6 Tricks to Get 86% More Chipotle Burrito (for free!)
August 13, 2015 6:51 PM   Subscribe

A man ate 35 Chipotle burritos in one week to help determine how to maximize the amount of food one can get in a single Chipotle order.
posted by reenum (107 comments total) 20 users marked this as a favorite
 
Not sure if want?
posted by eriko at 7:05 PM on August 13, 2015 [8 favorites]


Never thought about asking for two meats at half portions each. But man, the rice? There's already way too much rice in them burritos. In fact, I ask for less rice and most of the time, the burrista (is that a word? It should be) will make up for the lack of volume with a bit more beans 'n meat.
posted by NoMich at 7:05 PM on August 13, 2015 [11 favorites]


Methodology: I ordered a bunch of burritos.
posted by KGMoney at 7:05 PM on August 13, 2015 [7 favorites]


While I appreciate the near-scientific dedication that went into this article, I would much rather learn how to get less Chipotle burrito. They are too big
posted by capricorn at 7:09 PM on August 13, 2015 [19 favorites]


Metafilter: I ordered a bunch of burritos.
posted by Drinky Die at 7:09 PM on August 13, 2015 [4 favorites]


brb
posted by standardasparagus at 7:09 PM on August 13, 2015 [9 favorites]


Half of me: "congrats jerk off you are wasting food by conning stressed out workers."

The other half of me: Full of Burritos.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 7:13 PM on August 13, 2015 [19 favorites]


Yeah when I worked at chipotle and you asked for half and half meat I basically just gave you double meet because I knew what you were doing and I was like cool.
posted by Lutoslawski at 7:13 PM on August 13, 2015 [82 favorites]


Corollary: with small children, try splitting kid meals at sit down restaurants. You might get charged an extra buck but they invariably give you more than the expected sum of the parts.
posted by aydeejones at 7:14 PM on August 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


Hrm, they need to add another vegetarian protein. I can't half and half sofritas.
posted by Drinky Die at 7:14 PM on August 13, 2015 [10 favorites]


I used to always get steak and carnitas because of the variety. I realize I stopped because it was too much meat even though they always asked if I wanted double meat or half and half
posted by aydeejones at 7:15 PM on August 13, 2015


Uh. I don't think he actually ate that many burritos.

"There was no need to worry about wasting food afterwards because after I was done with the burritos I left them on the office kitchen counter and they all mysteriously disappeared within a few minutes. "
posted by aielen at 7:22 PM on August 13, 2015 [4 favorites]


There is SO going to be a frantic conference about this at Chipotle HQ in the morning.

Also you'd hafta frequent different Chipotles, lest you became known at your local Chipotle as That Asshole.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 7:24 PM on August 13, 2015 [19 favorites]


Metafilter: The other half of me: Full of Burritos.
posted by zippy at 7:24 PM on August 13, 2015 [4 favorites]


On the other hand, that much fast food kills you twice as fast, so it all evens out.
posted by a lungful of dragon at 7:25 PM on August 13, 2015 [3 favorites]


If they added in the bone from the steak, you'd be able to take it home and make stock. posted by qcubed at 6:59 PM

You see it with ice cream, with italian ice, with soups... posted by qcubed at 7:07 PM


I came into this thread hungry for burritos, but now all I can think about is soup. Thanks, qcubed.
posted by downtohisturtles at 7:26 PM on August 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


The burritos are already as big as my ummm...arm, why would I want more burrito?
posted by Confess, Fletch at 7:26 PM on August 13, 2015


Or just do what my father-in-law does:

Him: 'You can put more on there.'
Them: 'So you want to buy double?'
Him: 'No. I'm not buying double anything. That's just not enough. Look at the picture. Does that look like the picture? No, it doesn't look like the picture. Make it look like the picture. This is false advertising. Now I'm raising my voice but also looking increasingly frail. I might just have a heart attack right here on your floor.'
Them: 'Ok, ok, just take it.'
Me: /dies of embarrassment
posted by obiwanwasabi at 7:30 PM on August 13, 2015 [111 favorites]


