piss off pussy peepee
May 3, 2011 8:10 PM Subscribe
maybe that was "ROTFLMAO"... who knows what the heck a "Y" is...
posted by tomswift at 8:25 PM on May 3, 2011
posted by tomswift at 8:25 PM on May 3, 2011
He's from Australia, so instantly disqualified I'm afraid.
posted by Meatbomb at 8:31 PM on May 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Meatbomb at 8:31 PM on May 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
Having two indoor cats I am a cat lover. Yet the neighbor's cat walks all over my car, I can relate to his frustrations. This was really funny!
posted by JujuB at 8:33 PM on May 3, 2011
posted by JujuB at 8:33 PM on May 3, 2011
I am an unabashed cat lover (I spent most of the video with a fat orange cat on my lap) but it was hilarious. Thanks noob.
posted by ThaBombShelterSmith at 8:36 PM on May 3, 2011
posted by ThaBombShelterSmith at 8:36 PM on May 3, 2011
Someone needs to get this man a metafilter account, stat! Who knows when the next name-my-cat question is going to be posted? We need his talents!
posted by phunniemee at 8:40 PM on May 3, 2011
posted by phunniemee at 8:40 PM on May 3, 2011
Originally thought he was going to rig his car to be electrified (which likely wouldn't work, as anyone who watches Mythbusters would know).
I bet after a week or two you could disconnect the water and just the light would be enough.
posted by axiom at 8:41 PM on May 3, 2011
I bet after a week or two you could disconnect the water and just the light would be enough.
posted by axiom at 8:41 PM on May 3, 2011
I'm building one and setting it up next to my pillow when I leave the house. Fuck you, Elizabeth.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 8:44 PM on May 3, 2011 [6 favorites]
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 8:44 PM on May 3, 2011 [6 favorites]
Meatbomb: He's from Australia, so instantly disqualified I'm afraid.
Lovecraft, is that you?
posted by coriolisdave at 8:46 PM on May 3, 2011 [5 favorites]
Lovecraft, is that you?
posted by coriolisdave at 8:46 PM on May 3, 2011 [5 favorites]
"Seriously, I don't hate cats, but don't get me started on Ke$ha."
posted by Joey Michaels at 8:46 PM on May 3, 2011
posted by Joey Michaels at 8:46 PM on May 3, 2011
I think all cat owners secretly want to/love to torment their cats in tiny, innocuous ways. I confess to having briefly put tape on my cats' paws (laughing every second) and enjoying the shit out of this video.
posted by chaoticgood at 8:49 PM on May 3, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by chaoticgood at 8:49 PM on May 3, 2011 [2 favorites]
Love it. Even laughed out loud. Especially the Kesha references (I refuse to use the $).
But I wish the shot at the end about irresponsible owners letting their unsterilised cats roam free at night was on the screen for longer. Don't know about anywhere else, but in rural Australia it's a huge problem.
Hmm. A setup like this would probably take care of the drunk teenagers who piss in my garden on Friday & Saturday nights. That would be one home video I'd be thrilled to post on youtube.
posted by malibustacey9999 at 8:50 PM on May 3, 2011 [4 favorites]
But I wish the shot at the end about irresponsible owners letting their unsterilised cats roam free at night was on the screen for longer. Don't know about anywhere else, but in rural Australia it's a huge problem.
Hmm. A setup like this would probably take care of the drunk teenagers who piss in my garden on Friday & Saturday nights. That would be one home video I'd be thrilled to post on youtube.
posted by malibustacey9999 at 8:50 PM on May 3, 2011 [4 favorites]
Wonder how hard it would be to rig that up with spraypaint. Or oven cleaner.
posted by Sternmeyer at 8:51 PM on May 3, 2011
posted by Sternmeyer at 8:51 PM on May 3, 2011
absolutely brilliant. i'm reminded of an earlier motion activated video (from a cat owner) with a huge cat defense system including disco music and lights installed in a kitchen - miles above ssscat, or 'blender defenders' but without that aussie charm. poked through youtube for a bit, but anyone else recall that?
posted by armisme at 8:52 PM on May 3, 2011
posted by armisme at 8:52 PM on May 3, 2011
There is honestly nothing funnier than scaring a cat. Especially when they run straight into a wall afterwards.
posted by graventy at 8:53 PM on May 3, 2011 [4 favorites]
posted by graventy at 8:53 PM on May 3, 2011 [4 favorites]
I hated myself for laughing at those kitties.
But I think they'll have the last laugh. They will soon learn the one spot where the spray comes, and avoid it, but as dude said, there are lots of other places on his property where they like to urinate.
I know this because I got some device called "Scat!" or something which sprays a blast on compressed air when kitty goes past it (this was meant to discouraging him from scratching my dining room chairs to bits). He just learned to avoid that particular spot and continued scratching from non-targeted areas.
Definitely need some spaying/neutering down there... poor kitties missing eyes and ears; strays don't have an easy life.
posted by kevinsp8 at 8:57 PM on May 3, 2011
But I think they'll have the last laugh. They will soon learn the one spot where the spray comes, and avoid it, but as dude said, there are lots of other places on his property where they like to urinate.
I know this because I got some device called "Scat!" or something which sprays a blast on compressed air when kitty goes past it (this was meant to discouraging him from scratching my dining room chairs to bits). He just learned to avoid that particular spot and continued scratching from non-targeted areas.
