How come you ain't never liked me?
September 27, 2011 1:28 PM   Subscribe

 
Yeah, I guess that makes sense. I guess what I should have asked was, How come you such a tool?
posted by silkyd at 1:35 PM on September 27, 2011 [5 favorites]


James Earl Jones, frightening me since the age of 5
posted by Cerulean at 1:38 PM on September 27, 2011 [10 favorites]


If you watch the Blu-ray edition you can hear James Earl Jones shout "Nooooo!".
posted by Foci for Analysis at 1:38 PM on September 27, 2011 [17 favorites]


James Earl Jones is a great actor, and August Wilson is a wonderful playwright.
posted by mrgrimm at 1:38 PM on September 27, 2011 [2 favorites]


?
posted by KokuRyu at 1:43 PM on September 27, 2011 [1 favorite]


How come you ain't never liked me?

...I think it's something to do with poor sentence construction and a risibly tenuous grasp of basic grammar.
posted by gallus at 1:43 PM on September 27, 2011 [3 favorites]


That was more or less how my parents raised me, and I'm still working out the deep psychological issues!
posted by naju at 1:44 PM on September 27, 2011 [2 favorites]


That's it. No more "liking" on Facebook for me.
posted by telstar at 1:48 PM on September 27, 2011 [7 favorites]


This is sort of a great illustration of the difference between theater acting and film acting. If I had been sitting in the orchestra or the balcony I would probably have been blown away. In those medium shots and close-ups it seems overwrought and borderline campy.
posted by eugenen at 1:55 PM on September 27, 2011 [4 favorites]


That was more or less how my parents raised me, and I'm still working out the deep psychological issues!

No judgment here: might that be because you expected them to say that they loved you all the time? Maybe, maybe not.

The problem we have with child-rearing today, especially in the teen years, is that parents don't model responsibility; they are fearful of "telling it like it is" and letting their kids know in uncertain terms what it means to be responsible in a world that doesn't give a shit about whether people "like" you or not. One of the most important indicators of success in adulthood is one's ability to establish trust in others. Trust is developed by following through, and delivering "as promised". Just "liking" someone doesn't cut it, not in the world I walk in.

That said, the character that James Earl Jones is projecting is someone who's "style" projects a lot of frustration and anger; he is modeling a mode of communication that is somewhat more harsh than needs to be to communicate what he intends. That said, within the context of the black/white culture of its day, his tone and demeanor may have been a necessary means to transmit the "no nonsense" attitude that young black men needed to have in order to survive.

In all, I like Jones' character; he clerly "loves" his son; you can see that by the body language that he deploys (touching his son gently on the shoulder as they finish their discussion, and then giving him a re-assuring "now we understand each other" slap on the back as they depart.

Caveat: I don't know this play, so everything said above may be completely outside of the context of Wilson's story, and not make sense relative to that. I'm seeing the scene in isolation from its original context.
posted by Vibrissae at 1:55 PM on September 27, 2011 [5 favorites]


Gallus

August Wilson is an African American writer, constructing the history of his people, using the narratives and language that they use. This is their vernacular, and the texts are more powerful for it.
posted by PinkMoose at 1:55 PM on September 27, 2011 [11 favorites]


No judgment here: might that be because you expected them to say that they loved you all the time? Maybe, maybe not.

Not really, it's just that they were so harsh about my faults/mistakes and so insistent that I owed them everything for their duties and sacrifices that, contrary to expecting love from them or anyone, I just assumed no one liked me and would want to have anything to do with me. The potential downside of this particular way of raising your kids, perhaps?
posted by naju at 2:08 PM on September 27, 2011 [1 favorite]


I thought for sure they were gonna start making out.
posted by rhizome at 2:11 PM on September 27, 2011 [10 favorites]


...I think it's something to do with poor sentence construction and a risibly tenuous grasp of basic grammar.

