December 5, 2001
6:59 AM   Subscribe

Holy Torgo! When did this come out on DVD??? Manos: the Hands of Fate is the best movie ever made by a fertilizer salesman, which makes it one of the worst movies ever made (and therefore perhaps the best MST3K episode). If, like me, you are tired of waiting for the 30th Anniversary Edition of this "movie," be sure to read this fascinating behind-the-scenes look at the world of Torgo, with the movie's cinematographer and stunt coordinator (ha HA!) as your guides. ("ThE MASter wouLD't ap-p-pROVE of iT!")
posted by arco (35 comments total)
Oh, almost forgot to mention this steaming pile of cinematic poo was mentioned (briefly) earlier. To be completely honest with you though, I thought Crippled Masters was worse. But "Manos" is still my favorite MST3K.
posted by arco at 7:02 AM on December 5, 2001

But I think its a close second to "Catalina Caper" IMHO.

Favorite line?

After seeing Torgo reclining on a bed,
Tom Servo: "He's got Earl Campbell thighs!"
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 7:21 AM on December 5, 2001

It looks like they're finally putting MST3Ks out on video. I was in Suncoast last weekend and noticed "Manos" along with "The Brain That Wouldn't Die" and "Mitchell" (" . . . heart pumping, veins clogging"). The best part was that they were $19.99 instead of the $29.99 they want for VHS.

The box art suggests "TWO movies on one disc." Except what they mean is the MST3K version and the plain version.
posted by yerfatma at 8:03 AM on December 5, 2001

Best line:

"A little Manos, bringing us up to newstime."
posted by yerfatma at 8:04 AM on December 5, 2001

You're all wrong. Best line:

Torgo: "The M-M-Master wants you for himself, but he c-c-can't have you!"
Wife: "What kind of talk is that?"
Crow: "Why, it's oily sleazy talk!"

Immediately after "Manos" in the ranking of best episodes on VHS (or DVD) is Eegah. Absolutely hilarious stuff, starring Moonraker's Richard Kiel and everyone's favorite teen heartthrob, Arch Hall Jr..

"Well, y'know...'Manos'."
"The Hands of Fate?"
"You know...'Manos'!"
"Right, right. I hear ya."
posted by Danelope at 8:30 AM on December 5, 2001

Ah yes, Arch Hall Jr...that hair, that chin, those beady little eyes...what a babe magnet. And he sings too!
posted by MrBaliHai at 8:41 AM on December 5, 2001

"Ziggy had Garfield neutered!? Now THAT's FUNNY!"

I got all those movies on VHS. Why would anyone want them on DVD? It's not like they've added anything new to the DVD. They shouldn't be allowed to sell DVDs without audio commentary or other added features. Something. All these MST3K DVDs come with is the ability to watch the film with the bots or without them. Who would watch these films without the bots?

Satelite News has gotten more depressing recently. Now it seems to just be keeping track of obituaries of anyone who had anything remotely to do with any bad movie ever MSTed. Pod People's actually my favorite MSTed bad film, but Manos is pretty funny too. It's not possible to pick the best line. There's just too many of them. And the bits were priceless.

"So what, are we about a half hour into this film?" "I'm afraid not it's more like a minute."
"Torgo you're missing the fight put your dress on and get in there!"
"Joel, this is gonna turn into a snuff film!"
"C'mon Satan pick up! I know you're there!" "Go ahead I'm gonna put you on speakerphone."
"Y'know this scene is strong for a manos but made for a womanos."
"Torgo wobbles but he won't fall down."
"Ambiguity is scary!"

posted by ZachsMind at 8:55 AM on December 5, 2001

To borrow a line from the MST3K episode:

Did this thread just lap itself?
posted by arco at 9:14 AM on December 5, 2001

dammit! Matt cleaned it up and now my comment makes no sense! Oh well. Still a funny quote.
posted by arco at 9:17 AM on December 5, 2001

Why would anyone want them on DVD?

Um, so I can watch it on my DVD player?
posted by jpoulos at 9:21 AM on December 5, 2001

It's still funny, Arco. Oftentimes MeFi threads have a tendency of lapping themselves. And JPoulos that's just my egocentricity bleeding through again. I never bothered to buy a DVD player. I'm happy with VHS. I still have cassette tapes and the world's using CDs.
posted by ZachsMind at 9:26 AM on December 5, 2001

By the way, I just got done watching Manos again, in response to this thread. This stuff just never gets old. I really miss the bots. Can you believe it's been two years since they were cancelled? Maybe I should watch another episode? Yes I have no life. The only thing on TV right now is Dr. Dyer on public television giving his personal top ten list of things to do to improve your life. He's putting me to sleep. The bots would have had a blast with Dr. Dyer.

Dyer: "I have this thing called a burning desire -"
Tom Servo: "Maybe you overdosed on calamine lotion."
Crow: "Physician HEAL THYSELF!"

And thanks for cleaning up after my faux pas, Matt. =)
posted by ZachsMind at 9:36 AM on December 5, 2001

For another horrifyingly bad movie, check out Incubus . The first and quite thankfully last movie filmed entirely in Esperanto. As an added bonus and stars William Shatner.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 9:47 AM on December 5, 2001

"Don't patronize me sir!"
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:57 AM on December 5, 2001

I think my favorite line from MST3K is from Cave Dwellers (a movie I actually paid to see in the theater, though it was called "Ator" then). Some hapless villager is hurled to the bottom of a snake pit, to be mauled by a giant hand-puppet or something and Crow yells "Ow! I landed on my eight-sided dice!"

good times, good times.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:00 AM on December 5, 2001

They're still showing MST3K on the SciFi Channel, for those of us who can get it -- it's on at 9:00am, Eastern Time. Since I keep forgetting to tape it, it actually makes me want a Tivo for the first time ever...