Definitely need some spaying/neutering down there... poor kitties missing eyes and ears; strays don't have an easy life.
posted by kevinsp8 at 8:57 PM on May 3, 2011
Wonder how hard it would be to rig that up with spraypaint. Or oven cleaner.
Hah, hah! Actual animal torture! Hilarious.
posted by Threeway Handshake at 9:13 PM on May 3, 2011
Hah, hah! Actual animal torture! Hilarious.
posted by Threeway Handshake at 9:13 PM on May 3, 2011
Wonder how hard it would be to rig that up with spraypaint. Or oven cleaner.
I dunno, why don't you try it out and then stick your face in front of the sensor.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 9:29 PM on May 3, 2011 [17 favorites]
I dunno, why don't you try it out and then stick your face in front of the sensor.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 9:29 PM on May 3, 2011 [17 favorites]
All that work and all you really have to do is buy a motion sensor garden hose sprayer. I borrowed one from a friend a couple of years ago for this very purpose.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 9:48 PM on May 3, 2011 [5 favorites]
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 9:48 PM on May 3, 2011 [5 favorites]
Spayed and neutered is as far as I'll go.
I feel it would be immoral to execute a cat. They don't prey on humans.
Feral cats don't have a happy life when everyone in the neighborhood treats them like dirt. They tend to feel a lot more welcome when there's love to go around.
posted by lemuring at 9:52 PM on May 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
I feel it would be immoral to execute a cat. They don't prey on humans.
Feral cats don't have a happy life when everyone in the neighborhood treats them like dirt. They tend to feel a lot more welcome when there's love to go around.
posted by lemuring at 9:52 PM on May 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
They don't prey on humans
they prey on native birds
posted by the noob at 9:56 PM on May 3, 2011 [3 favorites]
they prey on native birds
posted by the noob at 9:56 PM on May 3, 2011 [3 favorites]
My nemesis is Pink Cat.
Pink Cat comes into our house through the cat door and eats our expensive dry cat food. Then he jumps on the dining table and wanders around on our kitchen bench looking for food. Pink Cat used to only do this at night when we were asleep, but he's got away with it for so long he just strolls in whenever he fucking feels like it and bolts when I get up.
At first I thought dealing with Pink Cat would be easy. I would switch the cat door to one way so he could get in but not out. When he tried to escape through the laundry I would corner him with a super soaker, drench his pink arse then let him go. Which was great in theory until Pink Cat went straight through the one way cat door and broke the fucking lock off.
For a couple of nights I waited in the spare room with a clear view of the laundry entrance and said super soaker. I'd nod off, wake up when he came only to alert him to my presence with my 'Mww..huh?' before I could soak him. I moved the food into the kitchen, connected a length of twine to the laundry door, and pulled it shut when he came in. I still don't know how he did it, but he just barrelled into the door and snapped the string in half.
One day I came home just as Pink Cat's tail was disappearing into our house through the cat door. I had moved the cat food to the bathroom near our bedroom hoping having to penetrate that deep into enemy territory would deter him, but no luck; still, I figured this time I could corner him in the hall, then lock him in the ensuite bathroom while I got my water gun ready. Sure enough, I opened the door and could hear him scarfing down our Science Diet down the hall. He heard me and bolted toward me. I reached down so fast to catch him that not only did I miss, I stabbed my pinky finger tip first into the floor and fucking broke it.
My latest plan involves converting the cat door back to one way by supergluing transparent plastic rulers across it on the inside - too light to notice, easy to see through, but when Pink Cat tries to leave, the rulers will push up against the door frame and stop him from escaping.
My plan after than involves one of those sentry guns from the special edition of Aliens.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 9:57 PM on May 3, 2011 [36 favorites]
Pink Cat comes into our house through the cat door and eats our expensive dry cat food. Then he jumps on the dining table and wanders around on our kitchen bench looking for food. Pink Cat used to only do this at night when we were asleep, but he's got away with it for so long he just strolls in whenever he fucking feels like it and bolts when I get up.
At first I thought dealing with Pink Cat would be easy. I would switch the cat door to one way so he could get in but not out. When he tried to escape through the laundry I would corner him with a super soaker, drench his pink arse then let him go. Which was great in theory until Pink Cat went straight through the one way cat door and broke the fucking lock off.
For a couple of nights I waited in the spare room with a clear view of the laundry entrance and said super soaker. I'd nod off, wake up when he came only to alert him to my presence with my 'Mww..huh?' before I could soak him. I moved the food into the kitchen, connected a length of twine to the laundry door, and pulled it shut when he came in. I still don't know how he did it, but he just barrelled into the door and snapped the string in half.
One day I came home just as Pink Cat's tail was disappearing into our house through the cat door. I had moved the cat food to the bathroom near our bedroom hoping having to penetrate that deep into enemy territory would deter him, but no luck; still, I figured this time I could corner him in the hall, then lock him in the ensuite bathroom while I got my water gun ready. Sure enough, I opened the door and could hear him scarfing down our Science Diet down the hall. He heard me and bolted toward me. I reached down so fast to catch him that not only did I miss, I stabbed my pinky finger tip first into the floor and fucking broke it.
