That’s the problem with humans. We have too much ambition.
May 8, 2015 3:47 PM Subscribe
Who died and made this guy Andy Rooney?
oh, right
posted by thelonius at 3:51 PM on May 8, 2015 [27 favorites]
oh, right
posted by thelonius at 3:51 PM on May 8, 2015 [27 favorites]
These articles always seem off to me. I get all kinds of encouragement from runners when my fatty ass is out walking or jogging. And, in particular, during organized 5k's and mud runs freaking everyone involved is cheering everyone on.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 3:53 PM on May 8, 2015 [12 favorites]
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 3:53 PM on May 8, 2015 [12 favorites]
Who died and made this guy Andy Rooney?
Roon Forrest, Rooooon!
posted by phaedon at 3:56 PM on May 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
Roon Forrest, Rooooon!
posted by phaedon at 3:56 PM on May 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
I know people whose social media presences are basically all running now (don't we all?) and on the one hand, it's sort of weird how they all turn into robots. But on the other hand, whatever, they found something they really enjoy doing and they want to talk about it, it's not like they're forcing me to listen. (Thankfully I don't know any runners who try to make you care about their running.) And on the third hand, I wonder sometimes if, at least for the women, running is one of the few things you can still talk about online without having a hate parade follow your online persona around everywhere threatening to rape you.
So, I guess I'm okay with this after all.
posted by chrominance at 3:56 PM on May 8, 2015 [9 favorites]
So, I guess I'm okay with this after all.
posted by chrominance at 3:56 PM on May 8, 2015 [9 favorites]
You know who I hate? Cosmonauts. Ohhh, Valentina Tereshkova, you think you're so great just because you've been to space and I haven't? That's sooooooooo interesting.
posted by Drinky Die at 3:56 PM on May 8, 2015 [60 favorites]
posted by Drinky Die at 3:56 PM on May 8, 2015 [60 favorites]
Jeez, I feel horrible for the MetaFilter users who are runners and enjoy Sucker Punch and Cards Against Humanity. Rough couple of days.
posted by Diskeater at 3:59 PM on May 8, 2015 [112 favorites]
posted by Diskeater at 3:59 PM on May 8, 2015 [112 favorites]
I went in expecting to be really annoyed by this, but it was actually pretty funny.
posted by Gymnopedist at 4:01 PM on May 8, 2015 [11 favorites]
posted by Gymnopedist at 4:01 PM on May 8, 2015 [11 favorites]
"Prometheus" -- seriously? Or is he being ironic?
posted by Borborygmus at 4:03 PM on May 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Borborygmus at 4:03 PM on May 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
Jeez, I feel horrible for the MetaFilter users who are runners and enjoy Sucker Punch and Cards Against Humanity
You mean ME???? Arghhhhh
Actually whatever, this is like the most drivel hate-on I've ever read. Runners and yogurt? Are they broadcasting this directly from 1998?
posted by easter queen at 4:04 PM on May 8, 2015 [17 favorites]
You mean ME???? Arghhhhh
Actually whatever, this is like the most drivel hate-on I've ever read. Runners and yogurt? Are they broadcasting this directly from 1998?
posted by easter queen at 4:04 PM on May 8, 2015 [17 favorites]
Having lived through the 70s and its anti-jogging backlash, I assume this guy plagiarized his rant from the microfiche archives. Or Dave Barry.
posted by benzenedream at 4:04 PM on May 8, 2015 [32 favorites]
posted by benzenedream at 4:04 PM on May 8, 2015 [32 favorites]
I feel horrible for the MetaFilter users who are runners and enjoy Sucker Punch and Cards Against Humanity
Yeah, well, they need to know how it is.
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 4:06 PM on May 8, 2015 [16 favorites]
Yeah, well, they need to know how it is.
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 4:06 PM on May 8, 2015 [16 favorites]
Sorry guy, didn't realize I was on yr lawn.
posted by dudemanlives at 4:06 PM on May 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by dudemanlives at 4:06 PM on May 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
I get FB posts about:
How to get enough protein on a mostly vegetarian diet.
Logs of mileage.
Pictures of the 7 pairs of running shoes and their functions.
Gee, we had a great run today, my life is awesome.
I shaved 1:37.54368 minutes off of my 5K speed. My life is awesome.
I used to be fat, now I run every day. My life is awesome.
Goals for 5K, 10K, half marathons, marathons, nature runs, tough mudder...
Updates about their run. Today's was nice because sun, weather, friends, kids...
But, I think the author was trying to be hyperbolic and funny. Maybe hard to tell if you're a runner. Now shut up, I don't care that you got a tough 7 miles in this morning before you blended a green drink.
posted by Chuffy at 4:07 PM on May 8, 2015 [9 favorites]
How to get enough protein on a mostly vegetarian diet.
Logs of mileage.
Pictures of the 7 pairs of running shoes and their functions.
Gee, we had a great run today, my life is awesome.
I shaved 1:37.54368 minutes off of my 5K speed. My life is awesome.
I used to be fat, now I run every day. My life is awesome.
Goals for 5K, 10K, half marathons, marathons, nature runs, tough mudder...
Updates about their run. Today's was nice because sun, weather, friends, kids...
But, I think the author was trying to be hyperbolic and funny. Maybe hard to tell if you're a runner. Now shut up, I don't care that you got a tough 7 miles in this morning before you blended a green drink.
posted by Chuffy at 4:07 PM on May 8, 2015 [9 favorites]
The problem is if all the runners had to shut up, they'd all just take up CrossFit and then where would we be?
posted by Space Coyote at 4:07 PM on May 8, 2015 [33 favorites]
posted by Space Coyote at 4:07 PM on May 8, 2015 [33 favorites]
I'm sure there must be people like this, but I don't know any and I belong to a running club.
posted by Horselover Fat at 4:08 PM on May 8, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Horselover Fat at 4:08 PM on May 8, 2015 [2 favorites]
If I've learned anything from metafilter this week it's that if you like something, heaven forbid, don't ever tell anyone.
posted by hellojed at 4:09 PM on May 8, 2015 [97 favorites]
posted by hellojed at 4:09 PM on May 8, 2015 [97 favorites]
The problem is if all the runners had to shut up, they'd all just take up CrossFit and then where would we be?
We would finally have the impetus to initiate a mass suicide of planet-saving scale.
posted by Wolfdog at 4:10 PM on May 8, 2015 [5 favorites]
We would finally have the impetus to initiate a mass suicide of planet-saving scale.
posted by Wolfdog at 4:10 PM on May 8, 2015 [5 favorites]
Jeez, I feel horrible for the MetaFilter users who are runners
For what it's worth, I am a runner (just finished marathon number god-knows-how-many) and I enjoyed the hyperbole.
posted by psoas at 4:14 PM on May 8, 2015 [8 favorites]
For what it's worth, I am a runner (just finished marathon number god-knows-how-many) and I enjoyed the hyperbole.
posted by psoas at 4:14 PM on May 8, 2015 [8 favorites]
I run because it gets me high.
posted by srboisvert at 4:14 PM on May 8, 2015 [9 favorites]
posted by srboisvert at 4:14 PM on May 8, 2015 [9 favorites]
The Evster? I'm not sure I can take comedy seriously from a "The Evster."
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:15 PM on May 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:15 PM on May 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
I assume this guy plagiarized his rant from the microfiche archives. Or Dave Barry.
Y'know, I was wondering if Mr. Barry did a column like this. Nope, he did an entire book.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 4:15 PM on May 8, 2015 [6 favorites]
Y'know, I was wondering if Mr. Barry did a column like this. Nope, he did an entire book.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 4:15 PM on May 8, 2015 [6 favorites]
If I've learned anything from metafilter this week it's that if you like something, heaven forbid, don't ever tell anyone
That's what I've been thinking this week-- Metafilter, a great place to go and hate on shit, but oh my god do NOT go there if you like things
Most people are really into posting about their running because it keeps them on track, I'd imagine, and being someone who runs regularly is a sign that you are taking care of yourself and getting your shit together. When I was running I was like really living my best life, basically. Posting on social media is that little reward thing for a lot of people. I literally cannot imagine being annoyed by someone posting about the thing making their life better unless I just hate them in the first place in which case I block them on Facebook. This is like the quintessence of ughhh, why are people so fat, and then when they exercise why are they so annoying about it?? See why do women wear makeup, I mean they need it because they're ugly but it's so fake!
