Big living public hair
January 2, 2014 5:20 AM   Subscribe

 
Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope saw it once not doing it again nope nope nope
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 5:22 AM on January 2, 2014 [12 favorites]


WHY WOULD YOU POST THIS AHHH
posted by The Whelk at 5:24 AM on January 2, 2014 [9 favorites]


This is one of those videos that appears to be "too good" to be true. The spiders look more CGI than real. Yeah yeah, "I can tell because of the pixels, etc," but I'm going to go out on a limb on this one and call it fake. :P
posted by surazal at 5:25 AM on January 2, 2014 [1 favorite]


Never cleaning my house again. What if an innocent ball of cat-fluff turns out to be SPIDERS SPIDERS SPIDERS?

(Well, I'd summon my cat Spike, first of all. Giles would be hiding with me).
posted by bitter-girl.com at 5:26 AM on January 2, 2014 [8 favorites]


All I know is people keep posting this link places with no warning and I'm now traumatized.
posted by Windigo at 5:26 AM on January 2, 2014


I just think of this as the perfect wig for the best denouement to a moody gothic drag routine in all of human history.
posted by sonascope at 5:26 AM on January 2, 2014 [41 favorites]


New New Year's Resolution: BURN ALL SPIDERS
posted by Kitteh at 5:27 AM on January 2, 2014 [1 favorite]


Ah, those are just daddy long legs, not spiders. Not skeerd.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 5:28 AM on January 2, 2014 [29 favorites]


oh man that's a typo. should be PUBIC. I've gone from embarrassing myself making typos with 'public' to the other side
posted by angrycat at 5:30 AM on January 2, 2014 [23 favorites]


I just think of this as the perfect wig for the best denouement to a moody gothic drag routine in all of human history.

Only if you can time it to some increasingly high pitched screaming
posted by The Whelk at 5:31 AM on January 2, 2014 [2 favorites]


GET YOUR FREE PUBLIC HAIR HERE.


Yes it's like the gothiest merkin ever.
posted by The Whelk at 5:32 AM on January 2, 2014 [13 favorites]


Hurray, spiders! # <-- lookit so cuteee
posted by Quilford at 5:33 AM on January 2, 2014 [6 favorites]


Reminds me of this, from a Reddit thread where people wrote that they had spider ball fights as a kid ("It didn't hurt, it just felt weird because the spiders would stick to you and run around. I remember one year we found so many we were able to fill a 5 gallon bucket and bring it back to the house. Mother wasn't happy when we tipped it over into the house.").
posted by martinrebas at 5:33 AM on January 2, 2014 [16 favorites]


Man, Cyriak is really just phoning them in now.

I get these around my house (the outside) every once in a while when the weather changes. They are actually kind of neat.

And no, these arachnids are not the world's most poisonous animal.
posted by TedW at 5:36 AM on January 2, 2014 [1 favorite]


Only if you can time it to some increasingly high pitched screaming

I think I'd just perform the spider dispersement bit to a love song in homage to Leigh Bowery's as-yet-unbeaten reveal at Wigstock (NSFW).
posted by sonascope at 5:37 AM on January 2, 2014 [1 favorite]


Prophetic.
posted by notquitemaryann at 5:42 AM on January 2, 2014 [2 favorites]




An explanation
“Harvestmen often will aggregate into groups in which the legs seem to be twined together and the bodies close to each other. When disturbed, a single harvestman typically pushes its body up and down in a slow, vibrating motion. The large groups will perform the same behavior if disturbed, so the pulsating mass of harvestmen may be an even greater deterrent to potential predators. Furthermore, the defensive chemicals produced by a mass may be collectively more effective, so grouping might promote greater security while the aggregation rests or hibernates.”
posted by melissam at 5:49 AM on January 2, 2014 [15 favorites]


"Harvestmen"?! What, of SOULS?
posted by bitter-girl.com at 5:55 AM on January 2, 2014 [44 favorites]


Why would anybody click such a thing? I mean, I clicked it. But why did I? If someone came up to you and said, "Hey, you know, if you smack yourself in the face, it'll hurt," you wouldn't immediately smack yourself in the face. Why is the Internet different?
posted by Sing Or Swim at 5:55 AM on January 2, 2014 [12 favorites]


Aww, daddy long legs are cute! They're just doing their thing.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 5:55 AM on January 2, 2014 [15 favorites]


Many species practice autotomy; they detach their legs, which keep on moving, to confuse predators.
posted by The Whelk at 5:57 AM on January 2, 2014 [4 favorites]


Many species practice autotomy; they detach their legs, which keep on moving, to confuse predators.

