Go the F**k to Sleep
May 12, 2011 9:22 PM Subscribe
For tired parents everywhere, the not-even-released yet Go the F**k to Sleep, is a already a best seller on Amazon.com, probably due to its viral release on the Internet. You can find the pdf if you use your Google-Fu and definitely worth the search. I've ordered my copy.
Go the F**k to sleep. Again. The original was deleted, but, yeah.
posted by joe lisboa at 9:38 PM on May 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by joe lisboa at 9:38 PM on May 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
Gosh the book is El Numero Uno on Amazon because of that viral PDF, isn't it fucking tragic‽ Whatever is the tiny indy publisher going to do‽
The tone of that article confuses me.
posted by carsonb at 9:42 PM on May 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
The tone of that article confuses me.
posted by carsonb at 9:42 PM on May 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
The viral release article, that is. And I was paraphrasing, if it wasn't clear...
posted by carsonb at 9:45 PM on May 12, 2011
posted by carsonb at 9:45 PM on May 12, 2011
I knew about this before metafilter! (My officemate, who has small children, showed it to me today.)
posted by madcaptenor at 9:50 PM on May 12, 2011
posted by madcaptenor at 9:50 PM on May 12, 2011
An extract:
The cats nestle close to their kittens now.
The lambs have laid down with the sheep.
You're cozy and warm in your bed, my dear
Please go the fuck to sleep.
Yep. I'd buy a copy.
posted by tim_in_oz at 9:56 PM on May 12, 2011 [5 favorites]
The cats nestle close to their kittens now.
The lambs have laid down with the sheep.
You're cozy and warm in your bed, my dear
Please go the fuck to sleep.
Yep. I'd buy a copy.
posted by tim_in_oz at 9:56 PM on May 12, 2011 [5 favorites]
It's a book expressing the innermost wishes of the parents of a toddler who won't go to bed. Why is the TIMES so confused about what could have made it so popular?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:07 PM on May 12, 2011 [6 favorites]
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:07 PM on May 12, 2011 [6 favorites]
Oh hey, is the illustrator the same one who did "It's Just a Plant"? Because he's awesome.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 10:09 PM on May 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 10:09 PM on May 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
And when the baby's first word is 'fuck' rather than 'mummy' or 'daddy' I'm sure the parents will be so proud.
posted by joannemullen at 10:29 PM on May 12, 2011
posted by joannemullen at 10:29 PM on May 12, 2011
Ordered.
Also, on the subject of toddlers and f-bombs: my now 7-year-old, when she was around 3, would occasionally drop a completely grammatically and situationally appropriate "fuck". She never did it anywhere but at home or alone with a parent. We had one of her preschool teachers babysit for the first time, and warned him not to be surprised, or overreact, if our angelic little girl dropped an f-bomb. Four years later, he's still waiting to hear that out of her. Moral: I dunno, it is just my favorite anecdote about little kids and the word fuck.
posted by Lulu's Pink Converse at 10:41 PM on May 12, 2011 [14 favorites]
Also, on the subject of toddlers and f-bombs: my now 7-year-old, when she was around 3, would occasionally drop a completely grammatically and situationally appropriate "fuck". She never did it anywhere but at home or alone with a parent. We had one of her preschool teachers babysit for the first time, and warned him not to be surprised, or overreact, if our angelic little girl dropped an f-bomb. Four years later, he's still waiting to hear that out of her. Moral: I dunno, it is just my favorite anecdote about little kids and the word fuck.
posted by Lulu's Pink Converse at 10:41 PM on May 12, 2011 [14 favorites]
I have a friend who's widely known as "Uncle Bum" amongst other friends' kids.
We worked so hard to make that happen.
posted by Ahab at 10:42 PM on May 12, 2011 [10 favorites]
We worked so hard to make that happen.
posted by Ahab at 10:42 PM on May 12, 2011 [10 favorites]
The illustrations are OK, but with all the desperation to cram in the swearing at every turn, it ends up very weakly written.
I give it a meh and a half.
posted by a_green_man at 10:47 PM on May 12, 2011
I give it a meh and a half.
posted by a_green_man at 10:47 PM on May 12, 2011
If baby's first words are determined by researchng this book, the fact that blue-law puritansm will never go out of style means that children will be able to pronounce the oft-printed, but heretofore never actually spoken non-word "f-asterisk-asterisk-asterisk" and will have developed quite a useful skill in dealing with the Mrs. Reverend Lovejoys in the world. Finally, after all their declerations to the contrary, someone is thinking of the children.
Or more likely, in the real world, books for the entertainment of adults will be ordered by responsible adults and kept in the reach of responsible adults away from children.
One of those.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 10:50 PM on May 12, 2011 [3 favorites]
Or more likely, in the real world, books for the entertainment of adults will be ordered by responsible adults and kept in the reach of responsible adults away from children.
