SHARKNADO
July 3, 2013 9:58 AM   Subscribe

SHARKNADO [slWTFSYFY]
posted by tonycpsu (210 comments total) 26 users marked this as a favorite
 
I have to admit, that does sound kind of original. FSVO "original".
posted by DU at 10:00 AM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


what

no

what
posted by elizardbits at 10:01 AM on July 3, 2013 [4 favorites]


The great thing is that at this point, they're just having a go. And I say that as someone who reviewed Piranhaconda.
posted by Linda_Holmes at 10:01 AM on July 3, 2013 [11 favorites]


You can just wait for them to die it takes like 5 minutes of out the water SyFy are you drunk
posted by elizardbits at 10:02 AM on July 3, 2013 [15 favorites]


The best thing about this post is the tags.
posted by 1970s Antihero at 10:04 AM on July 3, 2013 [29 favorites]


i mean there might be a shark that splats on a person thereby killing them but hey what are those fish that walk on land in Propsect Park put them in a tornado
posted by angrycat at 10:05 AM on July 3, 2013


or cylon sharks
posted by angrycat at 10:06 AM on July 3, 2013


When this movie is aired to shark audiences it's called Human Suffocation Land
posted by mcstayinskool at 10:08 AM on July 3, 2013 [21 favorites]


So is this Tara Reid's comeback movie?
posted by backseatpilot at 10:09 AM on July 3, 2013


I'm fairly confident that this is the best thing that has ever happened.
posted by phunniemee at 10:09 AM on July 3, 2013 [6 favorites]


Like a mudskipper tornado, that would be creepy. I think maybe I am as tired of sharks as the zombiehaters are of zombies.

Beenado would be the worst, or waspnado really. LEECHNADO.

hire me syfy
posted by elizardbits at 10:09 AM on July 3, 2013 [16 favorites]


The trailer makes it look like the real danger is the shark shrapnel - not the teeth so much as the velocity of the shark and shark bits. Which you can see would be a bit of a problem, like you're just out there walking around in the rain with your assault rifle and suddenly HOLY SHIT a 700 pound shark comes from out of the sky and smushes you to a bloody pulp unless of course you shoot it first. I need to watch that trailer again to get the sequence right.
posted by mygothlaundry at 10:09 AM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


The Shark of Music
The Shark and Stone
The Sharkfast Club

It really works for anything.
posted by DU at 10:10 AM on July 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


And I say that as someone who reviewed Piranhaconda.

How can anyone make a movie called Operation Cupcake and not have it be about a group of elite military special forces on a hazardous mission to deliver the most awesome cupcake ever to a five year old who has just inexplicably ascended to power in a remote, nuclear-capable dictatorship?
posted by RonButNotStupid at 10:10 AM on July 3, 2013 [8 favorites]


I really hope that SyFy is paying whatever 8th grade study hall they are getting their ideas from.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 10:10 AM on July 3, 2013 [12 favorites]


I think we should just start listing movies and work "shark" into the title somewhere and see if Syfy will option it for a movie.

(On preview, I see DU has the same idea)
posted by mogget at 10:11 AM on July 3, 2013


I say that as someone who reviewed Piranhaconda.

I was prepared to hate, but then I saw Dean Cain starring in Operation: Cupcake from Hallmark and when I woke up I was giving the Oscar to SyFy.
posted by DU at 10:11 AM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


I eagerly await Nuclear Sharknado vs. Giant Croctopus, starring Lou Diamond Phillips, Vanessa Williams and Gary Bussey as "The Guy."
posted by Slap*Happy at 10:12 AM on July 3, 2013 [6 favorites]


Nah, sharks are totes played out. elizardbits is on the right track here.

Wombatnami
Grizzlycane
Tropical Dodopression
posted by phunniemee at 10:12 AM on July 3, 2013 [11 favorites]


Is this a real movie? Fantastic.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 10:13 AM on July 3, 2013


Shark School Musical
Mean Sharks
She's All Shark
Teen Shark
Sharkless
posted by elizardbits at 10:13 AM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


I freely admit I get a special delight from writing about movies like that at NPR. I did it recently with the Lifetime instant classic Deadly Spa. But SyFy movies are also great for this. I also watched Jersey Shore Shark Attack, but I'm not sure I wrote about it. I do still have the promotional stuffed shark with a gold chain around its neck. My co-workers named it "Comfort Shark" and we hug it when we're sad.

This is ALL TRUE.
posted by Linda_Holmes at 10:14 AM on July 3, 2013 [40 favorites]


In 20 years, they'll remake the classic Sharknado, only with more sharks: Sharksharko.
posted by DU at 10:14 AM on July 3, 2013


A group of friends of mine have a tradition of pitting SyFy (nee Sci-Fi) Original Pictures against big-budget films with similar themes, to see if the extra money really makes a difference in the quality of the film. The first such pairing was Python vs. Anaconda. We call them Suck-Offs.