Don't try this at home.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:58 AM on January 2, 2014 [8 favorites]


Many species practice autotomy; they detach their legs, which keep on moving, to confuse predators.

I suspect this is why I get so few callbacks after dragging myself out of job interviews on my elbows.
posted by sonascope at 6:03 AM on January 2, 2014 [15 favorites]


If someone came up to you and said, "Hey, you know, if you smack yourself in the face, it'll hurt," you wouldn't immediately smack yourself in the face. Why is the Internet different?

Just speaking for myself, I believe it's because there's a certain trepidation to being told something will squick you out, as opposed to 'this will hurt.' If you tell me that touching the handle of a pan will burn the shit out of me, I'll probably take your word for it. However, if you say, "Dude, do NOT look in that hole," and promptly throw up, a) I will look at you and decide I'm tougher than that, b) look in the hole, and c) probably join you in throwing up.

Just a different mindset about teh gross, ya know?
posted by Mooski at 6:04 AM on January 2, 2014


Deeeeetactable penis .To confuse predators....
posted by The Whelk at 6:05 AM on January 2, 2014 [8 favorites]


Many species practice autotomy; they detach their legs, which keep on moving, to confuse predators.

Ummm...maybe this is better suited for AskMe, but I just detached my legs to see if this would work, but it didn't. How do I reattach my legs? I know, you are not my doctor and all that, but just tell me how. Thanks in advance!
posted by NoMich at 6:05 AM on January 2, 2014 [4 favorites]


Awwh this makes me nostalgic. They do this clumping thing in random corners on sheds and bungalows in the Catskills where my parents go for the Summer. As a kid we'd throw pebbles into these hairballs or squirt them with water guns to watch them all scatter. Totally harmless (amusing) creatures.
posted by tempythethird at 6:06 AM on January 2, 2014 [1 favorite]


It seems like you could provision a special-purpose nozzle for an anteater that would neatly handle situations like this.

Kickstarter, here I come!
posted by arialblack at 6:08 AM on January 2, 2014 [1 favorite]


Ok, I was going to give a pass to You Kids Today and your Beards of Crickets, but this Pubes of Spiders thing is just GOING TOO FAR.
posted by drlith at 6:08 AM on January 2, 2014 [1 favorite]


My husband is scared of spiders, but it turns out it's only if they're actually in the house, because he watched this, and his only comment was that the man's commentary on loop made for a rather nice musical interlude.

"Súper pelo público...aaaaaaah!"

(What's the last bit he's saying? It sounds like "no me mas", but I doubt it is because the first bit's in Portuguese, right?)
posted by Katemonkey at 6:09 AM on January 2, 2014 [1 favorite]


You do know that metafilter is all blue spiders? Right?
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 6:12 AM on January 2, 2014 [1 favorite]


angrycat: "oh man that's a typo. should be PUBIC. I've gone from embarrassing myself making typos with 'public' to the other side"

That's okay. Nobody knows what pubic hair looks like anymore.

::sigh::
posted by Splunge at 6:15 AM on January 2, 2014 [5 favorites]


I think a fear that someone's pubic hair might actually be a mass of spiders explains why so many people shave their pubes nowadays; it's a gesture to guarantee that your crotch is not full of spiders, which seems considerate for new lovers.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 6:17 AM on January 2, 2014 [35 favorites]


Beards of Crickets, Pubes of Spiders sounds like it should be headlining an alt-rock gothabilly festival
posted by fight or flight at 6:18 AM on January 2, 2014 [13 favorites]


I love spiders (and daddy longlegs/harvestmen). I started showing them (in real life-- we have a lot on our property during the spring/summer/fall & in the basement) to my daughter when she was still tiny. She still has ongoing affection for them at age 3 1/2; we actually had a long discussion and reread her vintage Spiders book from National Geographic Books for Young Explorers this morning to clarify the difference between garden spiders and tarantulas.

