Also, Play Stations, kitty litter, and dinners at Alinea.
November 28, 2015 1:43 PM   Subscribe

Did you buy a gold plated dildo on Black Friday? Are you sure?

If you participated in this year's Cards Against Humanity Black Friday Non-Sale, you helped buy the dildo and a wide variety of other things from Socks to Scotch.
posted by jacquilynne (46 comments total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
 
...Are there clear breakdowns like this for my taxes?
posted by yueliang at 1:46 PM on November 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


...keep an eye on Jenn and Tom there. Or at least warn any local dragons...
posted by The Whelk at 1:52 PM on November 28, 2015 [2 favorites]


fools and their money are soon parted...
posted by shockingbluamp at 2:13 PM on November 28, 2015 [2 favorites]


there are already two yc startups planning to disrupt this bizmod

edit: ok one of them already tanked
posted by Foci for Analysis at 2:13 PM on November 28, 2015 [6 favorites]


Three different bottles of Lagavulin? That's someone after my own heart.
posted by languagehat at 2:19 PM on November 28, 2015 [13 favorites]


If someone gave me a car worth $1,000, I'd consider that one MORE thing I'd have to worry about.
posted by randomkeystrike at 2:28 PM on November 28, 2015 [8 favorites]


fools and their money are soon parted...

I don't know, it's literally free money... I feel like they had an obligation to spend it frivolously, as well as give to charity. They did both (except Kevin; did he miss the 'give some of the fucking money to charity' memo that was sent out, or what?).
posted by el io at 2:29 PM on November 28, 2015 [4 favorites]


If someone gave me a car worth $1,000, I'd consider that one MORE thing I'd have to worry about.

BUMPTER STICKER IDEA: The things you own tend to own you.
posted by Fizz at 2:31 PM on November 28, 2015


Did you buy a gold plated dildo on Black Friday? Are you sure?

i could have sworn that david caruso said this very line in a csi miami episode
posted by Foci for Analysis at 2:39 PM on November 28, 2015 [4 favorites]


Fucking Kevin.
posted by pretentious illiterate at 2:48 PM on November 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


accessorized with matching cuff links
posted by Sys Rq at 2:56 PM on November 28, 2015


I thought the "fools and their money" comment was directed more at the people who chipped in for these purchases than at the people who made them.
posted by Earthtopus at 3:01 PM on November 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


This is far beyond awesome.
posted by Slinga at 3:03 PM on November 28, 2015


People are weird.
posted by PMdixon at 3:07 PM on November 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


If someone gave me a car worth $1,000, I'd consider that one MORE thing I'd have to worry about.

A Chevy Suburban, no less. I guess that's where the "against humanity" part comes in ...
posted by Kirth Gerson at 3:16 PM on November 28, 2015 [3 favorites]


I happen to like humanity, thank you very much
posted by koeselitz at 3:19 PM on November 28, 2015 [3 favorites]


I feel like you can optimize this judgement loop by offering to get people a beer and then yelling at them for what they order.
posted by srboisvert at 3:30 PM on November 28, 2015 [3 favorites]


I love how we are riffing on Kevin for not donating, when he already got ~$600 less to spent than the others. Wonder what’s up with that!

I wanted to see the average amount of money people donated, so I pushed all their data into a little spreadsheet. They spent $70,754.39, of which $22,135.37 (31.28%) went away in donations. Not counting cash and food that Claire and Nick want to spread themselves.

Without including Kevin, everyone gave an average of 32.99% of their “windfall profit” away in donations. Matt gave away most (60.26%!!!) of his windfall, $2,522.00 to Planned Parenthood of the Rocky Mountains.
posted by Martijn at 3:46 PM on November 28, 2015 [9 favorites]


Kevin got screwed.

Also, it looks like Holly might find herself a little… tied up in Finland

*sunglasses* YEAAAAAAHHHH
posted by a halcyon day at 4:01 PM on November 28, 2015 [2 favorites]


>Did you buy a gold plated dildo on Black Friday? Are you sure?

Of course I didn't. Yes I'm sure!

Are you sure?

Yes, certainly.

Are you sure?

Well, yes? Er, wait a second... (looks closely)

Oh god, how did this happen!
posted by JHarris at 4:53 PM on November 28, 2015 [5 favorites]


This is giving me a very visceral "this is grotesque" reaction; the sheer length of the "here's all the stuff we bought" list.
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 5:35 PM on November 28, 2015 [2 favorites]


I found it hilarious - they were given one hour to compose their lists. It's very interesting what people will buy when they are under a time limit and have to spend it all. I'm sure if they were given 24 hours or a week a lot of the things in the lists would be different.
posted by Windigo at 5:44 PM on November 28, 2015 [6 favorites]


Well, not to get all judgey, but Kevin is the only one that didn't donate to anyone but himself. Does that make him kind of a dick? Sorry Kevin, I'd imagine it's kinda awkward enough for you around the water cooler...
posted by Nanukthedog at 5:46 PM on November 28, 2015


This is MetaFilter's business model.
posted by Miko at 6:04 PM on November 28, 2015 [10 favorites]


I was thinking, "aw, it's sweet he bought his mom the car she was saving up for." I'm poorer than the Mefi average, so if I bought my mom a car for $1k outright, we'd talk about it for the rest of our lives like it was a miracle, pretty much.