Sharknado! is on the list for the next Suck-Off, but we're having trouble figuring out what to pair it with. So far our best contender is Deep Blue See. Thoughts?
posted by KathrynT at 10:15 AM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


tonycpsu, you knew if you put the fact that Tara Reid is "starring" in this in your post that no one would actually go look at it, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU?!
posted by jennaratrix at 10:15 AM on July 3, 2013


Also, I object to the tagline "Nature's Deadliest Killer rules on land, sea, and air!" It's just factually inaccurate. Malaria kills FAR more people than sharks.
posted by KathrynT at 10:16 AM on July 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


From Russia With Sharks
The Shark Who Came In From The Cold
Shark by Sharkwest
Some Like It Shark

Guess Who's Coming To Dinner can remain the same tho
posted by elizardbits at 10:16 AM on July 3, 2013 [31 favorites]


And for the record, what is this I don't even.
posted by jennaratrix at 10:16 AM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


That part where the girl shark takes off their glasses and it turns out she was really pretty is my favorite part of any teen shark movie.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 10:16 AM on July 3, 2013 [17 favorites]


MOOSESOON.
posted by The Whelk at 10:18 AM on July 3, 2013 [16 favorites]


Sharky's Sharkchine
posted by Atom Eyes at 10:18 AM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


I really hope that SyFy is paying whatever 8th grade study hall they are getting their ideas from.

Or at least giving them cupcakes.
posted by jennaratrix at 10:18 AM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


Also I want a movie about a latino dessert chef gone mad called Flannibal Holocaust
posted by elizardbits at 10:18 AM on July 3, 2013 [6 favorites]


Much Ado about Sharks
The Taming of the Shark
Shark Ceaser
Romeo and Sharks
A Midsummer's Night Shark
A Merchant of Sharks
Shark's Labour's Lost
The Merry Wives of Sharks
Sharkbeth
posted by Slap*Happy at 10:19 AM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


The Sharkshank Redemption.
posted by The Whelk at 10:20 AM on July 3, 2013 [20 favorites]


A Streetcar Named Shark
Death of a Saleshark
Jurassic Shark
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 10:21 AM on July 3, 2013


The Sharkows of Young Werther
Sharks and Sharkcability
Sharckolas Sharklby
Ala Resharks du Temps Perdu
posted by Teakettle at 10:21 AM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


elizardbits, you are now required to come to my office and perform stand-up so that my co-workers will understand why I'm sitting at my desk giggling uncontrollably while purportedly doing research on the cost of living in Afghanistan, which is demonstrably not amusing.
posted by jennaratrix at 10:21 AM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


Wait Until Shark
Sharks Like It Hot
Bob and Carol and Shark and Alice
Taxi Driver Shark
Sharklahoma!
posted by ardgedee at 10:21 AM on July 3, 2013 [4 favorites]


Sharks, and the Sharking Sharkers that Shark Them
Raiders of the Lost Shark
posted by Teakettle at 10:22 AM on July 3, 2013


We call them Suck-Offs.

My five-year-old brain is having a fight to the death with my better nature right now to see which one of them gets to make the dirty joke.
posted by backseatpilot at 10:22 AM on July 3, 2013 [5 favorites]


Sharkablanca
When Sharky Met Sharky
9 1/2 Sharks
posted by jennaratrix at 10:22 AM on July 3, 2013 [4 favorites]


A Tale of Two Sharks. But while I was going back to watch the Sharknado trailer for the fourth time or so I came across this bit of deathless prose on another no doubt fantastic trailer for yet another probably amazingly wonderful SyFy original movie: If there's one thing characters have figured out in our movies it's this, Love, sometimes hurts.

Yes. Yes, it does. You know what else hurts? Sharks flying through the air. That hurts too, but not as much as love.
posted by mygothlaundry at 10:23 AM on July 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


GUYS STOP SOME OF THESE DON'T EVEN MAKE SENSE
posted by Teakettle at 10:23 AM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


Star Trek Into Sharkness
posted by Atom Eyes at 10:24 AM on July 3, 2013 [8 favorites]


GUYS STOP SOME OF THESE DON'T EVEN MAKE SENSE

And Sharknado does?
posted by jennaratrix at 10:24 AM on July 3, 2013 [7 favorites]


oh man i am writing an email RIGHT NOW to kate beaton to urge her to change her comic for shark week to SHARK A VAGRANT and just randomly slip sharks into every strip yes good this is my design
posted by elizardbits at 10:25 AM on July 3, 2013 [45 favorites]


alt.fan.dean-shark
posted by Teakettle at 10:26 AM on July 3, 2013


My five-year-old brain is having a fight to the death with my better nature right now to see which one of them gets to make the dirty joke.

See, that's the . . . yes. well done. you found the joke.
posted by KathrynT at 10:26 AM on July 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


Sunday in the Park with Shark
Sweeney Shark
tick...tick...Shark!
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 10:27 AM on July 3, 2013


Next on SyFy...

