Spoiler Alert
September 22, 2014 12:43 PM   Subscribe

Spoiler Alert You were warned.
posted by cjorgensen (111 comments total) 16 users marked this as a favorite
 
I was all for this and thought it was great until I hit one I hadn't seen yet and am in the middle of watching (the end of Bojack Horseman) and had to nope nope nope my way back here.
posted by Carillon at 12:45 PM on September 22, 2014 [4 favorites]


*SPOILER *

It does what it says on the tin.
posted by blue_beetle at 12:46 PM on September 22, 2014 [2 favorites]


Oh shit! It's not a gimmick! Those are actually spoilers!
posted by bicyclefish at 12:46 PM on September 22, 2014 [13 favorites]


I love spoilers, but this would be way more helpful if they told you the name of the show first and allowed you to opt in or opt out for each.
posted by mochapickle at 12:47 PM on September 22, 2014 [2 favorites]


What are the chances The Crying Game is one of them?
posted by tittergrrl at 12:47 PM on September 22, 2014 [4 favorites]


To be fair, we were warned.
posted by muddgirl at 12:47 PM on September 22, 2014 [24 favorites]


You just gotta hold that mouse over the 'Show me another' link. There were a few there where that button got me out of a lot of nopenopenope trouble.
posted by carsonb at 12:48 PM on September 22, 2014


I am really playing with fire here.
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 12:49 PM on September 22, 2014


I went through about 15... "don't care", "seen it", "don't care", "don't care", "seen it"...then OH NO THAT'S ON MY LIST CLOSE CLOSE CLOSE
posted by Philosopher Dirtbike at 12:50 PM on September 22, 2014 [4 favorites]


I love the Russian Roulette nature of this.
posted by naju at 12:53 PM on September 22, 2014 [13 favorites]


Jane Eyre spolier???

NETFLIX YOU GO TOO FAR.
posted by GuyZero at 12:54 PM on September 22, 2014 [23 favorites]


I'm a clueless spoiler.
posted by charred husk at 12:54 PM on September 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


This is a fantastic resource for all of those shows I started watching a long time ago then gave up on because they got stupid, but I always sort of wondered what happened, but not enough to remember to care enough to look it up on wikipedia months/years later. PRETTY LITTLE LIARS, I'M LOOKIN AT YOU.
posted by phunniemee at 12:54 PM on September 22, 2014 [5 favorites]


I was not warned that it would auto-play sound!
posted by explosion at 12:54 PM on September 22, 2014 [2 favorites]


The Usual Suspects one cuts off before the best part! ANGRY HISS
posted by poffin boffin at 12:54 PM on September 22, 2014


You just gotta hold that mouse over the 'Show me another' link.

what? all i see is javascript:void(0)
posted by poffin boffin at 12:56 PM on September 22, 2014


Plays in such a herky-jerky fashion that I am unable to even spoil myself.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 12:56 PM on September 22, 2014


OH GOD I GOT OLD YELLER
posted by Curious Artificer at 12:57 PM on September 22, 2014 [13 favorites]


About the only effect it had on me is it made me think I might like to watch Revenge because I kinda liked the actress's character in Captain America: The Winter Soldier but wished they'd given her more to do.
posted by George_Spiggott at 1:00 PM on September 22, 2014


I went through about 15... "don't care", "seen it", "don't care", "don't care", "seen it"

For me it was more like "What's that?" "What's… Oh, it says 'Breaking Bad in' the corner." "Hey, I recognize 'Good Morning, Viet Nam'!" "What's that?" "What's that?" "What's that?" &c.

I wish there was a list so I could pick the titles I recognize!
posted by wenestvedt at 1:07 PM on September 22, 2014


THE STONES WERE INSIDE OF THE BLUE OPERA SINGER?!! WHAT THE FU!????????
posted by Fizz at 1:08 PM on September 22, 2014 [2 favorites]


Spoiler Alert
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 1:10 PM on September 22, 2014


Spoiler Alert
posted by leotrotsky at 1:13 PM on September 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


Going through that just saved me a lot of time. Thanks.

Now, if someone could tell me how the final shows of NCIS, NCIS/LA, Criminal Minds, Bones, SOA, and GOT end, I could actually have a life...
posted by HuronBob at 1:15 PM on September 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


KEYSER SÖZE!!!!!!
posted by Devils Rancher at 1:15 PM on September 22, 2014 [2 favorites]


This is a fantastic resource for all of those shows I started watching a long time ago then gave up on because they got stupid, but I always sort of wondered what happened, but not enough to remember to care enough to look it up on wikipedia months/years later. PRETTY LITTLE LIARS, I'M LOOKIN AT YOU.

