Canadian As F**k
December 8, 2013 3:57 PM   Subscribe

 


With a small accent change, that's Central Pennsylvanian as F**k.
posted by sutt at 4:33 PM on December 8, 2013


With a small accent change, that's Central Pennsylvanian as F**k.

The stereotype's not as confined as presented, I grant you-- a small accent change, it's Midwest as F**k. The Canadian prairie and the US plains are very similar.

However, the characters would need to be much more hostile and menacing to be from Central Pennsylvania, Western New York or northern New England. Pit bull mix on a chain interrupting, 25 year old GM sedan idling over the conversation for no reason, visibly drunk main characters if there's full sun.
posted by Mayor Curley at 4:48 PM on December 8, 2013 [12 favorites]




However, the characters would need to be much more hostile and menacing to be from Central Pennsylvania

Ok, yeah, you got that pegged.
posted by sutt at 4:52 PM on December 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


Yepppp. I'm able to understand everything they are saying, though I'm a suburban boy through and through.
posted by Canageek at 4:53 PM on December 8, 2013


Holy crap, Monday, stony Monday, you have no idea how long it's been since I heard that.
posted by maudlin at 4:53 PM on December 8, 2013


Is there a version with subtitles? Them boys are incoherent as f**k.
posted by fuse theorem at 4:55 PM on December 8, 2013


Nevermind, I had to relisten to the bit about geting an impaired while driving somewhere a couple times to catch it all, and I'm not sure what an OV is.
posted by Canageek at 4:56 PM on December 8, 2013




OV = Old Vienna?
posted by maudlin at 5:00 PM on December 8, 2013


Carling O'Keefe Old Vienna.

Just say OV.
posted by i_have_a_computer at 5:11 PM on December 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


> Pit bull mix on a chain interrupting, 25 year old GM sedan idling over the conversation for no reason, visibly drunk main characters if there's full sun.

Northwestern Pennsylvania. Well, maybe a swath of the Lake Erie south coast from around Dunkirk NY to the Ohio border.

Although no car survives through 25 winters of Pennsylvania-style road salting, so swap in an 8 year old Toyota pickup that looks three times its age.
posted by ardgedee at 5:11 PM on December 8, 2013 [3 favorites]


For the Prince Edward Island flavour of this species you can watch the new web series Just Passing Through: (NSFW as f**k):
  1. Episode 1: Alberta Bound
  2. Episode 2: Pogey and Pubes
  3. Episode 3: Charlottetown Town
  4. Episode 4: The Handy Clam
  5. Episode 5: We're All God's Creatures
  6. Episode 6: Turning Toronto
  7. Episode 7: The Call
  8. Bonus Episode: Pogey Beach
posted by Space Coyote at 5:12 PM on December 8, 2013 [11 favorites]


The US doesn't have all dressed chips?

wow, you are deprived down there.
posted by jb at 5:16 PM on December 8, 2013 [9 favorites]


The one really weird thing is calling cigarettes darts; it has been smokes everywhere I've lived.

I hear large parts of it don't have ketchup either!
posted by Canageek at 5:22 PM on December 8, 2013


> wow, you are deprived down there.

Nah, but you guys don't have tacos. We win this round.
posted by ardgedee at 5:22 PM on December 8, 2013


I'm a Canadian (now Canadian-American) living in California. It remains mind-boggling to me that the land of the free, home of the stuff-crust pizza still does not have all-dressed potato chips.
posted by marylynn at 5:30 PM on December 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


In Toronto, I can get fresh made tacos from a local Mexican/Central America grocery store - also awesome burritos and pupusas.
posted by jb at 5:33 PM on December 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


We definitely have tacos in Canada, but they're probably not as widely available as they are south of the Canada/U.S. border.
posted by orange swan at 5:34 PM on December 8, 2013


I love those goddamn salad dressing flavored chips. Also ketchup chips but increasingly you can find them in the US.
posted by 2bucksplus at 5:45 PM on December 8, 2013


I'm loving the hell out of all these Canadian posts this week.
posted by hobo gitano de queretaro at 5:48 PM on December 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


With a small accent change, that's Central Pennsylvanian as F**k.

