Lots of People Named Their Swords
December 23, 2014 2:11 PM   Subscribe

 
I am Butt the Scarred but the clickme ran away so now nothing is happening.
posted by poffin boffin at 2:18 PM on December 23, 2014


From Datass the Terrible: click on the house sigil in the left top corner.
posted by barchan at 2:21 PM on December 23, 2014


Oh, thanks, because I've just mastered kittens and now I need another timesuck to destroy my life*.

*1/2 sarcasm, 1/2 genuine intrigue.
posted by el io at 2:28 PM on December 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


Oh that reminds me I have 15 quindecillion GP to spend in Clicker Heroes.
posted by aubilenon at 2:30 PM on December 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


So far, this game seems much much much shorter than Kittens Game unfortunately.
posted by oceanjesse at 2:31 PM on December 23, 2014


Why did you do this to me?
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 2:47 PM on December 23, 2014


"Hire Daenerys: Men cross the Narrow Sea to catch even a glimpse. Brothels are twice as efficient."

Ew.
posted by rewil at 2:55 PM on December 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


But I just got finished making all the meth.
posted by Happy Dave at 3:05 PM on December 23, 2014 [4 favorites]


Aww, I was hoping it was going to be a Guided By Voices game.
posted by Flashman at 3:15 PM on December 23, 2014 [5 favorites]


clickers: not even once.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 3:21 PM on December 23, 2014 [7 favorites]


yesssss my pretty.

Having just gotten into ASOIAF/GoT, and having long been a sucker for clicker games, allow me to say: this post is relevant to my interests.
posted by Hold your seahorses at 3:23 PM on December 23, 2014


damn you to hell
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 3:25 PM on December 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


So far, this game seems much much much shorter than Kittens Game unfortunately.

If I recall correctly, that's by design. It's meant to be run through in no more than a couple of hours, with the long-term metagame of most clickers replaced with perfectly optimizing build order and purchase timing. For me, it's a welcome bit of variety from, for example, my Cookie Clicker that's spent at least a year running in a tab on my work computer in the hope that maybe somehow I will clear out those last couple of achievements, although I am pretty bad at the optimizing part.
posted by Copronymus at 3:29 PM on December 23, 2014


I'm just getting into this, and I have a few problems - the brothel component is rather icky, and the upgrades for the brothels are...not pleasant? (In addition to the Dany one mentioned above, there's one about Littlefinger getting a finger in every pie, just gross). And instead of the pill, it should be Moon Tea.

I'll keep going with it for a bit, but this GOT fan is rather squicked out/disappointed at the moment.
posted by nubs at 3:35 PM on December 23, 2014


I went back to Clicker Heroes, having visited it every couple of weeks to optimize after the initial month where it ate my life, only to find out I was starting from scratch and all progress had been lost. The first words out of my mouth, almost involuntarily, were "I'm free."
posted by Homeboy Trouble at 3:41 PM on December 23, 2014 [5 favorites]


Clicker Heroes, a couple of weeks ago, added some ultra-high-end heroes, so costly so that I don't think even the cheapest can be reasonably bought unless you've already cycled the game a few times.
posted by JHarris at 3:43 PM on December 23, 2014


Great, like I didn't have anything else to do over Quonsmas.
posted by arcticseal at 4:02 PM on December 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


Lots of People Named Their Swords

When I played Messala in Julius Caesar, I named my sword, "Messalibur."
posted by The Underpants Monster at 4:43 PM on December 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


Had to play for long enough to get the "Denipple Unsullied" card...
posted by pompomtom at 4:57 PM on December 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


There's a late-game upgrade called "Cersei Airtime": "Cersei agrees to topless scene in S05. Male viewership quadruples, HBO is four times as efficient".

So, yeah. A lot of unnecessary squick.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 5:14 PM on December 23, 2014


Did anyone actually win at the Fist of the First Men?
posted by arcticseal at 5:20 PM on December 23, 2014


this is a really great version of the Loading... game. what a classic.
posted by clvrmnky at 5:20 PM on December 23, 2014


Did anyone actually win at the Fist of the First Men?

I'm working on it. I think I need more upgrades, so I'm just doing other stuff while I build up cash.

Gotta say, this game felt too easy. There really didn't seem to be any clear way to lose, unless you constantly attack castles you know you can't defeat.

As for the gross sexual stuff... well, have you seen the actual show?
posted by showbiz_liz at 5:50 PM on December 23, 2014


Did anyone actually win at the Fist of the First Men?

Not me. I have ten billion army, and an 0.01% chance of success. S'gonna be a while.

Gotta say, this game felt too easy. There really didn't seem to be any clear way to lose, unless you constantly attack castles you know you can't defeat.

Have you...played clicker games before? I've played too many, and I can't recall a single one that has a loss condition. They're basically exercises in endurance.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 5:58 PM on December 23, 2014


I click and click
posted by batfish at 6:02 PM on December 23, 2014


Have you...played clicker games before? I've played too many, and I can't recall a single one that has a loss condition. They're basically exercises in endurance.

The only other one I played was the kitten one, which would lead to constant starvation if you weren't careful.
posted by showbiz_liz at 6:08 PM on December 23, 2014


Ah; excellent point. I played that one for a while, but ended up losing...uh, interest after a...um...