My latest plan involves converting the cat door back to one way by supergluing transparent plastic rulers across it on the inside - too light to notice, easy to see through, but when Pink Cat tries to leave, the rulers will push up against the door frame and stop him from escaping.
My plan after than involves one of those sentry guns from the special edition of Aliens.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 9:57 PM on May 3, 2011 [36 favorites]
lemuring: Do feral cats give a damn about your love? If they do, I have a feeling they're probably not feral.
posted by 2N2222 at 10:07 PM on May 3, 2011
posted by 2N2222 at 10:07 PM on May 3, 2011
obiwanwasabi, they make cat doors with a sensor that will only open for a cat wearing a collar with a chip in it. It will keep out unwanted animals. Even pink cats.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 10:11 PM on May 3, 2011 [4 favorites]
posted by ActingTheGoat at 10:11 PM on May 3, 2011 [4 favorites]
2N2222: It takes time and patience, but you can get a feral cat to warm up to you and eventually trust you. It is very difficult, however, if the cat's been seriously abused humans.
posted by lemuring at 10:19 PM on May 3, 2011
posted by lemuring at 10:19 PM on May 3, 2011
"My plan after than involves one of those sentry guns from the special edition of Aliens."
posted by obiwanwasabi
Does that come in a big wooden crate with ACME on the side?
posted by Iron Rat at 10:24 PM on May 3, 2011 [4 favorites]
Heh. The ingenuity of the aussie bogan..
Family lore has it that I had a great uncle (died long before my time) who owned a clothing shop in western New South Wales. Successful little business, but it suffered from the great indignity of being situated two doors down from one of the local pubs. Every morning when he got into work, the recessed doorway to his shop would be covered in piss and vomit, and he'd have to spend an hour or two cleaning. He was never happy about it, because he was a decorated war veteran, and he didn't get machined gunned at Ypres just to have people piss on his rug.
So when electricity finally came to town, he saw a potential solution. He laid a copper plate under his doormat, wired mains power to it, then went home for the night. Middle of the night he hears a banging on his door. He tucks his bits into his longjohns, answers his door, and there stand two policemen.
'Mr .... ', they say, 'your shop is on fire and there is nothing we can do.' 'Shit' says he, 'where's the bloody fire brigade?' 'Well', say the police, 'the chief of the fire brigade had a heart attack on the footpath outside your shop right around the time the fire started..'
He moved his business to another town, and spent the rest of his days praying no-one saw what happened.
Dunno whether it's true or not, but I've always liked it as a story.
posted by Ahab at 10:27 PM on May 3, 2011 [18 favorites]
Family lore has it that I had a great uncle (died long before my time) who owned a clothing shop in western New South Wales. Successful little business, but it suffered from the great indignity of being situated two doors down from one of the local pubs. Every morning when he got into work, the recessed doorway to his shop would be covered in piss and vomit, and he'd have to spend an hour or two cleaning. He was never happy about it, because he was a decorated war veteran, and he didn't get machined gunned at Ypres just to have people piss on his rug.
So when electricity finally came to town, he saw a potential solution. He laid a copper plate under his doormat, wired mains power to it, then went home for the night. Middle of the night he hears a banging on his door. He tucks his bits into his longjohns, answers his door, and there stand two policemen.
'Mr .... ', they say, 'your shop is on fire and there is nothing we can do.' 'Shit' says he, 'where's the bloody fire brigade?' 'Well', say the police, 'the chief of the fire brigade had a heart attack on the footpath outside your shop right around the time the fire started..'
He moved his business to another town, and spent the rest of his days praying no-one saw what happened.
Dunno whether it's true or not, but I've always liked it as a story.
posted by Ahab at 10:27 PM on May 3, 2011 [18 favorites]
or the turrets from Portal . . .
"HellOOooo"
"can you come over . . . here?"
posted by exlotuseater at 10:28 PM on May 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
"HellOOooo"
"can you come over . . . here?"
posted by exlotuseater at 10:28 PM on May 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
"It takes time and patience, but you can get a feral cat to warm up to you and eventually trust you. It is very difficult, however, if the cat's been seriously abused humans."
There was a big, orange, Garfield-like cat on our block that did this. I guess he decided that street life was too hard, and started shopping for a new owner. He showed up on our front porch a bunch of times, and even gave us a dead bird, but we didn't appreciate what he was offering. He finally found a home with a single guy on the other side of the street, and lived there for many years. So it can happen.
posted by Kevin Street at 10:30 PM on May 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
There was a big, orange, Garfield-like cat on our block that did this. I guess he decided that street life was too hard, and started shopping for a new owner. He showed up on our front porch a bunch of times, and even gave us a dead bird, but we didn't appreciate what he was offering. He finally found a home with a single guy on the other side of the street, and lived there for many years. So it can happen.
posted by Kevin Street at 10:30 PM on May 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
obiwanwasabi, they make cat doors with a sensor that will only open for a cat wearing a collar with a chip in it.
Expensive, noisy doors.
Technology didn't give us the upper hand in 'Nam, son - just slowed us down. Worst case is the little pink bastards use it against us. One minute yo' takin' a nap on yo' porch, next thing y'know that wunnerful door is wired to yo' nutsack.
*spits tobacco*
posted by obiwanwasabi at 10:37 PM on May 3, 2011 [7 favorites]
Expensive, noisy doors.