TAKE IT BACK PHUNNIEMEE, TAKE BACK WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT PRETTY LITTLE LIARS!
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 1:15 PM on September 22, 2014


Got the LOST finale (of all things) on the first shot. That was indeed the spoiler.
posted by Kabanos at 1:15 PM on September 22, 2014 [2 favorites]


It's not lupus.
posted by Devils Rancher at 1:16 PM on September 22, 2014 [8 favorites]


They have a full list of the movies/shows they spoil and let you vote on if the spoiler matters any more or not (and shows you the results) under (spoilers!) Public domain (spoilers!) in the header.

I almost think that wasn't there when I looked at this earlier today?

And yes, they have "The Crying Game".
posted by skynxnex at 1:16 PM on September 22, 2014


Note that I'm not arguing about whether or not it got stupid because it did, that show has gotten real stupid although it's getting back on track, but HOW DARE YOU NOT CARE ENOUGH TO KEEP WATCHING.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 1:16 PM on September 22, 2014


Reader, I*SPOILER ALERT*
posted by bleep at 1:17 PM on September 22, 2014 [2 favorites]


Once upon a time some people met in an almost sickeningly cute way and then there were a series of mishaps and *SPOILER ALERT* it worked out okay in the end.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 1:19 PM on September 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


The Spoiler poll/quiz (skynxnex's link) is even more fun than the original link! For people who are leery, the poll just shows the spoiler and hides the source unless you click a link.
posted by muddgirl at 1:20 PM on September 22, 2014


About the only effect it had on me is it made me think I might like to watch Revenge because I kinda liked the actress's character in Captain America: The Winter Soldier but wished they'd given her more to do.

It's even more fun if you watched Everwood back in the day and can now imagine that Bright and Amy Abbott grew up to just run around the Marvel universe willy-nilly. (Shame that Bright got hit on the head or something and forgot about his real childhood, but he picked up some sweet tunes to compensate so OK.)
posted by rewil at 1:22 PM on September 22, 2014 [4 favorites]


Seems to loop around pretty quickly, either that or the randomization isn't so great. Went back a second time and among a dozen repeats there were two "new"
posted by achrise at 1:22 PM on September 22, 2014


OK well I was wrong about the Jane Eyre spoiler and Holy Shit I suppose I should not have skipped the latest season of Scandal.
posted by bleep at 1:22 PM on September 22, 2014


Needs more Roseledbud
posted by edgeways at 1:24 PM on September 22, 2014 [2 favorites]


Reservoir Dogs spoiler is the best spoiler.
posted by The Bellman at 1:24 PM on September 22, 2014


Trying my best to avoid Passion of the Christ spoilers, so I'm gonna pass on this just in case.
posted by The Card Cheat at 1:26 PM on September 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


Well, to quote Miley "Ain't about what's waiting on the other side/It's the climb." I'm all for spoilers because nothing can detract from the experience of actually watching an entire movie/show/etc.
posted by gem tactics at 1:26 PM on September 22, 2014 [3 favorites]


About the only effect it had on me is it made me think I might like to watch Revenge because I kinda liked the actress's character in Captain America: The Winter Soldier but wished they'd given her more to do.

Oh man, I gave up on Revenge when it went kind of off the rails in season 2 and stopped being about revenging so much, but I heartily recommend the first season. It is so much fun to watch Emily Van Camp go around coolly fucking people's shit up with byzantine and excessive revenge schemes, all the while looking immaculate in expensive designer clothing and smiling sweetly at people as her cold dead shark eyes telegraph MURDER.
posted by yasaman at 1:34 PM on September 22, 2014 [4 favorites]


Kevin Spacey becomes president, are you fucking serious
posted by phaedon at 1:36 PM on September 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


Kevin Spacey becomes president, are you fucking serious

Just wait 'til the end of Season 3, where it turns out Underwood was Keyser Söze all along.
posted by The World Famous at 1:42 PM on September 22, 2014 [4 favorites]


Just wait 'til the end of Season 3, where it turns out Underwood was Keyser Söze all along. And a woman. Who sees dead people.
posted by mcstayinskool at 1:44 PM on September 22, 2014


I love the Russian Roulette nature of this.

