Cybermania 94: The Ultimate Shame Awards
March 15, 2013 10:50 PM Subscribe
Ever wanted to watch a video games award show from 1994 hosted by Leslie Neilson and Jonathan Taylor Thomas? Well, your extremely questionable prayers have been answered (single two hour youtube link, stick around for all the commercials and a very early appearance by Will Arnett)
For those who don't feel like watching the entire video, the Cliff's Notes.
posted by teraflop at 11:20 PM on March 15, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by teraflop at 11:20 PM on March 15, 2013 [3 favorites]
7th Guest beat Myst? Is that Brian McKnight? And the square friend from A So Called Life? Why is my voice so high?!
posted by Brocktoon at 11:28 PM on March 15, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by Brocktoon at 11:28 PM on March 15, 2013 [3 favorites]
my extremely questionable prayers are kept in a shoe box with a padlock under my bed upon which I tap my forehead every night thank you very much,
posted by mannequito at 11:33 PM on March 15, 2013
posted by mannequito at 11:33 PM on March 15, 2013
OK, I've skimmed enough to last another two decades. Somebody tell me where Will Arnett appears so I can, uh, take this extra dinner up to the attic.
posted by dhartung at 11:50 PM on March 15, 2013
posted by dhartung at 11:50 PM on March 15, 2013
The Little Ceasars commercial was funny. I know they're still around but I can't remember the last time I saw a commercial for their crummy cheap pizza
posted by smoothvirus at 12:07 AM on March 16, 2013
posted by smoothvirus at 12:07 AM on March 16, 2013
I watched/skimmed through the entire hour-and-a-half long show. It had all of the redeeming qualities that has been invented by the 90's.
posted by cmoj at 12:07 AM on March 16, 2013
posted by cmoj at 12:07 AM on March 16, 2013
JOHNATHAN TAYLOR THOMAS
posted by hellojed at 12:13 AM on March 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by hellojed at 12:13 AM on March 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
Things were delightfully weird back then.
yes but now things are smooth and professional or really self-conscious or blankly ironic
isn't that so much better
(not really!)
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 12:44 AM on March 16, 2013
Can I just say THANK GOD that Mortal Kombat won best game. It makes total sense. MK had many advantages over SFII. For instance, its narrow and bland roster made for a smart and efficient design. If every character's punch and kick is going to look exactly the same, why waste time developing characters that show variety? Indeed, MK's gameplay was identical from one character to the next, which made for smooth transitioning and no reason for the player to feel invested in any particular character. (SFII players who cultivated skill playing Dhalsim? Suckers!!)
The designers of MK recognized that a game's true value had nothing to do with actual gameplay itself, but rather with delivering a quick flash of shock and gore. "Fatality!" elevated the industry and inspired generations of game designers. Unfortunately many kids in those days were obsessed with things like thoughtful design and imaginative gameplay, so MK nearly languished in obscurity, but JTT rallied his troops to the phones and in 1994 we finally got one right.
posted by cribcage at 12:58 AM on March 16, 2013 [10 favorites]
The designers of MK recognized that a game's true value had nothing to do with actual gameplay itself, but rather with delivering a quick flash of shock and gore. "Fatality!" elevated the industry and inspired generations of game designers. Unfortunately many kids in those days were obsessed with things like thoughtful design and imaginative gameplay, so MK nearly languished in obscurity, but JTT rallied his troops to the phones and in 1994 we finally got one right.
posted by cribcage at 12:58 AM on March 16, 2013 [10 favorites]
the 90s appear uglier than I remember. this is what happens when drugs wear off.
posted by philip-random at 1:48 AM on March 16, 2013
posted by philip-random at 1:48 AM on March 16, 2013
Tangentally related, but who remembers Starcade?
The 80s is as ugly as you remember.
posted by Mezentian at 3:23 AM on March 16, 2013 [3 favorites]
The 80s is as ugly as you remember.
posted by Mezentian at 3:23 AM on March 16, 2013 [3 favorites]
Oh my, did I just see an unironic key-tar solo at 1:07:55? Changtastic!
posted by biddeford at 3:35 AM on March 16, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by biddeford at 3:35 AM on March 16, 2013 [3 favorites]
Tangentally related, but who remembers Starcade?
I don't, but I do remember Video Power, though curiously I missed the later competition format entirely and only remember it as being a very lacking, syndicated, Acclaim-centric version of Nintendo's Captain N (Kids today with their Wiimotes and Kinects--they don't know the simple joys of running around outside with an NES Zapper in hand saving Video Land).
I also remember watching GamePro TV, which I couldn't remember the name of until I traced the breadcrumbs of my childhood. I knew it was hosted by the same guy who hosted Fun House who turns out to have been J.D. Roth who now narrates The Biggest Loser and produces a ton of bad reality television? Wow. At least Howard Philips is still cool.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 5:29 AM on March 16, 2013
I don't, but I do remember Video Power, though curiously I missed the later competition format entirely and only remember it as being a very lacking, syndicated, Acclaim-centric version of Nintendo's Captain N (Kids today with their Wiimotes and Kinects--they don't know the simple joys of running around outside with an NES Zapper in hand saving Video Land).
I also remember watching GamePro TV, which I couldn't remember the name of until I traced the breadcrumbs of my childhood. I knew it was hosted by the same guy who hosted Fun House who turns out to have been J.D. Roth who now narrates The Biggest Loser and produces a ton of bad reality television? Wow. At least Howard Philips is still cool.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 5:29 AM on March 16, 2013
Can I just say THANK GOD that Mortal Kombat won best game.