Technology didn't give us the upper hand in 'Nam, son - just slowed us down. Worst case is the little pink bastards use it against us. One minute yo' takin' a nap on yo' porch, next thing y'know that wunnerful door is wired to yo' nutsack.
*spits tobacco*
posted by obiwanwasabi at 10:37 PM on May 3, 2011 [7 favorites]
I thought the funniest part was when he pissed on his own car.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 10:47 PM on May 3, 2011
posted by JohnnyGunn at 10:47 PM on May 3, 2011
I agree with the 'trap and neuter' ideas for strays, but most of these cats look fat and healthy, and several are wearing collars. I suspect this is a community of people who put their cats out at night.
I think I'd invest is some shock mats on the car. But this is hilarious, I will say.
posted by jrochest at 10:49 PM on May 3, 2011
I think I'd invest is some shock mats on the car. But this is hilarious, I will say.
posted by jrochest at 10:49 PM on May 3, 2011
As a total cat lover I have to say... I laughed my ass off.
posted by Decani at 11:05 PM on May 3, 2011
posted by Decani at 11:05 PM on May 3, 2011
Someone needs to get this man a metafilter account, stat! Who knows when the next name-my-cat question is going to be posted? We need his talents!
Actually I was kind of hoping for some kind of device that would detect when a user is about to post a comment about zalgo, taters, or any other worn out meme and spray them with a garden hose before they have the chance to submit.
posted by Rhomboid at 11:05 PM on May 3, 2011 [6 favorites]
Actually I was kind of hoping for some kind of device that would detect when a user is about to post a comment about zalgo, taters, or any other worn out meme and spray them with a garden hose before they have the chance to submit.
posted by Rhomboid at 11:05 PM on May 3, 2011 [6 favorites]
When I was in grad school in LA, I rented a large house with a half-dozen other students. A bunch of feral cats had taken up residence in the crawlspace. It was bad news all around.
I finally decided to do something about it. I spent a good hour in that horrid nightmare of a crawlspace shooing the cats out so the space could be screened closed. After what seemed an eternity of crawling through many seasons' accumulation of dried cat feces, partial remains of long-preyed-upon birds and squirrels, one rotting feline corpse (partly mummified) and a godawful mess of cat dander and fur, it was nearly done.
Only, in doing so, two little feral kittens had been left behind by Mama Cat. And they were so tiny that they backed up into a spot I couldn't get to. So I spent the next week enticing them out to where I set tunafish in a small dish for them. Slowly, little by little, shwiyya b-shwiyya, they'd allow me to get closer while they ate. Until, one day, the little, white female made the fatal mistake of letting me get too close. I reached down and scooped the little bugger up, quick as a wink!
And promptly had my hand and forearm savaged by a ball of razor-sharp teeth and claws. Nevertheless, I held on, bloody and shredded, and gathered the fiendish kitten in a towel and took her inside where she was deposited (probably with some cursing) in a small closet that had been prepped with food, water and a little sleeping pad for the purpose. Her brother, a pitch black kitten, followed the next day, only I had learned to use elbow-length extreme cold weather arctic gloves to nab him.
I had them fixed, got their shots and some medicine (both were in miserable shape) and doctored them back to health. Otis continued to have a limp from an abscess from a fight he'd been in. Once they got acclimated to the house and us humans, Otis and Iris became quite affectionate house cats and spent much of their snoozy time wrapped in each other's paws on the comfy chair.
They had a good, comfortable life with a lot of affection. Both died young, though, within the next two years. They'd just had too rough a beginning, I think. We buried them in the back yard of the rental house, Otis joining Iris only a few months after she passed away.
posted by darkstar at 11:12 PM on May 3, 2011 [11 favorites]
I finally decided to do something about it. I spent a good hour in that horrid nightmare of a crawlspace shooing the cats out so the space could be screened closed. After what seemed an eternity of crawling through many seasons' accumulation of dried cat feces, partial remains of long-preyed-upon birds and squirrels, one rotting feline corpse (partly mummified) and a godawful mess of cat dander and fur, it was nearly done.
Only, in doing so, two little feral kittens had been left behind by Mama Cat. And they were so tiny that they backed up into a spot I couldn't get to. So I spent the next week enticing them out to where I set tunafish in a small dish for them. Slowly, little by little, shwiyya b-shwiyya, they'd allow me to get closer while they ate. Until, one day, the little, white female made the fatal mistake of letting me get too close. I reached down and scooped the little bugger up, quick as a wink!
And promptly had my hand and forearm savaged by a ball of razor-sharp teeth and claws. Nevertheless, I held on, bloody and shredded, and gathered the fiendish kitten in a towel and took her inside where she was deposited (probably with some cursing) in a small closet that had been prepped with food, water and a little sleeping pad for the purpose. Her brother, a pitch black kitten, followed the next day, only I had learned to use elbow-length extreme cold weather arctic gloves to nab him.
I had them fixed, got their shots and some medicine (both were in miserable shape) and doctored them back to health. Otis continued to have a limp from an abscess from a fight he'd been in. Once they got acclimated to the house and us humans, Otis and Iris became quite affectionate house cats and spent much of their snoozy time wrapped in each other's paws on the comfy chair.
