giant jerk whale ruins pleasant boat outing

September 16, 2015 12:07 PM

Humpback Whale Leaps Out Of Water, Onto Kayakers

(kayakers are okay, whale remains enormous jerk)

posted by poffin boffin (105 comments total)

Do you want Ahabs? Because that's how you get Ahabs.
posted by leotrotsky at 12:10 PM on September 16, 2015 [81 favorites]

Christ, what a blowhole.
posted by Kabanos at 12:12 PM on September 16, 2015 [39 favorites]

Oh, come on. If the whale had busted into the kayaker's homes and flipped over their card table or something this would be on the whale, but those kayakers went to the whale's home uninvited and rolled up next to it just to gawk.

The whales are going to be talking about this later like one of them just dunked a yapper dog. "You finally did that? Man, I've always wanted to do that."
posted by mhoye at 12:13 PM on September 16, 2015 [81 favorites]

People on the boat seem pretty goddamn entertained by a one ton whale falling on two strangers. If anyone is an asshole here, it's the audience.
posted by ryanshepard at 12:14 PM on September 16, 2015 [42 favorites]

It totally went down a few hundred feet and high finned all its buddies.
posted by poffin boffin at 12:15 PM on September 16, 2015 [14 favorites]

Kayak company halts whale tours following breaching incident
posted by ActingTheGoat at 12:15 PM on September 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

This would almost be worth it just for the story you could tell. I'm still telling my "I hit a moose with my car" story 20 years later.

See?
posted by bondcliff at 12:16 PM on September 16, 2015 [5 favorites]

My husband went on a kayaking trip in the Pacific Northwest recently and a seal jumped on to his kayak to attack him so he fell in the water and had to climb back in and be warmed up so he didn't get hypothermia. It sounds like it was a really unnerving experience but since he is fine I find this story hilarious and delightful but my suggestion to buy dozens of stuffed seals and throw them at him while shouting "EXPOSURE THERAPY" has been voted down. I guess he doesn't want to heal.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 12:17 PM on September 16, 2015 [189 favorites]

I've just been reading about the origin of whales. The first whale was basically a wolf with hoofs that hung out in lakes and hunted like a crocodile, like I couldn't think whales were any cooler.
posted by maxsparber at 12:22 PM on September 16, 2015 [46 favorites]

Where did you see a one ton whale, ryanshepard? Humpbacks can weigh upwards of forty tons. Hell, the only time they could even weigh a ton is when they're a new born baby. That's clearly NOT a baby.
posted by ZaneJ. at 12:23 PM on September 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

A few feet to the left and it seems like they could have easily been killed. Welp, guess I'm never kayak whale watching.
posted by Steely-eyed Missile Man at 12:24 PM on September 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

meanwhile i dropped a PS4 controller on my pinky toe last week and i still haven't recovered.
posted by poffin boffin at 12:26 PM on September 16, 2015 [22 favorites]

It's not totally the whale's fault; he was on PCP and thought he could fly.
posted by shakespeherian at 12:26 PM on September 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

Where did you see a one ton whale, ryanshepard? Humpbacks can weigh upwards of forty tons. Hell, the only time they could even weigh a ton is when they're a new born baby. That's clearly NOT a baby.

My bad - anyhow, it's fucking huge and you'd expect some gasps, at least. Again, assholes.
posted by ryanshepard at 12:26 PM on September 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

Brings a whole new meaning to CANNONBALL!
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:30 PM on September 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

this is why you should never go kayaking without a net
posted by pyramid termite at 12:30 PM on September 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

Following breach of security, whale charged with cetacean
posted by Kabanos at 12:30 PM on September 16, 2015 [10 favorites]

and a seal jumped on to his kayak to attack him

Before your husband solidifies his vendetta on seals, it seems much more likely to me the deal was escaping a predator, probably an orca, in which circumstances seals have been known to get out of the water immediately by any means possible. I've never heard of a deal attack here in the NW though an acquaintance of mine was seriously bitten by a leopard seal in Antarctica.
posted by Rumple at 12:31 PM on September 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

Before your husband solidifies his vendetta on seals, it seems much more likely to me the deal was escaping a predator, probably an orca, in which circumstances seals have been known to get out of the water immediately by any means possible. I've never heard of a deal attack here in the NW though an acquaintance of mine was seriously bitten by a leopard seal in Antarctica.

