Ladies, the Lord is no longer available for dates

August 31, 2001 4:06 PM

Ladies, the Lord is no longer available for dates except in the afterlife.
I was really shocked to read about this, as I thought this guy was long since dead. It seems that Jesus, from Jesus.com was involved in an accident this morning in Westchester Pennsylvania. I'm going to Church.
posted by DragonBoy (35 comments total)

Yes, I know it is not real, but I wanted to post the link exactally as I saw it in an e-mail.
posted by DragonBoy at 4:09 PM on August 31, 2001

That's not very funny :(
posted by PWA_BadBoy at 4:11 PM on August 31, 2001

That's not very funny :(
Are you kidding? This is a riot! Lighten up a little.
posted by Bag Man at 4:18 PM on August 31, 2001

Mock God and shit happens.
posted by Brilliantcrank at 4:38 PM on August 31, 2001

shit tends to happen anyway - besides, that ain't God, its a dude with a beard..
posted by Mossy at 4:49 PM on August 31, 2001

Actually I think they featured him in a recent Maxim or Stuff magazine.. he does it to get laid
posted by PWA_BadBoy at 4:56 PM on August 31, 2001

It's terrible, but damn. I can't stop laughing. I'm a horrible, horrible person.
posted by fujikosmurf at 5:04 PM on August 31, 2001

hmmm... i wonder what mr. jesus is doing right now? and what will become of his site? what happens to a site when the creator (no pun intended) dies?
posted by kant breathe at 5:05 PM on August 31, 2001

You guys do know that that's a Web site that allows you to fake up news reports about people's deaths, right?
posted by kindall at 5:09 PM on August 31, 2001

hot damn, that had me going for nearly 30 secs. not bad.
posted by foist at 5:12 PM on August 31, 2001

He's freakin jesus. He'll rise again.
posted by justgary at 5:13 PM on August 31, 2001

Mock shit and God happens.
posted by jcterminal at 5:17 PM on August 31, 2001

wow, someone did this before jesus.
posted by mathowie at 5:36 PM on August 31, 2001

Got Britney too. Maybe Jesus is on a date with her in the afterlife right now.
posted by skallas at 5:40 PM on August 31, 2001

i just tried it with Condit on my boss. He didn't even blink. I think i've lost my credibility somehow. *sigh*
posted by th3ph17 at 5:50 PM on August 31, 2001

kant, you raise a good point.

Kinda like life insurance. Unpleasant to contemplate, but after you're gone, really... who's gonna take care of the mess you've left behind?
posted by chicobangs at 5:55 PM on August 31, 2001

The picture loads on this J-Ko one. (hoping I don't die a horrible death on a Pennsylvania turnpike for correcting Matt.)
posted by machaus at 5:57 PM on August 31, 2001

I was genuinely upset about this. I really love that guy.

not a funny joke at all...
posted by isildur at 6:22 PM on August 31, 2001

DAMNIT, its not letting me make one!
posted by howa2396 at 6:23 PM on August 31, 2001

More people should laugh about the silly things in religion instead of getting so offended by things like Jesus.com

Anybody who gets defended by something like that is just sad.
posted by kingmissile at 6:50 PM on August 31, 2001

Funny how Buddha or Mohammed never seem to be a target of all the "hilarity"......
posted by bunnyfire at 6:53 PM on August 31, 2001

This hasn't been Jesus's week, especially after this incident.
posted by skallas at 6:54 PM on August 31, 2001

jesus dead rules.
posted by Satapher at 7:06 PM on August 31, 2001

bunnyfire, I just got back from a super hottt three-way with buddha and mohammed. My man buddha is hung like a horse! And that mohammed got some great abs.

(better?)
posted by mathowie at 7:16 PM on August 31, 2001

*cries*
posted by baby jesus at 7:27 PM PST on August 31


Hey, wow!! And I was just about to post that this is the kind of thing that would make the Baby Jesus cry! Talk about your serendipity... ;)

Ahem. My favorite fake news story URLs are the ones that use the syntax http://www.cnn.com@356731398/news/stories.. etc.., where the several digit number is the encoded IP address of the server, and the www.cnn.com gets passed as an otherwise ignored variable by the server as it serves up the news story- thus allowing the casual eye to think the URL/address line is really from cnn (or whatever) when closer inspection reveals the fake... I've actually been fooled by those on a couple of occasions...
posted by hincandenza at 7:39 PM on August 31, 2001

"Funny how Buddha or Mohammed never seem to be a target of all the "hilarity"....."

well shit homie. what's funny about buddha? he's funnier than any stories *about* him i'm sure.

why do you think he's always smiling?
posted by jcterminal at 8:49 PM on August 31, 2001

whats there to make fun of buddha?

he was basically all like : "dude, im just a dude too. if you agree with some of the stuff im saying then that rules man. but if some of the stuff im saying doesnt really fly with you then thats cool too... just dont go boiling people in oil or some sh*t"

while jesus was more like : "REPENT OR FOREVER BURN IN HELL, oh yah and i love you"

but thats just me. i kinda lost my liking of christianity when my preacher told me (when i was 8) that my hindu friend would go to hell if he wasnt converted.

blah.
posted by Satapher at 10:14 PM on August 31, 2001

Seriously, once knew someone who was looking forward to dying and going to heaven so she could have bang Jesus. No, Really!
posted by ilsa at 10:37 PM on August 31, 2001

OK, as per bunnyfire's suggestion:

Buddha killed in accident
posted by SergeM at 11:39 PM on August 31, 2001

Knowing it is extremely stupid to make a serious comment on a thread like this(but i never let it stop me before, right?)........it is , pardon the expression, somewhat enlightening to see the difference between eastern and western culture displayed so dramatically. In the West, it seems that no public figure is immune to ridicule, no matter what position he or she may hold-we take no one seriously, and see that as a virtue.

In the east, respect -for a ruler, a parent, authority-would make our friendly little thread here quite shocking.

For example-the Thai people as a group are quite fun loving. They even have a holiday where people throw buckets of water on others-strangers included.
But if you step on paper currency you go to jail-a picture of the King is on it. Yes, they mean it.
Cultural lesson over.
posted by bunnyfire at 8:35 AM on September 1, 2001

If you truly believe in Jesus, mocking him and impersonating him in order to fulfill all the sinful pleasures, is the true anti-thesis of Jesus and blasphemy to it's ultimate degree...so...as God would have it, lightening struck him down. I don't know if the fraudulent Jesus is having fun in heaven with the real Jesus right now....Since blasphemy is quite a sin, he might be saying, "Gee, what is that smell? Oh, it's my flesh burning!"
posted by Sonserae at 9:24 AM on September 1, 2001

Maybe people don't feel the need to make fun of Mohammed or Buddah because they're not bombarded with their "messages" every day? I don't see the people at the Mosque down the street sending their kids to my door to give me pamphlets about how I'm going to burn in hell if I don't believe the same thing they do.

Or maybe a guy who doesn't shave and wears a bathrobe all the time is funnier than a guy with manboobies. Hey, I just described my neighbors on either side...
posted by billybunny at 3:09 PM on September 1, 2001

haha. i wish i was insane.
posted by Satapher at 10:15 AM on September 2, 2001

You do know it's a joke, don't you Sonserae? Never mind - I've seen your site, and you don't.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 6:59 PM on September 2, 2001

Oh ye of little faith! Jesus has risen again in glory, as a car. But not just any car, but as a nitro burning 1400 horsepower top fuel dragster - The Big Bad Son of God
posted by otherchaz at 7:59 AM on September 6, 2001