I'm just waiting for the post this week about how people who have babies are SOOO BORING and why do they have to love them and post pictures of them on Facebook I mean it's everybody's Facebook not just theirs c'mon think of the childr-- oh wait
In conclusion I hate this article writer, and everybody else, about as much as he/she hates runners.
posted by easter queen at 4:15 PM on May 8, 2015 [27 favorites]
That's what I've been thinking this week-- Metafilter, a great place to go and hate on shit, but oh my god do NOT go there if you like things
Most people are really into posting about their running because it keeps them on track, I'd imagine, and being someone who runs regularly is a sign that you are taking care of yourself and getting your shit together. When I was running I was like really living my best life, basically. Posting on social media is that little reward thing for a lot of people. I literally cannot imagine being annoyed by someone posting about the thing making their life better unless I just hate them in the first place in which case I block them on Facebook. This is like the quintessence of ughhh, why are people so fat, and then when they exercise why are they so annoying about it?? See why do women wear makeup, I mean they need it because they're ugly but it's so fake!
I'm just waiting for the post this week about how people who have babies are SOOO BORING and why do they have to love them and post pictures of them on Facebook I mean it's everybody's Facebook not just theirs c'mon think of the childr-- oh wait
In conclusion I hate this article writer, and everybody else, about as much as he/she hates runners.
posted by easter queen at 4:15 PM on May 8, 2015 [27 favorites]
Is something wrong with people today? This article isn't serious.
posted by axiom at 4:16 PM on May 8, 2015 [31 favorites]
posted by axiom at 4:16 PM on May 8, 2015 [31 favorites]
I find that many people who are obsessed with sports — runners being a member of the genus — are happy to talk to others at length about their favorite sport, whether or not the other party is even vaguely interested. Knowing not to be like that is a talent that some people don't have.
I dunno, I talked to anyone who would listen about Ulysses for years. At least running will keep you living a few years longer.
posted by cobra libre at 4:22 PM on May 8, 2015 [8 favorites]
I dunno, I talked to anyone who would listen about Ulysses for years. At least running will keep you living a few years longer.
posted by cobra libre at 4:22 PM on May 8, 2015 [8 favorites]
at least the damn poker craze seems to be over
posted by thelonius at 4:25 PM on May 8, 2015 [13 favorites]
posted by thelonius at 4:25 PM on May 8, 2015 [13 favorites]
I thought this was funny! Most of my friends are lazy, I guess, because I don't hear too much of this, but there are a couple who have apps that automatically tweet how many miles they ran that day. Man, no one cares. If you want to tell us, at least compose a tweet. "Went for a run! Saw a cat chasing a squirrel! Beautiful day!"
But auto-tweeting apps in general bother me. The worst is Untappd. You seriously all sound like alcoholics.
posted by desjardins at 4:25 PM on May 8, 2015 [13 favorites]
But auto-tweeting apps in general bother me. The worst is Untappd. You seriously all sound like alcoholics.
posted by desjardins at 4:25 PM on May 8, 2015 [13 favorites]
That was a really funny article.
A bunch of my friends participated in an event called the "Electric Run" last year. It's a 5K run with dance music and a light show - kind of a horizontal rave. It was a really hilarious collision of ideas: I will happily put on ridiculous clothes and bounce up and down in place to the beat for hours at a time, but the minute you suggest that maybe I could try exactly doing exactly the same thing but maybe you know without the back-step, just the forward-step, it suddenly starts to sound like yucky healthy good-for-you boring hard work instead of wicked fun rage-all-night party.
People are weird, and I am definitely a people.
posted by Mars Saxman at 4:29 PM on May 8, 2015 [10 favorites]
A bunch of my friends participated in an event called the "Electric Run" last year. It's a 5K run with dance music and a light show - kind of a horizontal rave. It was a really hilarious collision of ideas: I will happily put on ridiculous clothes and bounce up and down in place to the beat for hours at a time, but the minute you suggest that maybe I could try exactly doing exactly the same thing but maybe you know without the back-step, just the forward-step, it suddenly starts to sound like yucky healthy good-for-you boring hard work instead of wicked fun rage-all-night party.
People are weird, and I am definitely a people.
posted by Mars Saxman at 4:29 PM on May 8, 2015 [10 favorites]
Skipping is still cool though right
posted by echocollate at 4:29 PM on May 8, 2015 [12 favorites]
posted by echocollate at 4:29 PM on May 8, 2015 [12 favorites]
Runners couldn't possibly be more obnoxious than the people who have turned their lives into CrossFit. At least running is a sport with measurable outcomes.
posted by indubitable at 4:31 PM on May 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by indubitable at 4:31 PM on May 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
I've been running regularly for 4 years now and will admit that for the first two years I did talk about my running quite frequently on social media (specifically twitter). As has been mentioned above, the nice thing about this is that the unfollow button is right there for people who do not like to follow along and read about such things.
I will say this: I found many close friends because of running AND twitter. People who were complete strangers that I found through twitter and then met during various 5k, 10k, half-marathons. I don't talk about it as much any more but I still have a solid group of followers that I know primarily through running based activities. We bonded over running but the friendships have seen expanded into other social interactions.
I think that need to talk about it sort of drops after while. I know that I talked about it so often in the early stages of my running life because I was new to it and needed the motivation and the support and the advice.
To each their own.
posted by Fizz at 4:31 PM on May 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
I will say this: I found many close friends because of running AND twitter. People who were complete strangers that I found through twitter and then met during various 5k, 10k, half-marathons. I don't talk about it as much any more but I still have a solid group of followers that I know primarily through running based activities. We bonded over running but the friendships have seen expanded into other social interactions.
I think that need to talk about it sort of drops after while. I know that I talked about it so often in the early stages of my running life because I was new to it and needed the motivation and the support and the advice.
To each their own.
posted by Fizz at 4:31 PM on May 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
Jeez, I feel horrible for the MetaFilter users who are runners and enjoy Sucker Punch and Cards Against Humanity
I don't know, I feel like we should have our own MetaFilter Supervillain club, membership determined by the number of things you like that MetaFilter hates.
We'll listen to Katy Perry and drink cocktails that make your bartender roll their eyes at you while lounging around it Lilly Pulitzer for Target. And afterward, we'll go for a run.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 4:36 PM on May 8, 2015 [28 favorites]
I don't know, I feel like we should have our own MetaFilter Supervillain club, membership determined by the number of things you like that MetaFilter hates.
We'll listen to Katy Perry and drink cocktails that make your bartender roll their eyes at you while lounging around it Lilly Pulitzer for Target. And afterward, we'll go for a run.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 4:36 PM on May 8, 2015 [28 favorites]
The worst part about runners is that they’re constantly reminding us that they’re runners. Ordering salad. Wearing fitbits. JOGGING IN PLACE at every red light.
My old running club, full of people who do crazy shit like see if they can do 52 marathons in 52 weeks, has arule in the actual bylaws that FORBID jogging in place.
I don't think they would kick you out or anything, but it was made clear that jogging in place at red lights makes you look a complete dumbass.
posted by sideshow at 4:37 PM on May 8, 2015 [7 favorites]
My old running club, full of people who do crazy shit like see if they can do 52 marathons in 52 weeks, has arule in the actual bylaws that FORBID jogging in place.
I don't think they would kick you out or anything, but it was made clear that jogging in place at red lights makes you look a complete dumbass.
posted by sideshow at 4:37 PM on May 8, 2015 [7 favorites]
It's a self-deprecating rant, folks.
posted by desuetude at 4:41 PM on May 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by desuetude at 4:41 PM on May 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
Jeez, I feel horrible for the MetaFilter users who are runners and enjoy Sucker Punch and Cards Against Humanity
Your favorite everything sucks.
posted by Justinian at 4:43 PM on May 8, 2015
Your favorite everything sucks.
posted by Justinian at 4:43 PM on May 8, 2015
I've been running on the treadmill several times a week for a couple months now, so the other night I figured hey, I should do some IRL running this time, kick it up a notch
I NEARLY DIED
posted by Doleful Creature at 4:53 PM on May 8, 2015 [21 favorites]
I NEARLY DIED
posted by Doleful Creature at 4:53 PM on May 8, 2015 [21 favorites]
And, in particular, during organized 5k's and mud runs freaking everyone involved is cheering everyone on.