Yeah, they don't call'em "Fat Pellets" for nothing.
posted by leotrotsky at 7:30 PM on August 13, 2015


ME: Hello
CHIPOTLE WORKER: May I take your order
ME: I am from the Internet
CW: Oh god
ME: I would like to order from your Secret Menu please
CW: We don't
ME: Give me the burrito that is twice as much burrito but you don't charge me extra for it
CW: Sir
ME: Also I would like it Animal Style
CW: Sir please leave
posted by prize bull octorok at 7:33 PM on August 13, 2015 [235 favorites]


See also the recent pics about ordering ice cream. Ordering a single, then changing your mind after the first scoop and saying you want a double gets you significantly more ice cream than ordering a double straight up. The latter gets you two small scoops. The former gets you a larger single scoop, which the server must then match with the second scoop.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 7:35 PM on August 13, 2015 [7 favorites]


congrats, you now have a solid 10 lbs of mostly carbs to cram down your maw
posted by indubitable at 7:35 PM on August 13, 2015 [8 favorites]


I can't half and half sofritas.

Oh, man, but now I wonder if I could get a bowl that's half sofritas and half guac.

Relatedly, wow, I'm hella hungry.
posted by MeghanC at 7:36 PM on August 13, 2015 [4 favorites]


This guy is craftier than the people at the Subway where I used to work who would eat 4/5ths of their sub and then try to claim there was something wrong with it, I'll give him that.
posted by The Card Cheat at 7:37 PM on August 13, 2015


Metafilter: Make it look like the picture.
posted by NoMich at 7:38 PM on August 13, 2015 [9 favorites]


fuck i want an animal-style burrito real bad
posted by griphus at 7:39 PM on August 13, 2015 [17 favorites]


Oh, man, but now I wonder if I could get a bowl that's half sofritas and half guac.


In fact, forget the sofritas.

Half guac, and half guac with peas. Entirely different products.
posted by Drinky Die at 7:40 PM on August 13, 2015 [6 favorites]


I'm confused about how he managed to meticulously separate out and weigh each individual ingredient and then also take such fine pictures of everything if he was truly getting it all tossed in a bowl. Also, wondering who would bother eating the leftovers after some dude spends an hour tweezing out each grain of rice and corn kernel to get an accurate meat measurement.

My hypothesis: Guy spends afternoon ordering individually packaged ingredients from Chipotle, takes nice pictures of them, then writes some tips based on anecdotal personal experience in a scientific wrapper.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 7:45 PM on August 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


> Yeah, they don't call'em "Fat Pellets" for nothing.

I prefer "heart attack logs."
posted by The Card Cheat at 7:45 PM on August 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


Their burritos are already so overstuffed that I find the tortilla ripping as I eat one. What's the most effective way of asking for less of something? I've tried "can I have a small amount of X" but the server always puts a regular amount anyway.
posted by picklenickle at 7:46 PM on August 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


The corn is not hidden. It is in front of your face. Also, this article misses out on ordering all the kinds of salsas, which has always been ok.

On the other end, I've been considering ordering kids meals because it looks like it might be a proper lunch portion.
posted by cellphone at 8:01 PM on August 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


I just ended up ordering bowls. The tortilla always rips so you end up with a bowl like experience anyway. Bowl with a side of chips or just a bowl if you think it's too much food to begin with. The tortilla doesn't add much taste here, it's kind of empty calories.
posted by Drinky Die at 8:02 PM on August 13, 2015 [3 favorites]


I get the bowl with a side of chips, but I can easily get three meals out of that without any special manipulation. I do order multiple salsas (corn, pico and hot) but that's because each adds a different flavor/texture. Not because I need more of what's already not the healthiest choice.
posted by downtohisturtles at 8:10 PM on August 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


It's an interesting intellectual exercise but unless you are having a growth spurt or you are training for a marathon, it is hard to imagine thinking a regular Chipotle burrito is too small.
posted by Dip Flash at 8:11 PM on August 13, 2015 [8 favorites]


He ruined it for everyone!
posted by hubs at 8:12 PM on August 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


What's the most effective way of asking for less of something? I've tried "can I have a small amount of X" but the server always puts a regular amount anyway.