Sharkie Sharko:

Synopsis:
A Troubled Selachimorpha, Sharkie Sharko, receives a disturbing vision that the world will end in 28 days. After narrowly escaping a jet ski engine which fell to the sea floor (by following a 6 foot Pilot Fish called Frank), the marine predator slowly discovers the mysterious physical and metaphysical laws that govern a fish's life and that will lead up to the destruction of the Pacific Ocean.
posted by Debaser626 at 10:28 AM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


The Shark Wore Prada
Batman and Robin and Sharks
Jailhouse Shark
Monty Python's Flying Sharks
Yellow Submarine Surrounded by Sharks
posted by ardgedee at 10:28 AM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


Sharkernatural.
posted by The Whelk at 10:28 AM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


Well I, for one, am disappointed. I was hoping SHARKNADO was a remake of Xanadu featuring sharks. SHARKNADU.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:29 AM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


sharkieodiedopalicious
posted by Teakettle at 10:29 AM on July 3, 2013


Snailquake.
posted by infinitywaltz at 10:32 AM on July 3, 2013


You can just wait for them to die it takes like 5 minutes of out the water SyFy are you drunk

They are totally inside a waterspout, and what are waterspouts made of? They are made out of water. That sharks can breathe. Don't make me quote SCIENCE.

Guess Who's Coming To Dinner can remain the same tho

Surely "Guess Who's Dinner?" would be preferable.

Wombatnami
Grizzlycane
Tropical Dodopression


Antquake
Anteateruption
Honey Badgizzard
CORGILANCHE!
Lake Effect Pomeranians
Force 10 On The MACAW Scale
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:32 AM on July 3, 2013 [5 favorites]


Actually, just replace the "h" in shark with an "n," and most of these movie titles could be descriptions of Metafilter discussions!

*ducks*
posted by marxchivist at 10:33 AM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


Ooh! I have one!

WHALESHARK!
posted by Mister_A at 10:35 AM on July 3, 2013


phunniemee: "Nah, sharks are totes played out. elizardbits is on the right track here. "

Pugnami.

yipyipyipyipyip yip ip bip bip bip YIP YIP YIP BIP YIP YIP

"GET TO HIGH GROUND! Aaarrrgh!"

posted by boo_radley at 10:35 AM on July 3, 2013 [7 favorites]


Sure you like kittens and puppies now, but what about when they start falling from the sky in huge numbers and at great velocity?

RAINING CATS & DOGS 2014
posted by The Whelk at 10:35 AM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


Corgilanche vs Pugnado
posted by elizardbits at 10:35 AM on July 3, 2013 [18 favorites]


It's headin' straight for us! Oh it just swam under. Hey look it has spots. Well there it goes.

(dialogue from WHALESHARK!)
posted by Mister_A at 10:35 AM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


the earth cracks open to spew forth a billion million nippy little dogs

CORGICANO.
posted by The Whelk at 10:36 AM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


Corgilanche vs Pugnado

No matter who wins, we squee.
posted by Slap*Happy at 10:37 AM on July 3, 2013 [6 favorites]


That's nothing vs LABRADOR LAHAR! Frisbees will be chased! People will get wet when they shake their coats! They will eat weird stuff that isn't food and then have to go to the doctor!

Dun dun DUUUUUUUUUUUNNNN!
posted by Mister_A at 10:38 AM on July 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


Kittenshark vs. Puppyrhana 3D
posted by ardgedee at 10:38 AM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


Frankenotter
posted by zippy at 10:39 AM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


Pug Hard
Pug Hard II: Pug Harder
Pug Hard With A Vengeance
posted by elizardbits at 10:40 AM on July 3, 2013 [8 favorites]


Beaglemania
posted by jennaratrix at 10:41 AM on July 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


This is starting to remind me of the time my dog ate an entire bag of treats and my family helped me come up with nicknames for him during the massacre that was the aftermath.

Pol Poop
Bowelnito Mussolini
Mao Zedung
Adolf Shitler
Idi Amin Doodoo
Ivan the Turdable
Papa Doc Poovalier
posted by phunniemee at 10:41 AM on July 3, 2013 [13 favorites]


Needs more salsa.
posted by obscurator at 10:42 AM on July 3, 2013


Alpacalypse Now
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:42 AM on July 3, 2013 [37 favorites]


Adolf Shitler FTW, phunniemee.
posted by jennaratrix at 10:42 AM on July 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


That one was my mom's!
posted by phunniemee at 10:43 AM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


I was hoping SHARKNADO was a remake of Xanadu featuring sharks. SHARKNADU.

It couldn't really be worse or more nonsensical than the original*, I vote yes!

*which I love
posted by emjaybee at 10:51 AM on July 3, 2013


I can't decide:

Lord of the Sharks

or

Shark of the Rings
posted by nubs at 10:55 AM on July 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


The story an African king in the early 19th century and the British colonists he ate: Sharka Zulu.
posted by MrMoonPie at 10:58 AM on July 3, 2013 [4 favorites]


Shark of the Covenant.
posted by eriko at 11:01 AM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


This ISN'T parody????
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 11:01 AM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


Brilliant! The only thing I really miss about not having cable is Syfy original films. Good to see they're still churning out this beautiful dreck.

Cackle with glee at Pterodactyl, starring Coolio as a terrorist-hunting Army Captain who must join forces with a group of young miscreants in order to battle prehistoric flying reptiles on the suspiciously verdant Turkish-Armenian border. (Spoiler alert! The end of the movie features a baby Tyrannosaurus emerging fully formed from the crater of a volcano.)

Quiver in fear at Blood Monkey, where a group of anthropology students in Thailand are terrorized by gargantuan gorillas who also happen to have... vampire fangs?

Admire the reasoned, topical approach of Flu Bird Horror, where a band of plucky teens are forced to wage war against a remarkably small number of Pterodactyl-esque creatures who are also carrying, I guess, bird flu? Whatever. If they fly, you die!