One of those.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 10:50 PM on May 12, 2011 [3 favorites]
I don't really get the point of the post if you don't include the actual content. Here's a thing you can reserve to purchase, these other articles claim it's already a huge hit. Okay, so... what now?
posted by hermitosis at 10:53 PM on May 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by hermitosis at 10:53 PM on May 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
I overlooked the word "parents" in the title, and imagined this to be a book which teaches you to get the f**k off Metafilter and go to bed because it's like 3 AM and you have stuff to do tomorrow and oh god is that a new youtube video?
posted by ymgve at 10:59 PM on May 12, 2011 [11 favorites]
posted by ymgve at 10:59 PM on May 12, 2011 [11 favorites]
I just forwarded the .pdf to a lot of people the other day. I thought it was brilliant, and immediately (afterward) wondered if I'd wronged someone somehow. Damn.
posted by hypersloth at 11:05 PM on May 12, 2011
posted by hypersloth at 11:05 PM on May 12, 2011
We just spend 2 hours trying to get a screaming baby to go to sleep. With each shriek came a fart. After enough farts, she was comfortable enough to finally nod off.
Purchased.
posted by 1adam12 at 11:05 PM on May 12, 2011 [7 favorites]
Purchased.
posted by 1adam12 at 11:05 PM on May 12, 2011 [7 favorites]
And Akashic been doing what they can to control distribution
They been?
One benefit to the illegal action seems clear. "Up until this week," Ahmad said, "we have done nothing to promote this book."
Ok, I feel better now.
posted by hypersloth at 11:21 PM on May 12, 2011
They been?
One benefit to the illegal action seems clear. "Up until this week," Ahmad said, "we have done nothing to promote this book."
Ok, I feel better now.
posted by hypersloth at 11:21 PM on May 12, 2011
I thought my wife and I were the only ones. My son is two, and being two, he's not really able to make the best choices. Because of this, I never actually get angry at him, even though he creates some frustrating situations sometimes.
I never get angry at him, that is, except for trying to get him the fuck to sleep.
Last night was the most obnoxious he's been in a while. After reading him FIVE books, he played and fidgeted around in the dark for, oh, 30 minutes plus, and then decided he was wide awake, and exited the bedroom for the living room to play with toys. I just wanted him to go the fuck to sleep.
So I put on my stern face (wasn't hard) and refused to play with him. Picking him up and carrying him back to bed, I've learned from experience, is a losing battle; he cries so much the stress I feel isn't worth the time saved. So, I let him stay up and all three of us went to bed together (we all sleep in the same room). He finally went the fuck to sleep.
Truly, this may be the most frustrating aspect of parenting, because he's perfect in every other way (natch). Especially when my other friends with kids say things like "Your little one has trouble going to sleep?? Hmmm. My little Johnny sleeps for 10 hours straight every night and takes two two hour naps during the day!" Grrrrr. The hours and hours and hours my wife and I have put in to put the boy to sleep, just laying there in the dark, time ticking away...guess we should've done the CIY method and all that. We'll try that with the next kid, the one we won't make all the same mistakes with.
I just hope the little angel will go the fuck to sleep a lot easier as he gets older.
posted by zardoz at 11:29 PM on May 12, 2011 [5 favorites]
I never get angry at him, that is, except for trying to get him the fuck to sleep.
Last night was the most obnoxious he's been in a while. After reading him FIVE books, he played and fidgeted around in the dark for, oh, 30 minutes plus, and then decided he was wide awake, and exited the bedroom for the living room to play with toys. I just wanted him to go the fuck to sleep.
So I put on my stern face (wasn't hard) and refused to play with him. Picking him up and carrying him back to bed, I've learned from experience, is a losing battle; he cries so much the stress I feel isn't worth the time saved. So, I let him stay up and all three of us went to bed together (we all sleep in the same room). He finally went the fuck to sleep.
Truly, this may be the most frustrating aspect of parenting, because he's perfect in every other way (natch). Especially when my other friends with kids say things like "Your little one has trouble going to sleep?? Hmmm. My little Johnny sleeps for 10 hours straight every night and takes two two hour naps during the day!" Grrrrr. The hours and hours and hours my wife and I have put in to put the boy to sleep, just laying there in the dark, time ticking away...guess we should've done the CIY method and all that. We'll try that with the next kid, the one we won't make all the same mistakes with.
I just hope the little angel will go the fuck to sleep a lot easier as he gets older.
posted by zardoz at 11:29 PM on May 12, 2011 [5 favorites]
Oh hey, is the illustrator the same one who did "It's Just a Plant"? Because he's awesome.
Yep, Ricardo Cortés.
posted by unliteral at 11:34 PM on May 12, 2011
Yep, Ricardo Cortés.
posted by unliteral at 11:34 PM on May 12, 2011
Earlier this week I read in a cracked.com article (so you know it's true!) that highly intelligent people are far more likely to be night-owls, because of an evolutionary need to play around with stuff free from the distractions of others once everyone has gone to sleep and things are relatively stress-free. I know that I was apparently one of those "genius children" and that I exhibited this behavior from an extremely young age (most of my earliest memories are of playing alone with stuff in my crib late at night.)
