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The drumming red cat is a classic show stealer.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by srednivashtar at 9:27 AM on November 13, 2019

The dancer in the orange shirt, about 45 seconds in.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jonathanhughes at 10:46 AM on November 13, 2019

I think it is difficult to "find what you love." I think it is more important to "love what you find." I am not living where I thought I would live, I am not working in the field I thought I would, and I am not with the person I thought I would be... but, I love every aspect of my life because I have discovered how to love my job, how to love my city and ultimately how to love my partner (who is WAY better for me than the person I thought I should be with). It's all about... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by AlliKat75 at 9:57 PM on October 5, 2011

It was 5 years ago next month. I was 36 and had never been on a date in my entire life (at least one I recognized while the date was occurring, rather than slapping my forehead afterwards). She was someone I knew from a small local activist group; I'd always enjoyed talking to her, but we were both shy, introverted types. We started communicating outside the group after she reached out to me on social media when I posted about returning to my apartment after a massive natural disaster. We... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Homeboy Trouble at 2:44 PM on May 11, 2018

Ronald Knox set out a ten rules of detective fiction during the golden age of detective novels (although he didn’t always follow them himself) and rule number one is:

The criminal must be someone mentioned in the early part of the story, but must not be anyone whose thoughts the reader has been allowed to follow.

There is a good episode about them on the shedunnit Podcast.... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by halcyonday at 1:40 AM on March 27, 2019 marked best answer

My now-husband:

1. We met at a party and he talked with me for a long time, asked me questions, complimented me, and sat next to me.
2. He left without getting my phone number, but found my okcupid profile and messaged me enthusiastically, writing a full paragraph, referencing our conversation at the party and asked me out using the word “date” in a straightforward unambiguous display of open romantic interest.
3. We ended up going to two... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by stockpuppet at 1:19 PM on September 5, 2019

Would your friends be up for going out for dessert / coffee / decaf at a non-licensed cafe? A lot of cafes can be a nice place to hang out; in my city, they are often quieter than bars and one near me hosts music nights.

I happen to have a pretty sober/non-drinking group of friends, and we spend a lot of time at cafes - including boardgame cafes - and at each others' houses drinking tea. The tea or coffee, like alcoholic drinks, is just an excuse to hang out and talk,... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jb at 7:57 AM on August 22, 2019

My twenties and early thirties were littered with corpses of mostly ill-advised relationships, because I was fucked in the head. Not saying you are fucked in the head, this is just my singleton story.

So, after I became disabled, a couple things happened. Men stopped seeing me the same way, alcohol causes nerve pain, so I don't do bars, and I've also become very cautious about relationships.

So here is my single life: Really full. Whereas before,... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by angrycat at 3:16 AM on September 30, 2013

Before I came out and transitioned, and even for a while after, I ended up in this headspace where the main thing I had to offer my sex partners was my ability to follow The Script. I didn't think I was attractive or fun to be with or anything like that. And I definitely wasn't enjoying my own body. But I knew what to do and say, in what order, to make the other person feel good. And when anxieties about performance came up, I reassured myself that I was following The Script and that made the... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by nebulawindphone at 2:35 PM on August 5, 2019 marked best answer

Hard to tell what's missing without knowing what you are doing, but the keys for me if you are using a premade curry paste are frying the paste or powder a bit with nothing else but a little oil to bring out the best notes, and making sure I use a bit of fish sauce in the curry. As mentioned by smcameron, salt matters a lot.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by advicepig at 9:03 AM on July 23, 2019

This thread is a great example of site demographics. I'm 31, so

I suppose it does remind us that there are a significant few here who are in their mid-fifties on upward and thus have lucid memories of happenings fifty years ago. I'm just a few days short of sixty myself and, even if we didn't have this milestone to observe, I suspect I'd be reflecting back more than usual.

Last night, I was thinking of my grandfather (my... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by philip-random at 11:15 AM on July 20, 2019

Addendum: For any of you with children who aspire to a STEM-oriented education & career, I have two words: First Robotics.

It's an utterly fantastic program top to bottom, & if you don't have a team in your area, you can up & start one yourself if you can find a willing teacher at your kid's school. Both of my kids made nationals at different times, & it was probably the best, most inspiring experience of their secondary educations. It doesn't hurt to... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Devils Rancher at 10:45 AM on July 20, 2019

What does it mean to me? I was totally steeped in the entire moonshot business as a small child & of course I wanted to be an astronaut. More than anything in the world. To me it wasn't just a career, but struck me as the highest possible attainment on could aspire to as a human being at the time, & I still mostly feel that way. I think the Apollo astronauts rank amongst the greatest explorers of all human history.