Seriously. And this video was cool.
posted by miss tea at 6:19 AM on January 2, 2014 [2 favorites]


I'm actually kind of afraid of spiders but thought this was sort of cute. Big dorky panicked scattering. 'Yoinks a pink thing is coming.'
posted by A Terrible Llama at 6:20 AM on January 2, 2014 [5 favorites]


This is a lot more adorable if you mentally superimpose the Lemmings "Oh No!" sound effect to the panicky little fluffballs. The "Benny Hill" music also works.
posted by metaBugs at 6:25 AM on January 2, 2014 [8 favorites]


TS;DW (too scared; didn't watch). I've been trying to adopt a more appreciative and accepting spirit towards bugs and all manners of little critters, and I find that thinking of them as though they're humans usually helps (e.g., making dinner, finding a warm/cozy spot to rest, wondering if this leaf will provide enough camouflage to hide from that hungry bear, etc.).

Somehow I don't know if imagining humans instead of spiders will help in this instance. Especially after reading about that autotomy thing...
posted by neitherly at 6:26 AM on January 2, 2014 [1 favorite]


If someone came up to you and said, "Hey, you know, if you smack yourself in the face, it'll hurt," you wouldn't immediately smack yourself in the face.

Yeah, but now I really want to.
posted by Panjandrum at 6:30 AM on January 2, 2014 [2 favorites]


The best way to get over an aversion to bugs is probably to go to an insect house at at zoo and talk to the volunteers. I was at the St. Louis Zoo's Insectarium once and a volunteer came around with a giant millipede in his hands. I was weirded out at first, but then I pet it, and it was very dry, and when I held it, it was like holding a scared but curious hamster. I mean, sure it had no recognizable face and a couple hundred legs, but it was very friendly, even if it did pee on me a little. So go out and face your fears!
posted by Elementary Penguin at 6:30 AM on January 2, 2014 [7 favorites]


I have underwear made out of clumps of spiders.
posted by planetesimal at 6:33 AM on January 2, 2014 [1 favorite]


I find it weird when people are afraid of little running scattery things that don't bite, like my ex, who was so terrified of cicadas that he picked an apartment with a enclosed garage so he could spend the cicada summer of 2004 in the DC/MD region completely indoors.

They don't bite, for pete's sake.

Mind you, I've been in trouble with my friends for my dishonesty when it comes to spiders after carefully explaining to them that if they're in my outhouse and a wolf spider as big as a silver dollar walks across their ass, they just need to relax, let it pass, and clamp their legs a bit tighter so the spiders don't race through the breach and get into their shirt, which is a little unnerving, even for me.

"You're sure those spiders don't bite?" asks a nervous camper friend after I've assured her that, while it's pretty likely that one of the dozens of wolf spiders that seem to love to cling to the underside of the seat box in the outhouse at my cabin will get curious and walk across her ass, it will not bite her and isn't poisonous, anyway.

"They're not known to bite," I say, so I won't be stuck alone on the mountainside with no one to play Bananagrams with by candlelight. "You just have to be zen, let 'em do their thing, and they'll get bored."

Much later, I get an angry email to the effect that she looked it up and wolf spiders DO bite.

"Yeah, but only if agitated, so don't agitate them with your undercarriage," I reply.

"Screw that, I'm just pooping in the woods next time."

"You'll be sorry when a bear gets you."

As a boy, though, I have to admit the sensation of having a number of wolf spiders climbing around your genitals, even while you've got your legs clamped tight to keep 'em out of your shirt and are being as zen as you can is unsettling, but it's all about perspective.
posted by sonascope at 6:35 AM on January 2, 2014 [11 favorites]


I find it weird when people are afraid of little running scattery things that don't bite, like my ex

You have weird taste in partners.
posted by flabdablet at 6:47 AM on January 2, 2014 [20 favorites]


sonascope: "As a boy, though, I have to admit the sensation of having a number of wolf spiders climbing around your genitals, even while you've got your legs clamped tight to keep 'em out of your shirt and are being as zen as you can is unsettling, but it's all about perspective."