It's that sixth click that is the real spoiler.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 1:45 PM on September 22, 2014 [4 favorites]


Just wait 'til the end of Season 3, where it turns out Underwood was Keyser Söze all along. And a woman. Who sees dead people. And was in the house the whole time!
posted by sparklemotion at 1:45 PM on September 22, 2014


Just wait 'til the end of Season 3, where it turns out Underwood was Keyser Söze all along. And a woman. Who sees dead people. And was in the house the whole time! And is your father/mother/creator!
posted by GenjiandProust at 1:50 PM on September 22, 2014 [2 favorites]


GenjiandProust: "Just wait 'til the end of Season 3, where it turns out Underwood was Keyser Söze all along. And a woman. Who sees dead people. And was in the house the whole time! And is your father/mother/creator!"

who is also dead.
posted by boo_radley at 1:55 PM on September 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


WTF GODDAMNIT I WANTED TO WATCH SEASON 2 OF SKINS.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 1:56 PM on September 22, 2014


Kevin Spacey becomes president, are you fucking serious

♬ Uh-oh, looks like someone wasn't watching the BBC series...
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 1:58 PM on September 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


WHY DID YOU CLICK THEN
posted by boo_radley at 1:58 PM on September 22, 2014 [3 favorites]


I love playing with fire. Damn you cjorgensen for handing me a match and a pile of kindling.

So far I'm doing good: there are so many shows that I started, liked for a while, grew to dislike, and moved on ... but still want to know what happened (so far: House of Cards and Desperate Housewives).

Though I know that eventually I'll come to a show I like and won't click the next button fast enough.
posted by kanewai at 2:01 PM on September 22, 2014


I only looked at Which Spoiler Are You? (I'm an impulsive spoiler). http://spoilers.netflix.com/spoiler-profiles/clueless.html

I gave up on Revenge when it went kind of off the rails in season 2

I'm not big on either anti-heroes or soap-style TV shows, but the past week-and-a-half I've been Revengathoning.

At this point I'm bingeviewing & sleep depriving myself thru evermore insanely gaping plotholes primarily because Madeline Stowe. Also, the guy who plays(? ***) Conrad Grayson.

*** SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS
Ahem, while binge-viewing, be careful not to look at 1) Future episode descriptions, or 2) IMDB cast lists. Because then you suddenly see that some actor only appeared in XX episodes. Unless it's a character/ actor you don't like, then one rejoices.
posted by NorthernLite at 2:04 PM on September 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


what? all i see is javascript:void(0)

Sorry, didn't realize I had to print ALL the instructions:

When you get to one you don't want to see, click that fucking link FAST. Keep the mouse hovering over it for EXTRA FAST CLICKING.
posted by carsonb at 2:10 PM on September 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


THE STONES WERE INSIDE OF THE BLUE OPERA SINGER?!! WHAT THE FU!????????

Yeah that was not the spoiler at all. That kind of misses the whole point of the movie. And BTW spoilers generally reveal the ending.

But this inspires me. I will create a new artform of spoilers.

Star Wars IV: "You're too low. Pull up!"
Citizen Kane: "I don't think there's one word that can describe a mans life."
2001: A Space Odyssey: "Deliberately buried. Huh!"
Chinatown: "We're in the middle of a drought, and the water commissioner drowns. Only in L.A."
A Clockwork Orange: "Uh, no time for the ol' in-out, love. I've just come to read the meter!"
Ben-Hur: "Pardon me - you are a stranger here. Would you be from Nazareth?"
Casablanca: "Major Strasser's been shot. Round up the usual suspects."
Lawrence of Arabia: "Shouldn't officers use their initiative at all times?"
posted by charlie don't surf at 2:13 PM on September 22, 2014 [6 favorites]


O Lucky Man still has the best ending, spoiled here, yet so what!
posted by philip-random at 2:13 PM on September 22, 2014


23% say it's "Too Soon" to spoil Great Expectations.
posted by 256 at 2:29 PM on September 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


Isn't calling it Spoiler Alert kind of a spoiler?

I wanted to be surprised!
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:32 PM on September 22, 2014


Despite having never seen it, I already knew the spoiler for My Girl. I just didn't realize it was so campy.
posted by brundlefly at 2:42 PM on September 22, 2014




I wish they'd let me select a list of titles to be spoiled about, then they can show me the clips in a randomized order.
posted by fatehunter at 2:49 PM on September 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


The Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981): A lost ark is raided.
Saving Private Ryan (1998): They save Private Ryan.
Back to the Future (1985): He goes back to the future.
There Will Be Blood (2007): There is blood.
Snakes on a Plane (2006): The plane has snakes on it.
posted by dephlogisticated at 3:08 PM on September 22, 2014 [9 favorites]


Gidget Goes Hawaiian: Gidget goes Hawaiian.
posted by George_Spiggott at 3:22 PM on September 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


Jaws: There are jaws.
posted by brundlefly at 3:23 PM on September 22, 2014


Just wait 'til the end of Season 3, where it turns out Underwood was Keyser Söze all along. And a woman. Who sees dead people. And was in the house the whole time! And is your father/mother/creator, who is also dead.