I discussed it with adults & it was brought... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Devils Rancher at 10:31 AM on July 20, 2019

The Council Of Nerds has ruled on this, it's Tang.
posted to FanFare by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 9:04 AM on July 18, 2019

Hmmm, this thread is a little depressing to me, because it's identical to the first one that was ever posted, essentially. (This post is focused on mefi as a business, not a community)

When you first talked about huge revenue issues like what 5 years ago, and every year since then, 3 key issues emerged.

1. Plunging revenue from ads, specifically Google
2. Steady decline of user base and user activity
3. Increasing... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by smoke at 6:56 PM on July 11, 2019

I think it's time we start going for it.

It was time five years ago when we had this thread, all the suggestions about fundraising structures, membership and governance many of us made then were pooh-poohed, and now the site is pretty much where those folks predicted it would be without some real management changes and restructuring. This might be too little too late.

I don't have any confidence in this plan. It's at best... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Miko at 1:17 PM on July 10, 2019

What I hear at the base of this question is a desire to avoid suffering, which, unfortunately, is not something you can do. You will age, get sick, suffer and die, along with everyone else you know. Creating a marriage with an escape clause will not exempt you from this terrible truth.

The trick we all need to work on is to root ourselves somewhere deeper than “happiness” — to devote ourselves to a life-meaning which doesn’t completely dissolve in the face of... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by hungrytiger at 1:06 PM on July 8, 2019

Well, I didn't start a business but I did leave a marriage taking two kids with me, after having been a stay-at-home mom for 7 years, one year into my first full-time job where my contract was ending in two weeks - no next job in hand.

What helped me do it was:

(a) having absolutely made up my mind to do it -- after vacillating for eight solid years (trying different strategies to make the marriage work, going to counseling,... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by MiraK at 11:52 AM on June 20, 2019

A few years ago I was walking back into the Loop at night with a boyfriend, and we got harassed by one of those shoeshining panhandlers.

He approached, asked the boyfriend if he wanted his shoes shined, he said no thank you, guy followed us and scrambled down to rub some stuff on the boyfriend's shoes anyway, we said no thanks, guy followed us the better part of the next block being weird. Anyway, at some point I said to him, "look man, we're just trying to go... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by phunniemee at 11:16 AM on November 19, 2013

I strongly disagree with the advice not to apply via job ads. Keep applying to them. Yes, it is how most positions are filled (the stat about "90% of jobs aren't listed" or somesuch was meant to refer to executive searches). I cannot stress enough how strongly I disagree with the advice to cold-call companies. It's more likely to get you blacklisted than to get you a job.

Use your social network not to "get an in with hiring... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by capricorn at 12:07 PM on February 14, 2019

I am not a therapist nor your therapist and this is not psychological advice.

My best friend struggles the way you do. shitty internal monologue, lack of motivation, hatred for his own actions. The advice that I give him, which works sometimes and well enough those times that I give him this pep talk regularly, is that the difference between the person you are and the person who does things you want is..just doing the things.

There is no... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by FirstMateKate at 7:39 AM on June 17, 2019

It was lovely to see everyone! Perfect weather.
posted to MeFi IRL by zamboni at 11:10 AM on June 8, 2019

I'm reminded that metafilter is basically middleclass -whitepeoplefilter every time there's an ask about racism and a bunch of middleclasswhitepeople jump in to decide for the rest of us what does or doesn't constitute racism- racism in the abstract is Bad, but in the concrete actions that a whitemefite might find themselves or a loved one doing, there's a chorus of racism denial.

As in much of middleclasswhitelib-land, I often feel like our visible inclusion as part of... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by windykites at 10:53 PM on June 6, 2019

I stayed out of the Outragefilter thread that spawned this one because Metafilter doesn't really have a problem with outragefilter as long as it prioritizes the outrage of white women. Minority anger, irritation or just snippiness gets deleted or mod noted.

THIS SO HARRRRRRRD. And given this tendency by white women (and white people who are minorities in other ways) to go "BUT I'M OPPRESSED TOO SO I CAN'T POSSIBLY BE RACIST HOW DARE YOU", it... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by divabat at 10:27 PM on June 6, 2019

Thank you to everyone who mentioned the "We White People" construction as it is used around here. "We White People of Metafilter" has been a pet peeve of mine for years, so much so that I almost made a MeTa about it at least 5 years ago. Not everyone here is white. Where does "we white people" leave me, am I still in the conversation? I brought this up in a thread a year or so ago and a white mod came out of the woodwork to condescend to me along the lines of,... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by ActingTheGoat at 9:54 PM on June 6, 2019

