.

If the website in question had been named "Embellishment and an Inch", would you have remained skeptical?
posted by Smart Dalek at 12:55 AM on January 19, 2011 [11 favorites]

You couldn't have paid my brother cash money to "accidentally" hurt a six year old girl:

Wolf-Child: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! BEN HIT ME!
Mum: Ben, how could you! She's only a little girl!
Ben: But Mum, they mobbed me, and were biting me and -
Wolf-Child:WU-WU-WE WERE JU_JUST PLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGUUUUH! I THOUGHT YOU LI- LIK- LIIIIKED ME! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Mum: Ben. Room. Now. We'll discuss this later.
Ben: Scowl
Wolf-Child: (eats sympathy cake)
posted by Jilder at 1:26 AM on January 19, 2011 [45 favorites]

I like this alot.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 1:33 AM on January 19, 2011 [49 favorites]

There is no 13 year old boy in the world that wouldn't have 'accidentally' doled out a busted nose or a split lip to a couple of the ringleaders.

I dunno, I think there are a hell of a lot of thirteen-year-old boys who, when faced with Langolier six-year-old wolfesses, wouldn't know how to defend themselves -- and I can see the poor kid easily reduced to: OH SHIT OH GOD WHAT DO I DO IF I TOUCH THEM THEY WILL BREAK AND I'LL GET TAKEN TO THE JAIL TO BE KILLED

The picture of the girls cocking their heads at the call for cake reduced me to laughter dribble.
posted by monster truck weekend at 1:49 AM on January 19, 2011 [15 favorites]

As a former 13 year old boy, I promise you there is no situation in which I would punch a six year old girl. I would, however, be much better at running for my life. The key is you don't stop running when they stop counting.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 1:52 AM on January 19, 2011 [7 favorites]

^ Jilder illustrates why, in fact that tactic works even when the little girls are OLDER than you.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 1:54 AM on January 19, 2011

The real question is how many six year olds can we take on at any given time.
posted by Felex at 2:00 AM on January 19, 2011 [5 favorites]

Good lord, how many little flies were there?
posted by infini at 2:01 AM on January 19, 2011

That's why I avoid other people's children like the plague.
posted by Solomon at 2:08 AM on January 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

The real question is how many six year olds can we take on at any given time.

Indeed. This could be almost 17% more difficult than previous worst case scenario estimates.
posted by mosk at 2:20 AM on January 19, 2011 [3 favorites]

Dude should have climbed a tree. Wolves can't climb trees.
posted by Justinian at 2:21 AM on January 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

Dude should have climbed a tree. Wolves can't climb trees.

But this then begs the question whether six year olds know enough about wolves to know they can't climb trees...
posted by infini at 2:45 AM on January 19, 2011 [3 favorites]

or enough about deer to point out he'd be cheating.
posted by Apoch at 3:59 AM on January 19, 2011 [10 favorites]

Deer can't climb trees either.

Really, what the 13-year-old dude should have done was proposed a different premise for the game. Instead of Wolves vs. Deer (how the hell did he think that was going to end?), he should suggested Wolves vs. Bear. Then he could've justified wrapping himself in a thick blanket (bears have thick fur, proof against wolf bites), and administering the occasional cautionary bear hug.
posted by Ritchie at 4:02 AM on January 19, 2011 [4 favorites]

That was awesome. I went from there to here, and I think I woke up my neighbours with my maniacal giggling
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 4:07 AM on January 19, 2011 [3 favorites]

I hate, hate, hate seeing links to HaH at work. It means that I must explain why I'm making hyena sounds and crying while writhing on the floor.
posted by Slap*Happy at 4:19 AM on January 19, 2011 [15 favorites]

Normally I would complain if there were so many posts from a single author on Mefi, but these are all so consistently awesome that every single post constitutes the best of the web.

Hear, hear! From the FAQ:

Do you make a living doing this?

As of April 2010, yes. I finally make enough money from ads, merchandise and a part time online writing job to support myself. This is the first time in my life that I've been happy with my job.

posted by XMLicious at 4:24 AM on January 19, 2011 [12 favorites]

> Langolier six-year-old wolfesses

I'm forming a ska band just so I can call it this.
posted by davelog at 4:58 AM on January 19, 2011 [2 favorites]

This is the first time in my life that I've been happy with my job.

Persistence and excellence. You just need both.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 5:14 AM on January 19, 2011

I'm sure it was quite painful for him, but that was a necessary casualty for the game to feel convincing and fun.

Yes, yes, true for so many things. Aaaand... CAAAAAKE!
posted by Old'n'Busted at 5:17 AM on January 19, 2011

Allie is answering questions in the reddit thread.
posted by empath at 6:24 AM on January 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'm forming a ska band just so I can call it this.