Not that it didn't deserve to win, but I was going to be all cynical and go, "That's just because Time-Warner owns both TBS, who unleashed Cybermania on the world, and New Line Cinema, who made the 1995 Mortal Kombat movie that this whole charade is clearly a warmup for," and then I remembered that Time-Warner didn't acquire either of those properties until 1996, so, hey. (Time-Warner also bought Mortal Kombat itself in 2009, along with the rest of Midway Games, for like a dollar or something.)
posted by Sys Rq at 5:57 AM on March 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
Not that it didn't deserve to win, but I was going to be all cynical and go, "That's just because Time-Warner owns both TBS, who unleashed Cybermania on the world, and New Line Cinema, who made the 1995 Mortal Kombat movie that this whole charade is clearly a warmup for," and then I remembered that Time-Warner didn't acquire either of those properties until 1996, so, hey. (Time-Warner also bought Mortal Kombat itself in 2009, along with the rest of Midway Games, for like a dollar or something.)
posted by Sys Rq at 5:57 AM on March 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
I can see this video being redeeming, but only if Leslie Nielsen pulls an Orson Wells.
I never got into Mortal Kombat (I'm more of an 80s vintage) but kids did love that game. The violence connection is right on, but the head-to-head competition was also a big selling point.
posted by nowhere man at 6:29 AM on March 16, 2013
I never got into Mortal Kombat (I'm more of an 80s vintage) but kids did love that game. The violence connection is right on, but the head-to-head competition was also a big selling point.
posted by nowhere man at 6:29 AM on March 16, 2013
Can I just say THANK GOD that Mortal Kombat won best game. It makes total sense.
The only thing I would have added is a shout-out to MK's fluid, intuitive controls. Whereas SF2 challenged the player to remember ↓ ➘ → PUNCH to pull off a simple fireball, MK made it much easier by just having you waggle the joystick and randomly mash buttons until something happened.
posted by Strange Interlude at 6:37 AM on March 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
The only thing I would have added is a shout-out to MK's fluid, intuitive controls. Whereas SF2 challenged the player to remember ↓ ➘ → PUNCH to pull off a simple fireball, MK made it much easier by just having you waggle the joystick and randomly mash buttons until something happened.
posted by Strange Interlude at 6:37 AM on March 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
> Things were delightfully weird back then.
And yet, it would have seemed perfectly normal back then. "The past is a foreign country: they do things differently there." Advertising is the best example of this; it's designed to work at that moment and that moment only, so it ages worse (or at the very least differently) than anything else.
posted by The Card Cheat at 6:50 AM on March 16, 2013
And yet, it would have seemed perfectly normal back then. "The past is a foreign country: they do things differently there." Advertising is the best example of this; it's designed to work at that moment and that moment only, so it ages worse (or at the very least differently) than anything else.
posted by The Card Cheat at 6:50 AM on March 16, 2013
the 90s appear uglier than I remember.I'm always shocked by how much 80s bleed there was well into the 90s; my memory is of everything going 100% grunge around 1991 because I embraced it with such joy... but videos like this always prove me wrong.
What the hell is René Auberjonois doing here? And what the hell is Johnathan Taylor Thomas wearing around his neck? And my god, the announcer reading the nominees sounds like either Bill Kurtis or William Shatner.
posted by usonian at 6:54 AM on March 16, 2013 [3 favorites]
the 90s appear uglier than I remember. this is what happens when drugs wear off.
It looks like this whole show happened in the alternate early-'90s timeline where everything was still effectively the '80s. This is the timeline where things like Saved By The Bell, Ace Of Base, and neon-colored fashions were wildly popular. On the other hand, if you were into Deep Space 9, Pearl Jam, and flannel shirts, then you grew up with me in the '90s Prime timeline.
posted by Strange Interlude at 6:54 AM on March 16, 2013 [19 favorites]
It looks like this whole show happened in the alternate early-'90s timeline where everything was still effectively the '80s. This is the timeline where things like Saved By The Bell, Ace Of Base, and neon-colored fashions were wildly popular. On the other hand, if you were into Deep Space 9, Pearl Jam, and flannel shirts, then you grew up with me in the '90s Prime timeline.
posted by Strange Interlude at 6:54 AM on March 16, 2013 [19 favorites]
Hillary Clinton is great!
posted by pashdown at 7:03 AM on March 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by pashdown at 7:03 AM on March 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
I mentally dick-punched backward baseball cap dude, repeatedly and without remorse, until his pain-riddled body floated off into space. Sort of like a video game in my brain.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 7:05 AM on March 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 7:05 AM on March 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
This is obviously the long-lost moment where William Gibson declared "the next person to use the word 'cyberspace', I'm a-gonna punch 'em in the scrot".
posted by JoeZydeco at 7:06 AM on March 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by JoeZydeco at 7:06 AM on March 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
I'm glad I watched this.
It reminded me that the current frustration I sometimes feel at the state of modern videogames pales in comparison to the white-hot rage teenage o_m felt about the proliferation of "interactive experiences" that were being foisted on us all in the mid-90s. FMV was such a blight on gaming, perpetrated by clueless low-level Hollywood exec types who thought they could jazz up their Z-grade sci-fi productions with occasional mouse-click inputs and somehow we would think they were videogames. And at this point in time the medium was FILTHY with these """games""" (not enough scare quotes in the world for that), taking up half my PC Gamer demo CD with their awful acting and their "press a button every 5 minutes" """"gameplay"""" and taking up shelf-space with their gaudy giant boxes and UGH FUCK THEM ALL.
The fact that this sham of an awards ceremony awarded so many of those awful FMV (or FMV-esque ) abominations with nominations – not to mention actual awards – reeks of the kind of quasi-patriotic (most of them were American-made), Hollywood pandering bullshit that I'd expect from a pseudo-event aired on a Ted Turner basic cable station in 1994. Of COURSE an awards ceremony from these people is going to give the medal to the kind of shit that most closely approximates the TV/movie dreck they're used to. Still, the fact that the ceremony whizzed right by many of the best games of the last 20 years to give fucking THE WACKY WORLD OF MINIATURE GOLF... ugh ok there's that white-hot rage again, I need to go play ICO.
