The Internet's Bad 90's-Era Design Embracing Shadow Government

June 22, 2013 10:13 PM

Since at least November 4th, 2004, the Internet has secretly been under the rule of a shadowy, unelected government led by a secretive "Office of the President of the Internet." Media accounts claim that Reddit co-founder Alexis Ohanian may have been a recent candidate for the office. Other sources suggest The Tech Guy, Leo Laporte, may have been elected in July 2009.

Want to help them form their government or even run for President of the Internet Yourself? Contact them here.

posted by saulgoodman (26 comments total)

How can you be president of an anarchy?
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 10:21 PM on June 22, 2013 [1 favorite]

(I guess the same way you become Emperor of the United States: you just decide to do it.)
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 10:22 PM on June 22, 2013 [3 favorites]

There is no Cabal.
posted by codswallop at 10:23 PM on June 22, 2013 [4 favorites]

The seal of office could really use some work.
posted by saulgoodman at 10:27 PM on June 22, 2013 [3 favorites]

I thought we'd already voted the quidnunc kid as #1?
posted by infini at 10:45 PM on June 22, 2013 [6 favorites]

Watch for the mod that deletes this. The ones that are actually in the cabal won't dare do it themselves: they'll set up someone who knows nothing to pull the trigger.
posted by Dr Dracator at 10:53 PM on June 22, 2013 [2 favorites]

The seal of office could really use some work.

You're right. Here, I've fixed it.
posted by taz at 10:55 PM on June 22, 2013 [20 favorites]

I'm president of my big-boy pants, but I thought Domo-Kun was president of internets?

Actually, the Internet is run by an elected government that designed it as a weapon of war, capable of retaining command and control capabilities after a nuclear exchange, and to accellerate R&D by linking research labs in the military, DoD, higher education and private industry. They voted to expand its mission to cultural and economic spheres after its military use had been (mostly) superseded by new tech.

Naw, just kidding, it's totally run by Domo-Kun for teh lulz.
posted by Slap*Happy at 11:00 PM on June 22, 2013 [3 favorites]

There is only one thing that could possibly be the seal of office for president of the internet.
posted by Chuckles at 11:18 PM on June 22, 2013

I really hope that's cookie dough.
posted by zixyer at 11:22 PM on June 22, 2013 [1 favorite]

How can you be president of an anarchy?

We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week.
posted by Pope Guilty at 11:46 PM on June 22, 2013 [7 favorites]

It's quidnunc kid right? Please tell me all those votes were not in vain.
posted by OHenryPacey at 11:56 PM on June 22, 2013 [1 favorite]

Pope Guilty: "How can you be president of an anarchy?

We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week."

IN THE CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE!

All the administration enters!

ONLY ONE POLITICIAN LEAVES!
posted by Samizdata at 12:16 AM on June 23, 2013 [1 favorite]

There is only one thing that could possibly be the seal of office for president of the internet.

I was actually surprised that wasn't Pedobear.
posted by Space_Lady at 12:24 AM on June 23, 2013 [6 favorites]

It's quidnunc kid right? Please tell me all those votes were not in vain.

I heard that the quidnunc kid isn't qualified for this, because he was actually born on AOL.

Why won't he show us his internet birth certificate?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 12:53 AM on June 23, 2013 [6 favorites]

So it isn't Kibo?
posted by dhartung at 3:10 AM on June 23, 2013 [4 favorites]

God, Leo Laporte is such a dick. He's would perfect.

Everyone knows Whil Wheaton is the real president of the Internet though.
posted by Ad hominem at 3:20 AM on June 23, 2013 [1 favorite]

The position of elected president of Internet is largely ceremonial and powerless, the real pull comes from the titled nobility that own all the property.
posted by The Whelk at 6:10 AM on June 23, 2013 [1 favorite]

God, Leo Laporte is such a dick. He's would perfect.

Also, he's not Mark Zuckerberg.

There may be many highly qualified candidates who aren't jerks and reflect my position on many policies that impact the internet, but none of them have any chance of winning, so come election day I'm just going to vote for the biggest jerk who isn't Zuck.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 6:51 AM on June 23, 2013 [1 favorite]

Wouldn't Dvorak be an even bigger jerk, then?
posted by symbioid at 7:05 AM on June 23, 2013

Note To Self: Even Metafilter has bought into my brilliant misinformation campaign. Let the fools speculate! Soon I shall control the webs and then, dare I say it, RULE THE WORLD!!!!

Brain
cc: Pinky
posted by TDavis at 7:08 AM on June 23, 2013

I thought Domo-Kun was president of internets?

Domo-Kun is President of the internets and I will FITE anyone who says otherwise. Will Wheaton is Prime Minister.
posted by octobersurprise at 9:12 AM on June 23, 2013

This is nonsense. The Elders of the Internet would never stand for it.
posted by George_Spiggott at 10:20 AM on June 23, 2013

I thought everyone knew that Henry Van Statten owns the Internet.
posted by webmutant at 11:31 AM on June 23, 2013

As (ahem) I pointed out back in 1992 or 3, this whole thing
is mostly 6 or 7 Rutgers students mindlessly babbling to each other.

You (we) are pretty much products of febrile dorm chatter.

Get a job.
posted by Chitownfats at 11:39 AM on June 23, 2013

TDavis: "Note To Self: Even Metafilter has bought into my brilliant misinformation campaign. Let the fools speculate! Soon I shall control the webs and then, dare I say it, RULE THE WORLD!!!!

Brain
cc: Pinky"

I found those rubber pants this time of night!
posted by Samizdata at 11:42 AM on June 23, 2013