They had a good, comfortable life with a lot of affection. Both died young, though, within the next two years. They'd just had too rough a beginning, I think. We buried them in the back yard of the rental house, Otis joining Iris only a few months after she passed away.
posted by darkstar at 11:12 PM on May 3, 2011 [11 favorites]
Oh, holy shit. motion sensor garden hose sprayers are real objects and easy to find and purchase.
hell yea, I have one to get the racoons that like to dig grubs out of my yard and turn the lawn into a mud hole. The best was when it would catch my roommate instead. heh.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 12:22 AM on May 4, 2011
hell yea, I have one to get the racoons that like to dig grubs out of my yard and turn the lawn into a mud hole. The best was when it would catch my roommate instead. heh.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 12:22 AM on May 4, 2011
Somehow, as I read this I couldn't help but think of Wiley Coyote and the Road Runner.
Yes, next it's the Acme cat door versus Pink Cat...
posted by WinstonJulia at 12:53 AM on May 4, 2011
Yes, next it's the Acme cat door versus Pink Cat...
posted by WinstonJulia at 12:53 AM on May 4, 2011
Whilst I thought it was funny, particularly when we got the mugshot gallery of the cats along with their names, I thought the water pressure was a tad too high for a cat and might cause bruising. [Spoiler alert] I'm glad the dove survived though.
posted by essexjan at 1:04 AM on May 4, 2011
posted by essexjan at 1:04 AM on May 4, 2011
obiwanwasabi, they make cat doors with a sensor that will only open for a cat wearing a collar with a chip in it.
Yeah, those only work if you have a big, ugly cat on your side. If your cat tends to leave peer encounters at high speed with a bandit in tow closer than door-closing range, all your fancy door buys you is a huge clatter followed by a real life re-enactment of the Tasmanian Devil whirlwind on the kitchen floor. If you are not around to witness this personally, you still have the souvenir tom-piss on your sofa as a reminder when you come home.
posted by Jakey at 2:14 AM on May 4, 2011 [2 favorites]
Yeah, those only work if you have a big, ugly cat on your side. If your cat tends to leave peer encounters at high speed with a bandit in tow closer than door-closing range, all your fancy door buys you is a huge clatter followed by a real life re-enactment of the Tasmanian Devil whirlwind on the kitchen floor. If you are not around to witness this personally, you still have the souvenir tom-piss on your sofa as a reminder when you come home.
posted by Jakey at 2:14 AM on May 4, 2011 [2 favorites]
Two of our cats are former feral cats, part of a catch/neuter/release program that, for some reason, caught them, neutered them, released them, then decided to catch them again and find homes for them. In the catch/release program they cut off half an ear to identify the one's that had already "fixed"... both cats have 1.5 ears.
It took them a few weeks to come out from under the bed, and they hid in the basement for a few months after that. The smaller female Bonnie (Bonnie Blunderina Kat) came out first and adopted me as her person. Clyde (Kyde Benjamin Franklin Kat), the big hulk of a male stripe, took a couple of years before he would be seen if anyone but my wife was in the room, whom he seemed to take a liking to. I knew I had been accepted when, out of nowhere, Kyde jumped up to the back of my chair and began to groom the top of my head. Kyde is now the only cat (of 4) in the house that seeks out the Husky to rub on and will lay down next to it.
These are two great cats, a bit odd in some ways, but now very affectionate. It takes patience, but feral cats can be brought around to be great friends.
posted by tomswift at 3:22 AM on May 4, 2011 [5 favorites]
It took them a few weeks to come out from under the bed, and they hid in the basement for a few months after that. The smaller female Bonnie (Bonnie Blunderina Kat) came out first and adopted me as her person. Clyde (Kyde Benjamin Franklin Kat), the big hulk of a male stripe, took a couple of years before he would be seen if anyone but my wife was in the room, whom he seemed to take a liking to. I knew I had been accepted when, out of nowhere, Kyde jumped up to the back of my chair and began to groom the top of my head. Kyde is now the only cat (of 4) in the house that seeks out the Husky to rub on and will lay down next to it.
These are two great cats, a bit odd in some ways, but now very affectionate. It takes patience, but feral cats can be brought around to be great friends.
posted by tomswift at 3:22 AM on May 4, 2011 [5 favorites]
exlotuseater: "or the turrets from Portal . . .
"HellOOooo"
"can you come over . . . here?""
HeEEre. Kitty, kitty... kitty.
posted by Splunge at 3:29 AM on May 4, 2011 [2 favorites]
"HellOOooo"
"can you come over . . . here?""
HeEEre. Kitty, kitty... kitty.
posted by Splunge at 3:29 AM on May 4, 2011 [2 favorites]
chaoticgood : I think all cat owners secretly want to/love to torment their cats in tiny, innocuous ways. I confess to having briefly put tape on my cats' paws (laughing every second) and enjoying the shit out of this video.