No offense, but Pennsylvania will never have this.
posted by KokuRyu at 5:50 PM on December 8, 2013 [7 favorites]


No offense, but Pennsylvania will never have this.

Speaking as an erstwhile Haligonian, Pennsylvania should be very, very grateful. There is literally no escaping that godawful beer jingle.
posted by Sys Rq at 5:59 PM on December 8, 2013


Cripes, the guy who wrote that is named Rogers too? Is there anyone in Canada who isn't named Rogers?
posted by XMLicious at 6:08 PM on December 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


I miss all dressed chips.

And the health care, obviously...
posted by Naberius at 6:08 PM on December 8, 2013


The one guy in the "How to Speak Canadian" sounds JUST LIKE the Bad Lip Reading guy, to the point that that's what I thought it was for basically most of the video.
posted by DoctorFedora at 6:14 PM on December 8, 2013


There's also the Prince Edward Island Encyclopedia series. Ah, PEI.
posted by ghost dance beat at 6:15 PM on December 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


Chips and smokes. Let's go!
posted by I'm Doing the Dishes at 6:16 PM on December 8, 2013 [6 favorites]


Having lived in Halifax I have heard quite enough of Barrett's Privateers, can I get a trigger warning or something?
posted by angerbot at 6:23 PM on December 8, 2013 [3 favorites]


That blonde guy sure looks a lot like that Samsung phone fire guy.

Pert-neer anyways eh.
posted by Twang at 6:23 PM on December 8, 2013


Nah, but you guys don't have tacos.

Every small town in Ontario has a restaurant which serves what the sign out front calls "Canadian-Italian-Chinese" food. You go there if you want a donair or lasagna or chicken balls with red sauce. It may be the only restaurant in town.

It is an abomination and it is home.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 6:48 PM on December 8, 2013 [4 favorites]


Ontarian as fuck. There are no Beer Stores in Alberta. There is also no milk in a bag here.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 6:48 PM on December 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


Nah, but you guys don't have tacos. We win this round.

There are three Mexican-owned Mexican places and one Venezuelan place within two blocks of my house in Calgary and I don't live in what would remotely be described as a Latin American part of town. There's also a fucking amazing Egyptian place across from a fucking amazing Sichuan place not even a five minute walk from my front door. We have tacos- we also had a week of temps that didn't get above -20c until last night- talk about that.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 6:53 PM on December 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


Ontarian as fuck.

But that's what Ontario means! It's the land-of-the-people-who-think-stuff-specific-to-their-land-applies-coast-to-coast.

See also: every time someone from Toronto says "In Canada" and then goes on to say something that isn't even true about Northern and Eastern Ontario.
posted by Monday, stony Monday at 7:01 PM on December 8, 2013 [9 favorites]


Oh yes let's all live in Cal-gary. How's your portfolio? Do we have a tax on wicker goods yet?
posted by angerbot at 7:02 PM on December 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


I want to visit Toronto so badly.

This show looks so over-the-top ridiculous in that grotesque Jersey Shore way.
posted by gucci mane at 7:06 PM on December 8, 2013


A couple things took a couple listens, but that was almost all entirely intelligible. Cultural things aside - did not know Darts were a cigarette brand, and such.
posted by kafziel at 7:13 PM on December 8, 2013


Cultural things aside - did not know Darts were a cigarette brand, and such.

Brand? No. A dart is a cigarette.
posted by jimmythefish at 7:19 PM on December 8, 2013


No Bubbles? Aww.
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 7:24 PM on December 8, 2013


There is one very simple way to tell a Canadian from an American.

Just sing 'Sleep Country Can-a-da"

All Canadians will instantly reply, well, they know what they will reply.

(Danny Michel taught me that one.)
posted by sweet mister at 7:28 PM on December 8, 2013 [7 favorites]


See, that's what I'm talking about.
posted by kafziel at 7:28 PM on December 8, 2013


...that godawful beer jingle...

What, what?
posted by ~ at 7:30 PM on December 8, 2013


There is also no milk in a bag here.

Is that like Canadian slang for cows?
posted by heyho at 7:30 PM on December 8, 2013 [5 favorites]


Why buy a mattress anywhere else.
posted by parki at 7:31 PM on December 8, 2013 [11 favorites]


Those accents sound a bit more down east than Ontario to me, eh?