Anyway, as a remedy for this, I will now correct the mistakes of this atrocity using the categories from the actual awards show, keeping in mind this aired in November 1994. See the link from teraflop above if you want to quickly see the actual nominees/winners.
BEST ACTION/ADVENTURE GAME: Nominees are Super Metroid, Sonic 3, DOOM, Jazz Jackrabbit. DOOM wins (I think Super Metroid should have won, but even my fantasy version of this event isn't perfect).
BEST CD-ROM GAME: Nominees are Myst. Winner is Myst. All other "CD-rom games" that could possibly fit into this category are burnt in a ceremonial pyre beside the podium.
BEST PORTABLE GAME: 3/5 of their picks are actually OK in this category: Wario Land, Link's Awakening, Donkey Kong, so we'll roll with those. Link's Awakening wins.
BEST COMEDY: NO FUCK YOU. OK fine Earthworm Jim.
BEST ART AND GRAPHICS: Myst, Super Metroid, Sonic 3, Sim City 2000. Winner is Myst (you had to live in 1994 to understand this now).
GOVERNOR'S AWARD FOR BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN VIRTUAL REALITY: Nominees are hahahaha, yeah right, whaaaaat, and good luck with that. Winner is good luck with that.
BEST MUSIC: Nominees are Final Fantasy III (VI), Secret of Mana, Earthworm Jim, Sonic 3. Winner goes to Sonic 3 (oh come on FFIII was ROBBED).
BEST SIMULATION/STRATEGY: Nominees are Sim City 2000, Dune II, TIE Fighter. Winner is Sim City 2000.
BEST SPORTS: Again, 3 of their nominees are fine: NBA Jam, NHL '94, Ken Griffey Jr. Baseball. Winner is NBA Jam.
BEST FEMALE ACTOR: Oops I'm sorry I don't know how this category got here into this VIDEO GAMES award show.
BEST MALE ACTOR: Oh wow again sorry about that folks let's just keep moving on to categories ACTUALLY RELEVANT TO VIDEOGAMES
BEST GAME: Nominees are Super Metroid, DOOM, Final Fantasy VI, Sonic 3, Link's Awakening. Winner is DOOM, goodnight everybody
posted by ordinary_magnet at 7:14 AM on March 16, 2013 [15 favorites]
It reminded me that the current frustration I sometimes feel at the state of modern videogames pales in comparison to the white-hot rage teenage o_m felt about the proliferation of "interactive experiences" that were being foisted on us all in the mid-90s. FMV was such a blight on gaming, perpetrated by clueless low-level Hollywood exec types who thought they could jazz up their Z-grade sci-fi productions with occasional mouse-click inputs and somehow we would think they were videogames. And at this point in time the medium was FILTHY with these """games""" (not enough scare quotes in the world for that), taking up half my PC Gamer demo CD with their awful acting and their "press a button every 5 minutes" """"gameplay"""" and taking up shelf-space with their gaudy giant boxes and UGH FUCK THEM ALL.
The fact that this sham of an awards ceremony awarded so many of those awful FMV (or FMV-esque ) abominations with nominations – not to mention actual awards – reeks of the kind of quasi-patriotic (most of them were American-made), Hollywood pandering bullshit that I'd expect from a pseudo-event aired on a Ted Turner basic cable station in 1994. Of COURSE an awards ceremony from these people is going to give the medal to the kind of shit that most closely approximates the TV/movie dreck they're used to. Still, the fact that the ceremony whizzed right by many of the best games of the last 20 years to give fucking THE WACKY WORLD OF MINIATURE GOLF... ugh ok there's that white-hot rage again, I need to go play ICO.
Anyway, as a remedy for this, I will now correct the mistakes of this atrocity using the categories from the actual awards show, keeping in mind this aired in November 1994. See the link from teraflop above if you want to quickly see the actual nominees/winners.
BEST ACTION/ADVENTURE GAME: Nominees are Super Metroid, Sonic 3, DOOM, Jazz Jackrabbit. DOOM wins (I think Super Metroid should have won, but even my fantasy version of this event isn't perfect).
BEST CD-ROM GAME: Nominees are Myst. Winner is Myst. All other "CD-rom games" that could possibly fit into this category are burnt in a ceremonial pyre beside the podium.
BEST PORTABLE GAME: 3/5 of their picks are actually OK in this category: Wario Land, Link's Awakening, Donkey Kong, so we'll roll with those. Link's Awakening wins.
BEST COMEDY: NO FUCK YOU. OK fine Earthworm Jim.
BEST ART AND GRAPHICS: Myst, Super Metroid, Sonic 3, Sim City 2000. Winner is Myst (you had to live in 1994 to understand this now).
GOVERNOR'S AWARD FOR BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN VIRTUAL REALITY: Nominees are hahahaha, yeah right, whaaaaat, and good luck with that. Winner is good luck with that.
BEST MUSIC: Nominees are Final Fantasy III (VI), Secret of Mana, Earthworm Jim, Sonic 3. Winner goes to Sonic 3 (oh come on FFIII was ROBBED).
BEST SIMULATION/STRATEGY: Nominees are Sim City 2000, Dune II, TIE Fighter. Winner is Sim City 2000.
BEST SPORTS: Again, 3 of their nominees are fine: NBA Jam, NHL '94, Ken Griffey Jr. Baseball. Winner is NBA Jam.
BEST FEMALE ACTOR: Oops I'm sorry I don't know how this category got here into this VIDEO GAMES award show.