Actual issue: We were near pups (although forced there by the current). Apparently a seal did bite a guide a few weeks before I went on my trip in the same area, although the tour company was doing anything it could not to publicize that fact. I can't say for sure what it did, other than flip my boat and give my wife her hilarious ideas.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 12:34 PM on September 16, 2015 [30 favorites]

I was terrorized by a loon while in my kayak but it was my own damn fault for getting too close to the babies. She/he swam circles around my boat and I actually got scares she/he was going to jump in and give me what for.
posted by bondcliff at 12:35 PM on September 16, 2015 [7 favorites]

Obviously the whale thought they had a homemade clock.
posted by happyroach at 12:43 PM on September 16, 2015 [38 favorites]

I used to work in tourism in this area. One of the amazing things about Monterey Bay is that, due to the depth of the bay and the abundance of krill, the humpbacks and other whales come in quite close to shore as compared to other parts of the world. I think I wrote a piece one time about how they were "practically close enough to touch!" This is a little too close, though, and it's not the first time it's happened in the area. (Santa Cruz is also on Monterey Bay.)

Monterey Bay has an abundance of wildlife and unexpected meetings between kayakers and wildlife happen all the time. Kayakers are told to keep 50 feet away from otters. However, the otters don't pay much attention to that rule (scofflaws!) and will sometimes climb on kayaks. The tourists think it's adorable until they realize the otter isn't going anywhere, and the only way to get the adorable critter off is to roll the kayak.

People talk about how quiet nature is, but sometimes the barking sea lions would keep us up at night. That and the raccoons fighting/mating on our roof.
posted by rednikki at 12:44 PM on September 16, 2015 [10 favorites]

The whales are going to be talking about this later like one of them just dunked a yapper dog. "You finally did that? Man, I've always wanted to do that."

That's probably what the space probe in Star Trek IV was saying.
posted by Gelatin at 12:44 PM on September 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

Let me tell you, the whales that hang out with kayakers are not the best whales. They're breachers, rammers, capsizers, crushers... and I'm sure some of them are nice mammals.
posted by mondo dentro at 12:45 PM on September 16, 2015 [11 favorites]

So "Sanctuary Cruises" in no way implies safety for the tourists.

Gotcha.
posted by Michele in California at 12:48 PM on September 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

That sounds like something a secret whale infiltrator would say.
posted by poffin boffin at 12:55 PM on September 16, 2015 [12 favorites]

At the the end of the video, you see pictures of the kayakers with huge grins on their faces. They don't seem any worse for wear.
posted by Windigo at 12:57 PM on September 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

Totally great; loved the awed laughter on the faces of the kayakers as they clung to their boat after.

Not sure I'm going to send this to my business partner who just spent a week somewhat nervously boating in the San Juans with her boyfriend, and was at one point surrounded by 15 orca apparently from 3 different pods who decided to hold some kind of breach off right next to their boat.
posted by jamjam at 12:57 PM on September 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

You know how sometimes you're at the park and someone's off leash dog runs up and jumps on you and slobbers on you and gets you all muddy and slobbery and their nails dig into your skin and you've spilled your coffee and all you wanted was a peaceful walk in the park and the owner is smiling and telling you "Oh, he wants to be your friend! Don't worry, he's really peaceful. He never bites."

This is literally what that's like.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 12:57 PM on September 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

At the the end of the video, you see pictures of the kayakers with huge grins on their faces. They don't seem any worse for wear.