Like those two people I met before the SaMo X-mas 5K race who waited for me at the finish line in the pouring rain because they knew I'd come alone.
I have no beef with runners, and I'm a real crank.
posted by Room 641-A at 4:54 PM on May 8, 2015 [8 favorites]
Like those two people I met before the SaMo X-mas 5K race who waited for me at the finish line in the pouring rain because they knew I'd come alone.
I have no beef with runners, and I'm a real crank.
posted by Room 641-A at 4:54 PM on May 8, 2015 [8 favorites]
What I'm trying to say is I have zero problems about runners who want to talk about it. Because they must be superhumans to be so into such an obviously horrific experience.
I wonder if I hung out with some real runners if their super powers would transfer to me. That would be nice.
posted by Doleful Creature at 4:55 PM on May 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
I wonder if I hung out with some real runners if their super powers would transfer to me. That would be nice.
posted by Doleful Creature at 4:55 PM on May 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
In January, while preparing for an 8.5 mile race, I had just finished mile 1 of a 7 mile training run and was stopped at a red light. When the light changed, I stepped off the curb and something popped in my knee. I thought I'd just be able to shake it off, but I couldn't even support myself on it. My partner and I thought we'd walk back to the car but I wasn't even able to walk a hundred yards.
Long story short, I'd "smushed" (but not torn) some meniscus and I'd bruised my bone. I didn't even know a bone could be bruised, but damn if I didn't do it.
So I was on crutches for a few weeks, then in PT and I've only just this past week been allowed to go running again.
During those months where I wasn't running, I put on nearly 20 pounds (no diet change, just inactivity) and my depression became so bad that I've seriously considered suicide in a "I am planning to kill myself later let's price stuff that I can swallow that will kill me" way, not in my normal "wish I were dead" way.
I started running again last week (with my doctor's ok and just a mile and at a very slow pace) and just that little change has made a small but perceptible difference in my life already.
I don't run fast and I'm probably not going to be running far again any time soon, but it improves my mental and physical health when I do in noticeable ways.
I don't find this satirical piece especially funny (I'm not at a point right now where I'm able to laugh off being included on a list of bad people next to members of ISIS) but I can see why other people would find it funny and don't begrudge the writer for writing it or anyone for laughing at it.
I'm just grateful that being back out on the road has made me hate myself a little less and has helped lessen the depression.
/buzzkill
posted by Joey Michaels at 4:55 PM on May 8, 2015 [46 favorites]
Long story short, I'd "smushed" (but not torn) some meniscus and I'd bruised my bone. I didn't even know a bone could be bruised, but damn if I didn't do it.
So I was on crutches for a few weeks, then in PT and I've only just this past week been allowed to go running again.
During those months where I wasn't running, I put on nearly 20 pounds (no diet change, just inactivity) and my depression became so bad that I've seriously considered suicide in a "I am planning to kill myself later let's price stuff that I can swallow that will kill me" way, not in my normal "wish I were dead" way.
I started running again last week (with my doctor's ok and just a mile and at a very slow pace) and just that little change has made a small but perceptible difference in my life already.
I don't run fast and I'm probably not going to be running far again any time soon, but it improves my mental and physical health when I do in noticeable ways.
I don't find this satirical piece especially funny (I'm not at a point right now where I'm able to laugh off being included on a list of bad people next to members of ISIS) but I can see why other people would find it funny and don't begrudge the writer for writing it or anyone for laughing at it.
I'm just grateful that being back out on the road has made me hate myself a little less and has helped lessen the depression.
/buzzkill
posted by Joey Michaels at 4:55 PM on May 8, 2015 [46 favorites]
Is something wrong with people today? This article isn't serious.
This FPP might be one of the best dog whistles ever for identifying people who didn't RTFA. It's not just not what you assumed, it's the exact opposite of what you assumed.
I thought it was really funny.
Also, light salad dressing is an abomination.
posted by telegraph at 4:56 PM on May 8, 2015 [5 favorites]
This FPP might be one of the best dog whistles ever for identifying people who didn't RTFA. It's not just not what you assumed, it's the exact opposite of what you assumed.
I thought it was really funny.
Also, light salad dressing is an abomination.
posted by telegraph at 4:56 PM on May 8, 2015 [5 favorites]
I don't know, I feel like we should have our own MetaFilter Supervillain club, membership determined by the number of things you like that MetaFilter hates.
We'll listen to Katy Perry and drink cocktails that make your bartender roll their eyes at you while lounging around it Lilly Pulitzer for Target. And afterward, we'll go for a run.
What's with all of these whippersnappers hating on Amanda Fucking Palmer, Reddit and Hipsters? Back in my Metafilter generation it was Cory Doctorow, Professional White Background and Little Green Footballs.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 4:57 PM on May 8, 2015 [29 favorites]
We'll listen to Katy Perry and drink cocktails that make your bartender roll their eyes at you while lounging around it Lilly Pulitzer for Target. And afterward, we'll go for a run.
What's with all of these whippersnappers hating on Amanda Fucking Palmer, Reddit and Hipsters? Back in my Metafilter generation it was Cory Doctorow, Professional White Background and Little Green Footballs.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 4:57 PM on May 8, 2015 [29 favorites]
Hey, people need SOMETHING to take their minds off the bottomless hole of despair that is their life.
posted by rankfreudlite at 4:58 PM on May 8, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by rankfreudlite at 4:58 PM on May 8, 2015 [6 favorites]
I thought it was just us cyclists that got this kind of hate
posted by photoslob at 4:59 PM on May 8, 2015 [16 favorites]
posted by photoslob at 4:59 PM on May 8, 2015 [16 favorites]
Skipping is still cool though right
So long as John Lithgow is still cool.
posted by axiom at 5:01 PM on May 8, 2015
So long as John Lithgow is still cool.
posted by axiom at 5:01 PM on May 8, 2015
I would like to believe that CrossFitters are all really annoying, except that the ones I know are not, and also I am thinking that I might give it a shot in six months or a year since I've been making steady fitness improvements. I need to find a place that is CrossFit For The Comparatively Old, though. I mean, as I understand it you just....do varied, fairly intense workouts regularly? And some people get kind of obsessed with keeping their calves warm and wear ridiculous/fetishy socks at the gym? That's it, right? And some of the workouts involve kettlebells? I love kettlebells.
posted by Frowner at 5:02 PM on May 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by Frowner at 5:02 PM on May 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
This FPP might be one of the best dog whistles ever for identifying people who didn't RTFA. It's not just not what you assumed, it's the exact opposite of what you assumed.
Is it? I mean, halfway through I realized the author wasn't wholly serious, but then by the end I wasn't sure what the point of the article was. Is it actually supposed to be "non-runners, amirite runners? fuck those people!" Because, well, okay, I guess.
posted by chrominance at 5:06 PM on May 8, 2015 [2 favorites]
Is it? I mean, halfway through I realized the author wasn't wholly serious, but then by the end I wasn't sure what the point of the article was. Is it actually supposed to be "non-runners, amirite runners? fuck those people!" Because, well, okay, I guess.
posted by chrominance at 5:06 PM on May 8, 2015 [2 favorites]
I know I shouldn't be like this, but this guy is me. I am this guy. I smile, and go "Wow!" when people tell me about their runs, because I support them doing something they like. But I would literally rather hear about their bowel movements. "Ohh a spikey green one? I'm hooked!"
Also, despite being a hack subject, it is pretty funny, admit it, you healthy buggers.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 5:06 PM on May 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
Also, despite being a hack subject, it is pretty funny, admit it, you healthy buggers.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 5:06 PM on May 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
I thought it was just us cyclists that got this kind of hate
I was about to say - this is why cyclists congregate together. Because we know it will only end badly if I tell you about my Strava KOM times or that wicked set of carbon rims I just bought.
You will also say "Your bike costs HOW MUCH?"
So we don't bother. You're welcome.
posted by GuyZero at 5:08 PM on May 8, 2015 [10 favorites]
I was about to say - this is why cyclists congregate together. Because we know it will only end badly if I tell you about my Strava KOM times or that wicked set of carbon rims I just bought.
You will also say "Your bike costs HOW MUCH?"