Technically, for it to be a real ska band, it would have to be call LangSKAlier SKA-year-old WolfSKAsses.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:34 AM on January 19, 2011 [5 favorites]

As a former 13 year old boy, I promise you there is no situation in which I would punch a six year old girl.

Who said anything about punching? An 'accidental' elbow to the lip, or head-butt to the nose would take 'em down easy...

"But we were just playing!"

"Yeah, so was I, kid, so was I..."

When kids are roughhousing like that, 'accidents' happen all the time. It's how children learn.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 6:55 AM on January 19, 2011

At my elementary school whenever it was too rainy or icy outside, we had indoor recess. Indoor recess was not terribly exciting, as it consisted of sitting in the same classroom where we'd been all day. Older children - say, age 8 and up - were expected to pass indoor recess with puzzles and quiet board games and the like. The teachers and recess staff should have known that three days of winter rain and several days of subsequently icy surfaces outside were going to push even well-behaved 8-year-olds beyond the point of puzzles. By day three, we had invented a game more appropriate for our pent-up energies - it was called 'Cats'.

Cats initially consisted of, if memory serves, crawling around as fast as possible on all fours between the desks and chairs. If you met up face to face with any other cat, you were to start meowing and purring (if friendly) or hissing and growling (if not). By day four, Cats no longer involved purring, and had evolved to include swiping and clawing at the other cats.

As a result of this final innovation in game rules and outcomes, we made enough noise to attract the attention of a recess lady. The recess ladies just patrolled the hallways and kept a brief eye and ear on each classroom. Attracting the attention of a recess lady seems like it should have been a game ender. Instead, it resulted in bursts of hugely energetic and vicious play, like all of our energy had to be put into those precious three minutes of Cats we could get in before the recess lady came to chide us.

Children in Mrs. Sobel's third grade class came home from school that day with skinned knees and palms, and scratches on their arms and faces. Indoor recess on day 5 consisted of our teacher eating lunch at her desk, while we quietly assembled puzzles on the floor.
posted by palindromic at 6:58 AM on January 19, 2011 [14 favorites]

Those are some nice-looking wolves in figure 6.
posted by Wolfdog at 7:06 AM on January 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

I really don't care for this non-art art style that seems so prevalent these days. If I could I'd like to find the original seed idea where someone thought shitty MS Paint art was a cool aesthetic to emulate, and send a squad of T-1000s back in time to kill all their parents. Imagine if all the people who maybe can write but can't fucking draw didn't have their own webcomics. Then they could pair up with the decent artists who can't fucking write and maybe the world would be a better place.
posted by BeerFilter at 7:09 AM on January 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

This is great. Thanks for posting!
posted by Mister_A at 7:10 AM on January 19, 2011

I really don't care for this non-art art style that seems so prevalent these days

I know what you mean, and I mostly agree and sympathize....except in the case of this strip/story. I think the style captures the emotions and perspectives of the characters perfectly.

The said, the panels of the empty forest with just the "rrrrrr"s were particularly resonant, and made me feel kind of scared.

Awesome post - thanks!
posted by rtha at 7:26 AM on January 19, 2011 [3 favorites]

I really don't care for this non-art art style that seems so prevalent these days.

I love it. I think it's very expressive.
posted by empath at 7:38 AM on January 19, 2011 [8 favorites]

I really don't care for this non-art art style that seems so prevalent these days.

It may be overused, but some people can use the style effectively, and others can't. Allie is someone who can.
posted by Faint of Butt at 7:47 AM on January 19, 2011 [9 favorites]

BeerFilter:

Her art is crude, but it's absolutely essential to her storytelling. She has mastered pacing, comedic timing, narrative cues, composition and showing emotion with expression and body language, and yes, if you're that good at this stuff, you can excel with a pink square, an uneven circle and a little yellow triangle you made in MS Paint. Some of her more recent work shows she's progressing as an artist (her dog stuff, especially), but it's clear she takes a step back from that, as it would get in the way of her chosen style.

Charles Shultz and Gary Larson used to get all kinds of crap for not knowing how to draw, too.
posted by Slap*Happy at 7:57 AM on January 19, 2011 [19 favorites]

The real question is how many six year olds can we take on at any given time.

Hm, I love this game. I figure maybe 50-60, with a hangover. If I'm feeling good, maybe 90-100? If I never started smoking, I could start jogging a bit, and occasionally turn around and knock out the leader of the pack.

By doing this, I expect I could continue for about 3-4 hours. Knocking out 1 six-year-old every minute, we're talking 180 to 240 kids. That's a pretty big pile.
posted by thsmchnekllsfascists at 8:30 AM on January 19, 2011 [2 favorites]

we're talking 180 to 240 kids. That's a pretty big pile.

I want to see this in the cartoon so bad it hurts...
posted by infini at 8:38 AM on January 19, 2011 [5 favorites]

Imagine if all the people who maybe can write but can't fucking draw didn't have their own webcomics.