If you make it out okay, it's possible one of the best kayaking stories of all time. I don't blame them. Part of the appeal of kayaking is being close to nature and 99% of the time that's 100% safe and fine and sometimes it's not. If everyone's aware of the risks (including that they are rare), then there's nothing else to do but accept that sometimes stuff happens.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 1:00 PM on September 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

Let me tell you, the whales that hang out with kayakers are not the best whales.

#notallwhales
posted by happyroach at 1:01 PM on September 16, 2015 [13 favorites]

This is definitely the first time in my life I've ever thought, "Hey, maybe it would be fun to be a whale."
posted by mstokes650 at 1:05 PM on September 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

This thread is quite the contrast to the recent thread about people getting too close to bears etc. in parks.
posted by Mitheral at 1:15 PM on September 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

I operating under the assumption that this guided tour was following the guidelines for interacting with marine mammals and the whales got closer to them. To me, a group led by professionals following established rules and having an incident is different from people going out by themselves to take selfies with the bear cubs.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 1:20 PM on September 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

You know how sometimes you're at the park and someone's off leash dog runs up and jumps on you and slobbers on you and gets you all muddy and slobbery and their nails dig into your skin and you've spilled your coffee and all you wanted was a peaceful walk in the park and the owner is smiling and telling you "Oh, he wants to be your friend! Don't worry, he's really peaceful. He never bites."

This is literally what that's like.

You mean LIVING MY BEST LIFE???!!!
posted by Windigo at 1:22 PM on September 16, 2015 [8 favorites]

The boat looked like it sustained some damage. Kind of bent.

You don't say!
posted by TedW at 1:24 PM on September 16, 2015

"Here we were, minding our own business, checking out large quantities of humpback whales as they surrounded us in the Sanctuary...when all of a sudden, this massive full-size whale does a full 180-degree breach."

hal_c_on: There I was minding my own business, checking out a bear den...

Stupid humans, the more places you think belong to you, the more whales and animals you will have trying to break your goddamn neck.

Emphasis mine, and I agree. The article says nothing about the group backing away from the area, because being surrounded sounds like a bad deal when you're whale watching in kayaks. I think you should scale the distance between you and an animal based on 1) the size and 2) the speed of the animal. You could probably get pretty close to a sloth and be safe, but stay back from anything that can charge at you or simply crush you.

I was kayaking with guides and a group in Glacier Bay, Alaska and when we saw whales in the bay, our guides let us get a bit closer. My mom and I were off to one side, when one of the whales went under and up came its huge tail. My mother recalls that it was TOWERING OVER US, but I think it was close enough to realize that the rest of the whale was under us. I felt it was kind of a warning - "this is how big my tail is, think about how big the rest of me is."
posted by filthy light thief at 1:32 PM on September 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

I think you should scale the distance between you and an animal based on 1) the size and 2) the speed of the animal.

Generally the "Rule of thumb" should be observed when viewing wild animals. You should keep them at a distance where you can block your view of them with your thumb.
posted by bondcliff at 1:37 PM on September 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

I've decided that if a wild animal acts like an asshole towards me, I'm just going to take it since I belong to the garbage human race and I'm probably trespassing on territory that is rightfully theirs.
posted by peripathetic at 1:38 PM on September 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

had it comin'
posted by Fupped Duck at 1:39 PM on September 16, 2015

Dear Whales, would you have time to make an appearance at the debate tonight? Will pay one hundred gazillion krill. SPLORP!
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 1:42 PM on September 16, 2015 [9 favorites]

Will pay one hundred gazillion krill. SPLORP!

I think you'll find the exchange rate on krill isn't that great. You might need to up your offer.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 1:43 PM on September 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

Oh wow, I love kayaking around the Moss Landing area. Of course, I stick to Elkhorn Slough, where your wildlife concerns include harbor seals following you around and perhaps an otter climbing up on your kayak.
posted by Existential Dread at 1:51 PM on September 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

I was terrorized by a loon while in my kayak but it was my own damn fault for getting too close to the babies.

