December 17, 2001
4:12 AM   Subscribe

Inspired by the last paragraph of this article and a past thread regarding the deployment of Gurkha troops in Afghanistan, I began to consider the merits of sending ninjas to invade Afghanistan. Preparing to add my services to the "war," I've been studying attack techniques and even got myself a hood. Extremely stealthy, successful at kidnapping the president in the past, and material for some of the craziest action movies EVER, ninjas would be extremely adept at unleashing the tiger in whatever mountains Usama's hiding in now. Besides, it wouldn't be the first time ninjas have fought in Afghanistan. When one further factors in their proficiency at delivering burgers and how much they have contributed to our legal system, it's no wonder they're universally regarded as totally awesome. I would, however, keep such national treasures as ninja cheerleaders and kittens home.
posted by lotsofno (15 comments total)
sorry if that was reminiscent of tamim's bollywood thread, with all the links (though not nearly as many.). i wasn't intending to copy that style; it's just the longer i thought about ninjas, the more links i thought of...
posted by lotsofno at 4:14 AM on December 17, 2001

huh? i didn't know the us had a squad of ninjas at its disposal but they sure would kick ass in an 80s action flick kind of way.
posted by mokey at 4:31 AM on December 17, 2001

What, no turtles?
posted by Optamystic at 4:34 AM on December 17, 2001

lotsofno, did you bump your head when you got up this morning? I mean, ninjas?
my ten-year-old nephew thinks they're totally awesome, but I don't know about anyone else. nevertheless, this gave me a good chuckle.
posted by lizardboy at 4:43 AM on December 17, 2001

i didn't know the us had a squad of ninjas at its disposal

maybe not a squad of them, but i know our military employs at least one.
posted by lotsofno at 5:11 AM on December 17, 2001

Dude, not ninjas.... SAMURAI!
posted by eyeballkid at 5:18 AM on December 17, 2001

Thanks for taking the Asian Times article to its silliest extreme, and compiling a nice collection of pages and articles to get a Monday morning off to a bright start.
posted by bragadocchio at 5:32 AM on December 17, 2001

Snake-Eyes grew up somewhere in the United States, along with his twin sister, Terri.

Heh. Did they run out of idea before they got to "Terri"?

"Mom!! Snake-Eyes is buggin' me again! Make him stop feigning death in my room! *ow* quit it! Mom, he's using his nunchuks on me!!"
posted by rodii at 5:34 AM on December 17, 2001

"Ninjas," like the even more picturesque "snake eaters," is a nickname for US special-operations troops.
posted by alumshubby at 5:57 AM on December 17, 2001

When I was in the sixth grade, I got punished by my grandmother for saying "ninja" because she thought that I was saying "nigger." I tried to explain, but--like most grandmothers--the way of the ninja confused her.

Ninja, please.
posted by ColdChef at 6:00 AM on December 17, 2001

Dude, not ninjas.... SAMURAI!

Dude, not samurai.... REPTILES!
posted by KLAX at 7:53 AM on December 17, 2001

I'm just waiting for Osama & Co. to make a blatant grammatical error and incur the wrath of the fearsome ninja locusts.
posted by bradlands at 8:08 AM on December 17, 2001

lotsofno: You brightened my morning!

But you missed the correspondence school for ninja felines!
posted by realjanetkagan at 9:24 AM on December 17, 2001

My favorite kind of ninja? IT Ninjas!
The I.T. Ninjas are responsible for all the "behind the scenes" work done at Angst Technology. This includes, but is not limited to answering trouble tickets, server backups, defense against raiding samurai, network administration, network security, and phones.
See them in action!
posted by ColdChef at 9:45 AM on December 17, 2001

Dude, not samurai.... REPTILES!

No way! KZINTI!
posted by UncleFes at 10:49 AM on December 17, 2001

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