[visits kitten game; finds that all of my kittens and resources are there waiting for me]

God. DAMN. You.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 6:10 PM on December 23, 2014 [6 favorites]


It took me 628 years to achieve whatever goal I was supposed to achieve, I've never seen that show. I chose the rad octopus and got the title "The Killer" (I didn't use the name Ichi, though).
posted by Redfield at 9:27 PM on December 23, 2014


I very much doubt you've finished after 628 years. You've probably gotten to the point where it says how many years you took to do what you did, and compares it to how many years others took to do the same thing. There's more to do past that (and it's extremely tedious).
posted by Flunkie at 9:29 PM on December 23, 2014


Does the chance of victory for Fist of the First Men ever increase?
posted by Redfield at 9:40 PM on December 23, 2014


Yes, it does.
posted by Flunkie at 9:44 PM on December 23, 2014


Slowly.
posted by KingEdRa at 9:45 PM on December 23, 2014


Does the chance of victory for Fist of the First Men ever increase?

It does, but very very slowly. I've got 20 billion troops (which all by itself seems like it would be an ecological disaster just as bad as anything north of the Fist could possibly dish out) and my win % is all the way up to 0.08%.

Needs some more intermediate stuff to conquer. Sunspear and Highgarden felt like pretty glaring omissions, considering they're the seats of two of the Great Houses. Maybe White Harbor and Moat Cailin, too?
posted by mstokes650 at 9:46 PM on December 23, 2014


I'm at 1% on Fist of the First Men. I sure hope that "Bonus: ???" means "Bonus: Enough money to get Hodor", because at the rate my coins are currently increasing, it will take me 12 real life years to get him.
posted by Flunkie at 9:57 PM on December 23, 2014


Is there no way to pause or save? I see the "save" button, but it seems to be unimplemented.
posted by Flunkie at 10:49 PM on December 23, 2014


I got the score popup at 283 years, but in the high scores, who the heck managed to pull this off in 102?
posted by CynicalKnight at 1:02 AM on December 24, 2014


Got the Fist. Screw Hodor. Back to Kittens Game.
posted by Flunkie at 2:54 AM on December 24, 2014 [1 favorite]


It takes about a trillion army to get to 100% on the Fist of the First Men. All you get is 2x clicks for all games. For no particular purpose, I'm letting the money run up to Hodor level in the background and expect to get there in a few hours. I expect to receive nothing for this effort except mild satisfaction for my obsessive compulsive nature.
posted by Muddler at 5:36 AM on December 24, 2014 [4 favorites]


A few hours? Really? Wow. Are you sure? When I conquered the Fist, my money was on pace for Hodor in one and a half real-life years. I had all upgrades.
posted by Flunkie at 8:40 AM on December 24, 2014


I'm letting the money run up to Hodor level in the background and expect to get there in a few hours.

I got sucked in by this, left it running overnight, bought all the upgrades I could. Now I'm generating 15,000,000,000 coin per second with no more upgrades available, only cost prohibitive HBO purchases. I calculated that it would take me 385 days to reach Hodor levels of money. 385 days!
posted by dis_integration at 8:42 AM on December 24, 2014 [1 favorite]


I finally opened up the dev console to see what's there in way of possible cheating options. There's a bunch of console logs: "yes", "got here", and "yep, should be right". These indicate to me that the game of advanced maturity.

OTOH, there was something what looked like a high score list with user "LOLBUTTS" in the lead, so I'm guessing cortex is playing.
posted by 7segment at 8:58 AM on December 24, 2014


Followup: coin is held in a minified variable called "jt", and Hodor is radiantly unworth purchasing through legitimate means.
posted by 7segment at 9:20 AM on December 24, 2014 [2 favorites]


I should have a 100% chance of victory at The Fist by dinner time. Hodor is an impossible dream. My children's children will know him
posted by KingEdRa at 9:56 AM on December 24, 2014


Followup: coin is held in a minified variable called "jt", and Hodor is radiantly unworth purchasing through legitimate means.

Is there any way to access this variable directly through the console? I can get to it by setting a breakpoint on mouse clicks in Chrome. So I'm good to go so far as ill-gotten Hodors are concerned, but want to know if there was a better way.
posted by Gary at 10:24 AM on December 24, 2014


Yeah, so, totally agree - seems I missed a few zeros there in my foggy counting. I have money growing faster than most, but not that fast. Sorry to get your hopes up. Officially don't care anymore. And so goes most hopes this Christmas. At times like this, there is only one thing to say:

Hodor
posted by Muddler at 10:56 AM on December 24, 2014 [1 favorite]


Gary, that was my method as well. Kind of ran out of caring at that point.
posted by 7segment at 11:14 AM on December 24, 2014


This thread should be kept open for comments longer than most threads are on Metafilter, on the off chance that anyone ever reaches Hodor.
posted by svenni at 6:14 PM on December 24, 2014 [2 favorites]


Won Fist of the First Men. Still a mere fraction of the way toward Hodor – if my (somewhat drunken) math is correct, it'll be another 2.72 days before I have enough coin.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 9:33 PM on December 24, 2014


Conquered the Fist of Men, many souls died that day. Hoder will have to stay where he is as I found better things to do with that tab.
posted by arcticseal at 3:47 PM on December 25, 2014 [1 favorite]


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