So maybe, as frustrating as it is, there's a silver lining there. Maybe you've just got a really smart kid.
But it's not going to help them get the fuck to sleep.
posted by Navelgazer at 11:39 PM on May 12, 2011 [6 favorites]
So maybe, as frustrating as it is, there's a silver lining there. Maybe you've just got a really smart kid.
But it's not going to help them get the fuck to sleep.
posted by Navelgazer at 11:39 PM on May 12, 2011 [6 favorites]
When my kids were in that stage of toddlerhood where they seemed to be able to function for weeks at a time on little to no sleep, there were so many nights when my brain was silently screaming "OH MY FUCKING GOD, IF YOU DON'T GO TO SLEEP WITHIN THE NEXT FIVE MINUTES I AM GOING TO HAVE A MENTAL BREAKDOWN!" but I maintained my composure enough to be calm and loving on the outside, and somehow we all survived.
It's important that parents be able to acknowledge those kinds of very common and very normal feelings of frustration without feeling ashamed. Society has a way of making us feel that anything less than sainted perfection is tantamount to failure, and that we're going to sentence our kids to years of therapy if we dare to harbor an occasional negative thought about them or about our parental experiences.
When parents are able to share their innermost thoughts with other adults, and when we're able to feel safe in admitting "I love my kids with all my heart, but I kind of want to run away from home right now" (especially if we can do it in an atmosphere of good humor and supportive feedback), the healthier and happier we AND our kids will be.
posted by amyms at 11:40 PM on May 12, 2011 [24 favorites]
It's important that parents be able to acknowledge those kinds of very common and very normal feelings of frustration without feeling ashamed. Society has a way of making us feel that anything less than sainted perfection is tantamount to failure, and that we're going to sentence our kids to years of therapy if we dare to harbor an occasional negative thought about them or about our parental experiences.
When parents are able to share their innermost thoughts with other adults, and when we're able to feel safe in admitting "I love my kids with all my heart, but I kind of want to run away from home right now" (especially if we can do it in an atmosphere of good humor and supportive feedback), the healthier and happier we AND our kids will be.
posted by amyms at 11:40 PM on May 12, 2011 [24 favorites]
You can find the pdf if you use your Google-Fu and definitely worth the search.
Me: searches for "go the f**k to sleep pdf"
Google #1: Go the F**k to Sleep | MetaFilter | updated 2 hours ago
Bing #1: Go the F**k to Sleep | MetaFilter | updated 2 hours ago
Damn you real-time web search!
posted by rh at 11:42 PM on May 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
Me: searches for "go the f**k to sleep pdf"
Google #1: Go the F**k to Sleep | MetaFilter | updated 2 hours ago
Bing #1: Go the F**k to Sleep | MetaFilter | updated 2 hours ago
Damn you real-time web search!
posted by rh at 11:42 PM on May 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
Hehe. I like it.
All the kids from day care are in dreamland.
The froggie has made his last leap.
Hell no, you can’t go to the bathroom.
You know where you can go? The fuck to sleep.
Here's the link to where I got it.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 11:48 PM on May 12, 2011 [5 favorites]
All the kids from day care are in dreamland.
The froggie has made his last leap.
Hell no, you can’t go to the bathroom.
You know where you can go? The fuck to sleep.
Here's the link to where I got it.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 11:48 PM on May 12, 2011 [5 favorites]
I didn't link to the PDF for two reasons. First, they seem to disappear almost as soon as you find one, and second, I was afraid that linking to a copyrighted, pirated copy of a yet to be published book might be well, illegal, and get my posted deleted.
posted by tamitang at 11:49 PM on May 12, 2011
posted by tamitang at 11:49 PM on May 12, 2011
Yeah, I honestly don't care about the reading the book, PDF or otherwise. Like Onion articles, the title is more than enough to get the joke.
Saying that, I hope the writers, artist and indy publisher do well from it.
posted by rh at 11:54 PM on May 12, 2011
Saying that, I hope the writers, artist and indy publisher do well from it.
posted by rh at 11:54 PM on May 12, 2011
One of the most successful roleplaying games to come out in recent years is a sci-fi game called Eclipse Phase. That link goes to the blog of one of the game designers, where you can download pdf's of the book for free. This is a fascinating year-in-review on Eclipse Phase's business strategy.
posted by kaibutsu at 12:20 AM on May 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by kaibutsu at 12:20 AM on May 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
And when the baby's first word is 'fuck' rather than 'mummy' or 'daddy' I'm sure the parents will be so proud.
*Raises hand*
But only if used properly. I think the ability to swear - and to swear well and properly - is an important part of social development.
posted by three blind mice at 12:37 AM on May 13, 2011 [6 favorites]
*Raises hand*
But only if used properly. I think the ability to swear - and to swear well and properly - is an important part of social development.
posted by three blind mice at 12:37 AM on May 13, 2011 [6 favorites]
Why so cranky, joannemullen?
