The Bugle is in the bin.
December 16, 2011 6:25 PM Subscribe
After 176+ episodes, satirical podcast The Bugle with John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman will no longer be published by The Times.
This follows Oliver and Zaltzman's repeatedly mocking News Corp. in the wake of the phone hacking scandal (Previously, Previouslier), despite the fact that News Corp. owns The Times.
This follows Oliver and Zaltzman's repeatedly mocking News Corp. in the wake of the phone hacking scandal (Previously, Previouslier), despite the fact that News Corp. owns The Times.
I think it's more that they're not making enough money to justify the bites.
posted by Grimgrin at 6:31 PM on December 16, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by Grimgrin at 6:31 PM on December 16, 2011 [2 favorites]
seems like they could do better on their own anyway, right? There are less popular podcasts that do just that.
posted by Think_Long at 6:33 PM on December 16, 2011
posted by Think_Long at 6:33 PM on December 16, 2011
Bummed about this, and hope the guys can continue. The Bugle is my favorite podcast. They posted a link to a facebook poll regarding whether or not fans would be interested in supporting it via a pay model: http://t.co/Lvw8g08r
posted by JoeGoblin at 6:44 PM on December 16, 2011
posted by JoeGoblin at 6:44 PM on December 16, 2011
Boo!
posted by These Premises Are Alarmed at 6:45 PM on December 16, 2011
posted by These Premises Are Alarmed at 6:45 PM on December 16, 2011
I never did figure out how The Bugle covered their own meager costs. Well, I guess this is the wake up call to figure that out.
posted by pwnguin at 6:47 PM on December 16, 2011
posted by pwnguin at 6:47 PM on December 16, 2011
They should do a pay model which has subscribers getting the newest podcast, and then after a week or two making older episodes available for free. That way, the real fans can have the freshest content, and those willing to wait can eventually get what they want, too.
I'm sure there's enough name recognition involved to draw in a sponsor or two once they get rolling to help offset bandwidth costs.
posted by hippybear at 6:47 PM on December 16, 2011 [1 favorite]
I'm sure there's enough name recognition involved to draw in a sponsor or two once they get rolling to help offset bandwidth costs.
posted by hippybear at 6:47 PM on December 16, 2011 [1 favorite]
Fuck you, Chris!
posted by Beardman at 6:50 PM on December 16, 2011 [21 favorites]
posted by Beardman at 6:50 PM on December 16, 2011 [21 favorites]
How did the Bugle exist anyway? John and Andy do it to drum up an audience for their actual careers, but I don't have a clue what the Times got out of it. For a while they had the "this is a Times Online podcast" intro, but that was the extent of it and later on even this disappeared. The Times booted them off the website after the paywall went up, and the website was never very sensible to begin with (American elections 2008 forever!). Somehow they were still paying for it.
Great show though.
posted by Winnemac at 6:58 PM on December 16, 2011
Great show though.
posted by Winnemac at 6:58 PM on December 16, 2011
Noooooooooo! I would happily pay a nominal annual sum to keep it going. There isn't nearly enough John Oliver on the Daily Show to sustain me. Damn his British charms!
posted by dialetheia at 6:59 PM on December 16, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by dialetheia at 6:59 PM on December 16, 2011 [1 favorite]
Fuck you, Chris!
Indeed: the Oliver and Zaltzman Bugle will hopefully be back in some form, but I wonder if Chris is going to have time to work on a lower rent production. I think he's like a professional editor and shit. Maybe Andy's brother-in-law can help out.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 7:00 PM on December 16, 2011
Indeed: the Oliver and Zaltzman Bugle will hopefully be back in some form, but I wonder if Chris is going to have time to work on a lower rent production. I think he's like a professional editor and shit. Maybe Andy's brother-in-law can help out.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 7:00 PM on December 16, 2011
The fuck?
posted by villanelles at dawn at 7:02 PM on December 16, 2011
posted by villanelles at dawn at 7:02 PM on December 16, 2011
Americans know John Oliver almost exclusively through The Daily Show, from which he, according to the John Oliver link, "at the time of this writing is yet to be fired."
so life goes on
posted by twoleftfeet at 7:20 PM on December 16, 2011
so life goes on
posted by twoleftfeet at 7:20 PM on December 16, 2011
Maybe Andy's brother-in-law can help out.
i love this idea. Let's make it happen!
posted by That's Numberwang! at 7:20 PM on December 16, 2011
i love this idea. Let's make it happen!
posted by That's Numberwang! at 7:20 PM on December 16, 2011
Yeah! Seems like everybody else is launching a podcast network these days. Why not Helen and Olly and Martin?