I can second this -- do not fuck with loons. They're even meaner bastards than Canada Geese. Loons are up there with Snapping Turtles in terms of Nature's Greatest Assholes.
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:51 PM on September 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

Nature's Greatest Assholes

I think this would easily top Shark Week's ratings.
posted by Kabanos at 1:53 PM on September 16, 2015 [23 favorites]

GOOSE WEEK

a shit covered hellscape of honking
posted by poffin boffin at 1:56 PM on September 16, 2015 [53 favorites]

I can second this -- do not fuck with loons. They're even meaner bastards than Canada Geese. Loons are up there with Snapping Turtles in terms of Nature's Greatest Assholes.

The past few years I've spent a week in the late summer on a lake in New Hampshire that has a fair number of loons. I've got some really pleasant memories of kayaking in the early morning watching a loon swim along the surface, then dive for a while, then come back up, then dive back down, all while I kayak...

a few hundred feet away because I have no desire to mess with a loon, not even a little bit.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 1:57 PM on September 16, 2015

I dunno. I still feel bad for Pinocchio.
posted by valkane at 2:04 PM on September 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

I'm still telling my "I hit a moose with my car" story 20 years later.
You're the lucky one then. Unless re-telling stories is a had-a-knock-on-the-head type of thing.
posted by Namlit at 2:05 PM on September 16, 2015

> You should keep them at a distance where you can block your view of them with your thumb.

...held at some length from your body, maybe arm's length? Because I can block out a whale with a thumb at any range, as long as I have one eye closed.
posted by Sunburnt at 2:07 PM on September 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

I like how they keep the sound on for the slow-motion part of the video. "Oh hey, a whale! I speak whale!"
posted by Daily Alice at 2:08 PM on September 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

a shit covered hellscape of honking

every time i try to hang out at lake merritt in oakland
posted by burgerrr at 2:11 PM on September 16, 2015 [7 favorites]

Two whales swim into a bar, and order some drinks. After a couple rounds, the first whale looks at the second whale and says:

WOOOOOOOOOORRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

And the second whale looks back at him and says:

Steve, dude, you need to go home, you're drunk.
posted by allkindsoftime at 2:29 PM on September 16, 2015 [27 favorites]

Nature's Greatest Assholes


Humans?
posted by notreally at 2:33 PM on September 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

GOOSE WEEK

When I was young, I was friends with a kid whose family kept a goose instead of a guard dog. I have been cornered by the goose and a Rottweiler (separately, not at the same time) and I would pick being menaced by the dog ANY DAY.
posted by peripathetic at 2:36 PM on September 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

I think this would easily top Shark Week's ratings.

Have I got a website for you.
posted by A dead Quaker at 2:36 PM on September 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

If the whale had busted into the kayaker's homes and flipped over their card table
please post that if it happens.
posted by Wolfdog at 2:52 PM on September 16, 2015 [5 favorites]

Generally the "Rule of thumb" should be observed when viewing wild animals. You should keep them at a distance where you can block your view of them with your thumb.

i've tried this and it never works - at least not with mosquitos
posted by pyramid termite at 2:57 PM on September 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

Moby Dick, amirite?
posted by kirkaracha at 3:01 PM on September 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

Moby Dick, amirite?

I don't get it.
posted by Wolfdog at 3:03 PM on September 16, 2015

We need to arm kayakers.
posted by jeff-o-matic at 3:13 PM on September 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

If the whale had busted into the kayaker's homes and flipped over their card table

'Sweetie that damn whale is flipping over our card table again.

What are we going to do about that? Every time I try to talk to him about it, he blows me off.'
posted by jamjam at 3:28 PM on September 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

That sounds like something a secret whale infiltrator would say.

While it's not impossible to infiltrate a whale, it is awfully unappealing, and difficult to keep secret to either the whale or anyone you meet afterwards.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:29 PM on September 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

They're even meaner bastards than Canada Geese.