Its construction and grasp of grammar is perfect. You're just listening with the wrong ears.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 2:27 PM on September 27, 2011 [12 favorites]


Something about his word construction was off in the first part. Vance's facial expressions annoyed me also. But I guess this is set in the 50's or something? ....just checked wikipedia, yep. Still annoying, but I guess I can deal with it.
posted by cashman at 2:28 PM on September 27, 2011


Ask a simple question...
posted by Cranberry at 2:30 PM on September 27, 2011


Pray I do not not like you any further...
posted by demonic winged headgear at 2:34 PM on September 27, 2011 [10 favorites]


I think this lesson is still pretty timely at least for me. This week I had one of my instructors jump in shock when he handed me back my high B/low A grade test. I could spend my evening's wondering why that was but frankly James Earl Jones gives the best advice possible. He gave me my do that's enough. The rest doesn't matter. Thus I a listening to this several times on repeat.
posted by Rubbstone at 2:35 PM on September 27, 2011


take a hug from me naju.
posted by ts;dr at 2:35 PM on September 27, 2011


Hey, Dad, thanks for that, it's fascinating stuff and I will meditate on the nature of responsibility, but the thing is, I'm not saying you should like me, I am instead asking why, why don't you like me? And being responsible for me, well, moral obligation or not, are you saying it absolves you from your responsibility to being decent towards me besides food and shelter? Because I'm pretty sure I can get those at the Motel 6.
posted by zippy at 2:39 PM on September 27, 2011 [10 favorites]


James Earl Jones, frightening me since the age of 5

The prospect of a 5-year old James Earl Jones is a terrifying thing indeed.
posted by eugenen at 2:48 PM on September 27, 2011 [4 favorites]


This is sort of a great illustration of the difference between theater acting and film acting. If I had been sitting in the orchestra or the balcony I would probably have been blown away. In those medium shots and close-ups it seems overwrought and borderline campy.

I produce plays for the radio. It's my day job.

One of the hardest things to convey to actors who are new to our form of theatre is the sense of scale. The type of modulation required for a recording is worlds away from that of the open stage. But, because we record in front of a live audience in a traditional theatre, the actor is instinctually driven to play to the house, to entertain the people who are corporeally present. This is completely natural, and it usually results in a positive response from the audience itself.

But on the other end of the recording, such theatre-scale performances end up sounding universally harsh and shouty. From the vantage point of a large hall, projection is a boon and a necessity. Six inches from a microphone, even the most heart-rending performance just sounds wrong; the scale is all off. An actor has to place the locus in a completely different part of their body.

It's not something that's easy to break an actor of, especially when one only has a few days to do so between first read and opening night. Some truly formidable performers never quite manage to nail it ... but it's the willingness to make such modulations on the fly that really distinguishes an actor, I find. It also goes a long way towards explaining why so few complete video recordings of stage plays exist.
posted by mykescipark at 2:49 PM on September 27, 2011 [10 favorites]


And being responsible for me, well, moral obligation or not, are you saying it absolves you from your responsibility to being decent towards me besides food and shelter? Because I'm pretty sure I can get those at the Motel 6.

Again, this play takes place within another cultural context than our current context, where obsessive "self-esteem" makes raging babies out of 22 year-olds. Isn't it clear from Jones' body language that he has strong feeling for the boy, along with a no-nonsense attitude about what it takes to survive in a white world, in that time?

I see this scene as one where a father and son clearly love one another, but where "being nice" and maybe too-loving might "soften up" a person in a way that doesn't quite prepare them for what they're about to discover in the world of racist America.

And, you need to have a job to afford a Motel 6. Cart, before horse. Jones is trying to impart a survival lesson for his son; it's not a perfect message, but it's the best he could do at the time and place (according to Wilson). I really love that scene.
posted by Vibrissae at 2:59 PM on September 27, 2011 [5 favorites]


Keep in mind the scene wouldn't exist if Wilson didn't think the "does this harsh father actually love his son" question needed to be answered narratively. (And there are two audiences for the answer: the son, and the audience.)
posted by feckless at 3:06 PM on September 27, 2011 [2 favorites]


That said, the character that James Earl Jones is projecting is someone who's "style" projects a lot of frustration and anger; he is modeling a mode of communication that is somewhat more harsh than needs to be to communicate what he intends. That said, within the context of the black/white culture of its day, his tone and demeanor may have been a necessary means to transmit the "no nonsense" attitude that young black men needed to have in order to survive.

Coming as I do from parents who did not have the best EQ (both were products of parents who survived the war in Eastern Europe, or, in my father's case, the Depression), watching this piece with JEJ reminded me that the little voice in all of us that moderates our behaviour and motivates us, and chastises us, this little voice comes to us in large part from our parents.