But was/is pregnant!
posted by Ik ben afgesneden at 3:30 PM on September 22, 2014


JFK (1991): He dies.
Gandhi (1982): He dies.
Lincoln (2012): He dies.
Milk (2008): He dies.
posted by dephlogisticated at 3:31 PM on September 22, 2014 [4 favorites]


Pretty Little Liars: A fake and made-up story that never happened, and those people are all faking. They have totally different names and everything.

Ha ha, that's right. I looked that up on the internet and spoiled it for everyone on purpose.
posted by ernielundquist at 3:35 PM on September 22, 2014


Titanic (1997): The boat sinks.

I know I'm old and out of touch because I hardly recognized half of the TV I was supposed to be worried about spoiling. The movies I was better with, but even some of them were over my head.
posted by immlass at 3:41 PM on September 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


The Pretty Little Liars (a show I have never seen) spoiler was just - some girls! look at another girl!

I think I can live with that knowledge?
posted by Squeak Attack at 3:48 PM on September 22, 2014


What I've gathered about Pretty Little Liars from this thread is that they are pretty, and they are liars.
posted by bleep at 3:50 PM on September 22, 2014


Hunh. Site works fine in linux.
posted by leviathan3k at 3:50 PM on September 22, 2014


darth vader is what
posted by Sebmojo at 3:54 PM on September 22, 2014


Louis... Cypher? ... Lou-isypher? LUCIFER?!?
posted by Devils Rancher at 4:13 PM on September 22, 2014 [4 favorites]


Fantasy Island: Their fantasy doesn't turn out the way they expected it to, it turns out the way they needed it to.
The Love Boat: They find love. On the boat.
posted by George_Spiggott at 4:41 PM on September 22, 2014


Titanic (1997): The boat sinks. Jack is not actually the king of the world.
posted by George_Spiggott at 4:46 PM on September 22, 2014 [2 favorites]


JFK (1991): He dies.
Gandhi (1982): He dies.
Lincoln (2012): He dies.
Milk (2008): He dies.


E.T. (1982): He flies.
posted by leotrotsky at 4:48 PM on September 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


The Good Shepherd (2006): He spies.
posted by leotrotsky at 4:50 PM on September 22, 2014


The Green Mile: Hm.... can't think of anything.
posted by Wolfdog at 5:22 PM on September 22, 2014 [2 favorites]



This is the perfect site for me. I spoil myself all the the time now. I've developed this weird thing that I enjoy stories more when I know what is going to happen. I don't know why I do this. I didn't used to be like this. I think that most of the time I just get to stressed or don't want to deal with the suspense. Knowing that someone is going to die doesn't ruin it for me. It makes me get into it more and it's still upsetting. Just upsetting in a different sort of way then being surprised by it.

Anyone else like this? Or have some sort of explanation of why this is?
posted by Jalliah at 5:49 PM on September 22, 2014 [2 favorites]


I just lost. Time to stop playing the game.

I was doing so well with shows that I don't intend to ever finish ...

Lost
American Psycho
Twin Peaks
Battlestar Galactica
House of Cards 2


... this was awesome for awhile. And then Orange is the New Black Season 2 came up and I didn't click "next" fast enough. And now I can't un-see what I saw. Damn.
posted by kanewai at 5:56 PM on September 22, 2014


There was some research pop-psychology piece a few years ago that found knowing the ending disnt lower your enjoyment of media, only altered it. Knowing the plot twists lets you anticipate and enjoy the skill with how they're shown, rather than being distracted by suspense. I wholeheartedly spoil myself for media now and enjoy it far more.
posted by viggorlijah at 6:05 PM on September 22, 2014 [2 favorites]



Titanic (1997): The boat sinks. Jack is not actually the king of the world.


Titanic (1997): Rose does in fact let go.
posted by poffin boffin at 6:22 PM on September 22, 2014 [2 favorites]


Watching the Battlestar Galactica scene just pissed me off all over again.