What makes you so quick to snark and to roast?
Why are you so bitter and sullen?
Why not shut the fuck up and not post?
Because obviously this book is for adults.
It's satire. Check it. That's a type of joke.
No grownup will read this to babies.
You know it. So why the fuck did you post?
You've made it quite clear you don't like MeFites.
Or the manners and morals that we tend to boast.
joannemullen -- it's true -- we don't even like cricket.
So politely, I beg you: fuck off elsewhere to post.
posted by melissa may at 1:23 AM on May 13, 2011 [70 favorites]
What makes you so quick to snark and to roast?
Why are you so bitter and sullen?
Why not shut the fuck up and not post?
Because obviously this book is for adults.
It's satire. Check it. That's a type of joke.
No grownup will read this to babies.
You know it. So why the fuck did you post?
You've made it quite clear you don't like MeFites.
Or the manners and morals that we tend to boast.
joannemullen -- it's true -- we don't even like cricket.
So politely, I beg you: fuck off elsewhere to post.
posted by melissa may at 1:23 AM on May 13, 2011 [70 favorites]
Oh, this is going to be good.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 1:51 AM on May 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by obiwanwasabi at 1:51 AM on May 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought: That's Not Your Mommy Anymore
posted by fairmettle at 2:14 AM on May 13, 2011
posted by fairmettle at 2:14 AM on May 13, 2011
melissa may: So politely, I beg you: fuck off elsewhere to post.
This was unnecessary, uncool and unclever.
posted by three blind mice at 2:28 AM on May 13, 2011 [2 favorites]
This was unnecessary, uncool and unclever.
posted by three blind mice at 2:28 AM on May 13, 2011 [2 favorites]
All the kids from day care are in dreamland.
The froggie has made his last leap.
Hell no, you can’t go to the bathroom.
You know where you can go? The fuck to sleep.
I like this, but the bad scansion is really distracting.
posted by bokane at 2:33 AM on May 13, 2011 [10 favorites]
The froggie has made his last leap.
Hell no, you can’t go to the bathroom.
You know where you can go? The fuck to sleep.
I like this, but the bad scansion is really distracting.
posted by bokane at 2:33 AM on May 13, 2011 [10 favorites]
I don't really get the point of the post if you don't include the actual content.
I agree, though did manage to find a Rapidshare link. I can email it to you if you really want, though I must say, once you've heard the joke on spread one, you don't really need to hear it another thirteen times, so you can take the quotes on this page and multiply it by however many you need to get fourteen in all. I can see the joke, but the book isn't actually very good. The pictures are a kind of moribund traced-from-photographs style of thing, probably done very quickly (as it is a joke, after all) so the hyper-realist traced line sits uneasily with very scrappy paintwork.
However, as it's full of bright colours, with simple, repetitive, obvious humour, it might appeal to the very, very stoned.
*Sigh* Time to take my Pompousness hat off and get to work.
posted by Grangousier at 3:03 AM on May 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
I agree, though did manage to find a Rapidshare link. I can email it to you if you really want, though I must say, once you've heard the joke on spread one, you don't really need to hear it another thirteen times, so you can take the quotes on this page and multiply it by however many you need to get fourteen in all. I can see the joke, but the book isn't actually very good. The pictures are a kind of moribund traced-from-photographs style of thing, probably done very quickly (as it is a joke, after all) so the hyper-realist traced line sits uneasily with very scrappy paintwork.
However, as it's full of bright colours, with simple, repetitive, obvious humour, it might appeal to the very, very stoned.
*Sigh* Time to take my Pompousness hat off and get to work.
posted by Grangousier at 3:03 AM on May 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
Customers also bought items by Saul Bellow and Philip Roth
I see a pattern emerging....
posted by digitalprimate at 3:23 AM on May 13, 2011
I see a pattern emerging....
posted by digitalprimate at 3:23 AM on May 13, 2011
Fox 2000 has optioned the film rights
I know that nowadays movie folks option film rights as a sort of primal reflex, but come on. What film could possibly get made out of this? "In a world... where you should go the fuck to sleep, for fuck's sake..."
posted by No-sword at 3:35 AM on May 13, 2011 [4 favorites]
I know that nowadays movie folks option film rights as a sort of primal reflex, but come on. What film could possibly get made out of this? "In a world... where you should go the fuck to sleep, for fuck's sake..."
posted by No-sword at 3:35 AM on May 13, 2011 [4 favorites]
It sounds like a pretty funny book that you'd only ever read once.
posted by DU at 4:19 AM on May 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by DU at 4:19 AM on May 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
I can't wait for the sequel, It's 5:00 AM: Go The Fuck Back to Sleep.
posted by Kabanos at 4:23 AM on May 13, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by Kabanos at 4:23 AM on May 13, 2011 [3 favorites]
Its kinda disrespectful to tell someone to "fuck off" on here because you don't agree with them.
