A Ruff To Remember
June 24, 2015 8:11 AM   Subscribe

 
Huzzah!

Somewhere my ex-gf is loosing her mind with giggles as she reads this. She has a PHD in Early Modern Drama, specifically about Ben Jonson.
posted by Fizz at 8:20 AM on June 24, 2015 [2 favorites]


Someone please annotate this.
posted by humanfont at 8:25 AM on June 24, 2015 [3 favorites]


lets just get it out of the way right now: if you were born in 1598, you're not a real 1590s kid. If your first Ben Jonson masque was The Cornoation Triumph then guess what? you're a Jacobean. Stop trying to act like youre Elizbethan, your embarassing yourself.
posted by Iridic at 8:26 AM on June 24, 2015 [66 favorites]


Damn, manticore, you nasty.
posted by maryr at 8:27 AM on June 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


Man so Buzzfeed has gone full on self-satire and competing with clickhole at this point huh?
posted by Carillon at 8:36 AM on June 24, 2015 [9 favorites]


lets just get it out of the way right now: if you were born in 1598, you're not a real 1590s kid. If your first Ben Jonson masque was The Cornoation Triumph then guess what? you're a Jacobean. Stop trying to act like youre Elizbethan, your embarassing yourself.

See, I hear that, but I've always felt the Jacobean era didn't really start until after 5/11.

I know I'll always remember remember.
posted by leotrotsky at 8:36 AM on June 24, 2015 [30 favorites]


They neglected the best one, tho: Having another beer at the tavern because you have to go back to the print-shop and wash the type in urine.
posted by octobersurprise at 8:39 AM on June 24, 2015 [9 favorites]


Oh man, remember watching "Fresh Prince of Tyre"? "That's So Falstaff"? "Reading-the-Bible-in-the-Vernacular Rainbow"? "Aaah! Real Papists"? "Sir Francis Walsingham Explains it All?"
posted by PlusDistance at 8:42 AM on June 24, 2015 [19 favorites]


octobersurprise: "They neglected the best one, tho: Having another beer at the tavern because you have to go back to the print-shop and wash the type in urine."

1. Oh my god, my talents are wasted in the 21st century.

2. I think anybody who's on foodstamps or etc are familiar with modern day sumptuary laws.
posted by boo_radley at 8:44 AM on June 24, 2015 [10 favorites]


octobersurprise: "They neglected the best one, tho: Having another beer at the tavern because you have to go back to the print-shop and wash the type in urine."

1. Oh my god, my talents are wasted in the 21st century.


Don't be so down. There are plenty of folks who will pay good money for you to urinate on stuff. People mostly.
posted by leotrotsky at 8:49 AM on June 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


OMG I'm a 1590's kid! Now I know why I didn't fit in in high school!
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:50 AM on June 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


You remember when you couldn't go to a feast without someone busting out a lute and playing "Lachrimae pavane."
posted by octobersurprise at 8:51 AM on June 24, 2015 [9 favorites]


These generational labels are so divisive. Isn't it enough that questions of religion are already splitting our kingdom in two?
posted by Happy Dave at 8:53 AM on June 24, 2015 [3 favorites]


These generational labels are so divisive. Isn't it enough that questions of religion are already splitting our kingdom in two?

That's Papist talk. God, every time this topic comes up here, out come the trolls and the apologists for the "True Church," undoubtedly on Rome's payroll. Did the Council of Trent write your whole post for you, or did you get to put it in your own words? You're no better than a Spaniard.

Flagged.
posted by leotrotsky at 9:05 AM on June 24, 2015 [40 favorites]


Popesi Blue?
posted by Devonian at 9:13 AM on June 24, 2015 [9 favorites]


leotrotsky: "Flagged"

Be careful with the invective or you'll get bannered, man.
posted by boo_radley at 9:14 AM on June 24, 2015 [7 favorites]


Generation thorn rules. þ !
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 9:15 AM on June 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


Man so Buzzfeed has gone full on self-satire and competing with clickhole at this point huh?

"This post was created by a user and has not been vetted or endorsed by BuzzFeed's editorial staff. BuzzFeed Community is a place where anyone can post awesome lists and creations. Learn more or post your buzz!"
posted by a fiendish thingy at 9:17 AM on June 24, 2015


Watching your fourth sibling die of infantile diarrhea and you're just like EW.
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:27 AM on June 24, 2015 [5 favorites]


The cool kids, of course, are 1590's (N.S.)
posted by OHenryPacey at 10:26 AM on June 24, 2015


The author is "Richard O'Brien"... the SAME Richard O'Brien who wrote The Rocky Horror Picture Show and played Riff Raff? If so, I eagerly await "The Shaky Spearer Picture Show".
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:38 AM on June 24, 2015


The author is "Richard O'Brien"... the SAME Richard O'Brien who wrote The Rocky Horror Picture Show and played Riff Raff?

I think you'll find he played Rough Ruff in the Rocky Horror Pict Show.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:50 AM on June 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


I think anybody who's on foodstamps or etc are familiar with modern day sumptuary laws.