So the best thing I can do for my sons is be gentle with them while teaching responsibility.
posted by KokuRyu at 3:18 PM on September 27, 2011 [1 favorite]


I particularly liked youtube user LeftoverCakes comment:

Totally felt like I was getting yelled at by my own dad. Good job James Earl Jones

That said, I don't think that 'toughening up' a kid makes them any more ready to face the real world. I think parents have to teach responsibility AND they have to hold their children accountable for what - not just they, but the world at large - will expect of them. The world is full of, among other things of course, anger, judgement, etc. I don't think exposing kids to that primes any kind of proverbial pump in any useful way.

Also, James Earl Jones is really wonderful.
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 3:25 PM on September 27, 2011 [1 favorite]


Oh, Jesus, Fences. I'm probably going to catch some flack for saying this, but fuck that fucking play. It's a poor knock-off of Death of a Salesman, writ black, and Death of a Salesman wasn't all that good a play in the first place.

Let's break it down, shall we?

Blue collar schlub spends his time daydreaming about the missed opportunity of his not-terribly impressive glory days while verbally abusing his son for not following in his footsteps. We later learn that he has been cheating on his long-suffering and saintly to the point of being a caricature wife. Then he dies suddenly and everyone laments how he wasn't that bad a guy and he never really got a fair shake.

So was I just describing Fences or Death of a Salesman? Given that I'd rather go through a root canal than sit through either one of those plays ever again, does it really matter? Take an ugly picture, photocopy it with the tint a few shades darker, and Fences is the result.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 3:44 PM on September 27, 2011 [1 favorite]


Interesting to compare it to a version with Denzel Washington. That clip's feel is a little leavened by the laughter of the audience, but his performance takes on a different nuance too. Denzel's a wonderful actor, but his tone is nothing like James Earl Jones's, and as a result more of the "toughening up a kid who will need to be tough to survive" context comes through, I think.

I still prefer JEJ. His harshness delivers the message in a more subtle way (the hand on his shoulder near the end), and he really hits the key part of the speech, which is the line about not going through life worrying about whether people like you, but whether they do right by you. I think the character as JEJ plays him comes across as more complicated. In a weird way, Denzel's version is almost too present, too attentive to the question. Both tremendous performances, though, of course.
posted by penduluum at 4:04 PM on September 27, 2011 [6 favorites]


WELCOME TO VERIZON
posted by not_on_display at 4:20 PM on September 27, 2011 [2 favorites]


He never says he doesn't like his son. He says he doesn't *have* to like his son. That, to me, is the difference between a message about priorities and just being a sucky parent. "Like" is such a weak word--who wouldn't prefer to have more than that?

Such a difference between that and the sort of message a lot of parents send, which is, here is the laundry list of the things I think of you, and the myriad ways you have failed in being a good child to me, and you owe *me* so much, and if you do the right things, then I'll totally like you. Later. Someday.

My only quibble was that I can sort of hear in my head how good this would be if the two actors sounded just a little more comfortable using black vernacular. Which seems weird, to say of black actors, but it just leaves me with the distinct impression that James Earl Jones and Courtney Vance do not actually speak that way normally--which they don't--and that's just a smidge distracting. But the tone and body language work so well that it's great anyway.
posted by gracedissolved at 4:43 PM on September 27, 2011


...I think it's something to do with poor sentence construction and a risibly tenuous grasp of basic grammar.

It's lulzy, but I heard this in the voice of Sheldon Cooper, and snorted involuntarily.
posted by BrashTech at 4:47 PM on September 27, 2011


Nothing quite so uplifting as the love of a father for his son.
posted by Short Attention Sp at 4:49 PM on September 27, 2011 [1 favorite]


Unless I misremember, Troy does not like this son. Am I wrong? I'm not sure he loves him either. That was what the play was about, I thought.

Like may be a weak word, but I'll likely take it over what was in that scene. It's a nuanced play, imo.
posted by mrgrimm at 4:56 PM on September 27, 2011


I.e ask a complicated question, get a complicated answer.
posted by mrgrimm at 4:59 PM on September 27, 2011 [2 favorites]


This is also a pretty slim post. Where's the meta.
posted by mrgrimm at 5:02 PM on September 27, 2011 [1 favorite]


That said, I don't think that 'toughening up' a kid makes them any more ready to face the real world.

