The language is completely case insensitive

January 19, 2016 1:34 PM

Code with TrumpScript, and make programming great again.
posted by Gin and Broadband (43 comments total)

Sarah Palin recommends it.
posted by aught at 1:40 PM on January 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

SURELY A REAL TRUMP PROGRAMMING LANGUAGE WOULD REQUIRE ALL CAPS AND THE INDENTATION OF EACH LINE WOULD BE DENOTED BY THE NUMBER OF "FWD: FWD: FWD:" THAT PRECEDE IT
posted by indubitable at 1:40 PM on January 19, 2016 [55 favorites]

I tried to write a simple mergesort with it and it just refused to allow certain sublists to merge :/
posted by Wolfdog at 1:48 PM on January 19, 2016 [16 favorites]

There are no import statements allowed. All code has to be home-grown and Amerian made."

Oh, so it's just like JavaScript then.

Instead of "True" and "False," we have "fact" and "lie"

That's actually a marked improvement over the current array of true, false, NaN, null, "", 0, or undefined that programmers currently need to deal with.

Only the most popular English words, Trump's favorite words, and current politician names can be used as variable names.

Also probably an actual improvement over real JavaScript, where there are a lot of superfluous reserved words, but you can also use basically any Unicode character as a variable name.

[ At least it's better than the Functional Programming wankfest going on in Swift and Scala, where you can basically make any character do anything. I'm still mad at Akka for making a "!" operator that means "send a message," because of course that's an obvious and intuitive thing for ! to do. ]

While loops are denoted via 'as long as'. And that's the only type of loop you need anyway.

False. America only needs do loops.
posted by schmod at 1:50 PM on January 19, 2016 [6 favorites]

I would also think that a real Trump language would require that all declared objects must be prefixed with "TRUMP", e.g. TRUMP_NAME, TRUMP_COUNTER, TRUMP_ID.
posted by Strange Interlude at 1:54 PM on January 19, 2016 [30 favorites]

> JavaScript

I think it's based on Python, not JavaScript.
posted by a mirror and an encyclopedia at 1:58 PM on January 19, 2016

also obviously it should be object oriented so everything's real classy
posted by indubitable at 1:59 PM on January 19, 2016 [62 favorites]

It keeps spitting out an exception when I try to change a variable in my class to something other than "#ffffff"
posted by cmfletcher at 2:05 PM on January 19, 2016 [9 favorites]

Gold plating in software engineering or Project Management (or time management in general) refers to continuing to work on a project or task well past the point where the extra effort is worth the value it adds (if any).
posted by a lungful of dragon at 2:07 PM on January 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

I think it's based on Python, not JavaScript.

Schmod was making a joke.
posted by kenko at 2:15 PM on January 19, 2016

The code golf is world-class.
posted by a lungful of dragon at 2:18 PM on January 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

> Schmod was making a joke

I mean, yeah, I got that schmod was comparing it to JavaScript as a way of making fun of JavaScript. JS deserves all the shitting-on it can get.

It's just that the internet is full of these based-on-javascript joke languages, and I kind of thought that it was interesting that this one is sort of a twist on the formula. So it seemed worth it to point that out?
posted by a mirror and an encyclopedia at 2:22 PM on January 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

IT'S A QUALITY FUNCTION IT'S CALLED "HELLO WORLD"
    JUST TELL IT LIKE IT IS "GOOD MORNING METAFILTER"
    
    IF LOW-CLASS GARBAGE HAPPENS
        TAKE THEIR COATS "YOUR COMPUTER HAS FAILED ME FOR THE LAST TIME."
GOOD NIGHT AND GOD BLESS "HELLO WORLD"
posted by boo_radley at 2:24 PM on January 19, 2016 [13 favorites]

I would hope that it admits 👌 as a valid variable name, since he loves making that pulling-a-long-hair-out-of-the-shower-drain gesture so much.
posted by invitapriore at 2:30 PM on January 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

catch (IllegalStandingMuslim ex)  { 
  as long as(ex.getMuslim().isEscortedOut() is lie ) {
    system.out.println("TRUMP!")
  }
}

posted by Sauce Trough at 2:31 PM on January 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

All variable names should include DOLLAR$IGN$ as those are the only values that matter.
posted by bonehead at 2:33 PM on January 19, 2016 [8 favorites]

The lack of floating point math does explain why he couldn't make money with a casino.
posted by cmfletcher at 2:40 PM on January 19, 2016 [4 favorites]

There are no closures in TrumpScript.

TrumpScript builds a fence around all functions.
posted by schmod at 2:47 PM on January 19, 2016 [6 favorites]

a mirror and an encyclopedia: "I think it's based on Python, not JavaScript."