Better yet, you don't have to do it "to" them - They'll get into trouble all on their own. Put a strip of unpeeled masking tape (note - easier to get out of fur than duct tape) on the floor and walk away, and five minutes later you get to heroically save poor Mr. Fluffy-Butt from his arch-nemesis. While laughing hysterically.
the noob : they prey on native birds
You make that sound like bad thing. Cats don't wake me up a half hour before dawn screaming their little heads off (well, perhaps tapdancing on my forehead, but only the ones with access to my bedroom). Kill. The. Birds!
posted by pla at 3:30 AM on May 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
Better yet, you don't have to do it "to" them - They'll get into trouble all on their own. Put a strip of unpeeled masking tape (note - easier to get out of fur than duct tape) on the floor and walk away, and five minutes later you get to heroically save poor Mr. Fluffy-Butt from his arch-nemesis. While laughing hysterically.
the noob : they prey on native birds
You make that sound like bad thing. Cats don't wake me up a half hour before dawn screaming their little heads off (well, perhaps tapdancing on my forehead, but only the ones with access to my bedroom). Kill. The. Birds!
posted by pla at 3:30 AM on May 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
2N2222 : Do feral cats give a damn about your love? If they do, I have a feeling they're probably not feral.
This.
You don't socialize "real" ferals - The kittens up to about 6-8 weeks you can get to behave (though take darkstar's comment as gospel - a 6 week old feral kitten, that you could theoretically crush to a bloody pulp in one hand, will fark you up but good), but older than that and you might as well try to socialize a mountain lion.
The semi-ferals people talk about as responding to food and patience usually started as domestics and for whatever reason ended up on their own.
posted by pla at 3:37 AM on May 4, 2011
This.
You don't socialize "real" ferals - The kittens up to about 6-8 weeks you can get to behave (though take darkstar's comment as gospel - a 6 week old feral kitten, that you could theoretically crush to a bloody pulp in one hand, will fark you up but good), but older than that and you might as well try to socialize a mountain lion.
The semi-ferals people talk about as responding to food and patience usually started as domestics and for whatever reason ended up on their own.
posted by pla at 3:37 AM on May 4, 2011
You don't socialize "real" ferals True Scotsmen.
posted by Proofs and Refutations at 4:42 AM on May 4, 2011 [8 favorites]
posted by Proofs and Refutations at 4:42 AM on May 4, 2011 [8 favorites]
Cats don't wake me up a half hour before dawn screaming their little heads off
Then you have not lived in a neighborhood with feral cats. A cat fight at 3am will wake all the neighbors.
posted by specialagentwebb at 5:24 AM on May 4, 2011
Then you have not lived in a neighborhood with feral cats. A cat fight at 3am will wake all the neighbors.
posted by specialagentwebb at 5:24 AM on May 4, 2011
I finally decided to do something about it. I spent a good hour in that horrid nightmare of a crawlspace shooing the cats out so the space could be screened closed.
One way cat doors area also a thing.
posted by DU at 6:24 AM on May 4, 2011
One way cat doors area also a thing.
posted by DU at 6:24 AM on May 4, 2011
St. Alia of the Bunnies writes "All that work and all you really have to do is buy a motion sensor garden hose sprayer. I borrowed one from a friend a couple of years ago for this very purpose."
Are those sprinklers able to be set to a directed spray? They all look to be variations on wide area spray heads.
posted by Mitheral at 7:34 AM on May 4, 2011
Are those sprinklers able to be set to a directed spray? They all look to be variations on wide area spray heads.
posted by Mitheral at 7:34 AM on May 4, 2011
Feral cats and stray cats are not the same.
I have adopted/placed several stray cats. I would not attempt this with a feral cat.
A few years ago, driving out to my ILs farm, Husband and I found a mama kitty and four babies who had obviously just been dropped off. I scooped them up and took them with us out to the farm. The mama was friendly and sweet, the kittens (at weaning age) were clearly very used to being handled. I fed them, bathed and flea combed them, called some pet shops, and we took the four babies to a pet shop within two days of having found them. My MIL wanted to keep the mama cat at the cabin (about 1/2 mile from the main house and barns) because she was beautiful, friendly, and MIL wanted a mouser out there. But Mama Cat ended up at the cousin-up-the-road's house because she was lonely at the cabin, she kept wandering off and everyone was afraid that the foxes/coyotes would get her. Point to story: stray cats are still domesticated, and make good pets.
There are also cats living, from time to time, in my ILs barn. They just show up. They have, the whole time I've known them, always been feral. Even though MIL puts out food for them (which they eat) they run from her. MIL has tried various methods of live trapping (to spay/neuter) but they are cagey animals and it has not been successful. When the cats reproduce, the kittens rarely survive. These cats are markedly smaller than a typical housecat, and despite having food and shelter, don't live very long. They are badass- one fourth of July, I watched a little feral barn cat take a great flying leap into a pine and come back down with a dove, still flapping, in her mouth. So they are pretty serious predators.
MIL likes cats, has a (fixed) housecat, so she tries to be as kind as possible to the feral cats, but has resorted to having FIL put them down (country style, with a .22 you don't need to get too close) when they are obviously sick.
The feral cats become feral over a couple of generations. Imagine if I hadn't picked up Mama Cat and babies- eventually, those babies would have reproduced, and their kittens would never know human contact. That's a feral cat. My own small kitty was a feral barn cat, but I got her as an orphan- her eyes were still closed and I had to bottle feed her formula, that's how young she was. Most of the time, there is a pretty small window to rehabilitate a feral cat, you need to start super young. There are exceptions to this, of course, but as a rule, stray cats need homes and feral cats need management.