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 7:22 PM on December 16, 2011
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 7:22 PM on December 16, 2011
Maybe Metafilter's own YoungAmerican could bring them into the maximum fun stable of podcasts, it would be good fit and I think they would enjoy being in the group.
posted by Del Far at 7:26 PM on December 16, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Del Far at 7:26 PM on December 16, 2011 [1 favorite]
I'd pay for the Bugle - and I can't think of many other podcasts I can think of (except the WFMU ones, which I do pay for with pledges) - but the idea of Maximum Fun or Earwolf picking it up doesn't seem like a bad one.
posted by running order squabble fest at 7:29 PM on December 16, 2011
posted by running order squabble fest at 7:29 PM on December 16, 2011
Saltzman did tweet earlier tonight that he felt fairly certain The Bugle would continue under some new auspices. I love the combination of Saltzman and Oliver so much that I'd definitely pay for it. Besides, they've already toppled so many of the world's dictators, it would be a tragedy for them to stop now.
posted by gladly at 7:40 PM on December 16, 2011 [5 favorites]
posted by gladly at 7:40 PM on December 16, 2011 [5 favorites]
It's amazing they've lasted this long - I always assumed no one at NI was listening, and that the budget must've been tiny enough to escape notice.
Maybe Andy's brother-in-law can help out.
Or even his very own sister!
posted by jack_mo at 7:41 PM on December 16, 2011
Maybe Andy's brother-in-law can help out.
Or even his very own sister!
posted by jack_mo at 7:41 PM on December 16, 2011
I'm hoping upon hope that Andy and John (and yes, Fuck You Chris) actually *want* to keep it going. If they do, there are plenty of ways to keep it going.
Severing ties with the Murdochs can't possibly be a negative thing.
posted by Ufez Jones at 7:42 PM on December 16, 2011
Severing ties with the Murdochs can't possibly be a negative thing.
posted by Ufez Jones at 7:42 PM on December 16, 2011
Or even his very own sister!
Well sure, but my somewhat obscure point is that the big thing they'll be needing is a sound man.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 7:46 PM on December 16, 2011
Well sure, but my somewhat obscure point is that the big thing they'll be needing is a sound man.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 7:46 PM on December 16, 2011
Nooooo! Victims of their own success. After toppling Gadaffi, Mubarak, Berlusconi... the rest of the world's leaders are quaking in their boot and are working to silence them.
posted by NailsTheCat at 7:53 PM on December 16, 2011 [6 favorites]
posted by NailsTheCat at 7:53 PM on December 16, 2011 [6 favorites]
[insert fuckeulogy here]
posted by Ufez Jones at 7:57 PM on December 16, 2011 [6 favorites]
posted by Ufez Jones at 7:57 PM on December 16, 2011 [6 favorites]
When I heard about this, I about freaked out, thinking this was the end of the Bugle. They (apparently) recorded the latest one today, and there'll be two more year summary clip shows before the Times kicks them off completely.
Probably one of my favorite podcasts, and definitely the only one I make sure to catch as soon as it comes out, every week. Many have fallen by the wayside while I've kept up with the Bugle. I really hope they figure out something - I'd definitely throw cash at them to keep it going.
Then again, with Berlusconi resigning... I mean, what is there left to live for in the news comedy world?
posted by SNWidget at 8:00 PM on December 16, 2011
Probably one of my favorite podcasts, and definitely the only one I make sure to catch as soon as it comes out, every week. Many have fallen by the wayside while I've kept up with the Bugle. I really hope they figure out something - I'd definitely throw cash at them to keep it going.
Then again, with Berlusconi resigning... I mean, what is there left to live for in the news comedy world?
posted by SNWidget at 8:00 PM on December 16, 2011
I hope they survive. I'm pretty sure they will. It's a quality show with a large, dedicated audience. Someone will jump at the chance. I can honestly say that of the 450 posts I've made to MetaFilter nothing I've linked to has brought me as much joy over the years as The Bugle. When world news has been hideously depressing, I've always been able to think: "Well, at least The Bugle will be extra funny this week."