"They have a plan," my ass. I bet that plan didn't originally involve a cameo of Ron Moore reading a magazine.
posted by bibliowench at 6:30 PM on September 22, 2014 [2 favorites]


Despite having never seen it, I already knew the spoiler for My Girl. I just didn't realize it was so campy.
posted by brundlefly at 4:42 PM on September 22 [+] [!]


There was a fly in the teleporter!
posted by cjorgensen at 6:34 PM on September 22, 2014 [3 favorites]



I just pretend that the end of Battlestar doesn't exist. In my world the series was cut off before it could be finished.
posted by Jalliah at 6:36 PM on September 22, 2014


Holy Shit I suppose I should not have skipped the latest season of Scandal.

That spoiler is very misleading. Very.
posted by fuse theorem at 6:49 PM on September 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


I just pretend that the end of Battlestar doesn't exist. In my world the series was cut off before it could be finished.

I loved the ending of BSG. I know I was the only one.

Your theory is how I handle LOST.
posted by cjorgensen at 6:54 PM on September 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


The Green Mile: Hm.... can't think of anything.

It turns out the whole part about it being a mile long is just a metaphor. Boom.
posted by The World Famous at 7:23 PM on September 22, 2014


Rosebud was a ghost the whole time? Damn.
posted by uosuaq at 7:41 PM on September 22, 2014


GOSH DARN IT Gilligan, now we'll never Get off this island!
posted by Devils Rancher at 7:59 PM on September 22, 2014


There was some research pop-psychology piece a few years ago that found knowing the ending disnt lower your enjoyment of media, only altered it.

That's so completely not true of me. Once I'm spoiled for something, I have no interest in watching or reading it. And if I do end up watching or reading, I don't pay very close attention and never lose myself in the fiction. I just sit there going, "Oh yeah. There's that part. Oh and that one. Yup. Ho hum."
posted by Squeak Attack at 8:06 PM on September 22, 2014


I loved the ending of BSG. I know I was the only one.

I also thought it was quite good. It was only the final scene that annoyed me.
posted by 256 at 8:16 PM on September 22, 2014


There is a smugness that comes from being caught up on all the programs you're really invested in. I flipped through this with just such a smugness.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 8:55 PM on September 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


It was too hard to find actual movie quotes so I'll just have to improvise more bad spoilers:

LOTR: The Return of the King: Gollum takes the ring back from Frodo.
Dr. Strangelove: Mandrake finds the code to recall the bombers.
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid: They decide to go to Australia.
Network: The Mao Tse Tung Hour gets renewed for a second season.
The Pride of the Yankees: Lou breaks the MLB record for consecutive games played.
posted by charlie don't surf at 9:23 PM on September 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


Soylent is people.
posted by philip-random at 12:23 AM on September 23, 2014


It's a link to popular Hollywood TV shows and movies. The warning should be that some might not contain people in various states of death or dying.
posted by cjorgensen at 5:58 AM on September 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


They are currently spoiling:

'5th_element', 'american_psycho', 'hoc_1', 'ghost_busters', 'asingleman', 'twin_peaks_1', 'usual_suspects_1', 'pretty_little_liars', 'world_war_z_1', 'battletoads_galactica', 'revenge_2_1', 'jane_eyre', 'kill_bill_01', 'bojack_alternate', 'hunger_games_1', 'lost_1', 'my_girl', 'resevoir_dogs', 'revenge_1_1', 'forrest_gump', 'breakingbads5', 'scandal_season_3', 'devil', 'greys_anatomy_1', 'hoc_s2_train', 'the_graduate', 'primal_fear', 'breaking_bad_s04', 'gmv_1', 'rocky', 'skins_02', 'oitnb_s02', 'old_yeller', 'breaking_bad_s5_1', 'desperate_midwives'

where "hoc" is "House of Cards" and "gmv" is "Good Morning Vietnam".

Source: view source
posted by KMB at 6:22 AM on September 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


battletoads_galactica?

I would totally watch that show!
posted by cjorgensen at 6:36 AM on September 23, 2014 [5 favorites]


The Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981): A lost ark is raided.

Sorry, Nazis. In movie spoilers, lost ark raids you.
posted by straight at 7:31 AM on September 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


There was some research pop-psychology piece a few years ago that found knowing the ending disnt lower your enjoyment of media, only altered it.

It did no such thing. It asked a few undergraduates to read some literary stories (which may have been over their heads) and found that a very slim majority enjoyed the stories more if they were told the ending ahead of time.

By that logic, the box office results "prove" Transformers 4 was a more enjoyable movie than Guardians of the Galaxy.
posted by straight at 7:55 AM on September 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


I wholeheartedly spoil myself for media now and enjoy it far more.