I say "just a little bit of rice", then watch them put a normal heaping spoon of rice and I cut in really quickly with "actually like half of that amount, thanks". Otherwise, they never get it right. I don't blame them, they're too busy to really process what "a little bit" means for each customer, especially considering that it seems like most people want more.

Also, I am really amazed we've gotten this far into a Chipotle thread without someone saying how shitty Chipotle is compared to their precious neighborhood mission-style burrito place.
posted by skewed at 8:15 PM on August 13, 2015 [8 favorites]


I've gotten in the habit of ordering two soft tacos (a full order is three) because that feels more like a reasonable amount of food. Plus it's $5 even!
posted by nonasuch at 8:19 PM on August 13, 2015


fuck i want an animal-style burrito real bad

an animal-style CALIFORNIA burrito which has animal-style fries INSIDE of it please
posted by dogwalker at 8:20 PM on August 13, 2015 [5 favorites]


Metafilter: I am really amazed we've gotten this far
posted by axiom at 8:24 PM on August 13, 2015 [5 favorites]


I refuse to eat at Chipotle until someone can tell me what the fuck 'burrito bowl' is supposed to mean.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:25 PM on August 13, 2015


I can't imagine the people saying Chipotle burritos are too large haven't thought of just eating half and putting the other half in the fridge for the next meal, so I'm wondering if maybe you guys just don't have fridges?
posted by rifflesby at 8:27 PM on August 13, 2015 [7 favorites]


Congratulations MetaFilter, you've made me want to go back to Chipotles. I hope you're happy with yourself.
posted by yhbc at 8:30 PM on August 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


The best thing in life is when I order guac and don't get charged extra. The. Best.

Yes, I should remind them, but $2 for guac? Sorry, Im not sorry.
posted by T.D. Strange at 8:34 PM on August 13, 2015 [3 favorites]


I refuse to eat at Chipotle until someone can tell me what the fuck 'burrito bowl' is supposed to mean.

It's all the stuff you'd get in a burrito, but in a bowl.
posted by skewed at 8:36 PM on August 13, 2015 [26 favorites]


Oh jeeze i'm so full of "foodhacks" like this or whatever silly phrase buzzfeed will come up with in a week.

Here's a good one: If you're at the costco food court, and you get a berry sundae... ask them to split it into two cups. Worst case scenario you get about 1.25, best case scenario you just get two. You can't lose.

I've never gotten less than a single sundae, infact i've never even gotten the same amount, always more.

I used to have this completely down at subway as well and know everything to look for in the food-pit and then what to ask for based on that, but that muscle has atrophied because i just can't eat there anymore.

Half of me: "congrats jerk off you are wasting food by conning stressed out workers."

As a former foodservice worker, we don't care unless you're being an asshole. If we say no, it's because the robotic terminator overlords monitoring our every move at that chain/business will be able to tell we gave you extra. If we CAN give you extra, and you're nice or indifferent when you ask for it, we will unless someone is looking over our shoulder.

Trying and getting it doesn't make you an asshole. It's refusing to take no for an answer, like obiwanwasabi's father in law, that will make us fume about you over bottom shelf liquor and bong loads later in our basements.
posted by emptythought at 8:36 PM on August 13, 2015 [29 favorites]


I can't imagine the people saying Chipotle burritos are too large haven't thought of just eating half and putting the other half in the fridge for the next meal

I haven't had a Chipotle burrito in years, but all I can imagine thinking when I'm say two-thirds through a normal-size burrito from there is "Ugh, I can't stand to eat any more of this rice" and then throwing the rest away and not wanting to eat anything like that again for, well, years.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:42 PM on August 13, 2015


I refuse to eat at Chipotle until someone can tell me what the fuck 'burrito bowl' is supposed to mean.

