First sign you're living in a work of dystopian fiction.
March 6, 2009 2:11 AM Subscribe
If you want a vision of the future, imagine an apple stamping on a human face - forever.
An apple is just an apple, right? Wrong! If you think that, you are already missing out. Jazz Apples are the rising star of the apple world. Hotly tipped and super tasty – the apple of the future, but just why are they gaining such a reputation?
An apple is just an apple, right? Wrong! If you think that, you are already missing out. Jazz Apples are the rising star of the apple world. Hotly tipped and super tasty – the apple of the future, but just why are they gaining such a reputation?
This post was deleted for the following reason: This FPP is like Jazz: The concept isn't as important as the execution -- vacapinta
i love the concept of your post but i dont think it works
posted by lucia__is__dada at 2:18 AM on March 6, 2009
posted by lucia__is__dada at 2:18 AM on March 6, 2009
Every since I read about the Honeycrisp ( from metafilter I believe) I've really really wanted to try one.
posted by like_neon at 2:31 AM on March 6, 2009
posted by like_neon at 2:31 AM on March 6, 2009
I don't get it. But the fact the "legal" and "privacy" pages were blank was a bit disconcerting.
posted by rokusan at 2:42 AM on March 6, 2009
posted by rokusan at 2:42 AM on March 6, 2009
I don't get the dystopian fiction reference. Are these apples made out of people?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:43 AM on March 6, 2009
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:43 AM on March 6, 2009
I think hallucinogens are responsible for a lot of these late-night/early-morning 'what' posts. I'm actually surprised there aren't any dystopian apples over on AskMe and Metatalk.
posted by dunkadunc at 2:47 AM on March 6, 2009
posted by dunkadunc at 2:47 AM on March 6, 2009
softcore pomme de terre
posted by DU at 2:53 AM on March 6, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by DU at 2:53 AM on March 6, 2009 [1 favorite]
No, that would be if the apples were sitting on a human face... forever.
posted by dunkadunc at 2:55 AM on March 6, 2009
posted by dunkadunc at 2:55 AM on March 6, 2009
Apples: the new taters
posted by waraw at 2:56 AM on March 6, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by waraw at 2:56 AM on March 6, 2009 [1 favorite]
I can't recall ever eating a normal apple and thinking to myself, "If only someone would create an apple that was more hotly tipped"
posted by jadayne at 3:00 AM on March 6, 2009
posted by jadayne at 3:00 AM on March 6, 2009
They sound like a product you'd see in a Paul Verhoeven movie. Total Recall/Robocop rather than Showgirls. I'll admit, I have posted with a hangover.
posted by Brian Lux at 3:07 AM on March 6, 2009
posted by Brian Lux at 3:07 AM on March 6, 2009
I thought this post was going to be about the new iMac update.
posted by oulipian at 3:15 AM on March 6, 2009
posted by oulipian at 3:15 AM on March 6, 2009
In my mind, I'm picturing the kind of business that would make a website like this:
The business hasn't been doing very well for a while, and the boss is a petty tyrant who has no idea how inept they are. Suddenly, the boss has the brilliant idea to advertise on the internet, but instead of hiring a pro for the website, they hire some poor starving college grad who's driving the apple truck to design it.
Thing is, not only is the boss abusive to the web designer, the boss insists that he be the one to write the copy- and it's bad, really, really bad. Thing is, nobody says anything because they could be fired at any moment, so the web designer just incorporates the boss's copy ("hotly tipped", &c.) with nasty blue gradients and fills the site with innuendo-laden pictures of one of the girls from the office.
Everyone thinks this is a hoot, in a disgruntled-worker kind of way.
posted by dunkadunc at 3:27 AM on March 6, 2009
The business hasn't been doing very well for a while, and the boss is a petty tyrant who has no idea how inept they are. Suddenly, the boss has the brilliant idea to advertise on the internet, but instead of hiring a pro for the website, they hire some poor starving college grad who's driving the apple truck to design it.
Thing is, not only is the boss abusive to the web designer, the boss insists that he be the one to write the copy- and it's bad, really, really bad. Thing is, nobody says anything because they could be fired at any moment, so the web designer just incorporates the boss's copy ("hotly tipped", &c.) with nasty blue gradients and fills the site with innuendo-laden pictures of one of the girls from the office.
Everyone thinks this is a hoot, in a disgruntled-worker kind of way.
posted by dunkadunc at 3:27 AM on March 6, 2009
"Idared, it doesn't matter," she said
"As long as it's not a pear," she said
"Spartan, or maybe Cortland,
or even Kidd's Orange Red"
She made certain that the skin was spotted
They taste better than the greens that you fed
She leaned back, titled her head
And this is what she said...
"Honeycrisp; Granny Smith and Fuji
Honeycrisp; McIntosh and Gala
Honeycrisp; and cider made from Baldwin
Yeah, I hope it will last forever"
"Don't worry 'bout the worms", he said
Adds protein, it's not that bad
McIntosh, it's from Ontar'o
It gets shipped via the Fed
He knew better than to stare in the hole
It sinks through him like a rift in his soul
He looked still; it was brimming with mold
And this is what he told...
"Honeycrisp; Granny Smith and Fuji
Honeycrisp; Red Delicious and Gala
Honeycrisp; and cider made from Baldwin
Yeah, I hope it will last forever"
From the doctor, you'll stay away
If you eat only one every day
You'll sing songs and shout hip hip hooray!
And you'll never have to pay
They said, "Hey, man, I think apples are gay"
"And could it be it's preventing your lay?
"And is it possible we turned you this way?"
It's only natural to reply...
"Honeycrisp; Granny Smith and Fuji
Honeycrisp; McIntosh and Gala
Honeycrisp; and cider made from Baldwin
Yeah, I hope it will last forever."
Apologies to Bad Religion and anyone who had to read that, I'm tired.
posted by Lemurrhea at 3:40 AM on March 6, 2009
"As long as it's not a pear," she said
"Spartan, or maybe Cortland,
or even Kidd's Orange Red"
She made certain that the skin was spotted
They taste better than the greens that you fed
She leaned back, titled her head
And this is what she said...
"Honeycrisp; Granny Smith and Fuji
Honeycrisp; McIntosh and Gala
Honeycrisp; and cider made from Baldwin
Yeah, I hope it will last forever"
"Don't worry 'bout the worms", he said
Adds protein, it's not that bad
McIntosh, it's from Ontar'o
It gets shipped via the Fed
He knew better than to stare in the hole
It sinks through him like a rift in his soul
He looked still; it was brimming with mold
And this is what he told...
"Honeycrisp; Granny Smith and Fuji
Honeycrisp; Red Delicious and Gala
Honeycrisp; and cider made from Baldwin
Yeah, I hope it will last forever"
From the doctor, you'll stay away
If you eat only one every day
You'll sing songs and shout hip hip hooray!
And you'll never have to pay
They said, "Hey, man, I think apples are gay"
"And could it be it's preventing your lay?
"And is it possible we turned you this way?"
It's only natural to reply...
"Honeycrisp; Granny Smith and Fuji
Honeycrisp; McIntosh and Gala
Honeycrisp; and cider made from Baldwin
Yeah, I hope it will last forever."
Apologies to Bad Religion and anyone who had to read that, I'm tired.
posted by Lemurrhea at 3:40 AM on March 6, 2009
Sorry, but "jazz apples" just sounds like slang for...something.
posted by gene_machine at 3:41 AM on March 6, 2009
posted by gene_machine at 3:41 AM on March 6, 2009
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posted by dunkadunc at 2:14 AM on March 6, 2009