I do this too…by watching it the first time.

I'm not someone who cares about spoilers one way or another, but generally I try to avoid them. If I do see one I don't get too bent out of shape. Sometimes knowing is nice though.

Take the above Guardians of the Galaxy; the first time I watched it I had a hard time figuring out who was going to be bad, who was going to be good, who I'd seen before, and who all were new. (I also spent too much time trying to decide if there was any chance the blue woman would get with the green woman.) The second time I watched it I felt a lot of the scenes were better earned. Some of the bonding that seemed to not be foreshadowed at all was a lot more obvious and a lot of the fight stuff that went by too fast the first time was more entertaining because I knew where to watch now.

This is also how I read books. The first time for the story, the second time for the craft and the lines and to see the foreshadowing I forgot about or missed the first time.
posted by cjorgensen at 9:33 AM on September 23, 2014


I also spent too much time trying to decide if there was any chance the blue woman would get with the green woman.

Game of Thrones has ruined a generation.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 10:19 AM on September 23, 2014


I have come to the conclusion that this site is pure evil.
posted by pjenks at 4:19 PM on September 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


You could at least give a spoiler alert before telling us your conclusion, pjenks. Sheesh.
posted by The World Famous at 1:41 PM on September 24, 2014


By that logic, the box office results "prove" Transformers 4 was a more enjoyable movie than Guardians of the Galaxy.

To be fair, my enjoyment of not watching Transformers 4 eclipses my enjoyment of watching Guardians of the Galaxy, because, while Guardians of the Galaxy was an enjoyable film, my enjoyment of not watching Transformers 4 is infinite, and the first enjoyment will fade with memory, while the second arises fresh each day, just as infinite.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:44 AM on September 26, 2014 [1 favorite]


What we should really be looking at are the numbers reflecting how much money everything in the world (whether movies or anything else) that is not Transformers 4 made during the time that Transformers 4 was in theaters. Using that number - total global consumer spending minus the Transformers 4 box office - we can ascertain the total entertainment value of not seeing Transformers 4.

If the box office results for Transformers 4 turn out to be less than 50% of total global consumer spending during that timeframe, we can only logically conclude that not seeing Transformers 4 is more enjoyable than seeing Transformers 4.

Science.
posted by The World Famous at 11:50 AM on September 26, 2014 [2 favorites]


What we should really be looking at are the numbers reflecting how much money everything in the world (whether movies or anything else) that is not Transformers 4 made during the time that Transformers 4 was in theaters. Using that number - total global consumer spending minus the Transformers 4 box office - we can ascertain the total entertainment value of not seeing Transformers 4.

I applaud your attempt to bring science's gimlet eye to this pressing issue, but your methodology leaves out all the people who saw Transformers 4 but experienced regret, deep regret, deep lasting regret, trauma, deep lasting trauma, flashbacks, boredom, nausea, existential crisis, Existentialism, horror, lasting horror, tremors, bleeding, and/or death as a result. Surely the fact that they paid for the experience shouldn't put them automatically in the "for" column.
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:05 AM on September 27, 2014


but your methodology leaves out all the people who saw Transformers 4 but experienced regret, deep regret, deep lasting regret, trauma, deep lasting trauma, flashbacks, boredom, nausea, existential crisis, Existentialism, horror, lasting horror, tremors, bleeding, and/or death as a result

You're rubbing up against the classic problem in utilitarianism of how to weigh different levels of suffering and pleasure. What if there were a hypothetical person who enjoyed Transformers 4 so much that his pleasure was greater than the sum of all the pain and suffering you describe? In that nightmare universe, utilitarianism would indicate that making and releasing Transformers 4 would actually be considered a morally good action.
posted by straight at 9:00 PM on September 27, 2014 [1 favorite]


Indeed, the only morally good action.
posted by The World Famous at 11:28 AM on September 29, 2014


I didn't realize that we were discussing an SF universe even less believable than that of the Transformers franchise....
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:17 PM on September 29, 2014


Well, in our world, there seem to be a whole lot of people who find movies like Transformers 4 at least a tiny bit more pleasurable than painful, possibly so many that their aggregate "pleasure" is greater than the sum of all the horrific suffering felt by the unfortunate wretches exposed to the movie who felt as you or I might have.

That's the kind of morally bankrupt math used in the "Spoilers make stories better!" study I was complaining about.
posted by straight at 8:40 AM on September 30, 2014


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