Snap, Crackle and Pop!
December 15, 2014 3:32 AM Subscribe
In an area of London that already boasts a cat cafe and a 3d printer cafe, two bearded twin brothers have opened the Cereal Killer Cafe that serves only breakfast cereal.
Channel 4 News gave them a bit of hard time for charging £3.50 for a bowl of cereal in one of the poorest London boroughs. The owners have struck back with an open letter to the station and apparently customers have been queuing round the block. And, among others, they now have a perhaps unlikely champion... step forward Boris Johnston!
Channel 4 News gave them a bit of hard time for charging £3.50 for a bowl of cereal in one of the poorest London boroughs. The owners have struck back with an open letter to the station and apparently customers have been queuing round the block. And, among others, they now have a perhaps unlikely champion... step forward Boris Johnston!
It fits right in with the shops on either side: The•Rap•Ist, which offers counselling, and a podiatrist whose clinic is called Ped•O•File.
posted by Joe in Australia at 4:25 AM on December 15, 2014 [10 favorites]
posted by Joe in Australia at 4:25 AM on December 15, 2014 [10 favorites]
This has been a thing at least since 2009. Looks like they're down to only two locations now.
posted by Thorzdad at 4:48 AM on December 15, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by Thorzdad at 4:48 AM on December 15, 2014 [2 favorites]
I have never, ever understood the breakfast cereal restaurant concept. Is it that pouring cereal into a bowl is so tedious you would gladly pay a premium price to spare yourself the difficultly? In the past, have you often passed restaurants when a sudden craving for a bowl of something crunchy and room temperature struck you, but nothing could satisfy you? Do you like cereal, but not enough to keep a box of it around in the house? What is the attraction?
posted by kyrademon at 4:50 AM on December 15, 2014 [4 favorites]
posted by kyrademon at 4:50 AM on December 15, 2014 [4 favorites]
Now that is f'ing twee.
posted by spitbull at 4:53 AM on December 15, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by spitbull at 4:53 AM on December 15, 2014 [2 favorites]
"Forget it, Jake. It's Hackney"
posted by Optamystic at 4:54 AM on December 15, 2014 [6 favorites]
posted by Optamystic at 4:54 AM on December 15, 2014 [6 favorites]
I think part of the appeal is the selection, along with the mixing of cereal, milk, and toppings; look at the menu for the London restaurant, which has a cocktail menu of a couple cereals mixed together with a specific type of milk. It's not unlike frozen yogurt places, none of which offer anything I can't get at home, but which offer a level of choice that I can't keep in my house.
I'd also offer that the appeal of the concept is profoundly limited. My city had one and it lasted months and then closed, I never saw too many people in it. I think the concept works a theoretical level (people like mix and match customization restaurants, and nostalgia is big right now), but on a practical level not that many people actually want to eat there.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 5:04 AM on December 15, 2014 [3 favorites]
I'd also offer that the appeal of the concept is profoundly limited. My city had one and it lasted months and then closed, I never saw too many people in it. I think the concept works a theoretical level (people like mix and match customization restaurants, and nostalgia is big right now), but on a practical level not that many people actually want to eat there.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 5:04 AM on December 15, 2014 [3 favorites]
> "It's not unlike frozen yogurt places, none of which offer anything I can't get at home, but which offer a level of choice that I can't keep in my house."
That does make sense. But it's also true that while I can think of many occasions where I have been walking around and gone, "You know what would be great right now? A gelato! (or similar)", I can't ever recall walking around and going, "You know what would be great right now? Cereal!" Which may be why, as you also point out, such places seem not to last very long in general.
Still, if they're going to last anywhere, I'd guess a big metropolis would be the likeliest place. There may be a big enough concentration of customized cereal lovers among the teeming millions to keep them in business.
posted by kyrademon at 5:12 AM on December 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
That does make sense. But it's also true that while I can think of many occasions where I have been walking around and gone, "You know what would be great right now? A gelato! (or similar)", I can't ever recall walking around and going, "You know what would be great right now? Cereal!" Which may be why, as you also point out, such places seem not to last very long in general.
Still, if they're going to last anywhere, I'd guess a big metropolis would be the likeliest place. There may be a big enough concentration of customized cereal lovers among the teeming millions to keep them in business.
posted by kyrademon at 5:12 AM on December 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
3 pounds 50 for a bowl of cereal is ridiculous in any neighborhood, let alone in a low-income area. Kinda underlines the gimmicky, fly-by-night nature of this venture.
That said, I'd probably pay that for a bowl of original recipe Corn Pops - the big, fluffy, oily kernels in a foil bag kind. Miss you, woefully unhealthy greasey puffs. :(
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 5:14 AM on December 15, 2014 [3 favorites]
That said, I'd probably pay that for a bowl of original recipe Corn Pops - the big, fluffy, oily kernels in a foil bag kind. Miss you, woefully unhealthy greasey puffs. :(
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 5:14 AM on December 15, 2014 [3 favorites]
Yeah it's not like people are going "oh god serving myself cereal is such a hassle". It's about the variety - they have all kinds of weird brands from the US, Asia, etc. Cereals which are ubiquitous in the US are usually either impossible to buy in the UK, or, where available, cost £5+ for a box from speciality shops which have imported them.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 5:19 AM on December 15, 2014 [4 favorites]
posted by EndsOfInvention at 5:19 AM on December 15, 2014 [4 favorites]
have you never been high at 11am on a tuesday and think oh its breakfast time, i forgot about that - oh i think not
posted by lalochezia at 5:21 AM on December 15, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by lalochezia at 5:21 AM on December 15, 2014 [2 favorites]
a soulless imitation of American hipster trends five years after any possible relevance.