You know you have that one stoner friend who is bad at rolling joints so he always wants to smoke a bowl instead? It's like that. Forget all this rolling crap, just put it all in a bowl.
posted by Drinky Die at 8:53 PM on August 13, 2015 [50 favorites]


I'm so hungry now
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 8:56 PM on August 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


As a former foodservice worker, we don't care unless you're being an asshole. If we say no, it's because the robotic terminator overlords monitoring our every move at that chain/business will be able to tell we gave you extra. If we CAN give you extra, and you're nice or indifferent when you ask for it, we will unless someone is looking over our shoulder.

Yeah, very much this. The worst is when the overlord happens to be standing right next to you and tells you to give them the extra, because they don't want to disappoint the customer. But if the cameras see you doing it again in the future when they aren't there because the customers now expect it, screw you! The rule is ironclad, never to be violated!
posted by Drinky Die at 8:58 PM on August 13, 2015 [3 favorites]


I can't imagine the people saying Chipotle burritos are too large haven't thought of just eating half and putting the other half in the fridge for the next meal

A fresh burrito is a delightful combination of warm rice, beans, and meat/veggies, and cold sour cream, salsa, lettuce, etc. If I save it for later, then what? I have to either eat the whole thing cold which is just.. no. Or, I microwave the whole thing and burn my lips on scaldingly hot sour cream while the burrito's innards are probably still unpleasantly cool. No thank you. I reduce, reuse, recycle, and eat leftovers of most food, but I refuse to eat soggy old burrito remnants like some terrible ghost of lunches past. Luckily I am pregnant so this notion of "leftover burrito" is but a distant memory.
posted by gatorae at 8:59 PM on August 13, 2015 [11 favorites]


and half guac with peas.

You're a bad person and should feel bad. Haven't we gone over this before? Bad, we say.

- All of California
posted by chimaera at 9:00 PM on August 13, 2015 [11 favorites]


The best thing in life is when I order guac and don't get charged extra. The. Best.

They don't charge for guacamole if you don't get meat (not sure about sofritas). I realized that around the same time I realized I like their guacamole way more than their meat, so I haven't paid for guacamole in a couple years. Although some locations charge the same for a chicken burrito as a veggie burrito, which kind of ruins my feeling of beating the guacamole system.
posted by clorox at 9:01 PM on August 13, 2015


Sofritas is supposed to have the charge. It's the one without any "protein option" that isn't supposed to have a charge for it if I understand correctly.
posted by Drinky Die at 9:03 PM on August 13, 2015


Metafilter: beating the guacamole system
posted by el io at 9:21 PM on August 13, 2015 [2 favorites]


>> Yeah, they don't call'em "Fat Pellets" for nothing.

> I prefer "heart attack logs."


I have been banned at work from using my nomenclature of choice: "Meat Lozenge."
posted by Scattercat at 9:26 PM on August 13, 2015 [3 favorites]


But how do I get 10 times as many chips
posted by Brocktoon at 9:27 PM on August 13, 2015 [2 favorites]


That burrito bowl is about 2000 calories.

Ordering less at Chipotle: burrito bowl, half the usual brown rice, meat of choice, pinto beans, fajita veggies, any salsa but corn, lettuce... about 550 calories.
posted by underflow at 9:34 PM on August 13, 2015 [2 favorites]


We've invested an embarrassing amount of time and money into replicating the sofritas at home (they weren't available in our area for about a year after introduction). Finally got a pretty good recipe. It involves TVP and lots of cumin.

That said, when I'm actually at Chipotle, I default to 3 soft tacos, black beans, fajita veggies, and every kind of salsa. 500 calories and it's really delicious.
posted by miyabo at 10:07 PM on August 13, 2015


say "just a little bit of rice", then watch them put a normal heaping spoon of rice and I cut in really quickly with "actually like half of that amount, thanks"

I finally figured out that the best way is to just start with "white rice but only half the normal amount." Which actually gets you a 1/4 serving. Then you say "just a tiny bit more."
posted by mullacc at 10:17 PM on August 13, 2015


I have lived my entire life in San Diego, only a few miles from the Mexican border. But I cannot visit my local Chipotle because, for the life of me, I can't pronounce Chipotle correctly. (Why isn't it Ch'pottle?)