There's a pond on the campus where I work, and it is a year-round home to a bunch of freeloading geese. It is also home to a few nesting couples of pied-billed grebes. Pied-billed grebes are little birds: Duck-like, but less than half the size. They build floating nests, and when their babies hatch, the babies ride around on the adults' backs for a week or so and it is insanely adorable.

The adult pied-billed grebes are small enough that an irrascible goose could do some serious damage to them. Their babies could basically be seen as tapas for Canada geese. These little nesting grebes, though, they are mean. Whenever geese sail into their nesting territory, they chase after those geese, basically running across the surface of the water, and the geese get the hell right out, and quick.

It is awesome.

If Canada geese are the asshole bullies of the webbed-footed world, pied-billed grebes are the meek little underdogs who end up kicking ass in the end to the cheers of the onlooking crowd.
posted by mudpuppie at 4:20 PM on September 16, 2015 [19 favorites]

This post reminds me of a classic joke:

On day in the ocean, two whales named Jill and Bill were swimming along and came across their friend Steve the whale, who looked very sad and depressed. They stopped and asked him why he looked so down.

Steve said, "You see that whaling ship up there? It killed my father."

Bill said, "Oh Steve, that's terrible. But I have a plan. Let's all hold our breaths and swim under the ship, and then exhale. That'll cause turbulence and upset the ship, and then we can all swim up to the surface and eat the sailors."

Steve thought that was a great idea, but Jill said, "Bill, if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times: I am NOT swallowing any seamen."

She didn't set any such embargo on kayakers, but fortunately Bill seems to have acted alone this time.
posted by orange swan at 4:34 PM on September 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

It totally went down a few hundred feet and high finned all its buddies.

They probably rolled their eyes, said something about "another whale of a tale from Bob", and swam away.
posted by a lungful of dragon at 4:39 PM on September 16, 2015

Wow. Imagine explaining that to the insurance company. Glad they were ok cause now they have the best story ever.
posted by kitten magic at 4:56 PM on September 16, 2015

I was kayaking in Florida one time and got a "bump" that lifted all 200 pounds of me and the kayak about six inches up. I said something about it to my girlfriend in the other kayak and about 10 seconds later spotted a manatee moving away from me. I turned to my girlfiend and said, "Cool! It was a manatee!"

Only to discover that she was 50 yards away, paddling fast towards shore.

I have since made it a rule not to take her into grizz country in Montana.
posted by ITravelMontana at 5:14 PM on September 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

Remember, it's the whales that are jerks here, not us.

Never us.

Never.
posted by clvrmnky at 5:26 PM on September 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

yes that is correct
posted by poffin boffin at 6:16 PM on September 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

a shit covered hellscape of honking

Also hissing, chasing, and pecking - they really are assholes.
posted by ryanshepard at 6:38 PM on September 16, 2015

Good for you, whale - trolling those kayaking monkeys.
posted by Docrailgun at 7:04 PM on September 16, 2015

Dick move, Moby.
posted by davelog at 7:31 PM on September 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

So this one time biscotti was driving us in rural WNY or maybe Erie PA and we happened upon a dead goose by the side of the road, and another (live) goose standing next to it. biscotti related a touching tale of birds mating for life and the goose standing vigil over its fallen mate and the unity and power of love through all species. In an utterly accidental feat of comic timing and tone, I replied only "Fuck 'em. They're geese." and half a second later we were both cackling evilly.

Whales are all right though.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:51 PM on September 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

These are friends of a friend, I think visiting from the UK. They are indeed fine, but apparently a bit amused at suddenly being a wacky Internet video of the day.
posted by lunasol at 8:07 PM on September 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

> You could probably get pretty close to a sloth and be safe

I refer you to this old "four fun facts about sloths" BoingBoing post that has this bit from Donald Moore, the associate director of animal care at Smithsonian's National Zoo:

"One female took a dislike to me. I'm one of the only sloth biologists who's been bitten," he said. "They can use their big claws and slash out. But what she did was run at me, upside down along a vine, as fast as a cat would run along the floor. She grabbed me and pulled my hand to her mouth and then bit. It all happened very quickly."