I didn't see a message about toughening up there at all. What I saw was, I own my responsibilities, and you will own yours, like it or not. Just "liking" things, then and frankly now, is a useless metric of anything.

He never says he doesn't like his son. He says he doesn't *have* to like his son.

That's an important observation.
posted by mhoye at 5:02 PM on September 27, 2011


Spoiler: In context, this scene (and several others like it) lead to the young man getting thrown out of the house/falling out with his father. Yes, there is a "he really did love me after all" moment of realization from the son, but only after the dad is dead.

Its really odd to watch a scene out of its context. It would be like linking the bridge of a pop song and treating it as the whole song.
posted by Joey Michaels at 5:05 PM on September 27, 2011


I think one difference in how people may understand this clip can be traced to cultural differences. I think for a number of black males, this is how fathers communicated things to you. I can relate to this clip because it felt like something my father would say to me. My father who is a veteran never ever told me that he loved me but his actions were enough. I don't know if there are any other black males on here have any take on this.
posted by RedShrek at 5:11 PM on September 27, 2011


When I worked in a chain bookstore, I had a co-worker who had a voice that was a ringer for James Earl Jones, and he was a hit when he'd do the closing announcements. I kept begging him to end one with "Luke, I am your father," but he never obliged me.
posted by jonmc at 5:37 PM on September 27, 2011


Reminds me of the soliloquy at the end of the film "Smoke Signals" (and accompanying music). Which See.
posted by Twang at 5:50 PM on September 27, 2011 [1 favorite]


Just "liking" things, then and frankly now, is a useless metric of anything.

Useless metric? I like Strauss better than Webern. I like candy better than poison, forests better than deserts. I like hanging out with people who like art more than with people who have no respect for anything except money, power and duty. Born from decades of exposure to both.

It's possible to be an adult and/or a parent without being an asshole. I learned most of what I know about being a parent from my like/unlike reactions to parents who were complete assholes.

We think too much, feel too little as it is.
posted by Twang at 5:58 PM on September 27, 2011 [3 favorites]


eugenen: "If I had been sitting in the orchestra or the balcony I would probably have been blown away."

It's the only show I've ever seen in NYC, the only time I've ever been there 12/1987. And I was in fact in the cheap seats, about a hundred miles away from the stage, and we could hear it fine, I expect that you are correct -- had we been stage-side we'd have been blown out of the theater.

For whatever (little) it's worth, the play didn't blow my skirt up, but it was a huge deal at that time, so Beth figured we couldn't lose. And I didn't and don't consider it a loss, as much for the experience of it as anything else, a field trip. She'd asked if I wanted to see some lush production (with singers and dancers and trees that jump around or whatever) or A Serious Play, and A Serious Play is absolutely what I wanted, so she found tickets to Fences, which was really heavily loved by just about anybody/everybody who you'd want to heavily love Your Serious Play, should you ever write one.

Because I'm too cool to be into dancing and singing and whatever, big sets with simple themes behind them, Human Stories Writ Large In Primary Colors -- I'm too sophisticated, don't you know. Which is why, when a woman I was sortof friends with / sortof dating / sortof who the fuck knows what we were up to, right? asked me to go with her to West Side Story when it came through town last year, I was totally ho-humming it, went because she wanted to go, time to put on some glad rags and take her, and watch her in her child-like happiness as she enjoys this hokem, etc and etc, yawn yawn yawn. My Civic Duty, etc and etc.

And then when I cried like a kid through so much of it, I was plenty goddamned surprised -- who knew? I even tried to hide it at the first; great as she was in lots of ways, I didn't want to open to her too much, but she saw me that night, whether I wanted or not, and I finally let it happen, and took her arm when she put it through mine just like I was supposed to, like a regular person, and I let her hold mine, too, just like a normal human being would.

Maybe when I was there in NYC we ought to have seen A Big Production. No telling.


RedShrek: "My father who is a veteran never ever told me that he loved me but his actions were enough."