BEST MALE ACTOR: Oh wow again sorry about that folks let's just keep moving on to categories ACTUALLY RELEVANT TO VIDEOGAMES
BEST GAME: Nominees are Super Metroid, DOOM, Final Fantasy VI, Sonic 3, Link's Awakening. Winner is DOOM, goodnight everybody
posted by ordinary_magnet at 7:14 AM on March 16, 2013 [15 favorites]
This leaves me to wonder, is Cybermania best treated with drugs, prescription medications, alternative treatments, surgery, or lifestyle changes?
posted by mazola at 7:20 AM on March 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by mazola at 7:20 AM on March 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
Grunge. In '91. As a kid weaned on 1970s hard rock and completely alienated by the synth-laden 80s, it was like finding my way out of the desert after 40 years.
And it still blows my mind that Faith No More's 'The Real Thing' and Nine Inch Nails' 'Pretty Hate Machine' came out in 1989!
posted by usonian at 7:23 AM on March 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
And it still blows my mind that Faith No More's 'The Real Thing' and Nine Inch Nails' 'Pretty Hate Machine' came out in 1989!
posted by usonian at 7:23 AM on March 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
Grunge? In '91?
The '94 chart isn't much better. If anything, it shows hiphop getting bigger and better, but whatever "alternative rock" is present is pretty much just the same old adult contemporary in disguise.
Also, Tevin Campbell is apparently a real person who actually sold records, and not just a fictional teen idol from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. He's on both charts!
Grunge. In '91.
Yeah, it was there, for sure. But it wasn't the paradigm-shattering phenomenon it's usually made out to be. There were always more Color Me Badds than Soundgardens, before and after.
posted by Sys Rq at 7:31 AM on March 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
The '94 chart isn't much better. If anything, it shows hiphop getting bigger and better, but whatever "alternative rock" is present is pretty much just the same old adult contemporary in disguise.
Also, Tevin Campbell is apparently a real person who actually sold records, and not just a fictional teen idol from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. He's on both charts!
Grunge. In '91.
Yeah, it was there, for sure. But it wasn't the paradigm-shattering phenomenon it's usually made out to be. There were always more Color Me Badds than Soundgardens, before and after.
posted by Sys Rq at 7:31 AM on March 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
OH GEEZ -- I worked on the first (only?) "Cybermania" as a segment producer. None of my footage was used (nor should it have been), but I believe something similar to my name (but spelled differently) was in the credits.
There's a vault somewhere with footage of me wearing a cheap suit, standing in front of a CM-5. (I forget whether the blinking lights were set to "diagnostic" or "pretty" mode.) I will pay several Imaginary Internet Dollars to ensure that footage never sees the light of day.
posted by Kibo at 7:35 AM on March 16, 2013 [30 favorites]
There's a vault somewhere with footage of me wearing a cheap suit, standing in front of a CM-5. (I forget whether the blinking lights were set to "diagnostic" or "pretty" mode.) I will pay several Imaginary Internet Dollars to ensure that footage never sees the light of day.
posted by Kibo at 7:35 AM on March 16, 2013 [30 favorites]
Yep, I just checked the final moments of the video, and my name was misspelled in a special manner (as opposed to the more common misspelling that half my mail-order catalogs use.)
At least I am proud that right after those closing credits, they showed the "Masters of the Universe" movie, meaning that, for a brief moment, I was adjacent to Skeletor! Well, actually, someone with a name slightly different from mine was adjacent to the Frank Langella version of Skeletor, not the real Skeletor we all love. But I'm still going to count myself as having been next to Skeletor... IN TEEVEE CYBERSPACE.
posted by Kibo at 7:59 AM on March 16, 2013 [18 favorites]
At least I am proud that right after those closing credits, they showed the "Masters of the Universe" movie, meaning that, for a brief moment, I was adjacent to Skeletor! Well, actually, someone with a name slightly different from mine was adjacent to the Frank Langella version of Skeletor, not the real Skeletor we all love. But I'm still going to count myself as having been next to Skeletor... IN TEEVEE CYBERSPACE.
posted by Kibo at 7:59 AM on March 16, 2013 [18 favorites]
posted by Kibo at 10:35 AM on March 16 [+] [!]
[adjusts eyeglasses]
posted by RonButNotStupid at 8:00 AM on March 16, 2013 [15 favorites]
[adjusts eyeglasses]
posted by RonButNotStupid at 8:00 AM on March 16, 2013 [15 favorites]
Whoa!
posted by Sys Rq at 8:08 AM on March 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Sys Rq at 8:08 AM on March 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
Oh crap it is:
posted by RonButNotStupid at 8:09 AM on March 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
James "Kibo" PareyThe prophecy has come true!
posted by RonButNotStupid at 8:09 AM on March 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
The prophecy has come true!
And I had to pay five dollars to register just to tell all you folks how embarrassed I am.
By the way, if there is a parody commercial for "Pong" in the special, I had nothing to do with it. I swear I did not write it. I think what happened there is that after my footage turned out to be unusable they tried to be nice to me by mentioning me in the context of a "Pong" joke. (I don't remember whether or not it got cut. And I sure as hell ain't watching all the way through to find out. Hey, TBS, get that "special" off my screen and hurry up and show "Masters of the Universe".)
posted by Kibo at 8:18 AM on March 16, 2013 [6 favorites]
And I had to pay five dollars to register just to tell all you folks how embarrassed I am.
By the way, if there is a parody commercial for "Pong" in the special, I had nothing to do with it. I swear I did not write it. I think what happened there is that after my footage turned out to be unusable they tried to be nice to me by mentioning me in the context of a "Pong" joke. (I don't remember whether or not it got cut. And I sure as hell ain't watching all the way through to find out. Hey, TBS, get that "special" off my screen and hurry up and show "Masters of the Universe".)
posted by Kibo at 8:18 AM on March 16, 2013 [6 favorites]
For sure there was plenty of grunge in '91...I just meant to say that it didn't really capture the zeitgeist until a couple of years after that (although Singles did come out in '92...). My first year of university was 1992; the hot song on campus during frosh week was freakin' Life Is A Highway and the bars were filled with C+C Music Factory and Culture Beat.