I'm happy I got an e-mail read out before The Bugle hit turbulence. That took only *checks GMail archive* 19 tries?! Jesus suffering fuck...
posted by Kattullus at 8:11 PM on December 16, 2011
I'm happy I got an e-mail read out before The Bugle hit turbulence. That took only *checks GMail archive* 19 tries?! Jesus suffering fuck...
posted by Kattullus at 8:11 PM on December 16, 2011
Then again, with Berlusconi resigning... I mean, what is there left to live for in the news comedy world?
There's always Hugo Chavez and republican primaries.
posted by knave at 8:27 PM on December 16, 2011
There's always Hugo Chavez and republican primaries.
posted by knave at 8:27 PM on December 16, 2011
So now both The Bugle and the Badonkadonk are unavailable? This planet is worthless.
posted by greenland at 8:37 PM on December 16, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by greenland at 8:37 PM on December 16, 2011 [2 favorites]
I was laughing/snorting listening to them talk about Putin on the el this morning and looked up to see people staring. They seem to enjoy the heck out of doing it, i sure hope they continue.
posted by readery at 9:27 PM on December 16, 2011
posted by readery at 9:27 PM on December 16, 2011
I would pay for this podcast. Guys, hear that?
(And Fuck you, Tom!)
posted by Danf at 10:05 PM on December 16, 2011
(And Fuck you, Tom!)
posted by Danf at 10:05 PM on December 16, 2011
You need to make The Simpsons kind of money to get away with criticizing the boss.
posted by jeblis at 11:23 PM on December 16, 2011
posted by jeblis at 11:23 PM on December 16, 2011
I would pay money for the Bugle, consistently excellent and spot on. Ousting dictators very successfully, I'm looking at you Mr. Murdoch. Also, Fuck You, Chris!
posted by arcticseal at 12:45 AM on December 17, 2011
posted by arcticseal at 12:45 AM on December 17, 2011
I will pay so much money to fuck Chris.
Wait. Did I do that right?
posted by Errant at 1:13 AM on December 17, 2011 [4 favorites]
Wait. Did I do that right?
posted by Errant at 1:13 AM on December 17, 2011 [4 favorites]
Reading this thread gave me a feeling of jamais vu: I've heard the words "fuck you Chris" so many times, but I've never seen them in print.
posted by alexei at 1:53 AM on December 17, 2011
posted by alexei at 1:53 AM on December 17, 2011
I love the Bugle... can't say I ever was able to figure out why the Times would pay for their show, but hopefully someone else will pick it up. I'd certainly pay to support it...
posted by ph00dz at 6:13 AM on December 17, 2011
posted by ph00dz at 6:13 AM on December 17, 2011
Apparently, there are talks with the fine 5by5 folks (see the @danbenjamin tweets) - that would be a neat combination if it works.
posted by motdiem2 at 6:22 AM on December 17, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by motdiem2 at 6:22 AM on December 17, 2011 [2 favorites]
If the Bugle lands on 5by5, it would be my favorite podcast network ever.
posted by ZeusHumms at 7:38 AM on December 17, 2011
posted by ZeusHumms at 7:38 AM on December 17, 2011
I'm happy I got an e-mail read out before The Bugle hit turbulence.
Do tell!
posted by Beardman at 7:51 AM on December 17, 2011
Do tell!
posted by Beardman at 7:51 AM on December 17, 2011
It was the e-mail proposing the big brass balls award from episode 171.
posted by Kattullus at 10:04 AM on December 17, 2011 [6 favorites]
posted by Kattullus at 10:04 AM on December 17, 2011 [6 favorites]
I got an email read on the Bugle as well (on the first try, not that I'm bragging I totally am). It was way back near the beginning, the one correcting Andy's pronunciation of "Arkansas."
It's by far my favorite podcast; easily as funny as the Daily Show, yet less America-centric, commercial free, and in convenient audio form. I would pay hundreds or even thousands of (Zimbabwean) dollars per episode.
posted by jedicus at 10:49 AM on December 17, 2011 [2 favorites]
It's by far my favorite podcast; easily as funny as the Daily Show, yet less America-centric, commercial free, and in convenient audio form. I would pay hundreds or even thousands of (Zimbabwean) dollars per episode.
posted by jedicus at 10:49 AM on December 17, 2011 [2 favorites]
Other than the fact the Twitter feed indicates they're going to keep on making The Bugle and that it had nothing to do with the phone hacking coverage as far as anyone can tell, spot on. The post does honor to The Bugle's approach to bullshit.
posted by yerfatma at 12:02 PM on December 17, 2011
posted by yerfatma at 12:02 PM on December 17, 2011
It was the e-mail proposing the big brass balls award from episode 171.