There are too many to list here, but some other favorites are Mongolian Death Worm (nope, not like Tremors at all), Mansquito (does what it says on the tin), and Ice Spiders (an epic battle between aspiring Olympic skiiers, arachnid-breeding scientists, and giant motherfucking ice spiders from Utah!!!!!!).
posted by divined by radio at 11:02 AM on July 3, 2013 [5 favorites]


I want to see all of those movies right the fuck now
posted by elizardbits at 11:04 AM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


Through a Glass Sharkly
Gorky Shark
South Shark: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut
Heart of Sharkness
Raiders of the Lost Shark
Ruby Sharks
posted by drlith at 11:04 AM on July 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


Corgi-Shark vs Giant Pugtopus
Corgi-Shark vs Pugasaurus
posted by BitterOldPunk at 11:07 AM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


They are all so bad, elizardbits, and they all star Lou Diamond Phillips for some reason.
posted by Mister_A at 11:07 AM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


Anyway, my final contribution:

Velociroctopus vs Übersquirrel
posted by Mister_A at 11:15 AM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


I'm assuming this is what happens when you have already made CG models of sharks on hand from previous terrible movies.
posted by Hoopo at 11:16 AM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


I always get my SyFy Original Movies and Asylum movies mixed up a bit, but Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus has one of the best scenes of all time. ALL TIME!

BTW, some more SyFy classic titles:

Frankenfish
Sharktopus

And the latest cinematic masterpiece: Chupacabra vs The Alamo, starring Erik Estrada!
posted by kmz at 11:20 AM on July 3, 2013


Just to point out, this and many other SyFy films are made by a company called The Asylum, which in addition to making these increasingly self-aware monster movies, has made a ton of direct-to-video money by rushing out closely named movies timed with big theatrical releases, like "Transmorphers" and "Paranormal Entity." Look for "Atlantic Rim" in your video store today!
posted by jbickers at 11:25 AM on July 3, 2013 [4 favorites]


Is there still money to be made in direct-to-video? Where do they even sell them, anymore?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:29 AM on July 3, 2013


jbickers: " Look for "Atlantic Rim" in your video store today!"

If this movie doesn't have a giant robot crab that speaks in a Boston accent, I'm pretty sure they aren't trying at all.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 11:30 AM on July 3, 2013 [6 favorites]


HUGE overseas market for shitty DtV movies. Bought in bulk.
posted by The Whelk at 11:30 AM on July 3, 2013


We should make some shitty DtV movies, then.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:32 AM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


Man, it's sad how far Tara Reid has fallen since the career high point of Alone in the Dark.
posted by brundlefly at 11:32 AM on July 3, 2013


Also: Alone in the Shark
posted by brundlefly at 11:32 AM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


Didn't she play the dingo?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:33 AM on July 3, 2013


Sharknado!: The Musical
Sharknado on Ice
Sharknado II: Great White F5
posted by sourcequench at 11:33 AM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus has one of the best scenes of all time. ALL TIME!

Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (with John Barrowman!) FTW.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:34 AM on July 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


We sold them (and RENTED them) at a chain I used to work at (they are still in business). They were huge hits of the rental section, and most of the people renting knew they were knock offs, but where down for a cheap laugh. (I'd feel bad if I didn't politely make sure the customer knew they were knock offs)
posted by Twain Device at 11:34 AM on July 3, 2013


American Sharkolo
Drugstore Sharkboy
Shark on a Hot Tin Roof
From Here to Sharkternity
posted by elizardbits at 11:36 AM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


with John Barrowman!

Pardon me but I believe you meant Captain Jack Sharkness
posted by elizardbits at 11:37 AM on July 3, 2013 [17 favorites]


We should make some shitty DtV movies, then.

We remake classic MSt3k movies.

Look if Michel Bay can do it we can do it.
posted by The Whelk at 11:37 AM on July 3, 2013


If this movie doesn't have a giant robot crab that speaks in a Boston accent, I'm pretty sure they aren't trying at all.

"Tonight, we ah canceling the Apahcolypse!"
posted by zombieflanders at 11:43 AM on July 3, 2013 [7 favorites]


Also a horror movie for fish called PAWS.
posted by elizardbits at 11:45 AM on July 3, 2013 [8 favorites]


the climactic scene involves a little whitesocked grey cat batting at a bubbly diver
posted by elizardbits at 11:46 AM on July 3, 2013 [7 favorites]


And now Sharks on a Plane seems anti-climactic
posted by grateful at 11:49 AM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


JUMP!
posted by hal9k at 11:51 AM on July 3, 2013


Sharknado 4: The Sharknadoing
posted by neroli at 11:53 AM on July 3, 2013




Look if Michel Bay can do it we can do it.