Crow: "The haunting Torgo theme."
posted by metrocake at 11:36 AM on December 5, 2001

I don't have cable now. I dropped cable soon after Scifi Channel dropped MST3K. I bought episodes on tape and got friends to send me episodes that were almost impossible to find.

Yet they're still showing the reruns?

Satelite News reports that SciFi Channel may continue to play reruns of MST3K into January, but the network won't admit how much longer this will happen. The contract is up. They were kinda required to continue showing reruns up until recently, but they don't have to now. Yet still they are, so the show must still be successful on some level. That annoys me. If the show is still getting decent enough ratings for them to keep showing the thing two years after they cancelled any new shows, they obviously made the wrong choice and should have kept it going.

The Best Brains Inc minds behind MST3K have spread across the world. I don't think any money would ever be able to bring them back together now. It's frustrating. It was a great, fun show. A great idea that was executed well under a small budget and yet the marketing was atrocious.

It's like someone wanted to kill it, but now they won't let it die.
posted by ZachsMind at 11:46 AM on December 5, 2001

Zach: sort of like that brain? (sorry, that's the best joke I could come up with)

I actually missed one of the best sites about Manos: the MST3K references guide to episode 424. It reminded me that "Hired!" was the short that was paired with Manos. My favorite MST3K line is from that short:

Crazy Old Man (talking about a former boss): "I remember one of the first things Harry drilled into me --"
Crow:"--was Harry."
posted by arco at 12:00 PM on December 5, 2001

What about "Kitten with a Whip"? John Forsythe and Ann Margaret?

I once had a Torgo screen-saver, which consisted of a cartoon Torgo dragging a leg across the bottom of the screen, saying, "Master wouldn't approve," and grunting. I can't wait to get this for Christmas!
posted by me3dia at 12:15 PM on December 5, 2001

(me3dia: the screensaver is the last link in the FPP)
posted by arco at 12:19 PM on December 5, 2001

I don't have any of the MST3K movies, but I do have both volumes of "Shorts," which feature the crew doing their thing while watching old educational films. They're totally rad.
posted by pudders at 1:33 PM on December 5, 2001

Who would watch these films without the bots?

I would, for one. But I'm a glutton for punishment that way.

And I absolutely adored Hired! as well. For a span of months, reciting random lines from it was one of the few surefire ways to crack a smile during the more soul-sucking times at work. "Aauugghh! Zoltar gets the most sales 'cuz he's a shapeshifter!" Good times, good times....
posted by youhas at 1:49 PM on December 5, 2001

They're still showing MST3K on the SciFi Channel

I just checked, MST3K is not on the SciFi east sked.

They do put on a solid hour of that burglar John Edwards, though. Priorities, people! Grrrrr...
posted by UncleFes at 2:53 PM on December 5, 2001

If you miss Joel/Mike and the bots, the MST3K Digital Archive Project is preserving these shows for all posterity. As long are you're broadband enabled, you can usually get them off of IRC or in alt.binaries.multimedia.comedy on Usenet.
posted by rowell at 2:55 PM on December 5, 2001

SciFi owns MST3K, but hasn't shown it for about a year (it used to be on really early Saturday morning, if I remember correctly).
posted by eyeballkid at 3:33 PM on December 5, 2001

uhh, am i a loser for actually owning the non-mstied version of manos? (yes i have the mst3k version as well).

posted by cheesebot at 4:01 PM on December 5, 2001

Re: DVD version

I, personally, have not seen the film yet - and I've been wanting to see it in its original form before I saw it MST3Kized.
posted by at 4:03 PM on December 5, 2001

actually, i heard that the DVD doesn't have the non-mstied version of "Manos" but has the "Poopie" bloopers collection. I thin the only way to get the original "Manos" is from something weird video
posted by cheesebot at 5:17 PM on December 5, 2001

Wow! I didn't even know that you could get a copy of the original "Manos" - I'd long since given up in utter frustration eons ago. You may have singlehandedly put a serious dent in my holiday shopping. Thank you cheesebot!
posted by youhas at 5:56 PM on December 5, 2001

"Time for booze..."
posted by jpoulos at 8:43 PM on December 5, 2001

"Silence!" "Is golden!"
"Silence!" "Is golden!"
posted by ODiV at 9:25 PM on December 5, 2001

I don't know, the best is still:
The Stuff
posted by jkaczor at 9:39 PM on December 5, 2001

:: utterly puzzled ::

Um.....I'm on the East Coast -- New York, in fact -- and MST3K was on SciFi last Saturday morning... If you scroll down to the bottom of my SciFi link above, you'll see that it's still on the schedule -- Saturdays at 9:00 am, and they list up to Dec. 22.

Don't try to kill me with a forklift, now...
posted by metrocake at 9:46 PM on December 5, 2001

Uh, I just wanted to say how really sorry I am about this "Manos, the Hands of Fate" MetaFilter thread. I mean, I know it's our job to filter the Net with links and then comment on those links ad infinitum, but this time, even I have to admit, we really went too far. I'm really sorry. Now, now, now, now, that, those comments you were reading? That, that was really funny. Now, now, go on, continue on with that. Go on! Go on!

N-n-now, come on, Cheesebot, Arco, uh, uh, uh, I told you to keep playing. Now come on! Uh, uh, play!
posted by ZachsMind at 5:32 PM on December 7, 2001

Listen, you guys, come on, shhhh, hey stay frosty, come on, we survived "Camgirl invasion," we can survive this.

Game over, man! Game over!!!!!
posted by arco at 10:10 PM on December 7, 2001

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