Cougar Town
April 14, 2015 3:04 AM   Subscribe

At first, they tried to provoke the cougar by poking it with a long prod but all they managed to do was to lose the GoPro camera attached to the prod which at one point fell off. Mountain lion hiding under L.A. home can’t be forced out.
posted by hippybear (72 comments total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
 
Surely they need to get a really really large cardboard box?

I mean, it is a cat, right?
posted by Katemonkey at 3:20 AM on April 14, 2015 [47 favorites]


Instant tiger repellent would work. Probably.
posted by sebastienbailard at 3:26 AM on April 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


     You are standing in an open field west of a white house.
     There is a mountain lion here.
     You are holding: A camera. A bean bag. A ball. A stick.

>PUT CAMERA ON STICK

     The camera is now balanced precariously.

     You are standing in an open field west of a white house.
     There is a mountain lion here.
     You are holding: A camera on a stick. A bean bag. A ball.

>POKE MOUNTAIN LION

     What do you want to poke the mountain lion with?

>POKE MOUNTAIN LION WITH STICK

You dropped your camera!

     You are standing in an open field west of a white house.
     There is a mountain lion here.
     You see: a camera.
     You are holding: A bean bag. A ball. A stick.

>GET CAMERA

The mountain lion doesn't want you to get the camera!

     You are in in front of a white house. You see: a mountain lion.
     [...]
posted by Joe in Australia at 3:45 AM on April 14, 2015 [157 favorites]


mountain lion was first spotted onMonday April 13 . . .

P-22 was first spotted in 2013 when National Geographic captured a picture of it standing in front of the Hollywood sign.


Heavens to Murgatroyd! What you've got there is obviously a leopard.
posted by Herodios at 3:49 AM on April 14, 2015 [10 favorites]


>LEAVE PILE OF FRESHLY IRONED LAUNDRY NEARBY AND TURN BACK FOR LIKE 2 SECONDS
posted by EndsOfInvention at 3:51 AM on April 14, 2015 [50 favorites]


Can't they trank the big galoot?
posted by GallonOfAlan at 4:05 AM on April 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


Squatter's rights!
posted by Slinga at 4:21 AM on April 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


Spread out some important papers and he will come lay on them.
posted by desjardins at 4:29 AM on April 14, 2015 [25 favorites]


Or open your laptop.


Or hold out your finger and see if it wants a boop.
posted by louche mustachio at 4:31 AM on April 14, 2015 [16 favorites]


Can't they trank the big galoot?

I was wondering the same thing. Perhaps there isn't a good way to access the space to get him out?
posted by bardophile at 4:32 AM on April 14, 2015


the cougar remains unimpressed.


Yes, definitely a cat of some sort.
posted by louche mustachio at 4:33 AM on April 14, 2015 [25 favorites]


Should have bought Lisa's rock.
posted by Drinky Die at 4:40 AM on April 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


this is my favorite thread of all time.

why don't they just crack open a can of wet cat food?

if i ever can't find my cats, i just need to tap the can on the counter and open it. they come running from the freaking attic.

also, a long piece of string tied to stick is a good enticer.
posted by sio42 at 4:54 AM on April 14, 2015 [3 favorites]


A laser pointer would do the trick too.
posted by mbd1mbd1 at 5:03 AM on April 14, 2015 [5 favorites]


Little yip dog, solve two problems.
posted by sammyo at 5:07 AM on April 14, 2015 [40 favorites]


Can't they trank the big galoot?

Or find a really big binder clip
posted by TedW at 5:08 AM on April 14, 2015 [12 favorites]


Another strategy they tried was to fire tennis ball cannon towards the crawl space hoping that if not the balls then at least the noise and racket would scare it.

Right, scaring a cat by throwing things at it and making a loud noise is totally going to convince it to leave its den. I can't believe it didn't work.

I'm thinking they should just put up a sign saying Premises Protected by Mountain Lion and let it stay.
posted by jeather at 5:14 AM on April 14, 2015 [28 favorites]


Mountain lion hiding under L.A. home can’t be forced out

What, has he lawyered up?
posted by chavenet at 5:15 AM on April 14, 2015 [12 favorites]


I am aware that "poke it with a stick" is a long-standing scientific technique, but when a live mountain lion is the subject I'm ready to move on to an alternate hypothesis.
posted by delfin at 5:17 AM on April 14, 2015 [16 favorites]


Surely they need to get a really really large cardboard box?
YouTube: "Big cats like boxes too!".