Yes, that's terrible, and I'm sure that was the sum of her post. Let me see this post of hers...
...wait, you mean that she didn't simply tell another poster to fuck off, but expressed her disagreement in the form of a clever parody of the subject, a parody that really wouldn't be possible without the strong language and a directive?
The people here who won't take a joke can go fuck off.
posted by mreleganza at 4:27 AM on May 13, 2011 [12 favorites]
Yes, that's terrible, and I'm sure that was the sum of her post. Let me see this post of hers...
...wait, you mean that she didn't simply tell another poster to fuck off, but expressed her disagreement in the form of a clever parody of the subject, a parody that really wouldn't be possible without the strong language and a directive?
The people here who won't take a joke can go fuck off.
posted by mreleganza at 4:27 AM on May 13, 2011 [12 favorites]
I agree, though did manage to find a Rapidshare link. I can email it to you if you really want, though I must say, once you've heard the joke on spread one, you don't really need to hear it another thirteen times, so you can take the quotes on this page and multiply it by however many you need to get fourteen in all.
I can see where you'd think it's a bit labored. If you're well-acquainted with this style of book (four line ABCB verse, twee illustration), and how the narrative progression generally works, it's a pretty deft parody.
I found the pdf (" 'uncensored title of the book' filetype:pdf ") and forwarded it to my wife, who's a preschool curriculum consultant (and therefore spends lots of time appraising childrens' literature), and the mother of our two year old. I'm excited for her to see it.
posted by Mayor Curley at 4:37 AM on May 13, 2011
I can see where you'd think it's a bit labored. If you're well-acquainted with this style of book (four line ABCB verse, twee illustration), and how the narrative progression generally works, it's a pretty deft parody.
I found the pdf (" 'uncensored title of the book' filetype:pdf ") and forwarded it to my wife, who's a preschool curriculum consultant (and therefore spends lots of time appraising childrens' literature), and the mother of our two year old. I'm excited for her to see it.
posted by Mayor Curley at 4:37 AM on May 13, 2011
How about nobody tells anybody to fuck off and you take it to Meta if you have a problem with another user?
posted by minifigs at 4:43 AM on May 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by minifigs at 4:43 AM on May 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
Like Onion articles, the title is more than enough to get the joke.
Exactly right. And sadly, there are a lot of books like this, and it's by no means a new phenomenon. Having said that, I'm sure some people love them, and I wish I could get myself a nice single-joke publishing deal, because once you have the joke, it's easy money, and the book pretty much writes itself.
Also, the language in this book is very American. Nothing wrong with that, but to a speaker of non-American english, and as a parent who has gone through some of the things the joke talks about, it falls entirely flat as a result.
posted by le morte de bea arthur at 4:52 AM on May 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
Exactly right. And sadly, there are a lot of books like this, and it's by no means a new phenomenon. Having said that, I'm sure some people love them, and I wish I could get myself a nice single-joke publishing deal, because once you have the joke, it's easy money, and the book pretty much writes itself.
Also, the language in this book is very American. Nothing wrong with that, but to a speaker of non-American english, and as a parent who has gone through some of the things the joke talks about, it falls entirely flat as a result.
posted by le morte de bea arthur at 4:52 AM on May 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
I like this, but the bad scansion is really distracting.
I have been amazed, since I started having children ten years ago and thus reading picture books, by how many authors, even well-regarded ones, can't maintain a simple iambic meter of three or four feet. One of my amusements has been to re-write kids' books in my head so they scan and do not contain ugly forced rhymes, words that have no place except that it was the only thing the author could come up with to rhyme with "soup" or whatever.
posted by not that girl at 5:01 AM on May 13, 2011 [6 favorites]
I have been amazed, since I started having children ten years ago and thus reading picture books, by how many authors, even well-regarded ones, can't maintain a simple iambic meter of three or four feet. One of my amusements has been to re-write kids' books in my head so they scan and do not contain ugly forced rhymes, words that have no place except that it was the only thing the author could come up with to rhyme with "soup" or whatever.
posted by not that girl at 5:01 AM on May 13, 2011 [6 favorites]
Similar children's-books-for-adults, which I like to buy for baby shower gifts: McSweeney's Baby Be Of Use Series.
posted by padraigin at 5:04 AM on May 13, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by padraigin at 5:04 AM on May 13, 2011 [2 favorites]
*Sigh* Time to take my Pompousness hat off and get to work.
I want a pompousness hat! Originally I was thinking it would be an overly large swashbuckling hat with feathers and obnoxious pins, the kind you see older ladies wear to church where they walk so slow it's hard to tell if they're showing off the hat or it's so big their old legs can't fight against the gravitational pull of the hat and the earth at the same time.