'Course, it depends on what part of Ontario.


Also, I now want some dill pickle chips and a peameal sandwich.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:32 PM on December 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


Nope, rather cow's milk in a clear plastic bag without any sort of rigid container.
posted by Mitheral at 7:32 PM on December 8, 2013


There is also no milk in a bag here.

We're not in Saskatoon anymore, mom.
posted by benzenedream at 7:35 PM on December 8, 2013


For those of you who did not scroll down the Wiki link: you must apply a rigid container to a bag of milk before you pour it. One does not freestyle with milk bags.
posted by maudlin at 7:40 PM on December 8, 2013 [6 favorites]


Also, there are better maritime songs than Barrett's Privateers.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:48 PM on December 8, 2013 [4 favorites]


Wait, so it doesn't work like a capri sun?
posted by elizardbits at 7:56 PM on December 8, 2013


What the fuck is the "All" in all dressed chips anyways.

Is it really everything-flavoured?
posted by cacofonie at 7:56 PM on December 8, 2013


maybe it means it has a bag of milk on top
posted by elizardbits at 8:00 PM on December 8, 2013


I'm just gonna assume it's as opposed to "half-naked."
posted by Now there are two. There are two _______. at 8:00 PM on December 8, 2013


We're not in Saskatoon anymore, mom.

DAMN YOU KROLL!!! Now that is how you troll nitpicky Canadians. Jeez.

What the fuck is the "All" in all dressed chips anyways.

Is it really everything-flavoured?


It's pretty much just salt & vinegar and barbecue mixed together. It's better than it sounds.
posted by Sys Rq at 8:01 PM on December 8, 2013


What the fuck is the "All" in all dressed chips anyways.

Is it really everything-flavoured?



Yes.


And, I can't stop laughing at this. I swear I've met these guys. Since moving from the city to small town Ontario I've heard oodles of stuff like this from people I've come across. I love it. I've even picked up a few phrases here and there.

I constantly, without thinking refer to people as 'living north of the checkerboard.'
posted by Jalliah at 8:04 PM on December 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


Also, there are better maritime songs than Barrett's Privateers.

Yes, but if you are drinking with anyone from the east coast they will force to you listen to Barrett's Privateers at least once. Of course, I only learned this once I moved to Vancouver, which has far more East Coasters then suburban Ontario. Also: Once outside of Ontario, everyone else looks down on Ontario.
posted by Canageek at 8:10 PM on December 8, 2013


I've had conversations with guys like this. Sometimes in lucky if I catch half of it, but I am learning.
posted by arcticseal at 8:22 PM on December 8, 2013


> Nah, but you guys don't have tacos. We win this round.

Hell no. Go to any southern Ontario rural town that has big vegetable growers, and you'll find a Mexican restaurant of unbelievable quality. You're as like to hear Spanish on the main street as anything else. Leamington has such a large Mexican population it has a consular building … and a couple of hole-in-the-wall taquerias so good we didn't eat anywhere else the whole time we were there.

You guys don't have kotthu roti, mutton buns, string hoppers, Hakka or decent fish and chips, so you're out for the count. Pthbfft.
posted by scruss at 8:24 PM on December 8, 2013 [4 favorites]


Nova Scotians might make you sing Barrett's Privateers. I don't think New Brunswickers would. I don't know about PEI people because they are ultra-rare to encounter. Newfoundlanders have approximately 2390820 songs that we're more familiar with and like better. I think of Barrett's Privateers as more of a Maritimes song, and we're not part of the Maritimes. (I'd make you sing Peter Street).
posted by erlking at 8:44 PM on December 8, 2013 [5 favorites]


And you can't have poutine or beaver tails south of the border without the requisite healthcare systems available, and should limit your Tim's coffee intake until they're fully in place.
posted by ceribus peribus at 8:49 PM on December 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


Just sing 'Sleep Country Can-a-da"

All Canadians will instantly reply, well, they know what they will reply.