Should've done an oatmeal bar instead.
posted by MartinWisse at 5:23 AM on December 15, 2014
Should've done an oatmeal bar instead.
posted by MartinWisse at 5:23 AM on December 15, 2014
Flaky concept.
posted by Segundus at 5:27 AM on December 15, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by Segundus at 5:27 AM on December 15, 2014 [3 favorites]
a soulless imitation of American hipster trends five years after any possible relevance.
I agree. What they need to do is long-tail this thing and set up and extra wing for an old timey barbershop.
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 5:32 AM on December 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
I agree. What they need to do is long-tail this thing and set up and extra wing for an old timey barbershop.
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 5:32 AM on December 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
Describing it as a part of one of the poorest boroughs in London is misleading, if technically correct. Brick Lane is getting really gentrified really quickly, it's only a ten minute walk to Shoreditch High Street, which is the most hipsterified place in England, and only a 15 minute walk to Liverpool Street, which is where all the bankers work.
posted by Ned G at 5:34 AM on December 15, 2014 [7 favorites]
posted by Ned G at 5:34 AM on December 15, 2014 [7 favorites]
Meanwhile, the Somerville restaurant that specialized in a vast selection of British breakfast food was just closed by the CDC due to a sharp rise in heart disease clustered around Davis Square.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 5:34 AM on December 15, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by robocop is bleeding at 5:34 AM on December 15, 2014 [3 favorites]
That does make sense. But it's also true that while I can think of many occasions where I have been walking around and gone, "You know what would be great right now? A gelato! (or similar)", I can't ever recall walking around and going, "You know what would be great right now? Cereal!" Which may be why, as you also point out, such places seem not to last very long in general.
Most cereals are sugary enough to be a dessert. Not as fattening as gelato, so whenever I reaally desperately wanted (PMS sugar craving!) a sweet treat, it was usually Honey Nut Cheerios instead of gelato/ice cream.
Then my PMS mind discovered Mint Chocolate Cookie by Ben & Jerry--have to go back to stocking Cheerios instead to fend off that demon.
posted by discopolo at 5:36 AM on December 15, 2014
Most cereals are sugary enough to be a dessert. Not as fattening as gelato, so whenever I reaally desperately wanted (PMS sugar craving!) a sweet treat, it was usually Honey Nut Cheerios instead of gelato/ice cream.
Then my PMS mind discovered Mint Chocolate Cookie by Ben & Jerry--have to go back to stocking Cheerios instead to fend off that demon.
posted by discopolo at 5:36 AM on December 15, 2014
In my ideal cereal bar:
1. CRT televisions showing Thundercats, He-Man, or Transformers. (alternately Jem!, My Little Pony, or Strawberry Shortcake)
2. With an NES plugged into the top for optional Duck Hunt/Super Mario Brothers.
3. Your older cousin's slightly worn Star Wars action figures strewn about on the carpet
4. 10 year old macrame owls hanging ...about.
5. Underroos/Footie PJs dress code
posted by leotrotsky at 5:37 AM on December 15, 2014 [22 favorites]
1. CRT televisions showing Thundercats, He-Man, or Transformers. (alternately Jem!, My Little Pony, or Strawberry Shortcake)
2. With an NES plugged into the top for optional Duck Hunt/Super Mario Brothers.
3. Your older cousin's slightly worn Star Wars action figures strewn about on the carpet
4. 10 year old macrame owls hanging ...about.
5. Underroos/Footie PJs dress code
posted by leotrotsky at 5:37 AM on December 15, 2014 [22 favorites]
...on reflection, underoos would be substantially less charming on the post-pubescent hirsute.
posted by leotrotsky at 5:40 AM on December 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by leotrotsky at 5:40 AM on December 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
These guys are total hipsters and I'd probably find them profoundly irritating in person, but the treatment they got in the press is stupid and the backlash is totally justified.
This is a very trendy area in the late-gentrification stage, there are definitely other hipster idiots who will buy their cereal for the next 6-9 months, and if they're smart they've planned to have made enough money in that time for it to have been a worthwhile enterprise.
Yes it's overpriced but certainly no worse than Starbucks (£1.80 for a teabag and some hot water) - and the Cereal Killer Cafe isn't too big to pay tax. Good luck to them.
posted by dickasso at 5:53 AM on December 15, 2014 [6 favorites]
This is a very trendy area in the late-gentrification stage, there are definitely other hipster idiots who will buy their cereal for the next 6-9 months, and if they're smart they've planned to have made enough money in that time for it to have been a worthwhile enterprise.