So we don't bother. You're welcome.
posted by GuyZero at 5:08 PM on May 8, 2015 [10 favorites]
Also I'm not sure what's up with jogging in place waiting for a light to change. Is that really necessary? I just pace.
posted by GuyZero at 5:09 PM on May 8, 2015
posted by GuyZero at 5:09 PM on May 8, 2015
I'm just glad I have feet.
posted by Kitty Stardust at 5:09 PM on May 8, 2015 [14 favorites]
posted by Kitty Stardust at 5:09 PM on May 8, 2015 [14 favorites]
this is why cyclists congregate together
...I'm an avid cyclist, and I kind of hate all other cyclists. Well, not as much as I hate drivers who can't handle cyclists sharing the road with them. But yeah, fuck cyclists. I don't want to be in your shitty club, I just want to ride my bike dammit.
I guess I just don't play well with others.
posted by Doleful Creature at 5:15 PM on May 8, 2015 [9 favorites]
...I'm an avid cyclist, and I kind of hate all other cyclists. Well, not as much as I hate drivers who can't handle cyclists sharing the road with them. But yeah, fuck cyclists. I don't want to be in your shitty club, I just want to ride my bike dammit.
I guess I just don't play well with others.
posted by Doleful Creature at 5:15 PM on May 8, 2015 [9 favorites]
whoa no kidding
posted by indubitable at 5:16 PM on May 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by indubitable at 5:16 PM on May 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
I find that many people who are obsessed with sports a thing — runners being a member of the genus — are happy to talk to others at length about their favorite sport thing, whether or not the other party is even vaguely interested. Knowing not to be like that is a talent that some people don't have.
FTFY
Don't worry "Evster" I think the thing you're into is stupid too. It makes me wonder if he hates on running because runners are always talking to him about running and he feels like he doesn't get to talk about his writing enough.
posted by VTX at 5:17 PM on May 8, 2015
FTFY
Don't worry "Evster" I think the thing you're into is stupid too. It makes me wonder if he hates on running because runners are always talking to him about running and he feels like he doesn't get to talk about his writing enough.
posted by VTX at 5:17 PM on May 8, 2015
I saw a great t-shirt on a teenager last year. It was black with a huge "I ❤️ H8ERS" (the emoji is a big heart for those without the font). The heart was all sparkly and red and the letters sparkly gold.
I just loved that shirt.
posted by spitbull at 5:28 PM on May 8, 2015 [11 favorites]
I just loved that shirt.
posted by spitbull at 5:28 PM on May 8, 2015 [11 favorites]
MetaFilter: shutttttt uppppppp
posted by tspae at 5:31 PM on May 8, 2015 [11 favorites]
posted by tspae at 5:31 PM on May 8, 2015 [11 favorites]
This part, at least, is spot the fuck on:
That’s the problem with humans. We have too much ambition.posted by Joseph Gurl at 5:33 PM on May 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
Oh, and as dumb as this kind of hate-rant is, most of us are annoyed by "I exercise my life is awesome rad six pack" facebooks/twitters.
But when I see those shits, I just think to myself that the poster's life must actually be pretty wack because that's the only reason I can think of for someone to so vociferously and publicly insist that their life is rad. And then I feel bad for being annoyed and feel okay instead, go on with your running self, hope it fills the void in your life, and if not this, maybe the next thing will. And then I feel glad that my life is nice and relatively void-free enough that I don't need to convince my social media circle that my life is rad and awesome at all times and if they just do whatever new thing I'm doing they'll maybe, just maybe, have a chance at being as rad as I am.
And if this doesn't convince you that my life is almost unspeakably awesome, then I don't know what to do.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 5:40 PM on May 8, 2015 [5 favorites]
But when I see those shits, I just think to myself that the poster's life must actually be pretty wack because that's the only reason I can think of for someone to so vociferously and publicly insist that their life is rad. And then I feel bad for being annoyed and feel okay instead, go on with your running self, hope it fills the void in your life, and if not this, maybe the next thing will. And then I feel glad that my life is nice and relatively void-free enough that I don't need to convince my social media circle that my life is rad and awesome at all times and if they just do whatever new thing I'm doing they'll maybe, just maybe, have a chance at being as rad as I am.
And if this doesn't convince you that my life is almost unspeakably awesome, then I don't know what to do.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 5:40 PM on May 8, 2015 [5 favorites]
Is it? I mean, halfway through I realized the author wasn't wholly serious, but then by the end I wasn't sure what the point of the article was. Is it actually supposed to be "non-runners, amirite runners? fuck those people!" Because, well, okay, I guess.
I RTFA and uh yeah, it basically came off as "I hate runners but I'm making fun of myself and how much I hate them, but mostly I hate them." Which honestly, other people enjoying exercise, even a lot, seems like the most benign thing ever.
Man, you guys are mean.
posted by easter queen at 5:43 PM on May 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
I RTFA and uh yeah, it basically came off as "I hate runners but I'm making fun of myself and how much I hate them, but mostly I hate them." Which honestly, other people enjoying exercise, even a lot, seems like the most benign thing ever.
Man, you guys are mean.
posted by easter queen at 5:43 PM on May 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
It's hard for me to say why I run, because I don't like to pretend it's medication or therapy or spirituality, as I don't think it's a replacement for those. I think I just enjoy it because I feel lazy if I don't run around for no reason and I'd waste those hours anyway.
I don't really try to pollute facebook with it, but I don't really use facebook too much outside of groups. I mostly get my garbage posting out at tumblr.
I guess that's my sage advice if you annoy others by talking about your personal fitness achievements. That's an everything to you, nothing to anyone else kind of topic, and you should get your own blog, preferably one that is easy to use and not covered in wordpress malware.
posted by mccarty.tim at 5:53 PM on May 8, 2015 [2 favorites]
I don't really try to pollute facebook with it, but I don't really use facebook too much outside of groups. I mostly get my garbage posting out at tumblr.
I guess that's my sage advice if you annoy others by talking about your personal fitness achievements. That's an everything to you, nothing to anyone else kind of topic, and you should get your own blog, preferably one that is easy to use and not covered in wordpress malware.
posted by mccarty.tim at 5:53 PM on May 8, 2015 [2 favorites]
I saw a great t-shirt on a teenager last year. It was black with a huge "I ❤️ H8ERS" (the emoji is a big heart for those without the font). The heart was all sparkly and red and the letters sparkly gold.Can I get this in a high-visibility, non-chafing, and fast-drying polyester material?
I just loved that shirt.
posted by mccarty.tim at 5:56 PM on May 8, 2015 [7 favorites]
Give me runners over foodies anyday. No, I do not care where you got your olive oil. Eat and shut up about it.
posted by umberto at 6:06 PM on May 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by umberto at 6:06 PM on May 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
I used to love running, but my knees and hips didn't.
Now I'm a road cyclist. But I don't go on about it at length.
Unless someone mentions bicycles. BECAUSE LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY BICYCLE.
Seriously, though- I miss running, but the only time I'm ever going to run a marathon is if someone is chasing me. And they better be from Ethiopia.
I did recently congratulate a friend who just finished the London marathon by saying, "Hooray! You didn't shit yourself!"
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 6:09 PM on May 8, 2015 [9 favorites]
Now I'm a road cyclist. But I don't go on about it at length.
Unless someone mentions bicycles. BECAUSE LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY BICYCLE.
Seriously, though- I miss running, but the only time I'm ever going to run a marathon is if someone is chasing me. And they better be from Ethiopia.
I did recently congratulate a friend who just finished the London marathon by saying, "Hooray! You didn't shit yourself!"
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 6:09 PM on May 8, 2015 [9 favorites]
I have to jog in place at red lights because once I stop running, even for 20 seconds, I am DONE. It's partly psychological, I'm sure, in that I just can't force myself to start again, but also I only get red faced, super overheated, and torrents of sweat pouring down my face once I stop moving, and it happens fast. And then it won't stop again until the end of my run. And my calves and feet seize up and take the opportunity I gave them by stopping to announce that they ache and I should really go home to bed right now.
So I can run 10km as long as I just don't stop no matter what. But I can't do much more than 1km if I start having little micro breaks at traffic lights.
posted by lollusc at 6:17 PM on May 8, 2015 [13 favorites]
So I can run 10km as long as I just don't stop no matter what. But I can't do much more than 1km if I start having little micro breaks at traffic lights.
posted by lollusc at 6:17 PM on May 8, 2015 [13 favorites]
I don't know, I like it when I can follow their little GPS running-guy icons live on google maps.
posted by StickyCarpet at 6:18 PM on May 8, 2015
posted by StickyCarpet at 6:18 PM on May 8, 2015
I've been running regularly for the last twenty-five years because Army, and I did a marathon in 2002, and I have hated every single fucking step of it except for one time I got a runner's high in 1995 in Korea, and possibly the last seven or so miles of that marathon because I cannot remember crossing mile 19 through the finish line.