Or, you know, maybe he just spent $1k towards a car for his mom, and didn't buy the entire car. Though it's a 1999, so I don't know.
posted by blnkfrnk at 6:06 PM on November 28, 2015 [3 favorites]


The other thing that's interesting besides the "how much to charity" is the calculus that some of them have done on "how much to use as fungible cash."

The $1500 Roth IRA contribution and the student loan payments are the most obvious, but there's also "two months of my gas bill", and arguably "760 lbs of cat litter" is a "stuff I would be buying anyway" pre-purchase.
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 6:35 PM on November 28, 2015 [4 favorites]


(also, huh, the list is unsearchable because it's a bunch of images.)
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 6:35 PM on November 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


Super jealous right now of the one that got LASIK.
posted by Hermione Granger at 7:00 PM on November 28, 2015


Now I'm wondering if Tom and I have friends in common. I know people who teach armored combat in Chicago.
posted by anastasiav at 7:18 PM on November 28, 2015


I happen to like humanity, thank you very much

You can fix that by reading the comments.
posted by jimmythefish at 7:18 PM on November 28, 2015 [6 favorites]


Well, maybe Kevin is planning to do the charitable work with the bed he bought, you know?
posted by halfbuckaroo at 7:29 PM on November 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


This made me really happy. It's so nice to see people being able to buy the things they want and a bunch of good causes get money.

Shrug. I don't know maybe I'm easy.
posted by WidgetAlley at 7:32 PM on November 28, 2015 [9 favorites]


I'm with WidgetAlley. Some of this list just flat out made me sniffle, too.
posted by joycehealy at 9:20 PM on November 28, 2015


No reparations payments from Max, huh?
posted by ShawnStruck at 12:44 AM on November 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


Man, I want to go drinking with these people so bad right now.
posted by sldownard at 1:35 AM on November 29, 2015


Jenn bought a pair of aviator sunglasses, an $800 replica Legolas longbow, a bespoke leather quiver, and a $1200 bespoke Robin Hood costume. I have no idea what she's planning to do but I bet it will be awesome and involve fighting crime and I kind of want to hang out with her.
posted by Justinian at 7:15 AM on November 29, 2015 [13 favorites]


Although clearly it involves a team-up with Tom, he of the $1500 suit of armor and $600 greatsword with 40" blade. Together, they fight crime!
posted by Justinian at 7:17 AM on November 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


> This made me really happy. It's so nice to see people being able to buy the things they want and a bunch of good causes get money.

You'll need to be a lot judgier if you want to fit in around here.
posted by languagehat at 7:42 AM on November 29, 2015 [12 favorites]


Jenn is going to Medieval Times.

To build an army.
posted by knuckle tattoos at 10:49 AM on November 29, 2015


Nick: Season Pass to watch Mr. Robot
Trin: Paying divorce attorney

Good for them!

I thought the bed was excessive.
posted by Room 641-A at 12:25 PM on November 29, 2015


Maybe my brain is just weird, but if i suddenly had $4.2k-ish it would be SO HARD to not just spend the entire thing on an epic backpacking/cheap traveling adventure. Friends of mine have disappeared for the better part of an entire year with around that much money before. That's a lot of cheapo airbnb/hostel/etc money once you get the big other-continent airfare out of the way.

Like, i don't know if i'd be able to just buy stuff unless it was something i could clearly make a case for needing while i was traveling. My unlocked phone, few year old laptop, few year old mirrorless camera, etc all work fine. Get me some plane tickets and a nicer backpack or duffle or something.
posted by emptythought at 6:35 PM on November 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


Claire
  • 50 $1 bills to keep in my purse and hand out to people with signs because I never carry cash and I always feel guilty
Nick
  • 50 $2 bills to hand out in Chicago between December 31st and January 1st to folks having a hard time


Claire had best start calling Nick "Green Mushroom", cuz she just got one-upped.

(This was neat, and I'd really like to believe that they all came up with their ideas without consulting with each other)
posted by Mayor West at 6:51 AM on November 30, 2015


I'm somewhat disappointed that no one started a cat ranch. For rescues, I mean.
posted by MexicanYenta at 9:04 AM on November 30, 2015




I've said it before, I'll say it again: I wonder whether that Picasso will get cut into squares
posted by infinitewindow at 12:14 PM on December 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


probably cubes
posted by Sys Rq at 6:49 PM on December 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


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