The Things You Should Have Already Experienced On The Internet

December 20, 2012 1:26 PM

List Of The Things You Should Have Already Experienced On The Internet Greg Rutter does it again with his “Definitive List Of The Things You Should Have Already Experienced On The Internet In 2012 Unless You’re A Loser His other two previous lists can be found here and here. Always an entertaining way to burn an afternoon or two.
posted by hubs (85 comments total)

I've only seen the Bob Ross one.
posted by Melismata at 1:27 PM on December 20, 2012

My wife hates the Internet, and I suspect that each of the items cited on these lists could be listed in her pantheon of reasons.
posted by Danf at 1:28 PM on December 20, 2012 [7 favorites]

He spelled Gangnam Style wrong specifically as a nerd trap, I am certain.
posted by jessamyn at 1:29 PM on December 20, 2012 [4 favorites]

I'm an old loser. I'm okay with that.
posted by rtha at 1:33 PM on December 20, 2012 [5 favorites]

67) A style manual
posted by bondcliff at 1:35 PM on December 20, 2012 [4 favorites]

He also spelled Coachella wrong, but that doesn't disprove Jessamyn's theory. I've seen about 1/3 of these, I think.
posted by Phire at 1:39 PM on December 20, 2012

May I also suggest Jimmy Fallon's Ragtime Gals? Sweat and It Wasn't Me
posted by 2bucksplus at 1:40 PM on December 20, 2012

So it's a list of youtube videos? That seems a rather … well, to put it politely, 'narrow' … definition of "The Internet".
posted by Pinback at 1:40 PM on December 20, 2012 [24 favorites]

I saw and enjoyed many of the things on this list, yet somehow seeing them all together like that just feels like....so, that's that, hunh? way to go, culture?
posted by Diablevert at 1:43 PM on December 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

I saw this list yesterday.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 1:43 PM on December 20, 2012 [4 favorites]

"I haven't seen this" is the Olds version of "I liked this before it was cool."
posted by Lutoslawski at 1:44 PM on December 20, 2012 [8 favorites]

Also, I'm frankly getting sick of the internet shaming the melodica. First we have it being called merely a "classroom instrument" or a "toy." Here we have a video of someone who cannot properly play the melodica.

Mark my words, internet: melodica virtuosity will have its day on YouTube.
posted by Lutoslawski at 1:46 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

What about jQuery's excellent online documentation?
The Metafilter election day thread?
The complete online transcript of the Affordable Healthcare Act?

oh wait, unless you're a loser.
nevermind.
posted by mcstayinskool at 1:47 PM on December 20, 2012 [7 favorites]

Just curious, what percentage of these have been featured on the blue?
posted by rouftop at 1:50 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

I can't believe I missed the Jurassic Park Melodica Cover somehow; it is easily the best thing on that list.


That made me laugh the most of anything today. And I was in the heart-->butt thread.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 1:52 PM on December 20, 2012

The All 135 Shuttle Launches at the same time was pretty awesome and also heartbreaking.
posted by Lutoslawski at 1:53 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

So it's a list of youtube videos? That seems a rather … well, to put it politely, 'narrow' … definition of "The Internet".

Yeah, I was expecting a list like: Ebay auction scammers, browser updates that break all of your plugins, and experiencing what it's like when your bank's website goes down for 36 hours before a major holiday.
posted by ceribus peribus at 1:53 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

That was 20 minutes of my life wasted waiting for Kramer to say the N word.
posted by phaedon at 1:54 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Just curious, what percentage of these have been featured on the blue?

69.6% have had FPPs
100%, because of this post, have been referred to.
47.8% have had doubles deleted
32.9% have resulted in a metatalk question phrased as "Why the hell did you delete my FPP????"
12.3% are at the top of Cortex's bookmarks list.

I made up 100% of those statistics.
posted by HuronBob at 1:55 PM on December 20, 2012 [13 favorites]

YouTube, YouTube, YouTube, YouTube, YouTube, YouTube, YouTube, YouTube, YouTube, YouTube, YouTube, YouTube, YouTube, YouTube, YouTube, YouTube, Instagram, YouTube, YouTube, YouTube, YouTube, YouTube, Tumblr, YouTube, YouTube, YouTube, YouTube, YouTube, YouTube, YouTube, YouTube, YouTube, YouTube, YouTube...

Dude needs to get around more.
posted by Thorzdad at 1:56 PM on December 20, 2012 [8 favorites]

Gangnam Style is closing in on 1 billion views.
posted by COD at 1:57 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

YouTube, Brute?
posted by chavenet at 1:58 PM on December 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

The one of the New Zealand soldiers performing Haka, which didn't make the blue so far as I can tell, is kind of amazing.
posted by Lutoslawski at 2:01 PM on December 20, 2012 [19 favorites]

"Yeah, I was expecting a list like: Ebay auction scammers, browser updates that break all of your plugins, and experiencing what it's like when your bank's website goes down for 36 hours before a major holiday."