AND WHO TAUGHT DALI TO DRAW WATCHES I MEAN REALLY
posted by regicide is good for you at 9:10 AM on January 19, 2011 [7 favorites]

I really don't care for this non-art art style that seems so prevalent these days.

Great art requires limitations. MS-Paint was what Allie had to work with and she has mastered the medium. (That one frame from the fish story still slays me.)

I don't know what sort of dead-inside you're suffering from, BeerFilter, but I kind of envy your ability not to laugh at her art. Poor me is gonna have to wait to get home from work before suffering from uncontrollable guffaws.
posted by whuppy at 9:11 AM on January 19, 2011

dammit. I spoil my first ad hominem with an unclosed tag. You win this round!
posted by whuppy at 9:13 AM on January 19, 2011 [5 favorites]

I lurv the art in Hyperbole and a Half. The deliberately crude art is so wonderfully and effectively expressive.

My wife and I had a disagreement about whether Brosch could "really draw." I maintained that the crude art's effectiveness betrayed that she could; my wife remained skeptical. Until this one where she captured so well her dog's energy and poses (otherwise good artists frequently fail with animals for lack of having studied the relevant anatomy.)
posted by Zed at 9:33 AM on January 19, 2011 [5 favorites]

Normally Allie makes me cry with laughter, but this one just freaks me out. I was in a similar situation-- genders reversed, but the little bastard knocked me down and bit me till I bled. Too much sympathy for Benny makes this much less funny.
posted by cereselle at 9:44 AM on January 19, 2011

The real question is how many six year olds can we take on at any given time.

I forget, do we get a knife (4 to 6 inches) or are we the bear?
posted by bonehead at 9:59 AM on January 19, 2011

Then they could pair up with the decent artists who can't fucking write and maybe the world would be a better place.
posted by BeerFilter

Yeah maybe.
posted by Sailormom at 10:00 AM on January 19, 2011

I don't know what sort of dead-inside you're suffering from, BeerFilter, but I kind of envy your ability not to laugh at her art.

Heh, no worries, whuppy. I do ok. My comment was really just a statement of opinion about the MS Paint-like art style in general. Others disagree, it's cool. The part about sending the terminators back in time to kill people was just a bit of hyperbole.
posted by BeerFilter at 10:06 AM on January 19, 2011

...and a half?
posted by shiu mai baby at 10:21 AM on January 19, 2011 [3 favorites]

Too much sympathy for Benny makes this much less funny.

Alternately, the terror that comes from sympathizing with Benny makes it hilarious in a more hysterical fashion, if you catch my drift.
posted by stoneweaver at 10:38 AM on January 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

robocop is bleeding: "I'm forming a ska band just so I can call it this.

Technically, for it to be a real ska band, it would have to be call LangSKAlier SKA-year-old WolfSKAsses."

BTW this makes a great game. At one point, a friend and I had a running list of ska band names that was probably 100-150 possibilities long. Great way to kill time on a road trip.

Texas Chain Ska Massacre
Ska Face
Ice Ska-pades
12 Inc Ska-ck
...
posted by that's candlepin at 10:57 AM on January 19, 2011 [3 favorites]

Ska-Skank Redemption
posted by Navelgazer at 11:31 AM on January 19, 2011 [8 favorites]

I really don't care for this non-art art style that seems so prevalent these days.

Those lumpy foreshortened 8-year-olds capture the experience of looking down on a pack of kids better than any of Monet's dancers did, for example. And if you want "art style" (whatever that is) those wolves are drawn as sensitively as you can ask for. And the panel of the atmospheric woods and the footprints after the kids have gone? Fageddabaddit.

I think this is her best story so far. Not the funniest, but the best... she's gone there in the past but this one really allows the incredible sincerity that underlies all of the stories to run the show in a way I haven't seen before.
posted by cmoj at 11:44 AM on January 19, 2011 [4 favorites]

I don't normally like this style of art, but she does a wonderful job of it. Her dogs are just fabulous too, she really captures their personalities.

This is an awesome post, thank you! I have a new favorite blog.
posted by biscotti at 1:18 PM on January 19, 2011

I really don't care for this non-art art style that seems so prevalent these days.

Can we be done with this derail? It's diverting attention away from the more important discussion:

What is the most optimal strategy of surviving large packs of rabid 6 year olds?
posted by thsmchnekllsfascists at 1:39 PM on January 19, 2011

Brilliant and TRUEish, as always. I remember my oldest brother (a grown teenager) was sent to wake up my sister and me one summer morning when we were 6 and 5, and we decided to be stroppy about it. Family legend has it that my sister bloodied his nose and I broke the skin on his leg with my teeth, but that's just legend. Honest. It's not as if we had any woods to practice in, either.