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:23 AM on March 16, 2013
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:23 AM on March 16, 2013
And I had to pay five dollars to register just to tell all you folks how embarrassed I am.
Welcome to Metafilter.
(you also just fulfilled my daily dose of internet awesome)
posted by RonButNotStupid at 8:27 AM on March 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
Welcome to Metafilter.
(you also just fulfilled my daily dose of internet awesome)
posted by RonButNotStupid at 8:27 AM on March 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
usonian: "I'm always shocked by how much 80s bleed there was well into the 90s; my memory is of everything going 100% grunge around 1991 because I embraced it with such joy... but videos like this always prove me wrong. "
As Kate Beaton recently observed on twitter, 2013 is the 33rd Year of the 80s and we are having a Good Time
posted by dismas at 8:30 AM on March 16, 2013 [3 favorites]
As Kate Beaton recently observed on twitter, 2013 is the 33rd Year of the 80s and we are having a Good Time
posted by dismas at 8:30 AM on March 16, 2013 [3 favorites]
2013 is the 33rd Year of the 80s and we are having a Good Time
I love the Power Glove. It's so bad!
posted by Kibo at 8:31 AM on March 16, 2013 [4 favorites]
I love the Power Glove. It's so bad!
posted by Kibo at 8:31 AM on March 16, 2013 [4 favorites]
Please some one see this comment and check out the hair at 1:31:05!
posted by Our Ship Of The Imagination! at 9:16 AM on March 16, 2013
posted by Our Ship Of The Imagination! at 9:16 AM on March 16, 2013
It's classics like this that remind my why TBS was such a superstation back in the 90s. Start on the hour? No way man! I start when I start! You can't tell me what to do. I'll play that Saved By The Bell episode when I feel like it.
posted by fishmasta at 9:26 AM on March 16, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by fishmasta at 9:26 AM on March 16, 2013 [3 favorites]
Grunge. In '91.
Between Nirvana, Mudhoney, Temple of the Dog, Pixies and Sugar alone "grunge" (which has become the accepted term, and was back then) was well established.
And it still blows my mind that Faith No More's 'The Real Thing' and Nine Inch Nails' 'Pretty Hate Machine' came out in 1989!
The same year as Young MC's Bust A Move, MC Hammer's 2 Legit To Quit and...
Look. It was a confusing time for us all. But the charts weren't all there was.
But it wasn't the paradigm-shattering phenomenon it's usually made out to be.
Yes, and no. It really was a paradigm-shattering phenomenon in some ways.
posted by Mezentian at 9:29 AM on March 16, 2013
Between Nirvana, Mudhoney, Temple of the Dog, Pixies and Sugar alone "grunge" (which has become the accepted term, and was back then) was well established.
And it still blows my mind that Faith No More's 'The Real Thing' and Nine Inch Nails' 'Pretty Hate Machine' came out in 1989!
The same year as Young MC's Bust A Move, MC Hammer's 2 Legit To Quit and...
Look. It was a confusing time for us all. But the charts weren't all there was.
But it wasn't the paradigm-shattering phenomenon it's usually made out to be.
Yes, and no. It really was a paradigm-shattering phenomenon in some ways.
posted by Mezentian at 9:29 AM on March 16, 2013
Start on the hour? No way man!
You could still set your clock by TBS. If "The Beastmaster" was starting, it was either 4:05, 9:05, or 12:05. If "Beastmaster 2" was starting, it was either 2:05, 6:05, or 10:05. If anything else was on, it was lucky time and you had to do a shot of Jagermeister.
I was always fascinated by how Turner's various channels (TBS, TNT, CNN, etc.) had that little "BOOP-boop-boop-BOOP" signal at the start of every program, probably to demarcate the end of the slot where the local cable company could insert their own commercials. I would like to learn more about the secret Turner four-beeps signal. However, I would not like to learn it from either Jonathan Taylor-Thomas or Leslie Nielsen.
I bet they couldn't even get to the first boss in "Pong".
posted by Kibo at 9:34 AM on March 16, 2013 [11 favorites]
You could still set your clock by TBS. If "The Beastmaster" was starting, it was either 4:05, 9:05, or 12:05. If "Beastmaster 2" was starting, it was either 2:05, 6:05, or 10:05. If anything else was on, it was lucky time and you had to do a shot of Jagermeister.
I was always fascinated by how Turner's various channels (TBS, TNT, CNN, etc.) had that little "BOOP-boop-boop-BOOP" signal at the start of every program, probably to demarcate the end of the slot where the local cable company could insert their own commercials. I would like to learn more about the secret Turner four-beeps signal. However, I would not like to learn it from either Jonathan Taylor-Thomas or Leslie Nielsen.
I bet they couldn't even get to the first boss in "Pong".
posted by Kibo at 9:34 AM on March 16, 2013 [11 favorites]
Look. It was a confusing time for us all. But the charts weren't all there was.
Exactly. The reason I tend to think of all the bad music going away in the early 90's because suddenly there was new music that I actually liked getting MTV and radio airtime.
posted by usonian at 9:36 AM on March 16, 2013
Exactly. The reason I tend to think of all the bad music going away in the early 90's because suddenly there was new music that I actually liked getting MTV and radio airtime.
posted by usonian at 9:36 AM on March 16, 2013
Shouldn't there be someone in here telling us how we're all evil for stealing by watching this without paying for it?
Well, except me; I haven't watched it yet.
posted by ODiV at 9:39 AM on March 16, 2013
Well, except me; I haven't watched it yet.
posted by ODiV at 9:39 AM on March 16, 2013
I haven't watched it.
But I have been remembering the era when news shows played clips of Mortal Kombat -- the BLOOD! THE GUTS! SO REALISTIC! HARMING OUR KIDS -- and thinking how simple the world was then.