Yes it's overpriced but certainly no worse than Starbucks (£1.80 for a teabag and some hot water) - and the Cereal Killer Cafe isn't too big to pay tax. Good luck to them.
posted by dickasso at 5:53 AM on December 15, 2014 [6 favorites]
Flaky concept
Flake started as a cereal bar, jumped on the bacon bandwagon, and has settled into a popular neighborhood joint.
(Best name for an L.A. business ever.)
posted by Room 641-A at 6:13 AM on December 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
Flake started as a cereal bar, jumped on the bacon bandwagon, and has settled into a popular neighborhood joint.
(Best name for an L.A. business ever.)
posted by Room 641-A at 6:13 AM on December 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
I want 4oz of Rasin Bran, 2oz of Captain crunch, stirred not shaken, 2% whole mile from Devonshire, with a dollop of cream and two strawberries.
posted by eriko at 6:16 AM on December 15, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by eriko at 6:16 AM on December 15, 2014 [2 favorites]
I don't get why this makes everyone so grumpy. So they're "hipsters" (is that still cool here? I thought we were generally against pejorative labelling...) and charge a profitable price for a thing. So what? Good luck to them. I won't go there (can't be trusted around cinnamon grahams) but I hope it works out for them.
And the freaking NEWS COVERAGE this has gotten. Jeeping CHRIST Channel 4. Spend a little less time whinging about cereal being sold for profit and a little more reporting about government contracts, board seats and people being sold for profits, and then maybe you can creep back to the moral high ground.
posted by greenish at 6:20 AM on December 15, 2014 [10 favorites]
And the freaking NEWS COVERAGE this has gotten. Jeeping CHRIST Channel 4. Spend a little less time whinging about cereal being sold for profit and a little more reporting about government contracts, board seats and people being sold for profits, and then maybe you can creep back to the moral high ground.
posted by greenish at 6:20 AM on December 15, 2014 [10 favorites]
Yeah, I don't understand how this made it to the news. Are we going to get news stories on cupcake shops next?
posted by kmz at 6:34 AM on December 15, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by kmz at 6:34 AM on December 15, 2014 [2 favorites]
I want 4oz of Rasin Bran, 2oz of Captain crunch, stirred not shaken, 2% whole mile from Devonshire, with a dollop of cream and two strawberries.
I just had a strangely enjoyable vision of Daniel Craig in footie pajamas.
posted by me & my monkey at 6:38 AM on December 15, 2014 [10 favorites]
I just had a strangely enjoyable vision of Daniel Craig in footie pajamas.
posted by me & my monkey at 6:38 AM on December 15, 2014 [10 favorites]
I want 4oz of Rasin Bran, 2oz of Captain crunch, stirred not shaken, 2% whole mile from Devonshire, with a dollop of cream and two strawberries.
I just had a strangely enjoyable vision of Daniel Craig in footie pajamas.
staring seriously, intently on the screen, deliberately raising the spoon to his mouth, taking a full bite of cereal and closing his eyes slightly as the sugar and milk simultaneously hit his taste buds. Pausing a half second to take that in before the first *CRUNCH*
oh god I'm writing slash now
posted by leotrotsky at 6:47 AM on December 15, 2014 [6 favorites]
I just had a strangely enjoyable vision of Daniel Craig in footie pajamas.
staring seriously, intently on the screen, deliberately raising the spoon to his mouth, taking a full bite of cereal and closing his eyes slightly as the sugar and milk simultaneously hit his taste buds. Pausing a half second to take that in before the first *CRUNCH*
oh god I'm writing slash now
posted by leotrotsky at 6:47 AM on December 15, 2014 [6 favorites]
oh god I'm writing slash now
Oh god, now I have to flag my own comment!
posted by eriko at 6:48 AM on December 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
Oh god, now I have to flag my own comment!
posted by eriko at 6:48 AM on December 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
I wouldn't go ....UNLESS you make it into one of those pitch-black dark restaurants with blind waiters. Then I would go.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 6:56 AM on December 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 6:56 AM on December 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
Personally I would be deeply embarrassed to wait in line for the opportunity to pay money to be served breakfast cereal, but if that's what floats your Corn Pops then go for it.
posted by The Card Cheat at 6:59 AM on December 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by The Card Cheat at 6:59 AM on December 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
This has been a thing at least since 2009.
Cereality opened a test store in Chicago in 2005. So even older than that.
posted by JoeZydeco at 7:04 AM on December 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
Cereality opened a test store in Chicago in 2005. So even older than that.
posted by JoeZydeco at 7:04 AM on December 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
3 pounds 50 for a bowl of cereal is ridiculous in any neighborhood, let alone in a low-income area. Kinda underlines the gimmicky, fly-by-night nature of this venture.
