Because White People Always Live Near Large Bodies of Water
February 6, 2016 12:07 PM Subscribe
The Nicholas Sparks White People Experience: Lainey Gossip's Sarah reviews Nicholas Sparks's latest "whirlwind romance straight out of an erectile disfunction commercial."
This is not just a game, this is a unique opportunity to experience life as only a totally delusional asshole can! For just ten dollars, you can roll the dice and enjoy your customized Nicholas Sparks White People Experience. Let’s play!
First, you have to set up the board. This game takes place in a coastal setting because white people always live near large bodies of water. It is an indisputable fact of nature that any white person worth knowing is a seafaring sort (or a cowboy). If you’re a white person who lives anywhere other than a charming coastal town, you’re probably a horrible harpy that deserves to be run over by a taxicab!
Next, let’s draw character cards. The basic characters available are: All-American Boy, he’s a down-home good ole boy; Uptight Shrew, she’s more concerned about her career and/or education than romance, uh oh!; Total Bitch, she’s just a total bitch and no one likes her; Loyal Sibling, comes in male and female varieties; and The Other Guy, who is perfectly nice and supportive of Uptight Shrew’s ambitions but f*ck him anyway, he’s The Other Guy!
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