And I have Urban Cookie Collective in my head. I am also looking for a hammer and some nails to make the pain stop.
posted by Mezentian at 9:44 AM on March 16, 2013
But I have been remembering the era when news shows played clips of Mortal Kombat -- the BLOOD! THE GUTS! SO REALISTIC! HARMING OUR KIDS -- and thinking how simple the world was then.
And I have Urban Cookie Collective in my head. I am also looking for a hammer and some nails to make the pain stop.
posted by Mezentian at 9:44 AM on March 16, 2013
Shouldn't there be someone in here telling us how we're all evil for stealing by watching this without paying for it?
Nobody watched it in 1994, so you're still entitled to your one free viewing. Note, however, that the LD50 for "Cybermania" is somewhere between one-half and three-quarters of the special. Viewer discretion advised unless you want your head to explode like you just watched a thousand ZikZak blipverts.
posted by Kibo at 9:47 AM on March 16, 2013 [8 favorites]
Nobody watched it in 1994, so you're still entitled to your one free viewing. Note, however, that the LD50 for "Cybermania" is somewhere between one-half and three-quarters of the special. Viewer discretion advised unless you want your head to explode like you just watched a thousand ZikZak blipverts.
posted by Kibo at 9:47 AM on March 16, 2013 [8 favorites]
I love the Power Glove. It's so bad!
I know that Power Glove. Hell, I've used that Power Glove. Its owner is an old friend of mine, Count Zero of L0pht Heavy Industries & Cult of the Dead Cow (also featured are cDc's Minister of Propaganda, the Deth Vegetable; 2600 Magazine's Emmanuel Goldstein & Dr Who of the Legion of Doom with cameos by the L0pht's Kingpin & Space Rogue in the dumpster). That bit was shot in the original L0pht space in the Back Bay, Boston. I'm not sure which hacker documentary this footage is pulled from; maybe Jason Scott would know.
Oh & hi, Kibo. Sorry for reading all your email all those years ago. It was mostly boring, as you know.
posted by scalefree at 9:51 AM on March 16, 2013 [5 favorites]
I know that Power Glove. Hell, I've used that Power Glove. Its owner is an old friend of mine, Count Zero of L0pht Heavy Industries & Cult of the Dead Cow (also featured are cDc's Minister of Propaganda, the Deth Vegetable; 2600 Magazine's Emmanuel Goldstein & Dr Who of the Legion of Doom with cameos by the L0pht's Kingpin & Space Rogue in the dumpster). That bit was shot in the original L0pht space in the Back Bay, Boston. I'm not sure which hacker documentary this footage is pulled from; maybe Jason Scott would know.
Oh & hi, Kibo. Sorry for reading all your email all those years ago. It was mostly boring, as you know.
posted by scalefree at 9:51 AM on March 16, 2013 [5 favorites]
Shouldn't there be someone in here telling us how we're all evil for stealing by watching this without paying for it?
Who's getting what for free now? How about all the free advertising stolen by these horrible AD PIRATES:
-IBM Helpware
-HBO presents Whitney Live: The Concert for a New South Africa
-Soft & Dri clear gel antiperspirant
-Little Caesars Pizza
-The 1995 Toyota Celica
-FujiColor Super G film
-Casio G-Shock Illuminator wristwatch
-Speed on VHS
-Pitfall: The Mayan Adventure from Activision
-Steel Tec construction toys
-Ready Set Go from Buddy L
-TBS NBA Thursday
-Double Dragon the movie
-Cartoon Network Super Chunk
-The Panasonic Real 3DO system
-Gerber Graduates toddler food
-NBC's Earth 2
-McDonald's
-TNT's In Search of Dr. Seuss
-Scoop Away kitty litter
-Troy Aikman NFL Football from Tradewest at K-Mart
-The Lion King from Virgin games
-Super Return of the Jedi
-Indiana Jones Greatest Adventures
-NBA Live 95 from EA Sports
-Northwest Airlines
-NHL 95 from EA Sports
-Microsoft Corporation
Looking at the ads (not to mention the show itself) it's pretty clear they were specifically targeting (male) kids 12 and under and their (white, middle class) parents, which seems oddly quaint. Today they'd be going for that meatier 13-30 bracket in between.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:32 AM on March 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
Who's getting what for free now? How about all the free advertising stolen by these horrible AD PIRATES:
-IBM Helpware
-HBO presents Whitney Live: The Concert for a New South Africa
-Soft & Dri clear gel antiperspirant
-Little Caesars Pizza
-The 1995 Toyota Celica
-FujiColor Super G film
-Casio G-Shock Illuminator wristwatch
-Speed on VHS
-Pitfall: The Mayan Adventure from Activision
-Steel Tec construction toys
-Ready Set Go from Buddy L
-TBS NBA Thursday
-Double Dragon the movie
-Cartoon Network Super Chunk
-The Panasonic Real 3DO system
-Gerber Graduates toddler food
-NBC's Earth 2
-McDonald's
-TNT's In Search of Dr. Seuss
-Scoop Away kitty litter
-Troy Aikman NFL Football from Tradewest at K-Mart
-The Lion King from Virgin games
-Super Return of the Jedi
-Indiana Jones Greatest Adventures
-NBA Live 95 from EA Sports
-Northwest Airlines
-NHL 95 from EA Sports
-Microsoft Corporation
Looking at the ads (not to mention the show itself) it's pretty clear they were specifically targeting (male) kids 12 and under and their (white, middle class) parents, which seems oddly quaint. Today they'd be going for that meatier 13-30 bracket in between.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:32 AM on March 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
That bit was shot in the original L0pht space in the Back Bay, Boston.
