Makes log splitting obsolete

November 2, 2014 4:08 AM

If you've always wanted a wood-burning heating stove but can't be bothered to actually chop wood, your search is at an end. Perfect for that friend who has everything.
posted by zardoz (37 comments total)

This is what the Bond villain uses when he wants to make the log talk.
posted by Rhomboid at 4:31 AM on November 2, 2014 [3 favorites]

No, Mr. Rhomboid, he expects the log to die.
posted by kyrademon at 4:33 AM on November 2, 2014 [23 favorites]

Chopping wood is fun! Why steal all the exercise from it? Then when you sit by your crackly fire you know you've earned it by playing outside with sharp tools in the crisp air full of the scent of wood sap?
posted by winna at 4:47 AM on November 2, 2014 [6 favorites]

I'd have build an addition to the house just to make room for the "log".
posted by Thorzdad at 4:47 AM on November 2, 2014 [2 favorites]

I'd have build an addition to the house just to make room for the "log".

no need, just cut a large enough hole in the wall and feed it in from the outside
posted by ennui.bz at 4:52 AM on November 2, 2014 [1 favorite]

"Martens admits that the Spruce Stove requires more attention than a simpler alternative"

This is so impractical on so many levels... Until it self feeds....

Thanks but no thanks... I'll stick with my trusty little wood stove which is safer, easier to use and probably more efficient.
posted by HuronBob at 4:56 AM on November 2, 2014 [2 favorites]

my trusty little wood stove which is safer, easier to use and probably more efficient.

But less hipster.

*puts on green-framed sunglasses and walks away*
posted by RolandOfEld at 5:03 AM on November 2, 2014 [1 favorite]

Martens admits that the Spruce Stove requires more attention than a simpler alternative, still he is adamant that it’s not dangerous. Many incorrectly assume that flames will leap forth when the iris opens, yet in practice the draft pulls the fire in and the front face is cool to the touch less than an hour after the fire is extinguished.

If your goal is to burn wood: mission accomplished. But if your goal is to heat a house: fail.
posted by blue_beetle at 5:05 AM on November 2, 2014 [1 favorite]

In related news the EPA challenge for wood burning stoves has promoted some amazingly efficient (93..82%) designs that look boring (sorry design wankers) but use three-stage combustion to produce clear smokeless stack gases and less PM2.5. Awesome innovations.
posted by anthill at 5:10 AM on November 2, 2014 [15 favorites]

A friend of mine recently rebuilt her adobe house and installed a rocket stove very similar to this one. A neat, highly efficient concept.
posted by HuronBob at 5:13 AM on November 2, 2014 [4 favorites]

The Wittus Twinfire is pretty design wank-y while burning 93% efficient. The marketing materials are a bit painful but look at the pretty fire(s)!
posted by anthill at 5:20 AM on November 2, 2014 [3 favorites]

I hate to be a party pooper, but wood smoke is terrible for you
posted by sonic meat machine at 5:33 AM on November 2, 2014 [1 favorite]

I hate to be a party pooper, but wood smoke is terrible for you

Hence the push for ridiculously efficient and clean burning stoves, as linked just above. My last house had a modern wood stove with a catalytic element, and it could keep a fire burning on the lowest setting for almost 24 hours.

The stove in the FPP is pretty and would make a great centerpiece for a bar or restaurant, but is obviously not really meant for your average house. (I'm also curious what happens if you stop pushing the log into the stove -- do you fill the room with smoke from the smoldering stub?)
posted by Dip Flash at 5:56 AM on November 2, 2014 [3 favorites]

Chopping wood too laborious and tedious for you? Why not try meticulously skinning whole trees, carrying them somehow into your house, hanging them from hooks on the wall and feeding them into your stove a bit at a time with the help of a special crane. Problem solved!
posted by mrjohnmuller at 6:08 AM on November 2, 2014 [23 favorites]

Do urban design aficionados really know how to chop, skin and transport whole trees? I feel like they really didn't research their target audience.
posted by julie_of_the_jungle at 6:15 AM on November 2, 2014 [1 favorite]

This is probably old news for the log-splitting crew, but this axe would go a long way towards helping my aversion to wood splitting. There are some videos of this in use; impressive. Of course, I don't dislike it to the $x00 + shipping threshold.

http://vipukirves.fi/
posted by GhostRider at 6:23 AM on November 2, 2014 [1 favorite]

Why not just get a log splitter?
posted by LionIndex at 6:25 AM on November 2, 2014

Kinetic log splitters.
posted by MonkeyToes at 6:51 AM on November 2, 2014

> I hate to be a party pooper, but wood smoke is terrible for you

This is part of why modern wood heaters are designed around building small, intense fires that combust as thoroughly as possible. The rocket heater HuronBob linked to above has claims that its second-stage chamber burns the smoke itself so that it only exhausts CO₂ and moisture. That sounds a bit too perfect, but once you're talking about stoves in the 90% efficiency range, the particulate content of the exhaust is going to drop significantly because from the stove's point of view that stuff is wasted combustible material.