P-22 was first spotted in 2013 when National Geographic captured a picture of it standing in front of the Hollywood sign.
"Having heard through the grapevine that a cougar was once spotted in Cher’s backyard (...)".
posted by iviken at 5:32 AM on April 14, 2015 [6 favorites]


Shake the treats bag!
posted by amanda at 5:39 AM on April 14, 2015 [5 favorites]


I wonder if this wasn't some Hollywood-type's pet. Has anyone contacted Burt Reynolds?
posted by amanda at 5:41 AM on April 14, 2015


Offer it the damn role already.
posted by spitbull at 6:07 AM on April 14, 2015 [4 favorites]


Just tell it that the show stopped using its hackneyed premise very quickly into the first season and pivoted into a gentle show about family, found and otherwise. Maybe they'd like a glass of wine?
posted by kmz at 6:17 AM on April 14, 2015 [5 favorites]


On reflection maybe they can't trank him because like anaesthetic you need to know the weight because you need to get the dosage exactly right.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 6:23 AM on April 14, 2015


A mountain lion once peed on my tent (not while I was inside). Holy mother of Elvis that was an unbelievable stench. I had to throw the tent away. These people might end up wanting to burn their house down.
posted by barchan at 6:34 AM on April 14, 2015 [6 favorites]


How about a ball of catnip as big as a tumbleweed?
posted by wenestvedt at 6:36 AM on April 14, 2015 [4 favorites]


"Make a housecat joke again. Make a housecat joke again, I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker, make a housecat joke one more goddamn time!" --Jules Winnfield, upon reading this thread
posted by ktoad at 6:41 AM on April 14, 2015 [7 favorites]


At first, they tried to provoke the cougar by poking it with a long prod. . .

Do not taunt happy fun ball.
posted by The Bellman at 6:53 AM on April 14, 2015 [3 favorites]


Forget it, Jake.
posted by ursus_comiter at 6:53 AM on April 14, 2015 [10 favorites]


Can't they lure it out with a tuna fish sandwich or does that only work on tigers?
posted by bondcliff at 6:54 AM on April 14, 2015 [6 favorites]


Tell it that you want to read its screenplay.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 6:55 AM on April 14, 2015 [7 favorites]


A cougar, you say? Whisper to it that Mila Kunis is seeing someone new so Ashton Kutcher is available again. Then mention that there's a Lulu Lemon tent sale tomorrow, and offer it a ride with you in your convertible.

The big cat will be suspicious, so be ready with a net or dart gun!

(Was that awfully sexist? Sometimes I am unsure where the line is. Sorry.)
posted by wenestvedt at 6:59 AM on April 14, 2015


So we're out of cat jokes and now we're doing LA jokes. Got it. Next up would be crawlspace jokes, I guess? Anybody got any good crawlspace jokes?

Because Google is not much help there...
posted by Naberius at 7:02 AM on April 14, 2015 [3 favorites]


Anybody got any good crawlspace jokes?

They need to call these guys.
posted by srboisvert at 7:08 AM on April 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


Maybe she's about to have babies. :(
posted by yoga at 7:12 AM on April 14, 2015


CPS vindicated!
posted by maxwelton at 7:14 AM on April 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


They need to call these guys.

Referral Denied
You don't have permission to access "http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTIyNTcyMzMxMF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMDYxNjEzMQ@@._V1_SX640_SY720_.jpg" on this server.


What is it?? WHAT IS IT?? I MUST SEE THE CRAWLSPACE JOKES!
posted by nevercalm at 7:15 AM on April 14, 2015 [5 favorites]


The purring is coming from inside the house!

I know a nice bodega cat gig in NYC if kitty is willing to do the bicoastal thing.

UNDER the house you idiot!

There I just did all three categories.
posted by spitbull at 7:17 AM on April 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


Goddamn gentrification.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 7:37 AM on April 14, 2015 [4 favorites]


...but all they managed to do was to lose the GoPro camera attached to the prod which at one point fell off.