Ah, but it wasn't as pretty as the parts shot in the FSF's phone closet -- Richard Stallman is even more imposing with colored lights shining on him. (I recall the camera guy set up a little red spotlight to give the phone closet a hellish glow.) Of the various footage I submitted, that was the one piece I was sorry didn't get seen, because Richard Stallman is always fun to listen to. I forget how many other local movers-and-shakers-and-or-nerds I interviewed, but he was by far the best interview I had.
(At this point, I don't recall anything specific about what any of my interviewees said, I just remember that he was the best.)
As for why I thought Richard Stallman should be interviewed for two-hour Nintendo commercial, well, I was somehow unaware of the "two-hour Nintendo commercial" aspect of the project -- I honestly had no idea the format was going to be a live awards show hosted by a child star. I don't know whether the show's concept mutated during production, or whether there was a communication failure between the people in charge and me, or whether I had been zapped by Stupid Rays from Planet Stupid. Since none of what I filmed was about "gosh wow all video games are fun, so buy ALL OF THEM", I understand why my segments weren't used.
(I was just hired to send in some segment footage -- I didn't have much contact with the people in charge, so I don't know any stories about how the parts you did see got made.)
posted by Kibo at 10:37 AM on March 16, 2013 [8 favorites]
Ah, but it wasn't as pretty as the parts shot in the FSF's phone closet -- Richard Stallman is even more imposing with colored lights shining on him. (I recall the camera guy set up a little red spotlight to give the phone closet a hellish glow.) Of the various footage I submitted, that was the one piece I was sorry didn't get seen, because Richard Stallman is always fun to listen to. I forget how many other local movers-and-shakers-and-or-nerds I interviewed, but he was by far the best interview I had.
(At this point, I don't recall anything specific about what any of my interviewees said, I just remember that he was the best.)
As for why I thought Richard Stallman should be interviewed for two-hour Nintendo commercial, well, I was somehow unaware of the "two-hour Nintendo commercial" aspect of the project -- I honestly had no idea the format was going to be a live awards show hosted by a child star. I don't know whether the show's concept mutated during production, or whether there was a communication failure between the people in charge and me, or whether I had been zapped by Stupid Rays from Planet Stupid. Since none of what I filmed was about "gosh wow all video games are fun, so buy ALL OF THEM", I understand why my segments weren't used.
(I was just hired to send in some segment footage -- I didn't have much contact with the people in charge, so I don't know any stories about how the parts you did see got made.)
posted by Kibo at 10:37 AM on March 16, 2013 [8 favorites]
Looking at the ads (not to mention the show itself) it's pretty clear they were specifically targeting (male) kids 12 and under and their (white, middle class) parents,
That was the whole concept of TBS: Entertainment for 12-year-olds who were awake 24 hours a day. I mean, they showed the live-action "Masters of the Universe" movie after the special... at 10:05 PM. They showed the two "Beastmaster" movies at least twice a week. And then there were the Barbarian Brothers on the special... they should've just called the network "MEN IN LOINCLOTHS, JUST FOR KIDS."
Come to think of it, Leslie Nielsen's most famous role was in that movie where Peter Graves asked the little boy if he liked movies about gladiators.
The network's loincloth fetish explains why "Mortal Kombat" swept those awards. Of course "Super Metroid" didn't win because at the end Samus takes of his helmet and he turns out to be a girl and girls have cooties, eww!!!
posted by Kibo at 10:48 AM on March 16, 2013 [6 favorites]
That was the whole concept of TBS: Entertainment for 12-year-olds who were awake 24 hours a day. I mean, they showed the live-action "Masters of the Universe" movie after the special... at 10:05 PM. They showed the two "Beastmaster" movies at least twice a week. And then there were the Barbarian Brothers on the special... they should've just called the network "MEN IN LOINCLOTHS, JUST FOR KIDS."
Come to think of it, Leslie Nielsen's most famous role was in that movie where Peter Graves asked the little boy if he liked movies about gladiators.
The network's loincloth fetish explains why "Mortal Kombat" swept those awards. Of course "Super Metroid" didn't win because at the end Samus takes of his helmet and he turns out to be a girl and girls have cooties, eww!!!
posted by Kibo at 10:48 AM on March 16, 2013 [6 favorites]
Holy shit, it's Kibo! Be cool man. Be cool. Don't freak out. He'll think it's weird if you freak out. Just be smooth. He's just a guy, you're just a guy, it's just people being people, that shit is allowed, don't do anything stupid and it'll all be—
A.R.K CHANGED MY LIFE AND I TURNED "TWENTY BUCKS SAME AS IN TOWN" INTO AN ONGOING METAFILTER MEME BECAUSE OF YOU PLEASE SIGN MY CATS
Fuck.
posted by cortex at 11:04 AM on March 16, 2013 [52 favorites]
A.R.K CHANGED MY LIFE AND I TURNED "TWENTY BUCKS SAME AS IN TOWN" INTO AN ONGOING METAFILTER MEME BECAUSE OF YOU PLEASE SIGN MY CATS
Fuck.
posted by cortex at 11:04 AM on March 16, 2013 [52 favorites]
> Grunge? In '91? The '94 chart isn't much better.
Uh, those aren't the charts it would show up on. You need to look on the college radio charts.
posted by desuetude at 11:17 AM on March 16, 2013
Uh, those aren't the charts it would show up on. You need to look on the college radio charts.
posted by desuetude at 11:17 AM on March 16, 2013
Things were delightfully weird back then.