That was a fantastic email and idea. You have directly contributed to my neighbors' fear of the loon who walks his dog around the block laughing away.
posted by yerfatma at 12:03 PM on December 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
That was a fantastic email and idea. You have directly contributed to my neighbors' fear of the loon who walks his dog around the block laughing away.
posted by yerfatma at 12:03 PM on December 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
Sadly I just don't see how John will be able to continue The Bugle anyway. It's a hard job being a full-time dictator.
posted by fishmasta at 12:40 PM on December 17, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by fishmasta at 12:40 PM on December 17, 2011 [2 favorites]
I've been listening to the Bugle since the beginning, and I've certainly listened to every episode (some more than once). It has brought me a great deal of joy, and it's probably one of the only podcasts that I would pay money for. I would absolutely pay on a weekly (or whatever) basis for new episodes.
Fuck you Chris... fuck you Chris.
posted by X-Himy at 1:00 PM on December 17, 2011
Fuck you Chris... fuck you Chris.
posted by X-Himy at 1:00 PM on December 17, 2011
For no good reason, my favorite Bugle moment from the last few episodes, in re the grim Russian sense of humor:
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"The."
"The who?"
"The Secret Police. Where is your husband?"
posted by Zerowensboring at 2:06 PM on December 17, 2011 [6 favorites]
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"The."
"The who?"
"The Secret Police. Where is your husband?"
posted by Zerowensboring at 2:06 PM on December 17, 2011 [6 favorites]
Kattullus - that's rad... a pretty solid claim to fame. That email totally cracked me up.
From my perspective, as a longtime MaxFun supporter, it'd be awesome to have The Bugle on that network since I already give those guys cash. Obviously, there's the whole Hodgman / Oliver connection there already... maybe that'll be good enough to sway them that way. It also increases the odds that one of those guys will pop up on Jordan Jesse Go. 'Course, it'd be a total shame if the podcast didn't find a wider audience via PRI or whatever...
posted by ph00dz at 3:49 PM on December 17, 2011
From my perspective, as a longtime MaxFun supporter, it'd be awesome to have The Bugle on that network since I already give those guys cash. Obviously, there's the whole Hodgman / Oliver connection there already... maybe that'll be good enough to sway them that way. It also increases the odds that one of those guys will pop up on Jordan Jesse Go. 'Course, it'd be a total shame if the podcast didn't find a wider audience via PRI or whatever...
posted by ph00dz at 3:49 PM on December 17, 2011
Man, that last-but-not-last-ever episode is something special. Now I want a sockpuppet called The Velvet Underground of Logic.
posted by Kattullus at 6:31 AM on December 18, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by Kattullus at 6:31 AM on December 18, 2011 [3 favorites]
Just to chip in and wish a warm fuckyouchris to all fellow Buglers! I've listened to The Bugle do much since 2007-ish, that when I saw Zaltsman perform live a few weeks back, it felt like a letdown. Funny how that works out.
posted by the cydonian at 6:02 AM on December 19, 2011
posted by the cydonian at 6:02 AM on December 19, 2011
Is it ever a shame that this is the week that Kim Jong Il died. That would make for one hell of a fuckyoulogy.
posted by Kattullus at 7:06 AM on December 19, 2011
posted by Kattullus at 7:06 AM on December 19, 2011
Waint, can't The American help out here somehow? Doesn't he have "associates" of some kind in New Jersey who could have a word with Murdoch's American colleagues?
Also, I notice the pointed silence at the end of this epiosode, where previously I recall hearing boilerplate about "if you liked this podcast, please go to times online.co.uk…."
#savethebugle
posted by wenestvedt at 8:42 AM on December 19, 2011
Also, I notice the pointed silence at the end of this epiosode, where previously I recall hearing boilerplate about "if you liked this podcast, please go to times online.co.uk…."