Ah. Of course Trump would consider WHITEspace to be significant, regardless of the practicality of doing so.
posted by schmod at 2:48 PM on January 19, 2016 [9 favorites]

It keeps trying to activate a firewall between the US and Mexico. Huh.
posted by resurrexit at 3:07 PM on January 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

It's not working for me. I tried to link but it closed all the libraries.
posted by w0mbat at 3:08 PM on January 19, 2016 [9 favorites]

Whenever it terminates a due process, it does a core trump.
posted by a lungful of dragon at 3:46 PM on January 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

I can't even laugh at Trump any more. He was funny in the 80s. Now, he just makes me depressed.
posted by JHarris at 3:55 PM on January 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

They misspelled, "Ignominious," right there in the first sentence of their Mission statement.
posted by Chuffy at 4:01 PM on January 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

first priority for TrumpScript should be bootstrapping a compiler written in TrumpScript
posted by indubitable at 4:06 PM on January 19, 2016 [4 favorites]

You guys can criticise TrumpScript all you like. What I'm saying is that back in 1974 I had a worldbeating 200MB database my dad gave me and now I've got a 4GB one and if that doesn't make me great let's make America great.
posted by ambrosen at 4:27 PM on January 19, 2016 [12 favorites]

Is there going to be a dev fork for the Palin?
posted by yesster at 5:02 PM on January 19, 2016

make GREAT 1000001
!,America is Great...;?
DONALD is 9999999
If, America is GREAT ? ;
:say, "TRUMPSCRIPT has no function calls?"!
America is Great.

say, "is this thing even TRUMP-complete?";
make NEW YORK 4000001
if, YORK, NEW is 4000001?;
:
say "yeah"
!
If, America is DONALD ?;: make TRUMP GREAT, say TRUMP GREAT, TRUMP is DONALD;!
say "trumpy TRUMP!"
say "This is the BEST TRUMPSCRIPT PROGRAM POSSIBLE"
America is great.
posted by sfenders at 5:02 PM on January 19, 2016

I want the break statement in this language to be "UR FIRED".

That is all.
posted by the cydonian at 5:18 PM on January 19, 2016 [4 favorites]

also obviously it should be object oriented so everything's real classy

Okay, but you're required to use inheritance.
posted by neckro23 at 5:21 PM on January 19, 2016 [16 favorites]

It seems like it'd be prototypal so you could redefine common APIs to mean whatever is convenient at any given time.
posted by feloniousmonk at 5:24 PM on January 19, 2016 [3 favorites]

"Only the most popular English words, Trump's favorite words, and current politician names can be used as variable names."

You'd think that every variable would have to be called "trump".
posted by brundlefly at 5:34 PM on January 19, 2016

also obviously it should be object oriented so everything's real classy

So, you're saying objects are first-class?
posted by a lungful of dragon at 5:40 PM on January 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

the whole language is first-class
posted by indubitable at 5:43 PM on January 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

the whole language is first-class gilded with tacky gold plating

FTFY.
posted by Talez at 5:54 PM on January 19, 2016

Nice, but I prefer Objectivist-C.
posted by ryoshu at 6:14 PM on January 19, 2016 [4 favorites]

The biggest problem with Objectivist-C is that every time you compile a program it inserts a surreptitious bitcoin mining app to make use of your excess CPU time. When I asked about it on Stack Overflow someone said this wasn't a bug but a feature.

The second biggest problem with Objectivist-C is that NSUserName() always returns "John Galt".
posted by Talez at 6:22 PM on January 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

fizz_buzz.txt

Make Donald 15000000.
Nothing is, 1000000 minus 1000000;
The fortune of Hillary is nothing.
As long as, Donald is not Hillary; Do this:
If, Donald over 15000000 is nothing; Then: say "Fiorina Biden"!
Else if, Donald over 5000000 is nothing; Then: say "Fiorina"!
Else if, Donald over 3000000 is nothing; Then: say "Biden"!
Else: say Donald!
The fortune of Donald is, old Donald minus 1000000;
Amazing!
America is Great.

This is poetry. I love how you have to define zero using arithmetic because you can't talk directly about chump change.

There are a couple more in the test_files directory.
posted by books for weapons at 6:51 PM on January 19, 2016 [9 favorites]

No, this is poetry. Or it's something.
posted by T.D. Strange at 7:17 PM on January 19, 2016

Presumably every TrumpScript program runs with appropriate security measures to prevent other processes from accessing its memory and other resources. A "wall", if you will.
posted by A dead Quaker at 8:05 PM on January 19, 2016

No, a TrumpScript program expects other processes to implement those security measures for it.
posted by biogeo at 9:03 PM on January 19, 2016 [4 favorites]

I'm still mad at Akka for making a "!" operator that means "send a message," because of course that's an obvious and intuitive thing for ! to do.

That traces all the way back to occam and it kind of makes sense if you think of ! as speaking out a command and ? as listening to a command.
posted by The arrows are too fast at 4:55 AM on January 20, 2016

False. America only needs do loops.

SYNTAX ERROR - EXPECTED "LIE" IN LINE 1
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 5:25 AM on January 20, 2016