I agree with every word of this overwrought, smug, self-satisfied article.
posted by Etrigan at 6:20 PM on May 8, 2015 [6 favorites]
I agree with every word of this overwrought, smug, self-satisfied article.
posted by Etrigan at 6:20 PM on May 8, 2015 [6 favorites]
. No, I do not care where you got your olive oil. Eat and shut up about it.
If a foodie doesn't instagram the meal they're about to eat, did they really eat it?
posted by Fizz at 6:21 PM on May 8, 2015 [5 favorites]
If a foodie doesn't instagram the meal they're about to eat, did they really eat it?
posted by Fizz at 6:21 PM on May 8, 2015 [5 favorites]
I like it when friends post about their runs, because I like hearing about my friends achieving goals, and I suspect I'm partly able to be happy about it because I have no ability or desire to start a running program myself, so it doesn't ping any sort of envy/shame/comparison. Your kid graduated? Great! You ran a marathon? Great! You remodeled your kitchen? Great! I am happy you are doing things that make you happy.
I was once walking with a friend of mine who's run multiple marathons, and she was switching into a jog every few steps, and I laughed and said, "I've tried running in the past, but I hate it. I spend the entire time thinking, 'Why aren't I walking? I love walking. I hate running. I should walk.'" And she laughed and said, "Whenever I'm walking I spend the entire time thinking, 'Why aren't I running? I love running. I hate walking. I should run.'" So I use that conversation to unscientifically conclude that some people have a running gene and some do not and I therefore do not have to feel guilty about not running.
posted by jaguar at 6:25 PM on May 8, 2015 [15 favorites]
I was once walking with a friend of mine who's run multiple marathons, and she was switching into a jog every few steps, and I laughed and said, "I've tried running in the past, but I hate it. I spend the entire time thinking, 'Why aren't I walking? I love walking. I hate running. I should walk.'" And she laughed and said, "Whenever I'm walking I spend the entire time thinking, 'Why aren't I running? I love running. I hate walking. I should run.'" So I use that conversation to unscientifically conclude that some people have a running gene and some do not and I therefore do not have to feel guilty about not running.
posted by jaguar at 6:25 PM on May 8, 2015 [15 favorites]
And some of the workouts involve kettlebells? I love kettlebells.
Somewhere around your 20th Turkish get-up, you might start questioning that love interest.
posted by madajb at 6:34 PM on May 8, 2015
Somewhere around your 20th Turkish get-up, you might start questioning that love interest.
posted by madajb at 6:34 PM on May 8, 2015
I ran varsity track and cross-country in high school and varsity indoor and outdoor track in college (400m & triple jump), and I was very good at it, but now I won't even jog for a bus. Runner's high is a myth.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 6:37 PM on May 8, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Joseph Gurl at 6:37 PM on May 8, 2015 [2 favorites]
They’ve taken over our shared refrigerator with so much lite salad dressing.
Faaaaaaaaaake. No self-respecting running/cycling weenie eats salad dressing.
posted by klanawa at 6:38 PM on May 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
Faaaaaaaaaake. No self-respecting running/cycling weenie eats salad dressing.
posted by klanawa at 6:38 PM on May 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
I get a mild runner's high playing tag with my kids for 5 minutes and always did during "health kicks" over years and "forced running" in childhood -- possibly due to being overweight and always in some sort of endorphin-treated pain while or after running whether in my knees, chest, sides, etc. Running was always a violent act, no matter how I tried to maintain a good form. The best times were when I could run up a mesa and on dirt for miles at the drop of a dime near my apartment. The buzz for me isn't very perceptible until you stop, in much the same way that opioids are less euphoric in the presence of intense pain combined with activity (like physical therapy, ugh), and is kind of annoying after awhile, especially if it keeps going after a shower accompanied by hours of sweating.
Then when I start to get into shape I somehow injure myself somehow every time being overzealous and the really pain comes in. My body was apparently conspiring against me to be in constant pain like those drug addicts that get into car accidents on purpose to get scripts (I knew someone like this once, he was a born-again Christian in denial as well, not a good time). Or I'm just clumsy and almost always "spry" enough to do things that my body shouldn't be letting me do, months before it's ready for such things (or ever, like jump-sprinting down and over a "small" stairway, derp)
posted by aydeejones at 7:00 PM on May 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
Then when I start to get into shape I somehow injure myself somehow every time being overzealous and the really pain comes in. My body was apparently conspiring against me to be in constant pain like those drug addicts that get into car accidents on purpose to get scripts (I knew someone like this once, he was a born-again Christian in denial as well, not a good time). Or I'm just clumsy and almost always "spry" enough to do things that my body shouldn't be letting me do, months before it's ready for such things (or ever, like jump-sprinting down and over a "small" stairway, derp)
posted by aydeejones at 7:00 PM on May 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
*shrug* I run 70 miles a week. I don't talk about it much, but it keeps me balanced. Runners can be pretty dull when they talk about running, but I'm guessing they're still more interesting than this guy whenever he's talking about his favorite vicariously experienced TV sports thing.
also, I have no idea how his co-workers are surviving on yogurt and salad with lite dressing. Whole milk and pints of B&J Chocolate Fudge Brownie for me, thanks.
posted by Wemmick at 7:37 PM on May 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
also, I have no idea how his co-workers are surviving on yogurt and salad with lite dressing. Whole milk and pints of B&J Chocolate Fudge Brownie for me, thanks.
posted by Wemmick at 7:37 PM on May 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
There's one laugh-out-loud moment in this article for me.
Author complains that his running co-workers have "taken over our shared refrigerator with so much lite salad dressing."
It's immediately followed by a photo of the inside of the office refrigerator with the caption: "There’s literally only one lite dressing in there."
posted by ferdydurke at 7:43 PM on May 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
Author complains that his running co-workers have "taken over our shared refrigerator with so much lite salad dressing."
It's immediately followed by a photo of the inside of the office refrigerator with the caption: "There’s literally only one lite dressing in there."
posted by ferdydurke at 7:43 PM on May 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
We'll listen to Katy Perry and drink cocktails that make your bartender roll their eyes at you while lounging around it Lilly Pulitzer for Target. And afterward, we'll go for a run.
Did you know Lilly Pulitzer makes running tights? We will be the cutest villains ever! It's gonna be so much fun!
posted by Metroid Baby at 7:44 PM on May 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
Did you know Lilly Pulitzer makes running tights? We will be the cutest villains ever! It's gonna be so much fun!
posted by Metroid Baby at 7:44 PM on May 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
I'm all for exercise but it's performative aspects (such as automated twitter updates and humblebrags about special diets) serve to police others' behaviors and in aggregate, contribute to a gnawing sense of failure we all experience in our inevitable comparisons of ourselves to the projected versions of our friends and colleagues.
I thought the article was kind of funny and not really a big enough deal to get worked up about. But I'm not a runner so...
posted by latkes at 8:14 PM on May 8, 2015 [7 favorites]
I thought the article was kind of funny and not really a big enough deal to get worked up about. But I'm not a runner so...
posted by latkes at 8:14 PM on May 8, 2015 [7 favorites]
Let people have their enthusiasms. Jesus.
posted by killdevil at 8:15 PM on May 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by killdevil at 8:15 PM on May 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
I will happily put on ridiculous clothes and bounce up and down in place to the beat for hours at a time, but the minute you suggest that maybe I could try exactly doing exactly the same thing but maybe you know without the back-step, just the forward-step, it suddenly starts to sound like yucky healthy good-for-you boring hard work instead of wicked fun rage-all-night party.
This needs to be studied! I am convinced that I have danced the equivalent of a marathon some nights, including quite a few times without the support of performance enhancing substances. And yet I am incapable of running 1/4 mile without wanting to collapse in tears.
I couldn't relate to the actual article. My FB feed is full of people tracking their drinking and eating. I must have a better class of friends than the author.
posted by kanewai at 8:17 PM on May 8, 2015 [2 favorites]
This needs to be studied! I am convinced that I have danced the equivalent of a marathon some nights, including quite a few times without the support of performance enhancing substances. And yet I am incapable of running 1/4 mile without wanting to collapse in tears.