"Hey 'tubers, welcome to vlog #437 from CrawlspaceCoug. Today I'm going dig out a new space to bed down, then maybe do a little deer hunting. Also, big news for my channel, Animal Planet is sending someone over to discuss a show, so keep your fingers crossed."
posted by 445supermag at 7:44 AM on April 14, 2015 [14 favorites]


P-22 and the challenges of a diverse gene pool for city mountain lions (also a photo from that time he was exposed to rat poison.) A history of P-22. P-22 in the news last year, recovering from ailments.
posted by jetlagaddict at 7:50 AM on April 14, 2015 [5 favorites]


also a photo from that time he was exposed to rat poison

He looks pretty grumpy. But I guess if I had to choose between incest and crossing a busy freeway to prevent inbreeding from killing my population I'd be grumpy.

The wildlife overpass is a neat idea, though.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 8:10 AM on April 14, 2015


P-22... so, "Petey," right?
posted by gusandrews at 8:20 AM on April 14, 2015


Maybe P-22 learned about houses from a friend?
posted by mosk at 8:21 AM on April 14, 2015


Stop calling him P-22. He's not gonna answer to that. His name is WHO'S A KITTY! YOU'RE A KITTY! KITTY!
posted by bitter-girl.com at 8:24 AM on April 14, 2015 [13 favorites]


What is it?? WHAT IS IT?? I MUST SEE THE CRAWLSPACE JOKES!

nevercalm, what we need here is some Randolph Mantooth.

(Although, actually, there was an episode that was going to be a spin-off, involving Animal Control. There was a tiger in an attic. And baby Mark Harmon had to go get it out.)
posted by Katemonkey at 8:56 AM on April 14, 2015


Awww, if they built him a better cave lair he'd probably go in there as soon as he felt safe enough.
posted by amtho at 9:03 AM on April 14, 2015


Calling King Ad Rock!
posted by symbioid at 9:03 AM on April 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


They need to call these guys.

My Bad. It was a picture of the Emergency TV series DVD.

They were constantly in crawlspaces.
posted by srboisvert at 9:06 AM on April 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


Perhaps the Russian fire dpt could handle this like they did this Cat in tree or perhaps not since we are having a drought.
posted by boilermonster at 9:08 AM on April 14, 2015


And bitter-girl is correct.

I get that there's concerns about the human population and all, but man, if the cat ain't hurtin' nobody and he's pretty chill when you're being a dick to it, maybe just, let him be. I know - some of it is for his own protection, because humans are right filthy bastards, so... *sigh*

Still, I just want to adopt him. He can come live in my room!
posted by symbioid at 9:10 AM on April 14, 2015


Can't they trank the big galoot?

There is concern because of a mountain lion that died after being tranquilized in Temecula last month. Very sad. Although there was also a successful event a couple weeks ago in Upland.

We have a lot of cats here. :)
posted by Celsius1414 at 9:16 AM on April 14, 2015


Also I suspect they don't want to relocate him per se, since he has been quite happy hanging out in Griffith Park. If they annoy him out of his den he hopefully won't go back, which he might if they just tranq him and move him back to Griffith.
posted by tavella at 9:30 AM on April 14, 2015


Update: apparently he moved out while wildlife officials were conferring on new plans.
posted by tavella at 9:44 AM on April 14, 2015 [3 favorites]


I get that there's concerns about the human population and all, but man, if the cat ain't hurtin' nobody and he's pretty chill when you're being a dick to it, maybe just, let him be

I mean, I'm all for not disturbing wildlife, but... I also would not really enjoy the experience of living in a house with a mountain lion in my crawlspace, potentially in an area where I might need to access plumbing or electrical work.
posted by palomar at 9:44 AM on April 14, 2015 [4 favorites]


what we need here is some Randolph Mantooth

To personally demonstrate a Dyna-Gym™ to the puma?

I'm sure P-22 wants more from life than that.
 
posted by Herodios at 9:44 AM on April 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


Update: apparently he moved out while wildlife officials were conferring on new plans

Exit: stage left.
 
posted by Herodios at 9:46 AM on April 14, 2015 [8 favorites]


LOL reminds me of my asshole boss who bought a brand new house out in Pacific Palisades. Contractors were doing some work when they found a skunk in the crawl space. They called animal control to remove it. It sprayed everywhere, the house was instantly uninhabitable. They spent weeks trying to decontaminate the house, to little effect.