I have to say I looked at this story from Momma Wolf Spider's perspective, always telling little Johnny, Jane, Janet, Jesse & Johan, her chillun, not to walk out of the warmth onto that big white globe hanging down, because those big asses, while not known to bite, do get agitated when disturbed.
posted by chavenet at 6:47 AM on January 2, 2014 [6 favorites]


those big asses, while not known to bite, do get agitated when disturbed

And that detaching thing they do with the thing that appears in the middle is just scary and gross.
posted by flabdablet at 6:49 AM on January 2, 2014 [1 favorite]


sonascope, your story profoundly disturbs and horrifies me. I'll take my chances with the bear.
posted by GrapeApiary at 6:59 AM on January 2, 2014 [4 favorites]


Much spiders, so aaaaaargh.
posted by Artw at 7:04 AM on January 2, 2014 [1 favorite]


The spiders look more CGI than real.

You're not from Australia, are you?

(Staying well away from the video, because, as others have said: so aaaaaargh. I have had a spider bomb twice. So so aaaaaargh my skin is crawling. It's worse when it goes off in the roof).
posted by Mezentian at 7:08 AM on January 2, 2014 [1 favorite]


oh man that's a typo. should be PUBIC


Well, sometimes it's public.



heh.
posted by louche mustachio at 7:09 AM on January 2, 2014


Why are there balls of pubic hair lying about?
Are people using clippers or something?
posted by Mezentian at 7:12 AM on January 2, 2014 [1 favorite]


A prize to the person who finds the best accompaniment music for this.
posted by jessamyn at 7:20 AM on January 2, 2014 [1 favorite]


I find it weird when people are afraid of little running scattery things that don't bite,

At the moment the things are scattering, your monkey brain doesn't KNOW they don't bite. And they are moving very fast, possibly in your direction, and all you think is GET AWAY NOW AAAAH. You may even make a high-pitched, monkey-like screech* as you do it.

At least if you're me.

*My husband knows my "UNEXPECTED BUG" screech very well and just comes running with our designated Bug-Squashing Shoe (old steel-toed, size 13 boot). He learned it when we lived in a place prone to roaches hanging out in the shower. Roaches do not bite. But they must die, and so out comes the boot.

Our current place just gets tiny spiders, mostly, which I can deal with. I'm not bothered by daddy longlegs (longlegses?) either, but that doesn't mean I enjoy seeing them in large groups in my vicinity.
posted by emjaybee at 7:20 AM on January 2, 2014 [5 favorites]


I find it weird when people are afraid of little running scattery things that don't bite,

So, you have missed the rain of spiderbabies?
posted by Mezentian at 7:22 AM on January 2, 2014


A prize to the person who finds the best accompaniment music for this.

Yackety Sax, obvs.
posted by Artw at 7:23 AM on January 2, 2014 [11 favorites]


I was able to use this video to get a co-worker to literally (literally!) leap from her chair and shout "What the fuck!?!?!?"

So thanks!
posted by Mister_A at 7:23 AM on January 2, 2014 [2 favorites]


Also you misspelled 'publick.'
posted by Mister_A at 7:24 AM on January 2, 2014


Is there a small projector on the market we can use to project this image into cars?
posted by Mezentian at 7:24 AM on January 2, 2014


daddy longlegs (longlegses?)

Daddies Longlegs
posted by device55 at 7:30 AM on January 2, 2014 [4 favorites]


I imagine an old timey piano playing them off. Also: how is this a thing that exists and is real? wtf world?
posted by supercrayon at 7:40 AM on January 2, 2014


A prize to the person who finds the best accompaniment music for this.

Not particularly hard.
posted by JHarris at 7:41 AM on January 2, 2014


sonascope: "I find it weird when people are afraid of little running scattery things that don't bite, like my ex, who was so terrified of cicadas that he picked an apartment with a enclosed garage so he could spend the cicada summer of 2004 in the DC/MD region completely indoors."