I came into this thread to have a laff and walked out having a moment of somber reflection.
posted by psoas at 11:25 AM on June 24, 2015 [2 favorites]


Lord Charles Howard prevailed
The day the Armada sailed
And Spain ran aground on the sand
And Robert Dudley was there
In linen underwear
John Dee was the alchemical man
Then life lost its fun
For de Vere and John Donne
They got caught in a Catholic jam
Then at a deadly pace
Plague laid London to waste
And this is how the passing-bells rang...
posted by Iridic at 12:01 PM on June 24, 2015 [9 favorites]


When your parents wouldn't let you have a lewd hat and like everyone else totally looked like Antichrist?
posted by Segundus at 12:22 PM on June 24, 2015 [2 favorites]


psoas: "I came into this thread to have a laff and walked out having a moment of somber reflection.
"

* Japing Intensifies *
posted by boo_radley at 12:25 PM on June 24, 2015 [5 favorites]


When you finally get a date with that hot new playwright, and he gets stabbed in the eye the night before you're supposed to meet him at the Whitsuntide revels.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:31 PM on June 24, 2015 [4 favorites]


Anxiously scanning the waves for signs of the Invisible Armada until a grownup explains.
posted by TheophileEscargot at 1:02 PM on June 24, 2015 [2 favorites]


Lord Charles Howard prevailed
The day the Armada sailed
And Spain ran aground on the sand
And Robert Dudley was there
In linen underwear
John Dee was the alchemical man
Then life lost its fun
For de Vere and John Donne
They got caught in a Catholic jam
Then at a deadly pace
Plague laid London to waste
And this is how the passing-bells rang...


I can' t sing this to the tune of We Didn't Start The Fire at all!
posted by AzraelBrown at 2:41 PM on June 24, 2015


It almost works to End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine) but not quite.
posted by maryr at 3:07 PM on June 24, 2015


88 lines about 44 lovers?
posted by boo_radley at 5:31 PM on June 24, 2015


(♫ ooh-ooh-ooh♪)
posted by Iridic at 6:28 PM on June 24, 2015


I will now spend a cheerful evening looking up all the references I didn't get and adding the Greenblatt to my reading list.
posted by delight at 6:37 PM on June 24, 2015


Someone please annotate this.

I started to and then petered out. The fruits of my labours thus far:

1. The Succession Crisis : Elizabeth having no children made the succession a hot topic, particularly as she aged. Mary Queen of Scots was briefly a possibility until she was beheaded, which rather ruled her out. The crown ended up going to Mary's son, James. For the record, I was into Arbella Stuart before she was trendy.

2. The Curtain Theatre in Shoreditch was notable for being the playhouse where Robert Armin, the "witty fool" of Shakespeare's later plays, got his start. Excitingly, its remains are being excavated and it's been found to have been square in shape (rather than a rounded polygon like the Globe and the Rose).

3. Sumptuary laws were laws governing what you could and could not wear according to your social class and/or income. In the Middle Ages, the Catholic Church enforced these laws as strictly as it could (strictness varied by region). By the 1590s, no one really gave a damn. Elizabeth tried from time to time to establish new standards (scroll down here for amusing decrees).

4. Sonnets! People in love could write a lot of sonnets. Non-Shakespearean examples include Sir Philip Sidney's Astrophil and Stella, Samuel Daniel's Sonnets to Delia and my personal fave, Michael Drayton's Idea.

5. Christening: All kinds of social rituals which would seem weird to us attended the birth of an Elizabethan child. Children were usually christened on a Sunday within a couple of weeks of birth (sooner if the child seemed unhealthy). "Gossib" or "gossip" literally meant "godparent" and could be used literally of anyone you were connected to through that tie: you were fellow-godparents to someone's child, they'd stood godparent to your child or you to theirs; you share a godparent; your parent was their godparent or vice versa. By the Elizabethan age, "gossip" simply meant "close friend or confidant (usually female)".

6. Jesuits: Catholics believed Queen Elizabeth to be illegitimate (since they did not recognise Henry VIII's divorce from Catherine of Aragon). In 1570 Pope Pius V issued a decree declaring Elizabeth excommunicate and absolving her subjects of their duty to her. In the 1580s, he began sending missionary priests into England. Jesuits were regarded as particularly dangerous spies and conspirators. The entry of Jesuits into England was forbidden by law in 1585 (though it didn't stop them), and lay people could be executed for harbouring them.

7. Tobacco (great article!) was brought over from the New World sometime in the late 1500s and quickly became popular in England. There are songs about it: Come sirrah Jack ho; Tobacco is like love

8. Rodrigo Lopez was a successful physician whose clients included Walsingham, Leicester and ultimately the Queen herself. In England he was a practicing Protestant, as was required by law, but he had grown up a Catholic in Portugal and was known to be ethnically Jewish. Religious prejudice, as well as personal malice, was probably a factor when the Earl of Essex accused him of conspiring to poison the Queen. He was arrested in January 1594, though Elizabeth held off on signing his death warrant for some months. He was finally executed in June of that year.

9. Shrove Tuesday (Shrovetide) was the last day before Lent and is traditionally a carnival day (so people could misbehave before they had to get all penitential). It was a public holiday in London, so apprentices and students had the day off, and they would get shitfaced and party. Bankside is referenced because it was where all the entertaining stuff was-- theatres, cockfighting pits, bull- and bear- baiting, and especially brothels. Apprentices on Shrove Tuesday would break into brothels (and occasionally theatres) and cause destruction and havoc. The brothels and theatres targeted could do little to protect themselves.
posted by Pallas Athena at 6:41 PM on June 24, 2015 [21 favorites]


this is the best. And by this, I mean you guys.
posted by corb at 4:39 PM on June 25, 2015


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