I'm willing to give credit where credit is due. I could never come up with as many things to show blowing up as Michael Bay does.
posted by Hoopo at 11:56 AM on July 3, 2013


WAIT! WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT!!! I've got it! What if the sharks are... EXPLOSIVE! What if sharks are randomly EXPLODING at people! I THINK WE HAVE OUR DtV MOVIE PITCH!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:59 AM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


West Side Story II: Sharknado vs Hurricane Jets
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:00 PM on July 3, 2013


[A Video Briquendo Production]
posted by ardgedee at 12:02 PM on July 3, 2013


And when the sharks explode at people they shoot out spiders that are on fire!
posted by mrgoat at 12:02 PM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


You could have them explode when exposed to Slim Whitman, but that's been done.
posted by delfin at 12:06 PM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


Now that I can BREATHE again (no no no don't try to picture a corgilanche again), here's some relevant Junji Ito: cyborg zombie shark*!!! But hey, don't worry, it'll go away.

* honestly, that book is way weirder and less campy than that might make you imagine
posted by byanyothername at 12:10 PM on July 3, 2013


SHARKNADO HOO HAH HAH!
posted by xedrik at 12:10 PM on July 3, 2013


COCKATIELSTRÖM
posted by Stonestock Relentless at 12:14 PM on July 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


ARMADILLAGEDDON
posted by gingerbeer at 12:18 PM on July 3, 2013 [7 favorites]


I found our scream queen.

Can SyFy do a movie about that dog, instead? That's a pretty terrifying result of dog-human hybridization.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:19 PM on July 3, 2013


elizardbits: "Pardon me but I believe you meant Captain Jack Sharkness"

The best jokes are the ones that are both funny and you can't believe you haven't seen 100 times already.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:21 PM on July 3, 2013


Excellent work, people, but I have it on good authority that Zero Shark Thirty is getting the green light first due to the "Seal Team Six" tie-in possibilities.
posted by tonycpsu at 12:23 PM on July 3, 2013 [4 favorites]


SHARKOCALYPSE NOW PEOPLE
posted by trip and a half at 12:36 PM on July 3, 2013


To get back to the trailer, which I've watched about ten times now, I'd like to give special consideration to the voiceover announcer. I'm not sure what he is doing right with his delivery of "Sharks. Tornado. Sharknado. 'nuff said." but whatever it is, it is perfect for the situation. It might just be that it's right on the line of "I'm totally serious" and "I'm totally bullshitting you."

I also look forward to the sequel. "European Vacation. Sharks. Tornado. SharkNATO."
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:45 PM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


I think you lot wore out the trailer. I can only view 2 seconds of it, dammit.
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 12:47 PM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


"This content is currently unavailable." :(
posted by papafrita at 12:51 PM on July 3, 2013


GIRAFFEALANCHE
posted by Infinity_8 at 1:16 PM on July 3, 2013 [15 favorites]


I support elizardbits' campaign for SyFy Programming Director. Where do I sign up to be a precinct committee chair?
posted by Jacqueline at 1:17 PM on July 3, 2013 [5 favorites]


Octopocalypse
Pandavalanche

And the dreaded...

Marunami
posted by MrVisible at 1:19 PM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


Cackle with glee at Pterodactyl, starring Coolio as a terrorist-hunting Army Captain who must join forces with a group of young miscreants in order to battle prehistoric flying reptiles on the suspiciously verdant Turkish-Armenian border

That sounds like one fantastic voyage
posted by Hoopo at 1:34 PM on July 3, 2013


I for one can't wait until PBS cashes in on this trend and produces Shark Rise to Candleford.
posted by cottoncandybeard at 1:34 PM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


My daughter is right exactly on the cusp between "old enough to find this hilarious" and "old enough to be sort of angry to learn that somebody is seriously putting this on TV, as though people might want to watch it."

Please note that I'm not sure myself which of those two reactions is the more mature.
posted by Ipsifendus at 1:44 PM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


GIRAFFEALANCHE

Swear to GOD, I would totally buy that on BlueRay.
posted by bradth27 at 1:47 PM on July 3, 2013 [4 favorites]


Nuclear Warhammerhead

FADE IN

EXT. SHARK TANK - NIGHT

KIM WOBBE-GONG stands with his CHIEF SCIENTIST overlooking a massive shark tank, lit from below. The tank looks like an abandoned high school swimming pool. Kim stares menacingly into the tank as a school of fish swims past a SUNKEN UPSIDEDOWN PINEAPPLE CAKE FISH-HOUSE, when suddenly a massive HAMMERHEAD SHARK darts from behind the upsidedown pineapple cake fish-house. The hammerhead shark is glowing orange. As it swims rapidly towards the school of fish, they suddenly stop swimming and float to the surface, dead from RADIATION POISONING. The hammerhead swims to the surface and scoops the dead fish into it's gaping maw.

KIM WOBBE-GONG
(intently)

How do we trigger him?

CHIEF SCIENTIST
(deferentially)

Siri remotely clears his body thetans.

(CONT'D)
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:47 PM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


SNAKEBALL

It's a giant ball of snakes. Rolling into your MUTHA FUCKIN TOWN.
posted by bradth27 at 1:50 PM on July 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


SNAKEBALL

It's a giant ball of snakes. Rolling into your MUTHA FUCKIN TOWN.


The final battle is against...THE RAT KING
posted by zombieflanders at 1:56 PM on July 3, 2013


Syfy has found its niche: Portmanteau camp-tastica.

Also check out:

Dinoshark (It's a shark with a T Rex head!),

Monster Ark (An ark chock full of ancient monsters. But also very, very large.)

and

Mansquito (like The Fly but with a longer proboscis).
posted by Ink-stained wretch at 1:59 PM on July 3, 2013


The final battle is against...THE RAT KING

RATBALL.