But then I realized it would be a little hat. Not a tiny bowler, because that would be cute. A little beret maybe, a beat up felt kangol just small enough you can almost see the poor kid that wore until his mom sold that too, and the new owner practically left the safety-pinned piece of paper with the price tag on it from the thrift store attached.
I want that hat so I can walk through a junky neighborhood and have people can glare at me with all that in mind. Then I will acknowledge their disdain and like Grangousier make a show of taking my pompousness hat off, and getting to work picking up trash or sweeping the sidewalk. I want a pompousness hat.
posted by cashman at 5:46 AM on May 13, 2011 [4 favorites]
I want a pompousness hat! Originally I was thinking it would be an overly large swashbuckling hat with feathers and obnoxious pins, the kind you see older ladies wear to church where they walk so slow it's hard to tell if they're showing off the hat or it's so big their old legs can't fight against the gravitational pull of the hat and the earth at the same time.
But then I realized it would be a little hat. Not a tiny bowler, because that would be cute. A little beret maybe, a beat up felt kangol just small enough you can almost see the poor kid that wore until his mom sold that too, and the new owner practically left the safety-pinned piece of paper with the price tag on it from the thrift store attached.
I want that hat so I can walk through a junky neighborhood and have people can glare at me with all that in mind. Then I will acknowledge their disdain and like Grangousier make a show of taking my pompousness hat off, and getting to work picking up trash or sweeping the sidewalk. I want a pompousness hat.
posted by cashman at 5:46 AM on May 13, 2011 [4 favorites]
Yes. I wear a Pompousness hat now. Pompousness hats are cool.
posted by Grangousier at 5:50 AM on May 13, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by Grangousier at 5:50 AM on May 13, 2011 [2 favorites]
*Sigh* Time to take my Pompousness hat off and get to work.
Don't be so pompous, call a spade a spade -- or rather, call a fedora a fedora.
posted by inigo2 at 6:16 AM on May 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
Don't be so pompous, call a spade a spade -- or rather, call a fedora a fedora.
posted by inigo2 at 6:16 AM on May 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
Between this and Goodnight, Dune I am all set for my future sleepytime parenting needs.
posted by exlotuseater at 6:27 AM on May 13, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by exlotuseater at 6:27 AM on May 13, 2011 [2 favorites]
I wish I got awesome email forwards like this instead of the Snopes fodder I get from my office manager and my mother in law?
posted by Dr. Zira at 6:28 AM on May 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Dr. Zira at 6:28 AM on May 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
I just hope the little angel will go the fuck to sleep a lot easier as he gets older.
Good luck with that.
My son, bless his heart, was always and still is at 16, a pain in the ass to get to bed.
I had a trick that worked pretty well when he was younger though - The Magical Sleepy Corner. I'd make him stand in the corner for a while, and then he would go to bed and usually fall asleep. Or at least he would lay quietly. I'd repeat as necessary, but it never took too many tries.
One day, he was talking to his daycare teacher and he told her that the corner isn't at all magical. He just pretends like he's sleepy so he can get out of the corner and go to bed - but don't tell dad!
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 7:05 AM on May 13, 2011 [33 favorites]
Good luck with that.
My son, bless his heart, was always and still is at 16, a pain in the ass to get to bed.
I had a trick that worked pretty well when he was younger though - The Magical Sleepy Corner. I'd make him stand in the corner for a while, and then he would go to bed and usually fall asleep. Or at least he would lay quietly. I'd repeat as necessary, but it never took too many tries.
One day, he was talking to his daycare teacher and he told her that the corner isn't at all magical. He just pretends like he's sleepy so he can get out of the corner and go to bed - but don't tell dad!
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 7:05 AM on May 13, 2011 [33 favorites]
My daughter did not sleep through the night til she was 4 years old. FOUR years old.
Actually, we finally set up a reward system for letting mommy sleep. And I started sleeping through. I really have fuck-all idea if she ever slept through or not. She is in college now, and her sleep habits are her roommates problem.
(She comes home for summer break on Thursday. Yay!)
posted by SLC Mom at 7:27 AM on May 13, 2011
Actually, we finally set up a reward system for letting mommy sleep. And I started sleeping through. I really have fuck-all idea if she ever slept through or not. She is in college now, and her sleep habits are her roommates problem.
(She comes home for summer break on Thursday. Yay!)
posted by SLC Mom at 7:27 AM on May 13, 2011
We just spend 2 hours trying to get a screaming baby to go to sleep. With each shriek came a fart. After enough farts, she was comfortable enough to finally nod off.