I'll be over here eating a baloney sandwich with mayonnaise, thanks.
posted by SPrintF at 10:25 PM on August 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


I really, really wish they hadn't opened the article with that picture of each of the ingredients arranged into those, shall we say, "intestinal food-tube" shapes =/
posted by ominous_paws at 10:34 PM on August 13, 2015


Here, SPrintF, maybe this guide will help.
posted by rifflesby at 10:46 PM on August 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


Chipotle hack: Go with a friend and share.
posted by The World Famous at 10:47 PM on August 13, 2015 [4 favorites]


I'll be over here eating a baloney sandwich with mayonnaise, thanks.

Too spicy and "ethnic" for me. Just stick with American cheese and mayo on wonderbread.
posted by Drinky Die at 10:54 PM on August 13, 2015 [2 favorites]


But why did a place called Apartment List publish this? It has nothing to do with apartments.
posted by gucci mane at 12:13 AM on August 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


SPrintF, if you live in San Diego, you have real Mexican food. The best reason to avoid Chipotle is because it's jumped up Taco Bell.
posted by doctor_negative at 12:26 AM on August 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


Goddammit now I want both Chipotle and El Cotixan I hate all of you.
posted by flaterik at 12:37 AM on August 14, 2015 [4 favorites]


Chipotle is to burritos as Sbarro is to pizzas.

Eat real burritos, people.
posted by hal_c_on at 3:17 AM on August 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


He missed getting the salad dressing. They will add it for free to any order, and it marginally increases your overall weight (plus it's very tasty).
posted by codacorolla at 3:18 AM on August 14, 2015


Awww, all you poor people who live in lands where taco carts don't exist, forcing you to play these silly corporate games to get your gringo feed on.

Seriously, that's really kinda sad making.
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 3:20 AM on August 14, 2015


oh thank god, for a while there i thought we would go a whole thread without californians arriving to shit all over our pleb burritos
posted by indubitable at 5:08 AM on August 14, 2015 [36 favorites]


Awww, all you poor people who live in lands where taco carts don't exist, forcing you to play these silly corporate games to get your gringo feed on.

Do these taco carts have good Mission-style burritos? Around here they mostly seem to sell tacos.
posted by ftm at 5:11 AM on August 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


So there's a taco place down the block that we call "#2 Tacos" not for scatalogical reasons, but because they were on an unordered Top 10 Tacos list and we're pretty sure they're not the best, but pretty close. Great tacos (and pupusas, of course), in a strip of stores serving mostly Salvadorans. Anyway, they recently moved into a new location (about a quarter mile down the street) and we wanted to call in an order last night, so we pulled out the menu. Surely they will have kept the same phone number.

Turns out a new taco place opened in the old location and kept the old phone number. Good news, though, they're probably like #3 Tacos, so that's good.

Point is: I don't like rice in my burrito, and "twice as much rice" sounds like a goddamn nightmare.
posted by uncleozzy at 5:16 AM on August 14, 2015 [3 favorites]


But how do I get 10 times as many chips

Screw that: how do I get one full serving of chips? The employees at my local store have a hard time figuring that out.
posted by JoeZydeco at 5:19 AM on August 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


I caught a glance at the poster instructing Dominos Pizza chefs on the proper distribution of toppings, and now I know that half and half of two toppings gives you the same amount of toppings as two toppings overall, for half the added cost.
posted by StickyCarpet at 5:25 AM on August 14, 2015


I refuse to eat at Chipotle until someone can tell me what the fuck 'burrito bowl' is supposed to mean.

Patton Oswalt has got the fast food bowl phenomenon covered for you, my friend. Resistance is futile.
posted by dgaicun at 5:37 AM on August 14, 2015 [3 favorites]


Women laughing with salad sandwich bowls
posted by shakespeherian at 5:54 AM on August 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


What's the most effective way of asking for less of something? I've tried "can I have a small amount of X" but the server always puts a regular amount anyway.

For rice, I find saying "Just one scoop" will usually get you about 2/3 of the normal amount of rice, although it's best to watch the server dish up the burritos before you to see if they go unusually heavy or light on rice.

For condiments (sour cream, salsa, etc.), say "just a little" WHILE MAKING THE HAND SYMBOL (you know the one, where you scoop your fingers and thumb together).