#savethebugle
posted by wenestvedt at 8:42 AM on December 19, 2011
I was grossly disappointed that "fuckeulogy" (or "fuckyoulogy"?) didn't mke any of the "Word of the Year" lists for 2011.
posted by wenestvedt at 8:43 AM on December 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by wenestvedt at 8:43 AM on December 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
I guess Kim Jong-il was part of the farewell goodie bag.
posted by Beardman at 10:33 AM on December 19, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by Beardman at 10:33 AM on December 19, 2011 [2 favorites]
Having disposed of the major dictators (and Silvio) in short order in the last 18 months or so, I expect Andy and John to be wrapping it up with "Our Work Here Is Done".
posted by arcticseal at 6:39 PM on December 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by arcticseal at 6:39 PM on December 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
Is it ever a shame that this is the week that Kim Jong Il died. That would make for one hell of a fuckyoulogy.
Agreed, but we may be getting that fuckyoulogy after all! The Times Online has agreed to host two more episodes, plus the 2011 review shows. That's both enough time for the Bugle to find a new distribution method and plenty of time to devote to Kim Jong Il's farewell.
posted by gladly at 7:13 AM on December 22, 2011 [3 favorites]
Agreed, but we may be getting that fuckyoulogy after all! The Times Online has agreed to host two more episodes, plus the 2011 review shows. That's both enough time for the Bugle to find a new distribution method and plenty of time to devote to Kim Jong Il's farewell.
posted by gladly at 7:13 AM on December 22, 2011 [3 favorites]
Andy Zaltzman (I assume) went on a spectacular Christmas Eve run of nearly 50 tweets. Since it's annoying as hell to read old tweets, here's the whole thing:
BREAKING: Lapland Government denies rumours that Father Christmas has been "seriously injured" in a sleigh crash in Australia.
BREAKING: Unconfirmed reports suggest Father Christmas collided with overhead power cables on the outskirts of Melbourne.
BREAKING: Local woman reports seeing "one reindeer shear off from the pack", before the "out of control" sleigh "veered down at high speed".
Australian police confirm an "elderly bearded male" has been taken to Royal Melbourne Hospital suffering from "head and chest wounds".
BREAKING: ABC News reports "three reindeers dead" at the scene, four "critically hurt", one missing.
BREAKING: Melbourne residents report seeing Father Christmas "driving erratically", "clearly under the influence", and "barely functioning".
BREAKING: Australian animal welfare charity confirms Rudolph is one of the three dead reindeer.
BREAKING: Melbourne police urge local residents "not to help themselves to presents strewn over the crash site".
BREAKING: Melbourne Police chief: "One of those presents could be the black box recorder. And some of the gifts could be radioactive."
BREAKING: Melbourne police urge locals not to approach the missing reindeer. "It might be drunk, and could get violent."
BREAKING: Unconfirmed internet rumours suggest that Father Christmas has died of his injuries from the Melbourne high-speed sleigh smash.
BREAKING: Hospital officials deny Father Christmas has died, but confirm his condition is "serious".
RT @AndyinBrum: First photos http://twitpic.com/show/iphone/7xx1uc from Melbourne
BREAKING: Authorities confirm a fourth reindeer has died. Australian PM Julia Gillard: "I have terrible news. Prancer has passed away."
BREAKING: Catholic and Anglican church authorities reportedly considering "postponing Christmas until mid-January".
BREAKING: Melbourne police report the reindeer crash site has been secured, and that "all presents will eventually be correctly distributed"
BREAKING: UK entrepreneur Richard Branson offers to complete Santa Claus' "tragically curtailed" delivery schedule "by New Year's Eve".
BREAKING: Spokesman for Santa Claus denies local claims that the crash was caused by "a mixture of alcohol and showboating".
BREAKING: Missing reindeer Blitzen has been located, unconscious, with one antler missing, having crashed through the roof of a bus depot.
BREAKING: UK PM David Cameron wishes Father Christmas "a speedy recovery", and praises his "inspirational economic example to the world".
BREAKING: Melbourne Police deny reports that Father Christmas "may have collided with a CIA drone" before crashing into power cables.
BREAKING: Christmas fans gathered outside Royal Melbourne Hospital holding vigil for Father Christmas, whose condition remains unclear.
BREAKING: Royal Melbourne Hospital to make official statement on Father Christmas' injuries at 22.25GMT.
BREAKING: Stony-faced Barack Obama seen hurriedly leaving White House in helicopter.
BREAKING: Archbishop Of Canterbury seen "looking disconsolate" ahead of tonight's Midnight Mass.