Emphasis mine. I love that part.
posted by cardioid at 8:37 PM on September 16, 2015 [5 favorites]

I've just been reading about the origin of whales. The first whale was basically a wolf with hoofs that hung out in lakes and hunted like a crocodile, like I couldn't think whales were any cooler.

That just makes hippos doubly cool, since hippos are descended from the same ancestor. They're basically whales that are so over being whales.
posted by George_Spiggott at 8:50 PM on September 16, 2015

Could they have survived if the whale had landed on them though? I mean, I know jumping into water from a distance can break your bones, but, if you're at kayak level, then would the impact of all those tons of whale just drive you into the water without pulverizing you? I imagine you'd still likely drown to death due to being underwater with the wind knocked out of you and probably unconscious from the impact of your brain against your skull. But if you didn't drown, would the impact alone crush you to death?
posted by oh yeah! at 8:53 PM on September 16, 2015

canada geese are total assholes? up until now, i had only known canada geese for their complete don't-give-a-fuck-ness in the face of vehicle traffic. that makes more sense, though.
posted by indubitable at 8:54 PM on September 16, 2015

I know Canadian Geese are a protected species, because they are (were) migratory. But as a Canadian, let me encourage you to kill those bastards anyway.
posted by five fresh fish at 9:23 PM on September 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

Turkeys are also jerks for their habit of aggressive jaywalking.
posted by clorox at 9:36 PM on September 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

Turkeys only cross the road when it curves beneath them.
posted by notyou at 9:59 PM on September 16, 2015

canada geese are total assholes?

Also they're amazingly productive shit factories.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:03 PM on September 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

The entitlement in that video really makes me angry - the human entitlement that you can crowd into tight quarters with a wild animal, the human entitlement that animals are there for our amusement and general new age kumbaya crap, the human entitlement to treat whales like there were magical pink unicorns for us coo and ahhh over rather than complex creatures with highly developed intelligence. You - it's cool to view animals in there habitat - but jebus, leave them the hell alone and stop turning nature into some sort Disney circus experience.
posted by helmutdog at 10:28 PM on September 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

leotrotsky: I wonder if that ever actually happens - someone being disabled in an animal attack and committing the illogical act of holding a grudge against a non-sentient being. You hear about victims of shark attacks calling for the protection of sharks - does the opposite ever happen?

Other people: We need to be aware of the conditions surrounding the attack and not react rashl--

Ahab Syndrome sufferer: SPLIT YOUR LUNGS WITH BLOOD AND THUNDERRRRR
posted by BiggerJ at 10:32 PM on September 16, 2015

Note that the whales were perfectly free to leave the area if they were not keen on humans. I suspect they're almost as interested in us, as we in them.
posted by five fresh fish at 10:35 PM on September 16, 2015

Actually, they can't. They are feeding, and have to go where the fish shoals go. This is critical rebuilding of their fat stores, and there are not many spots left on the planet that are good hunting grounds for humpbacks. And if you notice in the film, there were kayakers all over.
posted by tavella at 11:15 PM on September 16, 2015 [7 favorites]

Knowing human nature, will this mean that:

(a) people back off a little, cut the numbers and give the whales a bit more space in future; or
(b) the number of people getting extra close to the whales triples or quadruples overnight?
posted by Segundus at 1:37 AM on September 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Again, there's no indication this group wasn't following the distance rules and then was approached by the whales; animals do that.

It seems weirdly anthropocentric to assume that a 40 ton whale gives a damn about a few things that amount to fat seals that can't dive.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 3:44 AM on September 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

I should say that I'm obviously aware that whale watching in motorboats, which are larger and have loud, dangerous engines can be a problem for whales; I just think the assumption that this rule extends to three kayaks (there are more, but they're pretty far away) isn't likely to be right.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 4:12 AM on September 17, 2015

Whales have been hunted by kayaks for centuries. You don't have to aassign the whales human thinking to speculate that the presence of kayaks might be stressing.