My initial reaction was, damn I wish I thought of that, where can I buy some skunks?
posted by charlie don't surf at 9:47 AM on April 14, 2015 [3 favorites]


Update: apparently he moved out while wildlife officials were conferring on new plans.

I think they mean, wildlife officials were working their way down the helpful list of tactics MetaFilter provided overnight and one of them worked. We're from the Internet, and we're here to help.

You're welcome, LA Homeowner.
posted by hippybear at 9:50 AM on April 14, 2015 [4 favorites]


YouTube: "Big cats like boxes too!".

Of course, the big big cats have to destroy a box to varying degrees before settling in.
posted by weston at 9:51 AM on April 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


Skunks are awesome! San Diego has a nice robust population of skunks, and in the spring you'd see mama and baby skunks playing around in the local parks at night. They're basically just mobile tails that run around in the grass.
posted by Existential Dread at 9:58 AM on April 14, 2015 [3 favorites]


Update: apparently he moved out while wildlife officials were conferring on new plans.

Cats are weird.
posted by iviken at 10:08 AM on April 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


Skunks are awesome!

This ice cream place I used to go to was at the corner of the woods where a family of skunks lived. So you could sit outside and watch as twice a night, the skunks would come out, freak out all the tourists who would leave their ice creams and disappear, and then eat the leftover ice cream.

It was a particularly impressive trick. They didn't care if people stuck around, and they had no intention of actually spraying, they just really liked ice cream.
posted by jeather at 10:20 AM on April 14, 2015 [15 favorites]


I'll bet it just wandered off to find Kim Bauer.
posted by stevis23 at 10:24 AM on April 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


P-22 has become something of a cult figure

Stay tuned for the new HBO documentary, "Going Crawlspace"
posted by argonauta at 10:27 AM on April 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


P-22 is credited with the best Facebook status update ever: "I am healthy and recovered from mange."
posted by virago at 10:54 AM on April 14, 2015 [1 favorite]




Stop calling him P-22. He's not gonna answer to that.

P-22 is his designation. P-22 he shall be. The story of P-22 is a mid twentieth-century dystopian sci-fi novel, for mountain lions.
posted by D.C. at 11:53 AM on April 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


look, it's this simple - you get a tiger, you send the tiger under the house to chase out the cougar, then the tiger leaves - unless the tiger doesn't leave and you have to get a lion to chase the tiger out so the tiger will leave - then the lion leaves, unless he doesn't leave - then you get a honey badger to chase the lion out and then the honey badger leaves - unless he doesn't leave, in which case you're screwed because honey badger doesn't give a shit
posted by pyramid termite at 12:38 PM on April 14, 2015 [4 favorites]


they tried to provoke the cougar by poking it with a long prod
Just try that in Pullman, WA.
posted by Cranberry at 1:41 PM on April 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


what we need here is some Randolph Mantooth

Ok, since that was addressed to me, I really should share this...

So growing up, my favorite show was Emergency, and I was always John Gage. Man, I worshipped him like nobody's business...wanted to be a fireman when I grew up, help people, be all slick, the whole thing.

Fast forward a few years, one of my first gigs in showbiz was on a soap opera that ended and then became (as some soaps do) a whole other show that didn't last very long. Terrible show, but a great gig...the crew was truly bent and awesome, and most of the cast was pretty cool and ok to work with. One guy in particular was a bit of a tool to all of us, tough to work with, chewed scenery, the whole thing. We generally worked at least 16 hour days, but this one guy's days were always longer. We all griped about him, but me being green and young, I bitched louder and longer at times than I really should've. Randy was truly a pain in the ass.

So one day someone happened to mention Emergency. I told a group of the guys all about how I worshipped John Gage, the whole bit. I noticed a couple of the guys were elbowing each other, until one of them finally broke up. I still had no clue what they were laughing about, so one of them filled me in that "your best friend over there? The maestro of overtime that you hate so much? You know, Randy? That's Randolph Mantooth, who played your hero Gage. Why don't you go give him a hug?"

Yeah, not my best moment. Anyway, no matter what, or when, we will never need some Randolph Mantooth!
posted by nevercalm at 7:32 PM on April 14, 2015 [6 favorites]


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