Actually, it's a good illustration of how overpriced restaurant food is. But it has to be overpriced in order to pay for overhead.
posted by Nevin at 7:05 AM on December 15, 2014 [2 favorites]
Actually, it's a good illustration of how overpriced restaurant food is. But it has to be overpriced in order to pay for overhead.
posted by Nevin at 7:05 AM on December 15, 2014 [2 favorites]
I would pay $10 for a bowl of Team.
posted by Room 641-A at 7:06 AM on December 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by Room 641-A at 7:06 AM on December 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
There was a bar here in Akron that offered spiked breakfast cereal (they also had life-size Jenga, an indoor Cornhole court and other novelty tabletop games). I've never known anyone who had tried it. Unfortunately the place is no longer around (due apparently to a landlord disagreement and not issues with their menu offerings).
posted by slogger at 7:09 AM on December 15, 2014
posted by slogger at 7:09 AM on December 15, 2014
Any food that is relatively non-perishable is open to this specialty treatment because the profit margins are very high. The reason is the supply chain brings costs down since non-perishable stuff can be dealt with in bulk at huge warehouses and made available on demand. Salt. Flour and sugar in all its forms (bread, deserts, etc). Chocolate. Oatmeal and all the cereals. The problem is most of this stuff is empty calories. The boutique store fronts that serve this stuff are hiding the opposite reality, they are nothing but cheap fattening-up feed lots for the masses.
posted by stbalbach at 7:11 AM on December 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by stbalbach at 7:11 AM on December 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
A bowl of Freakies would be my choice -- and I'd pay thrice if it came with a dozen upc code cutouts redeemable for a free Freakies T.
posted by notyou at 7:14 AM on December 15, 2014
posted by notyou at 7:14 AM on December 15, 2014
Actually, it's a good illustration of how overpriced restaurant food is. But it has to be overpriced in order to pay for overhead.
Just to clarify: I'm not hating on this - people can put forward whatever gimmicks they please and it hurts me none. But I'm not sure about the overhead of a cereal bar. I mean we're talking about cereal and related accoutrements here. And how many people are on staff, besides the two owners? I can't really tell through their official site.
Having worked in restaurants from dishwashing to management, I'd say the single biggest cost restaurants deal with is waste. That's the biggest overhead you're going to deal with, barring major renovations/overhauls from expanding or trying to meet health code. The comfortable thing about a cereal bar is that there's probably little waste to contend with apart from the backwash/milky slosh in the bottom of bowls.
Great on them to give it a shot and all. Like I said, I'd pay 3.50 for the old school Corn Pops. But how many times are people going to go back for their bowl of nostalgia? Guess time will tell. Besta luck to them.
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 7:42 AM on December 15, 2014
Just to clarify: I'm not hating on this - people can put forward whatever gimmicks they please and it hurts me none. But I'm not sure about the overhead of a cereal bar. I mean we're talking about cereal and related accoutrements here. And how many people are on staff, besides the two owners? I can't really tell through their official site.
Having worked in restaurants from dishwashing to management, I'd say the single biggest cost restaurants deal with is waste. That's the biggest overhead you're going to deal with, barring major renovations/overhauls from expanding or trying to meet health code. The comfortable thing about a cereal bar is that there's probably little waste to contend with apart from the backwash/milky slosh in the bottom of bowls.
Great on them to give it a shot and all. Like I said, I'd pay 3.50 for the old school Corn Pops. But how many times are people going to go back for their bowl of nostalgia? Guess time will tell. Besta luck to them.
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 7:42 AM on December 15, 2014
Describing it as a part of one of the poorest boroughs in London is misleading, if technically correct. Brick Lane is getting really gentrified really quickly, it's only a ten minute walk to Shoreditch High Street, which is the most hipsterified place in England, and only a 15 minute walk to Liverpool Street, which is where all the bankers work.
Not just that, but a chunk of the borough of Hackney is almost indistinguishable from the City proper. If you go down the steps from Exchange square (past the White Horse) you're in Hackney. Fun fact - the largest employer in Hackney after the council is actually a 'City' law firm.
posted by atrazine at 7:49 AM on December 15, 2014 [2 favorites]
Not just that, but a chunk of the borough of Hackney is almost indistinguishable from the City proper. If you go down the steps from Exchange square (past the White Horse) you're in Hackney. Fun fact - the largest employer in Hackney after the council is actually a 'City' law firm.
posted by atrazine at 7:49 AM on December 15, 2014 [2 favorites]
They should stock rare and out of production cereals. Mr T cereal! C-3POs! Nintendo Cereal System! Urkel-Os! Nerds cereal! Old-style round-ball Trix! It's not like these things aren't so full of preservatives that they'll ever go bad.
posted by JHarris at 8:18 AM on December 15, 2014
posted by JHarris at 8:18 AM on December 15, 2014
Good luck to them. Their rent will be high, the cost of a sit down meal (which is what it is) is cheaper than almost anything else on Brick Lane, the brothers chucked in good jobs to run this, and and apparently they are employing 12 people.
Here's an article that interviews their parents; the writer had assumed he'd hate the cafe, but came away liking it.
"I walked in with preconceived ideas, and then I met their parents and I couldn’t honestly pretend to hate the place.
I wonder if we’re all walking around in a sea of cynicism, fuelled by social media, competitive negative opinions, hating everything?
Maybe it’s eroding our ability to just enjoy something? Maybe we all need to make friends with our inner Cereal Killer Cafe."
posted by DanCall at 8:23 AM on December 15, 2014 [2 favorites]
Here's an article that interviews their parents; the writer had assumed he'd hate the cafe, but came away liking it.