You may snark, but I was expecting a list of interesting things I should have experienced - not a list of mediocre things I should have watched.

(And there's no way in hell any cover - not even that one - of that execrable Gotye dirge should be on that list. FFS, the song was worn out as an advertising jingle 3 years ago…)
posted by Pinback at 2:04 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

Damn, man... I'd never seen that soldier funeral Haka thing. I want that whole army to sing for my band!
posted by SharkParty at 2:06 PM on December 20, 2012

"Mr. Wizard being a dick" just made my whole YEAR.

Yeah, I'm old. I'm OK with that.
posted by ShutterBun at 2:07 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

No, I'm with you, Pinback. No snark intended, I was expecting a list like "where were you during the great gmail outage of '12", or something about the Olympics coverage, maybe.
posted by ceribus peribus at 2:12 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

I will never see ganganam style nor any parodies.

If you haven't seen it, why do you have such strong feelings about not seeing it?
posted by Malor at 2:17 PM on December 20, 2012 [8 favorites]

There's only one reason somebody needs to 'experience' Rich Kids of Instagram. And it's to stoke the too cold coals of class resentment into an overwhelming inferno.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 2:20 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Just curious, what percentage of these have been featured on the blue?

I couldn't tell you, but the five of these I have seen previously, I found here. (yeah, I need to get out more)
posted by piyushnz at 2:22 PM on December 20, 2012

My wife hates the Internet, and I suspect that each of the items cited on these lists could be listed in her pantheon of reasons.

Yes, my wife will not look at a youtube link, for nearly any reason, because she is convinced the only thing on there are things like what’s on this list.

I’ve only seen 4-5 of them, and I wouldn’t count any of those as something I’d recommend. I wasn’t compelled to click on any of the ones I didn’t see. I’ll just have to go on living without first hand knowledge of Call Me Maybe. I saw Ganganangnam Style and that will have to hold me over.

I’m old, I’m here, get used to it.
posted by bongo_x at 2:25 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

I saw the Gangnam thing only a week ago. Yes, I'm old and something and I don't care.
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 2:28 PM on December 20, 2012

If your number that saw here was 5 and you need to get out more, then god help some of us.


(you know who we are)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 2:28 PM on December 20, 2012

I don't understand. I only came here for the woodworking videos.
posted by pipeski at 2:28 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

What the hell? We're a group of people (with perhaps a few sentient house plants) that spend time together on the Internet looking at crazy shit and we are now collectively complaining there's too much crazy shit n the Internet?

This strikes me as the 2013 version of "I don't own a TV". Pretending to be too cool for Youtube is terrible.
posted by Keith Talent at 2:32 PM on December 20, 2012 [27 favorites]

For those who don't understand how very,very,very important (and comprehensive) these lists are, Greg's left this in the source code of his first list (3rd link):

"Check the facts shithead. This isn’t some half assed attempt to blow your fucking mind. This is a bold, desperate, and awe-inspiring attempt to cover you with your own brain matter. I’m talking full on inside-out head act. The doctors will look at you and go ‘hmm, the brain is on the outside, then some veins, then the skull, and then the face is on the inside’. I’m trying to give you something on par with viewing God for the first time. Your eyes will melt and your heart will turn into glass. Some fucked up shit. Now start scrolling through the big list and stop reading my code, nerd."
posted by hubs at 2:35 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

Regarding no.1, the marriage proposal video: Did anyone else think the woman in the red dress was the one making the proposal? I was surprised when the dude showed up at the end.
posted by the sobsister at 2:36 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

Just curious, what percentage of these have been featured on the blue?

After a quick search of the top ten, it looks like nine of the top ten (no mention of the ninth place "shark bait" video here that I could find at all) had FPPs in the blue. Some (like Gangnam Style and its numerous parodies) received a lot more attention than others.
posted by Avelwood at 2:38 PM on December 20, 2012

Glancing through I (unfortunately) haven't noticed one that is new to me. Yes I sit at a computer all day. No it's not related to my job- I simply can't afford cable.

I also checked the first 10 against metafilter's search and they all appeared on mefi at some point. From that sample I'm willing to guess at least 90% have, if not all of them.



(#s 6, 7, 28, 42, 44, 48, 53, 63, and 64 are all non videos to give the guy some credit I guess...?)
posted by ~Bert at 2:39 PM on December 20, 2012

I will never see ganganam style nor any parodies.

If you haven't seen it, why do you have such strong feelings about not seeing it?