We've had this discussion before. A billion times. But when I couldn't even trust my own post about allowing links from acquaintances to get posted in a timely matter, when it got pushed back months and months because the mods "forgot", how am I supposed to trust that you'll take this thread seriously? How can I trust that you won't just do the bare minimum - or assume that this thread is the bare minimum? Free (or rather, WE paid YOU) consultancy yay!... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by divabat at 4:38 PM on June 6, 2019

Why are we all blaming his girlfriend? It's equally possible that he decided "wow, I feel like my relationship with the OP is a little too close now that I am dating Susan, and I am going to dial it back--but I don't really know how to be direct about this with her, so I'm going to just fade." Or it's equally possible that he's madly in love and busy and isn't responding to anyone's texts. There are infinite possibilities, and you will likely never know which one or combination of them... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by sockermom at 1:47 PM on June 6, 2019 marked best answer

this obsessing suggests that there IS a bigger problem, one that you haven't acknowledged.

Based solely on the very limited info you've provided us here, I'm guessing the actual problem is that you are growing out of the phase of your life where platonic "cuddle" sessions are right for you and your definition of monogamy, but you haven't quite come to terms with that yet.

Or, maybe what's really bothering you is that your girlfriend IS... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by fingersandtoes at 7:19 AM on June 1, 2019

Thank you all :) Looks like I probably dodged all the possible dogginess. (Autocorrect typo and it stays for the unintended yet tragically accurate description of my run through the park this morning.)
posted to Ask MetaFilter by schadenfrau at 12:53 PM on June 1, 2019

Definitely see a therapist. But I am going to give you a little bit of tough love. It is totally okay to experience those feelings (which I guess are fear? Judgement? Truthfully they sound more like judgy voices from the past than feelings to me.)

But...I had a daughter, and she died. Do I mourn her flawless baby skin, or the symmetry of her face? No, I mourn that she did not get to run down the beach with my other kids on Sunday, sand in their shoes, looking for... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by warriorqueen at 12:59 PM on May 27, 2019

See your doctor. There are many conditions that can exacerbate relatively “normal” anxiety to such a large degree as you have described.

Also: a therapist once suggested to me : “Quit your job. Don’t tell anyone, especially your employer. Keep going into work, do what you can, but with the mindset that you’ve left your job and are looking for something else.”
posted to Ask MetaFilter by armoir from antproof case at 7:23 PM on May 19, 2019

Katamari Damacy is probably my favorite game of all time -- a joyful tone, unique and intuitive gameplay that's also deeply satisfying, a timeless design aesthetic, and one of the greatest soundtracks ever made. There's a reason it's one of the few video games included in the permanent collection of the MoMA, along with other landmarks like Tetris and Myst. It also got a note-perfect HD port for the Switch last year (Katamari Damacy Reroll), including a two-player... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Rhaomi at 11:19 AM on May 19, 2019

I hit the bottom in terms of my emotional and physical health between 2014 and 2017, and came to the conclusion that my closets were among my biggest health threats. If it's all the same and just arbitrary, why is passing, a set of rituals I perform to negotiate a professional world and the potential for street violence, causing more and more distress? And some of that may be trauma because I've been emotionally, physically, and sexually abused because I didn't always pass,... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by GenderNullPointerException at 7:00 AM on May 2, 2019

I was assigned male at birth (AMAB) and now feel firmly nonbinary, but the most freeing thing to me is knowing that for me, that's not set in stone. When I first reconnected with that gender euphoria of women's clothes at 41, I wondered if non-binary was just a way to ease into the idea that maybe I am a trans woman. I weeks between when wear things bought in the men's section, but as I've become more comfortable just poking around the edges, I really do appreciate have the entire range of... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by advicepig at 3:06 PM on May 2, 2019

I feel like this is a real different experience depending on your assigned sex at birth and your relationship with femininity and feminism. I'm AMAB, so maybe take this with a grain of salt.

These days I'm equally likely to call myself "woman," "nonbinary," or both. Getting here was a real step-by-step process, and there are probably more steps to come: I don't think I've necessarily arrived at any kind of permanent equilibrium. I... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by nebulawindphone at 7:34 AM on May 2, 2019

I'm AFAB, queer, and although it's not the trendiest of terms when it comes down to a label I like to call myself a demigirl. I have days where I'm definitely a woman and then less often but no less true I have days where I'm definitely not a woman. I never ID as male. It is definitely bound up somewhere with my general anxiety, and my whole personal neuroatypical cocktail, but it's definitely a thing that is separate from (but related to) the fallout of being socialized female in a patriarchal... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Mizu at 9:06 PM on May 1, 2019

So I'm genderfluid/queer/genderqueer whathaveyou, and for me I've just always been like this but I didn't know there was a word for what I was until I was older. It was apparently so obvious that at 25 when I told my mom I was genderfluid she just looked at me and said, "yes, I know, you always were." I had a distinct advantage in that growing up in San Francisco the ambient homophobia was considerable lower than in other places. I just don't get why I have to chose a gender or why... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Homo neanderthalensis at 8:04 PM on May 1, 2019

You are not your Wikipedia entry - a life, well lived, with love and modest service to others, is more than enough.

