The Middle East Friendship Chart.
October 16, 2015 7:22 PM Subscribe
Use this handy chart to figure out who hates who, who's friends with who and why.
Hint: ISIS hates everyone.
Hint: ISIS hates everyone.
As of last week, add Russia to the chart. Feeling like the 80s up in here.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 7:50 PM on October 16, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 7:50 PM on October 16, 2015 [1 favorite]
Maybe just replace the entire chart with "it's complicated".
And man, I hope Turkey likes us at least a little bit since as a NATO member they host a few dozen of our nukes.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 8:02 PM on October 16, 2015 [2 favorites]
And man, I hope Turkey likes us at least a little bit since as a NATO member they host a few dozen of our nukes.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 8:02 PM on October 16, 2015 [2 favorites]
Egypt and Israel are friends? I thought Turkey was the closest thing to a friend Israel had in the region...
posted by pravit at 8:11 PM on October 16, 2015
posted by pravit at 8:11 PM on October 16, 2015
Egypt and Israel are friends? I thought Turkey was the closest thing to a friend Israel had in the region...
Sadat wasn't assassinated for nothing....
posted by LoveHam at 8:19 PM on October 16, 2015 [1 favorite]
Sadat wasn't assassinated for nothing....
posted by LoveHam at 8:19 PM on October 16, 2015 [1 favorite]
No Yemen? No UAE? No Russia? No Kurds? Typical Slate.
There's isn't even a Jordan or Lebanon column.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 8:21 PM on October 16, 2015 [15 favorites]
There's isn't even a Jordan or Lebanon column.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 8:21 PM on October 16, 2015 [15 favorites]
As of last week, add Russia to the chart.
Yeah, just came to say the same thing. (And it's not just as of last week's shit show. Russia's been heavily involved with the Syria situation from the get-go.)
posted by Sys Rq at 8:25 PM on October 16, 2015 [2 favorites]
Yeah, just came to say the same thing. (And it's not just as of last week's shit show. Russia's been heavily involved with the Syria situation from the get-go.)
posted by Sys Rq at 8:25 PM on October 16, 2015 [2 favorites]
I find this slate take is just too emojional for me.
posted by srboisvert at 8:56 PM on October 16, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by srboisvert at 8:56 PM on October 16, 2015 [3 favorites]
Just for fun I made a matrix out of this, coding -1 for enmity, 0 for "it's complicated", 1 for friends, and 12 for the diagonal. Since this doesn't really capture the degree of amity or enmity it's not the real deal. But for fun it will do.
A while ago I gave an explanation of eigenvectors using a matrix of social relationships. Here we have the same thing, just a little bigger. The dominant eigenvector of this matrix can be thought of as separating the listed powers into two cliques (not technically true cliques because their constituents don't all like each other) whose interests are in opposition (those countries with the same sign- positive or negative- have interests that align, directly or indirectly). Below I list each entry in the eigenvector along with its corresponding country:
I need to get to bed but the real fun comes from poking at the matrix to see what happens if we decide to change our alliances, or if ISIS is destroyed, etc.
posted by a snickering nuthatch at 9:26 PM on October 16, 2015 [26 favorites]
A while ago I gave an explanation of eigenvectors using a matrix of social relationships. Here we have the same thing, just a little bigger. The dominant eigenvector of this matrix can be thought of as separating the listed powers into two cliques (not technically true cliques because their constituents don't all like each other) whose interests are in opposition (those countries with the same sign- positive or negative- have interests that align, directly or indirectly). Below I list each entry in the eigenvector along with its corresponding country:
7.330651098 Syria 7.192818654 Hezbollah 6.988278799 Iran 4.689362063 Iraq 1.338663567 Hamas 0.901024399 Al-Qaida 0.608440429 Palestinian Authority -0.80766971 ISIS -2.18032212 Turkey -4.531484098 Egypt -5.880487996 United States -6.069134026 Saudi Arabia -6.54298566 IsraelThe entries near zero don't belong as strongly to either clique.
I need to get to bed but the real fun comes from poking at the matrix to see what happens if we decide to change our alliances, or if ISIS is destroyed, etc.
posted by a snickering nuthatch at 9:26 PM on October 16, 2015 [26 favorites]
Egypt and Israel are friends? I thought Turkey was the closest thing to a friend Israel had in the region...
Israel has formal, signed peace treaties with both Egypt and Jordan, though how warm or cool those relationships are tends to vary over time and with political winds.
posted by Itaxpica at 9:29 PM on October 16, 2015 [1 favorite]
Israel has formal, signed peace treaties with both Egypt and Jordan, though how warm or cool those relationships are tends to vary over time and with political winds.
posted by Itaxpica at 9:29 PM on October 16, 2015 [1 favorite]
Also, for what it's worth, the relationship between Israel and Jordan actually tends to be much stronger than that between Israel and Egypt - the borders are open and there's wide trade and (increasingly) military cooperation between the two countries, especially recently with an eye towards countering the possibility of ISIS attempting to gain a foothold in Jordan. Israel's relationship with Egypt, while civil, tends to be a bit more... wary.
posted by Itaxpica at 9:36 PM on October 16, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Itaxpica at 9:36 PM on October 16, 2015 [1 favorite]
ISIS hates everyone.