I've also taken this on, as a personal internet challenge in much the same way that a Masai warrior would test his skill by plucking a hair from the mane of a sleeping lion, to never see or hear Gangnam Style.
posted by Flashman at 2:43 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

Oh crap, I just found the shark thing.

You're right ~Bert... All of the first ten got FPPs.
posted by Avelwood at 2:51 PM on December 20, 2012

Heads up: the one called Krispy Kreme doesn't have anything at all to do with doughnuts. As far as I can tell, anyway.
posted by jquinby at 2:54 PM on December 20, 2012

I've also taken this on, as a personal internet challenge

Me too. I fear that I will be tricked into clicking on a link to it. Occasionally I see a single still frame, and I feel contaminated.
posted by charlie don't surf at 2:56 PM on December 20, 2012

Holy hell, I just watched the one with the golden eagle. Brick were nearly shat.
posted by jquinby at 3:01 PM on December 20, 2012

1) Fascination
2) Betrayal
3) Cynicism
4) Frustration
5) Embarrassment
6) Creeping dread
7) Love
8) Ennui
posted by RobotHero at 3:03 PM on December 20, 2012 [4 favorites]

I'm quite happy to be considered a loser, as it means I don't have to waste time or energy on the kind of people who go around calling people losers.
posted by Grangousier at 3:03 PM on December 20, 2012

This is so much fun! I love it! I'm GLAD I haven't seen most of these already. I will be SAD when I have.

Also, I have a really, really, really crappy internet connection at my house (which is, unsurprisingly really great for work productivity) and the suspense is killing me. But it's slowing me down too, so I'll probably either spend a week watching these...or be up all night tonight alternating between cursing and laughing.
posted by iamkimiam at 3:05 PM on December 20, 2012

My sister's friend had a rather similar wedding proposal to the one in the first link. Same song. Dancing and lip-syncing. The guy paid some party-planner-type people to put it all together for several thousand dollars. There were a bunch of people that volunteered to show up and dance and everything. I wonder if it was arranged by the same people or if they just stole the idea?
posted by orme at 3:06 PM on December 20, 2012

I wonder if it was arranged by the same people or if they just stole the idea?

Not sure if they stole it or just coincidence, but I don't think the folks in the video hired anyone to plan it, so not the same people. They're all friends from the Portland theatre community and do that kind of thing for a living, more or less.
posted by Lutoslawski at 3:09 PM on December 20, 2012

The eagle-snatches-kid video is fake.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 3:10 PM on December 20, 2012

The 100000 euros (?) bill for that St Tropez dinner is depressing. That kind of shit makes you realize, as someone said on another thread (sorry for the lack of proper attribution) there was indeed a class war and we lost it.
posted by Iosephus at 3:11 PM on December 20, 2012

fentooooooooonnnnnn????
posted by mippy at 3:12 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

I just found out about One Pound Fish Man last week.
posted by mippy at 3:14 PM on December 20, 2012

I can't believe I missed the Jurassic Park Melodica Cover yt somehow; it is easily the best thing on that list.

I'm just going to go take a bathos.

Isaac and Amy's Lip-Dub Proposal Explained
posted by dhartung at 3:14 PM on December 20, 2012

Late breaking update: Truck hits guy with exercise ball, which -- probably fake, yes yes -- is some good ol' redneck style HEY WATCH THIS GUYS Jackassery.

mippy: " fentooooooooonnnnnn????"

JAISUS CHROIST FENTON
posted by boo_radley at 3:16 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Sigh. There went 2 hours, just like that.
posted by Chuffy at 3:34 PM on December 20, 2012

Speaking of Haka, there's a pretty cool video of all the Maori stuntment from LoTR performing one for Viggo on his last day on set.
posted by Bluecoat93 at 3:35 PM on December 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

I'm both proud and ashamed to say I've only seen seven of these. I also watched the video of Michael Jackson's "Black or White" for the first time yesterday, but am pleased to say that I saw Thriller in 2010.

Yes I grew up in the United States and am in my mid-thirties and a native English speaker. If only reddit had existed when I was seven, I would never have this problem now.
posted by tapir-whorf at 4:14 PM on December 20, 2012

A few things:

I bought some of those dollar shave club razors this year, because I continue to be scandalized by the price of Gillette razors. They were pretty good, especially for the price but nothing like the Gillette razors and the total and complete smoothness you get from them.

