April 8, 2002

2:05 PM

Is this the script to Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones? It seems to be the same film Harry Knowles claims to have watched. (If you prefer, there's a .txt file version here.)
posted by Reggie452 (14 comments total)

'I have a bad feeling about this ...'

Well someone was bound to say it... I will say that this feels too much like a real script for it not be the actual thing. Too bad. Is nothing sacred anymore? And who leaked it?
posted by feelinglistless at 2:26 PM on April 8, 2002

It sounds like it's based on what has been shown in the trailers so far. I don't think it's the real thing™.
posted by riffola at 2:33 PM on April 8, 2002

Someone is totally headed for the belly of the Sarlacc, where they will experience a new definition of pain and suffering as they are slowly digested over a thousand years.
posted by jpoulos at 2:34 PM on April 8, 2002

Leaked it Schmeaked it. Who cares? We already know that little baby Anakin becomes evil meanie Darth. So there's no way to spoil this second installment in the sextuplogy. It has been spoiled for us. People don't watch Star Wars for the plot anyway - but for the sensory overload. *VBG*

I saw a similar plot spoiler some months ago and I can only assume this is roughly the same thing Knowles has already seen and that we will probably see sometime this summer. And yes, I still plan to see it just as I saw the first episode. Unlike most Star Wars fans I do not believe Lucas is "raping our childhood" as Knowles so eloquently put it.

Jar Jar Binks is some kind of disturbing attempt at a tribute to everything from Amos & Andy to Rochester. I find him offensive, and I'm not black. However, I'm also reminded of the pranks that Ted Danson & Whoopi Goldberg used to play on people when they were dating. Jar Jar is performed by a black man, with a lot of help from cgi. When one contemplates that Lucas' inspiration of Star Wars stems strongly from the old b/w theater serials of his own childhood, Jar Jar's presence makes some slanted and curiously disturbing sense. It also dares us to re-evaluate our own opinions of racism.

Jar Jar Binks is NOT black. Granted, he is portrayed by a black man. Jar Jar sounds like the stereotypical black person of the early half of the 20th century which most intelligent human beings take as an offense today. Yet he is not that black stereotype. He's an alien. So why do we overlay our racist disgruntlings over a character who existed (fictitiously) so long ago and so far away? What I personally find offensive about Jar Jar is not Lucas' stealing from a stereotype, but how Jar Jar is blatant sidekicking attempts at humor so laborious as to be unfunny.

Similar things can be said about the badguy henchlings of episode one from the Trade Federation - they appeared to be blatant stereotypes of WW2 period asians. Again offensive to many, but how can they be offensive when they're not in the least bit asian? The story doesn't even take place in this galaxy! Is Lucas wrong to allow the overlay of stereotypes from his childhood, or are we wrong for seeing them?

And Anakin is supposed to be an annoying spoiled brat. He turns into the bad guy. We're supposed to not like him as he grows older. However we are supposed to see that perhaps he could have been saved and Darth Vader didn't have to happen, while still admitting that we already know how this tragedy ends so whether he's sweet or a rebellious James Dean clone, he's beyond redemption.

Perhaps the Star Wars prequels were beyond redemption before Lucas started working on them. What's the point of telling a tale where we already know the outcome? Maybe Lucas already knows this so when people take offense to Jar Jar Binks, his response is to shrug and go play with his millions of dollars worth of toys.
posted by ZachsMind at 2:38 PM on April 8, 2002

looks fake.

very bad spelling, too, by the way. one hopes that Lucas has someone to check grammar and stuff for him.
and anyway Knowles is slightly less reliable than Drudge on a bad day, so...
posted by matteo at 2:48 PM on April 8, 2002

I've no first hand experience of Coruscant, or as a Brit have much conception about what "down town" is. It does seem odd though that a planet TPM led us to believe is one big city has a down town at all.

I feel dirty for pointing this out.
posted by vbfg at 2:48 PM on April 8, 2002

The special effects of that link sucked.
posted by winterdrm at 4:21 PM on April 8, 2002

Wow, this'll be great if it is. I flipped to a random point, and got this classic dialogue:

PADMÉ
...We used to lie on the sand and
let the sun dry us... and try to
guess the names of the birds
singing.

ANAKIN
I don’t like sand. It’s coarse
and rough and irritating, and it
gets everywhere. Not like here.
Here everything’s soft... and
smooth...

bwa-chika-chicka
posted by smackfu at 5:05 PM on April 8, 2002

I was about to say that only fanfic would use something this awful as its opening line:

We made it. I guess I was wrong, there was no danger at all.

cue EXPLOSION

But the I remembered the dialogue from Part I. So maybe this is real after all.
posted by ook at 8:32 PM on April 8, 2002

fake dialogue...
Anakin: My head is grease! Look Padme!
Padme: So's mine!
posted by davidgentle at 10:52 PM on April 8, 2002

What's the point of telling a tale where we already know the outcome?

Well, that's a pretty dumb question, Zach. Come on, now.

Still, that racial-analysis thing intrigues me. Dunno if that's all you, but good on ya for pulling it together...
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 5:56 AM on April 9, 2002

Going off on an episode I tangent...

It seems to me a big part of what made the first movies seem so rich and original was the obiviously huge backstory that was only hinted at it snatches. Now with the prequels we are being directly shown the backstory, but there doesn't seem to be much backstory to the backstory (if you know what I mean) to give the new movies any weight. Plus - as others have already said - we already know how it all turns out.
posted by cakeman at 10:13 AM on April 9, 2002

If it were such a huge deal that we already know how the story turns out, then nobody would ever have wanted to see the original STAR WARS: A NEW HOPE again after they'd seen RETURN OF THE JEDI, would they?
posted by Allen Varney at 11:34 AM on April 9, 2002

re: already know the ending

Riiiiiight ... *that* must be why LotR is doing so badly.
posted by GatorDavid at 9:40 AM on April 10, 2002