posted by Threeway Handshake at 7:44 AM on May 13, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by Threeway Handshake at 7:44 AM on May 13, 2011 [2 favorites]
it's funny to see in book form the kind of bad blue-streak poetry i'd freestyle with THING1 when he would wail 3-6 hours in a row with colic during those first 2 years of his life. this is why my kids say "mommy swears like a sailor". but it's also why they rarely do so themselves. mt kids couldnt be more appropriate than those WB cartoon squirrels from the 1960s :D
posted by liza at 8:01 AM on May 13, 2011
posted by liza at 8:01 AM on May 13, 2011
Directly lifted from the comment I wrote in response to a friend posting this a while back on FB: [It reminds me of] Louie's stand up ditty about how kids say fascinating things when they don't want to go to sleep ("Daddy, birds are like paintbrushes for the sky") and instead of being touched you're just like "OH MY GOD JUST GO TO FREAKIN SLEEP"
posted by ifjuly at 8:05 AM on May 13, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by ifjuly at 8:05 AM on May 13, 2011 [2 favorites]
Supposedly I was two before I slept through the night. Many of my earliest memories are of my mom having me recite powers-of-two in an effort to fall asleep (it's like counting sheep, only the numbers get big faster).
Maybe I should get her a copy? (I'm 30 now, so my weird sleeping habits are no longer her problem).
posted by nat at 8:17 AM on May 13, 2011
Maybe I should get her a copy? (I'm 30 now, so my weird sleeping habits are no longer her problem).
posted by nat at 8:17 AM on May 13, 2011
Saw this about a week ago, and while the tired parent in me would love to get it for my son, the realistic parent in me really doesn't need my 2.5 year old dropping f-bombs.
Having said that, I'm pretty sure my best friend's 4 year old wins for best use of underage profanity for the day the door closed behind them on the way to school, and he casually remarked, "aw shit, I forgot my sippy cup."
As my friend put it: The intonation was dead on and it was context-appropriate. What could I say?
posted by Mchelly at 8:19 AM on May 13, 2011 [17 favorites]
Having said that, I'm pretty sure my best friend's 4 year old wins for best use of underage profanity for the day the door closed behind them on the way to school, and he casually remarked, "aw shit, I forgot my sippy cup."
As my friend put it: The intonation was dead on and it was context-appropriate. What could I say?
posted by Mchelly at 8:19 AM on May 13, 2011 [17 favorites]
They absolutely nailed it.
posted by psylosyren at 8:40 AM on May 13, 2011
posted by psylosyren at 8:40 AM on May 13, 2011
No-sword writes "I know that nowadays movie folks option film rights as a sort of primal reflex, but come on. What film could possibly get made out of this? 'In a world... where you should go the fuck to sleep, for fuck's sake...'"
Who would have thought there'd be a film in Magic eight ball or Battleship.
posted by Mitheral at 8:53 AM on May 13, 2011
Who would have thought there'd be a film in Magic eight ball or Battleship.
posted by Mitheral at 8:53 AM on May 13, 2011
Friends and family forwarding PDF files to each other via email with everyone swiftly clicking to launch it in their unpatched copies of Adobe Reader? What could possibly go wrong? No wonder it's called a "viral PDF".
posted by Nelson at 8:53 AM on May 13, 2011
posted by Nelson at 8:53 AM on May 13, 2011
This morning I was in my three-year-old son's room supervising him as he got ready for school.
He turned to me and said "I'm not fucking around this morning. Right, dad?"
Father of the year, I am.
posted by bpm140 at 9:05 AM on May 13, 2011 [29 favorites]
He turned to me and said "I'm not fucking around this morning. Right, dad?"
Father of the year, I am.
posted by bpm140 at 9:05 AM on May 13, 2011 [29 favorites]
And when the baby's first word is 'fuck' rather than 'mummy' or 'daddy' I'm sure the parents will be so proud.
When my friend's first kid was really young, they let me hang around way too much. They never minded cussing around their kid. He was at that stage where he could say a few words, but not complete sentences.
After couch-surfing there for about a week, I taught him to raise his tiny little fist and scream "FUCK THE POLICE! UP THE PUNKS!"
It was his first complete sentence. I don't know if I've ever seen prouder parents.
posted by thsmchnekllsfascists at 9:16 AM on May 13, 2011 [7 favorites]
When my friend's first kid was really young, they let me hang around way too much. They never minded cussing around their kid. He was at that stage where he could say a few words, but not complete sentences.
After couch-surfing there for about a week, I taught him to raise his tiny little fist and scream "FUCK THE POLICE! UP THE PUNKS!"
It was his first complete sentence. I don't know if I've ever seen prouder parents.
posted by thsmchnekllsfascists at 9:16 AM on May 13, 2011 [7 favorites]
Thank you, this is wonderful. I just ordered two copies as Father's Day gifts for my brother-in-law (new baby) and boss (3-year-old who has always been difficult to get to bed + new baby). They are going to love it!
posted by Jacqueline at 9:48 AM on May 13, 2011
posted by Jacqueline at 9:48 AM on May 13, 2011
And when the baby's first word is 'fuck' rather than 'mummy' or 'daddy' I'm sure the parents will be so proud.
No baby ever really has "mummy" as a first word, sadly. Their palates can't form the "mmm" sound nearly as soon as it can "aaa" or "bbb". And of course they don't have teeth right away, so more complex combinations, like "th" or "ch" just aren't going to happen for a while.