BREAKING: Royal Melbourne Hospital confirms that Father Christmas has died. "He suffered unsurvivable injuries in the crash."
BREAKING: Hospital spokesman: "He hit the power cables at 430mph. If he'd been wearing his seatbelt or a helmet, he'd have stood a chance."
BREAKING: Hospital spokesman: "We await the toxicology report, but it seems that he had drunk around 80 gallons of brandy."
BREAKING: Australia PM Julia Gillard: "This is a tragic day for all Christmas worshippers. Father Christmas was an icon and inspiration."
BREAKING: Melbourne police confirm that Blitzen and Dasher are now the only surviving reindeers, with the latter requiring a lung transplant
BREAKING: World's major church leaders issue statement saying Christmas will proceed as scheduled. "No one person is bigger than Christmas."
BREAKING: Santa Claus' spokesman denies he "should have retired long ago". "He was in good physical shape. This is just a tragic accident."
BREAKING: Ex-UK-PM Tony Blair pays tribute to Father Christmas: "He was the trespassing home intruder of people's hearts."
BREAKING: Australian police confirm they will talk to the two surviving reindeers "if and when they wake from unconsciousness".
BREAKING: White House spokesman: "This is a sad day for America. Santa Claus was a great man, and a great American."
BREAKING: Australian government announce that Father Christmas' post mortem will be carried out on Boxing Day, & his reindeers' on 27th.
BREAKING: Australian police confirm that stricken reindeer Blitzen is "under arrest", but still comatose.
BREAKING: Rock legend Elton John offers his own left lung for transplant into surviving reindeer Dasher. "It's the least I can do."
BREAKING: Eastern districts of Melbourne suffering power cuts after Santa Claus' fatal 430mph crash into overhead cables.
BREAKING: Lapland government announces three days of national mourning. "He was a great man and an economically crucial employer."
BREAKING: Conflicting reports suggest Father Christmas' crash was caused by either "reindeer hamstring injury" or "attempted loop-the-loop".
BREAKING: Ex-Yankees coach Joe Torre linked with vacant Father Christmas position.
BREAKING: Santa Claus' spokesman insists "no hasty decision will be made" regarding a successor. "We want to get the right man. Or woman."
BREAKING: UK PM David Cameron blames his predecessor Gordon Brown for fatal Santa crash. "He did nothing to stop it."
BREAKING: Spokesman for Christmas plc urges parents to break the news of Father Christmas' sleigh smash death "sensitively and maturely".
Right, I'm clocking off for the night. Follow @reuters for more updates and tributes to Santa. Happy Christmas, Buglers. Stay strong.
posted by Kattullus at 3:41 PM on December 24, 2011 [3 favorites]
BREAKING: Lapland Government denies rumours that Father Christmas has been "seriously injured" in a sleigh crash in Australia.
BREAKING: Unconfirmed reports suggest Father Christmas collided with overhead power cables on the outskirts of Melbourne.
BREAKING: Local woman reports seeing "one reindeer shear off from the pack", before the "out of control" sleigh "veered down at high speed".
Australian police confirm an "elderly bearded male" has been taken to Royal Melbourne Hospital suffering from "head and chest wounds".
BREAKING: ABC News reports "three reindeers dead" at the scene, four "critically hurt", one missing.
BREAKING: Melbourne residents report seeing Father Christmas "driving erratically", "clearly under the influence", and "barely functioning".
BREAKING: Australian animal welfare charity confirms Rudolph is one of the three dead reindeer.
BREAKING: Melbourne police urge local residents "not to help themselves to presents strewn over the crash site".
BREAKING: Melbourne Police chief: "One of those presents could be the black box recorder. And some of the gifts could be radioactive."
BREAKING: Melbourne police urge locals not to approach the missing reindeer. "It might be drunk, and could get violent."
BREAKING: Unconfirmed internet rumours suggest that Father Christmas has died of his injuries from the Melbourne high-speed sleigh smash.
BREAKING: Hospital officials deny Father Christmas has died, but confirm his condition is "serious".
RT @AndyinBrum: First photos http://twitpic.com/show/iphone/7xx1uc from Melbourne
BREAKING: Authorities confirm a fourth reindeer has died. Australian PM Julia Gillard: "I have terrible news. Prancer has passed away."
BREAKING: Catholic and Anglican church authorities reportedly considering "postponing Christmas until mid-January".