I couldn't relate to the actual article. My FB feed is full of people tracking their drinking and eating. I must have a better class of friends than the author.
posted by kanewai at 8:17 PM on May 8, 2015 [2 favorites]
I don't know, I feel like we should have our own MetaFilter Supervillain club, membership determined by the number of things you like that MetaFilter hates.
We'll listen to Katy Perry and drink cocktails that make your bartender roll their eyes at you while lounging around it Lilly Pulitzer for Target. And afterward, we'll go for a run.
What sort of mushrooms does this club endorse?
posted by Pope Guilty at 8:22 PM on May 8, 2015
We'll listen to Katy Perry and drink cocktails that make your bartender roll their eyes at you while lounging around it Lilly Pulitzer for Target. And afterward, we'll go for a run.
What sort of mushrooms does this club endorse?
posted by Pope Guilty at 8:22 PM on May 8, 2015
Long story short, I'd "smushed" (but not torn) some meniscus and I'd bruised my bone. [...] During those months where I wasn't running, I put on nearly 20 pounds (no diet change, just inactivity)
Yup and yup. Last year I shredded some cartilage and bruised my femur three days before leaving (oh, the timing) on a Marathon Tours adventure. Well, at least I did the cartilage thing then. I probably bruised the bone by insisting on going ahead with the trip and hobbling around everywhere with minimal medical supervision. Finally had surgery two months later, and (long story short) I'm still trying to lose the 20 pounds I gained during my recovery.
...which is partly because bone bruises take forever to heal and I wasn't allowed to run for a torturous number of months. But I can now! And I have good news, Joey: the refractory period before which one can step back and chuckle at how annoying we runners can be is not as long as it seems. Fuerza!
posted by psoas at 8:40 PM on May 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
Yup and yup. Last year I shredded some cartilage and bruised my femur three days before leaving (oh, the timing) on a Marathon Tours adventure. Well, at least I did the cartilage thing then. I probably bruised the bone by insisting on going ahead with the trip and hobbling around everywhere with minimal medical supervision. Finally had surgery two months later, and (long story short) I'm still trying to lose the 20 pounds I gained during my recovery.
...which is partly because bone bruises take forever to heal and I wasn't allowed to run for a torturous number of months. But I can now! And I have good news, Joey: the refractory period before which one can step back and chuckle at how annoying we runners can be is not as long as it seems. Fuerza!
posted by psoas at 8:40 PM on May 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
I have read so many variations on this pissy little whinefest, they all just run together. There was one specifically calling out marathon runners a while ago, hollering about how running doesn't make you Jesus.
WTF?
I am not a runner, can't do it any more unless I am being chased by a bear. But I have friends who run. The Husband? He runs marathons. He is blithering and delirious and tired out of his head when he's done, but he loves it, and I get out of bed at Ass o' Fuck in the morning to watch him run by, because it makes him happy to feel like he did the impossible.
He and my friends enter races together. They drink Bourbon and smoke cigars and eat everything that isn't nailed down after. They don't do it because they think it makes them better than everyone else, they do it because it makes them happy. I watch them run because I like seeing them happy. Fuck these crybabies yelling "shut up". They need to find a hobby that makes them happy, instead of putting so much effort into being miserable.
posted by MissySedai at 9:17 PM on May 8, 2015 [8 favorites]
WTF?
I am not a runner, can't do it any more unless I am being chased by a bear. But I have friends who run. The Husband? He runs marathons. He is blithering and delirious and tired out of his head when he's done, but he loves it, and I get out of bed at Ass o' Fuck in the morning to watch him run by, because it makes him happy to feel like he did the impossible.
He and my friends enter races together. They drink Bourbon and smoke cigars and eat everything that isn't nailed down after. They don't do it because they think it makes them better than everyone else, they do it because it makes them happy. I watch them run because I like seeing them happy. Fuck these crybabies yelling "shut up". They need to find a hobby that makes them happy, instead of putting so much effort into being miserable.
posted by MissySedai at 9:17 PM on May 8, 2015 [8 favorites]
If I've learned anything from metafilter this week it's that if you like something, heaven forbid, don't ever tell anyone.
This ...... week?
Oh Lord. Let me wipe the tears of laughter from my face as I look back over the lo these many years I've been on mefi ......
posted by blucevalo at 10:30 PM on May 8, 2015 [6 favorites]
This ...... week?
Oh Lord. Let me wipe the tears of laughter from my face as I look back over the lo these many years I've been on mefi ......
posted by blucevalo at 10:30 PM on May 8, 2015 [6 favorites]
Just please, stay on the sidewalk and out of the bike lane.
posted by Brocktoon at 11:12 PM on May 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by Brocktoon at 11:12 PM on May 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
Am I the only person who read this as pure satire? As in, the writer doesn't really hate runners and running? Don't folks around here read The Onion?
posted by zardoz at 11:43 PM on May 8, 2015 [9 favorites]
posted by zardoz at 11:43 PM on May 8, 2015 [9 favorites]
One of the problems with modern runners is that many use gadgets of some sort that self-report to facebook. I hide those people, because I don't give two shits about how many miles they went today nor what route they chose. People can have their interests, but broadcasting it daily makes it feel like they are awfully needy for attention. Maybe it's not their fault, because some app is doing it for them, but they sure seem obnoxious if you don't know that it's auto-generated data.
posted by readyfreddy at 11:47 PM on May 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by readyfreddy at 11:47 PM on May 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
I have to jog in place at red lights because once I stop running, even for 20 seconds, I am DONE. It's partly psychological, I'm sure, in that I just can't force myself to start again, but also I only get red faced, super overheated, and torrents of sweat pouring down my face once I stop moving, and it happens fast. And then it won't stop again until the end of my run. And my calves and feet seize up and take the opportunity I gave them by stopping to announce that they ache and I should really go home to bed right now.
This is making me feel stupid because a version of this has been happening to me for years on my bicycle, and I've been passing it off to myself as an effect of stopping the cooling flow of air -- but now you've pointed it out, clearly a lot more is going on there.
What though? Your muscles stop moving very much, but keep metabolizing at a high rate so that it all comes out as heat like when you have chills and fever?
posted by jamjam at 12:05 AM on May 9, 2015
This is making me feel stupid because a version of this has been happening to me for years on my bicycle, and I've been passing it off to myself as an effect of stopping the cooling flow of air -- but now you've pointed it out, clearly a lot more is going on there.
What though? Your muscles stop moving very much, but keep metabolizing at a high rate so that it all comes out as heat like when you have chills and fever?
posted by jamjam at 12:05 AM on May 9, 2015
The Onion is funny. This, not really (yes I understand that this is not an "objective" position, so don't bother, please), and it didn't seem really that far off from the kind of tendentious rants that people are always publishing. Plus the author seemed to be a sports columnist, which made it credible to me that he's sort of an idiot.
posted by thelonius at 12:10 AM on May 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by thelonius at 12:10 AM on May 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
I'm just glad I have feet.
Dude, I'm glad my mom has feet. I just learned a few days ago that back in the day, she went on a few dates with this serial killer that cut off women's feet, and that didn't happen to her, and I was born a few years later. Happy Mother's Day!
posted by oceanjesse at 12:54 AM on May 9, 2015 [7 favorites]
Dude, I'm glad my mom has feet. I just learned a few days ago that back in the day, she went on a few dates with this serial killer that cut off women's feet, and that didn't happen to her, and I was born a few years later. Happy Mother's Day!
posted by oceanjesse at 12:54 AM on May 9, 2015 [7 favorites]
Maybe it's not their fault, because some app is doing it for them
Vitalic - Stamina [nsfw]
posted by benzenedream at 1:00 AM on May 9, 2015
Vitalic - Stamina [nsfw]
posted by benzenedream at 1:00 AM on May 9, 2015
Evster's gonna feel a lot better about running and life in general a couple months from now, when he realizes he never needed Facebook and that it has been making him miserable for awhile. Comparison is the thief of joy, Evster! Delete that shit and go outside! (however fast you're comfortable with, obviously)
posted by EatTheWeek at 1:25 AM on May 9, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by EatTheWeek at 1:25 AM on May 9, 2015 [3 favorites]
Running is stupid. I hate it like poison.
posted by eamondaly at 1:27 AM on May 9, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by eamondaly at 1:27 AM on May 9, 2015 [3 favorites]
Love this article. I used to think I was too physically lazy to start running, but it turns out I'm just too socially lazy.
posted by dogwalker at 2:11 AM on May 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by dogwalker at 2:11 AM on May 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
I think I've said it before here, but I run, and I run because cookies.
posted by Mooski at 2:51 AM on May 9, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by Mooski at 2:51 AM on May 9, 2015 [6 favorites]
So let's be clear. Nobody really cares if you run, or cycle, or enjoy cooking/eating fancy food.