They don't hate all the money the Saudis keep giving them.
I can barely believe that, 14 years after 9/11, the world media is still in outright denial about the funding of terrorist Salafi jihadist groups from Gulf states. It's fucking Orwellian.
posted by howfar at 11:03 PM on October 16, 2015 [21 favorites]
They don't hate all the money the Saudis keep giving them.
I can barely believe that, 14 years after 9/11, the world media is still in outright denial about the funding of terrorist Salafi jihadist groups from Gulf states. It's fucking Orwellian.
posted by howfar at 11:03 PM on October 16, 2015 [21 favorites]
I thought Turkey was the closest thing to a friend Israel had in the region...
Israel's relationship with Turkey was pretty friendly back when the government was still secular, enforced by the Turkish Army. The Army saw itself as being responsible for maintaining the precedent established by Ataturk when modern Turkey was founded after the demise of the Ottomans, and part of that was the idea that the government should be secular.
During the period between the founding of Israel and about ten years ago, the relationship between Turkey and Israel was reasonably cordial mainly because of "enemy of my enemy", that being Syria.
It all started getting more complicated when Erdogan's party took power, because they've been trying to turn Turkey into an Islamic Republic. The last couple of times that was attempted, the Generals took over and prevented it. This time, Erdogan has been purging the Army.
On the other hand, a lot of Turkey's voters aren't so happy about that, not to mention being unhappy about how Erdogan has been mismanaging the Turkish economy, so this latest skirmish with Islamism may still end, this time in the ballot box. It remains to be seen.
Regardless, Erdogan's government isn't anything like as friendly with Israel, though the two nations still have a common enemy (Syria).
That's how a Turkish friend of mine explained it all to me one time. I can't testify to any of that out of personal knowledge...
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 12:12 AM on October 17, 2015 [6 favorites]
Israel's relationship with Turkey was pretty friendly back when the government was still secular, enforced by the Turkish Army. The Army saw itself as being responsible for maintaining the precedent established by Ataturk when modern Turkey was founded after the demise of the Ottomans, and part of that was the idea that the government should be secular.
During the period between the founding of Israel and about ten years ago, the relationship between Turkey and Israel was reasonably cordial mainly because of "enemy of my enemy", that being Syria.
It all started getting more complicated when Erdogan's party took power, because they've been trying to turn Turkey into an Islamic Republic. The last couple of times that was attempted, the Generals took over and prevented it. This time, Erdogan has been purging the Army.
On the other hand, a lot of Turkey's voters aren't so happy about that, not to mention being unhappy about how Erdogan has been mismanaging the Turkish economy, so this latest skirmish with Islamism may still end, this time in the ballot box. It remains to be seen.
Regardless, Erdogan's government isn't anything like as friendly with Israel, though the two nations still have a common enemy (Syria).
That's how a Turkish friend of mine explained it all to me one time. I can't testify to any of that out of personal knowledge...
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 12:12 AM on October 17, 2015 [6 favorites]
Israel has formal, signed peace treaties with both Egypt and Jordan, though how warm or cool those relationships are tends to vary over time and with political winds.
That was the Camp David accords, and one of the critical parts of that was that Carter promised both Israel and Egypt that they would get lots of foreign aid from the US, pretty much in perpetuity.
In essence, we're bribing the Egyptian government to stay at peace with Israel. The payment is several billion dollars per year.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 12:16 AM on October 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
That was the Camp David accords, and one of the critical parts of that was that Carter promised both Israel and Egypt that they would get lots of foreign aid from the US, pretty much in perpetuity.
In essence, we're bribing the Egyptian government to stay at peace with Israel. The payment is several billion dollars per year.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 12:16 AM on October 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
Chart is broken. There's no Slate column.
posted by adept256 at 12:38 AM on October 17, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by adept256 at 12:38 AM on October 17, 2015 [2 favorites]
The US and Saudi Arabia are friends? Um, it's complicated.
posted by dmt at 3:27 AM on October 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by dmt at 3:27 AM on October 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
Are Iran and Iraq really friends?
Obviously there was the Iran-Iraq War while Iraq was under the rule of (culturally minority Sunni) Saddam Hussein. But the majority of the population is Shi'ite, as in Iran, and for nigh-on a decade under the American occupation of Iraq, with the apparent approval of both the U.S. and Iranian governments, the Prime Minister of Iraq was Nouri al-Maliki who had spent most of the Iran-Iraq War in Iran and had only recently returned to Iraq after the American invasion.
posted by XMLicious at 4:03 AM on October 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
Are Iran and Iraq really friends?
Well, parts of Iraq.
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 4:03 AM on October 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
Well, parts of Iraq.