My father had so, so much trouble with saying those words to *any* of us kids, the boys or the girls. Late in his life, he could say it, but you could almost see him pulling those words out, like wisdom teeth being pried out of his mouth. Where he *could* and did talk to us was on the written page, letters, which I absolutely wish I'd saved; they were gold, just gold. But I don't guess I needed to save them, actually; it appears that his sentiment got into me on a deep enough level that I can easily find it to tell you about it here. Those letters were great. The best.
posted by dancestoblue at 6:18 PM on September 27, 2011 [2 favorites]


Thanks for Denzel's version penduluum. I think I agree with your assessment -- also that JEJ's is so restrained and impenetrable -- yet even amidst all that anger, I see some real love there, just love the character can't get across. I'm not familiar with the play though.
posted by sweetkid at 6:22 PM on September 27, 2011


where "being nice" and maybe too-loving might "soften up" a person in a way that doesn't quite prepare them for what they're about to discover in the world of racist America

Milage may vary. Especially when said child, as they grow up, repeatedly encounters peers who are visibly not just cared for, but cared about.

I have a friend who was raised by parents who would put her and her older sister out of the house, and tell them not to come back, whenever they misbehaved. They were routinely critical of the two kids, and did not display affection. This was par for the course in their cultural group.

The elder sister began to treat the younger sister the same way, except she added physical abuse to the mix. As an adult, she started physically abusing her parents. To this day, the elder sister feels justified in basically whatever she does to anyone, ever, because life is tough, and she feels no need to engage in consideration, which she feels she has never received.

tl;dr: There are worse things than a 22-year-old milquetoast.
posted by evidenceofabsence at 7:02 PM on September 27, 2011 [3 favorites]


My buddies and I talk about this sometimes. Our fathers loved us, but they were never our friends. The concept was laughable to them.
posted by maxwelton at 8:05 PM on September 27, 2011


>where "being nice" and maybe too-loving might "soften up" a person in a way that doesn't quite prepare them for what they're about to discover in the world of racist America

Milage may vary. Especially when said child, as they grow up, repeatedly encounters peers who are visibly not just cared for, but cared about.


While I do not have the experience of living as a person of colour (ie, a black person) in the United States, I would say that in oppressive environments it's more important to teach kids values like compassion and empathy, as well as coping mechanisms that allow them to hold onto their humanity and their basic concept of self, no matter what kinds of shit get thrown at them - giving children the tools to retain their basic humanity and personal dignity should trump everything, but of course, parents are only human, and are often damaged to begin with.
posted by KokuRyu at 8:42 PM on September 27, 2011


I have from time to time been good-naturedly admonished by smiling older folks for being as affectionate with my sons as I am, warning me "you're going to spoil him". I get that they're only teasing, but the fact that at one time it wasn't a joke at all makes me sad.
posted by Scoo at 8:53 PM on September 27, 2011 [2 favorites]


I'm with Darth - Like is a selfish bullshit term. We mostly like people who flatter and agree with us. It's pretty vapid and promotes lemming-type behavior. Our society would be much better off valuing respect and admiration.
posted by any major dude at 9:17 PM on September 27, 2011


This is such a totally male way of doing things.

It reminds me of the scene in "Master and Commander" (one of the all time greatest male movies) where Aubry goes below to comfort a midshipman who has lost an arm. Aubry comforts him by giving him a book about/by Adm. Nelson (a brilliant, accomplished one-armed man).

JEJ, also, conveys a character of really awesome complexity in these mere three minutes. High art, that. I wish it was as treasured
posted by From Bklyn at 4:51 AM on September 28, 2011


I had the same response as zippy. The son repeatedly asks why he does not like him. Not that he should, not that there is a law. The son asks the curious question and it is the correct question. JMJ's character evades. He talks about law and duty. He expresses resentment bc apparently whatever the father and mother worked out it did not include this with the son.

What is the reason, the son is asking, for why he doesn't like him? Because either JMJ botched the scene completely, or this dad obviously doesn't like his son. Not liking someone is that persons responsibility, but JMJ doesn't want that responsibility. He'd rather speak in abstractions - duty for instance. But he just doesn't want to face who he is.
posted by scunning at 4:57 AM on September 28, 2011 [1 favorite]


...this dad obviously doesn't like his son.

Yet from the body language I still get the very very clear impression that he loves his son.
posted by From Bklyn at 5:25 AM on September 28, 2011


In a weird way, Denzel's version is almost too present, too attentive to the question.

Mm, yes.