But what is sort of interesting and maybe amusing is the way that partaking in these things is culturally influenced and that they (particularly the performative aspects of them engaged in by some people) act as a sort of shibboleth for (generally middle class) people to demonstrate that they are part of a certain group of Good People.
And yes, we get that you derive genuine enjoyment/benefits from these things and that you aren't showing off, but it can be interesting to look at where these things come from.
And when someone posts an obviously hyperbolic and satirical article poking a bit of fun and the reaction from people is similar to that which you would expect if the author had come round and personally taken a crap on their cornflakes... Well, that can be amusing as well.
(Disclaimer: I'm a cyclist, sometime runner and my kitchen contains a pizza stone, pasta machine and at least 4 different types of oil).
posted by Dext at 2:52 AM on May 9, 2015 [15 favorites]
But what is sort of interesting and maybe amusing is the way that partaking in these things is culturally influenced and that they (particularly the performative aspects of them engaged in by some people) act as a sort of shibboleth for (generally middle class) people to demonstrate that they are part of a certain group of Good People.
And yes, we get that you derive genuine enjoyment/benefits from these things and that you aren't showing off, but it can be interesting to look at where these things come from.
And when someone posts an obviously hyperbolic and satirical article poking a bit of fun and the reaction from people is similar to that which you would expect if the author had come round and personally taken a crap on their cornflakes... Well, that can be amusing as well.
(Disclaimer: I'm a cyclist, sometime runner and my kitchen contains a pizza stone, pasta machine and at least 4 different types of oil).
posted by Dext at 2:52 AM on May 9, 2015 [15 favorites]
AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON KITTENS. THEY AREN'T EVEN GROWN CATS, OR TASTY LIKE CHICKEN. BUT I STILL EAT THEM. WHAT A DISAPPOINTMENT.
posted by clvrmnky at 3:28 AM on May 9, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by clvrmnky at 3:28 AM on May 9, 2015 [4 favorites]
Uhh to everyone saying fuck this guy, this article is totally written by a runner and filled with running in-jokes. It's not an actual attack on running. Someone shared it on our running list at work today and everyone found it hilarious.
posted by Joe Chip at 4:26 AM on May 9, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by Joe Chip at 4:26 AM on May 9, 2015 [4 favorites]
Runner's high is real; I get it when I sink into a hot bubble bath after a 5k. But only then. Otherwise yeah, keep feet moving including jogging in place at lights (yay, now I will feel stupid doing it) or fall down.
Read the article, got that it was satire, didn't find it particularly good satire but I can see why somebody might. I did like the title though. Shutting up now.
posted by evilmomlady at 4:34 AM on May 9, 2015
Read the article, got that it was satire, didn't find it particularly good satire but I can see why somebody might. I did like the title though. Shutting up now.
posted by evilmomlady at 4:34 AM on May 9, 2015
Also I'm not sure what's up with jogging in place waiting for a light to change. Is that really necessary? I just pace.
It's like idling but for legs. Sure you can stop but you might be able to start again.
I find that if I stop pounding the pavement when I start back up I feel all the pains that were buried beneath my momentum and continuous impact-trauma shock. I like to save that for when I am done.
posted by srboisvert at 4:44 AM on May 9, 2015
It's like idling but for legs. Sure you can stop but you might be able to start again.
I find that if I stop pounding the pavement when I start back up I feel all the pains that were buried beneath my momentum and continuous impact-trauma shock. I like to save that for when I am done.
posted by srboisvert at 4:44 AM on May 9, 2015
Runner's high is real; I get it when I sink into a hot bubble bath after a 5k. But only then.
Have you ever tried a hot bubble bath WITHOUT a 5k first? Because I have and it is fantastic.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 4:58 AM on May 9, 2015 [30 favorites]
Have you ever tried a hot bubble bath WITHOUT a 5k first? Because I have and it is fantastic.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 4:58 AM on May 9, 2015 [30 favorites]
The problem is if all the runners had to shut up, they'd all just take up CrossFit and then where would we be?
The problem with Crossfit ( ok, A problem with Crossfit, other than the Randian Superman ethos of its proprietors, the super-high injury rate & the weird cliquishness of the ardent adherents & weird super-competitive push to outdo one another until they puke) is that everyone entering a Crossfit studio seems to do it with the eventual goal in mind that they too will one day soon open a Crossfit studio. It's a fitness pyramid scheme.
Go ahead, go for a run. I hope your knees hold up, and I'll probably scroll past your tweets if you dom't mind, but runners are pretty mild-mannered on the scale of fitness self-promotion, really.
posted by Devils Rancher at 6:09 AM on May 9, 2015 [3 favorites]
The problem with Crossfit ( ok, A problem with Crossfit, other than the Randian Superman ethos of its proprietors, the super-high injury rate & the weird cliquishness of the ardent adherents & weird super-competitive push to outdo one another until they puke) is that everyone entering a Crossfit studio seems to do it with the eventual goal in mind that they too will one day soon open a Crossfit studio. It's a fitness pyramid scheme.
Go ahead, go for a run. I hope your knees hold up, and I'll probably scroll past your tweets if you dom't mind, but runners are pretty mild-mannered on the scale of fitness self-promotion, really.
posted by Devils Rancher at 6:09 AM on May 9, 2015 [3 favorites]
I prefer taking a 5k bath, myself. I always soak in place at lights. It's those competitive shower people that are the real enemy. Those guys suck.
posted by clvrmnky at 7:00 AM on May 9, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by clvrmnky at 7:00 AM on May 9, 2015 [6 favorites]
Runner's World offered a commentary about this column without much attribution to the original, assuming the most runners would have seen it. Additional responses between Mark Remy and Evster.
I will say, there's a weird, insular world of Philadelphia sports twitter at play here. There are some beloved anonymous writers like FanSince09, ZoowithRoy, and TheEvster (minor compared to the other two) who write things like this all the time. And, yes, around the time of the Broad Street Run (last Sunday), if you live in the Philadelphia area, the running chatter can get pretty tiresome.
posted by gladly at 8:21 AM on May 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
I will say, there's a weird, insular world of Philadelphia sports twitter at play here. There are some beloved anonymous writers like FanSince09, ZoowithRoy, and TheEvster (minor compared to the other two) who write things like this all the time. And, yes, around the time of the Broad Street Run (last Sunday), if you live in the Philadelphia area, the running chatter can get pretty tiresome.
posted by gladly at 8:21 AM on May 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
I understand the FPP-linked article is not serious.
Running, for us bipedal organisms, is meta-activity.
Once those of us who are congenitally and developmentally able to do so, we start running for any and no reason at all. As soon as they are able, children run everywhere for the simple fact that they can.
This changes over time for many reasons, but I think social and environmental conditioning are the primary reasons children are, initially, prohibited from running and why, later, they choose not to run.
As adults, many of us neglect our own natural abilities to self-locomote to the point of atrophy and self-disempowerment. Many of us drive even when it is possible and preferable to walk (yes, radiant city urban planning/infirmity/disability/urgency/god contributes to this; just noting the bare fact). Work keeps us tethered to our desks and we wave off as no-can-do those life-promoting 15-minute walks with a cherished co-worker (presuming, you're lucky enough to have one!).
Normal folks who do exercise of any kind—and especially runners, swimmers, walkers, bikers, and others who engage in cardio-promoting activities—are to some extent preserving the unbridled and irrepressible enthusiasm of childhood to just move, and such commitments to life and well-being are worth celebrating (quietly, with the exception of public foot-races).
But heaven help you if you're within earshot of runners talking about their running. Not because they're bad people, but because exercisers talking about their exercise are really saying "me, me, me, I, myself, me, me, me".
posted by mistersquid at 8:49 AM on May 9, 2015 [4 favorites]
Running, for us bipedal organisms, is meta-activity.