As a former Subway sandwich artist, I can tell you that verbally saying "just a little" is not enough because 80% of American fast-food diners THINK that they want "just a little" but actually want a normal amount. 10% actually do want "just a little" and the remaining 10% want "make the bread groan with the heaping weight of mayonnaise" but are in denial.
posted by pie ninja at 6:01 AM on August 14, 2015 [6 favorites]


I haven't gone to Chipotle since a locally-owned burrito joint with superior ingredient combinatorics opened just a block from where I work.

But I don't get this; there's a well-established maximum holding capacity for your standard flour tortilla, and Chipotle seems to have little trouble meeting or exceeding it, lunchline chicanery or no. This agglomeration comes in around 2200 calories, basically as many calories as a full-grown person should consume in a whole day. Wanting to have more food shoved into your already overstuffed burrito is the first-worldliest of first-world problems.
posted by Strange Interlude at 6:07 AM on August 14, 2015


I get the bowls with multiple tortillas and always have, not because I need two burritos in a sitting, but because it warms up reasonably well in the microwave and then I have two days worth of lunch, or probably more like two days worth of lunch and a snack. My Mexican grandmother would have approved of the frugality. Seriously, people fuss too much about authenticity.

(Why isn't it Ch'pottle?)

Is this serious? This is one of those things, as a Hispanic person, that makes me think white people aren't even trying to be vaguely respectful. Spanish has like the world's easiest vowel pronunciations and we do the 'TL' all the time in English. (Like every -LY ending on a word that ends in T.) The thing missing from anybody who can't pronounce Chipotle is the slightest amount of effort and thoughtfulness. This is not like rolling Rs, which even I can't actually do.
posted by Sequence at 6:16 AM on August 14, 2015 [16 favorites]


Wanting to have more food shoved into your already overstuffed burrito is the first-worldliest of first-world problems.

OTOH, like Sequence said, if you're poor an extra scoop of rice or meat could stretch that burrito into three meals. (I've discovered that almost any bowl from Shop House, Chipotle's new SE Asian concept, is great dumped into a big pot of chicken broth and makes a bunch of hearty meals.)

Women laughing with salad sandwich bowls

It's almost as if women had internalized the message that if they eat anything but salad they will be too fat to be attractive to the point that it's become a stock photography trope. LOL.
posted by Room 641-A at 6:30 AM on August 14, 2015 [3 favorites]


But I cannot visit my local Chipotle because, for the life of me, I can't pronounce Chipotle correctly. (Why isn't it Ch'pottle?)

You realize you're not sneaking across the Jordan, right? They don't make you pronounce the name at the door.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 6:32 AM on August 14, 2015 [12 favorites]


you better check that privilege at the same door they make some of us recite the entire Chipotle Oath of Fealty from memory
posted by griphus at 6:43 AM on August 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


So, is a tortilla free with a bowl? Volume aside, that's a great way to get both the burrito and bowl experience in one meal!
posted by ignignokt at 7:14 AM on August 14, 2015


A classier version of the "get half of each two meats" hack can work when you're ordering wine at a restaurant (at least, it does for me and my wife). Ask for two half glasses; a half glass looks ungenerous enough that most servers tend to overpour a bit and you end up with more wine than a full glass. Of course, this only works if you are two people and you both want to drink the same wine.
posted by madcaptenor at 7:20 AM on August 14, 2015


Since getting gastric bypass I often just split a meal with my girlfriend when we go out. I've noticed most sit down places tend to split the protein and then give us each full size sides, which is useless to me because I can eat like 4-5 ounces max. Still, very nice of them and I would imagine helpful to people trying to eat on a budget. I always tip as if we had gotten two meals, as they nearly always bring it out on two plates.
posted by SassHat at 7:37 AM on August 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


My problem with the Eat half a burrito then leftovers is that I never know when to stop and then eventually you get to, well three bites is not leftovers might as well keep at it.