So a poor Mom can spend 24 hours a day with baby, coaching and trying to get baby to say "mommy", but 99% of the time "daddy" is going to come out first.
But before either one, you're probably going to hear "bubba", which could be interpreted as baby, bye-bye or even baby's pacifier or blanket, depending on how far the proud parents are willing to go with their translations.
Sorry for the derail, I just thought Moms should know that just because their babies don't say, "Mama" first, it doesn't mean babies hate their Moms.
Usually, they are at least tweens before the hatred kicks in.
posted by misha at 10:01 AM on May 13, 2011 [8 favorites]
No baby ever really has "mummy" as a first word, sadly. Their palates can't form the "mmm" sound nearly as soon as it can "aaa" or "bbb". And of course they don't have teeth right away, so more complex combinations, like "th" or "ch" just aren't going to happen for a while.
So a poor Mom can spend 24 hours a day with baby, coaching and trying to get baby to say "mommy", but 99% of the time "daddy" is going to come out first.
But before either one, you're probably going to hear "bubba", which could be interpreted as baby, bye-bye or even baby's pacifier or blanket, depending on how far the proud parents are willing to go with their translations.
Sorry for the derail, I just thought Moms should know that just because their babies don't say, "Mama" first, it doesn't mean babies hate their Moms.
Usually, they are at least tweens before the hatred kicks in.
posted by misha at 10:01 AM on May 13, 2011 [8 favorites]
And when the baby's first word is 'fuck' rather than 'mummy' or 'daddy' I'm sure the parents will be so proud.
My mother told me that she successfully convinced me the word was actually 'truck' while making a vow to swear less around me. Both efforts were successful.
posted by Blue Meanie at 1:02 PM on May 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
My mother told me that she successfully convinced me the word was actually 'truck' while making a vow to swear less around me. Both efforts were successful.
posted by Blue Meanie at 1:02 PM on May 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
I've noticed something -- I've noticed a few people talking about how they wouldn't give this to their kids. I'm not sure that's the point -- I think this is supposed to be a parody of a children's book to be enjoyed by grownups.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:48 PM on May 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:48 PM on May 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
Its kinda disrespectful to tell someone to "fuck off" on here because you don't agree with them. Can you try to control it next time?
Wow. Satire is apparently dead.
posted by aught at 2:04 PM on May 13, 2011 [2 favorites]
Wow. Satire is apparently dead.
posted by aught at 2:04 PM on May 13, 2011 [2 favorites]
Fuck satire.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:23 PM on May 13, 2011
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:23 PM on May 13, 2011
That's what she said. Which made me cry.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:21 PM on May 13, 2011
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:21 PM on May 13, 2011
Mod note: Just for the record, the rule here is "don't say fuck off to each other" satire or not. Don't want to delete half the thread b/c we didn't see it earlier but moving forward, that's the deal.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 4:00 PM on May 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 4:00 PM on May 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
One of my amusements has been to re-write kids' books in my head so they scan and do not contain ugly forced rhymes
I thought I was the only one. I, too, have been continually amazed at this. It's as if no one took the time to try reading it out loud to see how it actually sounded. Some of them are so grating that they make it onto the "Do Not Bring This Back From The Library Ever Again" list.
posted by jquinby at 5:15 AM on May 14, 2011
I thought I was the only one. I, too, have been continually amazed at this. It's as if no one took the time to try reading it out loud to see how it actually sounded. Some of them are so grating that they make it onto the "Do Not Bring This Back From The Library Ever Again" list.
posted by jquinby at 5:15 AM on May 14, 2011
Some of them are so grating that they make it onto the "Do Not Bring This Back From The Library Ever Again" list
Someday my kids are going to figure out that it just doesn't make sense that there are some books we're allowed to keep for weeks, and others that the library demands back within a couple of days.
posted by not that girl at 2:26 PM on May 14, 2011 [5 favorites]
Someday my kids are going to figure out that it just doesn't make sense that there are some books we're allowed to keep for weeks, and others that the library demands back within a couple of days.
posted by not that girl at 2:26 PM on May 14, 2011 [5 favorites]
Lulu's Pink Converse: " Moral: I dunno, it is just my favorite anecdote about little kids and the word fuck."
I've shared this before on Mefi but I'll share it again if anyone is still here. In the 3rd grade I came home from school and said "Mommy! I know what the F-Word is! I won't say it, but it's F-A-R-T!!"
posted by IndigoRain at 10:10 PM on May 14, 2011
I've shared this before on Mefi but I'll share it again if anyone is still here. In the 3rd grade I came home from school and said "Mommy! I know what the F-Word is! I won't say it, but it's F-A-R-T!!"
posted by IndigoRain at 10:10 PM on May 14, 2011
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Seriously, she won't sleep. This is why I am awake right now.
Now I just want her to go the fuck to sleep.
posted by Malice at 9:30 PM on May 12, 2011