With him, it will be safe

February 28, 2012 9:36 AM

"You’ll be happy with him. He’ll protect you like a stone wall." First time, only for <3.

Via. Includes translation.

Russian backers of Prime Minister Vladimir Putin for president are appealing to "virgin" voters with racy advertisements nudging them to make him their "first."

Others:
And it's about right that you want it for love. I fully support your choice.
You should not be afraid of this.

Also: Candid video about the "First Time"

posted by Mister Fabulous (29 comments total)

So... Putin will deflower Russia?
posted by charred husk at 9:44 AM on February 28, 2012

Pull my lever, baby.
posted by maryr at 9:46 AM on February 28, 2012

Drink Putin Flavor Aid. Now in new Cherry flavor!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:48 AM on February 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

He doesn't put out - but he does Putin.

(I don't even really)

(drops mic)

(feedback)
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 9:49 AM on February 28, 2012 [28 favorites]

An eponymous liquid was coined, and there was much surging from behind.
posted by obscurator at 9:51 AM on February 28, 2012

I am increasingly worried that Putin is what happens when Victor Van Doom wants you to like him.
posted by The Whelk at 9:56 AM on February 28, 2012 [12 favorites]

Is he catering to the virgin vote or to the guys who wish they were attractive to virgins vote?
posted by zippy at 9:58 AM on February 28, 2012 [4 favorites]

Yes.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 9:59 AM on February 28, 2012

I wonder how much it would cost me to get my mug glued onto tarot cards and distributed to Russian fortune tellers with the objective of tricking hot young Russians into sleeping with me. I bet not that much. I suspect it would be a remarkably affordable way to score with girls that favour very severe bangs.
posted by Keith Talent at 10:00 AM on February 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

"Ivan, why are these ballots all sticky?"
"No idea."
"I mean, it's kinda gross."
"We'll wash the machines down with the vodka."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 10:00 AM on February 28, 2012

I secretly want Vladimir Putin to burst in, hold me down, and just take my civil liberties.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 10:05 AM on February 28, 2012 [14 favorites]

I secretly want Vladimir Putin to burst in, hold me down, and just take my civil liberties.

Ssh, you're posting with your out-loud voice again!
posted by zippy at 10:17 AM on February 28, 2012 [8 favorites]

I'm waiting for the inevitable curiously wel lit and cherographed Putin sex tape where he manages to satisfy an entire ballerina squad.
posted by The Whelk at 10:21 AM on February 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

The medium's plasma ball is a nice touch. Although I think the electrostatic field might make the spirits itchy.
posted by bitmage at 10:31 AM on February 28, 2012

He doesn't put out - but he does Putin.

We don't wanna put in, a negative mood is killing the groove
posted by Copronymus at 10:32 AM on February 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

In Soviet Russia, civil liberties take Putin.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:32 AM on February 28, 2012

*titters behind hand over lower half of the face*
posted by infini at 11:22 AM on February 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

The medium's plasma ball is a nice touch.

The whole thing is nicely produced. Very professional. It is almost as if Putin really needs to appeal to voters in a positive way.

Lenin starved his opponents, Stalin shot them, but Putin - the wimp - uses television advertising.
posted by three blind mice at 11:33 AM on February 28, 2012

"Like a virgin, polled for the very first time...."
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:43 AM on February 28, 2012 [3 favorites]

"Hey, did somebody here order a twelve-inch poisoned umbrella?"
posted by steambadger at 12:26 PM on February 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

"Ew." "Seriously?" "So Gross" Yep, that about covers it.


I still maintain that he looks like a Bond Film Main Henchman.
(Just plain doesn't look smart enough to be the Villain.)
posted by djrock3k at 12:31 PM on February 28, 2012

Last year, the site adme.ru asked its users to submit alternative slogans for well-known Russian brands. Here is a selection:

National Mail Service ("Почта России") — Lots of you, just one of me.
National Savings Bank ("Сбербанк") — Always a line!
Gazprom — Keep dreaming!
Russian Railroads ("РЖД") — Go to hell!
McDonald's — Neither fish nor fowl.
Moscow Metro — Bringing people together.
Instant meals Доширак — Now with pictures!
"Vizit"-brand condoms — Break through!
posted by Nomyte at 3:49 PM on February 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

Putin in a dress with a Dame Judy voiceover about women's rights.

Naw.

Quizzically, Craig, an actor, seems more real than Putin...
posted by djrock3k at 3:51 PM on February 28, 2012

Feminist punk band Pussy Riot take revolt to the Kremlin: Anonymous band with provocative anti-Putin lyrics – who have become a symbol of Russian youth's discontent – are preparing for their next surprise performance

Pussy Riot, Russian All-Girl Punk Band, Surprises Moscow Cathedral With Performance
posted by homunculus at 7:32 PM on February 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

Putin's team have demonstrated their knack for propaganda previously, with the music video "A Man Like Putin." Similar strong-man message, but in this one Putin actually appears as a James Bond (or Bond villain?) figure. This dates to before 2008, so watch for the part where he covers the phone receiver and mouths "Bush" (or BOOOSH, in Russian) to the thug he's sitting with (can someone identify if that's Medvedev?)
posted by gusandrews at 8:12 PM on February 28, 2012

Not Medvedev, not even a little bit.

Related: Vova rules! Features Putin thwarting 007, dueling with Snape, fighting Vader, Putin as Ahnuld in Commando, etc.
posted by Nomyte at 9:02 PM on February 28, 2012

The Wrath of Putin: Mikhail Khodorkovsky was the richest man in Russia when he dared confront then president Vladimir Putin, criticizing state corruption at a meeting with Putin in February 2003. Arrested that fall, then convicted in two Kafka-esque trials, Khodorkovsky has been imprisoned ever since, the once powerful oligarch now an invisible hero for the growing opposition to Putin’s tyranny. From Moscow, as elections approach and demonstrators spill into the streets, Masha Gessen chronicles the clash of two titans, each of whom has badly underestimated the other.
posted by homunculus at 7:02 PM on March 3, 2012

The Daily Show: Author Masha Gessen discusses Russia's upcoming elections and the unprecedented number of protesters taking a stand against Vladimir Putin.
posted by homunculus at 7:03 PM on March 3, 2012

Vladimir Putin and his supporters are celebrating victory in Russian elections, that will give him a third presidential term after spending the last four years as the country's PM.
posted by homunculus at 1:02 AM on March 5, 2012