Biting is not the potentiality that makes me insect averse, it's the fear that the thing crawling on and around me is going to enter one of my orifices. That's what insects do! They crawl into and out of holes! I refuse to have my ears, nose, or whatever else be party to such awfulness.
posted by invitapriore at 8:00 AM on January 2, 2014 [9 favorites]


I find it weird when people are afraid of little running scattery things that don't bite, like my ex

You have weird taste in partners.


He was a pretty extreme case, as in when he called me in a flat panic because a cicada had landed on the outside of his window screen in his 14th floor apartment.

"Joe, just come down here and get rid of it, it's—aaaaugh! It's making a noise!"

So I got in my car and drove twenty-two miles, spent a half hour looking for a parking space in DC, took the elevator up to his apartment, walked to the window, and went flick.

"Why didn't you just flick it off?" I asked, and he looked at me with a furrowed brow.

"I'm not going near that thing!"

"Why didn't you close the window, then?"

"It would still be there."

Mind you, he'd had some sort of traumatic experience at the height of Brood III in Chicago in '80 when he'd ended up running across the city in his underpants while tripping balls on LSD with cicadas crunching under bare feet and landing all over him in the process, so I guess I should cut him some slack. So I'll drive twenty miles for a flick, and then laugh and laugh and laugh. I'm supportive, but at a terrible price.
posted by sonascope at 8:03 AM on January 2, 2014 [13 favorites]


My favorite part of this is the idea that it's a video of "Ooooh! Hey, let's poke this harmless, adorable, random outdoor clump of nice pubic hair...ooh nooo SPIDERS!" Like anything good was going to come of poking friendly outdoor pubic hair.
posted by artychoke at 8:07 AM on January 2, 2014 [8 favorites]


Like anything good was going to come of poking friendly outdoor pubic hair.


You aren't hanging out at the right parks.


(I have to make inappropriate jokes or the spiders will get me.)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 8:14 AM on January 2, 2014 [14 favorites]


There is currently exactly one google hit for the phrase "nozzle for an anteater." Just thought you might like to know.
posted by Now there are two. There are two _______. at 8:19 AM on January 2, 2014 [11 favorites]


it's the fear that the thing crawling on and around me is going to enter one of my orifices

I'm sympathetic to that, I suppose, and my horror of roaches is probably a good sign that I'm a hypocrite about crawly things when it comes to bugs that are the living embodiment of roaming skid marks.

When I got kicked out of high school and decided to make a go of it in the real world, I ended up moving into a basement "apartment" on the boundary of the University of Maryland that was really just a sick money grab on the part of the landlord, because when you entered, you had to limbo under pipes and conduit that were at shoulder level in a set of rooms that had been hastily converted to two bedrooms, a nightmare bathroom, and a kitchenette with one of those one-piece steel kitchen units that was rusting into the floor.

The place was teeming with roaches, to the point that it was like having animated wallpaper with paisley patterns that swirled like psychedelic mandalas as you tried to eat your ramen in peace. I had six roommates in two bedrooms, which was okay as the rent was $105 a month and I was already resorting to unauthorized overuse of the Fixin's Bar to supplement my diet.

I shared a room with Johnny and Mike, which was okay, as Mike was a slut and usually spent nights with whatever down-low member of the UMCP teams would take him in, though Johnny was an in-house nudist in the most unsexy way imaginable and slept with a black satin butterfly mask, being a light sleeper. My sleepwalking drove him insane, and his bobbing penis in the kitchen was less than optimal, but we were poor.

I made the mistake of mentioning, at one point, that roaches were known to explore our orifices as we slept, and Johnny made a shriek that drew the attention of the two gymnasts and the poly-sci major in the other room.

"What the fuck are you shrieking about?" asked poly-sci, coughing through a rough bong hit.

"Joe said that roaches go in your mouth at night!"

"Yeah, they do. Your nose and ears, too. I think they might even eat your eye goo—you know that crusty stuff in the corners."