As a person who adores cats, I would not get an adult feral cat as a pet. I would be afraid of what it would do to my two cats, three kids, dog, and house. Even if it was rehabable, I do not have the time/skill to do that properly. On the other hand, all my pets have come to me as strays, and that hasn't been difficult at all.
And, yes, this crazy cat lady laughed aloud throughout that video. I have never had a cat piss on my car, but I can imagine. Oof. Good for this dude for coming up with this humane and hilarious solution.
posted by Leta at 7:52 AM on May 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
I have adopted/placed several stray cats. I would not attempt this with a feral cat.
A few years ago, driving out to my ILs farm, Husband and I found a mama kitty and four babies who had obviously just been dropped off. I scooped them up and took them with us out to the farm. The mama was friendly and sweet, the kittens (at weaning age) were clearly very used to being handled. I fed them, bathed and flea combed them, called some pet shops, and we took the four babies to a pet shop within two days of having found them. My MIL wanted to keep the mama cat at the cabin (about 1/2 mile from the main house and barns) because she was beautiful, friendly, and MIL wanted a mouser out there. But Mama Cat ended up at the cousin-up-the-road's house because she was lonely at the cabin, she kept wandering off and everyone was afraid that the foxes/coyotes would get her. Point to story: stray cats are still domesticated, and make good pets.
There are also cats living, from time to time, in my ILs barn. They just show up. They have, the whole time I've known them, always been feral. Even though MIL puts out food for them (which they eat) they run from her. MIL has tried various methods of live trapping (to spay/neuter) but they are cagey animals and it has not been successful. When the cats reproduce, the kittens rarely survive. These cats are markedly smaller than a typical housecat, and despite having food and shelter, don't live very long. They are badass- one fourth of July, I watched a little feral barn cat take a great flying leap into a pine and come back down with a dove, still flapping, in her mouth. So they are pretty serious predators.
MIL likes cats, has a (fixed) housecat, so she tries to be as kind as possible to the feral cats, but has resorted to having FIL put them down (country style, with a .22 you don't need to get too close) when they are obviously sick.
The feral cats become feral over a couple of generations. Imagine if I hadn't picked up Mama Cat and babies- eventually, those babies would have reproduced, and their kittens would never know human contact. That's a feral cat. My own small kitty was a feral barn cat, but I got her as an orphan- her eyes were still closed and I had to bottle feed her formula, that's how young she was. Most of the time, there is a pretty small window to rehabilitate a feral cat, you need to start super young. There are exceptions to this, of course, but as a rule, stray cats need homes and feral cats need management.
As a person who adores cats, I would not get an adult feral cat as a pet. I would be afraid of what it would do to my two cats, three kids, dog, and house. Even if it was rehabable, I do not have the time/skill to do that properly. On the other hand, all my pets have come to me as strays, and that hasn't been difficult at all.
And, yes, this crazy cat lady laughed aloud throughout that video. I have never had a cat piss on my car, but I can imagine. Oof. Good for this dude for coming up with this humane and hilarious solution.
posted by Leta at 7:52 AM on May 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
I'm building one and setting it up next to my pillow when I leave the house. Fuck you, Elizabeth.
Someone needs couples counseling. Damn!
posted by nosila at 8:11 AM on May 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
Someone needs couples counseling. Damn!
posted by nosila at 8:11 AM on May 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
I so wish I had been filming when I dumped water onto a city stray that was lounging on my front steps. He'd been harassing my indoor cat through the window and spraying my front door. I got him from the second floor window with the full contents of a two liter pitcher. After the dousing, he shot up and across the front of my house, not touching the ground until he was two houses away. I never saw that cat again.
posted by orme at 8:27 AM on May 4, 2011
posted by orme at 8:27 AM on May 4, 2011
All true lovers of cats love a little harmless kitty torture. One of my boys is so immune, I have to constantly think up new annoyances. The "you can't put your foot down; my hand is there" game is an all-time favorite. Also hilarious: lies about cat food. My guys know the words and go nuts every morning for their can of food. "Yeah? You want some kitty kitty cat food cat food???" I like to get them excited about it and then give them the can, unopened. O the heartbreak on the meowy faces.
Like Jupiter here at the end.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 9:04 AM on May 4, 2011 [5 favorites]
Like Jupiter here at the end.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 9:04 AM on May 4, 2011 [5 favorites]
I think Stupid Cat is my cat. How the hell did he get all the way to Australia and back without me noticing?!
posted by Evilspork at 9:32 AM on May 4, 2011
posted by Evilspork at 9:32 AM on May 4, 2011
This reminds me of my late lamented tuxedo cat. I tried for a while to get him to stop scratching the furniture, and used a water pistol to discourage him. It worked maybe twice, and then he figured out "Hey, water!" and just started standing there and drinking the stream.
I miss that cat, stubborn little beast that he was.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 9:57 AM on May 4, 2011 [3 favorites]
I miss that cat, stubborn little beast that he was.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 9:57 AM on May 4, 2011 [3 favorites]
Friend of mine in rental housing years ago had a problem with yowling male cats keeping her up at night during finals, spraying all over her car and home. What the cats didn't know? She was a final semester vet student. She and her roomies invested in some meds and equipment, then spent about a week trapping those bad boys and neutering them in the spare room. Stray, feral, didn't matter... snip, snip. Strangely, those particular cats never bothered her again.
posted by theplotchickens at 10:27 AM on May 4, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by theplotchickens at 10:27 AM on May 4, 2011 [3 favorites]
A cat fight at 3am will wake all the neighbors.