BREAKING: Melbourne police report the reindeer crash site has been secured, and that "all presents will eventually be correctly distributed"
BREAKING: UK entrepreneur Richard Branson offers to complete Santa Claus' "tragically curtailed" delivery schedule "by New Year's Eve".
BREAKING: Spokesman for Santa Claus denies local claims that the crash was caused by "a mixture of alcohol and showboating".
BREAKING: Missing reindeer Blitzen has been located, unconscious, with one antler missing, having crashed through the roof of a bus depot.
BREAKING: UK PM David Cameron wishes Father Christmas "a speedy recovery", and praises his "inspirational economic example to the world".
BREAKING: Melbourne Police deny reports that Father Christmas "may have collided with a CIA drone" before crashing into power cables.
BREAKING: Christmas fans gathered outside Royal Melbourne Hospital holding vigil for Father Christmas, whose condition remains unclear.
BREAKING: Royal Melbourne Hospital to make official statement on Father Christmas' injuries at 22.25GMT.
BREAKING: Stony-faced Barack Obama seen hurriedly leaving White House in helicopter.
BREAKING: Archbishop Of Canterbury seen "looking disconsolate" ahead of tonight's Midnight Mass.
BREAKING: Royal Melbourne Hospital confirms that Father Christmas has died. "He suffered unsurvivable injuries in the crash."
BREAKING: Hospital spokesman: "He hit the power cables at 430mph. If he'd been wearing his seatbelt or a helmet, he'd have stood a chance."
BREAKING: Hospital spokesman: "We await the toxicology report, but it seems that he had drunk around 80 gallons of brandy."
BREAKING: Australia PM Julia Gillard: "This is a tragic day for all Christmas worshippers. Father Christmas was an icon and inspiration."
BREAKING: Melbourne police confirm that Blitzen and Dasher are now the only surviving reindeers, with the latter requiring a lung transplant
BREAKING: World's major church leaders issue statement saying Christmas will proceed as scheduled. "No one person is bigger than Christmas."
BREAKING: Santa Claus' spokesman denies he "should have retired long ago". "He was in good physical shape. This is just a tragic accident."
BREAKING: Ex-UK-PM Tony Blair pays tribute to Father Christmas: "He was the trespassing home intruder of people's hearts."
BREAKING: Australian police confirm they will talk to the two surviving reindeers "if and when they wake from unconsciousness".
BREAKING: White House spokesman: "This is a sad day for America. Santa Claus was a great man, and a great American."
BREAKING: Australian government announce that Father Christmas' post mortem will be carried out on Boxing Day, & his reindeers' on 27th.
BREAKING: Australian police confirm that stricken reindeer Blitzen is "under arrest", but still comatose.
BREAKING: Rock legend Elton John offers his own left lung for transplant into surviving reindeer Dasher. "It's the least I can do."
BREAKING: Eastern districts of Melbourne suffering power cuts after Santa Claus' fatal 430mph crash into overhead cables.
BREAKING: Lapland government announces three days of national mourning. "He was a great man and an economically crucial employer."
BREAKING: Conflicting reports suggest Father Christmas' crash was caused by either "reindeer hamstring injury" or "attempted loop-the-loop".
BREAKING: Ex-Yankees coach Joe Torre linked with vacant Father Christmas position.
BREAKING: Santa Claus' spokesman insists "no hasty decision will be made" regarding a successor. "We want to get the right man. Or woman."
BREAKING: UK PM David Cameron blames his predecessor Gordon Brown for fatal Santa crash. "He did nothing to stop it."
BREAKING: Spokesman for Christmas plc urges parents to break the news of Father Christmas' sleigh smash death "sensitively and maturely".
Right, I'm clocking off for the night. Follow @reuters for more updates and tributes to Santa. Happy Christmas, Buglers. Stay strong.
posted by Kattullus at 3:41 PM on December 24, 2011 [3 favorites]
I may have annoyed some folks by retweeting the lot of that.
posted by Artw at 4:05 PM on December 24, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by Artw at 4:05 PM on December 24, 2011 [2 favorites]
Trust Tony Blair to stick an oar in.
posted by arcticseal at 4:19 PM on December 24, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by arcticseal at 4:19 PM on December 24, 2011 [1 favorite]
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posted by zarq at 6:28 PM on December 16, 2011 [1 favorite]