"That's what I heard," I said, and Johnny went quiet, with his eyebrows trying to leap skyward and off his head entirely, then clapped both hands over his mouth.

"That's…that's…NO. No no no!"

He disappeared for the afternoon, but at bedtime, as I unfolded the shitty foam chair that I slept on on the floor like a little lopsided cot of sadness, Johnny reappeared. With no fuss, he sat on the edge of his bed, cracked open a plastic Leggs egg, pulled a pair of turquoise panty hose over his head, tucked it into the neck of his pyjamas, then strapped on his black satin butterfly mask, paused, mumbling his nightly prayers, and climbed under his sheet. I turned out the lights, more traumatized by the butterfly-faced turquoise bank robber alien sleeping eight feet from me than the prospect of mouth roaches, and slept a very fitful sleep.

In the end, it was a single roach that ended my stay there. We'd been hearing about a new strain of giant Asian cockroaches in the area, but had been fortunate to only suffer from the presence of twenty thousand of the regular kind, until I was sitting in the kitchen, reading, and my nude panicky roommate came floppitting out of the bedroom in a wordless jabber freakout.

"What is it?"

"Roach! Giant roach! Oh oh oh! On the wall!"

I put my book down, followed him into the bedroom, and there, on the wall, was a roach about the size of a gold lamé slingback mule, just clinging to the frame of the closet door. My stomach lurched, and that goddamn roach was breaking the rules by being so freakishly large, and it was gonna die. I carefully removed my shoe, edged closer with my panicky naked roommate way too close behind me, raaaaaaised the shoe to strike, and—

That motherfucking roach flipped open a pair of wings as big as Belgian endives, launched straight off the wall at me as both I and my panicky naked roommate screamed like little girls, and it zoomed straight past my ear and…panicky naked roommate went silent. I lurched forward and turned to see Johnny standing there, frozen with Lovecraftian horror with eyes rolling in bovine upset, with the giant roach sitting on the bridge of his nose, for just a second before he started screaming again, charged out of the room, clotheslined himself on the plumbing pipes and conduit, and ran out into our grassless, depressing yard with the roach clinging on doggedly, shrieking and trying to tear off his own face as the douchey bros who lived upstairs gathered at the back door, watching a naked man rolling around in the mud.

I stood at the top of the basement steps, taking it all in, and one of the guys looked over at me with a question mark in his expression.

"Really big roach," I said, as Johnny rolled and rolled and rolled, screaming all the while.

Slept in the Datsun that night, then packed my things, said my goodbyes, and moved into an abandoned industrial poultry house on the nearby agricultural research center for a month until I found a room in a group house of all dinner theater actors.

So, yeah, I get the orifice thing.
posted by sonascope at 8:37 AM on January 2, 2014 [136 favorites]


Did none of you people get scarred by something like the Marsh Spiders from Full Circle (Doctor Who)? The Rock Melon (or cantelope) cracks and the spiders crawl out and CRAWL INTO YOUR MOUTH and TURN YOU INTO MARSH MEN.

I am not kidding, Metafilter, when I say I just figured out why Rock Melon makes me vomit.

I'm going to hide behind my couch for a while.
posted by Mezentian at 8:40 AM on January 2, 2014


sonascope for sidebar
posted by angrycat at 8:44 AM on January 2, 2014 [16 favorites]


There is currently exactly one google hit for the phrase "nozzle for an anteater."

It's a new evolutionary thing, they're becoming biologically adapted for vacuum cleaner attachments.
posted by JHarris at 8:55 AM on January 2, 2014 [3 favorites]


Approaching the transvermilingualist singularity!
posted by Now there are two. There are two _______. at 8:57 AM on January 2, 2014


That motherfucking roach flipped open a pair of wings as big as Belgian endives, launched straight off the wall at me as both I and my panicky naked roommate

Were you tripping?
They know when you are high.
THEY KNOW.
posted by Mezentian at 8:59 AM on January 2, 2014 [1 favorite]


Were you tripping?

Alas, that was eighteen years before my first-ever puff of pot, and I still haven't hit the trippy stuff.