I don't know how I missed it the first time around but I think special mention needs to go to Sweet Brown, who is delightful.
posted by young sister beacon at 4:14 PM on December 20, 2012

Yay, I'm a "loser" and the only one of those things I've seen wasn't worth seeing. (One was greyed out. I know I've seen that one, and the rest look unfamiliar.)
posted by Listener at 4:28 PM on December 20, 2012

zombo.com should be on every year's list no matter how old it gets.
posted by Kafkaesque at 5:04 PM on December 20, 2012 [6 favorites]

Bottles beware started out well, but half way through all I could think was, "Why does he have so many knives?"
posted by Orange Pamplemousse at 5:04 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

s/Gangnam Style/Who Let The Dogs Out/g
posted by benzenedream at 5:12 PM on December 20, 2012

I've also taken this on, as a personal internet challenge in much the same way that a Masai warrior would test his skill by plucking a hair from the mane of a sleeping lion, to never see or hear Gangnam Style.

I have not succeeded at this with Gangnam Style, but I did manage it with Rebecca Black's Friday, and I still feel bizarrely proud of that. I have no idea what that song sounds like! All I know about it is what Rebecca Black looks like and that the song is terrible!
posted by yasaman at 5:42 PM on December 20, 2012

Heh, sounds like you guys are having more fun avoiding the popular videos than we are by seeing them. :)
posted by Malor at 5:44 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

The train guy video must be the wrong link. The original video is the funny one, not this spoof (ok, it's moderately funny too).
posted by yeti at 5:55 PM on December 20, 2012

Regarding no.1, the marriage proposal video: Did anyone else think the woman in the red dress was the one making the proposal?

I figured she was a sister, since they looked a bit similar. I have to admit I was kinda crushin' on the red-dress woman by the end.
posted by threeants at 6:49 PM on December 20, 2012

Holy shit. A battalion of soldiers performing a Haka brings it to life as a war cry for me in the way a football team never has.
posted by adamt at 6:53 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'm surprised how many of these I've missed.

(Real Actors Read Yelp is hilarious.)
posted by Sys Rq at 6:57 PM on December 20, 2012

Were you listening to me, Neo? Or were you looking at the woman in the red dress?
posted by tyllwin at 7:08 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

It's youtube all the way down.
posted by theora55 at 8:15 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Is this something I'd have to have broadband to understand?
posted by mazola at 8:21 PM on December 20, 2012

I'd seen 21. I'm all right with that. It's enough to feel like I kind of know what's going on, but not so much that I feel like I never get off the Internet. (It is still essentially true that I never get off the Internet, but at least the list doesn't make me feel that way.)
posted by danb at 8:33 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Well I hadn't seen Mr. Wizard's A Dick before, and I couldn't even get through it, I had to pause because I was laughing so hard, so that's good.
posted by grog at 9:49 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

I posted one of his previous compilations to Facebook, only to have my (older, respectable, motherly) friend point out he'd linked to lemonparty. Crapsticks!
posted by beepbeepboopboop at 9:50 PM on December 20, 2012

"Mr. Wizard being a dick" just made my whole YEAR.

Indeed. It's like being Rickrolled by Al Haig.
posted by Pudhoho at 11:27 PM on December 20, 2012

"I haven't seen this" is the Olds version of "I liked this before it was cool."

Actually it's the "olds" version of "I don't give a shit." Or, even better, "I already saw this at the end of the 6:00 local news." (Yes, some Old People like me still watch those things.)
posted by blucevalo at 5:43 AM on December 21, 2012

It is pretty much the definition of loser to call people losers for not participating in something the same way you do. Anyway, great list.
posted by caddis at 6:26 AM on December 21, 2012

Videos are swell and all, but I would place the Metafilter election night thread right at the top of any list of "musts," but only if you followed it while it was happening. Because it was an amazing experience which could ONLY have happened via Internet.

(thanks again, guys -- that was one Hell of a ride!)
posted by kinnakeet at 6:29 AM on December 21, 2012

Mark my words, internet: melodica virtuosity will have its day on YouTube.

Well there was this one Saturday....
posted by not_that_epiphanius at 6:34 AM on December 21, 2012

No. 51: all caps shouting.
posted by anothermug at 7:38 AM on December 21, 2012

It is pretty much the definition of loser to call people losers for not participating in something the same way you do.

So much offense taken in this thread...did no one else read the title of this list as tongue-in-cheek?
posted by LooseFilter at 10:46 AM on December 21, 2012

did no one else read the title of this list as tongue-in-cheek

Yep. I did. But since I'm both old and a loser, he can get his tongue out of my cheek. I'm choosy.
posted by tyllwin at 11:02 AM on December 21, 2012

I have seen most of these referenced around the net so often that I don't even need to actually watch them.

The proposal video was cute, but I had already seen it.
posted by HypotheticalWoman at 12:29 PM on December 21, 2012

There was actually some pretty neat stuff in there, good for some pre-weekend viewing. I honestly don't understand the "I"m so proud to be isolated from popular culture" sentiment. Is this some sort of Metafilter version of hipsterism?
posted by happyroach at 1:51 PM on December 21, 2012