For Oprah, the bracelet glows the purest white.
October 3, 2014 1:56 PM   Subscribe

 
Reads article and replaces every instance of the word "Oprah" with "Prince".

Better.
posted by Fizz at 2:07 PM on October 3, 2014 [3 favorites]


Hmmm... nothing about bees. This lady may have been conned by Pseudoprah.
posted by XMLicious at 2:11 PM on October 3, 2014 [4 favorites]


Sounds rather Dante-esque to me. *shudder*
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 2:16 PM on October 3, 2014


I did not read every single word of that article. That was just impossible. The only information I was seeking was not salient. Do the lower level performers, like the cancer-survivor-author speaker guy, get paid a big fee for their work? Or do they do it for free for the exposure? Or do they have to pay a fee for the exposure?
posted by bukvich at 3:04 PM on October 3, 2014


I now have a new vision of hell. *shudders*
posted by Measured Out my Life in Coffeespoons at 3:06 PM on October 3, 2014 [4 favorites]


I found interesting the process of inclusion and exclusion, the making of spaces for euphoria. You know, while reading the article I kept picturing Maenads and religious euphoria.
posted by jadepearl at 3:11 PM on October 3, 2014 [6 favorites]


Yeah, like the CRAZY KILLER MAENAD from True Blood, maybe.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 3:33 PM on October 3, 2014


I want to learn more about these bracelets that apparently have some kind of transceiver and RGB LEDs so you can light them up different colors from a distance. Does anybody know what they're called? I can't believe that they were designed and manufactured exclusively for Oprah conventions.
posted by LiteOpera at 3:33 PM on October 3, 2014 [5 favorites]


I thought it was fascinating.

I am pretty far outside the cult of Oprah - I have a low tolerance for New Age spirituality, and I think the last time I actually watched anything of hers was back was when she was competing with Rickey Lake for viewers. It was a long time ago in a land far away.

But charismatic speakers can help groups of people reach a transcendental moment. People are having honest emotional experiences at the Oprah Show (or whatever it's called). And for once, the focus is on personal empowerment rather than submission to a mega church. This is a good thing in my book.

Sounds rather Dante-esque to me. *shudder*
I now have a new vision of hell. *shudders*

She had 15,000 women holding hands and dancing in their seats by mid-morning. If I had to go to hell, if I believed in hell, this sounds like one of the better circles.
posted by kanewai at 3:35 PM on October 3, 2014 [24 favorites]


I want to learn more about these bracelets that apparently have some kind of transceiver and RGB LEDs so you can light them up different colors from a distance. Does anybody know what they're called? I can't believe that they were designed and manufactured exclusively for Oprah conventions.

I'm still R'ingTFA, but that sounds like the circuitry from the Mickey Mouse ears/hats sold at Disneyland.
The ears glow and change colour randomly, but when watching the evening show, all the ears in the crowd synchronize their colours and lights under control of an external override and become part of the show.
I assume the receiver is just an IR sensor - dirt cheap, robust, low power, simple to use, can even allow data protocols, etc.
posted by anonymisc at 3:40 PM on October 3, 2014 [2 favorites]


Reading this i was very torn between the empowerment thing and the SPEND MONEY TO FEEL CLOSER TO YOUR IDOLS!!! thing. thought the author handled the subject hilariously though.

It's a similar feeling to what I got when I went to a star trek convention and paid to have my picture taken with famous people. Cool and unique experience related to a thing I like a lot! but ultimately a kind of gross feeling of "this is so obviously happening because it is a cash cow."
posted by ghostbikes at 3:41 PM on October 3, 2014 [2 favorites]


I remember Kathy Griffin saying that she admired Oprah [as I do] but that Oprah thought she was Jesus - give it a few hundred years I guess.
posted by vapidave at 3:43 PM on October 3, 2014


I guess I ultimately fall on kanewai's side though, the personal empowerment for mostly older women and stay at home moms (blatant generalization, correct me if I'm wrong?) is pretty awesome. and Oprah is pretty much a rock star, she is obviously going to be selling the equivalent of T-shirts and albums to her legions of adoring fans. I guess it would be more weird if she *didn't* sell stuff.
posted by ghostbikes at 3:46 PM on October 3, 2014 [1 favorite]


The bracelets sound like a cross between the light-up vibrating coasters that tell you when your table is ready and the coins that Hermione makes for Dumbledore's army, which is to say this is a technology I approve of.
posted by NoraReed at 3:47 PM on October 3, 2014 [3 favorites]


I ask if I can attend the meet and greet: “It took a ten-day security-clearance process for people who bought tickets. So, no.”