It's a giant ball of rats. Rolling into your MUTHA FUCKIN TOWN.
posted by bradth27 at 2:08 PM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


I want these muthu fuckin snakes and rats off my mutha fuckin balls!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:11 PM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


Not to be confused with SHARKNADE 0, the cash-in prequel to the surprisingly watchable 1974 short SHARKNADE, said short having been filmed over a weekend by a very drunk Steve Speilburg and F. F. Coppola after the latter had, apropos of nothing, mumbled something to the former about "throwing a shark at you...just like a grenade" while pissing on a tree.

The original short was briefly included as an extra feature on the first DVD printing of Jaws, but a rights dispute forced its removal after that and subsequent attempts to share it on Youtube have been aggressively DMCA'd.
posted by cortex at 2:12 PM on July 3, 2013


So we ordered a new TV which is the first TV we've had that isn't from the 20th century so it feels very fancy to us. It should be delivered sometime soon. When I joked that if it comes before next Thursday, we should wait to unpack it so that Sharknado is the first thing we watch on it, my partner was totally accepting of this plan, and that's why gay marriage should be legal in Illinois. Case closed.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 2:17 PM on July 3, 2013 [16 favorites]


Fade in

(Red Shirt Army man)
“General, I think you might want to take a look at this.”

(General)
“What the HELL is that?”

(Red Shirt Army man)
“We aren’t sure sir. It looks like…… a giant ball of snakes, sir.”

(General)
“Well what do you suppose we should do about that, soldier?”

(Eric Roberts)
“There’s nothing you CAN do, General. I created that monster. Years ago, while working on a secret project for the Russians, I was asked to create an unstoppable force of nature that could wipe out an entire city in one breath. And now, the result of that experiment - That beautiful, deadly monster. That giant ball of snakes is about to roll into your town and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.”

(General)
(blank stare, men run frantically back and forth in the background, turning random dials and hitting buttons on a fake wall that’s supposed to look like it’s in some sort of army bunker or something)
posted by bradth27 at 2:23 PM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


Then it's winter and they all just fall asleep.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:26 PM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


Sharkton Abbey
Gosford Shark
The Great Sharksby
Marie Sharkionette

I just like thinking about sharks in elegant dresses and suits.
posted by The World's End at 2:29 PM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]




bradth27: " a giant ball of snakes, sir"

♫ Katamari Damacy ♪ ♫
posted by boo_radley at 2:46 PM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


Don't forget the weekly series: Extreme Mako-ver
posted by ShutterBun at 2:46 PM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


Does it come on after Sharks and Recreation?
posted by zombieflanders at 2:48 PM on July 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


I think maybe I am as tired of sharks as the zombiehaters are of zombies.

Actually, a zombienado would work...
posted by running order squabble fest at 2:50 PM on July 3, 2013


The amazing movie company behind 'Sharknado'
And the films Snakes on a Train and Nazis at the Center of the Earth

Choice quote: "It was big at Cannes."
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:55 PM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


zombieflanders: "Does it come on after Sharks and Recreation?"

When I was growing up, prime time hits used to have cartoon equivalents with a wacky change. Happy Days travelled through time, Laverne and Shirley in the army with a talking pig as their C.O., Punky Brewster had Glomer, Alf had a prequel...

I've often thought this needed to come back and never more than right now. What I'm saying is I would really get behind the underwater escapades of Leslie No-fin and Ben "Great" Whiteshark in some underwater version of Pawnee.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 3:07 PM on July 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


What About Shark
Never Cry Shark
Shark By Me
Dawn of the Sharks
Shark of Steel
Man of Sharks
300 Sharks
Shaun of the Sharks
Sharkalot
posted by HuronBob at 3:13 PM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


Shark, Actually.
posted by The Whelk at 3:23 PM on July 3, 2013 [6 favorites]


Braveshark
Million Dollar Shark
The Pursuit of Sharkyness
Legends of the Shark
A Shark To Remember
Shark Adams
Sharktanic
posted by MrVisible at 3:42 PM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


Malaria kills FAR more people than sharks.

MOSQUITOPUS REX
posted by elizardbits at 3:56 PM on July 3, 2013 [5 favorites]


Eat, Pray, Shark
posted by The World's End at 4:09 PM on July 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


Sharkland Tales
Sharkship Troopers
Army of Sharkness
posted by brundlefly at 4:13 PM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


Hitchhiker's Guide to the Ford Galaxie 500 Landshark
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:16 PM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


Get Sharky, from the book by Elmore Leonard, starring John Travolta, Danny DeVito, Gene Hackman, some other people, and sharks.
posted by Nat "King" Cole Porter Wagoner at 4:20 PM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


Shark Trek
Shark Wars
The Last Sharkfighter
A Shark Is Born

Hmmm, seems to work for any title containing the noun "star"....
posted by Nat "King" Cole Porter Wagoner at 4:23 PM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


Shark Trek

The Motion Sharkture? Or maybe The Wrath of Makhan? I lost steam after The Search for Shark

Also:

Sharcolat
Insharktion
Veronica Shark (funded by Kicksharker)
The MakOC
posted by zombieflanders at 4:28 PM on July 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