"I walked in with preconceived ideas, and then I met their parents and I couldn’t honestly pretend to hate the place.
I wonder if we’re all walking around in a sea of cynicism, fuelled by social media, competitive negative opinions, hating everything?
Maybe it’s eroding our ability to just enjoy something? Maybe we all need to make friends with our inner Cereal Killer Cafe."
posted by DanCall at 8:23 AM on December 15, 2014 [2 favorites]
extra wing for an old timey barbershop.
Well old timey barbershops usually offer a real service, someone willing to put a sharp blade to my throat and not kill me. Plus there's usually free whiskey.
Growing up, our staple food was those big sacks of off-brand cearal, eaten out of the bag with your hands. To this day I can't look at cereal without thinking "human chow"
posted by The Whelk at 8:24 AM on December 15, 2014 [2 favorites]
Well old timey barbershops usually offer a real service, someone willing to put a sharp blade to my throat and not kill me. Plus there's usually free whiskey.
Growing up, our staple food was those big sacks of off-brand cearal, eaten out of the bag with your hands. To this day I can't look at cereal without thinking "human chow"
posted by The Whelk at 8:24 AM on December 15, 2014 [2 favorites]
This has been a thing at least since 2009.
Cereality opened a test store in Chicago in 2005. So even older than that.
My ex worked at a vintage clothing store in Seattle in the late 90's that had a coffee and cereal bar inside. They sold a large selection of cereal by-the-bowl like this place does, but the store was primarily still a vintage clothing store. I never actually ordered a bowl of cereal from them, but I did design their frequent-buyer card for the cereal bar. So this was already an idea pre-2000.
posted by dhalgren at 8:33 AM on December 15, 2014 [3 favorites]
Cereality opened a test store in Chicago in 2005. So even older than that.
My ex worked at a vintage clothing store in Seattle in the late 90's that had a coffee and cereal bar inside. They sold a large selection of cereal by-the-bowl like this place does, but the store was primarily still a vintage clothing store. I never actually ordered a bowl of cereal from them, but I did design their frequent-buyer card for the cereal bar. So this was already an idea pre-2000.
posted by dhalgren at 8:33 AM on December 15, 2014 [3 favorites]
So what you are saying, dhalgren, is that you did this before it was cool?
posted by trif at 9:01 AM on December 15, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by trif at 9:01 AM on December 15, 2014 [5 favorites]
I love cereal, and from about 1992-1998 fantasized about going to (or, in my more longwinded fantasies, owning) a cereal-only restaurant.
The thing is, though, cereal is a laziness food. I eat it when I absolutely can not be bothered to do anything beyond pour milk into a bowl. So there's no way I would ever go outside, walk to a place, talk to a person and order a bowl of cereal. It negates the purpose of cereal.
Now, a 24-hour pancake bar with a whole lot of pancake styles and toppings...? Different story altogether.
posted by still bill at 9:01 AM on December 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
The thing is, though, cereal is a laziness food. I eat it when I absolutely can not be bothered to do anything beyond pour milk into a bowl. So there's no way I would ever go outside, walk to a place, talk to a person and order a bowl of cereal. It negates the purpose of cereal.
Now, a 24-hour pancake bar with a whole lot of pancake styles and toppings...? Different story altogether.
posted by still bill at 9:01 AM on December 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
...i'm sorry. I couldn't help it.
posted by trif at 9:01 AM on December 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by trif at 9:01 AM on December 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
Researching my intended snarky comment for this post led me to news that French Toast Crunch is coming back. I'm fucking giddy.
posted by prize bull octorok at 9:04 AM on December 15, 2014
posted by prize bull octorok at 9:04 AM on December 15, 2014
I almost think what you need to do is just open a Novelty Cafe. Then every three months, change the menu entirely. This season it's breakfast cereal! Next season it's toast! But I think the equipment costs for doing that would be prohibitive unless you could maybe just lease it? I don't think there's anything wrong with novelty, there's just something wrong with thinking things stay novel.
The complaints over the price always strike me as ridiculous. Of course it costs more than eating it at home. Nobody eats at restaurants because they want the cheapest way to acquire the food in question, generally.
posted by Sequence at 9:21 AM on December 15, 2014 [6 favorites]
The complaints over the price always strike me as ridiculous. Of course it costs more than eating it at home. Nobody eats at restaurants because they want the cheapest way to acquire the food in question, generally.
posted by Sequence at 9:21 AM on December 15, 2014 [6 favorites]
Now, a 24-hour pancake bar with a whole lot of pancake styles and toppings
Denny's.
posted by poffin boffin at 9:24 AM on December 15, 2014 [2 favorites]
Denny's.
posted by poffin boffin at 9:24 AM on December 15, 2014 [2 favorites]
Denny's is nowhere close to what I want! I want a place with good toppings, not just nasty pie fillings, and I want a place you can get the pancakes or waffles you want from the cook, and then top them yourself from a buffet of choices. Denny's only works if you want a nasty pile of flavorless and mushy pancakes with something heinous like 'egg nog cream!' on them!
