The excess moisture will fly off when the platter starts to spin
December 21, 2014 2:01 AM   Subscribe

 
Right up until the stapler.
posted by Meatbomb at 2:11 AM on December 21, 2014


You could always email Samsung tech support.
posted by a lungful of dragon at 2:19 AM on December 21, 2014


Oh god, this is TOTALLY wrong. You need to use duct tape to hold the drive together!! Don't they know anything?
posted by ArkhanJG at 2:30 AM on December 21, 2014 [2 favorites]


Could this fix be applied to other failing hardware, such as a pet or child? Rebooting them does nothing anymore and their consoles are silent.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 2:44 AM on December 21, 2014 [2 favorites]


...and warranty still in tact (hehe, suckers)
posted by mattoxic at 2:59 AM on December 21, 2014


data dust
posted by Stonestock Relentless at 4:03 AM on December 21, 2014 [1 favorite]


Could this fix be applied to other failing hardware, such as a pet or child?

In the case of a child, you'd be better off with a competent plumber.
posted by Grangousier at 4:07 AM on December 21, 2014 [1 favorite]


Jam, for those hard to reach bits of hope that Black Mirror failed to shift.

chopped up maaaan, chopped up maaaaaan
posted by fullerine at 4:31 AM on December 21, 2014


> Place the hard drive back in it’s caddy...

Now, see, it's this sort of inattention to detail which makes me lose faith in the trustworthiness of an author writing on highly technical matters. What else might he have left out or gotten wrong which can literally mean the difference between success and failure? We might not know until we have our own hard drive on the bench some day and are one misstep away from rescuing vital data.
posted by ardgedee at 4:44 AM on December 21, 2014


I honestly had no idea that The Onion had a do-it-yourself column.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 4:46 AM on December 21, 2014 [2 favorites]


I have worked in an industrial service industry for 30 years, and you would be shocked to learn how accurate this documentary is.
posted by localroger at 6:00 AM on December 21, 2014 [1 favorite]


I lost it at "Next time: Half fixes car brakes!"
posted by pharm at 6:37 AM on December 21, 2014 [1 favorite]


Another method is to pull the HD platters off and put them on a turntable (young readers, this was a device that allowed playback of audio data by means of vinyl "records" before the invention of Vevo on YouTube). It will sound like 1,000 banshees shrieking while pulling metal chairs across a metal floor, but remember the sound is important to your data recovery so make sure to set it at no less than 80% of maximum. Since turntables are old technology, the reading of the HD data will be a bit slower, but you should expect full data recovery within 3-5 months of continuous play.
posted by mcstayinskool at 7:17 AM on December 21, 2014 [3 favorites]


this is an overcomplicated procedure - any real expert knows that the proper way to fix a hard drive is to bang on it with a hammer a couple of times to loosen the stuck head and defective data, dunk it in dishwater for a minute to get all that data dust out, and then 30 seconds in the microwave to dry it off and "cook in" the good data that may have gotten loose

and you don't even have to open it up!
posted by pyramid termite at 7:31 AM on December 21, 2014




He forgot the part where you use a strong magnet to get rid of the dust.
posted by double block and bleed at 8:06 AM on December 21, 2014 [1 favorite]


Back in 1990ish I had a drive that required me to manually move the stepper motor to break static friction before it would work independently. IIRC, I also had to give the spindle a nudge to get the disks spinning.
posted by five fresh fish at 8:58 AM on December 21, 2014


I also had an authentic IBM 20lb wing of death keyboard that got cleaned via the dishwasher. It took concerted effort to destroy some of that old hardware. Built like bricks.
posted by five fresh fish at 9:01 AM on December 21, 2014


Ah, so it's just like one of those utility knives where you're meant to break off the blade at the score mark with a pair of pliers from time to time to get a fresh edge. Gotcha. Those damn hard drive manufacturers won't be swindling me any more!
posted by Rhomboid at 11:37 AM on December 21, 2014 [1 favorite]


My favorite part was at the end: Next time: Hal fixes car brakes

It's a pity the first comment is "LMAO this was so funny this joke thing I got it me". Much more fun when the comments play along.
posted by George_Spiggott at 1:26 PM on December 21, 2014


> this is an overcomplicated procedure - any real expert knows that the proper way to fix a hard drive is to bang on it with a hammer a couple of times

In the era of 5" half-gig hard drives, dropping them onto the floor was the recommended procedure for unsticking the spindle when the drive had been left unpowered for a weekend.

Banging with a hammer wouldn't have worked as well because you couldn't deliver sufficient force to the parts that needed it without risking a dent to the case and making it easier for the manufacturer to refuse warranty support.
posted by ardgedee at 3:29 PM on December 21, 2014


I had a computer which, at the end of its life, required I open the side of the case and flick the CPU fan upon boot-up to start it, and bang sharply on the side of the hard drive cage for it to get power.

who knows, technology
posted by sonic meat machine at 5:01 PM on December 21, 2014 [2 favorites]


Shit, I used a crowbar instead of a claw hammer. Is that why this didn't work for me?
posted by Invisible Green Time-Lapse Peloton at 5:19 PM on December 21, 2014 [1 favorite]


I used to work at Seagate in the 80's doing QC and calibration in the clean room when I was not building "burn-in" racks. the fun way to free a disc was to drill a hole in the edge of the case at a tangent and another on the other side. If you got it right you could insert a air chuck and let it rip!
You knew you had it right when the thing was whistling like a turbine. if you got it just right the disk would frag and dump all that angular momentum into the case, at this point it was wise to be behind something solid.
INFORMATION MUST BE FREED!
posted by boilermonster at 10:45 PM on December 21, 2014


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