Faux Shows
March 22, 2015 6:36 AM   Subscribe

Stock footage company Dissolve presents Faux Shows, a fake fall line-up guaranteed to get green-lit. (SLVimeo) Created entirely with Dissolve stock footage.
posted by ricochet biscuit (26 comments total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
Possibly a great stock footage in-joke: Gritty Police Drama is shown to be set in NYC, and at 0:40 there is a Toronto police cruiser coming to a bad (G20) end.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 6:39 AM on March 22, 2015 [6 favorites]

"Car Insurance:.... Legally, you need it."
posted by cashman at 6:51 AM on March 22, 2015 [2 favorites]

I really like Such a Nice Young Man's work. I wish his movie career would take off.
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:57 AM on March 22, 2015 [2 favorites]

And it has that rapper that our son liked.
posted by octothorpe at 7:02 AM on March 22, 2015 [4 favorites]

Guys, I hate to break it to you, but that Nice Young Man has said some seriously problematic stuff in interviews... I just can't comfortably objectify him like I used to.
posted by Mizu at 7:05 AM on March 22, 2015 [7 favorites]

I really enjoyed that the "Roommates" apartment looked pretty much exactly like the loft in New Girl.
posted by lunasol at 7:10 AM on March 22, 2015

Those are really nicely done. I feel like I would totally watch Gritty Police Drama. But not Gritty Police Drama: Another Big City, because these things always get so watered down in the spin-offs.

I wouldn't intend to watch Quirky Roommate Sitcom, but then all my friends would watch it and tell me it was fantastic and I didn't know what I was missing, so I would reluctantly start watching it somewhere in the middle of the third season after binging on the first two seasons on Netflix.

I would not watch the news magazine show for olds who don't internet and I would really, really not watch the talk show where women argue loudly. In fact, I would actually be annoyed every time a clip from it showed up on Facebook.

I would intend to watch Reality Show on an Island, but I would miss the first episode and then not bother watching the rest, because once you are already behind on the interpersonal dynamics of those shows, what's the point?
posted by jacquilynne at 7:15 AM on March 22, 2015 [2 favorites]

awww Gritty Police Drama is missing my favorite character, Goofy Computer Geek with Eccentric Style.
posted by dogwalker at 7:22 AM on March 22, 2015 [4 favorites]

I was trying to figure out why the cinematography for some of these (Quirky Roommate Drama especially!) was so wrong, and then at the end I realized I should read the OP more closely.

Also, Reality Show on an Island isn't a thing anymore, is it? I thought Survivor was the only remaining example of that trope.

(also the commercials are easily the best part about this)
posted by chrominance at 7:24 AM on March 22, 2015

(also the commercials are easily the best part about this)

posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:30 AM on March 22, 2015

I like that the sitcom had the standard preposterously huge apartment that no one in the show could ever really afford.
posted by octothorpe at 7:55 AM on March 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

But where was 'Mildly Racy Supernatural Drama' starring lithe-ingénue-with-the hair and stern-man-from-that-lame-80s-action-show?
posted by freya_lamb at 8:00 AM on March 22, 2015 [5 favorites]

Dissolve other clips are just as good.
Also, Bill Maher had an insightful New Rules segment the other night, which included his take on The Stockies, "recognizing excellence in the field of Stock Photo Art" (starts at 0:50)
posted by growabrain at 8:04 AM on March 22, 2015

We joke, but this is actually CBS' entire summer lineup
posted by The Whelk at 8:25 AM on March 22, 2015 [3 favorites]

generic police-y words you probably can't read anyways

very important details about a crime scene being typed quickly into a database

criminal DNA information

witness statement that is being typed into a computer with very important details of the crime
posted by harperpitt at 8:55 AM on March 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

very important details about a crime scene being typed quickly into a database

Grainy security footage -- enhance, enhance, enhance!
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:09 AM on March 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

I was getting BBQ in Brooklyn last night and the quartet at the table next to us only made sense if they were in not just a wacky-roommate-sitcom, but the pilot for one, before the kinks had been worked out yet. There was the tweedy young professor type with the leather elbow patches and perfect, if uptight, posture, the slobby, slouching, animated salt-of-the-earth guy in the cabbie-hat, the Japanese artist with carefully sculpted facial hair and overpowering slow-burn intensity, and the kind-of bland token chick just responding to each of them in kind and acting as the "glue" of the group. And they were all ready-for-TV attactive. It was incredible.
posted by Navelgazer at 9:42 AM on March 22, 2015 [5 favorites]

I'm routinely stunned that the formulaic police procedurals being parodied in Gritty Police Drama do so well in the ratings that they get spin-offs, and then the spin-offs kill in the ratings as well. My wife and I recently tuned into Battle Creek because of Vince Gilligan's involvement, but turned it off halfway through because it was so larded-up with the CBS police procedural house style that we'd pretty much seen every single character before and heard everything they had to say in some other show that we'd only watched a few times.

Are these shows watched predominantly or exclusively by older demographics that came up expecting their TV programs to be so repetitive? Or maybe there's something I'm missing about these shows that makes them more interesting than I'm given credit for? I'm trying my hardest not to be all "your favorite TV program sucks", and if the answer is just "people like different stuff" I'm cool with that, but I just can't believe so many people watch these interchangeable shows with fill-in-the-blanks plots and dialogue.
posted by tonycpsu at 9:53 AM on March 22, 2015

They ask nothing of you and give you a predictable conclusion every time. For some people the repetition is the point.
posted by The Whelk at 9:58 AM on March 22, 2015 [2 favorites]

Commercials are the best part, because that's who uses stock footage. Documentaries don't, feature films very rarely, and TV shows--once in a awhile. Dissolve's clips look like every other stock house's materials. Shutterstock has introduced a Premier category which has slightly better stuff. For me, as I work in docs, finding home movies that someone has put up is the best thing about these sites.
posted by Ideefixe at 10:15 AM on March 22, 2015

Looks like only half a prime time schedule. Where are the Comic Book Superhero Show, Public Domain Fantasy in Modern Day Locale, Singing and/or Dancing Competition, Generation Gap Comedy/Drama/Dramedy and Cartoon Starring the Voice of H. Jon Benjamin?
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:29 AM on March 22, 2015 [2 favorites]

Also missing: Doctors Who Sleep Around, Inoffensive Morning Talkshow, Assholes Cooking, and Elaborate, Expensive Miniseries Adaptation of Something That's Already An Adaptation.
posted by AzraelBrown at 11:53 AM on March 22, 2015

Wow, that was well done, but just reinforces the sameness of so much TV. Why don't the networks at least try to mix it up some? Gritty Roommate Drama! Talk Show Where Police Argue Loudly! Quirky Women Sitcom on an Island!
posted by fings at 12:16 PM on March 22, 2015 [4 favorites]

More great creative stuff from Calgary! (Dissolve is based here.)
posted by ethnomethodologist at 3:15 PM on March 22, 2015

Ws I the only one who almost immediately started hearing Too Many Cooks during that and started sideeying all the clips for the killer?
posted by Queen of Robots at 3:48 PM on March 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

I plan to boycott this network because "Token Black Guy" isn't in the sitcom, and I think they need another character of color in order to show their commitment to diversity in media.
posted by decathecting at 4:00 PM on March 22, 2015

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