Once those of us who are congenitally and developmentally able to do so, we start running for any and no reason at all. As soon as they are able, children run everywhere for the simple fact that they can.
This changes over time for many reasons, but I think social and environmental conditioning are the primary reasons children are, initially, prohibited from running and why, later, they choose not to run.
As adults, many of us neglect our own natural abilities to self-locomote to the point of atrophy and self-disempowerment. Many of us drive even when it is possible and preferable to walk (yes, radiant city urban planning/infirmity/disability/urgency/god contributes to this; just noting the bare fact). Work keeps us tethered to our desks and we wave off as no-can-do those life-promoting 15-minute walks with a cherished co-worker (presuming, you're lucky enough to have one!).
Normal folks who do exercise of any kind—and especially runners, swimmers, walkers, bikers, and others who engage in cardio-promoting activities—are to some extent preserving the unbridled and irrepressible enthusiasm of childhood to just move, and such commitments to life and well-being are worth celebrating (quietly, with the exception of public foot-races).
But heaven help you if you're within earshot of runners talking about their running. Not because they're bad people, but because exercisers talking about their exercise are really saying "me, me, me, I, myself, me, me, me".
posted by mistersquid at 8:49 AM on May 9, 2015 [4 favorites]
such commitments to life and well-being are worth celebrating
As the man wrote, "So as not to feel the horrible burden of time that breaks your back and bends you to the earth, you have to be continually drunk.
But on what? Wine, poetry or virtue[/running], as you wish. But be drunk."
posted by mr. digits at 8:56 AM on May 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
As the man wrote, "So as not to feel the horrible burden of time that breaks your back and bends you to the earth, you have to be continually drunk.
But on what? Wine, poetry or virtue[/running], as you wish. But be drunk."
posted by mr. digits at 8:56 AM on May 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
I prefer taking a 5k bath, myself. I always soak in place at lights. It's those competitive shower people that are the real enemy. Those guys suck.
You've never had a hot bath until you've soaked in a steaming fumarole on the top of Mount Etna or in the boiling lake athwart the Commonwealth of Dominica.
posted by rankfreudlite at 9:32 AM on May 9, 2015
You've never had a hot bath until you've soaked in a steaming fumarole on the top of Mount Etna or in the boiling lake athwart the Commonwealth of Dominica.
posted by rankfreudlite at 9:32 AM on May 9, 2015
I'm just glad I have feet
At least I think I do. I can't see them anymore, since I stopped running.
posted by brand-gnu at 9:37 AM on May 9, 2015
At least I think I do. I can't see them anymore, since I stopped running.
posted by brand-gnu at 9:37 AM on May 9, 2015
Non-runners have to understand that it is rare to find people who will talk with us about running, and so when we find people who are Our Kind, it's all we want to talk about. Sorry if you don't want to participate.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 10:49 AM on May 9, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 10:49 AM on May 9, 2015 [3 favorites]
→ I exercise my life is awesome rad six pack
I don't exercise my life is awesome rad party keg
posted by scruss at 10:58 AM on May 9, 2015
I don't exercise my life is awesome rad party keg
posted by scruss at 10:58 AM on May 9, 2015
Yes they're annoying but so are lots of people, more every day it seems.
Tl;dr but what's with this
posted by Rash at 10:58 AM on May 9, 2015
Tl;dr but what's with this
most nauseating people on the planet, right behind ISIS, The Money Team and any person who ever attended the University of Maryland... unprovoked slam at my alma mater? Screw you, monkey boy.
posted by Rash at 10:58 AM on May 9, 2015
I don't know, I like it when I can follow their little GPS running-guy icons live on google maps.
This is a thing?! Wait right here.
- Amazon
-- Super Soaker
-- Aerial Drone
-- Mounting Bracket
-- 2 litres Sriracha
Let the hunt commence.
posted by The Zeroth Law at 11:36 AM on May 9, 2015 [5 favorites]
This is a thing?! Wait right here.
- Amazon
-- Super Soaker
-- Aerial Drone
-- Mounting Bracket
-- 2 litres Sriracha
Let the hunt commence.
posted by The Zeroth Law at 11:36 AM on May 9, 2015 [5 favorites]
> Am I the only person who read this as pure satire? As in, the writer doesn't really hate runners and running? Don't folks around here read The Onion?
Right?! Did people even read to the end where it gets increasingly ridiculous and shifts into "pathetic jealousy" mode?
(Gee, I wonder where that stereotype of runners being SO EARNEST comes from.)
posted by desuetude at 11:46 AM on May 9, 2015 [5 favorites]
Right?! Did people even read to the end where it gets increasingly ridiculous and shifts into "pathetic jealousy" mode?
(Gee, I wonder where that stereotype of runners being SO EARNEST comes from.)
posted by desuetude at 11:46 AM on May 9, 2015 [5 favorites]
I love running. But I had to stop a few years ago because running started making me depressed. (It had kept depression at bay up to then.). I miss it.
posted by persona au gratin at 2:14 PM on May 9, 2015
posted by persona au gratin at 2:14 PM on May 9, 2015
preserving the unbridled and irrepressible enthusiasm of childhood to just move,
I totally didn't have this as a child. Some of my earliest memories are of grown ups asking why I didn't want to go and run around outside, and wanting to express that it was dirty outside and there was weather and other children, and it was much nicer here snuggled on the couch.
School was decades of being locked out of comfortable classrooms at lunch times and other breaks, and trying to find a nice warm spot to sit and read my book. I literally boggled that other kids were deliberately running back and forth and around in circles when they didn't have to.
And then I grew up to run for fun. I don't know either.
posted by lollusc at 7:19 PM on May 9, 2015 [14 favorites]
I totally didn't have this as a child. Some of my earliest memories are of grown ups asking why I didn't want to go and run around outside, and wanting to express that it was dirty outside and there was weather and other children, and it was much nicer here snuggled on the couch.
School was decades of being locked out of comfortable classrooms at lunch times and other breaks, and trying to find a nice warm spot to sit and read my book. I literally boggled that other kids were deliberately running back and forth and around in circles when they didn't have to.
And then I grew up to run for fun. I don't know either.
posted by lollusc at 7:19 PM on May 9, 2015 [14 favorites]
I'm thinking about taking it up. I can't keep a bike at work, and a pair of running shoes is likely cheaper than than a folding bike (I think.)
Can anyone recommend a cheap pair of running shoes, or a folding bike cheaper than a nice pair of running shoes?
posted by Slap*Happy at 8:14 PM on May 9, 2015
Can anyone recommend a cheap pair of running shoes, or a folding bike cheaper than a nice pair of running shoes?
posted by Slap*Happy at 8:14 PM on May 9, 2015
> There was one specifically calling out marathon runners a while ago, hollering about how running doesn't make you Jesus.
So. You. Can.Make me cum Marathon run. That doesn't make you Jeeee-eeeee-eeee-sus
posted by ostranenie at 4:53 AM on May 11, 2015
So. You. Can.
posted by ostranenie at 4:53 AM on May 11, 2015
some people have a running gene and some do not and I therefore do not have to feel guilty about not running.
Related: I realized that my half-step-mother-in-law (my wife's dad lived a complicated and storied life) and I were cut from the same cloth when she described the marathon whose route took runners past her former house in suburban Baton Rouge. All her neighbors set up tables in the front yard handing out water cups to the front-runners in the mid-morning, around hour 3. She set up a table around noon, handing out cigarettes and bourbon slugs to the folks who were on a six-hour pace and looked like they needed some extra motivation to get through the last two miles.
posted by Mayor West at 6:07 AM on May 11, 2015 [5 favorites]
Related: I realized that my half-step-mother-in-law (my wife's dad lived a complicated and storied life) and I were cut from the same cloth when she described the marathon whose route took runners past her former house in suburban Baton Rouge. All her neighbors set up tables in the front yard handing out water cups to the front-runners in the mid-morning, around hour 3. She set up a table around noon, handing out cigarettes and bourbon slugs to the folks who were on a six-hour pace and looked like they needed some extra motivation to get through the last two miles.
posted by Mayor West at 6:07 AM on May 11, 2015 [5 favorites]
Ha, that was a fun rant.
I have no opinion on runners or running. I did try running once on a dare.
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:41 PM on May 12, 2015
I have no opinion on runners or running. I did try running once on a dare.
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:41 PM on May 12, 2015
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