I am thirty this year and dramatically changed my life once I realised that fact. Years of crushing depression and anxiety have lifted.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by By The Grace of God at 7:09 AM on April 30, 2010

I'm just finishing up the first year of my thirties, but one thing that makes me happy, is that while I still struggle with the same types of personal issues, traumas, mental health stuff, and personality traits that I always have, I'm at this point much more aware of how my own mind works, and I have much better coping mechanisms for shutting stuff down before it gets bad or spirals out.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by ITheCosmos at 2:43 PM on July 30, 2017

Nthing the new lack of fucks given from women in their 30s. I give sooooo few fucks nowadays and I was a compulsive giver of fucks (literally and figuratively) through my 20s, and it's so relieving.

Also, you will get a lot more confident at work. In my 20s, I was regularly given feedback (BY DUDES) that I was too quiet and too meek and I needed to speak up and be my own advocate. They were right, but I didn't have the confidence and expertise yet. I didn't do it until I... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by millipede at 1:28 PM on July 30, 2017

My 30s were a period of extreme personal growth. And as a lot of women will tell you, every decade brings an increase in dont-give-a-fuck.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Room 641-A at 8:47 AM on July 30, 2017

Finally registered for MeFi after years of lurking because this has been literally me, and I'm starting to get out of it.

What worked for me was finally being able to let go of a sense of having to achieve a certain standard of work or anything - now I'm just trying to do whatever I can and be ok with that, and not worry about how X time ago I would've done N times more or whatever. I know, easier said than done, and it took a while to actually be able to think like... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by sleepy_fork at 9:30 AM on April 16, 2019

We try and do a staycation every year. Here's what we do:

- Make a thing of breakfast - pancakes, waffles, eggs and bacon, local cafe - whatever takes your fancy. Read the paper, no gadgets, just chill over a leisurely breakfast. Maybe even in bed.
- At least 2 of the days should be flop around days. All day in pyjamas, pull a mattress and every pillow you own into the loungeroom, watch movies and read books with cocktails and finger foods. Bonus points if... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by shazzam! at 8:44 PM on August 19, 2015 marked best answer

Relaxing Car Drive is a classic in this genre.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by CheeseLouise at 9:11 AM on April 18, 2019

How can I find a good balance between doing what I want to do for myself, and doing my duty as a good person?

I don't like that framing. It is rooted in a mental model of sacrifice and in the idea that it must cost you something and you have to give until it hurts in order to be "good." I really strongly dislike that concept. I have spent a lot of years trying to find a different way to frame such questions.

I think... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Michele in California at 1:37 PM on April 23, 2015 marked best answer

GenderNullPointerException: thank you for the pointer to Janelle Shane. She answered my email query very kindly.

Young Kullervo: thank you. The coding lack is a big barrier.

lollusc: that class could be a fine resource for the students wanting to go farther.

Nonsteroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drug: that Raspberry Pi project is interesting. I should check into the university to see who's using it now. I'll also ping Lobe.... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by doctornemo at 7:25 PM on April 13, 2019

Its not quite as far out as you are looking for (and touches on the apocalypse as well), but you might enjoy Station Eleven for some of the themes around reconstruction.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Northbysomewhatcrazy at 2:04 PM on April 12, 2019

Your wife is checking out a feeling she has, and that's appropriate. I think the massage is great, maybe your Mom would teach some massage techniques to your wife?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by theora55 at 10:29 AM on April 10, 2019

Your wife is allowed to feel however she feels about this, whether anyone else agrees that it is “weird” or not. Teaching about consent is a good idea. The flip side of this is that your wife does not have to consent to touching anyone in a way that makes her uncomfortable, so if your daughter is asking for touching as a way to calm down, your wife does not have to provide it if she is not comfortable. It can be something your daughter does with Grandma.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by corey flood at 8:30 AM on April 10, 2019

I feel you.

Because I'm in a really competitive environment at the moment (post PhD program, trying to write and publish) I practice a kind of aggressive nonviolence when it comes to competition. It's really important to me to see the systems I'm involved in (academia, publishing) as the enemy, so I can avoid feeling that way about other people at my level. Since I really do believe these systems are exploitative and semi-evil, it fuels a feeling of solidarity with my... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by pretentious illiterate at 1:19 PM on April 15, 2014