I probably have to cut first, then eat.
posted by mountmccabe at 8:07 AM on August 14, 2015 [4 favorites]


We've invested an embarrassing amount of time and money into replicating the sofritas at home (they weren't available in our area for about a year after introduction). Finally got a pretty good recipe. It involves TVP and lots of cumin.

I've never had the Chipotle sofritas so I have no idea how it compares, but my meat-eating household loves these spicy tofu sofritas (I tend to eat it as a taco filling rather than in bowl form).
posted by misskaz at 8:40 AM on August 14, 2015 [3 favorites]


When I was a sandwich artist, people would ask for just a little mayo. And this never worked, because we were all trained to go down the length of the sub and then back up. We couldn't help it. Our arms were just on auto pilot. And so we'd say, "Sure" and then, half the time, couldn't stop our arms in time to keep the mayo off.

The article would have been way better with an analysis of calorie counts. How many bazillion calories is that burrito now? Also, what low-cal hacks could you put on the burrito to cut calories but still feel full? My local burrito shop will put substitute rice with veggies and I ask for half the beans.
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 8:42 AM on August 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


So, is a tortilla free with a bowl?!

Yep, just don't accidentally ask for a burrito on the side.

Not that anyone I know would ever do that.
posted by Nonsteroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drug at 8:47 AM on August 14, 2015


I just tried two of the "tricks"! 1) Bowl with tortilla on the side, and 2) half of two kinds of meats.

It did work. I got a ton of food, maybe 1.75 burritos' worth, if you don't pack as tightly as they do. More importantly, it didn't seem to be any more work, and the Chipotle chef guy that happened to do it for me didn't seem to mind, but it could be that that particularly guy was especially mellow in general.

Given that they have pretty beefy margins and don't have any sort of profit-sharing scheme for their guys, I think it makes sense to do a few of these #lifehacks/Hints from Heloise. But all of them at once is going to be obnoxious. Still, if you are short on cash and have a Chipotle gift card, totally worth trying all the tricks you can!
posted by ignignokt at 9:02 AM on August 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


It's an interesting intellectual exercise but unless you are having a growth spurt or you are training for a marathon, it is hard to imagine thinking a regular Chipotle burrito is too small.

Yet another reminder that I am a ravenous man-monster, since usually I get to the end of my burrito and think, "That's it?"

Then again, I am frequently training for a marathon, so point taken.
posted by psoas at 9:48 AM on August 14, 2015


The greatest trick the Mission burrito ever pulled was getting you to eat 2,000 calories and wish there was more
posted by prize bull octorok at 9:55 AM on August 14, 2015 [8 favorites]


The tortilla always rips so you end up with a bowl like experience anyway.

This never happens to me because I never take the burrito out of the aluminum foil. I just rip the foil at one end, and roll the foil down or rip it off as I go.
posted by QuakerMel at 10:22 AM on August 14, 2015 [5 favorites]


Ugh, but that wad of flavorless tortilla at either end of the burrito is just intolerable. SO here is another burrito-hack to avoid paying extra for chips if you want a burrito bowl with chips:

1) Dump your burrito into a bowl.
2) Tear the tortilla into chip-sized shreds.
3) Place on cookie sheet in oven until crispy. Add salt if desired.
4) ENJOY YOUR BURRITO BOWL WITH FREE "CHIPS"!
posted by witchen at 11:11 AM on August 14, 2015


The greatest trick the Mission burrito ever pulled was getting you to eat 2,000 calories and wish there was more

No, it was convincing people from NorCal that it's OK to serve a burrito with a steamed (STEAMED!) tortillas instead of having it toasted on the grill as God intended. You know who else steams their tortillas? Fucking Chipotle, that's who.
posted by Aizkolari at 11:29 AM on August 14, 2015 [4 favorites]


I have lived my entire life in San Diego, only a few miles from the Mexican border. But I cannot visit my local Chipotle because, for the life of me, I can't pronounce Chipotle correctly. (Why isn't it Ch'pottle?)