Sharkicide: Life on the Streets
Battleshark Galactipus
About a Shark
posted by lovecrafty at 4:31 PM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


Sharkspeare in Love.
posted by Songdog at 4:37 PM on July 3, 2013 [4 favorites]


And moving into the sharksploitation genre, we have

Shark Sharkback's Badassss Sea
Shark
Shark's Big Score
Shark in Africa
Dr. Shark, Mr. Squid
Skarkdingo
Sharkemite

I'll stop now.
posted by Hactar at 4:43 PM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


Nazis at the Center of the Earth

Seems like as good a place for them as any
posted by Hoopo at 4:47 PM on July 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


The Cook, the Thief, His Wife & Her Shark Lover

also

The Belly of a Shark
Drowning by Numbered Sharks

A Streetcar Named Shark

"I have always relied upon the thighs of strangers."
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 4:52 PM on July 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


SHARKS DON'T HAVE THIGHS IVAN
posted by elizardbits at 4:56 PM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


No - they eat them, was the point.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:57 PM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


Sharkablanca
Arsenic and Old Sharks
Mary Sharkins
The Preacher's Shark
posted by The World's End at 4:57 PM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


Also, if someone wants to do a movie called MUDSHARK!!, the theme music is already written.

Co-starring "a succulent young lady with a taste for the bizarre."
posted by Nat "King" Cole Porter Wagoner at 4:57 PM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


Sharkness Falls
posted by brundlefly at 5:09 PM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


Tony Shark is Iron Shark in The Sharkengers.
posted by h00py at 5:09 PM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


*basso profundo* "In a world of sharks...."
posted by h00py at 5:11 PM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


still crying from that damn screaming dog....
posted by leslies at 5:28 PM on July 3, 2013


Piranhaconda

Somehow I read this as Piranhahontus....
posted by BlueHorse at 5:51 PM on July 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


Hoo Wee shit! Hey does everyone in this thread want to get married to me?
posted by Divine_Wino at 7:14 PM on July 3, 2013


If SyFy knows what it's doing, the first weekend legal pot is available for sale in CO and WA, they should be running SyFy Originals marathon. Partner up with Dominos.
posted by mrzarquon at 7:33 PM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


My Dinner with Sharktopus.
When Shark met Sally.
Sharkamuthafuckashark
posted by bradth27 at 8:22 PM on July 3, 2013


Based on the surprising outcome of Tuna vs. Lion, I'm looking forward to TUNAMI.
posted by Room 641-A at 9:33 PM on July 3, 2013


Not sure if Interview With a Shark or Interview with a Sharkpire is better.
posted by The World's End at 10:07 PM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


Sharktar (legendary box office flop, or musical instrument?)

Pink Flaming Sharks

Reservoir Sharks

Sharkgary Shark Ross

The Usual Sharks

Les Sharkerables

Doctor Jeckel and Mr. Shark

Shark and Sharker
posted by idiopath at 10:33 PM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


How do you get a gig like this? With all the MST3K I've watched, I feel like I could probably write screenplays for shitty movies.

Sharks from Outer Space
Sharkos: Sharks of Fate
Prince of Sharks
Attack of the Giant Sharks
Sharks against the Moon-men
etc.
posted by ob1quixote at 12:30 AM on July 4, 2013


I found our scream queen.

It sounds like Patton Oswalt smashing himself in the toe with a hammer over and over.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 2:45 AM on July 4, 2013


ob1quixote: How do you get a gig like this?

The local rag did a profile on a guy in town who writes a bunch of these, which is mostly about answering this very question.

My main takeaway: the studio comes up with a concept and a title, pitches it to a bunch of scriptwriters, the scriptwriters weigh in, and they hire the one whose idea they liked best.
posted by idiopath at 5:12 AM on July 4, 2013 [1 favorite]


"So what do you call this act?"
"The Aristosharks!"
posted by detachd at 11:56 AM on July 4, 2013 [1 favorite]


Sharky's Machine
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:16 PM on July 4, 2013 [1 favorite]


Die, Shark.
Die, Sharker
Die, Shark, with a Vengeance
Live Free or Die, Shark
A Good Day to Die, Shark
posted by running order squabble fest at 4:14 AM on July 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


Or at least giving them cupcakes.

My LIttle Pony fans (or ex Fan Fic Friday Fans) are crying now.
Tears of blood.
posted by Mezentian at 7:40 AM on July 7, 2013


Because I know you were all interested, the aforementioned new TV is getting delivered tomorrow during the day, but we will be out Wednesday night, so "Sharknado" may, in fact, be the first thing we watch on the TV for real, if we do watch it.