There's also less human effort and less impact on forests to not have to cut down so many trees just for burning in wood stoves.

The stove in the OP satisfies none of those needs, although it looks like just the space heater you want for your industrial music nightclub in northern Finland.
posted by ardgedee at 6:54 AM on November 2, 2014 [3 favorites]

I once read the Scientific American book on Fire. The first chapters have some interesting details on the early efforts to make a more efficient and less smokey stove.
posted by benito.strauss at 7:12 AM on November 2, 2014

This is probably old news for the log-splitting crew

Old news for MeFi, certainly.
posted by zamboni at 7:23 AM on November 2, 2014

"Martens is adamant that the stove is not dangerous."

Or at least he values the power of assertion over actual evidence, which he would provide if there were any. (I think it's probably safe too - I just thought that was an entertaining section heading.)
posted by sneebler at 7:28 AM on November 2, 2014

My grandfather - who grew up dirt poor in rural Nova Scotia in the 30s and 40s - had a story from his childhood about a family too lazy to split their wood. They used to feed six-foot lengths into the kitchen stove through the hole that would normally be used for taking out ashes. The other end of the log sat on a kitchen chair which was pushed closer and closer as the log burned down.

There was a story about the lady of that house making bread. She started with hands that were rather black from the soot, but sparkling clean when the dough was ready for the pan.

My grandfather had a lot of stories.
posted by Brodiggitty at 7:37 AM on November 2, 2014 [8 favorites]

I see how the draft would pull the fire and smoke away sideways at steady-state conditions. How do you start it? What stops the fire from burning straight up when everything is cold?
posted by ctmf at 7:48 AM on November 2, 2014

> Chopping wood is fun! Why steal all the exercise from it? Then when you sit by your crackly fire you know you've earned it by playing outside with sharp tools in the crisp air full of the scent of wood sap?

We'll see how you feel in another few decades. I buy pre-chopped wood by the cord and I enjoy the crackly fire just fine, thank you very much.
posted by languagehat at 7:51 AM on November 2, 2014 [4 favorites]

3, 2, 1, closed on the edit window, damn it.

I meant how do you start that rocket mass heater, not the one in the post.
posted by ctmf at 7:55 AM on November 2, 2014

When I was a kid, my sisters and I would load up our plastic sleds with split logs from the wood pile and drag them to the house. Total pain in the ass, although it's kind of a cute memory. I'm now imagining us having to do the same thing, but with an entire tree. It's much more harrowing, but also much funnier.
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 8:08 AM on November 2, 2014 [1 favorite]

I had a roommate who would stick one end of long logs into the fireplace and shove them in as they burned. Occasionally he would fall asleep and the house would fill with smoke. Which didn't seem to bother him at all.

He was a fireman.
posted by Killick at 8:41 AM on November 2, 2014 [1 favorite]

Brodiggitty: You should write those stories down and publish or post them!
posted by fgdmorr at 9:04 AM on November 2, 2014 [1 favorite]

We'll see how you feel in another few decades. I buy pre-chopped wood by the cord and I enjoy the crackly fire just fine, thank you very much.

I do take your point, mr hat.

Buying pre-chopped cords is far more sensible than the creation in the OP, though.
posted by winna at 9:08 AM on November 2, 2014

All you need is a 1992 Civic and a lack of self-preservation.
posted by machaus at 11:29 AM on November 2, 2014 [9 favorites]

That's a great video, but man, the sound of the wood continuously straining and cracking and crunching over top of a gasoline engine straining is some nightmare fuel, making me think "what would it sound like if a person fell into an industrial trash compactor?"
posted by Rhomboid at 2:25 PM on November 2, 2014

I wish I could find a photo of this. The Aguaruna who live in rural Peru and Ecuador place three huge logs at 120-degree angles and have a fire going constantly where their tips meet. They slowly push each log in closer as it burns. Often they rest a cooking pot at the juncture of the three logs.

Here's a woman in Zambia cooking with a similar fire.
posted by straight at 2:48 PM on November 2, 2014 [1 favorite]

The Civic video is the most hypnotic thing I've seen all month.
posted by zardoz at 5:40 PM on November 2, 2014 [1 favorite]

at the end the designer says "i wish you could see, hear, and feel this furnace." Does he not have a video camera in his hand? doesn't the reporter he's talking to, or that took the (blurry) pictures of the stove?
posted by garlic at 8:12 PM on November 2, 2014

The Civic video is basically just one roll of duct tape short of a Red Green sketch

There's a moment in the video where his shin gets perilously close to the rotating spike and I cringed at the thought of what would happen if it grabbed your clothes.
posted by Dip Flash at 9:07 PM on November 2, 2014 [1 favorite]

I buy pre-chopped wood by the cord and I enjoy the crackly fire just fine, thank you very much.
--posted by languagehat

I buy chopped wood, but can't for the life of me find any pre-chopped wood.
Is that just logs, but more expensive?
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:03 AM on November 3, 2014