One of the neighbor cats likes to come in through the pet door in the middle of the night and kick the crap out of my roommates' cats. There's nothing quite like being awakened at three in the morning by what sounds like someone being murdered.
posted by Nedroid at 10:37 AM on May 4, 2011
One of the neighbor cats likes to come in through the pet door in the middle of the night and kick the crap out of my roommates' cats. There's nothing quite like being awakened at three in the morning by what sounds like someone being murdered.
posted by Nedroid at 10:37 AM on May 4, 2011
You don't socialize "real" ferals - The kittens up to about 6-8 weeks you can get to behave...
I dunno, I am the lucky owner of a formal feral. Found her, almost dead, lying in the street a couple years ago. Took her to the emergency vet. Her temp was so low it didn't register on the thermometer, and she was seizing and blind from hypoglycemia. But they treated her and got her stable over night. Only problem was, they thought she had brain damage because she was so violent with them once she got well enough to fight.
Turns out it wasn't brain damage, she was just feral.
She was four months old (ish) at the time and everything we read said "good luck socializing one that old." For months she would just hiss and hide whenever we went into her room. Eventually she would hiss but let us get close enough to give her neck scritches, which would make her purr (seemingly against her will because she would still be all wild eyed and hissy).
2 1/2 years later, she is definitely socialized in that she doesn't hiss at us anymore, and greets us with cute little squeaky meows and loves affection from us (but no one else). But you're a madman if you ever try to pick her up. To get her to the vet, we typically have to trap her in a small room and then use large pillows and boards to slowly herd her (in a meowling panic, by the way) into her carrier. Scruffing her does not work - try to pick her up by her scruff and she can swing around and slash you with nails and teeth before you realize what's happening.
tl;dr: I have a cat that I am certain was feral and now is fairly socialized but still batshit crazy.
posted by misskaz at 11:26 AM on May 4, 2011 [7 favorites]
I dunno, I am the lucky owner of a formal feral. Found her, almost dead, lying in the street a couple years ago. Took her to the emergency vet. Her temp was so low it didn't register on the thermometer, and she was seizing and blind from hypoglycemia. But they treated her and got her stable over night. Only problem was, they thought she had brain damage because she was so violent with them once she got well enough to fight.
Turns out it wasn't brain damage, she was just feral.
She was four months old (ish) at the time and everything we read said "good luck socializing one that old." For months she would just hiss and hide whenever we went into her room. Eventually she would hiss but let us get close enough to give her neck scritches, which would make her purr (seemingly against her will because she would still be all wild eyed and hissy).
2 1/2 years later, she is definitely socialized in that she doesn't hiss at us anymore, and greets us with cute little squeaky meows and loves affection from us (but no one else). But you're a madman if you ever try to pick her up. To get her to the vet, we typically have to trap her in a small room and then use large pillows and boards to slowly herd her (in a meowling panic, by the way) into her carrier. Scruffing her does not work - try to pick her up by her scruff and she can swing around and slash you with nails and teeth before you realize what's happening.
tl;dr: I have a cat that I am certain was feral and now is fairly socialized but still batshit crazy.
posted by misskaz at 11:26 AM on May 4, 2011 [7 favorites]
>>absolutely brilliant. i'm reminded of an earlier motion activated video (from a cat owner) with a huge cat defense system including disco music and lights installed in a kitchen - miles above ssscat, or 'blender defenders' but without that aussie charm. poked through youtube for a bit, but anyone else recall that?
posted by armisme at 8:52 PM on May 3 [+] [!]
You must mean this--I still laugh looking at the videos!
posted by feste at 4:07 PM on May 4, 2011
posted by armisme at 8:52 PM on May 3 [+] [!]
You must mean this--I still laugh looking at the videos!
posted by feste at 4:07 PM on May 4, 2011
I think Stupid Cat is my cat. How the hell did he get all the way to Australia and back without me noticing?!
Stargate. All cats have 'em.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 7:56 PM on May 4, 2011 [4 favorites]
Stargate. All cats have 'em.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 7:56 PM on May 4, 2011 [4 favorites]
This is as satisfying as the videos of those spinning squirrel-repellers. Though I have to wonder why he just doesn't build an enclosed garage for his car?
posted by emjaybee at 8:16 PM on May 4, 2011
posted by emjaybee at 8:16 PM on May 4, 2011
or he could just get a dog.
posted by fuzzypantalones at 6:15 AM on May 5, 2011
posted by fuzzypantalones at 6:15 AM on May 5, 2011
emjaybee writes "This is as satisfying as the videos of those spinning squirrel-repellers. Though I have to wonder why he just doesn't build an enclosed garage for his car?"
- Way more expensive
- Means opening a door every time you want to drive someplace
- May block the pedestrian flow around his house from front yard to back yard
- Could be restricted by zoning
- Would increase assessed value increasing property taxes
- He might be renting
- Could be restricted by architectural controls
- Enjoys scaring the heck out of cats
- Building this contraption takes less time
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Then I got the sink sprayer and blasted the humorless little shit, now she understands!
If I had that set up I would probably be spending a bundle on tuna to attract cats!
posted by tomswift at 8:23 PM on May 3, 2011