Which we will. Live. In case anybody is interested in joining me at chat.metafilter.com.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 11:17 AM on July 9, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm stupidly excited about Sharknado. I loved Sharktopus, and it also had a great retro/surf theme song.
posted by kimberussell at 12:21 PM on July 9, 2013


I checked out the schedule for SyFy Netherlands on the off chance it would be shown here as well, but it looks like we're stuck with something called "Dinocroc vs. Supergator " which is, I guess, worse?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 10:40 PM on July 9, 2013 [1 favorite]


I spent some time last night trying to convince a bartender friend that his nautically-themed bar needs to have a special movie night. Starting with Sharktopus and Sharknado. If I have succeeded, I will alert local mefites.
posted by gingerbeer at 11:07 AM on July 10, 2013


By "alert," I assume you mean "warn."
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:10 AM on July 10, 2013


"Warn," "invite," "kidnap." All pretty much the same thing, no?
posted by gingerbeer at 11:16 AM on July 10, 2013


I'm disappointed that it isn't trending, but the fact that I came into work and found my Twitter feed full of Sharknado anticipation means I'm at least following the right people.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 7:13 AM on July 11, 2013


Looks awesome. 9PM!
posted by Ironmouth at 12:11 PM on July 11, 2013


Ummm... gingerbeer? These ropes are really chafing. Any chance I can get you to loosen the knots a bit? gingerbeer?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:14 PM on July 11, 2013


We asked the writer of Sharknado some very serious questions

Aren't the sharks at least as much victims of the sharknado as humans are?

Ah, well, now we’re into the larger philosophical issues of the film. What does it say about humans that when poor displaced sharks are ravaged by nature’s uncaring fury we try to kill them with chainsaws? I think we need to take a good long look in the mirror over that one.

What would happen if you spliced a shark with dark matter?

You’d have a sequel!



I should have known a man named Thunder would be the lost love of my life.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 2:08 PM on July 11, 2013 [3 favorites]


SyFy: "Tonight's scheduled premiere of Sharknado has been preempted to bring you a very special episode of Ghost Hunters."
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:02 PM on July 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


My mom is watching Sharknado right now. She just texted me:

Mom: Ooh, dark clouds are forming!

Me: Are they full of sharks?

Mom: Strangely enough the people are up in the air and the sharks are attacking from below. So I don't know what's going on. But it makes about as much sense as the title.
posted by phunniemee at 7:08 PM on July 11, 2013 [2 favorites]


A shameless film. Wonderful.
posted by Ironmouth at 8:00 PM on July 11, 2013


finally a film worthy of tara reid's acting abilities
posted by elizardbits at 8:15 PM on July 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


elizardbits: "finally a film worthy of tara reid's acting abilities"

You know, for some unknown reason, I am a big defender of Tara Reid the trouble celebrity. I just have a feeling that if we ended up sitting at the same table at the same bar back in the day, we would have had a blast (though if she had been at a nearby table in the same bar, I'm sure I would have hated it). Recently, flipping through the channels, I saw her guest hosting/"editing" TMZ and she was charming and self-effacing (though seeming charming in the seat normally occipied by Harvey Levin is not much of a stretch).

I provide you with this background so that you'll note how deadly serious I am when I state that Tara Reid's acting was poor in Sharknado. Not just that, she was a bad actress BY SHARKNADO'S CAST STANDARDS.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 7:16 AM on July 12, 2013 [2 favorites]




(accidentally posted to the wrong thread originally, oops!)

I just saw Sharknado. What a terrible movie. Two things keep it a bad-bad movie as opposed to a good-bad movie:

1. The effects budget. The one-man stand against the sharks with the chainsaw is awesome in that B-movie way, but it's too little too late.

2. They forgot to make the protagonist the main character. Nova is clearly the protagonist; we meet her first, she's the only one who acts instead of reacting, she has the tragic backstory (as a . . . shark mercenary? I guess?) which she has been running from and now must face up to in order to triumph. But noooo, she can't be the main character, because the main character has to be the dude about whom we know literally nothing other than he's a prepper and has children.

Fix those two things, and it could be a great popcorn flick. As it stands? Yeesh.
posted by KathrynT at 12:55 PM on July 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


Santa Monica Daily Press: City Hall caught in ‘Sharknado’
Councilmembers joked amongst each other, asking whether or not the producers paid City Hall for use of the pier.

City Attorney Marsha Moutrie said City Hall is looking into the matter.
posted by Room 641-A at 7:44 AM on July 27, 2013


The bad news is Sharknado 2: Fin Takes Manhattan is in pre-production. The good news is that Tara Reid will not be in it.
posted by ob1quixote at 2:05 AM on July 30, 2013


Oh TMZ if we can't trust you...

Sharknado' producer: Tara Reid isn't fired from sequel
posted by MCMikeNamara at 7:17 PM on July 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


Linked from MCMike's link: 'Sharknado' is whirling into movie theaters for one night only -- Will you go?
On August 2, Regal will host midnight showings of the greatest film of our time at about 200 cinemas across the country — check here to find one near you. The company clearly expects these to be like showings of The Room, only with more chainsaws: “You know how audiences have had fun with Rocky Horror Picture Show over the years,” said Chris Sylvia, Regal Entertainment Group’s director of digital marketing, in a statement. “If the internet reactions to this film are any indication, then our moviegoers are primed and ready to enjoy ‘Sharknado’ larger than life in cinemas.”
posted by ob1quixote at 8:23 PM on July 30, 2013 [2 favorites]


On one hand, well done Regal Entertainment Group. On the other, if you think I'm going to pay $12.50 to see this again, you are out of your fucking mind.

(And I say that as someone who looks upon his shared viewing of Sharknado as a highlight of July 2013.)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:05 AM on July 31, 2013 [1 favorite]


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