My take: As you grow up, you find some things about life painful and hard to accept, and you struggle against them. (What those things are depends on you and your life.) Life is bigger than you, so you can't win that struggle. Eventually, you give up, you find a way to give up, adjusting your ideas about life somehow so that you can accept the way that things are. When those adjusted ideas — negotiated compromises with life, settled only after long struggle — are contradicted, it triggers a powerful, involuntary flood of anger. You get angry again at the world for not being the way you thought it should be, and you get angry at the person in front of you for threatening the hard-won stability of your compromise with life, for daring to propose (or worse, embody) another way of being in the world.

Well, YMMV, of course. But this notion that it doesn't matter whether people like you, only whether they do right by you — in JEJ's performance, it seems like one of these ideas. Denzel's anger, in contrast, seems almost academic.

It doesn't help that the audience is laughing in the Denzel version. WTF? It's like they've taken the father's side, and are just uncritically relishing the eloquent dressing down.
posted by stebulus at 6:39 AM on September 28, 2011


"This is such a totally male way of doing things. It reminds me of the scene in "Master and Commander" (one of the all time greatest male movies) where Aubry goes below to comfort a midshipman who has lost an arm. Aubry comforts him by giving him a book about/by Adm. Nelson (a brilliant, accomplished one-armed man). JEJ, also, conveys a character of really awesome complexity in these mere three minutes. High art, that. I wish it was as treasured..."

There was a similar sequence in an episode of M*A*S*H* where Charles is faced with an inconsolable wounded soldier whose right arm Charles has had to amputate. Turns out his life was playing the piano. Charles makes a trip to Tokyo and returns with a number of pieces written specifically for one-armed pianists and he tells the wounded soldier not to let the gift of his talent go to waste, but to adapt it and pass his teaching and his passion along to others. Wonderful episode and the fact I can still recall it so well from among many outstanding episodes of that show speaks to its evocative power.

PS... If I might be so bold, this has been one of the most erudite and thoughtful discussion threads I've read in many a month on MeFi. Thanks a hell of a lot to everyone involved!
posted by Mike D at 8:33 AM on September 28, 2011


Yet from the body language I still get the very very clear impression that he loves his son.

Bklyn - I kept hoping I would see something more representative of that. JMJ expertly creates weaves back and forth in this scene to the point that what the father feels is not IMO quite love. It's very sad to see the rhetorical question presented to the son - why do you think I do these things - because like the son, I was so sure, so hopeful, that it might be because the father liked him. But it was not.

To see the son snap to attention, immediately when he is reprimanded, was hard. JMJ feels something for this person, but it's almost as though JMJ is raging that his choices feel so involuntary, so imprisoning. He does not gladly give up everything for his son - he does it because he has to. He doesn't want to, though. Something is making him.

It is no doubt a brillian scene, and JMJ is perfect. I always find JMJ's distinguished accent distracting when I see him in a scene where the character doesn't seem cultivated like the voice. But JMJ compensates by the sheer intimidation he brings. He completely terrifies me. But that is what makes this such a tragic scene. The son knows the dad does not like him, and the courage it must have required to ask that of JMJ -- wow.

Duty. Maybe he cares for his son because of the evolved hard wiring of his boards. But I think he wants out, and he despises the son because his sons existence imposes duty - enslaving duty - on his life. It reminds me of Kate Chopin's The Awakening where the main female character cannot be free precisely because the children claw at her heart and mind. So she kills herself. She cant leave them though. And that's the trap - the duty to the child is a biological prison. Add to that the racism of this period, the complete lack of any economic options, the insecurity in living at all, and you have a man who gives all for someone else because he must. But that is slavery.

When you do something for someone because of sympathy, it is voluntary and it is soul enriching. You trade off your life and it's meaning for the other because it is the source of identity and genuine meaning. You do that because you know that other. You know them, and therefore like them. Love without like is slavery. The son knows that. This father is a tragic person and I only hope that the son found someone who liked him well. And in turn later he, I hope, was able to like his dad. His dad is though so utterly raw, wounded and lost that i am doubtful of his potential to have any genuine, mutually beneficial relationship.

Thank you for this video. I haven't found something so rich and complex in a long time. I was deeply affected by JMJ's portrayal. So much in so little. I think he knew exactly what was happening within this father and the issue of "like" was powerful.
posted by scunning at 3:58 PM on September 28, 2011 [2 favorites]


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