I've always been more drug-adjacent.
posted by sonascope at 9:01 AM on January 2, 2014 [1 favorite]


Well, if you think that was bad: try it high.

(I lived in a similar apartment once. People don't understand when you explain the walls being alive.)
posted by Mezentian at 9:04 AM on January 2, 2014


In a gross way, it was a bit like something at the Exploratorium, and you could put your hands on the wall, wait till the roaches circled them in shambling curiosity, and take them away to leave roachless shadows in hand shapes.
posted by sonascope at 9:08 AM on January 2, 2014 [2 favorites]


....wait till the roaches zombies circled them in shambling curiosity.....

(also....great story, sonascope, as usual!)
posted by HuronBob at 9:13 AM on January 2, 2014


That is just terrifying. Those poor daddy longleggs were just sheltering together trying not to freeze to death and some dude just came along and scattered them to their doom. I mean, think about it. He might do that to anyone!
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 9:26 AM on January 2, 2014 [5 favorites]


and some dude just came along and scattered them to their doom. I mean, think about it.

I know... some people might have used a flamethrower.
posted by Mezentian at 9:30 AM on January 2, 2014 [1 favorite]


Good grief, people will just stick their fingers into anything.
posted by thinkpiece at 9:36 AM on January 2, 2014 [2 favorites]


thinkpiece: "Good grief, people will just stick their fingers into anything."

Tell me about it.
posted by Splunge at 9:42 AM on January 2, 2014 [2 favorites]




Sweet scuttling spiders! It's only the freakin' second of January, and sonascope wins the comment of the year award.


daddy longlegs (longlegses?)

Daddies Longlegs


No, no, it must be daddy longlegses!
posted by BlueHorse at 9:55 AM on January 2, 2014 [1 favorite]


If you spray spiders with 409 cleaner, they melt. Just fyi.
posted by FunkyHelix at 9:58 AM on January 2, 2014


My daughter is terrified of spiders. I can't begin to imagine the scream she'd produce if she came across this thing. You know how people on the other side of the world said they heard the sound when Krakatoa exploded? Yeah...Probably something like that, I think.
posted by Thorzdad at 9:59 AM on January 2, 2014 [3 favorites]


I thought the linked video would be the most unnerving thing I experienced today, but then I read sonascope's comment. Ay yi yi.
posted by biddeford at 9:59 AM on January 2, 2014 [1 favorite]


'Yoinks a pink thing is coming.'

No it's a not!
posted by yoink at 10:03 AM on January 2, 2014 [4 favorites]


Spider surprise aside, why is he stroking a random pubicesque hairball in the first place?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:06 AM on January 2, 2014 [1 favorite]


I always imagine sonascope as a grizzled Tom Waits type, holding up the end of a bar and squinting into his cigarette smoke as he relates these tales of how he has Seen Some Shit.
posted by dogheart at 10:12 AM on January 2, 2014 [11 favorites]


Beautiful. Wow. I had no idea daddy longlegs (not spiders) did that -- are they really gathering to keep warm, or what?
posted by hank at 10:16 AM on January 2, 2014


Spider surprise aside, why is he stroking a random pubicesque hairball in the first place?

Well, without that, bear night at the corner military gay sports cryptographer drag bar would be dull as hell.
posted by sonascope at 10:19 AM on January 2, 2014 [5 favorites]


" the sensation of having a number of wolf spiders climbing around your genitals,"

no no no no-eee mc-no-erson
posted by smidgen at 10:54 AM on January 2, 2014 [2 favorites]


Sonascope... Please, please, please please please write your Great American Novel about your life.

Take. My. Money.
posted by PROD_TPSL at 11:22 AM on January 2, 2014 [8 favorites]


jessamyn: A prize to the person who finds the best accompaniment music for this.

Dramatic Prairie Dog
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:26 AM on January 2, 2014 [1 favorite]


...are they really gathering to keep warm, or what?

Puppy pile.
posted by Thorzdad at 11:48 AM on January 2, 2014 [2 favorites]




I'm not a huge fan of skittery critters but I like to live and let live (not roaches nor scorpions, sorry), redirecting or blocking entrance points as much as possible.