posted by still bill at 9:29 AM on December 15, 2014
posted by still bill at 9:29 AM on December 15, 2014
Cereal restaurants? The world has long since been there, done that, and made the shitty, twee Zooey Deschanel indie comedy about it.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:57 AM on December 15, 2014
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:57 AM on December 15, 2014
That was hilarious! What an on the nose parody of insufferable twee empty nonsense! What a -- oh wait damnit
posted by The Whelk at 10:06 AM on December 15, 2014
posted by The Whelk at 10:06 AM on December 15, 2014
Just to clarify: I'm not hating on this - people can put forward whatever gimmicks they please and it hurts me none. But I'm not sure about the overhead of a cereal bar. I mean we're talking about cereal and related accoutrements here. And how many people are on staff, besides the two owners? I can't really tell through their official site.
There is a number of "outputs" including rent, utilities, wages, capital costs, taxes, renovations, cost of repaying a business loan, working capital (to buy the damn cereal boxes), admin costs including paying taxes and managing payroll, paying back a small business loan, and, on top of that, keeping these two smug moustachioed fellows inked up in tattoos and clad in plaid (ie, "profit").
In other words, it's like any other restaurant. You're not paying for food, you're paying for the experience. Restaurants are not about offering cheap food to the neighbourhood.
Since I have kids and not a lot of disposable income, I tend to think restaurants are a luxury, and it makes little difference if they're selling cereal or authentic Mexican tacos or whatever.
On the flip side, if Channel 4 were really serious about advocating for "anti-gentrification" and for restaurants that are truly affordable in the neighbourhood, you would be seeing McDonald's opening there, because that food is cheap.
Or is there another, cheaper, more "nutritious" restaurant option that would appeal to poorer folks (like me)? I haven't seen one.
The best option of course is shop for and cook your own damn meals. And never buy cereal in the store. What an enormous rip off.
posted by Nevin at 10:07 AM on December 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
There is a number of "outputs" including rent, utilities, wages, capital costs, taxes, renovations, cost of repaying a business loan, working capital (to buy the damn cereal boxes), admin costs including paying taxes and managing payroll, paying back a small business loan, and, on top of that, keeping these two smug moustachioed fellows inked up in tattoos and clad in plaid (ie, "profit").
In other words, it's like any other restaurant. You're not paying for food, you're paying for the experience. Restaurants are not about offering cheap food to the neighbourhood.
Since I have kids and not a lot of disposable income, I tend to think restaurants are a luxury, and it makes little difference if they're selling cereal or authentic Mexican tacos or whatever.
On the flip side, if Channel 4 were really serious about advocating for "anti-gentrification" and for restaurants that are truly affordable in the neighbourhood, you would be seeing McDonald's opening there, because that food is cheap.
Or is there another, cheaper, more "nutritious" restaurant option that would appeal to poorer folks (like me)? I haven't seen one.
The best option of course is shop for and cook your own damn meals. And never buy cereal in the store. What an enormous rip off.
posted by Nevin at 10:07 AM on December 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
Cereal is terrible breakfast. It's what you eat when you've not left enough time for a proper meal. Eating it in a restaurant removes the only possible reason for cereal to exist.
posted by ryanrs at 10:18 AM on December 15, 2014
posted by ryanrs at 10:18 AM on December 15, 2014
Bloomington, Indiana had a cereal restaurant - I went there with my sister when she attended IU. The novelty is definitely in the variety of often rare cereals, plus the fact that you could get, like, half a bowl of Raisin Bran and half a bowl of Cookie Crisp and basically make a chocolate chip oatmeal raisin cookie in a bowl.
They closed down though. :-(
posted by chainsofreedom at 10:19 AM on December 15, 2014
They closed down though. :-(
posted by chainsofreedom at 10:19 AM on December 15, 2014
Quoth Sequence:
I almost think what you need to do is just open a Novelty Cafe. Then every three months, change the menu entirely.
A friend of ours did essentially that, but with the extra complication of not just rotating menus, but rotating chefs (it was billed as a permanent pop-up space and/or restaurant incubator). Turns out that while the novelty-qua-novelty was good for business early on, the incessant need for marketing, combined with the difficulty of managing a completely different food order every few weeks, meant that the idea was unsustainable.
Weirdly, the problems were made worse by word of mouth. By the time customers came in for food they'd heard was good, that chef and menu were gone, and the menu in place was a "disappointment" simply by virtue of the fact that it wasn't the specific thing they came for.
posted by fedward at 10:27 AM on December 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
I almost think what you need to do is just open a Novelty Cafe. Then every three months, change the menu entirely.
A friend of ours did essentially that, but with the extra complication of not just rotating menus, but rotating chefs (it was billed as a permanent pop-up space and/or restaurant incubator). Turns out that while the novelty-qua-novelty was good for business early on, the incessant need for marketing, combined with the difficulty of managing a completely different food order every few weeks, meant that the idea was unsustainable.