I cannot drive a Chevy because, for the life of me, I can't pronounce Chevrolet correctly. (Why isn't it Chev-ro-let?)
posted by ActingTheGoat at 11:41 AM on August 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


I'm just hoping they bring back carnitas in my area soon. I appreciate their commitment to cruelty-free pork, but I still miss it.
posted by Blackanvil at 11:44 AM on August 14, 2015


Also you'd hafta frequent different Chipotles, lest you became known at your local Chipotle as That Asshole.

As someone who is new to the food service industry - making coffee, sandwiches and also burritos - albeit at a non-chain place:

I don't really care how much food you get out of your order or how fat you want your burrito or sandwich or whatever unless it's totally ridiculous, and then I still don't care if you also don't care about being charged a little extra for your quadruple meat and cheese dagwood sandwich the size of a small continent.

Actually, I like the challenge. I really like making sure someone leaves full and satisfied, if not outright groaningly stuffed. When I roll a burrito I basically want it stuffed to the very edge of bursting and falling apart - but no tears in the tortilla, please. (I know, I eat 'em myself. A structurally unsound burrito isn't a burrito, it's one of those abominable bowls.)

I love hearing "Oh my god, I'm so full. I need a nap."

Yeah, portion control is a real issue for restaurants, but there's so much ridiculous food wastage in the industry it's not really about portion control, but repeat, steady business.

And satisfied repeat customers are the easiest, most honest way to do that. In my experience portion control is less about cost control and more about managing consistency and customer expectations so you don't end up with customers complaining about wildly varying sizes of menu items.

The only way to become "that asshole" is if you're just already an asshole and a total jerk to me or my staff, and the fastest way to do that in my cafe is not tip, especially on large bills or food orders.
posted by loquacious at 12:22 PM on August 14, 2015 [5 favorites]


A very long time ago I read an extremely informal "study" by some random blogger that I can't recall that found that (assuming you order the same ingredients) women will on average receive slightly smaller burritos at Chipotle than men. I have no idea if this is actually true but intuitively it seems totally plausible and has stuck with me for many years.

I am a relatively small person who eats more than you'd guess from looking, and I want my full burrito! My personal tactic for mitigating this is to ask for "a little extra rice", which seems to visually encourage the servers to put a little extra of everything else on as well, without prompting. Also if I have to place a group order, all of the individual orders get burly old man names. (The latter technique is still in the experimental stages.)
posted by yeahlikethat at 12:51 PM on August 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


The one thing I don't want more of at Chipotle is Chipotle. But the idea of getting more anywhere is certainly appealing.
posted by tommasz at 12:53 PM on August 14, 2015


It's an interesting intellectual exercise but unless you are having a growth spurt or you are training for a marathon, it is hard to imagine thinking a regular Chipotle burrito is too small.

During Puberty 2: Electric Boogaloo, I was biking daily and rock climbing 3 times a week. I'd pretty regularly go to Chipotle for Burridos, chips, and guac. Go home, wolf it down, leave no survivors. I actually lost weight, but to be fair, these were dairy and meat free burritos.

(One time my partner got in the shower for an hour just as I was finishing up the second burrito. I thought I was going to die.)
posted by you could feel the sky at 12:54 PM on August 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


Chipotle has nothing involving chipotle on their menu. Discuss.
posted by shakespeherian at 1:22 PM on August 14, 2015 [3 favorites]


They claim to have 7 items containing chipotle: barbacoa, beans (black), beans (pinto), chicken, chipotle honey vinaigrette, sofritas, steak. Strangely, none of the salsas do.
posted by mubba at 1:27 PM on August 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


I can't imagine the people saying Chipotle burritos are too large haven't thought of just eating half and putting the other half in the fridge for the next meal

In addition to the prior noted complaint that one of the things that makes burritos so awesome is that different ingredients are different temperatures, also Chipotle burritos no longer maintain their structural integrity when you slice them in half. They used to do this back when I first went to Chipotle around 2008, but I think they stopped training their staff to properly roll and foil wrap for this effect.
posted by capricorn at 2:24 PM on August 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


OK yes I do have a Chipotle conspiracy theory don't judge
posted by capricorn at 2:25 PM on August 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


"Given that they have pretty beefy margins..."

ISWYDT.
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 6:05 PM on August 18, 2015 [1 favorite]


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