I feared this thread would freak me out (me, who turned around and walked out of the Bug Room saturday once I saw the display of live roaches) but instead I'm sitting here trying not to laugh my ass off - I guess because I am not alone. If I'm laughing at you all, I'm certainly laughing at myself. No less squicked out, but terrified and laughing.
There is currently exactly one google hit for the phrase "[redacted]" Just thought you might like to know.
posted by Now there are two. There are two _______. at 11:19 AM on January 2 [6 favorites +] [!]
posted by tilde at 1:39 PM on January 2, 2014


Meant to add under my blockquote there:

Eponysterical Internet Win
posted by tilde at 1:45 PM on January 2, 2014 [3 favorites]


Metafilter: I'm supportive, but at a terrible price.
posted by chavenet at 2:04 PM on January 2, 2014


Appropriate music, followed by shocked victim squealing. Then the plot moves on to lizards or something.
posted by Namlit at 2:58 PM on January 2, 2014


My soundtrack nomination.
posted by speicus at 3:28 PM on January 2, 2014 [2 favorites]


Oh, susuwatari!
posted by Wretch729 at 4:08 PM on January 2, 2014


oh man that's a typo. should be PUBIC. I've gone from embarrassing myself making typos with 'public' to the other side

The same typo is on the vine page, just in...Spanish? Galician? Portuguese? Anyway it's funny.
posted by Ouisch at 6:26 PM on January 2, 2014


sonascope needs his own subsection in the sidebar
posted by beukeboom at 8:53 AM on January 3, 2014 [6 favorites]


Another option for soundtrack is Tom Waits' Army Ants, which is also informative.
posted by JHarris at 2:28 PM on January 3, 2014


Biting is not the potentiality that makes me insect averse, it's the fear that the thing crawling on and around me is going to enter one of my orifices. That's what insects do! They crawl into and out of holes! I refuse to have my ears, nose, or whatever else be party to such awfulness.

South Zone Ent Research Centre

Presents

The impacted wax
And the impacted insect

(warning: cool jazz triggers)
posted by flabdablet at 10:03 PM on January 3, 2014 [1 favorite]


Katemonkey: (What's the last bit he's saying? It sounds like "no me mas", but I doubt it is because the first bit's in Portuguese, right?)

The guy is speaking in Spanish the whole time. At the end he says "no mames," literally "don't suck," which is Mexican slang for "no way."
posted by Pfardentrott at 2:42 PM on January 4, 2014 [2 favorites]


The impacted wax
And the impacted insect


Wow, that was surprisingly -- relieving -- to watch. That's a lot of crap in one ear.
posted by smidgen at 10:53 AM on January 8, 2014


I could watch impacted wax removal all day, so satisfying.

I may have a problem but at least I don't watch giant zit movies ... anymore.
posted by jessamyn at 1:43 PM on January 8, 2014 [1 favorite]


I don't watch zit popping vids anymore simply because I've seen it all. It's not like someone's back zit is suddenly going to spew out a lost earring or something. With earwax removal, it's always a surprise!
posted by planetesimal at 2:29 PM on January 8, 2014


No. I had to stop this. Far too much stuff coming out of there. Lost your old cell phone? It's probably stuck in your other ear, behind the bottle opener.

(Also, get some tweezers already, all that fiddling and fumbling. Imagine eating oysters that slowly, they'd rot before you could take a bite).
posted by Namlit at 3:13 PM on January 8, 2014 [1 favorite]


Also, now Youtube thinks it can suggest compacted earwax videos to me instead of funny cats and cute dogs. That's pretty disturbing.
posted by Namlit at 3:36 PM on January 9, 2014


Six in one, half dozen the other.
posted by planetesimal at 3:50 PM on January 9, 2014


get some tweezers already, all that fiddling and fumbling. Imagine eating oysters that slowly, they'd rot before you could take a bite

Tweezers vs. nose oyster

(spoiler: tweezers win)
posted by flabdablet at 7:42 AM on January 10, 2014


(spoiler: tweezers win)

tmi already
posted by Namlit at 3:06 PM on January 10, 2014


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