Weirdly, the problems were made worse by word of mouth. By the time customers came in for food they'd heard was good, that chef and menu were gone, and the menu in place was a "disappointment" simply by virtue of the fact that it wasn't the specific thing they came for.
posted by fedward at 10:27 AM on December 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
Grape Nuts: no grapes, no nuts. What's the story?
A billion dollars later, and here we are.
posted by Room 641-A at 10:35 AM on December 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
A billion dollars later, and here we are.
posted by Room 641-A at 10:35 AM on December 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
I won't go to this unless I can read the box while I eat, and at least one in four bowls comes with a prize in it.
Also, they should totally serve it with your choice of a la carte or "part of a complete breakfast style" with a side of orange juice, toast, fruit, eggs, waffles, and sausage.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 11:26 AM on December 15, 2014 [2 favorites]
Also, they should totally serve it with your choice of a la carte or "part of a complete breakfast style" with a side of orange juice, toast, fruit, eggs, waffles, and sausage.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 11:26 AM on December 15, 2014 [2 favorites]
A place in Berkeley tried the cereal bar thing in 2008. Lasted just barely into 2009!
posted by Zed at 12:01 PM on December 15, 2014
posted by Zed at 12:01 PM on December 15, 2014
What is the attraction?
Londoner here: it looks like it's all about the bonkers super-exotic US cereals that they are selling (or at least displaying the boxes) - like peanut butter Reese's and limited edition Royal Wedding Lucky Charms etc.
These products are not available in the UK and have a cult appeal that may have started for us guys around the time Tarantino put a box of 'Fruit Loops' right in the middle of a shot.
Likely a bowl of one of these cereals would be 35-40 percent sugar and therefore the ideal accompaniment to a strong coffee for a youthful person at 11am.
posted by colie at 12:25 PM on December 15, 2014
Londoner here: it looks like it's all about the bonkers super-exotic US cereals that they are selling (or at least displaying the boxes) - like peanut butter Reese's and limited edition Royal Wedding Lucky Charms etc.
These products are not available in the UK and have a cult appeal that may have started for us guys around the time Tarantino put a box of 'Fruit Loops' right in the middle of a shot.
Likely a bowl of one of these cereals would be 35-40 percent sugar and therefore the ideal accompaniment to a strong coffee for a youthful person at 11am.
posted by colie at 12:25 PM on December 15, 2014
I think if it's primarily a cafe (ie, a coffee shop), then having boxed breakfast cereal as the food accompaniment isn't the worst idea in the world. I wouldn't mind sitting in a Starbucks with a nice latte and a big bowl full of fruity pebbles or something. We have a cereal bar at work, and I use it all the time (but the price is much more reasonable $1 a bowl).
posted by empath at 1:23 PM on December 15, 2014
posted by empath at 1:23 PM on December 15, 2014
I don't know the sustainability of a boxed cereal bar, but imagine you could go higher end with a place that toasts/bakes it's own cereal. And they can hyper-customize, like for example gluten-free Toasted O's with a slight hint of maple syrup flavor baked in. And then maybe you could allow people to further customize it by choosing a "base", a few "mix-ins", what kind of milk, and then maybe even what it's topped with.
Like, I'd imagine you walk up and say. "Oh give 1/3 cup Toasted O's, 1/3 cup vanilla puffs, and 1/3 cup taro flakes. I'd like some Acai Berry and shaved almonds as mix-ins, non-sweetened soy milk, and topped with sliced banana."
And then you can charge like $6 or $10 a bowl, and also sell bagged versions of the customized dry cereal for people to tote home.
posted by FJT at 1:53 PM on December 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
Like, I'd imagine you walk up and say. "Oh give 1/3 cup Toasted O's, 1/3 cup vanilla puffs, and 1/3 cup taro flakes. I'd like some Acai Berry and shaved almonds as mix-ins, non-sweetened soy milk, and topped with sliced banana."
And then you can charge like $6 or $10 a bowl, and also sell bagged versions of the customized dry cereal for people to tote home.
posted by FJT at 1:53 PM on December 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
Likely a bowl of one of these cereals would be 35-40 percent sugar
In fact, your estimate is low. Froot Loops* contains 12g of sugar in each 29g serving, or 41.4% sugar by weight.
* note spelling, it's probably illegal to imply this cereal contains any actual fruit
posted by ryanrs at 1:54 PM on December 15, 2014 [4 favorites]
In fact, your estimate is low. Froot Loops* contains 12g of sugar in each 29g serving, or 41.4% sugar by weight.
* note spelling, it's probably illegal to imply this cereal contains any actual fruit
posted by ryanrs at 1:54 PM on December 15, 2014 [4 favorites]
TL;DR: Hipster Jedward twunts open hipster thing after being advised it would would work in that particular location because the area's knee-deep in other bearded hipster fucknuts already.
posted by genghis at 3:23 PM on December 15, 2014
posted by genghis at 3:23 PM on December 15, 2014
I guess I'm the target market for this. I crave a bowl of Crunchberries or Fruity Pebbles occasionally. I'm single and like to eat relatively healthily, so I don't want to buy a big box of cereal, because then I'll eat that big box of cereal. Hell, I order the smaller size of pizza, even though I know it's more economical to buy the larger size, so I won't have all that leftover pizza in my house, because I'll eat it. When I stay at a Hampton Inn, I skip the fresh waffles and go straight for the cereal dispensers. I never get more than one bowl, though--that's enough empty calories to satisfy the craving for, oh, a month or so. I like to take dates to fun, quirky places to show off what a fun, quirky guy I am. I have a good enough job to be able to spend $10 on breakfast every now and then. And I do I crave a bowl of Crunchberries or Fruity Pebbles occasionally. I'd walk out of that place happy.