That may be something from the past couple of decades, or not-BC, because I have not a clue, but despite being born and bred, I haven't lived in Canada since the early 90s.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 8:55 PM on December 8, 2013


^Yeah, I am also ignorant of this jingle.
posted by erlking at 9:11 PM on December 8, 2013


It's pretty prevalent in BC now, at least on radio.
posted by Mitheral at 9:18 PM on December 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


Just sing 'Sleep Country Can-a-da'

Here in Washington it's "Sleep Country U-S-A", same next line. Soooo...
posted by mwhybark at 9:27 PM on December 8, 2013


That ad has been on Vancouver/BC TV and radio for 20+ years.
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 9:51 PM on December 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


Canageek, you might have just been drinking with people who spent time in the Navy... Barrett's is largely considered the unofficial anthem. I still know the words better when I'm drunk then when I'm sober.
posted by cirhosis at 10:31 PM on December 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm loving the hell out of all these Canadian posts this week.

You may think it's all a coincidence, but there are now enough Canadian members MeFi falls under cancon rules so twenty percent of all posts by metric volume have to be about Canada now.

Bilingual posting for members from Quebec will be phased in from 2015.
posted by MartinWisse at 11:22 PM on December 8, 2013 [19 favorites]


Just sing 'Sleep Country Can-a-da'

It's 8 am in England, and I'm on a train curling through rolling south downs countryside on my way to work. It couldn't look more English outside.

I just involuntarily mouthed "why by a mattress anywhere else."

Damnit.
posted by generichuman at 12:19 AM on December 9, 2013 [8 favorites]


That ad has been on Vancouver/BC TV and radio for 20+ years.

Shrug. Never heard it in my life, including the first half of my life, in BC.

Now, Malacca Rattan's jingle? That one's stuck with me.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 3:05 AM on December 9, 2013 [1 favorite]


Holy shit, those guys just summarized my summer vacations in rural New Brunswick in one film! Interestingly, you change tha accents and some of the slang and it summarizes growing up in rural Alabama too.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 5:26 AM on December 9, 2013


Possibly worth noting: "Darts" is short for "lung darts" i.e., cigarettes. Also, one redeeming quality about living in Quebec is that we don't have that Sleep Country Canada ad. Here the store's called "Dormez Vous", which doesn't fit the jingle.
posted by Bartonius at 5:37 AM on December 9, 2013


Did anyone else notice when Sleep Country Canada swapped out their old Christine McGee for a new one? Fucked me right up.
posted by awenner at 7:13 AM on December 9, 2013


No offense, but Pennsylvania will never have this.

Yeah. We're all broken up about it.
posted by snottydick at 7:21 AM on December 9, 2013


I love that there was a pop-up ad for darts (the game) on my screen.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 7:21 AM on December 9, 2013


I've met many a person from north of the checkerboard. Generally, I believe the stereotype is true.
posted by jamincan at 5:00 PM on December 9, 2013


But that's what Ontario means! It's the land-of-the-people-who-think-stuff-specific-to-their-land-applies-coast-to-coast.

See also: every time someone from Toronto says "In Canada" and then goes on to say something that isn't even true about Northern and Eastern Ontario.


Oh come on. A lot of that has to do with the fact that most of the large cities within a six-hour drive of Toronto are in the U.S. And in terms of population, half of Ontario is the Golden Horseshoe.
posted by one more dead town's last parade at 5:15 PM on December 9, 2013


Bilingual

Note to American readers: this word has four syllables.
posted by one more dead town's last parade at 5:16 PM on December 9, 2013 [1 favorite]


Checkerboard?

Unlike we south of your border you Canadians picked the best tasting chip in the Lays contest.
posted by brujita at 5:29 PM on December 9, 2013


Just sing 'Sleep Country Can-a-da"

All Canadians will instantly reply, well, they know what they will reply.

Lived in northern Ontario all my life (50+ years), even worked in radio, and I've never heard this before I just listened to the YouTube rendition of the jingle.

See also: every time someone from Toronto says "In Canada" and then goes on to say something that isn't even true about Northern and Eastern Ontario.
SOOOOOO true!
posted by MILNEWSca at 9:50 AM on December 10, 2013


I live 2 1/2 hours from Toronto, just so you know!
posted by sweet mister at 11:17 AM on December 10, 2013


I dated Mrs A. from 1994, she's from Vancouver and that Sleep Country ad is burned on my brain.
posted by arcticseal at 6:50 PM on December 11, 2013


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