Also: awwwww.
posted by maudlin at 1:52 PM on January 19, 2011

The reason this got to me, really, is that kids can be awful, terrible mini people. I got the same chills as when I read Piggy's death scene in the tenth grade.

(And her art is awesome).
posted by jenlovesponies at 1:53 PM on January 19, 2011 [2 favorites]

Imagine if all the people who maybe can use a keyboard but can only use it to fucking rehash tired Hollywood memes to make a point didn't have their Metafilter accounts. Then they could pair up with MiguelCardoso and maybe the world would be a better place.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 2:11 PM on January 19, 2011

I always assumed that her art was crude because it was presented from the perspective of an excited child, where everything is SHAPES AND COLOURS AND OHMYGODWHATISTHAT?!?

It is incredibly expressive. For me, that is the central purpose of art - to communicate the artist's intent. This does that very well.

But I would be interested to see what she could do outside of MS Paint.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 2:28 PM on January 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

That's pretty funny!
posted by BeerFilter at 2:29 PM on January 19, 2011

What is the most optimal strategy of surviving large packs of rabid 6 year olds?

TOANTSFO;ITOWTBS.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 2:41 PM on January 19, 2011

parp.
posted by exlotuseater at 2:56 PM on January 19, 2011 [6 favorites]

It's kind of surprising how many fans of H.P. Lovecraft don't know that he lived in abject poverty, and that malnutrition was a contributing cause to his death. It could be argued that he should have just manned up and gotten a job. Perhaps, but he certainly would not have been able to put as much work into his stories then. If his work had been valued by the marketplace just a bit more, he probably could have lived longer, and then he could have produced more work, refined his ideas just a little more, and we all could have been richer for it.

I am so glad that Allie Brosh has found a way to escape that cycle.
posted by JHarris at 5:55 PM on January 19, 2011 [3 favorites]

TOANTSFO;ITOWTBS

I googled this and this post was the only result. Elaborate please.
posted by thsmchnekllsfascists at 6:50 PM on January 19, 2011

thsmchnekllsfascists: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCbfMkh940Q
posted by aneel at 6:59 PM on January 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

Take Off And Nuke The Site From Orbit; It's The Only Way To Be Sure.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:05 PM on January 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'll start by saying that I just love Ms. Brosh's work so very much, which may render my opinion slightly biased, however; I am of the firm believe that the art style is very much a deliberate choice. She obviously has ridiculously good "real" art skills like anatomy, movement, perspective, placement...her stuff is brilliant at conveying exactly what she wants it to convey. It is meant to be accessible, easily absorbed, lightly glanced at, but deeply felt. It's genuinely brilliant comedic pathos.

Besides, she's given us Alot.
posted by dejah420 at 8:17 PM on January 19, 2011 [3 favorites]

This one was lovely, but I don't think I will ever get over how much I adored The Year Kenny Loggins Ruined Christmas, which might be the funniest thing I've ever read. And which I made the mistake of reading in the library while taking a break from studying for finals - whoops.
posted by naoko at 8:59 PM on January 19, 2011

Oh my God SHE WAS BITING HIS HEAD

I kept wanting to relax into the funny but it just kept getting more and more unsettling.

I agree with the guy above who said it's her best. Not her funniest, but her best so far. Which is saying Alot.
posted by merelyglib at 9:05 PM on January 19, 2011

I understand the people who find it unsettling - not everybody finds as much humor in unsettling situations as I do, aparently - but yeah, this may have made me laugh more than any of her other work, which is saying something as Allie Brosh might be the funniest person on the internet. My favorite bits:

The panels of the girls demanding that Benny play again, starting the countdown as the reality of his intractable situation becomes more and more palpable.

And this quote: "We had spent countless hours out in the forest, sharpening our hunting tactics on imaginary prey and we finally had an opportunity to put all of our practice to use on a real thing that would run away from us and struggle for survival. Unfortunately for Benny, we had not yet developed the ability to empathize with the pain and suffering of other people, and his terrified fleeing was pretty much the most fun thing that had ever happened to us. "

I actually had to take a breather because I was in pain at that moment.
posted by Navelgazer at 9:33 PM on January 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

I really don't care for this non-art art style that seems so prevalent these days.

I don't care for webcomics - particularly the clip-art type ones like Dinosaur Comics and Red Meat (yeah, I'm sure they aren't actually clip-art, but that's what they remind me of) - very much at all, but I love these. Her little girls are rather like a lo-fi Pete Bagge. And the pictures of the forest are very well executed.
posted by mippy at 8:45 AM on January 20, 2011

Re: palindromic
The first rule of playing Cats is, we do not talk about playing Cats.

lame I know... but was the first thing I thought of when I read your comment. Could be a movie script there somewhere. Fight Club meets Lord of the Flies meets... Dead Poets Society? Battle Royale? so many possibilites!
posted by joz at 4:46 PM on January 24, 2011

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