I went to The Cereal Bowl in DC once, with my young daughter before a trip to the zoo. It was exactly as FJT describes--mix-ins of all sorts, from fresh fruit to marshmallows, milk choices, etc. You could mix and match cereals, and they absolutely did have custom-blended bags available, along with several "signature blends." Smoothies and coffee, and oatmeal, I think. It was kind of far away from me so I only went once, but it was hopping on a Saturday morning. They kinda got a hard time in the press, too.
posted by MrMoonPie at 3:46 PM on December 15, 2014 [2 favorites]
I went to The Cereal Bowl in DC once, with my young daughter before a trip to the zoo. It was exactly as FJT describes--mix-ins of all sorts, from fresh fruit to marshmallows, milk choices, etc. You could mix and match cereals, and they absolutely did have custom-blended bags available, along with several "signature blends." Smoothies and coffee, and oatmeal, I think. It was kind of far away from me so I only went once, but it was hopping on a Saturday morning. They kinda got a hard time in the press, too.
posted by MrMoonPie at 3:46 PM on December 15, 2014 [2 favorites]
Having watched this post since it's inception this morning, I have to say:
I DESPISE CEREAL.
That whole pick it up with a spoon, dripping milk sogginess is just so frickin disgusting. Just thinking about the visuals and audibles makes me practically retch. Everything about cereal is abhorrent.
And, oh god please, drinking the aftermilk.
I'm done here.
posted by yesster at 7:55 PM on December 15, 2014 [4 favorites]
I DESPISE CEREAL.
That whole pick it up with a spoon, dripping milk sogginess is just so frickin disgusting. Just thinking about the visuals and audibles makes me practically retch. Everything about cereal is abhorrent.
And, oh god please, drinking the aftermilk.
I'm done here.
posted by yesster at 7:55 PM on December 15, 2014 [4 favorites]
Dry, straight out of the box, is the only way. Except for granola, which may be sprinkled on top of yogurt (but don't sprinkle Cap'n Crunch on your yogurt, that's just wrong.)
posted by Daily Alice at 9:03 PM on December 15, 2014
posted by Daily Alice at 9:03 PM on December 15, 2014
The Whelk: "Plus there's usually free whiskey."
Wait, what? There is? Why has no one told me about this? I always thought barbershops seemed useless.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 10:39 PM on December 15, 2014
Wait, what? There is? Why has no one told me about this? I always thought barbershops seemed useless.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 10:39 PM on December 15, 2014
It's a pretty normal thing to be offered a shot of whiskey when going into a barbershop? Or is my life weird?
posted by The Whelk at 11:04 PM on December 15, 2014
posted by The Whelk at 11:04 PM on December 15, 2014
My kid gets offered candy after he has a haircut. I guess that's sort of the same thing.
posted by Joe in Australia at 12:17 AM on December 16, 2014
posted by Joe in Australia at 12:17 AM on December 16, 2014
That whole pick it up with a spoon, dripping milk sogginess is just so frickin disgusting. Just thinking about the visuals and audibles makes me practically retch. Everything about cereal is abhorrent.
Add to that - doing it in public. Yuk.
posted by Summer at 2:54 AM on December 16, 2014
Add to that - doing it in public. Yuk.
posted by Summer at 2:54 AM on December 16, 2014
"Flaky concept."
Corny and flakey. Doesn't bowl me over.
Cheerio!
posted by Chitownfats at 3:14 AM on December 16, 2014
Corny and flakey. Doesn't bowl me over.
Cheerio!
posted by Chitownfats at 3:14 AM on December 16, 2014
I go to a Muslim barber, so no whiskey for me. I do get the daily pronouncement from Imran Khan via the barbers over sized mobile phone though, so that's something. During Ramadan Khan shuts up, and there are Koranic verses instead. Having your hair cut by a man who hasn't had food or drink for the past 14 hours is a bit disconcerting. Nonetheless, my ears have remained attached.
As for the cereal cafe, I am surprised that this is the first one in London. Shoreditch would be the place to get the first one.
Ambala is my favourite place to get food on Brick Lane. For £3:50 you could walk away with two samosas, kachori, bhaji, a lassi and an individual sweet to finish off (prices are per kilo or something).
posted by asok at 3:50 AM on December 16, 2014 [2 favorites]
As for the cereal cafe, I am surprised that this is the first one in London. Shoreditch would be the place to get the first one.
Ambala is my favourite place to get food on Brick Lane. For £3:50 you could walk away with two samosas, kachori, bhaji, a lassi and an individual sweet to finish off (prices are per kilo or something).
posted by asok at 3:50 AM on December 16, 2014 [2 favorites]
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