BiggerJ: "You hear about victims of shark attacks calling for the protection of sharks - does the opposite ever happen?"

Wolves for sure. Many ranchers who loose a cow to a wolf go ballistic about exterminating wolves.
posted by Mitheral at 5:24 AM on September 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

Seal spotted surfing humpback whale in Australia.
posted by misteraitch at 5:42 AM on September 17, 2015 [4 favorites]

Gives a whole new meaning to "sealing a deal."
posted by Namlit at 6:56 AM on September 17, 2015

Needs more dad voice in background: "Well, that's the risk of owning a kayak in this area."
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 7:15 AM on September 17, 2015 [4 favorites]

🐳︵ ┻━┻
posted by gwint at 7:39 AM on September 17, 2015 [7 favorites]

From the article about the company stopping its tours:

"This could have been fatal, I mean a full grown humpback whale is on the order of 35 to 40 tons. I mean you're talking about 60,000 pounds coming down on you, coming directly down on you," said Scott Kathey the enforcement coordinator with the Monterey Bay National Marine Sanctuary.

Kathey said no one should be as close to a whale as the two kayakers in the video were and adds that in some cases it's even against federal law.

"The Marine Mammal Protection Act is very protective of marine mammals. If you make them change their behavior in anyway, simply the act of swimming away from you could be a violation of federal law, and those violations could range from the hundreds to thousands of dollars," he said.

Kathey said it is too difficult to tell if the kayakers did anything wrong but he said the rule is: stay at least 100 yards away from whales at all times.

Furey said they go over the Marine Mammal Protection Act with clients before they get out on the water, and Monterey Bay Kayak said it also tells clients they are taking a risk when they kayak out on the ocean.

"We're actually at this point stopped doing these tours, you know we've talked to some biologists and we feel it's probably affecting the health of the whales, affecting their ability to feed so we just want to make sure that the whales are safe out there and keep everybody safe here," he said.

Furey said even when you attempt to maintain a 100-yard distance whales can be unpredictable. He said that in combination with the increased numbers of whales, this season is part of the reason why they are canceling their whale watching tours.

It sounds like people are being careful not to hurl out accusations, but that the kayakers were too close to the whales and that the tour company should have known that staying legal distances away wasn't possible in that situation.
posted by jaguar at 8:17 AM on September 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

If this looks like a good time, you should check out the free game Pequod, where this is basically what you do. As the whale.
posted by Aiwen at 9:21 AM on September 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

He did it on porpoise.
posted by Chitownfats at 12:28 PM on September 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

People on the boat seem pretty goddamn entertained by a one ton whale falling on two strangers. If anyone is an asshole here, it's the audience.

Well, some of them. The guy filming is all, "I got it! I got it on video!" without a bit of concern while a woman (probably the Kathy he addresses at the beginning) is like, "Uh, the kayak? THE KAYAK. WHERE'S THE KAYAK?" like one might hope a person with normal human empathy would react. Kathy, feel free to bop that dude over the head with his camera.
posted by naoko at 2:38 PM on September 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Seal spotted surfing humpback whale in Australia.

Related.
posted by homunculus at 10:25 PM on September 17, 2015

ITravelMontana: "Cool! It was a manatee!"

Related: here's a re-posted video of manatees hanging out with paddleboarders, with neither party being jerks to each-other.
posted by filthy light thief at 7:14 AM on September 18, 2015

filthy light thief, it's all fun and games until manatees turn vicious.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 3:29 PM on September 19, 2015

Winter is Coming.
posted by homunculus at 9:31 PM on October 7, 2015

Humpback whales swimming under the northern lights off the coast of Norway
posted by homunculus at 11:39 PM on October 8, 2015

Sometimes our planet is so cool and weird and alien looking.
posted by tavella at 12:02 AM on October 9, 2015