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 4:03 AM on October 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
A lot of these relationships are complicated. My take on Jordan, for instance, is that it's a bit like the USA in that its legislature is batship crazy, while its executive (His Highness Abdullah bin Hussein bin Talal bin Abdullah bin Hussein bin Ali) is unremarkably sane. So its relationship with Israel is pretty normal, but if it becomes a democracy then all bets are off.
posted by Joe in Australia at 4:06 AM on October 17, 2015
posted by Joe in Australia at 4:06 AM on October 17, 2015
In essence, we're bribing the Egyptian government to stay at peace with Israel. The payment is several billion dollars per year.
posted by Chocolate Pickle
Though lately there has been a real push by Russia to capitalize on the Egypt's disillusion with the US - recently culminating in Putin himself visiting Egypt and giving el-Sisi an AK rifle
posted by rosswald at 4:12 AM on October 17, 2015
posted by Chocolate Pickle
Though lately there has been a real push by Russia to capitalize on the Egypt's disillusion with the US - recently culminating in Putin himself visiting Egypt and giving el-Sisi an AK rifle
posted by rosswald at 4:12 AM on October 17, 2015
ISIS and Turkey are enemies? Um, it's complicated.
posted by Baldons at 4:25 AM on October 17, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by Baldons at 4:25 AM on October 17, 2015 [4 favorites]
USG and al Qaeda are enemies? It's complicated.
posted by save alive nothing that breatheth at 5:01 AM on October 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by save alive nothing that breatheth at 5:01 AM on October 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
ISIS and Saudi Arabia ENEMIES
Yeah, I guess you also have a bridge to sell me.
posted by lmfsilva at 6:47 AM on October 17, 2015 [4 favorites]
Yeah, I guess you also have a bridge to sell me.
posted by lmfsilva at 6:47 AM on October 17, 2015 [4 favorites]
There's nothing complicated about peace, just the willingness to achieve it.
-Clavdivs, 'clavdivsim made easy'
posted by clavdivs at 7:13 AM on October 17, 2015 [2 favorites]
-Clavdivs, 'clavdivsim made easy'
posted by clavdivs at 7:13 AM on October 17, 2015 [2 favorites]
Clavdiv-sim, the technology of simulating clavdivs, is a new and growing industrial field in many parts of the world and is responsible for up to 73% of the GDP of some micronations.
posted by XMLicious at 7:36 AM on October 17, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by XMLicious at 7:36 AM on October 17, 2015 [3 favorites]
I accept that
posted by clavdivs at 8:23 AM on October 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by clavdivs at 8:23 AM on October 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
I just have to add my surprise to the lack of Jordan on the chart.
Also, I'm trying to figure out how I feel about how ISIS is the only entity with nothing but enemies.
posted by cardioid at 11:43 AM on October 17, 2015
Also, I'm trying to figure out how I feel about how ISIS is the only entity with nothing but enemies.
posted by cardioid at 11:43 AM on October 17, 2015
Well, it is somewhat useful though it would be nice to see Russia and China worked into the equation.
posted by Muncle at 12:55 PM on October 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Muncle at 12:55 PM on October 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
I wish they'd filled in the diagonal...
posted by klausness at 2:12 PM on October 17, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by klausness at 2:12 PM on October 17, 2015 [3 favorites]
Slate has been telling me that I've already read my 5 free articles for the month, but because that popup has popped up for the past several months, I guess they don't want my eyeballs on their content at all. End passive-aggressive rant.
posted by zardoz at 5:48 PM on October 17, 2015
posted by zardoz at 5:48 PM on October 17, 2015
I wish they'd filled in the diagonal...
What icon would you use for self-love?
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 7:15 PM on October 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
What icon would you use for self-love?
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 7:15 PM on October 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
What icon would you use for self-love?
Trump emoji ?
posted by lmfsilva at 9:10 PM on October 17, 2015 [3 favorites]
Trump emoji ?
posted by lmfsilva at 9:10 PM on October 17, 2015 [3 favorites]
This is just nonsense. Some of the pairings are completely absurd. If a critical media believes this BS, it's no surprise that mainstream US, including the State Department make a lot of grave mistakes all the time.
posted by mumimor at 2:46 PM on October 18, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by mumimor at 2:46 PM on October 18, 2015 [2 favorites]
This chart is over a year old. It would be nice if there were something like this that was updated monthly.
posted by mecran01 at 8:27 PM on October 18, 2015
posted by mecran01 at 8:27 PM on October 18, 2015
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Bush, Gorbachev and Arafat each get to go and see God, and are allowed one question.
Bush goes in first. He asks: “When will America rule the entire world?”. God says “In a hundred years”. Bush starts crying, and God asks why he is crying. Bush answers, “Because it will not be in my lifetime”.
Gorbachev is up next. He asks God: “When will communism rule the world?”. God answers: “In five hundred years”. Gorbachev starts crying, and God asks why. Gorbachev answers, “Because it will not be in my lifetime”.
Finally, it’s Arafat’s turn to ask God a question. He asks: “When will there be peace in the Middle East?”. God starts crying.
posted by The Card Cheat at 7:34 PM on October 16, 2015 [37 favorites]