On that vague tangent, I present Queen Latifa and her Safari Sisters, Prairie Dawn and Merry Monster in That's The Letter O (from 1994, I think)
posted by filthy light thief at 11:21 AM on March 16, 2013
On that vague tangent, I present Queen Latifa and her Safari Sisters, Prairie Dawn and Merry Monster in That's The Letter O (from 1994, I think)
posted by filthy light thief at 11:21 AM on March 16, 2013
First Google Reader shuts down, then Kibo shows up here... Everyone! To the German server!
posted by The corpse in the library at 12:12 PM on March 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by The corpse in the library at 12:12 PM on March 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
I don't have to tip German servers, right? It's hard to keep track.
posted by ODiV at 12:18 PM on March 16, 2013 [5 favorites]
posted by ODiV at 12:18 PM on March 16, 2013 [5 favorites]
Uh, those aren't the charts it would show up on. You need to look on the college radio charts.
That's really the point. As much as we think of the nineties as THE DECADE OF GRUNGE and would put everyone in "That 90s Show" in ripped flannel, the truth is that it just wasn't really that huge of a thing. There was a grungy clique in every high school, but everyone else listened to Boys II Men and wore Gap sweatshirts (or Guess or Club Monaco or whatever store at the mall was the one they had to buy their sweatshirts from that year because reasons). It's worth remembering that grunge happened precisely because mainstream culture really, really sucked a whole friggin bunch.
And, really, as much as grunge was a thing in the nineties, it was there just as strong in the eighties, too; it just didn't have that handy label, and the jeans were tighter.
posted by Sys Rq at 1:04 PM on March 16, 2013
That's really the point. As much as we think of the nineties as THE DECADE OF GRUNGE and would put everyone in "That 90s Show" in ripped flannel, the truth is that it just wasn't really that huge of a thing. There was a grungy clique in every high school, but everyone else listened to Boys II Men and wore Gap sweatshirts (or Guess or Club Monaco or whatever store at the mall was the one they had to buy their sweatshirts from that year because reasons). It's worth remembering that grunge happened precisely because mainstream culture really, really sucked a whole friggin bunch.
And, really, as much as grunge was a thing in the nineties, it was there just as strong in the eighties, too; it just didn't have that handy label, and the jeans were tighter.
posted by Sys Rq at 1:04 PM on March 16, 2013
I thought that back then the Top 40 charts were found to be hilariously out of whack with what people were actually listening to. Or is that just an urban legend.
posted by ODiV at 1:12 PM on March 16, 2013
posted by ODiV at 1:12 PM on March 16, 2013
Are you thinking of the pre- and post-SoundScan era Billboard charts?
posted by box at 1:57 PM on March 16, 2013
posted by box at 1:57 PM on March 16, 2013
Holy shit, Kibo.
posted by kenko at 4:01 PM on March 16, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by kenko at 4:01 PM on March 16, 2013 [4 favorites]
MetaFilter: I had to pay five dollars to register just to tell all you folks how embarrassed I am.
Someone's getting rich off our collective shame.
posted by mazola at 4:35 PM on March 16, 2013 [3 favorites]
Someone's getting rich off our collective shame.
posted by mazola at 4:35 PM on March 16, 2013 [3 favorites]
"Metafilter: Someone's getting rich off our collective shame" is the best tagline for the site, ever (for now).
posted by filthy light thief at 4:50 PM on March 16, 2013 [7 favorites]
posted by filthy light thief at 4:50 PM on March 16, 2013 [7 favorites]
"Metafilter: Someone's getting rich off our collective shame"
Someone?
I think we all know who's getting rich off our hard-earned.
Follow the user numbers all the way down, man.
As far as you can go.
The truth is as out there now as it was in the mid-1990s.
posted by Mezentian at 7:05 PM on March 16, 2013
Someone?
I think we all know who's getting rich off our hard-earned.
Follow the user numbers all the way down, man.
As far as you can go.
The truth is as out there now as it was in the mid-1990s.
posted by Mezentian at 7:05 PM on March 16, 2013
KIBO
posted by radiosilents at 9:01 PM on March 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by radiosilents at 9:01 PM on March 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
At one point, there is a woman with the most permy perm that ever did perm, giant glasses, and a purple Tshirt with some sort of square design in its middle.
Pretty much, she looks exactly like I did in 1994. Except I was 11.
posted by meese at 10:16 PM on March 16, 2013
Pretty much, she looks exactly like I did in 1994. Except I was 11.
posted by meese at 10:16 PM on March 16, 2013
Holy fuck, that is Will Arnett.
I'm fascinated by the kid at the bottom left of the screen in that segment. Someone clearly told him "You better pretend to be REALLY interested or we're going to leave you here in Paramus!"
posted by Kibo at 11:42 PM on March 16, 2013 [3 favorites]
I'm fascinated by the kid at the bottom left of the screen in that segment. Someone clearly told him "You better pretend to be REALLY interested or we're going to leave you here in Paramus!"
posted by Kibo at 11:42 PM on March 16, 2013 [3 favorites]
And then you're going to find out that Kibo and I went to college together and were, for a short time, on the same college humor magazine, and you're going to be all 'whaaaa'
posted by jscott at 3:41 AM on March 17, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by jscott at 3:41 AM on March 17, 2013 [2 favorites]
hI KIBO>>>> I JUST LOOKED AT YOUR WPRLD WIDE BEBSITE AND I LOOKED FOR FRAKENTLY ASKED QUESTONS AND THEN I LOST A BET THAT YOU COLD BEET SUPERMAN CAN I HAVE MY FIVE DOLARS BACK//?? tHANKS
posted by not_on_display at 8:45 AM on March 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by not_on_display at 8:45 AM on March 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
And then you're going to find out that Kibo and I went to college together and were, for a short time, on the same college humor magazine, and you're going to be all 'whaaaa'
incredulous googling... oh, you mean at Emerson. I was wondering how we could have been at RPI at the same time and never intersected...
posted by Zed at 3:51 PM on April 2, 2013
incredulous googling... oh, you mean at Emerson. I was wondering how we could have been at RPI at the same time and never intersected...
posted by Zed at 3:51 PM on April 2, 2013
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posted by scrod at 11:11 PM on March 15, 2013 [2 favorites]