Did anyone else read this and wonder idly how they'd fare in a ten-day security clearance process to meet Oprah? Sounds like it'd be easier just to move to Switzerland, get a job in a boutique and then refuse to show her a handbag.
posted by George_Spiggott at 4:11 PM on October 3, 2014 [13 favorites]


Really cool article. I thoroughly enjoyed learning about something so far out of my wheelhouse.
posted by Aranquis at 5:11 PM on October 3, 2014 [2 favorites]


i remember seeing Oprah doing bits on the local evening news... didn't realize she would become the messiah.

also I'm old...
posted by ennui.bz at 7:07 PM on October 3, 2014


As I read all my brain kept saying was "What? No. I just. No. Can't. Run. Leave now. AAAAAGH."

So yeah, for me? Hell. If some people are made happy with it, that's ok; they could be spending that money on booze and blow, might as well give it to Oprah and join into an amorphous group-mind of syncopated emotions and manipulated emotional highs. Just like the church revivals I was dragged to as a child. It's a free country, after all.

Me, I'll just be be far far away, not doing that.
posted by emjaybee at 8:04 PM on October 3, 2014 [3 favorites]


Can we please send Oprah on a one way ticket to some celestial body? She'd love the attention, and the Earth would be a better place once her consumables ran out.
posted by InsertNiftyNameHere at 8:05 PM on October 3, 2014 [1 favorite]


If you want to make big money and power, start a religion. Better Oprah than Kim, I guess.

the personal empowerment for mostly older women and stay at home moms is pretty awesome

I think it is a varient of Large Group Awareness Training. Which, meh. There is no magic.

She provides a week-end long emotional extravaganza. It's entertainment and a celebration of consuming. A chance to cut loose and imagine differently. Adventure tourism. Guided experience.
posted by five fresh fish at 9:39 PM on October 3, 2014


hah, so it's a Silicon Valley event minus the tech?
posted by ghostbikes at 10:07 PM on October 3, 2014 [6 favorites]


"I notice those who don't believe in uniting with a church or organization. I notice ya'll use electric lights - that's organized! If it wasn't, you'd be electrocuted. " -- Aimee Semple McPherson
posted by MonkeyToes at 5:45 AM on October 4, 2014 [2 favorites]


As personal growth gurus go*, I'm a fan of Iyanla Vanzant. Probably, 60% of what she says is not crap, and she's entertaining.Interesting to see she got some stage time and the author liked her. Wonder if Oprah is grooming Iyanla to be the next Oprah? I just don't think Gayle is that popular. And Iyanla is a great name.

*I know not an illustrious bunch to start with.
posted by bluefly at 7:08 AM on October 4, 2014


Oprah thought she was Jesus - give it a few hundred years I guess.

Didn't Futurama do this?
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 9:45 AM on October 4, 2014 [1 favorite]


Gotta go out and earn that dollar seeing that her cable network hasn't exactly been setting the ratings charts on fire.
posted by PenDevil at 9:52 AM on October 4, 2014


I really admire Oprah, but her show/fans/cult freaks me out. I would've loved to go there with this chick, though: she seems awesome.
posted by sfkiddo at 9:57 AM on October 4, 2014 [1 favorite]


99 bucks was the cheapest admission price?

Good show, Oprah! That'll keep the riff-raff out.
posted by merelyglib at 11:19 AM on October 4, 2014


Great delve into the world of Oprah crap. Timely too, as my therapist of 4 years is leaving and when picking out someone else to help me stated "Don't worry. I made sure they don't do that Oprah crap."

Oprah crap and her cult of personality has been my litmus test of therapists for years. That and "The Secret".

I tend to also stereotype the Oprah crap as belonging to that " I am every woman " style of new age therapy woo that makes me and my female presenting gender queer self cringe.
posted by kanata at 6:58 PM on October 4, 2014 [2 favorites]


I want to learn more about these bracelets that apparently have some kind of transceiver and RGB LEDs so you can light them up different colors from a distance. Does anybody know what they're called? I can't believe that they were designed and manufactured exclusively for Oprah conventions.

There is a thing for that which ironically works better with horrible spelling. You'll be unsurpried to find out the bracelets are a commodity and can be RFID enabled. They are controlled by IR (bonus point for anonymisc) and can be alternately formed into fobs or beads or beach balls. Also they apparently can be put into motion-sensitive standalone mode at the conclusion of the event. [/pepsiblue]
posted by Ogre Lawless at 7:38 AM on October 5, 2014 [3 favorites]


When I saw the ads for this I wonder if I should let my mum know. She is a MAJOR Oprah fan - I was raised on the show and now my entire extended family calls me Oprah (a) in retaliation to me calling an aunt Gloria after her resemblance to Ms. Estefan but also (b) because I've done work in the media and apparently have a lot in common with Oprah.

Given that it was her show that made my mother warm up to LGBTQ people and be able deal well with me coming out to her, I have a soft spot for Oprah.
posted by divabat at 11:18 AM on October 5, 2014


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